“Sis, I really don’t need this talk!” Shadow insisted, sliding backwards as she stalwartly refused to move her hooves one single inch.

“ ‘oo ‘ad!” Sky growled, yanking on Shadow’s tail as she dragged her up the hill. “ ‘e’re ‘aving a ‘alk and ‘ou’re ‘onna ‘lie i’!” She finally let go, spitting out hairs and wiping her tongue clean. “Damn, Shadow. I knew you liked the guy, but I didn’t expect to see you grinding up on him like that!”

“I wasn’t grinding up on anything, thanks very much!” Shadow retorted hotly. “You were just seeing things! I can’t stand that asshole!”

Sky looked Shadow over. The younger pony tucked her wings in a little closer, avoiding Sky’s gaze.

“You’ve been preened, you little tart!” Sky giggled, settling down next to her little sister. “Come on! There’s no way you’d let another pony do that to you unless you fancied them! Confess!”

“N...no!” Shadow yelped, backing away. “Look, he...he challenged me to a bet, okay? My hooves were tied!”

“Kinky.” Sky stuck her tongue out.

“You’re gonna get another hoofprint added to your cutie mark if you carry on with that.” Shadow warned.

“Okay, okay.” Sky held her hooves up. “Still, you know what having somepony else preen you does. You were walking right into a trap, sweetie. It’s just all a bit too convenient, you know?”

“What was I supposed to do? I couldn’t say no! I...I wasn’t thinking straight!” Shadow rubbed her temples with her fluffy little hooves, ears splaying back.

“He was distracting you, huh?” Sky smiled understandingly.

“Yeah, but in a bad way. Like, I couldn’t focus. He was so...I dunno…annoying!” Shadow flopped onto her side, groaning. Sky looked her little sister over, nuzzling her bruised belly gently.

“I know what you mean, sweetie.” She said softly. “I guess you’re just getting to that age where you start noticing colts. There’s nothing wrong with that, exactly. It’s just pretty irritating and distracting.”

“He’s the only pony besides you who doesn’t ignore me.” Shadow whispered quietly. “He’s annoying and fucking creepy, but he’s got that going for him.”

“Yeah, well that’s not always a good thing.” Sky shrugged. “Remember that one stallion I dated when I was sixteen who turned out to be an undercover cop? I mean, the first pony who notices you isn’t always the best candidate for a date, right?”

“Hey! I wasn’t thinking of dating him!” Shadow said defensively. “I just mean, you know, hanging out with him, that’s all! I don’t date ponies. Besides, he’s not smart enough to be an undercover cop.”

“Right, well it’s probably about time I gave you...you know...The Talk anyway…” Sky fiddled with her forehooves. Of course she was well-versed in all things sex, but there was something about the idea of talking over it with her little sister that was somehow daunting...not to mention infuriating.

“I think I’m good, thanks.” Shadow looked up at her sister, glaring. “I’ve had a front row seat more times than I care to mention.”

“Yeah, well, that was just watching, you know?” Sky shrugged. “I mean, that’s not like knowing the mechanics of it, or finding a perfect partner or anything like that.”

“What the fuck do you mean ‘finding a perfect partner?’” Shadow cocked her head. “The way I remember it, the only way you pick the perfect pony to have sex with is trial and error!”

“I wouldn’t call it error.” Sky giggled. “I mean, besides that one guy a month ago who wanted to experiment with food. Okay, speaking of which, the first rule of sex is this. If a pony wants to stick a can of whipped cream in your ass, you say NO, okay?”

“Sis...that’s way too much information…” Shadow buried her head in her hooves, trying to block her sister out.

“No it’s not!” Sky waved a hoof dismissively. “If you wanted way too much information, you’d ask me about my first time! Now, I don’t think it’d really be a good example for you to work off of, since it was two zebras and a donkey, but hey, fun’s fun, right?”

“Please stop…”

“Oh yeah, that’s another thing…” Sky tapped a hoof to her chin. “Always make sure your partner asks nicely first. If they’re not asking, don’t be afraid to set off your hoof crossbow into their nadgers. Trust me, nothing kills a boner like a sleep dart to the balls.”

