[Tick.]

“Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!”

That was all Baton could say when we ran down the tunnel, screaming our lungs out as a horde of Rose Line zombies chased after us.

It didn't take long for us to be in that situation. The first few minutes after we killed that super mutant zombie and its horde was okay. We walked, scavenged, and stayed alert, and we even found some Republic Sixty One soldiers and more rotters ripped to shreds with some dead zombies around them, but, like all good things, this moment of peace had to end. And end it did with a shriek of one of the zombies.
We turned to the source of the shriek and saw a zombie standing on the remains of a walkway that crossed over the highway, and that shriek called more zombies, and they came very quick. I think they might have heard about their big guy getting killed, because they came out in ten fold in this ugly swarm of drooling, tentacle whipping, mutant pony ugliness, and they were pissed.

The last battle ate through our ammo, so all we could do was run, and we didn't stop running for only Celestia knows how long. It felt like hours, but for once I wasn't counting time.
We didn't know where we were going. We were just running and taking whatever turn seemed safest, and while that happened, more Rose Line zombies joined in on the chase. It didn't matter if every part of our bodies felt like they were splintering or rupturing, and we sure as hell were not going to stop because our lungs were on fire! We had to escape and there was no room to acknowledge our pains.

Luckily for us, I spotted a sign that read “EXIT 17” from the corner of my eye, and I yelled at the others to go left, and no questions asked, we turned to the exit. It was a hill of broken asphalt, rusted wagons and the entrance to a subway blocked off by a gate. But the best part was that there was light to the outside world! We had a chance to escape!

I laughed for joy and praised Celestia, and Lilac sobbed joyously and picking up speed, saying: “Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou!” at a speed no pony should be able to.

Baton on the other hoof, went on his “Shit” spree and fell behind to shoot at a few of the zombies, then he threw his can grenade at the gate. It sailed right over our heads and the explosion was glorious.
The gate was blown open and covered in the sparkly flames, and me and Lilac cheered and leaped through the flames, only to see a barricade and somepony manning a big machine gun turret pull the trigger. With him was a firing squad of others who held more weapons, including machine guns, rifles, rockets, grenade launchers, shotguns, and one guy who held a really big, fat weapon that looked like an obese rocket launcher with its barrel replaced with a launch rail.

Time crawled and my blood froze from Charon's horrible joke. Right as I though we were about to die, Baton tackled me and Lilac to the ground and put up a shield that was just big enough to cover the three of us.
The screaming and rat-a-tat-tats, whooshes, pops and buzzes of all the weapons was muffled, but me and Lilac both shrunk further under Baton as the display of munitions banging against the shield. The lights were blinding and the crackles of energy mixed with the a horrible sounds of zombies being slaughtered and Baton screaming as his horn started to spark and his shield started to become dimmer.

Then it happened.

The guy with the big, fat weapon, launched a fat rocket at us, and while it missed us, it did land pretty damn close behind, and we felt the heat and shock wave through Baton's shield. The exit we came from crumbled in an inferno, pushing more debris over us, and nearly shattering Baton's shield. There were cracks all around it like a glued up glass orb, and Baton was quivering at the knees and globs of sweat trailed down his head as he panted and struggled to keep his shield up.

The bullets kept coming, and when one broke through and struck the ground near us, Baton's horn erupted in a flash of light and with a voice amplifying spell, he screamed: “Hold your fire! Friendlies! We're friendlies!”
Surprisingly, the shooting stopped, and everything became silent, save for the sounds of debris rolling down the newly made hill. After the fog cleared, Baton kept his shield up, but he squinted his eyes, muttered something and stood up at his full height, blocking me and Lilac from the firing squad.

“What the... Burst Fire, is that you!?” hollered Baton.

“Baton!?” shouted the one behind the turret after a brief pause. He stood up and that was when I saw that Burst Fire was an old, light brown donkey donning old royal guard armor that had seen its fair share of repairs. I didn't like him already.

“Damn right it's me! Now tell your troops to stand down!” yelled Baton angrily.

Burst Fire ordered his troops to stand down and Baton lowered his shield and ordered us to follow him,. We did so without any questions as Baton trotted to Burst Fire, who was walking down from his barricade to meet us halfway.

Once there, the two stared at each other for a moment, frowning. Their frowns grew deeper and their eyes narrowed and more hostile, and I shifted uneasily in my spot, wincing quietly from the pain that I was allowed to feel this time, and Lilac eyed both of them nervously.

Then Burst Fire's frown cracked into a grin and he snorted a laugh. Baton followed suit, and next thing we knew, they were both laughing and trading hugs. Me and Lilac exchanged looks, as did the other soldiers, whom were all donkeys. That was weird to me, and it actually made me uncomfortable to the point where I moved next to Lilac and kept an eye on this Burst Fire guy.

I looked back at Baton and Burst Fire when Baton asked Burst Fire how he'd been faring ever since he left Bright Star.

“Oh, well I've been making my way up the ladder,” said Burst Fire. “Did some mercenary work for a little bit. Got bored. Tried writing a book. Couldn't find enough paper and pens, so I got bored with that. Then I said, screw it, I'm going back to shooting, so I enlisted in the Restoration, been through a few battles, got a few field promotions, and now I'm a Captain guarding a piece of the Rose Line. It was boring until today.”

All of us looked at the collapsed entrance. It was still smoldering and I think parts of it were glowing, but I digress. Burst Fire snorted and we all looked at him.

“I don't think we have to worry about this part, anymore,” he said. Then he nodded to us and asked: “So, who're your friends, Baton?”

“Burst Fire, meet Lilac and Exile. Lilac, Exile, meet Burst Fire.” said Baton.

“Captain Burst Fire,” corrected the donkey.

“Not too surprising that you got that rank,” said Baton, giving him a pat on the back. “You were the best security officer I ever had. The last guy was a complete fuckhead and ruined everything.”

During this, I silently shook hooves with Burst Fire, giving him my best warning glare that he completely ignored, and Lilac also pressed her hoof against his, saying: “How do you do?”

I don't think she ever comprehended the threats of donkeys, but, anyway, Burst Fire replied with a flirtatious smile: “Better now that I see a fine mare like yourself around.”

Lilac giggled and blushed slightly, but Baton frowned and stepped between them, purposefully blocking Burst Fire's line of sight of her. That didn't stop the old donkey from trying to look past him, though. I also gave Lilac a little nudge and when she looked at me, I gave her a condemning look, which she met with confusion and mouthed: “What?”

“You can flirt with another mare later, but right now we need to get to Bongo as fast as possible. We have a big problem and the Restoration needs to know about it, pronto,” said Baton.

“What happened?” asked Burst Fire as his face wrinkled with worry.

“Sweet Berry and Miss Gold have taken over Bright Star.”

Burst Fire's frown deepened, and a fire grew in his eyes. “That is a problem. How long has it been under their control?”

“About a week. So, can you give us a fast trip to Bongo or are we going to have to hoof it?”

“Unfortunately you're going to have to hoof it, but I know a shortcut that can get you to Bongo a lot quicker than normal routes.” Burst Fire looked at another donkey, this one was holding that massive bazooka thing from Hell, and said: “Iron Sight, Hell's Gate is yours! I've got to run an important errand!”

Iron Sight saluted and Burst Fire started his trek with Baton and Lilac following, but I stayed behind, scanning the small camp.
“Why don't we use the radio?” I asked.

Everyone just looked at me after that, and not in a good way. Well, maybe Lilac looked at me in a good way. She did seem contemplative of the idea, but Baton shook his head and Burst Fire just stared at me for an uncomfortable five seconds before he said: “We need a radio to use the radio first.”

“Kids these days,” said Baton.

“I know. Tragic how easy they have it.”

The group started walking again, and aside from the snarky comments I figured that I was given a fair answer, so I decided to follow them without another word.

To say that the trip was long would be fairly accurate. It took us three days of walking to get to where we needed to go. There really was not much to see. I mean, Burst Fire was quick for an old guy, and he and Baton treated me and Lilac like defenseless travelers, which, when you think about it, was kinda accurate since I sucked at basically everything and Lilac was... well, she was Lilac.

So, the three day journey was not too bad. We took shelter wherever we could and each of us stallions took turns taking watch while Lilac slept.

