Romance and the Fate of Equestria

Holy crud. It's been over a month and a half since last time I updated. That's practically a hiatus. Dudes, I am so sorry! I can't believe I let this happen. Life's been hectic. My job is over for the summer, so I've moved myself from Wisconsin to Illinois, then back to Colorado, and now I'm heading to Sweden pretty soon—with all that movin' around, it's been really hard to get any writing done. But here I am.

I'd like to thank all the new reviewers: the master of the game, bastetrulzall, sassymouse, and my dear friend Pixargirl. As always, not all of you have gotten all the way to the end, but just a treat for you when you do get here.

Chapter One Hundred and Seventeen

"Hey, Twilight. Twilight, come over here."

Twilight turned. She was walking down the frosty streets, wearing a heavy winter coat and hat and bearing empty saddlebags for a shopping trip. It was Applejack who had called her over, and Twilight approached.

"Take a look at this," Applejack said with a smirk, gesturing to a spot nearby.

Twilight followed Applejack's gaze, and attempted to comprehend what she was seeing. "Is it… hailing?" she demanded.

"Yup," Applejack said gleefully.

"…Just right there, nowhere else?"

"That's right."

"…Huh."

Twilight gave another look at the scene. The sky, as expected, was overcast and completely gray, with no precipitation scheduled. But sure enough, a torrent of hail was falling in a single spot, an area about five feet square.

"What is going on?" Twilight demanded, getting as close as she could without being pelted by hailstones and staring up at its source.

"Well, I'll tell ya," Applejack chortled. "This is hysterical: listen real close."

Twilight strained her ears, and after a moment, she realized that she could hear high-pitched giggling coming from atop the cloud.

"Oh, that's… that's Derpy," Twilight realized.

She heard a loud, passionate moan.

"…And Rainbow Dash," she said, her face going pale with shock.

"Hehe, yep," Applejack snickered. "They've been goin' at it up there for about forty minutes. Stirrin' up this here patch of cloud like crazy. Makin' it hail! Hehe."

Twilight eyed Applejack, smirking. "And you've been doing what, keeping tabs on them?"

Applejack frowned. "I, uh… I, uh… um…" She stared blankly at Twilight, then muttered, "Shut up."

Twilight laughed, and after a moment, Applejack shrugged and laughed as well. After a pause, they both looked back up at the source of the hail.

"Mmm…" they heard Rainbow Dash say. "You know that the ponies down there can totally hear us, right? They've probably been talking about us for the past… what's it been, forty minutes…?"

Derpy giggled. "I don't care."

Something caused Rainbow to gasp. "Oh, baby…" she said tenderly.

"All right, I'm getting out of here," Twilight said decisively.

"Heh, suit yourself," said Applejack, staying put and listening intently.

Twilight glared disdainfully at Applejack. "Don't you have anything else you could be doing?"

"Nah, I'm on break," Applejack replied absently. "I've been keepin' pretty busy: doin' the farm's finances, plannin' for spring, bakin' a lot more than I used to, droppin' the G's at the ends of words, all that stuff is hard work. 'Cause, you know, it's the stuff Granny used to do."

Twilight's eyes flashed with sorrow.

"Waitin' for the pain and grief of Granny's death to end… that wasn't all that hard," Applejack mumbled, turning to face Twilight. "It'll take me a lot longer to figure out the mechanics of livin' without her. Now I'm at the hard part."

"I understand," Twilight whispered. "You've got a lot on your mind."

"More than you know."

Twilight gave a small smile and waited expectantly for Applejack to elaborate. Applejack glanced upward, then sighed and walked away from the hailstorm. She and Twilight walked down the street together.

"So… what else?" Twilight nudged gently.

Applejack shrugged. "I'm horny, Twi. It's just that simple. I'm tired of being single, I'm tired of being a virgin… I don't wanna sleep alone anymore."

"Hear-hear, darling."

Twilight and Applejack nearly jumped in surprise. They were passing Carousel Boutique, and Rarity was standing in the front door, wearing a scarf and vest.

"The cold and gloom gets to us all," Rarity continued solemnly. "Care to get out of it for a moment? I have hot cider."

Moments later, Applejack and Twilight were sitting with Rarity around a small table by the boutique window, sipping hot cider from oversized pastel-colored mugs.

"How does it compare?" Rarity asked eagerly as Applejack took a drink.

Applejack raised the mug to Rarity. "It's like it was spiced with my grandmother's ashes."

