---

(When last seen, the ponies were about to sing a song in Hoggle's honor, but instead fell through a trapdoor.)

The ponies, Megan, and Hoggle land in an underground cavern. Hoggle clings precariously onto the edge.

Fizzy:
Hang on Hoggle!

Magic Star:
Ugh! What died down here!

Gusty:
You said it . . . it stinks! Literally!

Hoggle:
It's the Bog of Eternal Stench! Help!

Megan:
Hold on!

The ponies and Megan pull Hoggle to safety.

Hoggle:
What did you have to go and do a thing like that for?

Shady:
What? You mean rescuing you?

Gusty (disgruntled):
You're right--that was a mistake.

Hoggle:
No, no! Dedicating a song to me!

Megan:
Don't pretend to be so hard! We know you came back to help us, and we know you're our friend!

Hoggle:
Did not! Am not! I just came back here to give you this!

Hoggle starts to get a peach out of his pocket.

Fizzy:
You came back to give us a peach?

The stones crumble and Hoggle slips.

Megan:
Hold on!

Megan grabs Hoggle, and the ponies grab Megan. They all fall down, landing on Ludo.

Magic Star:
Ludo!

Ludo:
Smell.

Shady:
Where's Hoggle?

Somehow Hoggle has ended underneath Ludo.

Hoggle:
Get off of me!

Magic Star:
There he is. No, it's okay, Hoggle, Ludo's our friend too!

Hoggle:
A what?

Ludo:
Smell!

Gusty (sarcastic):
Yes, I think we've all noticed the smell, thank you.

Shady:
Look, a bridge!

Megan:
Maybe it leads to a way out! Come on!

Hoggle:
Watch it! You step in this stuff once, you'll stink forever!

Everyone goes to a small island; the bridge leads off of it and out of the swamp.

Suddenly, Sir Didymus, a small furry fox, jumps in front of the group.

Didymus:
Stop! Stop I say!

Gusty:
What NOW?

Magic Star:
We have to get across!

Shady:
Oh no, a fox! What if he's rabid?

All:
Shut up, Shady!

Didymus:
Without my permission, none may cross!

Hoggle:
We've got to get out of the stench!

Ludo:
Smell bad!

Didymus:
Stench? Of what speakest thou?

Gusty:
Great; all the bridges in the Labyrinth and we run into the one patrolled by a Shakespearean fox.

Megan:
The smell! It's terrible!

Didymus:
I smell nothing! I live by my sense of smell! The air is sweet and fragrant!

Gusty:
You live by your sense of smell, huh? I wonder what Darwin would say about that.

Didymus:
And none may pass without my permission!

Ludo:
Smell bad!

Hoggle:
Oh, get out of my way!

Didymus:
I'm sworn to do my duty!

Megan:
But you have to let us across!

Hoggle runs toward the bridge and across.

Didymus:
Hold! I don't want to hurt you!

Magic Star:
Hoggle, what are you doing?

Gusty:
Hmm, we run into danger; Hoggle runs away. I'm sensing a pattern here.

Ludo blocks Didymus' way.

Didymus:
Let go of my staff! All right, then, I can conquer this mountain!

Didymus starts nipping and biting Ludo, who swings at him.

Didymus:
Thou must do better than that! Give up? Ha ha! Enough! Never have I met my match in battle, yet this noble knight has fought me to a standstill!

Gusty (unimpressed):
Well whoop-de-doo for him.

Fizzy:
Ludo, are you okay?

Ludo:
Smell!

Didymus:
Sir Ludo, I, Sir Didymus, yield to thee! Come, let us be brothers henceforth and fight for the right as one! Thank you very much!

Ludo:
Ludo get brother.

Gusty:
So the refugee from "Planet of the Apes" is now related to the tribble? Great. Just great.

Megan:
Great! Let's get going!

She starts to cross the bridge, but Didymus jumps in front of her.

Didymus:
You forget my sacred vow!

Shady:
But I thought Ludo was your brother now!

Didymus:
I must defend my oath to the death!

Ludo:
Smell!

Magic Star:
Okay, let's handle this logically . . .

Gusty (groaning):
If you start to sound like Wind Whistler, I'm leaving!

Magic Star:
. . . what exactly have you sworn?

Didymus:
I have sworn with my lifeblood no one shall pass without my permission!

Fizzy:
Well . . . can we have your permission then?

Didymus:
Well, I . . . uh . . .

Gusty:
Simple yes or no question, Didymus.