The first day on the road was absolutely violence free, which was nice. We just walked and walked and walked, occasionally taking cover while Baton and Burst Fire took turns scouting ahead in seedy spots. There was one spot we thought was perfect for an ambush, since it was the remains of a tower with three other buildings nearby, but after a while, our two wasteland warriors determined it was safe.
The tower was missing its top, and one of the buildings actually collapsed on itself, so it was just walls and a single pane of glass. The other two buildings, however, were surrounded by destroyed barricades, and a closer inspection of the tower revealed that the top collapsed on itself.

We inspected some more and found a line of ten sadists, dead in ditch. They were all bound and gagged, and from the looks of it, they had been pummeled savagely before being shot multiple times in the back with something that cauterized their wounds. Baton took their clothes while Burst Fire, me and Lilac kept watch, then we moved on to the tower.

In the tower, we could only explore the first couple levels. There were more sadists, all dead with holes burned through them, some blood, spent shells, burn streaks all over the place, and piles of ash. We were careful in our exploration, but we found no surviving sadists and took what we could.

We came across one room on the second level that was once blocked by a chain door, but the door was broken off, and we found a dead sadist in the corner. His balls were burned off and he was almost stomped flat. He was caked in old blood, flies buzzed around him, landing on the popped out bones, and exposed brain and crawled in and out his mouth, and his eyes were wide open with pain and shock. Around him and on the stained mattress was a bunch of feathers, and near that was a gray hat with an “E” flanked by a pair of wings as its patch. It was crushed and stained with mud and blood, and there was a broken chain and collar bolted on the wall on top of the ratty mattress, too.

I thought this was strange, but it made the other three uneasy and Burst Fire made it very clear that we were not staying at that place. We nearly ran out of there, luckily without any trouble, and we traveled for another six hours before we took our night break at an empty shack.

The next day we had a little bit of excitement on the path we were going on. We went on the highway for quicker travel, and some sadists tried ambushing us.

It all started with us walking, when suddenly there was this whistling sound and then Baton shouted for us to get down. We all dove for cover, Baton put up a shield, and a second later a missile struck it.
It blew apart the ruined asphalt and a hail of gunfire just came right us. Baton went for cover behind a cement barricade and Burst Fire got up from his cover with his rifle in his hooves, and he used the rusted wagon he was behind to steady his aim. He took a breath, fired off a burst of three shots a sadist with a rocket launcher fall from his perch with a piece of his head missing.

Bullets pinged off of my cover, and after a getting myself under control I propped myself like Burst Fire and shot at a sadist who was using a gutted bus for cover. The slug didn't do much, but it did scare her into diving out of sight.

Lilac and Baton also returned fire, with Baton running from cover to cover, egging on the sadists as he shot them to pieces with his insane weapon, and Lilac spraying and praying. He must've cut down six of them and she killed a sadist that thought bull-rushing a gun wielder with a crowbar would be a great idea. Together, me and Burst Fire killed four, him three, me one, and that was that. Just a few more bodies for the Wasteland to consume.

After that fiasco, we took more supplies, and I was disappointed not to find any ammo that I could use, but also happy that I wasn't shot the whole time! It balanced out in its own way, but now I was completely out of ammunition for my primary weapon.

With what we collected from those dead sadists and their camp, and from what we got at the other place, our saddles were full of clothes, cheap armor, ammunition, poorly maintained weapons and other knickknacks. Baton and Burst Fire tried to lighten our loads by using parts of the sadist weapons to fix our weapons or whichever weapon was in the best condition, and it did help, but not enough to make a major difference. Our pace was still slowed drastically, but we didn't run into any more trouble for the rest of the day, so that was good. Oh, and Baton took the rocket launcher and the one rocket the sadist had left. And the sadist I shot at earlier, the one hiding in the bus, she tried running, but Burst Fire shot her in the back when we realized what was going on.

It was quite the sight, watching the sadist run across the field with a small cloud of dust behind her, probably scared out of her mind from seeing her buddies slaughtered. But Burst Fire just sighed, casually positioned himself against a concrete barrier, aimed down his sights, and pop-pop-pop.

Three shots, and she rolled over herself in the dirt, and we watched her struggle to get up, bleeding all over the place. Seeing her get back up, Burst Fire put three more shots into her. She stayed down after that.

Baton whistled and congratulated him, I stared at the corpse, having to squint to focus, and Lilac stared at Burst Fire, pale and jaw slack with some tears in her eyes. I really didn't see the big deal about what happened, and when Burst Fire saw Lilac's expression, he just said: “They would do the same to us.”

He started leading us again, and Lilac stayed in the very back, eyes to the ground, more quiet than a corpse for the rest of the day.

That night we took our rest inside a massive, covered wagon that had its metal boxes picked clean. So, we made ourselves a little fort, took our turns watching, and had a very boring night.

When we went on the road again, we traveled without any events for another ten hours before we came across a sign that said: “Orange's Orange-Terrarium!” with a picture of a smiling sun and a weird, orange colored fruit with a green stem and a glass of orange liquid next to it. There was directions on the bottom that told us to keep going north on the highway for another five miles and take a left on Exit-12, so that was another three hours we spent walking.

During our trek, we all heard this strange sound. To me, it sounded like a big engine screaming and ripping apart the air, and when we stopped, I could tell that everypony was nervous. Baton had switched out his homemade hell-raiser for the rocket he picked up from the sadist, and Burst Fire ordered us to cover.
So, we all ran to cover, which wasn't much since it was a gutted bus- apparently a prototype solar powered bus by Macintosh Transit Corporation, as advertised by the sign. After we got inside, Baton and Burst Fire motioned us down and Baton kept the rocket trained on the approaching target. A couple of seconds later, the air exploded with a rattling boom that made me jump and swear as it shook everything down from the bus to my bones and sent my heart beating itself into a paste.

What passed us was some kind of metal thing that flew by a pair of long engines spewing colorful fumes, and it was all black and pointy with the same “E” from a couple of days ago.

“Oh, shit,” grumbled Baton, tensing and wrapping his magic around the trigger.
However, whatever that thing was, it just kept going and disappeared over a hill. A moment later there were distant thuds with flashes of light, and that flying thing took a sharp turn and went straight up into the clouds. That left me puzzled and shaken, but the group sighed with relief and slumped against the rusted wall of the bus.

“What the hell is the Enclave doing here?” said Baton.

“What did they shoot at?” asked Lilac.

“Let's just hope it wasn't where we need to go,” answered Burst Fire.

After that, he ordered us out and we continued walking. Around thirty minutes before reaching Bongo, we came across the skeleton of a building with bits of flaming debris around it and sadists blown to pieces. There was a survivor, though, but he was missing half his body and left a gory trail of blood from his exposed entrails while coughing more blood and muttering something. Baton finished him off with a burst from his quad-weapon and we scavenged the site for supplies, but most of the stuff was useless.

When we were wrapping up our scavenging, we saw a group of soldiers approach us. They were wearing old royal guard armor and had white bells painted on their vests. In the lead was a pink, earth pony stallion, about as frail as twigs with a gold leaf pinned to the collar of the shirt he had under his armor. He also had a PipBuck on his hoof, but, rather than giving us a pleasant greeting like a high ranking officer should have, we got this:

“Burst Fire, what the hell are you doing away from your post?”

The Major didn't sound too happy, but Burst Fire just smiled like he always did.

“Well, Major,” began Burst Fire calmly, “I got bored and decided to escort these refugees to Orange. It's all good, though, I got Iron Sight watching what's left of it.”

“What do you mean 'What's left of it'?” asked the Major with a sneer.

Burst Fire pointed at us and told him how we ran out of the tunnel, screaming and sobbing like fillies with a horde of Rose Line zombies behind us. Then he went into exaggerated detail about how his troops bravely defended us in a fierce, close combat fight that led to the death of some guy named Jim when he sacrificed himself to collapse the entrance to save the Wasteland from a massive outbreak.
After his story ended, Baton and the Major were glaring at him while the Major's soldier's stared at the ass in wonder.

“You don't have a Jim on your team,” said the Major a few second later.

“Not anymore, I don't,” countered Burst Fire, adding right after: “But, we need to see Bongo and Wilhelm ASAP. It's very important.”

“Wait, you don't mean that ibex Wilhelm, do you?” I asked nervously.

“I don't know any other Wilhelm's,” said Burst Fire. “Besides, he's in charge of the Equestrian operations of the Restoration, so what Bongo needs to know, he needs to know as well.”

“Well, today is your lucky day, because he is here in town, so you also get to explain to him why you abandoned your post,” said the Major with a sneer.

