The Dusty Letters of Luna’s Fluttershy

“Some fall in love to complete themselves, like a puzzle. Maybe I’m the same way, but I don’t think I am. I think I fell in love because I was broken, and I needed someone to put me back together”—Fluttershy, in her last letter to Applejack.

When tragedy struck, and Fluttershy was forced to leave Ponyville only two days later, she had hope, despite her life falling apart around her. As time went on, that hope dwindled, and she started to ask questions she didn’t have the courage to answer.

With the help of Luna, life would go on. It had to. Then the letters started coming, and so began Fluttershy’s tragic adventure to understand what it truly means to lose everything.

Her Friend

“This ain’t real...” said Applejack.

It was pouring at the train station.

Two ponies stood side by side, alone on the platform. The storm was calm. There was no wind or thunder, nor was there lightning or any distraction from the solemn ponies’ reveries. It was the perfect storm of storms, and they stood in the middle of it. The rain was warm and thick on their coats.

They watched it fall. They felt it fall.

“This ain’t real...” she said again.

Fluttershy wondered if Applejack would ever say anything else again. She was a broken record.

She had been for two days now.

“Gosh darnit—this ain’t real!” she said, stamping her hoof.

Fluttershy remained silent. While Applejack was a broken record, Fluttershy just felt broken.

She had been for two days now.

Her eyes were glazed over and puffy, her hooves dragged with each step, and her mane and tail were flat and dull. She looked like she was on the brink of tears constantly, mostly because she was.

She stared at the forest near her home from her spot on the platform. It was far off, but she could still see the treeline. It was both comforting and empty. It was comforting because of its emptiness. If she looked anywhere else she’d remember something and start crying or laughing or feeling again.

And she was tired of feeling.

Had she looked to her left, she would have seen the train approaching. It would have approached in the exact same way it had every time before. Fluttershy had never taken the train until she met her friends, and now the station had become a place of adventure and togetherness. She’d wait with the girls and then it’d whisk them off to their next adventure.

And they would go together.

Had Fluttershy looked to her right, she would have remembered a bittersweet memory of coming to see Rarity after she had run away from a date.

Rarity had been crying on the bench of the station, her new dress dirty and damp. She was on her way to the restaurant when a passing carriage and a mud puddle conspired to ruin her night. A splash later and the fashionista was ‘completely unpresentable’. This led to an existential crisis for the poor mare—she could either show up to a five star restaurant looking like a ruffian, show up a half-hour late, or cry at the train station until someone came by to make her feel better.

Rainbow Dash had found her, and knowing she wasn’t the best suited for talking about ‘feeling stuff’, had subsequently found Fluttershy to talk to her instead. Rainbow Dash had also made it a point to teach that carriage driver a ‘lesson’ by promptly stealing his wheels and hiding them.

Fluttershy decided to spend the rest of the night with her, doing what she wanted to do; which would most likely have included gossiping, makeovers, and talking fashion.

What followed was an act of courtesy by the gentlecolt that seemed as unorthodox as it was touching. They found him waiting at her doorstep, hollering her name and asking if she was okay. It was Rarity’s reputation as a lady to never be late for anything. Only catastrophe could keep her from a high-society function.

Upon seeing her, he looked as relieved as he did worried. Rarity’s makeup was running, and she was covered head to hoof in dirt. In a moment of haziness, he ran to them and turned his befuddlement to Fluttershy.

Questions had been answered, anxieties had been laid to rest, and they even shared a few laughs. Another date was made and immediately began on the spot. Maybe it wasn’t Rarity’s style, but she certainly had enough fun on her date out in the meadows watching the stars.

Fluttershy went home, glad she had been there for her friend.

Any other time, she would have loved to remember and share that memory with a close friend like Applejack, but now, it would have made her laugh, then cry, and then miss her friend. And she would feel empty again, and the grief would make her sick.

For the first time in two days, she’d managed to forget—not of her friends and if they were there or not, because that was already the surreality she couldn’t believe. No, she had finally forgotten herself.

So, Fluttershy kept her eyes on the treeline.

The train came to a stop. Amidst the rain and steam, the mist nearly covered the platform. Two earth coloured stallions and a prim, haughty mare stepped off. She was a flat rose pink with a violet mane and tail.

“It’s raining?!” whined the mare loudly. “No pony ever said it would be raining! Jack, my umbrella.”

Fluttershy tried to ignore her.

“Dearest me!” she said directly to Fluttershy. “Are you two just standing out in the rain?”

One of the stallions popped open an umbrella open and gave it to her. “Here you are, Stella,” said Jack to the mare.

“Thank you, Jack. Could you also fetch my extra umbrellas?” asked Stella. “Make sure this pegasus and her friend are properly covered.”

Fluttershy couldn’t ignore her. She was too much like a pony she knew.

She tried to look away, but doing so made her turn her head to the right. There she saw the bench and the accompanying memory. It made her happy, and she stifled a laugh with sadness.

“H-how g-generous...” stammered Fluttershy. “Th-th-thank y—”

That was all she managed to say before it overwhelmed her. She fell to the ground, broken, her mind only on Rarity. It began again, the cycle of sadness, anger, and fond remembrance, as did the guilt. She knew it was selfish to forget her pain. Her friend deserved to be mourned and remembered. How could she just pretend that nothing had happened, when everything had happened?

The mare turned her head and looked at the ground instead of Fluttershy. It was easy to see that the mare was one of higher society; the kind of mare that put on airs and was in constant pursuit of gracefulness, if not achieving it constantly.

