Sky frowned in her sleep as a ray of sunlight hit her muzzle through a gap in the curtains. She let out a little squeaky groan, rolling over in bed and pulling the sheets over her head to get that horrible natural light out of her face.

Ugh...why does it have to be sunlight… She thought dully. Why can’t it be...I dunno...luminescent chocolate or some shit. Fuck...my head…

Sky’s head throbbed with pain as she lay there in bed, silently pleading the ceiling to cave in and kill her instantly...and to do it quietly, if it’s not too much trouble.

Okay...let’s just take a moment and work this out… She thought to herself, flicking her ears about. I’m obviously not in my own bed, cause the blankets are too thick and nice and...wow, clean. Where the hell am I?

Sky cracked an eye open, taking in her surroundings. She lay in a rather elegant four-poster bed, all nestled into the white linen sheets. Splitting headache and dehydration aside, Sky confessed herself very comfortable indeed.

Fuuuuuck...this is the best place I’ve ever woken up after blacking out. It sure beats the gutter outside Screwdriver’s place last month… Sky blinked, letting her eyes adjust to the light. In time, the pounding from the headache went down, such that Sky felt at least capable of looking around the room without being overcome by the urge to hurl herself off of a tall building...as quietly as possible.

Catching sight of a glass of water and an asprin on the bedside table, Sky sighed with relief and downed both of them. Obviously it’d take a few minutes for them to do their work, but it was a nice gesture.

Huh...guess somepony must’ve found me fucking around and took pity on me… Sky thought. Her dress was draped over a nearby chair, apparently forgotten. In the corner sat a set of dressing blinds and a great big mannequin...upon which sat a wedding dress.

“You’re finally up, then.” Came a voice from nearby. Sky shuffled around in bed, finding herself face to face with her little sister. She looked alarmingly amused by the whole situation.

“Erm...Shadow...what happened?” Sky asked, biting her lip and casting worried glances at the wedding dress.

“Well, you got really drunk, punched some bitch in the head and ran like hell.” Shadow shrugged. “So it’s kinda like when we first went to Screwdriver’s together.”

“Uh...huh…” Sky said slowly. “Um...that mare I punched...who was it?”

“Go on.” Shadow grinned. “You get one guess. Make it a good one.”

Sky’s ears splayed back and her eyes widened as she finally put the pieces together. All of those loud giggly mares, the way that mare had been so haughty and up stuck-up...she’d even been wearing a really tasteless pink feather boa…

“Oh shit...I punched Silver’s fiancee.” Sky groaned, laying back on the pillow with her head in her hooves.

“Yeah, so much for incognito.” Shadow giggled. “Still, you had fun at the Gala. I mean, that’s gotta count for something, right?”

“Yeah, but I’m all for saving the holiday until after we’ve gotten the super-soldiers off of our backs.” Sky huffed, pulling her hooves aside. “How’d your night go with Fox?”

“Erm…” Shadow blushed, glancing down at her hooves. “No...not bad, I guess…”

“Not bad, huh?” Sky chuckled tiredly, a tiny cheeky smile forming on her face. “Did you dance with him?”

“Ye...that’s not important…” Shadow mumbled.

“Was he any good?” Sky knew a “Yes” when she heard one, and couldn’t help but grin wider.

“Um...we stepped on each others’ hooves a lot…and then he tripped over my tail because he’s a lumbering idiot…”

“Did he pull you down with him?”

Shadow looked away. That was all the answer Sky needed.

“Did you kiss him?” Sky pressed.

“No...but I pushed him into a rosebush and he got a bunch of thorns stuck in his flanks.” Shadow giggled quietly. “That counts, right?”

“Sure, that counts.” Sky snickered. “Why not.”

The two sisters sat there with matching grins for a few minutes before Sky’s smile finally softened.

“You know...I kinda like this version of you.” She said. “You’ve always been such a sweetheart under all of that tough girl shit, and it’s nice to get to see it properly.”

“I’m still a tough girl!” Shadow protested. “I can kick any stallion’s ass any day of the week!” She pouted, crossing her forelegs reproachfully. “But...thanks…” She added quietly.

