Romance and the Fate of Equestria

Chapter One Hundred and Fifty-Three

As had become a customary sight, the Crusaders set off for the Everfree Forest, loaded with saddlebags.

"So, you got the things?" said Apple Bloom. "From the places?"

Sweetie Belle opened up her saddlebag and floated out a handful of wires, gears, and screws. "Yup. Lots and lots of copper wires, and… gosh, we're gonna need a lot more titanium than we did before. We can't just dig it out of the ground again, can we? I don't see us getting that lucky a second time."

"Nah, we only need a bit of titanium," said Scootaloo. "Just for a touch of extra strength over her original design. She didn't have any in her before, we're just going with it 'cause, you know, we know it works."

As they reached the outskirts of the forest, a voice called out, "Hey, girls!"

It was Spike, standing a few dozen yards down the path, waving to them.

"Oops!" Scootaloo said brightly. "Excuse me a second…"

She flew over to him, gracefully landing right in front of him, and he ran his hand through her mane, scratching her behind the ears. "Just wanted to say goodbye to ya," he said softly. "Good luck with your whole… secret project. It's gonna be totally awesome."

"Boy, I sure have a lot of secrets," said Scootaloo. "That's pretty sexy."

"Sure is," Spike agreed.

They kissed, and from the mouth of the forest Sweetie Belle let out a strangled squeak of pain.

"What the hell was that?" Spike muttered, glancing wildly over Scootaloo's shoulder.

"Progress being made, I think," Scootaloo replied. "Sounds like we're nearing the end of this little scheme. Pretty soon you won't have to kiss me anymore."

He tilted his head, curious.

"You're happy about that," she ordered.

"Yes, ma'am."

Scootaloo grinned. "See you later."

She flew back to the others, and the three of them proceeded into the forest together, walking in silence until the canopy was blocking out nearly all of the sun's rays.

"I… I can't… I can't take it anymore," Sweetie Belle said under her breath.

"Sweetie?" Apple Bloom said absently, turning towards her and straightening in alarm when she saw the white filly's face streaked with tears.

"I mean, what's… really… what's really going on there?" Sweetie demanded of Scootaloo. "Ponies tell me it's not real, but I see you, and it's… I can't do it. I can't pretend anymore. What's really between you and Spike? Really. Honestly. Tell me the truth."

Scootaloo rocked back on her hooves, blown away. "Honestly?" she peeped. "…Spike and I are just friends. The kissing and stuff is just a public face to make you jealous."

"R-really?" said Sweetie Belle, a hopeful expression breaking through her still-flowing tears, and her tensed body slowly releasing.

"Yeah," Scootaloo said regretfully. "And it was fun at first, but… then he started giving me the vibe that he's actually falling for me, and… I've just felt like a dirty rotten traitor ever since for letting things go that far."

Sweetie continued to sniffle for what seemed like a long time. "Not your fault," she finally said. "You're not in control of his feelings." She let out a huge, heaving sob. "That's a real dirty trick, Scootaloo."

"I know," she said, looking away.

"Good trick," Sweetie said graciously.

"Excuse me?"

"You know me so well," said Sweetie with a tiny smile. "I'm a big jealous plesippus who was already starting to like-like Spike, but never would have gotten it into my head if I hadn't had that moment where I couldn't have him. …I'm so stupid, and you know that, and used it. You deserve a medal."

Scootaloo stroked Sweetie Belle's mane. "Well, hey, how about we put this whole thing to an end? He can't have gone far. You go out there, and find him, and take what's yours. He is yours, you know."

Sweetie Belle bit her lip. "I… I can't. I can't after what happened with Featherweight… what Featherweight did. I'm too scared to date a boy again. But I do… I do want… him. Spike, I mean, not Featherweight. Not Featherweight at all. It's so confusing! Just… can you just, like, give me a little bit more time?"

"Time?"

"Yeah. Don't tell him you got me to break. Just stick with him and… make sure he doesn't give up on me. Okay?"

Scootaloo nodded and caressed Sweetie Belle's face. "Absolutely. You're right, I can't control the way he feels, but you can bet your sweet patootie that I will drill into him as hard as I can that he has no shot with me… that he's made for you."

"Mm-hmm," Sweetie said nervously.

"Hey, he's been after you for the better part of a year," Scootaloo reassured her. "There's no way that's going to just go away if I have anything to say about it. For my part, I'll try to be… less charming."

"Thanks, Scoot," said Sweetie. "You can try, but I can't imagine you being any less charming than you are."

As Scootaloo tried to puzzle out whether that was a compliment, Apple Bloom raised her black-tipped hooves and pulled them both into a strangling hug. "Oh, you crazy fillies with your boy troubles," she said sweetly. "It's all gonna be okay, y'all. Stop thinkin' 'bout it, and let's do our thing. Our Crusaders thing!"

Scootaloo smiled. "You got it, Apple Bloom."

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

"What we need is alchemist's iron to strengthen the beams," said Apple Bloom. "Can you whip us up something like that?"

Behind a curtain for privacy, Zecora pondered. "Such a solution is not so easy to attain," she said. "But for this particular project, how can I refrain?"

She brushed the curtain aside, and the Crusaders' eyes widened in shock. Zecora's customary gold bands and jewelry were gone, replaced with a simple gray robe with blue-green trim.

"What are you wearin'?" Apple Bloom blurted.

"Tinder is coming over for… a date," she said. "The proper conditions I must create. Me being the host, I felt it would be best, to humbly appear as an unadorned priestess."

"Huh," said Apple Bloom. "I didn't realize those neck rings were removable. I thought they were a permanent body modification or somethin'."

"I see where you get that impression," Zecora admitted. "A fairly common misconception."