Hearing this, I immediately collapsed and screamed at the heavens, wanting oh so much to rip my ears off.

“Why!? Why does he have to be everywhere I have to be!?” I cried.

That got me some strange looks, and Lilac simply patted me on the shoulder and gently nudged me up. At first, anyway. I refused to move because, quite frankly, I really did not want to die, and no gentle words from Lilac could save me from my incoming meltdown.

“What's his problem?” asked the Major while I blabbered nonsense about fate trying to kill me.

“I don't know. I think he fucked Aria or something,” mused Baton calmly.

“What!? No, I didn't!” I yelled, blood red and choking from panic.

But did anypony listen? Nope. All they did was nod to each other with suggestive smirks while some of the soldiers hissed “Nice” to each other, one after the other.

And long story short, arguing fell on deaf ears, and there really was nowhere to go, so I ended up going with them, staying in the back of our party just in case I had to book it. After all, it wouldn't be the first time I had to leave town because fate was being a complete dick to me.

When we got to Orange, there was a piece of billboard cut so that 'ORANGE' was the only thing showing, and it was propped above a gate made out of -what I think- was a bunch of rebars and metal doors fused together. I really don't know. It was a strange sight. The wall looked normal, though. Sort of like a worn out brick wall to a villa with metal plates attached to what I guessed were weak points.

The Major stepped in front of the rebar-door-gate thing and used a spell to amplify his voice so the guys operating it can hear him ordering them to open up. There was a moment of silence, but that moment ended when the gate jerked and rolled to the side, disappearing completely behind the wall and making our ears bleed with its scraping and screeching and groaning. When it slammed to a stop, my jaw dropped.

It was just like the Stable door!

Only ugly!

And there, standing in front to greet us was a zebra stallion flanked by bunch of guards wearing various scraps of metal or assortments of old armor, all with white bells painted on their shoulder pads. I counted twelve guards, all armed with weapons as diverse as their armor. One mare was even levitating some kind of gun made from a crutch, a pressure cooker, steam gauge assembly and a gem battery. Slung around the wielder's chest was a belt full of railway spikes.

I made a mental note to stay away from her.

The zebra stepped forward, grinning from ear to ear, and his guards walked after him, with the guards following close behind and the mare with the railway gun keeping her weapon trained on Baton. The zebra was wearing a simple vest, had sunglasses, was carrying a pack of drumsticks with him, and somehow managed to get a fake, gold tooth as well as a gold necklace.

“Well, well, well, lookie who we have here. Baton, have you decided to explore the world at last?” teased the zebra.

“Bongo, I'm as much a hermit as you are,” replied Baton.

Bongo slowed to a stop. “Yeah, but I'm a cooler hermit.”

“I found them scavenging what the Enclave bombed when we went to investigate the activity,” said the Major haughtily, stopping the two buddies from conversing. I guess he thought he would get a medal for finding us, because as snobbish as his tone was, he puffed out his chest with an even more disgusting smirk on his face.

“Oh?” said Bongo, giving all of us a look over. “Did you guys find anything cool?”

“A lot of dead sadists, some bullets, and a pen,” replied Baton.

“Does the pen work?”

“Probably not, but it makes for a great shiv. Which reminds me, I got you this.”

Baton pulled out the little figurine he found in the Rose Line, and Bongo's face lit up as he snatched it and carefully held it in his hoof.

“Neato! I've been looking for one of these things forever! Now I only need to find... Eighteen more.”

My jaw dropped again and Baton smacked his lips and gently patted Bongo on the shoulder, saying: “Good luck with that.”

Bongo nodded, still smiling, and he stuffed the figurine in his pocket and motioned us to follow him. So we did in a single file line with the Major and his guards flanking us. Along the way, Baton and Bongo chitchatted lightly.

“So, the Enclave is bombing sadists, huh?” asked Baton.

“Yeah, they've been doing it for a few weeks, already,” replied Bongo.

“You seem pretty relaxed about this. What if the Enclave starts bombing us?”

“Then that'll suck, but they aren't attacking us right now, and I don't think they will unless we give them a reason to. So let's not give them one, okay?”

Baton snorted. “Whatever.” He then looked at me and Lilac and shooed us away, saying: “You two go out and explore. I got some business I need to take care of.”

Me and Lilac nodded and were about to leave, but the Major ordered us to stop, which, in turn, made the whole group stop.

“Nopony is going anywhere until we do some processing,” said the Major sternly.

“Pull the dick out of your ass, Major. They're harmless,” sneered Baton. Then he pointed at me and added: “Especially that one.”

I scowled at him. “Thanks.”

“Rules are rules,” countered the Major.

“And all visitors have to be run by me,” interjected Bongo. He walked up to me, looked me over, hummed, sniffed my mane and then he recoiled with a look of utter repulsiveness. “You need a bath.”

I really had nothing to say about that, and then Bongo slid over to Lilac, looked her over in a bit more detail. He went as far as circling around her, lifting up her front hoof to see it bend, which got a lot of strange looks from everyone, then he stood in front of her and held up his hoof.

“How many hooves am I holding up?” he said.

Lilac shifted uneasily and looked between me and Baton before looking at Bongo and slowly saying: “One...?”

“Good. They aren't robots. Major, you have my permission to remove the male reproductive organ from your anus and let these travelers roam Orange as tourists,” Bongo then spun on his hooves and started trotting away with his little group following close behind. “Now, let's talk business.”

The Major gave me and Lilac one last look before he snorted and trotted after Bongo, leaving me and Lilac alone. We did not move. We could not move. We were too stumped to move. And the both of us watched the group until they were out of sight before Lilac looked at me out of the corner of her eyes and asked: “What just happened?”

When me and Lilac parted ways, she went only Celestia knows where, and I started thinking back of what Baton said a few days ago. His words, on top of the weight of my gathered supplies was enough to convince me to see the town trader, Lomi. I had to get some directions first, which was basically given as: “Oh, yeah! You just walk over there, take a left, take a right, take another left, go right, walk straight, take a left, another left, go right, pivot, left, left, right, left, left, left, left, right, right, straight and go backwards.”

I decided to just wander the town until I found the place.

I really could not miss it again when I found it the first time because it was the longest building in the area. It took the place of a former gift shop and eatery, both made of rusted and broken brick. The eatery doors were welded shut with metal sheets over the gaping holes that were once windows, and the main entrance was a set of swinging doors flanked by burnt trees with orange orbs doting them. Above the doors was patch job of wood and scrap metal with Lomi's E-Mart painted in white.
When I entered, a little bell made a pleasant ding-a-ling and I found that the building itself was nothing complex. The packed shelves were all pushed to the side and rigged with chain link fences to keep the merchandise safe, and the wall connecting to the eatery was mostly gone. There was still some brick left, but most of it was covered by beads curtains and strips of cloth, and above that was a nailed in sign that read: Massages

The area I was in had a similar sign that read Mart, but it was nailed near the ceiling behind the counter.

Behind the counter was an earth pony mare with a cream colored coat, a light blue mane and tail that were tied at the ends, and bright blue eyes that seemed just a bit strange to me. Her mane was also pushed back by a white headband, but since we were in the Wasteland, the band was discolored with brown and gray and she hadn't bathed in quiet some time. She was also quick to approach me, grinning broadly and giving a welcome with a bubbly attitude.

“Hi, welcome to E-Mart, my name is Lomi, how can I help you today?”

I got about as far as opening my mouth before a blood red stallion with a gray mane covered in piercings and tattoos and wearing a duster walked out of the massage room, smiling stupidly. It must have been one helluva massage because he looked like he was floating across the floor.

The stallion stopped by Lomi and said: “She was great! Are you sure she can't stay around?”
Lomi replied: “It is up to her if she wants to stay, Curry. Now why don't you head on back to the bar before the booze is gone.”

The blood red stallion nodded and trotted towards the door, nudging me along the way, saying: “You're in for a treat, buddy.”

I looked at him quizzically. “I'm not here for a massage, though.”

That made Lomi's face fall a little. The stallion, on the other hoof, just shrugged and left. “Your loss, bud.”

“You aren't here for our world famous massage?” asked Lomi.

I shook my head. “No. Baton said I can come here for supplies, but seeing as how I have no caps, I was wondering if we could do a little trade... thing.”

Lomi's smile disappeared instantly. “Baton, huh?”

I nodded and she snorted, now looking just a little ticked off, so I decided to back up a little bit, and I went back a little bit more when she approached me.