Yet she was speechless and her lip trembled.

There was no look of alienation or disgust on her face, nor was there superiority or curiosity. Maybe she understood. Or maybe she was just that perplexed. Whatever it was, she paused for a long moment, pensively watching the pegasus.

“You’re very welcome,” she said, her tone seemingly unfazed by the outburst. “Stay indoors, Darling. You’ll catch a cold.”

The mare left for the station door.

“Don’t leave me, Rarity!” cried Fluttershy.

She stopped dead in her tracks.

“I wish I could stay for you, but I have my own tragedies to attend to,” she said.

The pink and violet mare left, her two companions trailing her closely with her luggage.

Fluttershy turned to Applejack, a beautiful smile on her face. It was the sort of smile that would ‘make angels weep’, as Rarity would say. Her face was all scrunched up, her lips were pursed, and her eyes were narrowed.

Smiling, but on the verge of tears.

“I miss her so much, Applejack. I just called a complete stranger 'Rarity',” said Fluttershy.

“Yeah, Ah saw that,” said Applejack, returning the smile. “She was real sweet though.”

There was a silence.

Fluttershy started laughing.

“It’s kind of like that one time when we were in Cloudsdale and I flew up behind that one pegasus, thinking it was Rainbow Dash, and hugged them,” she said. “I was so embarrassed.”

Applejack laughed, too.

“Ain’t yer fault. Ah mean, how many pegasi have rainbow coloured manes? He was a real sweetheart though, offerin’ to buy you lunch and everything,” she said. After their laughter died down, she spoke again. “How did things go with him anyway?”

Fluttershy blushed. “I mean, he just lived so far away. Even with Rarity giving me lessons and coaching me, it was too hard...”

They let that last line trail off. There was a thoughtful silence.

That was when a unicorn from the hospital levitated out a tented bed. On it, Twilight lay asleep peacefully. Her nose wrinkled and a smile curled over her face. Fluttershy couldn’t help but think how lucky she was to be so completely oblivious to everything. Twilight was there smiling without a care in the world. She didn’t know about Rarity, and because of that she was both better and worse off than all of them.

Fluttershy almost hoped she didn’t wake up. She wouldn’t wish such heartache on anybody.

“Be strong,” said Applejack finally, her voice cracking a bit.

Fluttershy swallowed hard and nodded. There was still some thoughtfulness left in her, but Applejack was quickly turning it into another breakdown.

“Twi’ needs ya, and if she’s ever alone—” Applejack choked down a few sobs. She closed her eyes and composed herself. “If she’s ever alone, so help me, I will never forgive you.”

That sounded like a threat, but Fluttershy knew it was anything but. It was passion driven by not knowing what to feel, and feeling everything at once. She started to cry once more. The situation was getting messy again, and if Fluttershy didn’t leave soon, they’d both be pathetic messes on the ground.

“I won’t,” said Fluttershy. “As long as you promise to visit Rarity every day.” She paused. Her stance grew as stiff and rigid as it could. Her voice cleared. She wanted to speak with authority, and nearly accomplished that. “A-and y-you find Rainbow, got that, little missy?” she said.

Applejack was crying harder. “And when Twi wakes up, you feed her, you hug her, you do whatever she wants.”

The train would leave in a few minutes, and Fluttershy wouldn’t want to keep other passengers waiting because she was too busy crying and saying goodbye. It wasn’t looking good, though. She was on her last shred of will, and in less than two minutes, she’d be inconsolable.

The train whistle sounded, alerting the platform to its departure. Applejack heard it and looked to the sky as though it was about to fall.

“Fluttershy. Every week. You write me. Got it? Things are gonna get crazy and I want you to tell me everything,” said Applejack. “I’ll tell you everything that happens here the second it happens. We are not going to drift apart.”

And now Fluttershy had become inconsolable again. She couldn’t believe how lucky she was to have Applejack’s courage and bravery in such a dismal situation. At least she would always have her.

“...O-okie...” she squeaked.

“I love you, Sugar,” said Applejack, giving her a firm hug.

Fluttershy muttered something under the cover of her heart-wrenching sobs. She fell to the floor with her face in her hooves, becoming a soaking wet mess of sorrow, tears, and rain.

Every time she’d taken the train, she’d done so with all her friends. Now she was to board it with only one. Twilight was already onboard, waiting for her. They were going to go to Canterlot to get her help, and Fluttershy would never leave her. She knew in her heart she wouldn’t come back without Twilight.

And she wanted nothing more than to come back.

Fluttershy wasn’t sure how she had gotten on the train, but when she came to her senses, she realized she’d been moved to a private car with only the unicorn nurse and Twilight. The nurse was busy reading by a small lamp in the otherwise dim room. Twilight was still sleeping on her bed.

Upon noticing Fluttershy’s awakening, the nurse put her book down and wore a warm but thoughtful smile.

“My name is Lily,” said the nurse. “And if you need anything at all, I’m going to be here looking after your friend until we get to Canterlot.”

Fluttershy hacked out the last of her sobs and looked up at Lily.

Lily was a proper looking pony with a pearly white coat, amethyst eyes, and a baby blue mane and tail. She looked bright and cheerful by nature, which seemed to conflict with the somber mood.

Fluttershy had been curled up into a ball, laying tensely on her side. She tried to relax, embarrassed to be behaving so childishly and mewling all over the floor. She knew Lily wasn’t judging her, but still, it wasn’t something a lady would do. So she tried to compose herself.