“Hey, I’ve seen what you can do, sweetie. Don’t worry about it.” Sky chuckled, leaning over to nuzzle her sister. “It’s like I said back in Manehattan. You can be the world’s biggest ass-kicker and still be adorable.”

“Yeah...well…” Shadow huffed. “I wouldn’t need to be adorable if he’d just keep his big stupid muzzle to himself! Maybe if he wasn’t such an intrusive jerk I’d be able to...to stop...blu...blushing…”

“Is that what you want?” Sky asked, cocking her head. “For him to leave you alone and just see you as a badass?”

“Well...no…” Shadow sighed. “I mean, that’s what I wanted at first, and he can still fuck right off, but...I...guess...I kinda...like it…”

Sky tussled her sister’s mane, sitting up in bed and beaming. “I’m so proud of you, sweetie…” She whispered, bumping her muzzle against Shadow’s and flashing her a smile.

“I...I didn’t d…” Shadow blustered, before finally meeting her sister’s gaze and smiling softly, too. “Thanks, sis.”

The two sisters fell into comfortable contemplative silence for a time, hugging each other and enjoying the moment of peace.

“So, erm…” Sky said after a while. “A thought’s just struck me…”

“Did it hurt?” Shadow asked sarcastically.

“No, just…” Sky giggled, shoving Shadow away. “I was just wondering. If I’m here, then where the hell’s Silver’s fiancee?”

At that moment, both sisters started as somepony knocked on the door.

“Misty! Time to get ready! The wedding starts in forty-five minutes and you don’t want to be late!”

The two pegasi exchanged a worried glance. Shadow kept looking from Sky to the wedding dress, then back to Sky again.

“I know what you’re thinking…” The elder pony growled. “And there’s no way in hell…”

“Sky, either you can spend all morning bitching, or you can get the dress on.” Shadow grinned evilly. “You’re gonna be Misty for a day!”

“Fine…” Sky rolled her eyes, clambering out of bed. “But you’re coming with me on this, too.”

“Me?” Shadow started. “What the hell could I dress up as to fit in at a wedding?”

“I hate you.” Shadow growled.

“Oh, come on!” Sky giggled, wriggling into the wedding dress as best she could. It was a little big for her. “You’re gonna make a beautiful flower filly!”

“This looks so dumb!” Shadow whined, looking up at the little flowery coronet on her head. “What if somepony sees me?”

“When’s anypony seen you lately?” Sky chuckled. “Or do you mean Fox? You’re worried he’s gonna see you looking all pretty at a wedding and get ideas in his head?”

“N...no! I’m not even thinking abou...eww!” Shadow squeaked, hiding her head under her wing. The little basket of daisies tucked up under it was the cherry on top.

“Were too!” Sky giggled, wiggling her flanks to let the dress sit more comfortably around her body. “Don’t worry. What are the odds of him even being there?”

“Well…” Shadow frowned. A second loud knock brought the two of them back to reality.

“Misty, are you nearly ready?” Came the voice again.

“Shit…” Sky whispered. “Do you remember what that bitch sounded like?”

“I dunno! Some high-class shit or something!” Shadow hissed urgently. “Improvise!”

“Um...okay…” Sky muttered, clearing her throat and putting on an upper-class accent. She sounded for all the world like an adult-sized stroppy teenager. “Of course I am, mother! Gosh, you didn’t think I’d forget all about my special day, did you?”

“Wow, that was condescending…” Shadow grunted.

“She was a mouthy bitch!” Sky whispered back.

“Oh!” Came the voice again. “Well then, hurry up! The clock’s ticking and Silver won’t wait!”

“Of...of course!” Sky nodded, giggling like a socialite. “I can’t wait to take his mon...I mean, his hoof in marriage!”

“Subtle.” Shadow sat back, pouting.

“What are you, the commentator?” Sky deadpanned at her.

”Somepony’s gotta point out when you’re only fooling yourself.” Shadow stuck her tongue out, giggling.

“Ugh…” Sky groaned, pulling her veil down to obscure her face. “Well...how do I look?”