“So, you're friends with Baton?” she asked.

I bobbed my head from side to side. “Well, kinda. Not really. We just know each other.”

“Well, when you see Baton again can you deliver this message to him for me?”

SLAP!

Right in the face!

It was like getting whacked by a metal bat!

She slapped my vision away for a second and almost sent me to the ground. I staggered a bit and rubbed my cheek, hissing in pain, then I glared at her and she returned the look in kind.

“Ow! What the hell!?” I yelled.

“Baton will know when you slap him and say it was from me. Now, what supplies are you looking for, exactly?” asked Lomi.

Rubbing my cheek and giving her the death glare, I replied: “Armor. Shotgun and revolver ammo. Medical supplies, too, if you got them.”

“What kind of armor, revolver and shotgun?”

“I don't know. Just a vest and a helmet and ammo for my weapons.”

“Shotgun. Is it a B-52 Macintosh, a BRPAS Splitter, a Flash Sentry, or a Creek Pumper? Revolver. Is it an MCP-R Class, a Maker Meeter, a Dash Attack, or Appleloosan Guardian?”

Not wanting to think about it, I sat down on the floor and showed Lomi my guns. She grabbed the shotgun, inspected it thoroughly, tsked a little bit and then handed it back to me.

“Early model of a Creek Pumper, severely damaged from poor handling and lack of cleaning. Also, why did you put peanut butter in the barrel?” said Lomi, quirking a brow with her question.

“What? I didn't put peanut butter in my gun!” I said defensively and peering down the barrel in thoughtless panic.

She was quick to yank the gun away and almost sent me to the ground again with how hard she smacked me over the back of my head with her hoof.

“You idiot, are you trying to get yourself killed!?” she said.

“Not on purpose.” I replied, wincing and inspecting my hoof for blood. I was glad not to see any. “And for the record, I got the gun off a sadist.”

Lomi snorted. “Sure, you just don't want to admit that you don't know how to handle a gun.”
My ears folded down and I frowned, quickly losing patience for this whole ordeal.

I told her: “Look, can we get back on subject? I don't have caps, but I got all this stuff that we could trade for supplies.”

“Alright, fine. Let's see what you got.”

Long story short, I think she gypped me. Out of all the clothes and bullets and weapons I had gathered, I barely got three hundred caps out of it, with the guns and ammo being the money makers, and even then, it was not a full three hundred. I had to exchange some of the collected bullets for my shotgun, and I ended up selling my revolver because she did not have ammo for it, but offered me twelve shells to get it. On top of that, the clothes I sold went to getting some really shitty armor.

The only armor I could afford was a mall cop uniform with some Kevlar plates sewn on, and the helmet was a scooter helmet, painted black with a yellow stripe. I felt ridiculous, but it was either that, or the three thousand cap “Hellwalker” armor decked out with big guns, thick armor and a fancy, full faced helmet that had a nifty visor on it. Apparently she bought the suit from somepony called “Mad Mac”, who is a regular customer. Knowledge courtesy of her not shutting up about him for almost fifteen minutes.

As for the Hellwalker. Why anypony would give up that beautiful thing was beyond me, but I could tell just by looking at it that I was too small and weak for it. Besides, like I said earlier, the price tag was in the thousands and all she had left was the mall cop suit.

So, when it was all said and done, I was left with about a hundred and twenty three caps, a suit of lame armor and fifty shells. But, you know what? With all that weight gone I felt like I could run a marathon, and I was grateful to have some armor protecting me. And to celebrate I went to see the next pony on the list.
Doctor Heartbeat.

And that was another mistake.

When I found the clinic I actually thought somepony dug up a corpse and put it in somepony's chair as a sick joke because when I walked in, there was a near skeletal pony slumped in plain sight. Bone, rotten flesh, patches of gray skin and white fur and a moldy horn. It was all there and he stunk like a corpse covered in dish soap.

I inched closer and tilted my head down to get a better look at it. Even its jaw was slack so I saw its brown-green tongue hanging out. When I poked its shoulder, it suddenly opened its eyes and pointed at a clipboard hanging on a wall next to him.

“Sign there, please.”

I ran out screaming.

Well, as far as the front door, anyway. As soon as I was about to leave, I bumped into a beige unicorn stallion with a rough head of blond mane and a medical box cutie mark carrying a saddle full of supplies. I bounced off of him, he stumbled back, then he looked at me, then at zombie-pony and flashed a smile as he gently excused himself and nudged me aside.

“Hey, Doctor Heartbeat, I got the supplies Lomi promised,” he said.

“Took long enough, Leur. I got a patient and need you to organize the medicine cabinet,” replied the rotter, who was apparently the doctor I had to see.

I think I felt my blood freeze hearing that exchange, and I tried leaving again, but I got wrapped up in some magic, tugged into the corner of the small clinic and plopped on a cot that almost buckled from my weight. Doctor Heartbeat put on a dirty surgeon's mask, pulled out a magnifying glass and a notepad.
I tried to reach for my shotgun, but the doctor's magic grabbed my weapon, removed the shells and gave it to Leur, who levitated it to a cabinet and locked the door.

“Oh, no, I am not getting shot tonight. You came in. You aren't getting out until I am done with you. Now, what ails you, traveler?” said Doctor Heartbeat.

I chuckled anxiously. “Nothing. I think I stepped on a splinter and stubbed my hoof on a rock, but I'm good now so can I go somewhere far from you?”

Leur and Heartbeat exchanged looks, then looked back at me, then they looked at each other again, with the rotter holding out his hoof expectantly.

“Get me the rectal probe, and make sure its washed this time.”

Leur smirked and went to the cabinet, and when he pulled out a long, white, mushroom shaped thing and flashed an evil smile at me. I about nearly died on the spot. Then he started walking back to us and I melt my heart ripping itself apart from how fast it was beating. In fact, I think my soul was about to have a ghostly heart attack.

“No! No, wait, don't use the probe! Don't use the probe!” I shouted frantically. Heartbeat motioned Leur to stop, much to his disappointment, and I continued, hoping that it will keep that mushroom thing out of me. “I got busted up by some monsters and need to make sure I'm not dying from internal bleeding or anything like that.”

Heartbeat ordered Leur to put the probe away, and when he did, he really looked disappointed. The doctor then turned to me and smiled behind his mask, stretching what remains of his cheeks to their breaking point and ripping some of his skin so I can see his rotting teeth.

“See, that wasn't so hard was it?” he said.

I shook my head and his horn glowed bright.

“Good. Now hold still. This will hurt if you flinch.”

It really wasn't long, only a couple of minutes of tingly scanning. The long part, however, was him writing down his notes, which was made longer by him having to find more paper, more pens or pencils, and then rescan me because he forgot what he found in the first place. After all his note stuff was done, I was still sitting on the cot, watching Leur carefully as he stared at me. Seriously, I felt like I was being molested by his eyes. Only Celestia knew what was going on in that sick mind of his.

“Well, traveler, I can tell you this, you earth ponies are genetically lucky. If you were a unicorn or a pegasus, you'd be dead,” said Heartbeat.

“Thanks.” I muttered, not knowing or caring what a pegasus was.

The doctor started flipping through his notes with swift flicks, saying: “Pegasi are fast little bugs, I'll give them that, but they snap like twigs, and unicorns are about as tough as their horn, but earth ponies? Lucky breed.”

“Lucky, indeed,” hummed Leur, but the way he hummed... it sounded like he was drooling over chocolate, and I shot my best intimidation glare at him, but that only made him wag his eyebrows. Violation intensified.

Then Doctor Heartbeat closed his notepad and repeated himself. “Well, traveler, I can tell you this, you earth ponies are genetically lucky. If you were a unicorn or a pegasus, you'd be dead.”

I got just a little bit confused. I knew for a fact he just said that just a few seconds ago. It actually made me a little uneasy. Especially when he started flipping through his notes in the exact same way as before.

Again, he said: “Pegasi are fast little bugs, I'll give them that, but they snap like twigs, and unicorns are about as tough as their horn, but earth ponies? Lucky breed.”
I looked at Luer, now very concerned about what was going on, mostly because I didn't want my face chewed off, and Luer just sighed, trotted over to Heartbeat and put his hoof on his shoulder.

“Come on, Horse, let's get you some rest,” he said gently.

