This can’t be happening. You know that this is impossible, but it’s happening anyway.

Even after closing your eyes and thinking really hard, the zebras still remain. This just figures, really. You should’ve known some stupid impossible shit was going to happen today.

How could your embodied nightmare possibly find you?! You don’t even know where you are! How could he?!

Did Daring lead them here?

She must have. How else could they have possibly gotten to this exact point in the middle of some desert? How did they manage to capture her, though, in the first place?

There are so many possible scenarios, and each is more bullshit than the next.

Unless this is all a mirage, but you don’t think it really is. The zebras smacked you around a couple times, and mirages can’t smack people. As far as you know.

So they have to be real.

And Daring still won’t look at you!

Did they hurt her? If they laid a single paw or whatever on her, you’ll tear these bastards to pieces!

Your heartbeat starts to pick up as you think of the various ways in which you could get your revenge. You imagine breaking out of your ropes and beating each and every single one of them to death.

You’ve taken the vast majority of beatings on this trip as compared to Daring, but you honestly hope it stays that way. Daring is your only friend (or acquaintance, pending on how you feel that day), and the more you remind yourself of that the more defensive you feel of her.

It’s odd. One day you want to help her, the next you want to kill her, the next you want to defend her. If you live to tomorrow, you wonder what you’ll do then.

Daring has a couple ropes wrapped tightly around her torso, keeping her wings pinned to her sides and then some. It looks extraordinarily uncomfortable, but that’s to be expected, as Kiduttaa does seem to hate her quite a bit. Her forelegs and hind legs are also bound together, effectively keeping the pegasus from moving.

And around the two of you stand a dozen zebras who look ready to kill you in a moment’s notice.

“Oh, it’s just been far too long,” Kiduttaa says. “I can’t believe you guys left! Just scurried away without even saying goodbye. I thought we were having a great time. And you even killed my boss!”

Kiduttaa walks behind you and you subconsciously flinch, unable to see what he may be doing. But you can still hear his insane voice as he keeps talking.

“I want to thank you for that one, though. He was a bigger pain in my side than anything else… always telling me I couldn’t do what I wanted. Now I get to be the boss! And it’s so much fun. Business runs much more effectively now. I only wish you would’ve killed him earlier.”

Well, Kiduttaa hasn’t changed one bit.

“Hmm…” he pretends to think, turning to you. “Now, do you remember where we left off when we last saw each other?”

Oh fuck. Unfortunately you do.

You subconsciously start to bend your back and try to sink a little lower in the sand, hoping he doesn’t try what he did last time. Does he have a hook? You don’t see one.

“Right! Artifacts. You two only had one of them last time, but after you escaped, ours went missing. Huh. I wonder what could’ve happened to it.”

You’re caught between not knowing what to say and being too afraid to say anything. As a result, you sit on the hot sand and stare. Meanwhile, Daring remains sitting and looking at the ground in front of her.

Kiduttaa pulls out a knife and holds it in front of your face with a smile. “I wonder… You two thieves disappear, and so does Valheita’s - or my - idol. Where am I to assume it went? Do you know where it could’ve gone?”

You sit in shock, not even hearing what he’s saying, too busy thinking about the knife he’s holding. Even when the sun glances off the blade and shines into your eyes, you’re too much in shock to close them.

“No? I think I have a great way to find out. It’s a method I’m sure you’re familiar with. Here, I’ll show you.”

He turns and begins to walk behind you, and you manage to snap out of your shock enough to start hyperventilating, but not to enough to move away or say anything.

“Hey!” Daring shouts. “Stop! Stop! Yeah, we’ve got the stupid fucking idols, just stop! Put the damn knife down, you psychotic douche.”

“There!” Kiduttaa says, touching the blade of the knife against your back, causing you to flinch and your heart to skip a beat. If this goes on any longer you’re going to have a heart attack. “Now was that so hard?”

With a quick flick, you feel the knife just graze over your back as Kiduttaa cuts a hole in your shirt.

You’re going to throw up.

“Well would you look at that?!” Kiduttaa yells while physically bouncing. “No scars! I was right all along! Ha ha! So it is true!”

What does that even mean?! Daring said the same thing!

“I knew there was a reason you two were travelling together, Ms. Do. Either you were screwing him or using him. Or both, but I won’t pry into your personal relationship. That’s none of my business.” He chuckles.

Daring just rolls her eyes and focuses back on the ground again with a scowl.

“Oh, happy day! The prophecy will be fulfilled, just as our ancestors have told us! Oh, I am the luckiest zebra alive!”

He walks back in front of you again, resheathing his knife.

“I don’t need that anymore. See how less painful these things are when you just tell the truth? Didn’t your mother ever tell you that honestly was the best policy? From now on I hope you will feel more open to sharing with me.”

Kiduttaa is definitely the only being within a 30 mile radius that is outwardly happy. Everyone else just looks miserable. You’re miserable. Daring looks like shit. His guards look like assholes.

The zebra leader spins with a smile and turns to Daring. “Same goes for you, Ms. Do! I know you like to lie a lot in your business to save your own skin, but the truth goes a long way. Ha ha.”