Rarity grinned. "Well, what a flattering, if morbid, review from the master of apples herself. Thank you very much." She took a dainty sip herself. "As I was saying, I understand how you feel. It's a seasonal thing that we all know too well. I too dream of a warmer bed." She sighed sadly, then gave a little smile. "I've never felt closer to you, Applejack."

Applejack beamed. "Well… don't get too close. I ain't that horny."

"Wouldn't dream of it," Rarity giggled. "Last time we shared a bed, you hogged all the covers and pulled a tree down on us. I wouldn't want that to happen again."

Applejack laughed. "I don't know about hoggin' the covers, but I think we can agree that the tree was a one-time thing… unless you're into that. Hey, can I ask you two a question?"

"Of course, Applejack," Twilight said cheerfully. "We're your friends, you can ask us anything."

"Well, it's an awkward question," Applejack clarified. "'Cause it's racial, and kinda sexual…"

"Okay," Twilight said cautiously. "Well, the point still stands. Go right ahead."

"Just an urban legend I heard about unicorns," said Applejack. "Is it true the horn is an erogenous zone when handled properly? Like, does it turn you on when I do this?"

She put her hoof on the back of Rarity's neck and pulled her forward, then rapidly licked her horn from the base to the tip before backing off to see her reaction.

Rarity's eyes rolled back in her head and she gasped. "OOH!" she exclaimed, before sighing, her eyelids fluttering. "Aaaaahhhh…"

"Is that a yes?" Applejack said dryly.

"Yes…" Rarity muttered weakly.

"Wow. Right there in the middle of your head. You must get accidentally aroused all the damn time…"

"No," Rarity mumbled. "As you said, it must be handled properly… and you handled it." She glared at Applejack. "Don't do that, all right? I'm very sensitive and volatile at this juncture. Arousing me like that… I might want you now."

Applejack looked horrified, and Rarity laughed heartily.

"What do you mean 'volatile', Rarity?" Twilight said in concern. "Is something wrong?"

"No, not really," Rarity said. "I'm just sensitive. Not to sound unladylike, but I get aroused easily, because… well, because it's been a while. Kissing Chrysalis, and what Applejack just did to me, put those two things together and you have all of the sex I've had since the spring of 1007."

"Ouch!" Twilight exclaimed loudly, wincing. "A five-year dry spell? Yikes. That sounds awful. I'm so sorry. How, um… how are you handling that?" She leaned toward Rarity. "I ask because… you know, assuming things go well with Joe, that's what I'm looking at. Five years. I'm only two months in, and already I'm going a bit… well, you've seen me eat donuts."

Rarity chuckled. "You have been a bit jittery. But you'll be fine. Oh, there are a few hurdles. It's a form of withdrawal, you know. It'll be a struggle at first, but after some time, you'll find other things to think about. Why do you think I'm such a good seamstress? If you said I'd have been able to devote as much time, energy, and practice to my craft if I was having regular sex… you would be wrong."

Applejack looked between the two of them. "Huh," she said thoughtfully. "I thought Rainbow was just yankin' my chain before, but maybe a 'dry spell' is worse than being a virgin. It's like the difference between withdrawal and never taking drugs in the first place."

"In a sense," Rarity agreed. "Sex can be a type of drug, but… oh, it's much too beautiful a thing to describe so crudely. And it's something we all crave, so I completely understand the agitation you're going through. They say you can't miss what you've never had, but when it comes to desiring that kind of closeness… you can."

Applejack whimpered. "Yeah, you can miss it. And I do."

Rarity placed her hoof atop Applejack's on the table. "Well, you're not alone. I'm lonely and… for lack of a better word, 'horny', right here with you."

Applejack nodded. "I'm just so busy, you know? Even if I had time for a real relationship, I don't really want one. Too much work. I just want somepony to sleep with, get the virginity thing over and done with." She grabbed a cookie from a tin in the center of the table and took a huge, violent bite out of it. "You know, some guy just to tide me over while I figure out how to be in charge of the orchard. Once that's all settled, then I'll see about lookin' for a real, meaningful, settle-down-and-have-a-family kind of relationship. Maybe with the same guy I was casual with, maybe not… depends on who I get, really."

Twilight exhaled softly through her nose as she stared at her cider. "AJ, I don't want to be judgmental or tell you how to live your life, but I don't think you should just go looking for sex. I see sex as the thing that seals a meaningful commitment that's already been established, not a goal in and of itself. …On the other hoof, what do I know about that? Historically, it doesn't take much to get me into bed." She turned to the ceiling and pondered. "I mean, I guess your plan isn't wrong, really. Whatever you want to do, whatever fills your emotional needs… I support you doing what's good for you, Applejack, and you might be onto something."

