Dear Diary,

For all it is worth, I think Luna is batshits insane. Or just extremely lonely. And quite lovely…

I must have fallen asleep for a moment, since when I opened my eyes Luna no longer lied besides me. Instead she stood by a window, looking out over the nightfallen city of Canterlot, wearing the simple black dress she wore when I first saw her. Her back was turned to me, the nightsky hair moving back and forth, almost as if it was a substitute for pacing. She seemed to mumble to herself.

“That was… disappointing…” the few words I did pick up on sort of left me looking like a question mark. Unless my memory was entirely ruled by a fabricated fantasy to gratify my ego, she had seemed to enjoy our little sideshow quite a bit.

“I’m… sorry?” I decided to deliver a very hesitant and confused apology. She seemed startled at the revelation that I was awake, practically jumping around. With a humorous tone I added:“I’ll try better next time.”

“You’re awake!?” she sounded nervous, and her eyes flickered from me to the door, back to me and then to her feet. “I thought you fell asleep.”

“I did. Then I woke up again.”

“Oh…” Luna swallowed and started to blush, her skin turning slightly purple. She stammered a bit as she continued, ever more hesitantly. “Well, I… I didn’t mean it like that… about you, I mean… I wasn’t disappointed in… how that ended… it is just that… I expected something… that never happened…”

“What sort of thing?” I moved to the edge of the bed, looking at her with one of my eyebrows raised. I tried to keep my expression friendly, but it was hard to say if I were successful. Luna seemed so nervous, and she kept glancing over at the door. I tried a little more humor. “I was sort of tied up… really hard to do anything more than I did. Well, for me anyway. I don’t have one of those fancy horns.”

“I don’t think my sister was dissatisfied by you,” I threw myself around at the sound of a familiar voice; Princess Celestia had entered the room through the door that Luna had been glancing at. The Sun Princess smiled at us, seemingly not bothered at all that she was talking about her sister having sex with the guy in the room shortly before she entered. Which was more than I could say for Luna. She seemed to get more and more purple with each passing second, trying her hardest to not look me or Celestia in the eyes, but still look at us. Celestia gave me a smile. “Come, get yourself dressed, then you and Luna can meet me in my study. We have much to discuss.”

In a flash of golden light, she was gone, leaving Luna and me. And I had to question just what had happened just now. So Luna wasn’t disappointed in my performance? At least that was a good thing… right? Right, good enough anyway. So what was she disappointed about? Why bother asking? If they were going to tell me, Celestia would do it later. I hoped.

“So, you got any spare clothes for me?” I looked over at Luna, who seemed to be much more comfortable now that Celestia was gone. Her face had started to turn midnight blue once again. “You sort of shredded a couple of my things.”

“Yes, I have taken the liberty to prepare a new set of clothes for you. I think you’ll find them most comfortable, and to your liking.”

Luna’s horn lit up, opening a dresser. A black tshirt with a crescent moon on the front, virtually identical to that on her hip, and a casual-looking shirt in the same color as her skin floated over to me. I was about to open my mouth and comment on the rather… strange choice of clothes, but then I remembered the part about being trapped in a consuming nightmare for a millennium. Probably just an awkward attempt to be nice. Should raise a few eyebrows among Twilight and her friends though.

“Thanks,” I gave her a smile, which she returned, before I continued, now a little more worried than before. “I’m guessing I’m not going to like whatever is going to happen in Princess Celestia’s study, am I?”

“I fear I must inform you that you are most likely correct,” Luna turned back to the window, her tone carrying a wary and weary feel to it. “A darkness threaten to fall over my beloved Equestria, and I believe that the actions taken to prevent it has made things worse than ever. But enough lingering, we need to see my sister as soon as possible.”

Just as I pulled the tshirt over my head, I saw a flash of blue light. By the time my head emerged on the other side, I could see I was back where Celestia had performed her weirdly intimate examination of me, and commented on my lack of a “mark”. Celestia sat bent over a desk, reading a scroll, as we appeared, but quickly put it down and turned to us. Two more chairs, of the comfortable kind, appeared. Without anything said, both Luna and I took a seat.

“This is… not how I expected this evening to go,” Celestia started, in an apologetic tone in my direction. “If you allow it, I wish to explain myself fully, so that you may better understand that I now have to turn to you for help.”