Daring doesn’t respond. She just spits into the sand.

“I almost forgot how much fun you guys were,” he says walking to the back of Daring and kicking her over with his hind leg, causing her to fall face first in the sand. “Ms. Do used to be so talkative, though.”

Daring, despite being tied up, tries her best to sit back up, only to be knocked back down on her face into the sand.

“Usually she can’t keep her mouth shut. Like most women! Ha! But now that she knows she’s lost, she just can’t find the words. Unfamiliar territory, I’m sure. If this is the first time you’ve lost, Ms. Do, then great! I’ll see to it that it’ll also be your last.”

Kiduttaa steps on the back of Daring’s head, forcing her face into the sand. Almost all of your fear is replaced by pure anger as you see the way your companion is being treated.

Your emotions are torn. Just yesterday you tried to choke Daring to death as she has become the biggest pain in the ass in recorded history.

But something inside of you is just absolutely enraged with seeing someone treat Daring like this. You assume it’s just because you still have a set of morals, unlike everyone else you’ve met in your life.

“Didn’t you need something, Kiduttaa?” you say, trying to keep yourself reserved so that you don’t get your ass beat. You know what this guy will do to you if he’s in the mood. “Or did you come out here to beat up Daring?”

“Hmm?” he asks, glancing over at you while rubbing Daring’s face into the ground. “Oh, sorry I forgot about you for a minute there. Just wanted to catch up with Ms. Do for a moment.”

He steps off the back of Daring’s head, and with a growing smile, kicks her hard against her restrained wing, causing her to turn over onto her back in pain.

The last iota of your logical mind forces you to physically bite down hard on your tongue before you are about to show Kiduttaa your extensive vocabulary.

In this precise situation, pissing him off would result in serious pain. You haven’t forgotten what he’s done to you. The scars are gone, but you don’t think you’ll have a full night’s sleep for the rest of your life because of him. You want him to keep his knife sheathed.

What a dick.

“What fun!” he exclaims, giddy like a schoolgirl. His smile, you notice as he shows all his teeth, is impeccable. You find it odd that his teeth are all straight and white, seeing where he lives. “Now, getting back to why I’m here. You,” he announces, pointing a hoof at your chest, “are going to hand over the artifacts you already have, and you will find the eagle for me. So let’s get to it! Genocides don’t start themselves, you know, and there are plenty of camels out there just waiting for what’s coming to them.”

Why does this shit happen to you? Why do you have to find it?

“Fuck off,” Daring slurs, sounding a little intoxicated as she sits herself back up again. You doubt she’s actually drunk, and assume her poor speech is a result of getting smacked around. Saying she looks ‘bad’ would be an understatement. Her face and a lot of her upper body is peppered in bruises, but she doesn’t show that she’s in pain. She’s always gotta act tough. “Even if you get them,” she spits into the sand, “I’ll just get them right back. Like always, Kiduttaa. It’s cute you think you have all this power when you’re really a pussy. I bet you feel like a real man, beating up a girl. How about you untie me and we’ll see who the girl really is?”

Kiduttaa laughs that same terrifying laugh he always has. You hate hearing it, and you’re genuinely afraid of it. It usually means something bad is going to happen.

Your instincts prove correct as, after a small chuckle, he suddenly stops laughing and punches Daring hard across the face, making her neck snap to the side and she collapses.

“You are in no position to be so disrespectful,” he casually remarks as Daring rolls over. “I will go below with your mute, unnamed friend here to find my eagle, and I will leave you up here to contemplate your life and hopefully learn some respect.”

He turns and gestures to the dozen zebras that stand around you.

“Have some fun with her, gentlemen,” he commands with a wink.

You glance at Daring, who’s bleeding out of her mouth and trying her best to sit back up again. Her defiant personality doesn’t allow her to stay down or shut up, and she’s paying for it.

Meanwhile, a few of Kiduttaa’s guards begin to advance on your injured companion, and you panic.

“Wait, , stop, wait, wait!” you say in alarm, fearing for Daring’s well being almost as much as your own.

“What? Do you want to switch places with Ms. Do?”

“N-No,” you stutter, feeling anxious now that everyone in the general area is staring right at you. You’d be much happier if they’d stop paying attention to you, but you have to say something!

Otherwise, both you and Daring are screwed.

“I will find you the eagle,” you say unsurely, considering you couldn’t find it all of yesterday and doubt you can find it now. “But I have a few conditions.”

“And why should I listen to them?” he chuckles while his subordinates brandish their spears. “You’ll do as I say, and that’ll be the end of it.”

“Everything will go a lot quicker if I cooperate, right? And I will cooperate… if you accept my conditions.”

Your spirits pick up as he seems to ponder what you are saying for a moment.

“The sooner we get out of here the better,” you add. “I know that. You know that. Every second out here is valuable, and I don’t want to waste time arguing.”

“I agree, but give me a reason that I would even want to consider your conditions.”

Fuck. “Uh… Because… You need my help! You even said so. If you didn’t, Daring and I would be dead by now. But you need us right now, and I’ll be willing to help if you accept. I’ll do whatever you ask.”

“Let me hear these conditions of yours then.”