Rarity had always said she was a lady.

“I—Thank you,” said Fluttershy, not knowing what else to say. Already, everything was starting to feel like a dream again.

“You’re doing the right thing, coming with your friend. She’ll have the best care that all of Equestria has to offer, but it wouldn’t mean a thing without a loving friend at her side.”

A smile curled across Fluttershy’s face. Whoever Lily was, she knew how to say the right thing.

“If nothing else, there is no better medicine than a friend at your side to bring you back home.”

Lily brushed Twilight’s mane gently, watching her like a mother watches her child. A certain protective instinct surfaced in Fluttershy’s mind. She didn’t like that Lily was touching Twilight, but ultimately dismissed it.

“I mean, the princesses want to take care of her personally. This here is a special little pony,” said Lily.

Fluttershy wiped her nose and tried to straighten her mane. She sort of detested how much of a mess she must have looked like. The sort of emotional daze she felt after a good, long cry left her head spinning. She almost felt normal again, whatever normal was anymore. She swayed a bit in her sitting position.

“Do you know her?” asked Fluttershy.

“I um—I don’t,” replied Lily simply.

Fluttershy stood up and walked over to Twilight. “Oh—Her name is Twilight Sparkle.”

Lily nodded knowingly. “That’s a very pretty name.”

There was a silence between them. Fluttershy didn’t know what else to talk about, or if there was something she should be talking about. Lily just gave her a considerate look, and immediately Fluttershy became uncomfortable.

Was Lily waiting for her to say something? Was there something she was supposed to say or ask? She was accompanying her friend on a medical emergency to a hospital, so maybe she should be talking about medical records or something. Fluttershy had also just lost a friend. Could Lily want to comfort her or talk about that? A lump grew in her throat.

Every second Fluttershy stalled, Lily’s considerate look grew more and more worried, upset even. What did she want? What do ponies say to a nurse when their friend is in a coma?

She didn’t know. Instead, Fluttershy turned her attention to Twilight, looking at her and holding her hoof in her own. She’d mourn like she’d seen other ponies do before, sitting at their loved one’s bedside, waiting.

She didn’t feel any great desire to do so, other than to distract herself with something other than the dying conversation. Lily wouldn’t talk to her if she looked thoughtful and recollective.

“Well, if you need anything, I’ll be here the entire time,” said Lily, picking her book back up.

Fluttershy nodded in acknowledgement.

Over the course of the train ride, Fluttershy didn’t falter from her position for a second. She held Twilight’s hoof, watched her face twitch every so often, and periodically stroked her mane.

She cried most of the time. When she wasn’t crying, she was smiling, and when she wasn’t crying or smiling, she was doing everything in her power to do neither. She tried to bottle it in, but failed every time. At first, she didn’t want to break down yet again in front of Lily, but after a while, she stopped caring. It didn’t matter what Lily thought. She was just a nurse doing her job.

Despite her kind words and practiced thoughtfulness, she didn’t legitimately care about Twilight, not like Fluttershy did.

She came to resent Lily and her book. How could she be reading at a time like this? How could she still be normal after so much had happened? Did she not see the unicorn right in front of her who hadn’t woken up for three days now?

Fluttershy stayed with Twilight the entire time. She desperately wanted to get something to drink, and even worse, use the bathroom, but she didn’t want to leave her alone with Lily. That would have been selfish of her, to leave her friend alone with a stranger while she relieved herself. How could she deserve any sort of relief when her friend was in such a condition?

So she stayed with Twilight.

The train arrived in Canterlot a few hours later. The princesses, Celestia and Luna, were there waiting for them.

It was overcast in the capital. The clouds weren’t dark and daunting, but flat and dreary. There was a foreign chill in the air that made Fluttershy's joints ache. It felt like she’d arrived at a cold place she’d never been before. She’d visited Canterlot many times in the past, but something felt off about it. Maybe it was just the mild sickness that was starting to catch up with her. She’d heard the phrase ‘sick with grief’ before, but had never understood how literal it was until now. Her stomach was rolling on itself, she had a headache, and despite only being the early afternoon, she already wanted to go to bed.

Fluttershy exited the train looking about three times worse than when she boarded it. Behind her was the floating bed and Lily. Celestia and Luna were standing right there on the platform. A company of guards were with them, standing steadfast and dauntless.

Fluttershy honestly expected no less and was happy that Twilight was receiving the royal attention that she deserved.

The expression on Celestia’s face was that of perfect, practiced concern. It was the same expression she wore every time something tragic happened. A nation wasn’t always a happy place. Sometimes tragedy struck, and the monarch needed to be ready to address it in a way that appeared genuine. Fluttershy was sure that Celestia had a heart of her own under the facade, but she probably wouldn’t see it until they were behind closed doors.

Luna was the contrary in every aspect. Upon seeing Fluttershy, there was an expression of mixed heartache and empathy on her face. She looked like she wanted to understand with all her heart why Fluttershy looked the way she did—a mess of a broken pony.

Upon seeing Twilight, she became grave and solemn.

“Your Majesties,” said Fluttershy with a shaky bow.

Luna was the first to respond.

“Nay, Fluttershy, thou needest not bow to us,” she said.

“Okay,” she replied, getting up.

