[Tick. Tick. Tick.]

A sharp pain in my back jolted me awake. Or shocked the colors into existence of what was once pure blackness. Whatever it was, it felt like a stab in my back and I found myself laying on a tiled floor, coughing and trying to move.

I couldn't move my hips. I tasted copper. My head felt loose and my back was burning.

Blood was all around me.

An alarm was sounding and the white walls were bathed in swirling red lights and damaged with shrapnel. I heard screams and sobs, and ponies desperately crying out for their friends as raging inferno cooked us alive.

Smoke suffocated me and filled the room with a hot, orange tinted haze.

My eyes watered.

I couldn't move.

Couldn't breathe.

My heart wouldn't beat.

I was stuck in the oven. Everything was burning and cracking and peeling. My skin boiled underneath my smoking coat. I felt my flesh crack open and the oozing blood cake to my skin.

Crawl, I told myself. Crawl!

My teeth nearly broke from how hard I was grinding them as I pulled myself closer to a doorway. Above it, a clock ticked. Slowly. Flames consumed it.

Tick tock.

I had to crawl.

Tick tock.

I had to move.

Tick tock.

The screaming won't stop.

Tick tock.

The burning won't stop.

Tick tock. Tick tock.

I had to get to the door.

The flames were eating me! My skin and muscles were falling off. I reached the door and-

Woke up shivering and soaking in sweat. I was alone in the hospital room, but this time I was thankfully covered in a blanket. It was made of rough cotton, but it felt good. I don't know how long it has been since I had a blanket. Weeks, maybe. I was loosing track of time and it was just as unnerving as being in a bed hearing screams and feeling on fire.

I looked at my hoof just to make sure that I was not burned and was relieved to see that I wasn't, but there was a concerning thing in front of me. Dr. Odji stood there, the walls clean and bright with a working ceiling fan. There was also a thick door, and next to me was a get well card with a smiling sun on it and a bouquet of flowers with a note addressed to me from Bruce Mane.

“It pains me to see you like this, Time,” says Dr. Odji. “But don't you worry, I will fix you. You will walk again.”

And then I blinked and Dr. Odji was gone. I was alone in the dark, grungy room with the lone fan above the door spinning slowly. Calming music seeped through the door and I winced as I lifted my blanket, my muscles sore and an odd tug on my back. My hoof trembled and I grimaced at the collection of scars on my coat. My fur has thinned and pink lines crisscrossed it, and then I let the blanket roll off of me and I almost screamed at what was on my other hoof.

It was a skeletal brace that wrapped around my hoof. It was made of crutches, pistons, and gears anchored in place with metal sleeves. Thankfully it was padded so as uncomfortable as it looked, it was less than what it could have been. Oh, and there was also wires running up its length that went to my back.

Twisting myself to an awkward angle, I used my none braced hoof to feel my back and blood drained from my face when I felt a metal contraption on top of my spine.

I didn't know what the Doctor did, but it felt like he put a metal centipede on my back with its freaky little metal legs digging into my skin, and when I looked over my shoulder I saw my hip and hindlegs were braced with more crutches and gears and and metal frames and wires. Then there was the back of my head. Something was on it. Like a metal plate with more wires coming from it that attached to the device on my back. Whatever it was, it was like having a metal spider on the back of my skull.

I wanted to scream, but my throat was too dry and I fell out of the bed with a loud thud. The shock went through my hips and unbraced shoulder, leaving me in pain, and I rolled to my stomach, growling and blinking tears out of my eyes. Then I sat up and looked at my braced hoof, each piece clicked and hissed as I moved, and my breathing...

I just couldn't breathe.

I couldn't breathe. Couldn't see. Couldn't hold still. I was trembling and shaking my head in disbelief. The braced hoof had little jagged teeth surrounding my natural hoof, and when I looked at my hindlegs I saw the same thing.

I pushed myself up and managed a couple of hissing-clicking steps before my legs buckled and I fell over, crashing into the wall. The whole thing shook, and with some difficulty I managed to pull myself away from the wall and staggered towards the door. I pushed it open and wobbled into a long room lined with cots that were mostly unoccupied, save for a couple where frail ponies stared at me with wide eyes and drooped ears.

The noise from every step was rapidly getting annoying and by the time I reached the lobby of the clinic.

I was seething.