Luer escorted Heartbeat to a room in the very back that was blocked by a metal door, which was poorly hidden by a bookshelf. Heartbeat mumbled to himself and looked around the room like he had seen it for the very first time. From what I saw, it was a simple set up with a bed, some books and a light. After Luer shut the door, he locked it good and tight and slipped a bar across the way, then he flipped a switch to play some classical music and slid the bookshelf back in place.

After that, he sighed, picked up the note with his magic and walked towards me, smiling. I glared at him and scrunched away.

“So, you ready to hear your examination results?” asked Leur.

“Yeah.” I replied slowly.

Leur told me without much hesitation that I had: cracked ribs, bruised femurs, a messed up spine, a ruptured ear drum for my bitten ear, and lastly... I was underweight.

“Don't worry, everypony is underweight out here, unless you're one of the lucky ones,” said Luer after explaining my weight problem. I asked him about the other stuff, and he told me that there was not much he could do since supplies were low, and then he went on to calling me lucky because I'm an earth pony and we're apparently tanks compared to unicorns. I thought he was full of it. Unicorns are the lucky ones with their magical horns that can do stuff for them without having to put their mouth or hoof all over it.

“So, what kind of pain are you feeling? One to ten? One being great and ten being Oh-My-Ball-Kill-Me-Now!” said Leur.

I quirked a brow. “Uh... seven?”

With that response, he hummed a little bit, went to a fridge and pulled out a metal cup with a lid on it. He removed the lid and carefully handed me the cup with his magic, and I grabbed it and looked to see a cold, orange liquid inside. It smelled really good. Kinda tangy, and my mouth started watering at its scent. Though, it did puzzle me as to what it was and I didn't trust Luer, so I gave him a questionable look and and he smiled reassuringly.

“It will help with the pain,” he said.

“What's in it?” I asked.

“Oranges.”

“How much is it?”
“Twenty caps.”

I sighed, gave him the money and a cautious look, then went on to drinking the greatest thing ever. It tasted better than water, better than apple juice, better than beer! Its tangy flavor sent sparks of pure euphoria going all through me, from my tongue all the way down to my tail. Every part of me twitched and I felt my eyes dilate with a wide grin growing. I giggled a bit, too, and saw Luer smiling at my goofy reaction, but I didn't care. The pain was numbed and whatever that drink was, was a gift from Celestia Herself, and it was a sign that She did care and was still with us!

So, while I was chugging away at Celestia's elixir, Luer snickered and said: “Yeah, orange juice makes everything better.”

“Mhmm.” I said back. “How much for a whole canteen?”

Luer suddenly frowned and said: “Nope. One cup per patient.”

Then he levitated the empty cup away from me, despite my whines and attempts to get it back, and he put it away in a locked cabinet, crushing my sunshine in one fell swoop.

After murdering a piece of my soul, Luer turned to me with a smile and said: “Good news is that more will be ready next week, so come back then and we'll see what we can do about some more juice, okay?”

“Yeah. Great.” I muttered, absolutely crushed to total depression.

“Chin up, buddy! It ain't the end of the world! You can always come back next week for more!” said Luer cheerfully. “Or, maybe you can hurt yourself some more and spend the night here. Overnight patients get an extra cup.”

He finished with a click of his tongue and a wink.

Despite me being a little loopy from the orange juice, I decided that now was a great time to get out before I got held captive. And looking back, I am almost a hundred percent certain he put my gear on the floor and left the shells scattered on purpose so I had to bend down to pick them up. Now I knew how Rose Petal felt when I hid her keys underneath her couch and chair just so she had to bend over to fish them out.

Once I gathered my stuff, I ran out as quickly as I could, paying what I had to pay, which I think I might have overpaid since I wasn't really counting and I spilled a bunch of caps. After all that was done, I headed off to the last part of my list of things to do.

Go to the dentist.

<<<<<O>>>>>

I'll tell you one thing, the Wasteland never had a low supply of strange characters. There was always a weirdo somewhere and always a mutant lurking. Orange was no different and when I walked into the crudely made dentist office, I about nearly screamed my head off and had a heart attack again. Walking out of the makeshift office was a mare with a dark blue coat, a red mane, a tooth cutie mark, she had these freakishly bright teal eyes, and she also had wings!

She actually scared me with those feathery things coming out of her back! It was gross! Besides, I've never seen or heard of a pegasus before, so don't blame me for my lack of knowledge, blame my Stable. They were very selective of their teachings, and they never ever mentioned pegasi. The only reason I found out that this dentist was natural and not a freak of radiation poisoning was because Lilac told me about pegasi later on when we ran into each other in town, but I digress.
I screamed, the pegasus screamed, and we both jumped back, with me backing into the door and her into the wall. We both stopped and stared at each other, hearts racing and eyes bugged out.

“What the fuck!? Are you mutated!?” I managed to yell after I got my breathing under control from the unpleasant surprise.

The mare's scared look dissolved into a blank stare, and she did a self inspection before looking back at me. “I don't think so. Do I have something weird growing out of my body?”

I pointed at her wigs. and she flapped them a couple of times and smiled at me.

“Yeah, I just preened them this morning. I never get them as good as dad, but I think they are still pretty good, if I do say so myself,” she said proudly.

Admittedly the wings did look good for something that was protruding from the body. Anyway, she approached me and I just stood there, still freaked out, but she seemed harmless, and when she introduced herself as Doctor Crest Paste, one word came to mind: Shit.

Yeah, as friendly as she seemed, I was not too thrilled about having some bird-pony mutant hybrid thing going through my mouth.

“So, are you here for a checkup, clean up, fixing or bar buddy?” she asked.

“I... Wait, what?” The last part threw me off, but before she could repeat herself, I decided to just forget it and do what I was came to do. “Never mind. My mouth is a little messed up, so I need you to look at it.”
Crest grinned and rubbed her hooves together. “Oh, goody! More teeth to look at!”

She then grabbed me, spun me so I backpedaled into a chair, then with a casual push, I fell in it. It was kind of an awkward fall, but she didn't seem to care and she hummed the whole time as she skipped around, blinding me with this enormous light and then bringing down a magnifying glass the size of my head to my muzzle. Her eye looked like an alien monstrosity when she peered through the glass and she told me to open wide, so I did, then she gasped and I clamped my mouth shut.

“What?” I asked worryingly, thinking the worst about my mouth.

“Your teeth... I love your teeth!” she squealed. She carelessly pushed the magnifying glass and light aside and leaped on my lap, making me grunt from the sudden weight. Then she grabbed my jaw with her hooves and pried my mouth open, despite my gibberish protests, and gushed out her words. “Aside from the recent trauma and the couple missing teeth this is the best mouth I have ever seen!” She slammed my mouth shut, grabbed my cheeks and looked deep into my eyes, saying: “You must tell me how you did it! You must! You must! You must!”

“Can't you just fix my teeth? It feels weird, like they are going to fall out any second.” I said, kinda whining, admittedly, and my voice sounding weird from my cheeks being pushed in.
She climbed off of me and did some kind of proud pose thing with her snout tilted to the ceiling and her eyes closed. “Well, of course I can fix your teeth, I am dentist after all. All I will need from you is laughing gas and eight thousand caps.”

“What!?” That was all I could say, and when she looked at me questionably, I added: “Are you serious!?”

“Uh, yeah. I ran out of laughing gas and these kinds of operations to fix mouths without magical assistance is very difficult. Besides, I'm the only certified dentist in the Wasteland, so you know you'll be getting quality service.”

To make her point, she pointed at a framed picture on the wall, and I kid you not, it was one of those certificates for a dentist, but it had Colgate Minuette crossed out with crayon and Crest Paste scribbled above. I gave her quite the deadpanned look and she shifted on her spot, looking a little uneasy.

“What?” she asked.

“How much for the checkup?” I asked, not even wanting to risk chewing her out for the stupidity of her so called certificate for fear of doing something really stupid, like unintentionally unleashing Hell on everypony around me and then getting my ass handed to me.

Anyway, Crest hummed. “Oh, nothing much, only fifty caps.”

Yeah, only fifty caps for a worthless lap dance and tooth worshiping.
Anyway, I slid off the chair, simmering in rage, and gave her the fifty and left without another word.

After that amazing flop of a dentist visit, I found myself stomping around town. Broke, mouth hurting, body feeling violated, and feeling embarrassed from the armor I was wearing. I didn't even want to count the strange stares or snickers I was receiving from the ridiculous suit of armor... but my brain wanted to torture me so I counted twelve, not including the ones I didn't spot. That said, I was not very happy.