Celestia didn’t acknowledge the awkward exchange. Instead, her trained grief gave way to focus. She scrutinized Twilight from her regal stance. She searched and saw curious things. They must have been the sorts of things only the most magical pony in the world could see and know what to make of. After a few seconds, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

“Captain,” she said to one of the guards. A stallion that wasn’t Shining Armor came forward. “Let the Sparkle family know that Twilight has made it here safely, but tell them that they will not be allowed to visit her until we’ve stabilized her condition. That is all.”

He saluted, and a half dozen guards followed him out of the station.

Celestia spoke to Luna out of the corner of her mouth. “Sister, take Twilight to your observatory and order a medical staff there.”

“My observatory?” asked Luna, seeming to misunderstand the statement.

“Yes, this isn’t a coma. She’s dreaming, and whether this is benign or something darker, the first step will be to learn of what she’s been afflicted with,” explained Celestia distantly.

Luna’s momentary puzzlement turned to the same focus that Celestia had displayed just a moment before. Her eyes began to widen as though she were seeing something terrifying that no one else could see. She closed her eyes and exhaled a deep breath.

“Y-you’re—Thou art correct,” she stammered, looking winded and shocked.

“Then it goes without saying. She will be in your care. I have a few things I must gather, but I’ll join you shortly.”

Luna nodded to her sister and then gave a nod to Lily before taking the bed in her own levitation. The majority of the guards left with Luna. Fluttershy hadn’t known what to make of the exchange. She was barely aware of her surroundings as it was, passing between memories, mindlessness, and catharsis constantly.

“Go with Luna and Twilight,” said Celestia to Fluttershy. “I apologize for the absence of our usual pleasantry, but from the brief description of her condition I received, I could only imagine so many possibilities. Now that I see her, I imagine far more.”

“D-do you know w-what’s wrong with her?” said Fluttershy with a cracked, broken voice that surprised both of them. She broke down again, and unlike every time before, she didn’t know why. She hadn’t remembered anything particularly heartbreaking, but it just spilled out anyway. She fell to the ground.

Celestia was surprised, maybe even shocked. She was speechless for a moment, just as that mare at the train station had been.

“Corporal,” said Celestia finally to one of the remaining guards. “Please escort Miss Fluttershy to the Royal Foreign Dignitaries Suite in the west wing. See that she has something to eat, and is given anything else she desires. I will fly myself back to the castle. That is all.” Not once did Celestia make eye contact with Fluttershy, despite the little pony looking up at her constantly. She flared her magnificent wings and took to the air.

The dash of air from her takeoff ruffled Fluttershy’s mane and tail. She looked up, her crying fit seemingly over. The corporal, an older grey pegasi, approached her. He wore a warm smile. Behind him were four other guards.

“We’re at your command,” he said with a smile and slight bow. His voice was smooth, with a hint of gravel and the pitch of a baritone. It was possibly one of the most relaxing voices she’d ever heard.

Nothing about his tone was slight or terse, but she had a feeling that he looked down upon her, like she was something that needed constant care and couldn’t be left alone for a second. Indeed, from her lying position, he was looking down at her, and maybe she couldn’t be left alone, but that wasn’t the point.

The point was that he didn’t know what she was going through. He was another pony who was practiced, not genuine.

“M-my command?” The words seemed strange as they rolled off her tongue.

He simply nodded.

“Aren’t you supposed to take me to my room?”

“Only if that is what you desire,” he said, slightly dipping his head as though tipping an invisible hat at her. “Would you like to go there now?”

“No, I’m hungry. I—I want ice cream,” she said without thinking.

Despite Fluttershy’s expectation, he showed no surprise or disdain for her order. He just smiled at her. Two of the ponies behind him snickered, one of them rolled their eyes, and the last was indifferent.

“Well, you heard the lady, gents,” said the corporal without breaking eye contact with Fluttershy. “Do any of you know of the best place to get ice cream in our fine city?”

Canterlot was, and had always been, the cultural epicenter of Equestria. The majority of the great artists and scholars throughout history had gathered and collaborated in the capital, bringing their various forms of art with them in full, refined force. Because of this, the finest of all the faculties of both modern and traditional life were available due to the sheer romance the city inspired.

This meant the ice cream she had would arguably be the best in the world. It was Canterlot ice cream made only by those dedicated enough to create excellence. All things considered, it was. It was the best ice cream she’d ever had.

In fact, it was the best thing she’d ever eaten.

She cried a little as she ate it, drawing the curious and judging looks of the other, more finely groomed patrons. They whispered the same words, and in those words was the full spectrum of concern.

”What’s wrong with her?”

She didn’t care, though. She was eating the best ice cream in the world, and it made her so happy she wanted to cry. She already looked like she hadn’t slept in a week, so what did it matter?

She continued to cry silently, and crying made it taste even better.

“This is really good, Lance,” said Fluttershy to the corporal, sniffling up a spittle of mucus. That might have been the understatement of the century. The ice cream was far from just ‘good’. She was already on her second serving.

“You like it that much, eh?” said Lance, his smile never fading.

“Oh yes, I love it!” she exclaimed louder than she originally intended. The other patrons paused for a moment and cringed.

“Well, chances are me and my boys will be assigned as your personal guard for the duration of your stay. We might be able to get out of the castle long enough to come pick some ice cream up if you ever find yourself craving it,” he said.

“Oh, no. I wouldn’t want to be a burden,” said Fluttershy. “I’ll be able to take care of myself.”

His smile faded. He leaned in, and Fluttershy leaned in too. The other guards glanced at them, but kept to themselves.

“Fluttershy,” he said in a conspiratorial voice. “I take it you’ve never stayed in the castle for any extended period of time.”