Didymus:
Yes?

Megan:
Thank you!

Didymus:
My lady!

The ponies and Megan look doubtfully at the swaying bridge. Megan begins to cross.

Didymus:
Have no fear! This bridge has lasted for 1,000 years!

Didymus taps the bridge with his sword. It falls apart. Megan grabs onto a tree branch above her and remains dangling.

Didymus:
It seemed solid enough!

Gusty:
Wow, I'm sure glad I didn't go first!

Magic Star:
Gusty!

Gusty:
What?

Hoggle runs back to try to help Megan.

Megan:
Hoggle!

Didymus:
Fear not, fair maiden! I will save thee . . . somehow!

Shady:
Oh no, if Megan falls in, she'll smell like the bog forever!

Fizzy:
Well, it's only forever--not long at all!

Ludo begins howling.

Didymus:
Canst thou sit and howl when yon maiden needs our help?

As Ludo howls, stones roll into the bog, creating stepping stones.

Megan:
That's incredible, Ludo!

Didymus:
Canst thou summon up the very rocks?

Ludo:
Sure. Rocks friends.

Gusty:
Well, I guess that makes sense. Their IQ is the same as yours . . .

Magic Star:
Gusty!

Gusty:
What? It's true!

Hoggle helps Megan get to solid land.

Megan:
Thanks Hoggle!

Ludo and the ponies walk across on the rocks.

Didymus:
Sir Ludo, wait for me! Oh, Ambrosius!

An English Sheepdog pokes it's head from behind a rock.

Didymus:
It's all right, Ambrosius, you can come out now! Come on. That-a boy. My loyal steed! Steady! Up!

Didymus gets on the dog.

Didymus:
Forward! Ah, steady! Steady, boy. Come on, Ambrosius.

Ambrosius is reluctant to cross on the rocks.

Didymus:
Just close your eyes and go!

Megan:
Let's get out of here!

Hoggle begins to drop the peach into the Bog of Eternal Stench.

Jareth's voice:
I wouldn't do that if I were you!

Hoggle (to himself):
I can't give it to them!

Didymus:
Well, come on then. We should reach the castle well before day!

Meanwhile, back at the throne room, Baby Lickety-Split is sulking and Spike is looking for a way out.

Jareth:
Look, Megan. Is this what you and the ponies are trying to find? So much trouble over such a little thing.

Baby Lickety-Split:
I am not little!

Jareth:
Shut up! (to himself) This is why I usually kidnap infants . . . Anyway, they'll soon forget all about you--as soon as Hoggle gives her my present. Then they'll forget about everything.

Baby Lickety-Split:
Well, at least they'll forget about your tights!

Spike and Baby Lickety-Split giggle.

Jareth:
SHUT UP!

In the meantime, the ponies and their friends are continuing on their journey . . .

Didymus:
Is that my stomach or yours, Ambrosius?

Ludo:
Hungry!

Megan:
Well, we can't stop now!

Fizzy:
Maybe we can find some berries or something!

Shady:
Oh no! What if they're poisonous? What if they're poison nightshade and . . .

All:
Shut up, Shady.

Hoggle:
Uh, Megan . . . little ponies . . .

Gusty:
Yeah?

Hoggle takes out the peach.

Hoggle:
Here.

Megan:
Oh! Thanks Hoggle!

Magic Star:
But how will we divide it?

Gusty:
That's not a lot to share between a human and four ponies.

Magic Star:
This would be hard for us ponies to eat without opposable thumbs, so I suggest that we let Megan have it.

Fizzy:
Yeah--we can eat grass and stuff!

Megan:
Oh, I couldn't possibly!

Gusty:
Oh, go ahead Megan. Magic Star's right.

Megan:
Thanks little ponies!

Hoggle:
Uh . . . I think it would be better if you all ate--to build up your strength.

Gusty:
Don't worry, we're plenty strong.

The ponies trot ahead, leaving Megan hanging behind a little.

Megan bites into the peach.

Megan:
This tastes strange. Are you sure it's FDA approved? Hoggle, what have you done?

Megan collapses.

Hoggle:
Oh, damn you Jareth! And damn me too!

Megan:
Everything's dancing . . .

Meanwhile, everyone else continues ahead, not noticing that anything's amiss.

Didymus:
Yea, verily! Whoa, Ambrosius, whoa! The castle doth lie yonder, my lady! My lady? My lady? My lady?!

Magic Star:
Uh oh.

Shady:
Oh no!