When I ran into Lilac and explained why I was so crabby, all she did was tell me that Crest was a pegasus, keep my chin up and then ask me where Lomi's shop was because she wanted to do some shopping. Begrudgingly I told her where to go and she smiled, patted me on the head and skipped off. I watched her go, a frown growing ever so swiftly on my features to where I thought my lips would pull my cheeks off my face. I felt my eye twitch, too.

Here I was, feeling like shit because I was visually molested, had my butt threatened with a plug, got slapped around by a trader, had the last of my money wasted on a crazy dentist and was being silently mocked for my only form of protection.

It was a great day. A lovely day. A lovely, great day I wish I could shoot in the face and rewind so I could shoot it again. Then I heard a very familiar voice.

“Meris?”.

I snapped to the side and saw Aria standing not too far from me, wearing a saddle stuffed with jars and a simple robe that lost its fluff long ago.

I quickly took off my helmet, held it against my chest and gave her a nervous smile.

“Oh. Uh, hi...” I said.

“Um... What are you doing here?” asked Aria, pawing at the rocky ground and having trouble looking at me directly.

“I... I, uh, was going to sell some stuff, try the local food and... and see the sights... and, uh... yeah.”

She and I stared at each other. Quietly. Her unblinking and me wondering why ibexes have a hard time blinking. I know I blinked, but her? Nope. No blink. Maybe it was genetic, maybe it was cultural, maybe it was cultural because it was genetic. Whatever it was, I hardly ever see an ibex blink and even for someone as fragile looking as Aria that got pretty unnerving.

“So, what are you doing here?” I asked slowly.

“Working. When Wilhelm takes me and Engel to Orange I work as Lomi's massage therapist, just to help her out and get a little extra money,” replied Aria.

I remembered the guy in the duster leaving with that euphoric smile, and with how he walked, it was obvious he was not disappointed. Then I remembered way back in my Stable when we shut down Massage Mondays and the massage parlor because the pony in charge used it to give customers unauthorized sex for a little extra. Disappointment and hefty punishments had that day in a choke hold.

A part of me wondered if she did something like that, but then I reminded myself that this was Aria. She went into shock from a kiss. There was no way she would do a massage-prostitution thing for caps.

“Are you okay?” asked Aria.

“Yeah. Why?” I asked.

“You look mad and in pain.”

“Oh, its nothing. Just another day in the Wasteland.”

“Did you see Doctor Heartbeat?”

“Yeah, but all he and his assistant did was give me orange juice and tried to violate me with a butt plug.”

“Oh... Well, today is Tuesday.”

I think something broke in my mind with that statement. I mean, Tuesday? Seriously, what was so special about Tuesday that that kind of crap had to happen?

“Do you... Do you, um-” Aria swallowed and darted her eyes between me and the ground, hoof pawing at it and body shaking to where I could hear the jars beating against each other. “Do you want to go to my room and let me have a look at you?”

I stared at her, unsure of what I was hearing, and equally unsure about if I wanted to take her up on that offer if I heard right. Don't get me wrong, she was a cute girl, really good looking for an ibex -no offense- but I had my reservations. Mostly centered around Wilhelm killing me since it was bad enough that I was talking to Aria in the first place.

“If you don't want to that's okay,” said Aria quickly and taking a step back and looking at the ground again.

“No, I, uh, I actually don't know what to think.” I told her. “I mean, what are you going to do...?”

“I might be able to stop most of the pain, but I can't do it at Lomi's shop because she's closing for the night so we'll have to do it my room. Unless you have a room.”

I looked at the sky and realized that it was getting dark. That surprised me quite a bit, to be honest. I hadn't realized how quickly time had flown.

“Do you have a room?” asked Aria, still shaking, but not as bad as before.

“Nope, let's do it in your room!” I blurted.

Silence and staring.

“I mean, you can work your magic on me in your room.”

More silence and staring. And possibly Aria regretting her offer.

I sighed and face-hoofed, saying: “I'll just shut up.”

Aria's room was actually pretty big, but bare. All she had was a bed by a window, a footlocker at the foot of her bed and a lamp sitting on the floor. I put my stuff in the corner while Aria opened the window to let in some fresh air. It was pretty dark at that point and I still hadn't seen Baton or Lilac, so I assumed Baton was still working with Bongo and Lilac was doing whatever.

Aria smoothed out the bed and fluffed up her pillow, then asked me to lay down on the bed. She was nervous and barely able to speak, but I went anyway. I laid stomach down, stretched out when she told me to, and dug my front hooves under the pillow and stared straight ahead at the rusted wall in front of me. The bed squeaked as she climbed on, and I swallowed and tensed when I felt her climb on top of me. I felt her butt rub against my spine as she shifted around and I tried to think innocent thoughts when her hooves gripped my hind legs. That turned out to be very difficult.

She pressed the back of my legs and kneaded circles around them, breaking apart the tension like balls of dirt. Up and down she went on either leg, every circle was met with pressure that broke down the stiffness and smoothed out my coat with gentle touches. My tail flicked and she scooted back some more, putting more pressure on my spine -which I honestly did not mind at that point. Her hooves went on to my rump and I gripped the pillow tighter and a stupid smile spread from my giggling as a ticklish feeling took a hold of my flanks.

I hadn't realized how sore it was until Aria started her massaging there. Like my legs, all that stiff, sore muscles just crumbled from her touches. My tail flicked again and my tongue fell out as she shifted on my back, pushing me into her bed. I groaned a little bit when she worked a little bit on the base of my tail.

“Are you okay?” asked Aria.

I nodded, barely able to speak. “Uh huh.”

She didn't say anything after that. Instead, she switched her position and started working on my shoulders. Every press, every stroke, every touch from her hoof was like a piece of Paradise and she went up and down on my shoulders. Starting from my shoulder blades, and moving down my arms. Then she would go back up the same way she went down, pressing and rolling, and she would travel up to my neck. The stiffness in my neck disappeared very quickly and I was about ready to drift to sleep.

With her straddling my back, shifting ever so slightly in her massage, it left a nice, warm feeling all through me. I swear she ground herself harder than necessary at some points, but with my bliss and loss of mind, I didn't care. Her rubbing and grinding felt good. Like really good. Good enough to feel like I could walk on clouds.

Lost in bliss, I barely felt her warm breath on my ear, and I felt her grind her lower body down my back, bringing me to shudder and shift around.

“I'm sorry,” said Aria.

“For what?” I asked, still doped out on relaxation.

“I'm going to hurt you."

Aria's hooves suddenly dug into my spine as hard as she could with a grunt. The uncomfortable pressure made me grunt, too, and with a quick push and pull in either direction, I felt and heard all kinds of snaps and pops and an eruption of pain all over my back that brought tears to my eyes. I felt my hair and fur zip straight up and my eyes about nearly flew out of my head as I screamed from the pain.

When she stopped, I fell limp on the bed, panting and blinking tears out of my eyes, trying to say something that wasn't profanity laced, but then she did it again! Except this time in opposite directions! What was pushed up was pushed down and what was pulled left was pulled right, and the pain did not get any better, either.

“Oh, Celestia!” I cried, face now stuffed in the pillow and hooves gripping the sheets as I trembled from the pain.

Thankfully there was no more after that, so I was left on the bed, shaking and biting the pillow to stop myself from crying like a filly. Thankfully the pain was fading quickly as her little hooves rubbed my back in gentle circular motions. In fact, in a matter of seconds the pain was completely gone and I felt like I could float away.

“Feel better?” asked Aria.

I nodded again and a few minutes of rubbing later, she shifted so I could roll on my back. A small smile flickered on her face, too, but that flicker changed to a look of shock when she saw a certain stiff part of me. I looked down where she was and quickly grabbed the pillow to cover my crotch and flashed a big, nervous smile at her and apologized. It was a good thing I wasn't too excited or else it would have gotten more awkward than it already was.

“N-No, it's, um, it's okay. It happens a lot,” said Aria, now averting her eyes.

We were silent for a little bit, and I felt I was in between a rock and a hard place. I didn't know the rules of decency around here, but at the Stable, walking with “Free Willy” as some called it was a great way to get fined for indecency. So, either walk around and give the wrong impression, or sit in front of Aria with a pillow to hide what shouldn't be out. I decided to wait it out. The pillow was quite comfy and warm, anyway. Besides, I noticed Aria was staring at the ugly wound on my shoulder. With it being a cauterized mess, all I had gotten was scabs and a bald spot, but at least it gave her something else to look at. Something that wouldn't have gotten me shot.