“No,” she said with an accompanying shake of her head.

“It’s different. I need to warn you—And I'm only telling you because I’ve seen it happen enough times to know this will help keep you sane,” he said. “Castle life isn’t what you think it is. One loses himself inside that castle. Strange things happen there so often, you’ll think them normal, and simple things like going out and getting ice cream will seem impossible.”

Fluttershy’s eyes grew wide. “Th-they will?” she stammered, her mouth half-full of ice cream.

“The Royal Palace of Canterlot is a convergence of the most powerful, and misunderstood, ponies, artifacts, and spells in existence. Now, I’m not trying to scare you, I’m just trying to make sure you’re not going into this blind. The magic that happens behind those walls will make real life seem... distant. And if you’re not careful, you’ll fall straight out of it. If you have any friends you’re even thinking about sending letters to, I’d suggest doing it. It’ll keep you anchored in reality.”

Fluttershy’s face scrunched up. She was already crying, but if she hadn’t been, now would have been a good time to start. She turned back to her little bowl of ice cream and ate some. It tasted even better than before.

The corporal had unknowingly suggested that she write all her friends, plural. It was a gesture of respect. How could such a nice little pony not have more than one friend? Yet, when she thought of all the friends she could write to, just one came to mind, and she had already promised to write her as often as possible. It was probably the first thing she’d do when she was finally alone.

He didn’t mean to, but he’d reminded her of just how alone she’d be if things didn’t get better.

He reached out with his hoof. She let him take her hoof in his own. He wore a worried look.

“I’m sorry. I—I didn’t mean to scare you. I just want you to be safe.”

She cried harder and the ice cream tasted better. She missed Applejack. Already, it felt like that departure from Ponyville had been a lifetime ago, and she wanted to go home. She didn’t want to be eating this weird, strangely delicious ice cream, she didn’t want to watch over her friend in a coma, and she certainly didn’t want to go to the scary castle life that awaited her.

But she was going to do all those things. Already it felt like she was stuck in the unreality of ‘castle life’.

She wanted to wake up from this horrible nightmare. She wanted her friends back. She wanted to go home.

She’d wanted these things for two days now.

Her room was nice, splendidly decorated with historical artwork showcasing the world-moving culture of Canterlot over the centuries. It was a show of power for the wealthy foreign visitors. She even recognized some of the artwork herself. There must have been five hundred-thousand bits worth of artwork sitting on her walls, but she didn’t care. She was tired, and nothing would keep her from sleep, not even the guilt of not having been by Twilight’s side for three hours now.

The guilt felt like a war inside her. Her heart was fighting to spend every moment by Twilight, where she belonged, her body was fighting to stay alive, and her mind hadn’t known what to think for a long time now. She didn’t know who to listen to anymore.

Lance had shown her her room. All of her luggage was already there waiting for her. She hadn’t bothered unpacking, though. That could wait. Since she was going to put off visiting Twilight even longer, she had made writing Applejack her concession.

On the desk were a complementary stack of blank letters.

From: Fluttershy

To: Applejack

Two days after the death of Rarity.

Dear Applejack,

What happens if Twilight doesn’t wake up? What am I going to do if she doesn’t?

I think she will. I hope she will. It’s all I can think about. All today, those have been the two thoughts on my mind. What’s even worse is that whenever I think them, they don’t feel real. None of this does. When I was on the train, that nurse was in the car with me and Twilight. She was sweet and nice, but at one point she touched Twilight. She just casually brushed her mane. I don’t know what was wrong with me, but I wanted to slap her hoof away.

Then I got momentarily separated from Twilight as Luna took her to her room with the doctors. Instead of following her, I went and got ice cream with the guards that were assigned to protect me. It was so weird. I’ve never eaten something that tasted that good ever, and I cried the whole time.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I want it to stop.

Needless to say, I made it to Canterlot and met with the princesses. They were all there when I got off the train. Luna and Celestia were waiting for us with an army of guards.

I know Celestia can make her wake up. The second Twilight got off the train, Celestia pretty much knew instantly what was wrong with her. She kind of just looked at her and could tell, I guess. You said you wanted to hear everything that happened as soon as I knew, so here’s what I think is happening. Twilight is dreaming about something, or something is making her dream; a magic of some sort. That’s what Celestia said, at least. And because of her dream magic, Luna is taking care of her.

I know I shouldn’t, but I have a lot of hope. It feels weird to think, looks even weirder to write, but I have hope.

For the first time in what’s felt like a lifetime, I think it might all turn out okay. Luna is the perfect pony to help Twilight. She’ll wake up and I’ll get to leave this scary castle. I don’t like it here, and I want to come home.

If you can tell me anything about Rainbow Dash, I need to know. If you’ve already sent a letter explaining that, sorry. I just really need to hear from you. I feel like I’m going crazy.

I miss you.

Love,

Fluttershy

Fluttershy had gone straight from sending the letter to collapsing on her bed. Her exhaustion was complete. The second she hit the bed, she felt like dead weight. All things considered, she was dead weight. She wasn’t about to start questioning the worth of her own life, but she could certainly see herself doing that in the future. If things didn’t get better, she’d wear out.

She fell asleep wondering if ‘getting better’ was even possible.

Fluttershy woke up in the middle of the night to strange howling and moaning. It sounded like it came from someone in the room next to hers.

The cries were nonsensical, babble even. Yet something about them seemed troubled, afraid, like cries for help. Someone was in danger.