Gusty:
I've got a bad feeling about this.

In the meantime, Megan finds herself in an otherworldly realm of dancers. Of course, Jareth is there too, dancing and occasionally staring at Megan.

Voiceover of Jareth (singing):
There's such a sad love
Deep in your eyes,
A kind of pale jewel opened and closed within your eyes.
I'll place the sky within--

Megan (looking at Jareth):
How are you singing with your mouth closed?

Voiceover of Jareth (singing):
--your eyes--huh?

Megan:
I said, how are you singing without moving your lips? Are you a ventriloquist?

Voiceover:
Shut up! (continues singing)

There's such a fooled heart, beating so fast
In search of new dreams, a love that will last.
Within your heart, I'll place the moon . . .

Megan continues staring at Jareth, trying to see if he's moving his lips.

Voiceover:
. . . within your heart. As the pain sweeps through--damn it! Stop staring at me! You're supposed to be running through the crowd of dancers!

Megan:
Why?

Voiceover:
You're spoiling the mood! You're spoiling the atmosphere!

Megan:
So is this the castle I was supposed to find my way to?

Voiceover:
NO!

Megan:
It sure looks like a castle to me!

Voiceover (cross):
Well, it's NOT!

Megan:
If I find my way to the castle, will you do that ventriloquism thing for the baby ponies' birthday parties?

Voiceover:
WHAT?

Megan:
You could help yourself to cake, of course . . .

Voiceover:
Help myself to--GET OUT OF HERE!!!

Megan looks around for a door.

Voiceover:
Oh, HERE!

The floor caves out from under Megan and she falls, landing in a junkheap.

Suddenly, we see Hoggle sitting sadly in a different part of the junkpile.

Hoggle:
What have I done? I've lost my only friend, that's what I've done! Well, there are still the ponies, but I doubt if they'll thank me for losing their friend. Well . . . maybe Gusty . . .

Hoggle spots Megan.

Hoggle:
Oh!

He remains hidden.

Megan:
Where am I?

Suddenly, a junkwoman appears; she carries a large pile of junk on her back.

Junkwoman:
Ow! Get off me! Why don't you look where you're going, young woman, hmm?

Megan:
I was watching where I was going.

Junkwoman:
Where were you going?

Megan:
Uh . . . I don't remember.

Junkwoman:
You can't look where you're going if you don't know where you're going.

Megan:
I was looking for something.

Junkwoman:
Well, look here! Hmm?

Junkwoman holds out a stuffed teddy bear.

Junkwoman:
That's what you were looking for, wasn't it, m'dear?

Megan:
A teddy bear? Um . . . no.

Junkwoman:
Now, why don't you come in here and--what do you mean, "no"?!

Megan:
I mean, "No, that's not what I was looking for." I've never seen that teddy bear in my life.

Junkwoman:
Yes you have! It's Lancelot!

Megan:
No I haven't.

Junkwoman:
Yes you have!

Megan:
No.

Junkwoman:
Oh, forget it! Come in here and see if there's anything you like!

Junkwoman drags Megan into a room with an Escher drawing on the wall and little cubbyholes on the wall filled with toys and dolls.

Megan:
Wow, that lady must be going through her second childhood.

Junkwoman (from the other side of the door):
You're supposed to say "It was just a dream!"

Megan:
Yeah, I wake up in strange rooms all the time after falling asleep.

Junkwoman enters.

Junkwoman:
You're saying all the wrong things! Well, I guess I'll just have to adlib . . . Jareth doesn't pay me enough for this sort of aggravation, I can tell you that!

Junkwoman grabs various toys and shoves them into Megan's arms.

Junkwoman:
Your little bunny rabbit! You like your little bunny rabbit!

Megan shrugs and takes the bunny.

Junkwoman:
Yes yes yes! Oh, and there's Betsy Boo! Yes yes yes! What else have we got? What's this? Let's have a look! It's a pencil box! Got lots of pencils!

Megan (unenthused):
Wow.

Junkwoman:
Here's your panda slippers! You like your panda slippers! Never wanted them thrown away, did you? Now then, what else? Oh, it's little horsie! You love little horsie, don't you?

Megan (absentmindedly):
Horsie . . . little horsie . . . my little horsie . . . my little p--

Junkwoman (hurridly):
And look at this! You got a printing game! Here's a treasure! (handing Megan some make-up) You'll want that, won't you, m'dear? Put it on! Make yourself up! And here's good old Flopsie, you'll want her! Oh yes, oh yes, Charlie Bear! There's Charlie Bear for you, hmm?