You swallow hard as your heart rate increases. You almost forgot how hot and shitty this desert was.

Damn you’re thirsty.

“First, no one touches Daring. There’s no point in beating her around, so just leave her alone.”

He smiles his shit-eating, toothy grin down at you. “I knew the two of you were a couple. Ms. Do always travels alone. I knew she wouldn’t get around with someone else unless they were in love.”

“I don’t see how me not wanting her to get torn apart by your goons means I’m in love with her, but think what you want.” Psycho.

“What is your next condition?”

“Next condition?” You think for a minute, feeling unprepared. “Uh… That’s it, I guess.”

“So when you said, ‘I have a few conditions,’ you meant to say ‘I have one condition.’ Yes?”

“Uh… Yeah, I guess.”

“I spent many years of my life learning and perfecting your language. The least you could do is speak it properly.”

“My bad. It’s hot.”

“Yes, yes, that it is. I cannot fault you. Ms. Do said you have both been out here for many hours.”

“Do you accept my condition?”

With a smile and glance back at Daring, he agrees. “Albeit reluctantly, I accept your condition.”

“If me and you are going down-”

“You and I.”

“What?”

“You misspoke again. You meant to say, ‘You and I.’”

God damn you are not feeling well enough to put up with this guys’ shit.

You clear your throat and lick your dry lips. “If you and I are going down in that tomb, Daring comes too.”

“That was not part of the deal. That was not your condition.”

“I don’t trust you and I don’t trust anybody else here. If Daring is left up here, I’m pretty sure your men will do whatever they want with her. She comes with me.”

“Or what? What will you do?”

“I won’t help.”

He laughs, and you try your best to maintain your composure.

So far, in this particular conversation with your least favorite being on the planet, you are impressed with how you have handled yourself. You haven’t broken down or let him just roll over you.

And he’s actually listening, which is the weirdest part. He could technically do whatever he wanted to you both. But for some reason, he doesn’t.

Why doesn’t he kill you? You know he really wants to.

Why does he want your help, though? Why doesn’t he want Daring’s help? Or why does he need either of your help in the first place?

Does he seriously assume you know where to find it? No, that can’t be it. How could you know?

Does he think you’re hiding a map?

No. If he did, he’d just take it and kill you both. The fact that you are alive right now is simply the most confusing thing you’ve ever pondered.

“If Ms. Do comes with us,” Kiduttaa continues, “Eight of my men will as well. The other four will stay up here.”

“Deal.”

“Good! Let’s find me that eagle then, shall we?”

Kiduttaa takes out his knife again and approaches you.

Your heart rate immediately picks up as you see Kiduttaa walk towards you with his weapon. From where you’re sitting, the knife looks like it may as well be a sword. Who needs a knife to be that big?! What could he possibly be cutting in his spare time to warrant a weapon of that size?

There’s gotta be some way out of this!

Before you have a seizure, Kiduttaa slices the ropes that bind your wrists, and cuts you free from your bonds.

You seriously feel sick.

You stand up and expect to be knocked back down again, but you’re not. The surrounding zebras look prepared to kill you, but what else is new.

“I will not untie Ms. Do,” Kiduttaa says.

“Then how is she supposed to get into the tomb with us?” you ask.

“You’ll carry her! And don’t try anything funny, or she dies.”

You figured.

Daring remains seated on the sand, looking disoriented, and she probably is through a combination of the heat, dehydration, and getting the shit kicked out of her every once in a while.

“Up you go, Daring,” you say, picking her up and shifting her around onto your back. She puts her bound forelegs around your neck to hold on, and her hooves just dangle around your chest.

She feels really weak, like she’s barely hanging on. It’s disheartening, but surely everything will somehow work out.

You would ask if she’s all right, but that’s a stupid question. Of course she’s not all right.

“Chin up, Daring,” you whisper, walking over to the rope. “And stop talking shit for a while or they’re really going to hurt you.”

Daring doesn’t say anything. She just sort of repositions herself on you, putting the side of her face against the side of yours. Her hind legs wrap around your waist and she squeezes them, holding her in position.

But she still doesn’t say anything. You reach your hands behind you to hold up her butt, lest she start slipping and choke you to death with her rope.

For a small pony, she’s got pretty wide hips and a big butt. It’s not the best time to think about that or say anything, so you don’t.

But hey, thinking about anything other than the reality of your present circumstance is preferable.

==========

Climbing down a rope isn’t especially hard, and Daring doesn’t weigh much, so this whole ordeal isn’t that big of a deal.

Besides, if zebras can do it with their spears and shit, you definitely can. They don’t even have fingers.

“Jay,” Daring whispers in your ear, and you can feel her breath on the side of your face. “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t worry,” you say, more concentrated on climbing down the rope than what she’s really saying. You don’t care if she’s sorry, there’s not anything you can do about it now.

“I’m going to get out of this. You’ll see.”

“I believe it.”

You’re starting to believe it less and less.

==========

Daring is being kept in the corner, and you can’t help but glance over that way to make sure she’s alive. There’s a few guards by her, staring at her, waiting for the opportunity to do something.