I couldn't see much, but what I could see was Leur rushing out of his office levitating a pistol and wearing a pair of thin, light blue pajamas and a little hat to go with it. When he saw me in the lobby he sighed with relief and lowered his pistol.

“Thank goodness. I thought you were a criminal trying to rob us of our medicine. Or orange juice,” said Leur.

I held up my braced front hoof, vein throbbing, saying as evenly as I could: “You mind telling me what you and Heartbeat did to me?”

“Fixed you like you wanted,” replied Leur.

“Fixed? Fixed!? Look what you did to me!”

Leur held his hoof up to me, anxiety clear in his eyes. He told me to calm down and ushered me to his office, which was a little difficult for me since I had to deal with the combination of added weight and me having to fight every wobble.

When we entered Leur's office, Doctor Heartbeat was there. It looked like he just woke up. But then again he was a zombie so I didn't know if he really just woke up or if his rotten skin was just sagging.

“What's the problem?” asked Heartbeat.

“Meris is freaking out,” said Leur. “I guess we should have asked him if he wanted those braces put on him.”

“You should have!” I snapped. “I just wanted my back fixed, not turned into a robopone!”

“You should be grateful that we fixed you,” said Doctor Heartbeat. “Most would bury a pony that couldn't walk. Too expensive to fix and take care of.”

I pointed at my brace. “Was this why it cost me ten grand!?”

Doctor Heartbeat nodded. “Yes. But I did you a favor.”

“I owe you ten grand for something you did without my permission!”

“Meris, have a seat,” said Leur.

I glared at him and he motioned to a pad on the ground. It looked like an old chopped up mattress, but I sat on it nonetheless, giving the pair a harsh stare while doing so. After I sat down, Heartbeat sighed and rubbed his moldy head.

“Look, I heard that you got a sweetheart held captive by Lieutenant Butter Bars, so I figured I could give you a lift,” said Heartbeat. “You can move, you got a little bit of reinforcement, and now you can get your mare back and I get some caps. We all win.”

“How long will I have to be like this?” I asked him.

“For a little while. Your spine is fixed, and we did what we could with the nerves, but your body is still weak from all the damage you have taken over time. You have been through more than most out here and it shows,” said Leur. “So those attachments basically give you a boost while your body repairs itself.”

“That Pod fixed me.” I said flatly, making a mental note to chew out Lilac when I saw her again for breaking it.

“The Pod fixed you, yes, but not all the way,” said Doctor Heartbeat. “It healed your bite, but that Pod was old. It didn't fix all of you. It didn't fix the infections in you, it didn't fix the various injuries inside you. You were more broken than you realized, and frankly the broken can never be fixed. You will carry the scars and pain with you for the rest of your life, but what we did ensured that your body has support to function while it heals to an acceptable level. We will remove it when we feel it is proper and when you want it to, but we will not remove it if we do not feel it is ready to come off.”

After Doctor Heartbeat finished his lecture I looked down at my hoofs, swallowing a stone lump and trying with no success to keep my shakes under control. After some seconds of silence I looked at him, blinking haze out of my eyes.

“What infections?” I asked, my voice cracking.

“Nothing too bad. Just a little bit of this and that from bites, bad plants and junk getting in from the open wounds,” said Doctor Heartbeat.

“We took care of those, though,” said Leur. “I suggest you take it easy for at least three weeks so you can get accustomed to the enhancements.”

“I don't have three weeks,” I said.

“You won't have a life if you don't take three weeks,” said Doctor Heartbeat. “Take the time. I'm sure your friends will do something about your squeeze.”

Leur then opened the door and with a solemn look he held his hoof out.

“Why don't you get some air? We'll be here when you calm down,” said Leur.

I sighed and pushed myself up. Every part of me hurt and the tugs from the attachments gave me a sick feeling, and when I left the room my steps shook.

It was hard to walk when I made my way outside, and the scenery didn't offer much comfort. It was cool, dark and windy, and not a pony was in sight. I walked almost aimlessly. My mind was blank but my hoofs took me where they wanted.

There was a rumble in the distance and I looked up to see the clouds rolling into each other with streaks of hot white zipping through them. I kept walking for a few minutes until I came across a familiar door, and then I knocked on it with my good hoof. By this point rain was pouring down, flooding everything and it reminded me of when I first encountered rain and the “big bad thunder”.