“Like the very last pony who should be wearing white.” Shadow answered honestly, wiggling her way into her own little purple dress. “But...well, you’re meant to be a bride and you look the part. Just don’t forget about us little ponies once you’re a big-shot trophy wife.”

Sky giggled, making sure that her damaged wings, face and tail were completely concealed before making her way to the door. “Come on, flower filly. Let’s go win custody of those crystals.”

The ride to the Palace was made in silence, Sky and Shadow sitting next to one another and trying not to giggle every time one caught the other’s eye. Misty’s mother sat across from them in the carriage, fidgeting nervously.

“Your father and I are...very proud of you, Misty…” She said, after a while. “Do you feel all right? You sound...curious.”

“Oh, well...you know…” Sky replied evenly, producing the most high-class giggle she could manage. “Just the nerves and all that. It’s quite a big day and all that.”

“Hmm…” Misty’s mother nodded pensively. “Now, remember what I told you. Keep your shoulders straight, don’t sway your flanks when you walk and make sure you sign a prenuptial.”

“Isn’t it a bit late for that?” Sky asked, cocking her head under her veil.

“Well, I should hope that you’ve done it by now!” Misty’s mother said, shocked. “These rich stallions are famously unfaithful, and you’ll want to protect your assets!”

At this point, Shadow burst into a very squeaky fit of the giggles, sticking her muzzle in the basket of flowers to muffle herself. The idea of Sky keeping her “assets” away from other ponies was simply too laughable.

Sky huffed quietly, putting her hoof around Shadow’s midsection and pushing her off her seat. The filly’s giggling fit was cut short with a dull thud.

“Are you sure you’re alright, dear? You seem so distracted. Perhaps you’d better take the veil off for just a few moments…”

“No!” Sky squeaked, before controlling her voice and doing her best Misty impression again. “I mean, no thank you, mother. I’ll be quite fine. Er...ah...hahaha…”

“You’re shit at this!” Shadow whispered helpfully.

The mare sighed, staring at Sky incredulously before finally nodding. “Very well. Now then, remember what we discussed. Let the relationship go on for...say...about three months, enough for the media to calm down about the wedding. After that, divorce him and get out with everything you can.”

Sky cocked her head. That was unexpected.

Damn, and they call me a criminal. This’d be harsh as fuck if Silver wasn’t trying to get me murdered…

“But of course!” She finally replied. “Make it look authentic, smile for everypony and enjoy the life of luxury for a few months. I haven’t forgotten!”

“That’s my girl.” Her mother smiled, as the carriage came to a halt. “Now, go out there and put on a big show, okay?”

“Okay, mother. I’ll do my best.” Sky chuckled haughtily, giving the strange middle-aged mare a hug before clambering out of the carriage with Shadow.

The two ponies found themselves practically encircled by photographers, all with the same matching brown hats. About fifty cameras went off in Sky’s face, and it was all the pegasus could do to not spread her wings in panic.

“It’s okay, sis.” Shadow said, nudging her in the flank as she backed away. “This is just some highbrow party shit. Remember, you’re pretending to be a massive attention whore who’s only marrying this guy because you want something from him.”

“Well...yeah, I mean, that’s why I’m fucking here.” Sky muttered as they pushed their way through the paparazzi towards the party hall. “I’ve gotta get that amulet off of him to get through his security shit, right?”

“And Rolling Thunder’s wedding present, don’t forget.” Shadow added.

“Oh yeah, right. Gotta find a way into the safe, too.” Sky nodded. “I remember.”

“Yeah. I know this is probably closer than you wanna get to Silver, but you should be okay if you just...you know...don’t show him your face or kiss him or anything…”

“What, so I’m not allowed to wait for the honeymoon to get that thing off of him?” Sky rolled her eyes under the veil, chuckling and trying to block out the press.

“Sis...just...eww…” Shadow cringed, sticking her tongue out. “Look, just pretend he’s Penfeather or something until you find a way to snatch those things off of him. I’ll keep an eye out, see if I can get us a way out when all of this goes to shit.”

“Good plan.” Sky nodded. There was no doubt in her mind that everything was going to go to shit. All Silver had to do was pull back that veil and see that his fiancee wasn’t his fiancee at all and Sky would be surrounded by guards before she could say “I can explain.”