If they did do anything, you don’t know how you’d respond. If you tried to stop them, you’d be killed. If you did nothing, you’d probably be ultimately killed.

You’re going to die here.

Now you hope the ghost of Vitun Mies does exist and decides to start fucking shit up ASAP. Then maybe you could escape. If that doesn’t happen, you’re screwed.

And it’s not happening. Oh well.

You still hope his ghost exists though. That way you’ll have someone to hang out with in a few minutes. You two probably won’t be friends, but you can still talk about stuff.

The zebras are quickly growing impatient with how little you are finding. As you search, all of them are just sitting around, talking in some foreign language and fiddling with the two artifacts you and Daring used to have. They don’t seem to know how to work the things either.

Part of you wants to know what they’re saying.

But the rest of you doesn’t. You think you can assume what they’re talking about, but as long as you don’t know for sure, you get to keep some part of your sanity.

Meanwhile, Daring has gone back to not looking at you again. Whatever.

You’ve seriously got to find this thing within the next 60 seconds or you think you’re going to die.

You keep looking, but the eagle is seriously just not here. Simple as that.

==========

You can’t find this stupid thing. The eagle isn’t even here!

But you’re not going to tell anyone that. You’ve decided that instead of genuinely searching for something that isn’t here, maybe you can find an alternate way out of the tomb. These old tombs that are filled with treasures have to have some trap doors or something, right? Isn’t that how this shit works?

You need to ask Daring, but she’s far away.

Surely getting out of here with your life will be heavily influenced by Daring’s freedom. The only way you could possibly get out of here is if Daring isn’t tied up or dead.

You don’t know what to do.

Even if escape was theoretically possible, where would you go? You’d have to walk miles and miles back to civilization.

Even with plenty of water, that’d be a humongous pain in the ass. But you don’t have water. So it’s impossible.

What are your options?

Stay here, find the eagle, get murdered.

Attempt to escape, fail, get a spear in the gut.

Attempt to escape, succeed, die of dehydration.

There’s a common theme here that you aren’t enjoying. This is complete bullshit, just like everything else that has happened to you in your entire few week old life.

This search attempt has lasted about 4 minutes in real time, but in your head you’ve been looking for hours. It’s only a matter of time before they get bored and kill you for fun. It’s a safe assumption in this case.

“Where is it?!” Kiduttaa calls from the other side of the room. “You better not be stalling!”

“N-No!” you respond. “Nope. It’s around here. Just give me a minute.”

“I’ve given you plenty. Stop wasting my time.”

Oh fuck.

Fearing that the end is near, you speed up your search process, but still find nothing.

==========

Kiduttaa went over to talk to Daring, but you’re too far away to hear what they’re saying. You’re still just looking, but time is not something you have a lot of.

He’s probably just taunting her anyway. He’s probably like ‘Fuck you slut’ and Daring’s probably like ‘Eat my ass, queer.’

Crazy times in the tomb.

By now, you have been legitimately searching for at least a half an hour. Why isn’t anyone else helping? Why do you have to do it alone?

Almost every pot in the room is now broken, and behold! Nothing.

Huge fucking surprise there. Maybe you should just kill yourself and save them the trouble.

“Done yet?!” Kiduttaa asks.

“No!”

“How hard could it be to find the thing?!”

“I could use some help!”

With a huff, Kiduttaa tells his soldiers to start looking too while he sits on his ass.

You are quick to regret asking for help as there are now 8 zebras around you. They’re legitimately looking, but that doesn’t make you feel any better. You can’t help but feel like they’re going to attack at any second.

At least they’re away from Daring.

Kiduttaa is still talking at Daring, and Daring still isn’t saying anything or moving. You’d think she’s dead already.

With no apparent regard for their ancestry, the zebras around you start destroying everything they touch. If it’s not the eagle, they don’t care about it.

One of them even flips over Vitun Mies’ coffin, sending the poor shithead back onto the ground in bits.

Some people just can’t catch a break.

“Attack! Attack!” a zebra yells down from the hole up top.

Everyone freezes and looks up at the hole.

Attack? What attack? Who’s attacking? Are they attacking? If someone is attacking them, how did they get here?

Why is everyone popping up in the middle of the fucking desert?!

“Don’t just stop and stare!” Kiduttaa shouts. “Get up there and fight, you idiots! Did you think this was going to be easy?!”

Half of the zebras are quick to respond and rush to and up the rope as fast as they can manage, which isn’t incredibly fast.

“Did you think we were the only ones looking for these things?!” Kiduttaa yells, not climbing the rope, just issuing orders. “Get up there and kill them! I don’t want a single one of those cocksuckers getting out of here alive!”

Half of the zebra soldiers continue to scurry up the rope, while the other half stand at the bottom, looking ready to defend Kiduttaa.

You can’t help but root for whoever is fighting the zebras right now. You don’t know who they are, but you hope they win. Your life literally depends on it.

You need to free Daring! Maybe if you free her, you won’t even have to worry about whoever is attacking. So what if they get the artifacts?! How important could three animal statues be?!

What really matters right now is escaping with your life.

As you start to make your way over to Daring, you look up at the hole and see the first zebra has just reached the top.