"She is," Rarity agreed. "Sometimes a girl just needs to… put out the fire. Building a foundation for it can be frustrating, more trouble than it's worth. There are times where one needs a little 'something-something' just to clear one's head."

"That is why I originally started sleeping with Joe," Twilight admitted. "I just wanted a friend with benefits. And that turned into the real deal, so… I don't know, it just doesn't often come highly recommended. There's no escape from confusing emotional conflicts when you're in a sexual relationship. Somepony could get hurt."

Applejack rubbed Twilight's shoulder. "Well, I'll tell ya what, I appreciate your perspective and your unconditional support."

"Any time," Twilight said sweetly.

"So… I'll keep your warnings in mind. And I'll keep you posted on… any mistakes I might make."

"Sounds good." Twilight glanced at the table and noticed that Rarity and Applejack were still holding hooves. "You know… if you two are really needing to scratch that itch, either one of you is free to borrow my neck massager, if you'd like. You both clearly need it more than I do."

"Neck massager?" Applejack said blankly.

"Yeah. My 'neck massager'," said Twilight, making quotes in the air with her front hooves. "You know what I mean. It's got an enchantment on it, so it vibrates. Feels really good. One time I even used it to actually massage my neck, and I have to admit, it wasn't half bad."

"Your neck messager, as in you've used it?" Rarity said nervously. "For purposes other than as advertised? And you want to lend it to one of us? Is that sanitary?"

"Maybe not," Twilight submitted. "All right, bad idea."

"Well, not a completely bad idea," said Applejack. "I might get one. Where do you find one of them neck massagers?"

"The market," said Twilight. "I'll show you."

"A'ight. Rarity, you wanna come with?"

Rarity smiled. "Thanks, I've already got one."

"Mmm," Applejack said appreciatively. She chewed on her lip for a moment. "Hey, Rarity?"

"Yes?"

"There's this thing I was gonna do with Rainbow Dash, but she got together with Derpy before we could ever get it started… I realize now it was probably a mistake not to include you at the beginning. Should've done that, and I'm sorry."

"That's quite all right, Applejack," Rarity said nervously. "Whatever are you talking about?"

"Rainbow and I were gonna hit town lookin' for dates together. You wanna do that with me?"

"Oh, yes, yes, certainly!" Rarity exclaimed eagerly. "You and I, hunting for stallions, being each other's wingponies, oh! That sounds wonderful!"

Twilight beamed. "Aww."

"It would be a team effort, of course," Rarity said breezily. "Either we both go home with a stallion or neither of us do."

Applejack thought about it. "All right, you got yourself a deal. Mighty generous of you."

"No, not at all," Rarity insisted. "It shouldn't be a problem. I'd say we're on even ground."

"Nice of you to say so, but no, I feel like you'll have a better time of it than I will," Applejack muttered. "It'll be you givin' up the guy you hooked when I don't get one… you already know how to pick up guys. Although, hey, since you have done that—why don't we start with the last guy you slept with and work our way backward through the list?" She winked. "Who's the guy you were with back in '07?"

Rarity blushed. "Oh, he was just… just a one-night stand."

"Sounds perfect!" Applejack said brightly. "Maybe you can track him down and see if you can arrange another one of those for the two of ya, just to get your head on straight."

"No… no. He wouldn't be interested in that."

"Well, you could at least find him and ask him," Applejack needled. "He might surprise you. And he can bring a friend for me…"

"No," Rarity said firmly. "He definitely does not want to sleep with me again."

"What makes you so sure?" Applejack demanded.

"He's seeing Fluttershy."

There was a long, painful silence. Applejack's eye started twitching. "B-Big Mac?" she stammered.

"…Eeyup," Rarity said sheepishly.

Applejack quivered with rage, her teeth clenched. "You had sex with my brother?"

Rarity gave a pale imitation of a smile. "In my defense, who hasn't?"

"That's your defense?" Twilight muttered.

"I said 'in my defense', I didn't say I had a good defense," Rarity muttered back wryly.

Applejack glared at Twilight. "And you, you knew about this?"

Twilight looked taken aback. "What? Look, I don't know why everypony assumes I know everything about every—yes I did," she submitted. "Rarity told me at the, ah, sleepover. Not the one that was just the three of us, the one with all six of us right after the wedding. Funny thing, isn't it? Before that night, we'd all known each other for over two years and I feel like we never once discussed sex or dating. But then I brought it up at that party, and ever since then it's practically all we ever talk about." She paused and glanced between the other two. "I don't know, I just find that kind of weird."