“Sure. I can do that.” Sky nodded. “Oh, by the way, you look great in that dress. I bet Fox would just love to see you like this.” She bit her lip cheekily as she glanced about. “Say, is that him over there, waving at you?”

Shadow whirled round, following Sky’s hoof and catching Fox’s eye. The little colt was sitting by the entrance to the ballroom, having not noticed her until their eyes met across the crowded garden. He blushed hotly as he gave a nervous little wave.

“Well?” Grinned Sky triumphantly. “Aren’t you gonna wave back?”

Shadow closed her eyes and gritting her teeth, her ears practically smoking as she waved back at him.

“Hi, Fox…” She mumbled sheepishly.

“I’ll let you two get reacquainted.” Sky giggled, bumping her flank against Shadow’s and making the rest of the journey on her own.

This is the weirdest shit I’ve done in ages… Sky thought to herself, sighing as she made her way into the party hall.

She had to admit, it was pretty impressive how the Palace ballroom had been so quickly repurposed after the Gala...though for all Sky knew she’d been out for the whole past week on a mad binge-drinking spree. The dance floor had been filled up with pews and a priestess of Celestia stood at the end of the aisle next to a very ornate-looking altar. It seemed as if every pony worth their salt in Canterlot had turned up for the wedding.

“Eep!” Sky squeaked, scanning the ballroom with wide-eyed fright.

So many ponies...fucking hell, I’m in the lion’s den here. It’s cool...I’ll just be calm and collected and both Shadow and I can get out of this…just...one hoof in front of the other...

Sky bit her lip, taking step after tentative step toward the altar. Her eyes drifted over Silver Tongue, who stood next to the Priestess tapping his hoof impatiently, over to a table laden with presents.

Wow...Silver and Misty aren’t gonna be short on fancy porcelain eggs any time soon…

Sky looked over at the table, trying to discern from the labels which present Rolling Thunder had bought his son. It wasn’t hard to spot the little amulet around Silver’s neck, so if all else failed Sky knew that she could at least get away with that.

“You’re late.” Silver muttered across at her as Sky drew level with him.

“Fashionably late, perhaps.” Sky whispered back, putting on her best Misty voice. “Besides, my mother held me up. I couldn’t help it.”

“Your mother’s an interfering heffer.” Silver observed.

“You would say that. She’s about to become your mother-in-law.” Sky giggled quietly.

Wow, this is weird...I’m right next to the asshole who put that bounty on my head, who framed me for all of this shit and got me in so much trouble...the guy who tried to have me killed. I really ought to give him a smack before I go. Sky ruminated, steeling herself as the Priestess cleared her throat.

“Dearly beloved,” She intoned wearily, “we are gathered here today to celebrate the union of these two lovely ponies, Silver Tongue and Misty. If anypony knows any reason why these two should not be wed, speak now or forever hold your peace.”

Sky looked around hopefully. Nopony said a word.

Bugger.

“Very well.” The Priestess conceded after a while. “I understand that the bride and groom have prepared their own vows. Would you like to begin?” She added, addressing Sky.

Sky glanced around to make sure that she wasn’t talking to somebody else, finally putting a hoof to her chest in confusion. “Uh...me?”

“Yes, dearest.” The Priestess nodded patiently. “Your vow, please. Just as you practiced a few days ago at the rehearsal.”

“Ooooh…” Sky nodded, putting on her upper-class accent again. “Well, I was thinking that perhaps, to make things a little more interesting, we could let the groom go first? Nerves, you know…” She chuckled haughtily, fanning herself with her hoof.

“Well...it’s unconventional, but I suppose…” The Priestess nodded, raising her eyebrows at Silver. The tycoon cleared his throat, flashing everypony a warm smile and taking off his glasses.

“Very well…” He said, his voice clear and loud. “Misty, the day we met I was absolutely struck by how beautiful you were. You were sweet, kind, gorgeous and downright...well...sexy.” He chuckled, waiting for a few moments as giggles broke out amongst the assembled ponies. “I couldn’t imagine a more perfect pony to make my own.”