Memories aside, I knocked again, figuring she didn't hear me the first time with the downpour banging on the roof and the howling wind. It was after that knock that the door opened and Aria's tired eyes peeked out. When she saw me, her eyes bulged and she opened the door wider.

“Meris, what did they do to you?” asked Aria.

“Fixed me,” I said sourly. “Can I come in?”

Aria nodded and stepped aside so I could enter. I was tempted to sit on her bed, but I remembered what happened last time, and I was also considerably heavier. The last thing I wanted to do was break her bed, so I just sat on the floor and stared at the wall, dripping and shivering. The rain beating against the roof was like hundreds of little hoofs banging against tin, and when Aria sat across from me I noticed bags under her eyes.

We stared at each other for a good minute in silence before Aria spoke.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

I shook my head. I brushed my watch, too. I hadn't done it in a while, but I was pleasantly surprised to still feel it on my chest. I even looked down to make sure it wasn't a lie. Sure enough, it was there, scratched and caked in blood, but still there. I sighed and dropped my hoof and glanced at Aria. She was still staring at me. Unblinking. It was actually unnerving.

“Can you blink?” I asked her.

She blinked and apologized. I apologized back, and back to silence we went.

“Meris, what is wrong?” asked Aria a minute later.

I held up my braced hoof, frowning and hating the little robotic sounds it made.

“This.” I said. “This is what is wrong. Just look at me. I'm a pony with half an ear, scarred to hell and back and stuck in a junk exo-skeleton thing with fucked up dreams. I'm a freak!”

I finished, and Aria's eyes flicked up and down, inspecting me. I watched her, waiting for anything, and after some seconds she swallowed and tilted her head, looking at me out of the corner of her eye as she rubbed her hoof.

“Well, if it makes you feel better, I still think you look okay,” says Aria.

“Okay? How?” I asked. “Just look at me! How can this be okay?”

“You can walk again and with all that you have been through you should be grateful you still have a face.”

Aria's voice was a bit sharp, and I looked at my braced hoof, scowling at the network of gears and pistons that covered it. It was shortly after that Aria sighed, and I looked at her. Her head was still bowed, but both of her eyes were on the floor this time.

“I'm sorry. I know you are not from the Wastes. It is a scary world for someone like you,” said Aria. “But you are still lucky to be alive... and I'm alive because of you.”

I shook my head. I didn't believe her. All I did was stand in front of her and got shot. Rocket Power could have easily finished her off, but he didn't. I guess it was because of Baton. He was always a killing machine, so it wouldn't surprise me if he had chased off Rocket Power. But, here I go again going off the rails.

I told her: “I just want something to go right. Ever since I got out here it has been one wrong thing after another. I lost everything, every day I get torn and stitched back together like some fucked up rag doll, and when I got the chance to reconnect with ponies that I cared about from my Stable -to get Rose back- this happens to me! I can't even go anywhere for three weeks unless I want to die. Where is the fairness in that!?”

I waited for a response from Aria, but she was silent. I could see the gears turning in her. She wanted to say something, but didn't know how to put it out. But after some long seconds of listening to the heavy rain, she spoke.

“Meris, life is not meant to be fair,” said Aria. “If life was fair then we wouldn't have a chance to grow, or to meet others. We would... we would just sit still. Life would not move. Not having it fair is what keeps us moving. And not having a fair life is what makes company and comfort better.”

She looked at me, swallowing and shaking a little.

“Can I make you comfortable?” she asked. I was silent, mostly because I was stunned by the offer, and she added: “It is the least I can do for you for what you did... But I'm not giving you another massage.”

I got a little smile out of that, and I nodded and with some help from Aria I stood up. The pain from the attachments wasn't as bad as before, more of an uncomfortable pressure, and she led me to her bed. I gingerly climbed on. The bed creaked and groaned, and after I laid down, Aria pulled a blanket over me, then she burrowed herself into me, and guided my braced front hoof so it wrapped around her.

“It will be okay, Meris,” said Aria. “You will see.”

She closed her eyes and I listened to her steady breathing, and I stared at the door, listening to the rain and my watch, paranoid that Wilhelm would suddenly come in and rip my head off. But the seconds trudged by, and with each beat of my watch my eyelids got heavier. Soon everything blurred and doubled and my eyelids rose and fell slowly, and in few minutes time my eyes were closed and my face was nestled against the back of Aria's head, listening to her steady breaths and feeling her chest rise and fall against my hoof. I never thought sweat and dirt would smell so good. Comfort came, and I held her tighter and fell asleep.