"It's all in the past," Rarity said desperately through a forced smile. "I've let it go, Fluttershy's let it go, you can… oh look, she's doing that thing again with her nostrils…"

Applejack covered her nose with a hoof, and continued glaring silently until she was able to breathe more slowly. "All right," she finally said. "It's okay. Just… forgot for a moment, that that was kind of his shtick… can't believe I had no idea 'bout that 'til it was over. But you're right, all in the past." She relaxed her body, but continued having difficulty meeting Rarity's eye, though she tried continually.

"So, back to our plan about meeting ponies together," Rarity said to break the silence. "I have a very good feeling about it."

"Right, yes, so do I," Applejack said gratefully. "But, uh, be patient with me. I haven't done much flirtin'. I don't wanna hold you back."

"I don't want to hold you back either, darling, that's why I proposed the pact in which we must both score a stallion," Rarity stated. "You and I are very different, making it likely that one of us ends up out of our element while the other excels—and, despite what you say, it's just as likely that I end up being the one who falls behind. There is such a large variety of places we might search, some that favor me, some that favor you… we'll keep things fair and try to find a locale that might give us both an advantage in the game.

"The pact shouldn't hold us back for too long. After all, you're extremely genial and likable, more so than nearly any other pony I've ever met, and I… well, I'm the third best-looking mare in Ponyville." Rarity grinned. "We'll figure something out."

"Damn straight," Applejack said deviously. "We'll be unstoppable. You and me workin' as a team, we're gonna get all kinds of laid!"

Rarity giggled and the two shared a hoof-bump. "Just think," said Rarity. "Somewhere in Ponyville there's a couple of fellows who have no idea they'll be waking up in our beds sometime in the next week."

"And maybe, just maybe, stickin' around for a while," Applejack said solemnly.

"Maybe," Rarity agreed. "What if we're so hot that we both get boyfriends on our first try? That would top every 'awesome' thing Rainbow Dash has ever done… oh, I'm loving this plan. And I love you, Applejack."

Applejack stepped back in surprise and held a hoof to her heart. "Oh!" she said tenderly. "I love you too, Rarity…"

"You guys are so cute!" Twilight squealed. "I love seeing you cheering each other up like this." They smiled back at her, and a thought suddenly came into her mind. "The third best-looking mare in Ponyville? You said Fluttershy was the most attractive. Who the heck is the second?"

"You, darling," Rarity beamed.

"Me?" Twilight demanded. "Rarity, I'm not that pretty! Certainly not more than you. I'm a geek!"

Applejack and Rarity instantly broke out laughing. "You're a geek," Applejack mocked. "Suuuuuuure you are, Twi. Like when there's some hot new teen superstar up-and-comin' in Applewood, and they put her in a high school movie, and they slap glasses and a frumpy shirt on this totally gorgeous filly and expect the audience to believe she's a plain-lookin' social outcast, that's what kind of geek you are."

Twilight tried to fight a smile, but a huge one broke out across her face. "Come on… you guys are making me blush."

"Twilight, you can't deny you're very appealing," said Rarity. "In the past six months, you've had two sexual partners. That's as much as the rest of the group put together, as far as we know. One for Fluttershy, one for Rainbow, two for you. Pinkie Pie, as always, is an enigma, you never really know what she's up to, but you get my point."

Twilight flinched. "Vorpal Blade doesn't… although, he did say that he really did fall in love with me, and I don't know what motive he could have had to lie about that after revealing himself… and Cadance told me he was surprised at how deeply in love with me he was. If he didn't love me, she would have known."

"Hey, it's like you said: there are always confusing emotional conflicts," Applejack said with a chuckle. "Even the bad guys get caught in your web of feelings, Twi. They try to bang ya but end up makin' love to ya. Ha!"

Twilight stared at Applejack pitifully. "I'm not ready to joke about that, AJ. My heart isn't as broken as it was, but I still feel violated."

Applejack slumped in shame. "Sorry."

"It's okay."

Applejack bit her lip in concern. "I… kind of had a question about you and Vorpal Blade, but if you're this uncomfortable with speakin' about it, I can… go without."

"AJ, you know you're one of my very best friends," said Twilight. "We're family. I told you that you can ask me anything, and I meant it."

"Okay. Well, I apologize anyway, for crossin' a line, I just… I've had sex on the brain a lot lately…"

"Go on," Twilight said kindly.

"Of the two guys you've been with… who was the better lover?" Applejack stammered out.

Twilight blinked. "You're asking me to compare Vorpal Blade and Joe? You know there's no comparison, right?"