And he immediately receives an arrow to the forehead, causing his body to go limp and he collapses and falls. As he falls, he knocks off the other zebras struggling to climb the rope, and they all fall back down to the ground.

It’d be almost comical if you weren’t at risk of dying. Nevertheless, it makes you happy watching your captors get what’s coming to them.

The bodies land with a loud thud. Only one of them being dead, you think, but the others are definitely hurt.

Still looking up to the hole, you see someone look back down at you. You recognize the form almost immediately.

When travelling on the zeppelin the other day, Daring threw some guy wearing a black uniform off. Whoever is up there has a white coat, a horn on their head, and is wearing the exact same black uniform.

Shit!

That means they probably want to kill you too. Now you know you’re fucked.

Daring’s list of enemies is too big. She really needs to make a friend or two.

As more and more ponies begin to approach the hole in the ceiling, you take your chance and rush over to Daring.

Luckily, the remaining zebras are much too busy to pay any attention to you, and you get to her without a problem.

“Time to fucking go,” you say quickly, grabbing Daring’s foreleg restraints and attempting to untie them.

“Jay,” she whispers while you still fiddle with the rope. It’s so tight! You can’t even get them to slip off over her hooves. “Jay. Look at me.”

You don’t. This whole situation is too stressful and you actually have a chance to get out of here with your life! No time to lose.

“Jay, look at me.”

“No, Daring, shutup.”

“Look at me.”

“No time for your sappy bullshit, Daring, we gotta go.”

“Please, Jay.” She physically pulls her forelegs away and out of your grasp. You look up at Daring’s face, and she almost looks… defeated. It’s depressing. “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, be quiet.” You grab her forelegs and forcefully bring them back towards you. “Shit happens. We’re gonna get out here alive.”

“...Yes we are.”

Untying knots is a real pain in the ass. You have to guess which part to pull on and hope it comes out. You manage to guess correctly and the knot around her forelegs comes loose. You get the rope around her hind legs off as well.

You glance behind you to see what’s going on, as all you have been hearing is shouting in a couple different languages.

Those white ponies in black uniforms are now inside the tomb, and even more and quickly sliding down the rope as reinforcements. There are way more ponies than zebras.

Another zebra gets shot with several arrows in the chest before collapsing. The zebras only have spears, but the ponies have arrows. You wonder who’s going to win this one.

You’re running out of time.

Maybe if you could just untie Daring, then she could get out of here. You’d be happy if at least she could escape, but there is no way you’re getting out of this mess. Daring can fly, she can escape!

There is no way you’re going to climb up the rope without getting shot to pieces, but if Daring could fly, she could get out quicker.

Fuck! You should’ve untied her wings first! Damn it!

The ropes around her wings is incredibly tight; much tighter than you originally thought. You think it could be giving her some serious trouble breathing. Hopefully the rope doesn’t damage her wings. She needs to be able to fly.

These zebras are completely insane. How could they tie Daring up this tight? The rope is so taut that it’s bending her wings outwards from the middle. How much could they hate possibly hate her?

All this fuss over a few statues. The more you think about it, the stupider it seems, and it already seemed incredibly stupid.

The noise behind you is steadily dying down, but you’re too focused to check. Hopefully they take their time with killing each other. You just need a few more seconds!

With a good pull, the knot in the rope comes out and the rope drops from Daring’s midsection, freeing her wings.

Despite your excitement, Daring still doesn’t even move.

“What are you doing?” you ask. “Fly! Get the fuck out of here!”

“I’m so sorry, Jay,” she whispers, grabbing one of your hands in between her hooves.

"What the fuck is the matter with you?"

“Halt!” you hear someone yell, and it feels like the voice came from just a few feet behind you. “Halt!”

Shit. Are you going to die now?

You turn and face whoever it is behind you.

Some relief washes over you as you realize that he isn’t a zebra, but all that anxiety returns as you realize that it’s still one of Daring’s enemies, and he’s holding a crossbow in his magical grip.

You don’t know if it’s the same guy Daring threw off the zeppelin or not. They all kind of look the same, especially when wearing those uniforms.

You raise your hands, not wanting to get shot.

“Aufstehen!” he yells, pointing his bow up and then back at your head.

Assuming that means ‘get up,’ you comply and stand, keeping your hands raised. A few other uniformed ponies begin to advance upon you.

“Halt!” you hear a female voice shriek from behind these men. Immediately and without hesitation, all ponies in front of you stop dead in their tracks and stand at attention.

You contemplate whether or not to be afraid. Do these guys want to kill you? The guy Daring threw out of the zeppelin might, but you don’t know about these ones in particular. They could.

Or maybe they just want to use you, like Kiduttaa did.

Speaking of which, where is he?

Being taller than all of these little ponies is a bonus as you can easily see everything behind them with little to no issue. There’s a few dozen of these white ponies down here now, far outnumbering the zebras. But where did the zebras go?

As you keep scanning the room, you see a few of the white ponies making a very organized pile of dead bodies in the corner.

And sitting next to that pile, tied up, is a still breathing Kiduttaa. Fuck. They didn’t kill him? Why?

You would.