She brushed past the summoning brazier set in the center of the hut, and pulled a large bottle off one of her shelves. "Alchemist's iron, there you are," she said. "Be safe, do not wander far. If there's anything else you need today, ask me right now then be on your way. I'd rather the date not be corrupted by our quiet talks being interrupted."

"Aw, we don't get to meet your boyfriend?" Apple Bloom said with an exaggerated pout.

"He's not my boyfriend," Zecora said, irked.

"Ooooh, I get it now," Sweetie Belle said in a stage whisper. "Rarity always said that the reason ponies wear clothes on a date is so they can get taken off…"

"No!" Zecora snapped, sticking her tongue out at Sweetie. "I must receive him alone, it's right and proper." She held out a fat leather canteen topped with a cork. "Now buzz off, or I remove the stopper."

"All right," Apple Bloom said smugly. "You go right ahead and 'receive' him."

She popped the cork on the canteen, and the three fillies were blown out of the house on magical winds, which flawlessly shut the door behind them.

Satisfied, Zecora began to scratch symbols in her dirt floor around the brazier, but to her surprise it flared to life on its own, Tinder stepping out of the portal of green fire bearing a champagne bottle.

"Ah!" Zecora exclaimed. "Gone and summoned yourself, I see. Hehe, overeager to lay eyes on me?" She grinned.

"'Tis as you say, no sense in faking," he replied in his smooth baritone. "I was eager to see your renowned potion-making."

"Well, while it's good to have you here, what makes you think I'm a potioneer?" Zecora asked, striking a pose and a cheesy grin in front of her shelves upon shelves of potions.

He tilted his head in confusion. Her grin slowly faded, and she slouched, deflated. "So… how is life?"

"It is as ever," he said simply. "I long for conversation more creative and clever."

"Ah, well, allow me to regale you with things I know," Zecora said in relief. "If you'd take a glance out of yon window…"

They walked to a window together, where they saw the husk of the Colossus of Talona, and the Crusaders applying a welding torch to the mechanisms in one of its knees.

"Those fillies call themselves the CMC," Zecora explained. "An amazing force are those Crusaders three. You see them now, taking on a task beyond a learned sage: restoring a living weapon from a long-past age."

"Oh," Tinder said blankly. "Are children up to such a task?"

"Those three?" Zecora laughed. "Around here, you need not even ask. They've mastered a combination of the mystical, and making things work through means logistical."

He stared at her incredulously. "And you accept them rebuilding this… destructive thing?"

"Oh, quite—naught but pride does it bring," said Zecora, wrapping an arm around him. "They're not fixing a weapon; it's not their way. They're healing a living being. Good lasses are they."

In silence, they watched the Crusaders at work for several minutes. Soon, Zecora's attention was taken up by carefully examining every feature on Tinder's face.

When he caught her looking, she quickly grinned and said, "So! After a few potions, what would you say, to a little trip to Ponyville today?"

"Your home?" he said absently. "Hrmm… not interested in walking that far. Perhaps we could merely tour your boudoir."

"Boudoir?" Zecora repeated blankly, her eyes snapping toward her bed. Catching his meaning, she glared at him. "I'm not prepared," she said sharply.

"All you had to say," he said genially. "In that case, I shall be on my way."

Before she could object, he had departed through the portal, leaving behind nothing but the embers in the brazier.

"Ooookay then," Zecora said bitterly. "Never meet your heroes, and never date your superiors… it only makes your eyes get tearier."

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Endnotes

If anyone did a double-take at the word "plesippus", some rather significant research (okay, 20 seconds on Wikipedia) went into that moment. I knew the line I wanted—a line that was the equivalent of calling someone a "big jealous Neanderthal". Only thing was, I didn't know the word I needed to replace it—that being the word for the most recent ancestor of the modern horse. As it happens, the genus Equus is descended from the genus Plesippus, so… now I know that. Thus, the word "plesippus" in this story has the same connotations as calling someone a Neanderthal, that being that they're primitive and emotionally-driven aaaaand I've gone and explained all the funny away, but I didn't want to leave you hanging. Could have left you to look up the word yourselves, of course, but I like being the source of knowledge.

On another note, this leads me to an unanticipated addendum to my rant: I'd like to call your attention to the fact that I don't capitalize genus names in my writing—this is best noticed in LotG: Stellaris was a macrauchenia, Ngala was a microraptor, Giorgi was a megaloceros, and none of those words were ever capitalized. This is absolutely incorrect, but I'm heavily against gratuitous capitalization, especially if it's inconsistent. I believe that if you don't capitalize the word "human", you shouldn't capitalize the name of any kind of creature, be it an animal, alien, monster, or what-have-you. However, I'm heavily for gratuitous extinct animals, most of which are known by their genus name, which scientific tradition dictates is always capitalized… so to defend my principles I defy the entire taxonomic community. Which I'm otherwise a huge fan of, I may add. Yay, taxonomy!

Which brings me to an even more unanticipated third segment of this rant: the aforementioned gratuitous capitalization. Star Wars, Star Trek, and Animorphs are three examples that immediately come to mind—whenever they list the various alien races in their respective universes, "human" is the only one that goes un-capitalized. How do they not pick up on how odd that looks? Rowling and Paolini are notable in that they use pre-established fantasy creatures along with those they made up—and only capitalize the names of those they made up. What the hey? Tolkien may have made the odd and distracting decision to use "man" instead of "human", but at least he had the decency to capitalize "Man" along with every other race (or at least, the subtitles of movies based on his books do that, and that's the closest I've ever come to Tolkien's writing). Dungeons & Dragons does it right: they don't capitalize the name of any creature. In this, as in all things fantastical, D&D is the ultimate authority. To cap this whole thing off: apparently, the official capitalization for the three races of MLP is "unicorn", "Pegasus", and "Earth pony". Now that's just messed up.