"Of course, but… without knowin' what you know about Vorpal Blade now… how was he? I've been curious about this for a while, 'cause… well, Joe just doesn't seem like the type to be good in bed, is all." Applejack continued stammering wordlessly for a moment, before carefully proceeding: "He's… a bit crusty and uncouth even by my standards, and kinda, you know, heavy, and Vorpal Blade… well, we can't deny he was sexy and charming. And you definitely loved him, but you were never all over him and super-hot for him the way you were with Joe at the Bazaar, so…" She sighed and looked away. "I'm sorry I asked."

"No, it's a good question," Twilight realized. "Like, an unbiased appraisal of their respective aptitudes in the bedroom, based on how I felt about Vorpal Blade at the time I was dating him? I'd have to think about it."

Rarity stared at Twilight, wide-eyed with fascination. "It's like a soap opera."

Twilight laughed before furrowing her brow in deep thought. "Well… to begin, I would definitely say, from a technical standpoint, that Vorpal Blade was good. Like, really good. But, then again, he is six hundred years old. He's probably had a lot of time to experiment and refine his technique, figure out what a mare will like. Joe didn't have that experience and refinement, since, well… I was his first."

"You were?" Rarity gasped in delight.

"Yeah," Twilight said fondly. "I didn't know that until a couple days in. To think… we met at the Bazaar, I wasn't expecting to see him, he wasn't expecting to see me, and then ten minutes later we were sleeping together—gosh, that would have been alarming enough if I wasn't his first. And then when I found out I was, oh, I felt so guilty. Like I'd taken advantage of him.

"But… the thing about Vorpal Blade's perfect technique—in retrospect, and having been with somepony else since then—it was like he was following a script. Having experienced true passion from Joe, it's clear that Vorpal didn't have any. He was just taking a systematic approach to… getting me there. And it worked every time, it worked very well, but it was the same every time, the same thing he'd run through dozens of times before. Now, Joe, he didn't always get me there, but he wanted to, you know? He wanted to so badly. And he tried and tried again, and I helped him, and every night, we didn't stop until we figured it out. And while figuring it out, we tried everything. And that was so much more fun. That's why I was so much more passionate about Joe. With him, it was always an experiment. By our last day together… yes, by our last day, he was a better lover than Vorpal Blade. Because he had technique and passion. He'd figured me out, but there was still the mystery, still always looking for something new. And you know, as a scientist, hee hee, I'm into that. I guess Vorpal Blade figured he'd already found everything."

Applejack hung her head guiltily. "Maybe I should just keep my big mouth shut. I didn't wanna make you dwell on what it was like sleepin' with Vorpal Blade. I remember how steamed you got when Discord brought it up…"

"It's fine, Applejack," Twilight insisted. "No, I liked talking about that. It was nice to have some closure. I think it helped me move on and heal a little bit more." She nuzzled Applejack. "There's nothing you or any of my friends can ask me that's too invasive. We've known each other too long and too well for that."

The three of them were suddenly aware of the tiny hailstorm sputtering and sprinkling erratically. There was a rumble of thunder, and the hailstorm was replaced by flurry of lightning, crackling noisily along with more thunder, beneath which they could hear Rainbow Dash screaming with joy. All of that slowly faded away, and the skies were quiet once more.

"Oh, Rainbow, you lucky, lucky thing," Rarity said sensuously. "I don't think I've ever felt like screaming that loudly…"

"Really?" Applejack said dryly. "'Cause I can think of a couple—"

"In the bedroom," Rarity clarified tersely with a harsh glare. The two stared tensely at each other for a few seconds before breaking out laughing.

"So, neck massager?" Applejack said to Twilight.

"Yeah, I'll show you where you can get one," said Twilight, stepping away from the table.

"A'ight," said Applejack, following her. "Rarity, I look forward to hittin' town with ya."

"Likewise," Rarity said warmly. "Can't wait to be your wingpony. Tonight?"

"Tonight…" Applejack pondered. "I think I'm too busy tonight. I've gotta draw up the budget for spring."

"Mmm," said Rarity, nodding. "Well, probably for the best. I have Snowdrop designs to work on."

"Mkay, well, we'll figure somethin' out," said Applejack. "How about we check with each other every day until we find a night that works for both of us?"

"Or get together and whip out our respective calendars?" Rarity suggested.

"That works too."

"But it's certainly not a question of if," Rarity assured her with a little smile. "Just of when."

"You betcha," Applejack agreed.

"The stallions will be lining up at the bar to woo us."

"Hehe."

Twilight and Applejack left the boutique and continued down the wintry streets. The small torrent of hail had resumed; this time, Rainbow's laughter could be heard while it was Derpy who was gasping and moaning.