The castle’s peaceful silence was broken by these cries of intrusion and malice. Fluttershy froze in her bed, the warmth draining from her. What was even more disturbing than the sudden fear was the pony who was screaming in the first place.

Celestia’s cries turned to frantic sobs.

Fluttershy became panicked, jolting awake. She wondered if anyone else could hear Celestia. She wondered why Celestia was in the room next to hers. She wondered if she should do something.

Then Fluttershy heard calm voices. They sounded like the guards. Guards kept ponies safe, so if they weren’t stressed then that meant Celestia was safe. Yet, Celestia was still screaming. Fluttershy perked a curious ear, and tried to hear through the wailing.

“Again?” said one guard.

“What do you think we should do?” said the second guard.

“The captain said to leave her alone.”

“Yeah, but I heard from Lance that she suffers from memory loss following her panic attacks.”

The first guard sounded intrigued. “Really?”

“Yeah.”

“How come I don’t think you’re suggesting we just draw a moustache on her face?”

“Because I’m not.”

Fluttershy’s heart sank again. This wasn’t real, but somehow it felt more real than her life as it had been. She wasn’t sure what compelled her to do so, but she quickly got out of bed and stepped out her door into the candlelit hall. Before her were the two guards.

“No need for alarm, Milady,” said one guard smoothly upon seeing Fluttershy. “The princess here is just having a night terror. Happens all the time.”

“Does she have short term memory loss following the episodes?” said Fluttershy as bluntly as she could. She was angry, yet wasn’t entirely sure why. Her body seemed to be acting on its own. “And did you suggest drawing a moustache on her face, or something else?”

The previously smooth guard was left speechless. Fluttershy smirked.

“Probably not,” she spat. “I want to be taken to wherever my friend is staying, but I’m afraid of the dark, so I’ll need you two to come with me.”

Fluttershy woke up at Twilight’s side. She was still holding her friend’s hoof. The morning sun was directly in her eyes. She used her free hoof to help shield them from the glare.

“How did I get here?” she muttered groggily to herself.

“You waltzed in around 2 A.M. with a couple of guards,” said Luna from behind her.

Fluttershy looked around the room. She was in what she assumed to be Luna’s observatory. The floors were jet black onyx. There wasn't a continuous wall, but instead a series of arches and pillars encircled the room. The leaves of the plants outside the room moved faintly in the wind, yet the air inside didn’t move. Above them was magic glass dome that filtered the day's light, leaving only the night sky above.

In the pillars, shelves had been carved out for books. A few crescent moon-shaped desks sat at the edges of the space, littered with instruments, parchment and open books. In the center of the room was Luna’s bed, and at the foot of that was Twilight’s.

Luna had been sitting at one of the cleaner desks with a coffee mug. Now, she had turned around, and was looking at Fluttershy.

“You’re quite dedicated to your friend,” she added reflectively. “That is admirable.”

“I—Yeah—I felt really bad for not seeing her yesterday,” said Fluttershy.

“No, you needed a break. You’re a good friend, and by virtue of being a good friend, you’ll never feel like you’re doing enough,” said Luna. “And seeing you yesterday broke my heart. How long has it been since you’ve taken some time to groom yourself?”

“Two days,” she admitted.

“I’d suggest taking care of that. There is a bathroom just down the hall that you can use.”

Fluttershy hesitated, looking down at Twilight. She didn’t want to leave her now that she was right there. Luna must have been able to tell, because she seemed to read her mind perfectly.

“She probably wouldn’t have appreciated a grimy friend before, and I don’t think she’d appreciate one now. She’ll be alright, so go take a nice long shower.”

She’d forgotten how therapeutic being clean was. It held a certain healing quality to it, like the beginning of a new day. Going from being dirty to being clean gave her a fresh perspective on everything; the chance of change for the better to happen. She left the shower thinking thoughts she knew she shouldn’t have. What if she got to go home today or tomorrow?

It might be as easy as Luna simply casting a counter spell on Twilight. Magic regularly had such exchanges. There was a spell, and then there was a spell that made that one stop working, and all someone needed to know was the name of the first spell.

When she walked back into the observatory, Luna was gone.

The first thought Fluttershy had was one of anger. How dare anyone leave Twilight alone? She was completely helpless. Anyone could have walked in and done something horrible to her. Almost like she was making a point in an argument, Fluttershy angrily pulled a cushion up next to her friend and plopped herself down at her side. There should always be a pony at her side.

Always.

By the end of the fifth day with Twilight, Fluttershy had used up the last ounce of her willpower.

She’d spent five long days in that room alone. Luna had not once come back since that first morning. Her meals were brought to her, and left on the ground at the door. There would be a knock, and no matter how fast Fluttershy answered it, she never saw who brought it. Whenever she woke up, the room had been miraculously cleaned of garbage and dirty plates. No one came to visit. It was just her and Twilight.

And all the time in the world to think.

Her existence was contained between that room and the shower. She didn’t venture any further than that. She told herself it was because she couldn’t leave Twilight, but she knew there was another reason.

She was afraid.

Between the nightly howling of Celestia and the ghosts that kept her fed and cleaned the room, Fluttershy was scared. No, she was terrified. Things happened that she couldn’t see. Her friend was dying at her side and everyone seemed to have forgotten. Fluttershy thought about trying to feed Twilight her own food, and clumsily tried once. That made a mess, and she ended up having to carry Twilight’s dead weight to the shower and groom her herself. In the middle of it Fluttershy had a mental breakdown and almost caused Twilight to drown.