Shadow’s ears perked. That was actually pretty sound advice that she could implement if Fox got a little too touchy-feely again…

“And of course we’d better talk about protection. Now, I don’t use it, but that’s because...well...I just don’t, okay?” Sky beamed. “You, however, are gonna have to make sure you’re safe, because nothing’s worse than being a teen mum.”

“You raised me all right…” Shadow tucked her ears back under her hooves again, curling up. This was the worst pain she’d been in since the Elements Job.

“So you’re gonna want to make sure you always have a condom on you somewhere. If your coltfriend doesn’t wanna put one on, kick him in the nads until he agrees or fucks off. Either way, you’re safe!” Sky gave a hopeful little squee. “Um...you with me so far?”

“Why can’t you just let me die…” Shadow croaked.

“Good! So when you’ve found a special somepony and you’re all prepared and everything, you’ll want to make sure he’s super-gentle with you! I mean, it’ll hurt the first time, but you’ll get past the pain eventually and start having fun!”

“Sis...I’m fourteen. I am not gonna have sex with anypony...like, ever.” Shadow put one of her oversized wings over her head, hiding it from view.

“Oh...um...really?” Sky paused, a little bit lost. She wasn’t entirely used to relationships that didn’t start and end with a wild one-night-stand.

“No! Never! I don’t even wanna think about having...you know…that stuck in me!” Shadow yelped.

“Oh...well, okay then! Wanna hear about dating?”

“Please don’t…”

“Great!” Sky beamed, ignoring her. “Well, when you see a colt that you fancy, there’s a magical little moment where your heart pretty much jumps out of your mouth! Your wings spring out and get all fluttery and you kinda wanna show them off.” Sky nodded sagely.

“Sky, I swear to Luna I will saw my wings off right now if it’ll make you shut up…” Shadow whimpered weakly.

“So when you get that special feeling, you might be feeling a whole load of different things, like confusion, anger, frustration, jealousy...you know, just like how I feel when I’m...around...Penfeather…” Sky trailed off, giving Shadow a sidelong glance.

“Is...is it over?” Shadow peeked out from under her wing.

“No...just...remembering something…” Sky smiled pleasantly, as she recalled just how badly Shadow had humiliated her in the library just a couple of days ago.

“Why...why are you looking at me like that?” Shadow asked nervously, cowering under her wing again.

“No reason.” Sky sighed happily. “Okay, I get the impression you just want this pony off of your back, yeah?”

Shadow nodded tentatively.

“Well, here’s what you’ve gotta do.” Sky crossed her forehooves, nudging Shadow with her nose. “Colts are really infamous for being basically thick, right?”

“Ri...right…”

“Well, if you want to get rid of him, then you’ve gotta confuse him. I mean, if he’s constantly wondering what your angle is, then he’s gonna think it’s too much like hard work and give up, right?”

Shadow peeked out from between her nice tidy primaries, meeting Sky’s earnest, friendly smile with a look of distrust. “Okaaaaay…”

“Well, if you want to confuse the fuck out of him, you ought to just give him a bunch of flowers and not tell him why. Trust me, it’ll really fox him.” Sky grinned, nodding confidently.

“It’ll really fo...oh, fuck you sis.” Shadow hid under her hooves again. “That was terrible.”

“Maybe, but the point is that he’ll be surprised, confused and scared, especially after you’ve been so...you know...bitchy towards him.” Sky beamed. “He’ll be wondering what the hell you’re up to for ages, trust me!”

“And...and that’ll make him leave me alone?” Shadow asked.

“Almost definitely.” Sky nodded. “If he’s persistent, come back to me and we’ll work out another plan to get him to see sense. Trust me, I’m a professional.”

“A professional what, exactly?” Shadow glared at Sky, unconvinced.

“A professional concerned big sister, of course!” Sky replied as innocently as possible. “Don’t worry Shadow, I’ve got your back! Sisters forever, remember?”

“Ri…right.” Shadow nodded, smiling timidly. “So...what, do I just throw the flowers at him and run off, or what?”