Then the bed broke.

The next day I was sitting at the Lunch Spot, staring at a bowl of water. It cost a fortune and Curry Paste was raking in the caps from all his collected rain water. There were even guards around -including that mare with the rail spike gun- to make sure nopony did anything stupid. But guards and rain water aside, I was basically alone.

There was a circle around me where I sat at a table, and every now and then someone would cast their eyes on me. A quick look from me caused them to look away.

I didn't even want to think about last night. Nothing happened on an intimate level, but the bed breaking was embarrassing, and it was because of that that I had decided to sit on the floor of the Lunch Spot. I didn't need to pay for a chair when I already owed a living dead thing ten grand in caps.

I didn't even know how I was supposed to pay that off when I wasn't allowed to do anything besides walk and sleep, and there wasn't exactly help wanted signs plastered anywhere.

Sighing, I lapped at the bowl of rain water, noting out of the corner of my eye how unicorns were casually levitating their bowls to their lips to sip the water out. So cultured, so not uncouth, so fancy. I was envious.

At least the water tasted good. It was actually the best water I had since being out in the Wasteland. It tasted like actual clean water, not something grainy or grassy or greasy.

Anyway, I was drinking my water when a chair was pulled next to me. It was Aria. Behind her Stocker was at the bar with Burst Fire, probably buying rain water.

“So... about last night,” said Aria.

I chocked on my water, and Aria cringed. My throat and lungs burned and I hacked like I was coughing up a hairball. When I was done, I was wheezing and my face was hot red, and Aria was petrified in her cringed state.

“Sorry,” said Aria.

“Why did you make it sound weird?” I asked.

“I was just... I don't know.”

“Wilhelm is not behind me, is he?”

Aria shook her head and told me that he was meeting with Bongo and Major Pie about something. That was a little bit of relief.

“Good. Nothing happened between us last night, but I know Wilhelm would flip out if he found out about the whole cuddle thing.” I said.

“Like when he almost killed you in the bathroom?” said Aria.

“Yeah...” I said, frowning and shuddering internally about that whole ordeal.

“But I wanted to talk to you about last night.... Did I... Did I make you feel comfortable?”

Now the tables were turned. Originally I made Aria feel weird, now it was my turn. Right when I discovered that Rose was out there, too.

Why did this stuff have to happen to me?

I mean, I really didn't know how to answer her. I liked her company. It felt nice laying next to someone soft and warm. I actually felt peace for the first time since being exiled. But there was also the whole “my marefriend is out and I have a chance to see her again so I might actually be cheating, right now”. Honestly, I felt like shit.

But looking at Aria, she reminded me so much of Honey Sap, colors and all. She was cute, she was soft, she was warm, and a part of me did want her, and that night when the bed broke and we just slept on the floor together we had a laugh about it before we drifted to sleep with me holding her. I was comfortable. I had peace for that night, and it was beautiful.

I wanted that again.

But I also wanted Rose back.

I wanted both of them.

Why couldn't I have both?

“Meris?” called Aria.

I looked at Aria, trying to keep myself calm and collected. All I could do was nod. My throat burned, my eyes hurt, and my chest felt like it was going to collapse.

“You did.” I said, my voice cracking.

“But you regret it, don't you? You regret coming to me for comfort. I can see it in your eyes,” said Aria.

“Aria, I...”

I couldn't finish. I looked away. I couldn't bear to see the pain in her eyes.

“I understand. I wish you and Rose happiness,” said Aria.

The chair scraped and I looked up. Panic was rushing in and I put my normal hoof on top of Aria's before she could leave the table. I called her and she looked at me, and I saw the same pain, the same wound that Honey Sap carried from my betrayal.

“I'm sorry.”

And that was the last thing I said to her before she pulled away, despite me trying to hold her. She left without a word.

I slumped down, eyes watering and staring at the table. Then there was a pair of thunks and Stocker and Burst Fire sat next to me with bowls of rain water.

“There's the hero!” said Stocker.

He pulled me in for a hug and rubbed my head with his hoof. I was too numb to care about the pain, though.

“Wilhelm told us how you stood up to Rocket Power without armor. Had your whole chest blown against the wall and you're now at a bar. That is stuff of legends!” said Burst Fire. “So, how did it feel to get shot?”

I didn't answer.