Sky pawed the ground with a forehoof, blushing hotly and letting out a happy little squee. She was only broken out of her little fantasy world by Shadow, who poked her head out from behind the Priestess and hissed at her.

“Hey, stupid!” She whispered. “He’s an asshole, remember? Snap out of it!”

Oh, right… Sky raised her head, perking her ears back up again. Yeah, the attempted murder…

The Priestess smiled, switching her attention back to Sky and giving her the same expectant look. Sky took a moment to process what the clergymare was getting at before giving a little start, clearing her throat.

“Well...erm…” She said nervously. “You’re very sweet, Silver. When I first met you I was impressed by just how...er…”

She glanced across at Shadow, who shrugged.

“nerdy you looked with those glasses of yours!” Sky finished, giggling quietly. That got a better laugh out of the crowd than Silver’s “sexy” comment, and it was by no means lost on him. Sky could hear him grinding his teeth from here.

“But I learned an important lesson from the time we spent together…” Sky carried on, drawing on every shitty magazine and romance novel she’d read over the years for inspiration. “And that’s...that’s…”

“Stop looking at me like I know what to say!” Shadow hissed. “You got yourself into this mess! Get yourself out! I don’t do romantic shit!”

“...that...you can’t judge a pony by their looks, but by what’s inside their hearts.” Sky finished proudly.

Shadow let her tongue hang out of her mouth as she gagged melodramatically.

“Also, Fox and Shadow are the cutest couple in Equestria.” Sky added, grinning evilly behind her veil.

Shadow choked mid-gag, looking up at Sky with wide eyes.

“NOOOOOOOO!” She mouthed, flailing her hooves wildly and giving her big sister the world’s saddest, most pleading look. It was too late. She’d been exposed, so embarrassed that she was just about ready to cry. Sky knew that there’d be a reckoning for saying that in front of what looked like most of the reporters in Canterlot, but somehow that didn’t matter right now.

“Ve...very well…” The Priestess said slowly, flipping through her book and sighing. “Ah, here we are. Silver, do you take Misty to be your lawfully wedded wife, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, as long as you both shall live?”

“I do.” Silver nodded, giving Sky a sidelong smile and tilting his head a little.

“And Misty, do you…?”

“Yep!” Sky said quickly, her heart pounding from sheer nerves rather than breathless love. “I do! Yeah...definitely…”

There was a moment of silence as the entire ballroom stared daggers at Sky. Being nervous before a wedding was one thing, but this was beyond ridiculous.

“Well then…” Said the Priestess with the air of a pony who was only here for the open bar. Her horn flared, levitating two rings off of a little velvet cushion. “It gives me great pleasure to pronounce the two of you husband and wife.” Levitating the rings over to the two ponies, she slid one over Silver’s horn and the other onto Sky’s outstretched hoof. “You may now kiss the bride.”

Sky was brought back to the land of the living as she realised what was about to happen. “Wait, what?” She squeaked.

“You’re married now.” The Priestess shrugged, trotting away. “You two can kiss already.”

Silver licked his lips as he looked across at her again, reaching out toward Sky’s veil in front of everypony. She found herself unconsciously leaning away from him to prolong the inevitable, but it was no use. He came closer and closer, and in a few moments he’d unmask her in front of everypony.

“HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!”

The irate shriek echoed across the otherwise silent ballroom for a few moments, dying gradually away to nothing. As one, everypony in the ballroom turned to see who had dared interrupt such a lovely...if unorthodox...ceremony.

A light blue unicorn mare stood in the doorway, framed by sunlight as she fixed her gaze on Sky and Silver. Her face was an absolute mask of contempt.

“Just what do you think you’re doing with my stallion?” She asked, tapping her hoof.

Sky’s mouth dropped open for a moment as she stared at the interloper. Whoever this mare was, she wasn’t Misty, but she had just saved Sky’s flanks.

Might as well roll with it…

“Silver…” She said nervously. “Honey...who’s she?”