“Well, you might want to scream something at him, like “These are for you!” or something like that.” Sky shrugged. “Don’t forget to do that and then fly away before he can say anything. Remember, us mares have gotta maintain our mystique, right?”

“Says the pony who lifts her tail for anyone who gives her a second glance. Do you even have any mystique anymore?”

“I’ve got a dark and edgy backstory…” Sky shrugged. “Is that any good?”

“I dunno, does it attract ponies?” Shadow asked curiously.

“Well, I get laid a lot and I never really tell it to anypony, so I guess not.” Sky sighed, disappointed. “So, do you think you could try confusing Fox, then? Do you reckon it’d help?”

“Yeah, I’ll give it a try.” Shadow smiled, shuffling closer and resting her head on Sky’s forelegs. “Thanks, sis. I owe you one.”

“Aw, don’t worry about it, sweetie. It was my pleasure.” Sky whispered, nuzzling her little sister and pushing her hood back. Shadow’s hazel-coloured mane caught the moonlight, her eyes practically lighting up as she looked up at her sister.

“Just remember that you can always share your feelings with me, especially if they’re really making you uncomfortable, okay?” Sky added.

“Okay, but look...don’t go telling Rat or anypony about this, okay?” Shadow looked up at her sister. “I don’t want this getting back to Fox.”

“You’ve got it.” Sky nodded, winking. “You know I can keep quiet when I need to, sweetie. I can keep a secret for you.”

“Right...that means no yelling things about me when you’re...you know…” Shadow barely whispered the word “orgasming.”

Sky hesitated, biting her lip. “What, really?”

Shadow’s eyes widened. “Wait...is that seriously something you do?”

“N...no!”

”Sis!”

“No! I don’t do it, I swear!” Sky shook her head. “Look, I don’t...well...it’s not necessarily about you, it’s just...you know...little stuff…”

“Like the collection of nice dresses you’ve got hidden in the mmmph!” Shadow began. Sky casually shoved a hoof into her mouth, nodding calmly.

“Exactly.” She said quietly. “Stuff that we don’t say in public otherwise ponies might know my dark and terrible secret, and we wouldn’t want that, would we?”

“Mmmph mph mmph!”

“Exactly.” Sky pulled her hoof out of Shadow’s mouth, grinning. “See, we keep each other’s secrets and take good care of each other, right?”

“Ri...right…” Shadow gasped, giggling and snuggling up to her sister. “I dunno what the hell I did to get a sister like you, but I...guess I’m okay with it...I mean, you’ll do.”

“Yeah, I love you too, kid.” Sky chuckled, kissing Shadow on the forehead.

There was a snapping sound as somepony nearby stood on a twig. Sky and Shadow both perked their ears as one, suddenly very alert indeed.

What they saw was a couple staring at them like they didn’t know what the hell they’d walked in on, watching the two ponies with a look that could only be described as confused and slightly scared.

“What’s the matter?” Sky asked. “Haven’t you guys ever seen two ponies hanging out before?”

“Yeah, piss off, you two!” Shadow waved them away dismissively. “I’ve got a pony to hug, assholes!”

The two ponies kept their eyes fixated on Sky as they backed away, returning to the path and trotting away across the park.

“I hate it when ponies do that.” Shadow shook her head. “I dunno why they only seem to see me when I’m all snuggled up to you. When I’m all alone, I might as well be invisible.”

“The world’s a stupid place full of stupid ponies, sweetie.” Sky whispered, holding her little sister close. “It’s not easy being a filly in a world like that, but don’t worry. Someday you’re gonna be free and safe and I bet you’re gonna be everypony’s favourite mare. In the meantime, I’ll keep you safe. You’ve got a big sister watching your back.”

“And you’ve got a little sister watching yours.” Shadow smiled back. Her voice dropped in volume, only a hair’s breadth above a whisper. “I...love you, sis.”

“I love you too, Shadow.” Sky kissed her on the cheek, giving her one last squeeze. “Now, how about we go find the boys and work out how we’re gonna catch that courier?”

Shadow looked up at Sky with a great big enthusiastic smile on her face. In spite of all of those bruises she was still raring to go. You really couldn’t keep that filly down.

“That sounds like a great idea.”