I could have sworn that my mouth was left open from that point onwards, probably for the rest of my life. The seemingly immortal and magical princess, who could also fly and control the sun, was turning to me, some random human that had been drawn into this world at most a week ago, for help? I could have sworn that the whole kingdom of Canterlot, at this very moment, was freaking out, for no apparent reason to themselves, asking themselves “What the fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!?” in honor of this development. Or maybe it was just my own brain doing that. I must have given some signal of agreement, as Celestia continued.

“This all started during the preparations to the wedding between Twilight Sparkle’s brother, and my adopted niece, Princess Cadence, the rulers of the Crystal Empire. Cadence, sometime after the engagement, was imprisoned under the city and impersonated by someone we know as Chrysalis, the Queen of the Changelings.”

“So, wedding gone wrong because of what sounds to be shapeshifters. Got it.”

“Correct,” Celestia seemed relieved that I was following her thus far. “The Changelings can take the appearance of anyone, and can take control over others through their emotions, love being the strongest among them. Feeding on Shining Armor’s love- that would be Twilight’s brother- Chrysalis became too powerful for me to stop and her Changeling army was able to prevent Twilight and her friends from getting to the Elements of Harmony. It was only through her love that Cadence was able to give Shining Armor the strength to repel the monsters, and she is oftentimes called the Princess of Love, much as I am the Princess of the Sun, and Luna of the Night.”

Woah, back up, brain! This Chrysalis queen thingy could defeat Celestia, and she was now asking me for help!? Had she gone completely insane and/or stupid!? If Celestia, the sun controlling magical princess had no chance against her, how the hell would I fare any better? Not to mention the part about the army of shapeshifters! What the fuck had gotten into her head!? Instead of saying anything, I just nodded, hoping that this’d all make sense sooner or later.

“After the Changelings had been driven away, we thought we had seen the last of them, and other concerns quickly became pressing. The return of the Cursed King, Sombra, to the Crystal Empire, and the grooming of Twilight to become a Princess, forced our attention elsewhere, when we should have made sure that the Changelings would no longer threaten Equestria. Alas, by the time we could continue our efforts against them, they had vanished of the face of these lands, and all lands we have been to since. Until Luna spotted one in the Sweet Apple Acres the same night she saw you there, paying a visit to some younger ladies, high on hormones.”

Great that you should remind me of that. It is not like I find it rather awkward to have the authority talk about how I banged what would be considered barely legal, at best, back home. And that would only be in the countries that had a fairly low age for sexual consent. Any place that had 18 as the age would imprison me for sure.

“Knowing that Chrysalis is cunning beyond measure, we had to find a way to separate you from the rest of the group without you knowing why. Luckily, you are different enough from the people of these lands to warrant scholarly interest without too much suspicion, and Twilight wisely chose to not entrust you with more than necessary information. When I examined you earlier, I tried to force or tempt you to show your true form.”

Oh, now some things started to make sense. Not much, but at least now I knew that I had been in danger of probably being executed from the moment I entered the city.

“And thus my sister asked me to see what I could do to force a transformation,” Luna took over the telling of the story. “I called you to my chambers, unsure of what to expect. From what Twilight Sparkle had told us in her letters, you seemed to share the bed of women and girls frequently, at least since you came here. This was a most suspicious behavior, given that Changelings feed on emotions, and such an act can be most intimate for people. By taking the form of Nightmare Moon, I hoped to give myself a cover to run a spell through you, and it worked.”

“However,” Celestia started to speak as soon as Luna ended her sentence. “The spell did nothing to you, which means that you’ve been caught up in this by chance. And that the Changeling Luna saw on that night is still on the loose. Fearing the worst, it may have taken the form of one of the friends of Twilight Sparkle, or even Twilight herself.”

“Couldn’t you perform a test on them too?” the question blurted out of me. It was the first thing that came to mind, but Celestia just smiled and shook her head.

“I fear not. In our foolish confidence that we had already managed to narrow down the Changeling, we informed Twilight and her friends about our suspicions. By now, should the Changeling be among them, Chrysalis would surely already know. And if this Changeling has been feeding on the love this group of friends share, they’d be too powerful for me or Luna to stop, even with our forced combined.”

“As you can see,” Luna took the word again, her tone again being wary and weary. “Trying to force this Changeling out now would be a fool’s endeavor. Only the Elements of Harmony would be able to stop the Changelings now, but if one of them has been taken, the Elements are powerless, and so are we. This is why we need your help.”

“And what exactly am I going to do?” I swallowed. “I’m no one special. I really don’t think there is anything I can do to… to… to stop some shapeshifter that can beat the two of you. You’re magic beings. I’m just a human trying to get by.”