“Her?” Silver chuckled nervously, tugging at the collar of his suit. “Um...she’s...I’ve never seen her before in my life…”

“Oh, you would say that!” The mare barked, trotting huffily down the aisle and growling at the multi-millionaire. “I’m nopony, really...just the mare you’ve been going out with for months now!” She stopped only a few feet away from them, glaring at Silver. “The real question, honey, is who’s this little slut?” She gave Sky a nod, voice dripping with the bitchiest kind of venom.

“Well...er…” Silver gulped.

“Excuse you, but who are you calling a slut?” Sky narrowed her eyes, giving the mare a push. The unicorn stumbled back a few paces, caught off-guard. “At least I don’t look like some skanky little tramp who wandered in off the street.”

The mare rounded on her, shoving her back. “Who’re you calling a tramp, you dumb bitch?”

“Who’re you calling a dumb bitch, you filthy little wanker?” Sky spat back.

“Ladies, please, if we could just…” Silver said, his voice weak.

“Who are you calling wanker, you cunt?” The mare wasn’t even trying to stop herself from smiling now. Sky knew that smile all too well...and the argument had a certain deja vu to it, too.

“Who’re you calling a cunt, conehead?” Sky growled, stepping a little closer to Silver and putting her hoof around him.

“Who’re you calling a conehead, twigbody?” Rat grinned.

“Who’re you calling twigbody, saucer-hooves?” Sky giggled, unclasping the amulet around Silver’s neck and slipping it under her dress while he was distracted.

“That’s it! It’s go time, bitch!” Rat stamped, tackling Sky off of Silver and into the table laden with wedding gifts. Under the two ponies’ combined weight, along with that of all of the presents, the table simply couldn’t cope.

The assembled guests didn’t intervene, staring in horror as the most incredible catfight the high class had ever seen broke out before them. The stallions present weren’t at all complaining at the sight of two mares fighting each other, and the ladies in the audience found nothing objectionable about it, either. After all, a great many of them had long-standing vendettas against Misty or mistresses in general. It was good to see them get what they deserved.

“What took you so long?” Sky muttered, wrestling with Rat as porcelain eggs exploded all around them.

“I was looking all over the fucking city for you.” Rat grunted back, his voice far more feminine than it perhaps ought to be. “I knew you were gonna infiltrate the bridal party. I didn’t know you were gonna replace the fucking bride.”

“Hey, I got nervous, and weird shit seems to happen to me when I get drunk.” Sky said defensively, rolling onto her back and launching Rat off of her. “I had to improvise, okay?”

“Yeah, well so did I.” Rat chuckled, grabbing Sky around her midsection and tearing at the skirts of her wedding dress. “By the way, you’re out of blue coat dye, and I took one of your gender-swap darts.”

“And there was me thinking you’d stuck your nadgers in a vice to get your voice that high.” Sky giggled, crashing to the floor with Rat on top of her. She took the opportunity to glance around, checking each of the scattered presents for anything that looked like it was from Rolling Thunder.

At last, she spotted it. A neat little silver package labelled with the same monogram as Rolling Thunder’s correspondence. Sky recognised it anywhere.

Rat slammed a forehoof down onto the ground next to Sky, trying to make it look like she was horribly assaulting the erstwhile bride. Sky yelped, letting her forehooves splay out on either side and pretending to cry.

“Come...come on...bitch…” She whimpered, loud enough for everypony in the ballroom to hear. “You...you call that a pu...punch?”

As Rat drew back a hoof to “hit” Sky again, the little white pegasus reached out and grabbed the parcel, slipping it into her dress as she raised her hooves to cover her face. Rat deliberately missed again, the two mares rolling over once more so that Sky could get on top.

“I’m sorry!” She sobbed, getting to her hooves and galloping towards the exit. “I can’t be with a pony who’s so unfaithful! Goodbye, Silver!”

Rat got to her hooves as well, galloping after her. “Hey, wait a minute bitch! I’m not done with you yet!”

As the two ponies galloped out into Canterlot, heedless of the photographers begging them to slow down and make a statement, Silver was left at the altar alone. He shuffled nervously, surrounded by the most judgemental ponies in Equestria.

“Um…” He said slowly, after a while. “I...I can explain?”

Author's Notes:

Yep, Sky got married for real. Still, you know what they say about celebrity marriages, right…?