These white ponies are clearly not friends with your ex zebra captors. Maybe this could be one of those ‘the enemy of my enemy is my friend’ sorta situations.

Two ponies approach you and Daring from the center of the room. The first is a white unicorn with blond hair and blue eyes and is wearing one of those black uniforms everypony else seems to be wearing.

Her cutie mark, you notice, not that you were looking back there, is a pink heart, and in the middle of that heart is a… fucked up “X” looking thing. But it’s not really an X. It’s like if someone crossed a Z with another Z. You don’t know how to explain it.

But you feel like you know what it is. You feel like you know what it’s called.

The other pony is a stallion with black hair, blue eyes, and has a smoking pipe as a cutie mark. He’s wearing a red beret.

Why does that description sound familiar?

“Oh, my love! My love!” the stallion shouts with joy, trotting up to Daring, who looks less than pleased.

His love? Who the fuck is this guy?

“Hello again, my dear!” The stallion leans in and tries to give Daring a kiss while Daring tries to back away into the wall.

“Ah! Nein!” the mare yells over at him

The stallion stops and jumps back. With a blatant frown, he returns to standing next to the shouting uniformed mare.

What the fuck was that?

“Hallo,” the mare greets with a smile and a deep bow. “I am called Aryanne. It is an honor to stand in your presence.”

What?

The stallion rolls his eyes. “You may call me Fluage.”

Behind you, you hear Daring spit.

“My love, we have been apart for so long. I wish-”

“Shut the fuck up,” Daring says.

“Quiet!” Aryanne demands. “Cuff them. We will be right back.” With that, Aryanne and Fluage walk away with Aryanne talking animatedly with the stallion.

A white pony approaches you, and with his magic, restrains your hands behind your back with metal cuffs.

“Bleiben Sie hier, bitte,” the pony says, sitting you against the wall right next to Daring. Then he cuffs Daring’s forelegs together.

“They want you to sit here,” Daring explains.

“I figured. Good to see you’re talking again.”

“Hmm.”

“Your wings are free,” you whisper.

“I know it.”

“Fly away.”

“No.”

“No?”

“No.”

“What’s going on?”

Daring shrugs. “Captured again. Remember my list of enemies I gave you a while back?”

“Sorta.”

“They’re all on it. The Kansallissosialistinen and Fluage.”

“Right. The people with the complicated name and… who?”

“Remember the guy I told you about who was only out to find me? So he can… I don’t know, be with me?”

“Oh shit.”

“Yeah. That’s him. Doesn’t look like he’s changed much.”

“Well, shit.”

“You said it.”

You don’t even know what to say anymore.

==========

Aryanne has come back over to join you and Daring but did not bring Fluage back. Maybe he was being too much of a creep.

She set out her soldiers to start looking, but no one’s going to find anything.

Some of the white unicorns have begun searching through the room, turning over and breaking pots. Same old shit.

They won’t find the eagle like that. In fact, they won’t find it at all. It isn’t here. It can’t be. You’ve searched this whole place twice over.

“Have you found the eagle yet?” Aryanna asks you, electing to remain standing by you and Daring rather than do any physical work. You assume it’s because she’s an officer. She has to be.

“N-No,” you respond, not sure if she’s willing to kill you.

“Hmm…” she ponders, holding up the donkey and elephant statues she must’ve taken from Kiduttaa. Good thing she hasn’t brought him over to where you and Daring are. “Did you sleep here last night?”

“I did.”

“Where?”

“Where in here?”

“Ja, where exactly did you lie?”

“Uh… Just over there a bit.” With your hands tied up, you’re forced to nod in the general direction of where you were the previous evening.

Aryanne takes a few steps over to where you still have your bottle of water from this morning. “Right here?”

“Yep.”

“Graben Sie!” she shouts, her voice easily carrying to all corners of the tomb. Following orders, a few white unicorns start digging where you said you slept last night. “Bringen Sie mir ihn!” She barks again, pointing at Kiduttaa.

A few more of her men grab Kiduttaa and rush over to where you, her, and Daring are. Once they get close enough to you, they unceremoniously drop your least favorite zebra like a sack of potatoes.

It just figures that the moment you thought not being next to this asshole was a good thing, they’d just bring him over to you.

Kiduttaa’s face, once black and white, is now almost entirely purple and red from bruising and cuts. The rest of his body is almost the same, and his legs are restrained with metal cuffs. He looks like complete shit.

And that actually makes you happy. Maybe if you ask nicely they’ll let you hit him a few times.

As if to taunt Kiduttaa, Aryanne places her new donkey and elephant statues at her feet and slowly caresses them, all the time staring at the zebra with a smile.

Kiduttaa says nothing.

This just makes you so happy! Right now, you’re Aryanne’s number one fan, no doubt. She’s basically telling Kiduttaa to go fuck himself! And he can’t say anything back!

Oh, maybe this day is going to be okay after all.

“Ja, ja!” a soldier yells. “Es ist hier, Frau Hauptmann!”

Several soldiers run to Aryanne, holding what is unmistakably a statue of a white eagle. It’s dirty, but it looks to be the real thing. It’s just covered in dust and sand.

And last night you spent hour after hour sleeping on top of it.