What was worse was that Fluttershy’s heart nearly leaped out of her chest when Twilight started coughing water back up. Unfortunately, it was a reflex and not a miracle. Looking back, she felt guilty and stupid for that dumb assumption. She just wanted so desperately to have her friend back, to have someone to talk to, any tiny semblance of something normal, that she risked Twilight's life.

It had sounded like she was waking up, coming back to life. Had she woken up right then, Fluttershy probably would have lost all control, weeping with happiness. It would have even been funny, the answer to Twilight's ailment being to almost drown her.

Upon realizing Twilight was not waking back up, Fluttershy blacked out from a combination of heartache, stress, and crushing doubt. She was in the shower, dragging her comatose friend around in an attempt to clean her, not having heard anything from anypony for the last five days, and spending most of her time crying. It was a mercy to have forgotten that specific combination of emotions all mixing together.

Thankfully, she hadn’t remembered that her last thoughts were of trying to make Twilight drown again, if only to pretend that she was alive for a little longer.

She woke up on Luna’s bed, her heart beginning to pound. She immediately looked to see Twilight peacefully sleeping on her bed, and leapt out to see if she was breathing. She was, and Fluttershy decided to take the rest of the night off from sitting at Twilight’s side.

It was selfish, but there had been one thing she’d been wanting to do all week. And that was to curl up into a ball, think about the old days, and cry her heart out for a good hour.

On the sixth day, Fluttershy awoke to see Luna drinking her coffee at her desk.

Fluttershy blinked. Never had she had such a complete sense of deja vu.

“Lu-Luna?” stammered Fluttershy.

“Yes?” said Luna, turning around casually.

“Wh-why did you leave me?” she cried. Today would be one of those days where she’d wake up and start crying off the bat.

“I didn’t—” she replied.

Fluttershy's voice retained a heightened monotone. She spoke like a child. “I’ve been so lonely! Why did you leave me?!” she said accusingly.

“I’m sorry—”

“Please don’t leave me again! Promise to never leave me again?!”

Subtlety had become far gone. Around the third day, the loneliness had become apparent, on the fourth day, all she could think about was if she’d never see another pony again, and on the fifth day, she’d devised a plan to surprise and trap the pony that brought her her meals. She had memorized the times that they were delivered and would open the door only seconds before. She didn’t know what she’d say to him or her, but she wanted to know their name.

She had fallen that far.

“I won’t,” said Luna, holding her hooves up as if surrendering. Fluttershy was having a hard time reading her. To her, it looked like Luna wasn’t aware of what she did wrong. Like it was just another Sunday.

“Good!” said Fluttershy before bursting into tears, running over to Luna, and burying her face in the princess’ shoulder. “H-how a-are you?” she said though choking sobs.

Luna tensed up as Fluttershy embraced her, and held her hooves up as if afraid they’d get locked into her vice-grip. She tried to reason. “Fluttershy, I—I’m sorry. Twilight has been so very resilient to my magic. I lost track of time.”

“Of course the only pony who’d ever stand a chance at helping her, can’t!” she wailed. “She’s never going to wake up! I’m going to be in this castle forever!”

Luna grimaced. It wasn’t often that royalty had a crying pony in their lap. Dignity usually kept such situations far from them, and having grown estranged to such outbursts, Luna had been left understandably unsure of how to handle them. She was flustered and a little panicked by her closeness.

Yet, even royal grace didn’t redeem her decision to try and pry Fluttershy off of her.

“Listen, Fluttershy. I have something for you,” said Luna as she pulled Fluttershy away with her magic.

After five days of being alone without the company of another conscious pony, all Fluttershy wanted was a hug. Maybe it was too much to ask of royalty, but she had hoped that maybe deep beneath all their magic, regal pleasantry, and mystery was a normal pony who could understand how she felt.

It probably didn’t help that Fluttershy herself didn’t know what she was feeling.

“C-can’t—can’t I j-just have a hug...?” she whimpered as she hung in mid-air in Luna’s levitation.

Luna avoided looking directly into Fluttershy’s big, cerulean eyes. Luna grit her teeth and released a sharp sigh. “Yes,” she said with her head turned away and eyes on the floor. Luna brought Fluttershy closer and let her resume the hug.

Luna put her arms around Fluttershy this time. The gesture allowed for the pent up emotion of the last five days to release a little. There was a lot there, and one good cry wouldn’t get it all, but still, it helped.

There was a warmness in the embrace beyond what she expected. They shared a moment of mutual understanding that came as a surprise to Fluttershy. No one else could have been able to tell, but in one tiny detail, Fluttershy knew there was something connecting between them.

Luna was trembling slightly. Most would have thought it was just the heartache helping her imagine things that weren’t there, but in her heart, Fluttershy knew what she felt. She and Luna shared a state of mind that could only come from one place, a lonely home where your friends had once been.

Over the last few days, Fluttershy had come to understand that there were different levels of grief. She didn’t feel the same magnitude of grief about Rarity’s death as her parents did. They were far more distressed than she was about what happened. Likewise, somepony like Cheerilee or Granny Smith didn’t feel to the same magnitude as Fluttershy or Applejack. They didn’t know Rarity as well.

They were all sad about what happened, but when they tried to explain their sadness to each other, words were exchanged, not true feelings. They could laugh and cry, but their stories and feelings came from different hearts that knew Rarity in different ways.

