Alright so you all keep saying to add more depth and stuff, but I really don't know how. Could you all please explain to me what you mean? If it helps, you can take a passage that I didn't do to well on and edit it to show me what you all mean. Thank you for your time guys. Btw, this is not meant to be one of those 'comment now' things, I really just want help so I can make this story a more enjoyable experience for you all.