“Are you at least picking up chicks?” asked Burst Fire. “I know that's what I would be doing if I survived a near death experience and got some mechanical upgrades. Hell, get a group of them and fuck each of them until they are too fucked to walk!”

Again. Silence.

“He has his eyes on my sister,” said Stocker, still keeping me in the hug. “Can't blame him. She's a looker and a keeper.”

Burst Fire laughed. “So he wants to screw your sister? Big dreamer.”

I slipped away from Stocker and tried to walk away, but I stopped when Stocker called me.

“Where are you going? We have to celebrate! I still have a sister because of you!” said Stocker.

“I just want to be alone.” I said.

They were about to say something, but I left before they could and I just walked. I walked and walked and walked and walked. There was no particular place I had in mind. I was just walking.

“You doing okay?” asked Lomi.

I looked up.

I hadn't realized that I was in Lomi's E-Mart, looking at rope of all things, and Lomi was standing next to me. She didn't look impatient. Rather she looked concerned.

“Do you need help?” asked Lomi.

I suspected double meaning in her words, but rather than entertaining her I just shook my head and left.

“Meris?”

I blinked.

Lilac was standing in front of me. I was outside sitting on a bench, watching nothing. I had no clue how I got there, but I was there.

“Meris, are you okay?” asked Lilac.

I shook my head and Lilac's ears drooped as she sat next to me. We were quiet for a little while, watching the ponies walk by. I briefly saw Wilhelm walking with Bongo and Major Pie. I was glad all he did was nod to me and kept walking. That meant he didn't know what happened between me and Aria.

Me and Lilac were quiet for a few more minutes before I found my voice.

“I'm tired.” I told her. “I'm tired of all this.”

“What happened?” asked Lilac.

“I failed Rose and Aria.”

Lilac's eyes flicked up and down my face, but I didn't look at her.

“Who?” asked Lilac.

“Rose, my marefriend from the Stable.” I replied. “And Aria. Wilhelm's daughter. The one I nearly died protecting. You should know her. She was with us on the trip.”

“But you said Honey.”

“Did I?”

“Yes.”

I didn't believe her, but I still grunted as if I did. Then I thought about the Pod and how I wouldn't be like a freak if it wasn't broken.

“Why did you break the Pod?” I asked her.

Lilac bit her lip. “I know you must hate me for that, but I had no choice. The voices in my head always talking about the Rot and that creepy doctor that came with them... I knew you had it, too. I knew it and I couldn't let you have another dose of it. You and I are both alike in that we are more fragile than we want to be, and if I was feeling the fear from those voices and the doctor then surely you must have been feeling them, too. I couldn't let that Pod hurt you again.”

I grimaced at those words. I didn't know what was worse. Her thinking that I was fragile or the fact that she apparently got over the hallucinations while I still had them. But I told her: “I could have handled another dose of it if it didn't mean this.”

I held up my braced hoof, and Lilac gulped and looked away, blinking tears out of her eyes.

“I know you are mad,” she said. “I heard how you reacted when you woke up in the clinic. I wanted to be there to comfort you, but Baton was furious that I destroyed that Pod. I... I couldn't face him or the others, and the thought of me almost killing you when I was trying to protect you was much too painful for me.”

She sniffled and wiped her eyes, her body and lips trembling, and streams of tears rolled down her face.

“I was trying to help you, and when I saw them carrying you to the Pod I freaked out. I was only in there for a few minutes and the voices and the Doctor, it was all too real, all too terrible to cope with! I-I couldn't let you go back in there! It would have surely scarred you permanently!”

I was silent, but caught off guard when Lilac pulled me in for a hug. The sudden jerk tugged on the junk all over me, which hurt a bit, and she squeezed me tight, pressing her muzzle into my neck. Her body trembled violently and her tears soaked my neck as she sniffled and whimpered.

“I'm sorry. I never wanted to hurt you. I only wanted to protect you,” said Lilac.

I hesitated, but still lifted my good hoof to hug her, and I closed my eyes and rested my head on her shoulder, rubbing her back as gently as I could.

“We have been through a lot, you and I, and I ruined what bond we had,” said Lilac. “Is there any way I can make this up to you?”

I stopped rubbing her back and stared ahead at a passing couple, both smiling and laughing with the stallion pulling a cart of supplies and the mare armed with a simple rifle. That sparked an idea. So I said: “There is one thing...”