What?

How did you sleep on top of it and never realize? How deep was it buried? How did Aryanne know where to look for it? How did she know it would be under where you slept?

What?

Should you feel relieved? Daring didn’t seem to want these guys to get the artifacts either. And now they have all three!

Oh well. What are you going to do about it?

“The eagle! There it is!” Kiduttaa shouts, practically in tears.

Aryanne levitates a brush with her magic and wipes away the dust and sand from the final artifact before giving it a kiss.

Then she places it on the ground next to the donkey and elephant.

“Please!” Kiduttaa shouts, attempting to crawl towards the line of statues. “Let me just hold it! Just for a moment, I want to hold it! I want to touch it!”

“Nein! Zurueck!” Another white pony literally kicks Kiduttaa in the face, knocking him backwards. “Abschaum,” Aryanne mutters.

“There,” Daring announces, looking up at Aryanne. “You got your stupid eagle thing and the rest of them. Am I done now? Can I go?”

Can she go? What the fuck is that supposed to mean?

Aryanne takes a moment to look Daring up and down before she glances at you. With a shrug, she orders her to be released.

A uniformed soldier unlocks Daring’s cuffs and she gets up. Meanwhile, you’re still on the ground.

“Daring, what’s going on?” you ask.

“What do you think is going on?” she replies. She begins walking away from you and towards Aryanne.

“I don’t fucking know! If I knew, I wouldn’t ask.”

“God damn it, Jay! You’re so clueless! You’ve got to make everything harder for everypony because you’re just so stupid sometimes. Do I really need to spell it out for you?!”

You don’t say anything. You’re just surprised to see how angry Daring seems to be at you.

“Let’s recap for a second. I left last night. I show back up with the zebras. Just before they kill us, these guys show up. How did all of them know where and when to arrive? Either they found this place themselves, or somepony told them!”

“You told them?!”

“Of course I fucking told them, you idiot! Who do you think is paying me for all this?”

“You said your government pays you.”

“Yeah, they put up some money, but these guys put up way more! They give me cash, I give them the artifacts and you. In the process, I get rid of Kiduttaa. Anyway you look at it, I win.”

“What do you mean? What do you mean you’re giving them me?”

“Exactly what it sounds like. They wanted you, I said okay. They wanted the statues, I said okay. Now, they give me money and I go home. My adventure is done, Jay. I even told you like ten minutes ago that I was going to get out of this.”

“I’m so confused.”

“I know you are. It’s because you’re stupid.”

“Why?”

“Why? Pfft! C’mon, Jay, stop taking this so personally. I know you’re new to this business and all, but come on.”

“You’re just giving me up? You were supposed to help me!”

“I know! But plans change sometimes. Adaptability is the most important trait in my profession.”

“How could you do this to me? After everything I did for you, how could you just do this to me?”

“Stop that, Jay! At any point since we first met did you ever think that I actually liked you? Since when were you a priority in my life? I’ve been trying to get rid of you for weeks but you just can’t take a hint. Now you’re paying for it.”

“What do you-”

“I’ve never liked you! You’re impossible to get along with. You’re big, clumsy, annoying, and slow me down, but those days are over now. You’re not my problem anymore.”

How can she even say that! This isn’t the real her! The real Daring must be somewhere else! “What? You’re just going to leave me behind?”

“Uh… From your perspective, I guess so. Really sorry, Jay, but I can’t help!”

You don’t know what to say, so you say nothing. Daring is going to leave? She’s leaving. She’s just abandoning you.

“Whore!” Kiduttaa spits. “The only thing women are good for is using men to get what they want.”

Aryanne and Daring both glare at him. “Be quiet.”

“When I am free once again I will destroy you! You will beg for death when I am done with you!”

“I said shut up!”

“I will tear you into pieces for the way you are treating me, bitch! I will let all the zebra stallions in my kingdom breed you-”

“I’m gonna need one more favor,” Daring says to Aryanne as Kiduttaa continues his rampage.

“Naturlich,” she responds.

Daring points a hoof at Kiduttaa, and with a glare and an evil look you’ve never seen Daring wear, she requests, “I hate zebras. Especially that one. Kill him for me.”

“Jetzt?”

“Right now.”

With barely a shrug, the unicorn's’ horn lights up in a blue glow, and just one second later, Kiduttaa’s head does as well.

Kiduttaa stops talking.

Do you want Kiduttaa to die? Absolutely. But what Daring requested is kind of odd. As far as you know, she’s never executed anyone…

But as far as you knew, she never betrayed anyone before either. Maybe she’s just having one of those days.

Kiduttaa scowls and closes his eyes tightly, not saying anything. The whole room goes silent and everyone inside focuses on the zebra.

A few seconds later, his head explodes outwards, causing bits of skull, brain, and blood to be strewn in all directions.

“Fuck!” you yell in surprise, not expecting that to happen. Bits of Kiduttaa splatter on your body, as you are kneeling next to him.

What the fuck was that?! That unicorn just blew up his fucking head! Literally! There’s bits and pieces of his skull and brain all over the place!

Mostly on you. The entire left side of your body has been sprayed with blood.