Aria swallowed and looked me in the eyes, nervously asking me if it was alright if she inspected the wound. I nodded and she leaned over to gently touch it, being careful to not get too close to my fluffy shield. I'll tell you what, though, it felt strange having such a poorly healed spot poked. It was like somepony pressing a scab ball into my shoulder. I felt the muscles and veins shift, which made me nauseous, and she pulled away, apologizing.

“No, its fine.” I assured her.

Aria was hesitant, but she resumed her inspecting, then went on to inspecting the bullet wound that nearly blew my hoof off at Bright Star. She asked again for a closer look and I lifted my hoof for her and that was when I realized just how banged up my sheltered hooves were. They were no longer pampered and smooth. They were cracked, with chips missing, and little cuts zigzagged across my limbs, leaving thin pink lines on my coat.

Aria's slender hooves continued their exploration, tenderly touching my limb as they explored the collection of scars I didn't even know I had. Dry blood was sticking to my coat where the larger scabs were and pings of pain shot up when she brushed at my damaged ribs. She gently guided me so my back was pressed against the headboard and her whole body trembled as she got up close to me and started feeling the faint scars on my chest that I never knew I had. Honestly, the touching was giving me the tingles and made my muscles stiffen and my mouth go dry. The sensual touching felt a lot better than her massage and spine-fixing. Some time later, Aria touched my watch, which I had hanging around my neck, and she stopped and eyed it quizzically.

I looked at her, then at my watch, then back at her as I gently pushed her hoof away and covered my prized possession with my other hoof. She looked down, muttering an apology.

“It's okay.” I assured. “Its just all I have left of home.”

Aria nodded in understanding. “I remember you told us how you got exiled because of someone.”

I nodded, saying in an equally low tone: “Yeah.”

“Then you got drunk and kissed me,” said Aria.

“...Yeah...” I said and getting a little nervous about where the implied direction of the conversation was going.

“...Do you... do you remember if I was good?” asked Aria, twiddling her hooves like a nervous filly.
I stared at her, lips a line and eyes too big for their sockets as Aria looked back at me, shaking and her breathing becoming ragged and her eyes misting over. Panic began clawing its way into my mind and I started wondering if she was going to have an anxiety attack from her own question. Like how I was at the time.

I chuckled awkwardly and rubbed the back of my neck, smiling at her as big as I could get. “Well, um, I-I, uh, I guess you were okay.”

Aria looked down, ears drooping and body sulking in obvious disappointment. “Oh.”

Oh shit moment, it was time to clock in.

“I mean, you were a good kind of okay.” I said desperately. “You got second place in best kisser in my book if that makes you feel any better.”

“And how many women have you kissed?” asked Aria critically.

“Two. Rose and you. I seriously did not mean to traumatize you, by the way. I got a little drunk and emotional and did something stupid.”

“Is Honey your Stable marefriend?”

“What? No. Rose is.”

“Then who's Honey?”

“I didn't say Honey...”

“You did.”

“I did?”

Aria nodded and I squinted at her critically, certain she was either pulling my tail or misheard me.

“Anyway... Sorry about kissing you without your permission,” I said.

Aria shook her hoof and head dismissively, quickly saying: “Oh, no! You did nothing... Well, actually it was wrong what you did, but I was surprised because I never got kissed before or hugged like how you hugged me because Wilhelm never let anybody do that to me. I didn't know what to think about it and... and...”

Her voice drifted off and another “Oh, shit” moment came in. I vaguely remembered grabbing and kissing Aria, but with what she was implying I got the feeling that maybe I might have done more than a harmless drunk kiss. I was afraid to ask her for the details, and enough spit returned so I could swallow, and I was heating up around my cheeks and ears as I stared at her.

“Did I do more...?” I asked.

She nodded.

“Was that why...?”

“Yes...”

“Oh... Shit...”

“Don't feel bad. You were passionate and-and did not want to let me go. It was different from what I get from Engel and Wilhelm... Or the others who disappeared or died mysteriously.”

“What?”

Aria placed her hooves on my shoulders and looked deep into my eyes. My body shook with hers, and it was from the both of us, to be honest. Her nose got close to mine to where I could feel her hot breath brush against my muzzle, and I heard her heart beating too fast for its own good.

“But can you kiss me again like you did last time?” asked Aria.

My jaw dropped.

“What? No! Wilhelm will kill me! Besides, I- You don't- Just, no! No, no, I can't!” I said.

“I don't care. That moment... that was something different and I want to feel it again,” said Aria.

Yeah, the situation was getting pretty bad.

“But I still have a marefriend, remember? She is still in a Stable, but I don't want to be unfaithful to her.” I said in response to her flimsy promise.

I put my hooves against Aria's sides and as gently as I could, I tried to pry her off. She really was quite skinny and I did not want to hurt her, but with that said, after I reminded her of myself being taken, there was a flash of pain in her eyes and she slid off of me, hoof to mouth and a choking gasp escaping from her.

“Oh, I-I'm sorry,” stammers Aria, tears brimming in her eyes and rolling down her cheeks. “But you said you would never see her again and you kissed me and got that-” She pointed at the pillow shield “-and I thought... I'm sorry!”

She was right, I never thought I would see Rose Petal again and I did kiss her, but that was, you know, drunk stuff. That was me being stupid, not thinking. It should not have meant anything, but it did. Just like the simple joke from Artisan that gave Honey Sap an idea that led to her being heartbroken before her murder.
Aria was starting to cry now, and I felt a painful lump rising in my throat. She could not look at me and her black mane and hoof shielded her face from me, but her buckling shoulders and wet, troubled breathing was enough. I couldn't take it.

I had more than enough justification for doubting never to see Rose Petal again, but I did not want to be unfaithful to her. At the same time, seeing Aria so broken from her shame and so desperate to get close to someone that it brought tears from me denying her was heartbreaking.

Taking a deep breath, I inched closer to her and pulled her in for a hug, but it seemed that the universe was still against me, because right as I hugged her there was a knock on the door.

“Aria, we need to talk,” said Wilhelm from behind the door.

“Oh, shit.” I said louder than I should have.

Aria's hoof quickly went over my mouth and she gave me a very angry glare before looking at the door, her anger now being replaced with fully justified panic. She said something in Ibexian, probably along the lines of “I'll be right out” or some other generic, daughter doesn't want father to see secret coltfriend phrase. She then snapped her focus to me, pulled her hoof from my mouth and said in an anxious whisper: “You need to go, right now.”

“Where? Under the bed?” I hissed.

Aria looked around, fidgeting in her spot, then she pointed at the open window. “Jump.”

I paled. “Are you serious?”

“Aria, who's in there with you?” said Wilhelm, the doorknob now shaking. I didn't even know she locked it, but I was glad she did.

“Go,” she said hastily.

“I don't-”

“I'm coming in!”

“Haveagoodnight!”

I leaped out the window right as the door was forced open. I was in free fall for a few seconds before I landed on a metal roof, grunting from the pain and its metallic echo ringing all over the settlement. After that, everything became a blur as I rolled down and fell on another roof, bounced off of that one, hit a ladder, took it down with me and then smashed a stand with a belly flop.
Lights flicked on, somepony's dog barked in the distance, and all I could do was groan and shift on the pile of splinters. My stomach and chest throbbed, I tasted copper and my heart was using my sore ribs as a punching bag. But I knew two things.

First, I couldn't stay. Second, I was in no condition to bolt. So I did the next best thing and crawled underneath an elevated walkway as far as I could and stayed absolutely still with my eyes focused on the opening I was just barely able to go through.

I didn't hear or see anything for a few minutes, and right as I took a breath of relief and was about to crawl out, Wilhelm landed in front of me. Back to me, to be clear. But he didn't even use the roofs to climb down! No, that crazy guy jumped right out of the window and landed way too close to me.

I had to bite my hoof to keep myself from screaming, and my heart vibrated my chest from its rapid beats as I watched him rise from a crouch to his whole height, unharmed by his insane stunt. I stayed perfectly still under the walkway as he scanned the area, but I had a sinking feeling in my gut that he could hear me breathe and shake.

I could only think: Who the hell is this guy!?

I mean, come on! Unless he was mutated, there was no way he should have been able to do that without snapping his bones into pieces!