In such an emotional state of mind, Fluttershy realized she became hypersensitive to others who shared it. A pony could tremble slightly in a thousand different ways, for a thousand different reasons.

Yet, the way Luna trembled left Fluttershy breathless. There was pain somewhere far away that Luna was keeping pent up inside her, and she felt it as if it was her own. She thought about everything she’d ever seen of Luna and started making connections. Everything the princess did was somehow a product of this locked away pain.

Fluttershy convinced herself of this in a single moment by just the slightest trembling.

“Lu-Luna?!” exclaimed Fluttershy, confused and borderline hysterical.

“What?” replied Luna, just as confused.

“A-are you okay?!”

“I think so?”

There was a moment of hesitation coupled with an unmatched awkwardness as Fluttershy immediately began to doubt her most recent discovery. Suddenly, Luna was an enigma to her. The look on her face was one of complete perplexment. Seconds ago, she thought she'd seen Luna's soul, and in one statement, her feelings had been completely undermined.

“Well, if you ever need to talk!” said Fluttershy, still at an awkwardly loud volume. She brought it down a few decibels. “Don’t ever be afraid to ask,” she finished, now almost whispering.

Luna’s perplexment did not falter.

Fluttershy's cheeks flushed bright red. She wanted to die from embarrassment. On top of everything else that had happened, she was now making a complete fool of herself.

She broke down again, dissociating completely. She’d probably read the princess wrong, and now she probably thought Fluttershy was a freak. Here Luna was, acting normally, and Fluttershy couldn’t make it ten minutes without bawling her eyes out. Luna was probably wondering what terrible thing she’d done to be stuck with such a useless pony as Fluttershy.

Yet, she was in her arms, and Luna had the divine grace to let her cry there. So she wailed, and wailed.

When it occurred that they’d probably send her back to Ponyville because she was just getting in the way, she blacked out. She had been sent to watch over a friend that desperately needed her, and all she could do was black out.

Life was becoming too much for her.

Some time later, Fluttershy came to her senses. Luna laid on her bed in a reverie, pensively watching Twilight.

Fluttershy never noticed that there was dampness on her shoulder. She never noticed that the dampness was in a place that her own tears could never reach naturally.

She would only later notice Luna’s puffy, bloodshot eyes.

She was oblivious to these things because in front of her was a letter. It was already open, and had old and new tear stains on it.

From: Applejack

To: Fluttershy

Seven days after the death of Rarity

Dear Fluttershy,

I’m sorry I didn’t write back to you earlier. A lot has happened since you left. I tried to make time to write back to you, but there’s been so much work that needs doing. I know that’s a terrible excuse, but it’s just been real hard and frantic, you know?

She will wake up. I might be counting my chickens before they hatch, but if she’s in some weird dream magic, they couldn’t have picked a better pony for the job. I have a real good feeling that Luna will have her woken up lickety-split. You’ll be back before you know it.

I know what you mean. I’ve been pretty up and down too. Just the other day, I yelled at Applebloom when she told me she was getting hungry from searching for Rainbow. I had no idea what came over me, but I got her pretty upset. I told her she already ate a few hours before, and that Rainbow ain’t gonna find herself. Maybe I can’t imagine anypony taking breaks when we’re losing ponies left and right, but Big Mac had to come and talk to me before I went off on somepony else. I felt mighty awful afterwards. Applebloom said she’d already forgiven me, but I haven’t forgiven me yet.

As far as things go around here, I have good news and bad news. Since I always like to end positively, I’ll go over the bad news first.

First, Pinkie’s in the hospital. She’s taking all of this way harder than we thought. You know how she locked herself in her room after hearing about Rarity? Let’s just say she’s feeling pretty darn bad about life. So much that she didn’t think it was worth living anymore. I’m just glad we found her before it was too late.

Second, and it’s pretty hard to tell you this because I know how close you two were, but we still haven’t found Rainbow Dash. I promise you we’ll find her though, and you know I don’t make promises I can’t keep. The whole town’s been running through that forest, and we’ve almost covered it all. There’s not too many more places she can be hiding, so expect a letter from her soon.

Now for a bit of good news.

We found Sweetie Belle. The little filly was starved and scared to death when we found her, but she’s doing as well as she can right now. I told her about Rarity yesterday, and she just nodded and walked off. I don’t think she gets it. That, or she’s got a heart of iron. We’ll probably see in a few days. Applebloom and Scoots are pretty happy to say the least.

That’s all I have to report.

It feels like it’s been years since I saw that train leave. So much has happened since then. Every day is a rush.

I miss you too, and I really wish you were back. It’s been pretty lonely. The family’s all here for me, but they just don’t get it like you do. I try not to think about Rarity, though. I visit her for a little while each day and bawl my eyes out, but we have a lot of work to do, and no time to think about ‘what if’s’. I figure as long as we stay positive and do our jobs, everything should turn out right.

Keep your hope.

Love,

Applejack

“Seeing you cry breaks my heart,” said Luna, as Fluttershy finished the letter with a timing that seemed too perfect. “It is not becoming for a mare of your grace to weep.”

Fluttershy looked up to her. Luna’s tone was somewhere between matter-of-fact and truly genuine. That’s when Fluttershy noticed Luna had been crying too.

“A week...?” said Fluttershy drowsily. She was still trying to process the information in front of her. She had skimmed everything beside the part about Rainbow Dash. “No one survives a week in the Everfree Forest alone,” she said, like she was stating any other random nature fact.

“No one...”

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