How the hell are you supposed to feel about this?

You’re mainly in shock. How did that even happen? Unicorns can make people’s heads explode? You better be nice to this girl.

At that moment, your body has decided enough is enough, and you throw up. After doing so, you feel a lot better until you glance over at Kiduttaa again.

Oh god. You really feel sick now.

You’re overjoyed that your least favorite being got what was coming to him, and you should be happy (or happier), but you’re not. You’re just confused. It’s nothing new. If anything, now the confusion is even worse.

They literally blew up his damn head! How?!

Are they going to kill you? Why did Daring order him to die? Is she going to kill you too? Why are you tied up and Daring isn’t? Aren’t these Daring’s enemies? Why don’t they kill her?

You have no idea what’s going on. Same shit different day.

“Good?” the unicorn asks.

“Y-Yeah,” Daring stutters, not sounding great.

You think you’re going to pass out.

“Wasser!” the unicorn shouts, looking down at you. She glances down at her black uniform and becomes visibly annoyed when she sees a very small splotch of blood on her collar. “Scheisse,” she mumbles.

A stallion runs up to the unicorn mare with a large jug of water and she flicks her head towards you. The stallion rushes to you and puts the jug up to your mouth.

Over the course of the next few seconds, you chug and drain the entire bottle of its contents, having almost forgotten how great water really is. It’s so underrated. Sure it doesn’t taste like anything, but at this has got to be the greatest thing you have ever drank in your life.

As you near the end of the jug, you look over at Daring and the blond unicorn. The unicorn is patting her collar with a handkerchief (hoofkerchief?), trying to get the blood off.

Daring has more blood on her shirt, but you can’t remember how much of that was already there and what was the result of Kiduttaa blowing up.

Should you care?

Right now, as you begin to get your mind back and organized, you hope most of the blood on Daring is her own. Fuck her.

“Ahem,” Daring clears her throat, as she continues to look uneasily at Kiduttaa’s body. “Yeah, thanks for killing him and all, but I meant, like, with a bow or a knife. I didn’t think you’d blow up his head.”

“This way is more fun. All zebras deserve death. All work and no play, as they say.”

“Riiiiiiight… Okay, yeah, I think I’m gonna head out now. Thanks for the money. Thanks for killing him,” she points at Kiduttaa. “And be nice to Jay and he’ll do whatever you want.”

“Naturlich.”

“Seriously, though, be good to him.” Daring trots over to you, and before you can decide if you want to headbutt her or not, she lunges forward and… kisses you?

What?

“Mmwah!” Daring pulls away with a smile, and you’re too stunned to attack her. “Ahh! I’ve been wanting to do that for a while. Take it easy, Jay.”

…

What the fuck was that for?!

Daring begins to walk away, shaking her hips and swaying her tail with every step. She looks at a furious Fluage on the far side of the room and blows him a kiss.

“If you want, Fluage, give Jay a kiss. It’ll be the closest thing you’ll ever get to me. Ha!”

“I’m onto you,” he replies, red in the face.

Daring just rolls her eyes. “Keep dreaming, weirdo.”

And with that, your partner puts on her saddlebags and slowly flies away, going out of the hole and out of site.

And out of your life.

She just… left. Just like that.

You keep looking up at the hole, waiting for her to come back, waiting for her to tell you this is a joke. A really cruel joke.

…

But she’s not coming back.

“Aww! Do not be sad!” Aryanne says, slowly approaching you before putting nuzzling her head under your chin, and you have to mind her horn, lest she kill you with it. The feeling of her soft mane surprises you, and you don’t know how to feel about her trying to comfort you right now. “Everything will be fine now.”

No! Everything will not be fine! Everything is getting worse and worse! You thought you caught a break for a second there, but just like everything else, it’s one step forward and two steps back.

This is awful! Daring was supposed to be the only thing you could rely on! And you can’t even do that anymore!

You think you’re going to throw up again.

Sensing your troubles, Aryanne begins to physically walk around you, her body never breaking contact with yours. She rubs her face and side against your shoulder and your back. After a second, her rump is almost right in front of your face, her cutie mark is almost touching your nose.

She slides her tail along the underside of your chin as she keeps walking. You really don’t want to do to.

“Mein Freund,” she coos, and if you were already feeling hot before than you are moment away from bursting into flames. “Your friend told me to treat you nicely.” She nibbles at your ear. “And I will do just that. You will give me what I need to serve my Fuhrer, and I will give you… everything.”

With that, she pounces from behind you and locks her lips with yours. Your eyes open wide in surprise, but her blue eyes are completely shut. Her lips are soft but stay very firm until she pulls away.

She looks at you with her big blue eyes and flicks her mane out of her face. She gives up a big smile.

“We will have much fun together,” she says, giving your cheek a good lick. “Your dirty, and don’t taste very nice, but I will fix this problem very soon!”

What?

...

Huh. This situation isn’t looking too great. But it’s definitely better than being with Kiduttaa. Maybe this isn’t all so bad. You can work with this. Just give them what they want and you’ll get what you want… Just like Aryanne said.

You can think of a few things you want.

“Move out!”

Author's Notes:

Romance will happen sooner than you think