“We need you to find out where the Changeling is, and, if it has taken the place of one of the Elements, find out where the real Element bearer is. It is our only hope at succeeding this shadow war. If the Changeling continues to believe that we suspect you, we might still have a chance. The fate of Equestria rests on your shoulders.”

“You’re joking, right?” I tried to laugh convincingly, but it died out after a couple of seconds. Both Luna and Celestia were entirely serious. “No, really… this is some elaborate prank to make me look like a complete dork, right? Right?”

A few moments were passed in silence. I felt swear form on my forehead and my forced smile fade.

“You two are serious, aren’t you? For fuck sake, this is bad. Really bad. You don’t want to lie the fate of Equestria on my shoulders. You really, really don’t. Bad things happen when I have to deal with important stuff. I get lost, lead people astray… and before I know it, I’m on a ship wearing only smallclothes and a tattoo, bound for a 3rd world slave market.”

“We are aware that this is new to you, but there is no other way,” Celestia gave what seemed to be intended to be a comforting smile. “But even so, if I did not believe you could do it, I would have tried to fight and lost that way instead, forced Chrysalis to declare herself. But with you I think we have an opportunity to end this without a river of blood engulfing our lands.”

“Ah, shit…” I folded my hands over my mouth and nose and breathed slowly, looking at the floor for a time. These people were asking me to undertake… no, to undermine the efforts of this Chrysalis person, who apparently controlled one of Twilight’s friends… “I… how will I do any of this!? I’ve never saved a kingdom before, or anything of the sort!”

I didn’t yell, but look at them with what must have been a desperate expression.

“I’m afraid we do not know any certain way to go about it,” Luna said and put and hand on my shoulder. She had gotten up from her chair, as had Celestia. “But we think the key lies in letting the Changeling believe we believe you are the one. Maybe it will make a mistake that we can exploit.”

**

I walked down the stairs, in the direction I hoped was the study where the others would be. I moved slow, still working on what had happened since I was summoned by Luna. So the others believed that the princesses believed that I was a Changeling. And I was to use this to find out who was the real Changeling.

“There you are!” Twilight’s voice broke into my mind, making me aware that she was there. She appeared to be alone. She took a hold of me and teleported us back to Celestia’s chambers, where the princesses were waiting again.

“Okay, what the hell!?” I let it burst out. “What now?”

“We are sorry, truly, but we needed to inform you about one more thing, and we needed you both to be here,” Luna seemed apologetic. “We know we can trust Twilight Sparkle, and we needed to make sure that you both knew that.”

“Let me guess,” my sarcastic and annoyed side had taken over my mind. “You know you can trust her because Miss-Raises-the-Sun has the power to see into the past of those she shares a deep personal connection to that all three of you have already been aware of for some time.”

Now it was their turn to have an open mouth for a little while before responding.

“Well, yes,” Celestia said, eventually. “My connection with Twilight has allowed me to follow her life closely, to watch her grow into the strong young woman she is today. It has even granted me insight into her friends, though I cannot follow them the same way. It is something that lies between the Alicorns, and even before Twilight became one, it was always her destiny, so I could watch her.”

“Well, that- You know what, forget it. I don’t care how you magical creatures even know this stuff anymore! I’ll just trust you when you say I can trust Twilight here. Not going to make the situation any worse anyhow, since you’ve already told her everything.”

“You can’t talk like that to the Princesses!” Twilight sounded furious and set her eyes in me. It was almost scary to witness.

“It is okay, Twilight. I understand his reaction,” Celestia put her hands on Twilight’s shoulders and looked her in the eyes. “Unlike you and your friends, he has never been groomed to do anything like this. Never been tested against the likes of Discord and Sombra. He doesn’t even command any Element. Don’t you remember the uncertainty that haunted you until the very last moment when you faced off against Nightmare Moon?”

“I… you’re right, Princess,” Twilight embraced her in a hug, before she turned back to me again. “I guess I should have thought about it like that. I’ve become so used to my friends always being aware that something like this could always happen again that I didn’t take the time to consider that we’re among the very few who ever experience something like that. I’m… sorry I got angry… And not being able to trust my friends…”

“For what it is worth,” I replied, hoping to sound understanding and friendly. “I’m glad I don’t have to be alone in doing this. I just… I’m just not like you or your friends.”

“You might be when all of this is over,” Luna opened the door for us. “But you two better get back to the others, before they become suspicious of you.”