So, there I was, about ready to wet myself and my teeth digging into my skin as I watched that guy look for me. He stayed put for the most part. Hell, he barely turned his head and ears when he scanned the area, and he only did that for a few more seconds before he looked up and shouted something in Ibexian to Stocker, who replied back.

I remained silent, and after Stocker replied, Wilhelm snorted and briskly walked away. An unfortunate passerby just happened to be out exploring the commotion and looked at him. One look from that goat sent that guy running with their tail tucked between their legs.

It was then that a simple fact settled in my mind like radiation in soil.

Wilhelm was going to kill me.

<<<<<O>>>>>

“I'm dead. I'm dead. I'm dead. I'm dead. I'm dead.”

I pushed myself into the nearest public restroom and slammed my hooves on the sink to stare at my own grungy reflection, repeating my mantra. I splashed some water on my face and stared at my reflection again, heart racing, body shaking and sweat mixing with dirty tap water.

“I'm dead.” I said three more times between my deep breaths.

“I think you're dead,” said a stallion behind me.

I jumped and turned just in time to see the stall behind me open to reveal Bongo sitting on a toilet with a comic book on his lap. He was grinning from ear to ear and still had his shades on for some reason.

Bongo chuckled. “Don't tell me. You pissed off one of the road crews and now they're threatening to skin you when you leave town.”

“Uh... No... I, uh, I kinda had a moment with Aria.” I said.

Bongo's lips sealed shut and I could see his eyes bulge from behind his sunglasses. “Well, damn, son, when you do die, do me a favor and don't haunt this place.”

“Nothing happened. All she did was fix my back and then Wilhelm came along and I had to jump out a window.”

“Oh, I've done that a few times before when I had a sweetheart. But it was to get away from her brother who was a little overprotective of her. This one day I found out why, though, when we were sharing a romantic night on the roof. Things got a little lovey-bubby, lovemaking was a-coming, and then I shit you not, a fucking dick popped out with her pussy. Holy fucking shit was that gross!”

I scrunched my muzzle in disgust. That was something I did not need to hear.

“I mean, one minute you're enjoying one of those things under the night sky that comes with the moment, then, next thing you know, your mare's got a dick going against your dick. How fucked up is that? And you know, I screamed and her brother chased me all the way out into the desert where he shot me in the back of the head,” said Bongo.

He tapped the back of his head and sure enough, there was a metallic ring to it, and he shook his head, chuckling.

“Aria was actually the one that helped me live when they passed me, clinging to life by holding the back of my skull together with my hoof. She fixed me up as best as she could, and that big guy, Stocker, asked me what happened, so after deciphering my gibberish we went back to the place where I used to live and I put a bullet in that guy's eye.” Bongo pointed his hoof at me and made a gunshot sound, saying after: “It was there that the whole damn town came down on us and we had to fight our way out. We found my sister, Zahra, held up inside my old shack and when Wilhelm got her out, man, talk about butterflies in the stomach. Hadn't seen anyone so flustered before or since, and one quick year later, I was his best man and gave Zahra to him at the wedding. Very heartwarming. And during my time with his crew I found out that if you get on his good side and he will move mountains and kill gods for you. Get on his bad side and not even the gods can save you. Unfortunately Yanker didn't get that message when he led Wilhelm's group into an ambush and got Zahra and basically everypony else killed. The guy probably would have found a way to kill himself if his kids died.”

Bongo looked down after that, clearing his throat and adjusting his sunglasses. I was dumbfounded and worried because of the last part of the story.

“He's a hard guy to hurt, huh?” I said.

“You have no idea,” said Bongo. “I have seen him hurt. But he doesn't die, even when he should have. The thing about Wilhelm, though, is that his biggest enemy is not Waltz or Gold. No, his wrath is his biggest enemy, and when your soul is made out of anger that can lead to a lot of problems.”

It was at that point that Celestia thought it would be hilarious for Wilhelm to storm inside the bathroom, almost knocking the door clean off when he shoved the door open. The bang and snapping metal made both me and Bongo jump, and when I actually registered that the bane of my existence was there, I backpedaled and felt my jacked heart wanting to rocket out of my throat.

“You must think I am an idiot, Stalker,” sneered Wilhelm as he marched forward.

“You? No! I think you're a smart, good looking guy with great kids!” I said with a nervous chuckle.

Bongo seethed and before I could register that I just made a blunder, Wilhelm grabbed me and threw me against a sink. It shattered with the mirror, covering me with shards of glass, whatever the hell sinks are made out of and lots of dirty water that burned my fresh cuts.

“You think you can fuck my daughter and get away with it!” snarled Wilhelm as he stomped towards me, kicking up the water that gushed out as I tried to scramble away from him.

“Nothing happened! Nothing happened!” I cried.

Bongo tried to hold Wilhelm back, but he shrugged the zebra off and rammed me through a freaking stall. I went through the air, back breaking the door and me landing on the toilet with a new collection of splintering pain on top of the others I was just getting over.

Wilhelm stormed forward, and just when I thought things were about to get a whole lot worse, he was covered in a magic aura and thrown against the other wall. It shook, and Baton and Stocker came bolting in with the big ibex pinning Wilhelm against the wall and Baton using his magic to help hold him. Bongo joined in on the fight, too, while Aria and Lilac came in.

Lilac stayed by the doorway, but Aria came by my side. She was shaking and in tears, and was brushing the blood from my face while asking in an endless stream if I was all right. Every time I said yes, but I was shaking, I felt sick from an adrenaline overdose and I felt like my insides were about to rupture from being overworked. I wasn't all right. I hadn't been all right ever since Curly got me exiled for whatever stupid reason, and it just seemed like a cruel joke to have me almost killed every day for one reason or the other.

“Calm down, Wilhelm!” screamed Bongo.

“Father, stop it!” yelled Stocker.

Wilhelm tried to break out, and Baton shot him with a spell that electrocuted him, but all it did was make him twitch and growl louder. He pushed Stocker and Bongo off, and made a leap for me again, but Baton used some kind of blast on him that sent him landing on his back across the room. There, Stocker and Bongo leaped up on him and tried to pin him down while Lilac still kept her distance but aimed her weapon at the group.

I was getting nervous from seeing Stocker and Bongo bobbing from Wilhelm's thrashing, and even when that crazy guy was zapped again by Baton he kept going. I was also afraid Lilac was going to shoot everyone from how much her weapon was shaking in her magical grip. Then there was Aria, who was still hugging me and apologizing in a near breathless stream and trying to wipe the flowing blood off of my face.

Then Stocker roared in a way I have never heard anypony roar before. It was deafening. It shook the whole bathroom and everything down to our bones rattled. “Genug! Sie wissen, es ist nichts passiert! Stoppen Sie diese jetzt!”

Wilhelm surprisingly stopped struggling and looked at Stocker. He was still furious, still might as well have been foaming at the mouth from his rabid blood-craze, but he stopped resisting. He looked at Stocker for a few seconds, but went to look at Bongo, who was panting from his little scuffle, when he spoke.

“Look, I know you don't like that Exile kid, but why not have him prove his worth?” asked Bongo. “I mean, you're all about value, right? So, why not have him do some stuff for you like what you did with me. Have him tag along and hope he dies on one of your dangerous missions so you'll never have to deal with him again. Or you could just kill him on the spot and make Aria more afraid of you than she already is. You're choice, Gramps.”

Wilhelm glared at Bongo, then he looked at Stocker, who never broke eye contact. After that, he looked at Aria, and she shrunk down and whimpered a little bit. A few seconds later, he sighed and looked straight up at the ceiling, nodding and muttering: “Fine.”

Stocker and Bongo reluctantly released Wilhelm a few seconds later, as did Baton, but he kept his horn charged as Wilhelm approached me. I stared up at him, swallowing blood and feeling numb. He looked down at me, and without looking away, he held out his hoof to Stocker.

“His gear,” ordered Wilhelm.

I didn't even realize that Stocker had my stuff, but he did and he gave it to Wilhelm, who then tossed it at my hooves.

“Meet us at Curry Paste's Lunch Spot tomorrow at sunrise. Don't be late,” said Wilhelm.

And then he left, leaving me a bloody mess in a broken stall. And that was basically the night that started me on the path that brought me here in this prison, talking to you about the glorious adventure of your so-called heroes.

Footnote: Perk Gained.
New Perk: Tough Hide (3)-- The brutal experiences of the Equestrian Wasteland have hardened you. You gain +2 to Damage Threshold for each level of this perk you take.