Megan yawns.

Megan:
I'm pretty sure I wasn't looking for someone else's ratty toys.

Junkwoman:
Ah, don't talk nonsense! Everything in the world you ever cared about is all right here! Here's your little toy candy shop!

Megan shrugs. She looks extremely bored.

Junkwoman:
Well?

Megan:
Well what?

Junkwoman:
You're missing your cue again! Say your lines!

Megan:
Huh?

Junkwoman:
Do I have to do everything around here?

Junkwoman grabs a book from the desk, flips through it until she comes to a certain page, and hands the book to Megan.

Junkwoman:
Read that, smarty!

Megan:
"Through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered, I have fought my way here to the Goblin City to take back the child that you hath stolen."

Megan looks at the Junkwoman.

Junkwoman:
That's more like it! Ahem . . . what's the matter, m'dear? Don't like your toys?

Megan:
Is that it, or should I turn the page?

Junkwoman (shouting at the ceiling):
This is the LAST time I do this, Jareth! The last time!

Megan:
And these aren't actually my toys, either. Just so you know.

Junkwoman:
You have to say the next lines!

Megan:
Of the book?

Junkwoman:
No, no! The next lines!

Megan looks confused.

Junkwoman:
Oh, for heaven's--what is this room filled with?

Megan:
Toys.

Junkwoman:
Toys which are . . . ?

Megan:
Someone else's.

Junkwoman:
Yes, and these toys are very old. In fact, one might say they are . . . ?

Megan:
Falling apart.

Junkwoman:
Yes, and things which are falling apart are . . . ?

Megan:
Not going to last much longer.

Junkwoman:
Argh! Yes, and if things fall apart we call them . . . ?

Megan:
Broken?

Junkwoman:
No no no!

Megan:
Couldn't you just tell me?

Junkwoman:
No! You have to say it on your own! Okay, let's try this a different way. Outside this room, you saw . . . ?

Megan:
You.

Junkwoman:
Besides me.

Megan:
A bunch of trash.

Junkwoman:
And another word for trash IS . . . ?

Megan:
Garbage?

Junkwoman:
ARGHHHH!!! Okay, how about this . . .

Junkwoman
holds up three fingers.

Megan:
Three words.

Junkwoman nods. She holds up three fingers again.

Megan:
Third word.

Junkwoman nods. She taps on finger against her arm.

Megan:
One syllable.

Junkwoman nods. She grabs her ear.

Megan:
Sounds like . . .

Junkwoman nods. She goes over to the bed and holds her hands several feet above it.

Megan:
Uh . . . ceiling?

Junkwoman shakes her head. She holds her head above the bed again, then pantomimes climbing up a ladder and then lying down.

Megan:
Bunk?

Junkwoman nods energetically.

Megan:
Sounds like bunk . . . clunk, dunk, flunk, gunk, hunk, junk, lunk, monk . . .

Junkwoman gestures wildly.

Megan:
Lunk?

Junkwoman shakes her head.

Megan:
Junk?

Junkwoman nods wildly.

Megan:
Junk! Third word is "junk"!

Junkwoman holds two fingers. Then she grabs her ear again.

Megan:
Second word. Sounds like . . .

Junkwoman pantomimes catching a ball.

Megan:
Catch? No, ball. Sounds like ball. Call, doll, fall, gall, hall, mall, tall, wall . . . that's it!

Junkwoman shakes her head.

Megan:
But I went through the whole alphabet! That's all!

Junkwoman gestures wildly.

Megan:
What? Oh, "all"! Something "all junk".

Junkwoman nods, then grabs her ear and pretends to hit a ball with a bat.

Megan:
Sounds like hit? Bits, fits, it's . . .

Junkwoman nods and jumps around.

Megan:
"It's"! It's . . . all . . . junk!

Junkwoman:
FINALLY! Um, okay, let's see here . . . (picks up a fragile looking music box with a ballet dancer inside a glass globe) Well, what about this? This is not junk!

Megan:
It will be if you keep shaking it like that.

Junkwoman:
You're an evil little child, aren't you? Well, if you think I'm playing Charades again, you can forget it! Here's a hint— you have to go rescue that little purple pony and the dragon!

Megan:
Oh, that's right! Baby Lickety-Split! And Spike! How could I forget?

The roof and walls of the room begin to collapse.

Junkwoman (leaving):
Took long enough . . .

---