Well This Sucks...

by Smexy Sombra

First published 3rd of April, 2013

Two guys get sent to Equestria through a mishap with excessive magic and now are stuck here. What are a disgruntled Gamer and a Artist to do now?

What happens when two men are sent to a world filled with Pony/People girls? Lots of chaos for the two guys, much awkwardness, and hilarity ensues. Join these two guys as they try to make new lives for themselves in this wonderful and colorful world of anthro ponies!

(Note: Ponies have modern technology in this universe.)
Warning: Language, suggestive themes, most likely lots of sex jokes, and Anthro Ponies. Not into that stuff then turn away now.

Collab with my good pal The Alpha

Chapter 1: Aw hell...

In a silver 1967 Chevrolet Camaro with blood red flames starting from behind, there were two guys driving down the highway to meet up with some old friends.

“I thought you left all your gamer gear back at your home.” Jed deadpanned as he looked at his friend.

“Why would I do that?” Mark asked, as he looked at his gear.

“I dunno... It’s expensive?” Jed said shrugging.

Jed was six foot tall and was wearing a black and grey zip up hoodie, that was zipped up about halfway, with a grey overcoat and white Tee underneath it, while on his legs he was wearing a set of blue jeans with black nikes. On his head was a solid black fedora that covered his short black hair. His eyes were midnight black and he had a five O’clock shadow.

“You should shave.” Mark said.

Mark was about six foot two, and was wearing a black hoodie with a special decal on the back, where a guy holding gigantic axe, and was cutting another guy in half. There was a text that said ‘The Dunk Master has arrived.’ on the back too. On the front left of his hoodie, next to the zipper was a text that said ‘Alphadud’ since it was his gaming alias. Under his hoodie, was a white shirt, where there was a guy looking slightly up to the left, and under him was a red and blue text that said ‘Dunk’, he was also wearing black jeans because why not. Around his neck was an expensive gaming headset which was hooked up to his cell phone. On his head he had a red, new era cap.

His hair, was almost black, just on the verge of becoming black, but still was brown, his eye color was deep brown and he had a rough beard. Also, he was wearing fingerless gloves. And on the collar of his shirt were hanging sunglasses.

“Oh shut up ya hypocrite and watch the road.” Jed said as he pulled out his phone to look at a text. “Also we are late.”

“To what?” Mark asked as he looked back at the road, as he was driving.

“Our meet up? With old friends? That thing we planned a while ago?” Jed said as he began to tap on the surface of his phone to send back a response. “Seriously... You and your gaming career.”

“What? I make more money than you.” Mark said

“And I make art. All you do is play video games.” Jed said as he looked into the back seat to see his laptop and drawing tablet in his computer bag. “And I drew a picture for ya. Because you had to have some decal or something. I can’t even remember.”

“Eh, well.... Not everything is fine.” Mark said shrugging before, turning up the radio some, which was playing some hip hop.

“Augh I hate this guy.” Jed said as he switched the station, unfortunately it was just a weather broadcast.

“-And with that the weather on the roads are becoming more and more dangerous by the minute. Reports say that a major rainstorm is on it’s way to the I45 highway. We recommend that if you are on the highway, please stop and-” It was cut off by Jed turning it off and sighing.

“Well that’s bullshit.” Jed said leaning back in the seat.

“Pedal to the medal.” Mark said as he basically stomped down on the gas pedal, causing the engine to roar and the car to lift slightly in front.

“Woah god! He said to be careful you idiot!” Jed said as he slightly clutched the handle above his head.

“Fuck careful, we are late.” Mark said, as the car quickly speed up.

“Yeah Late! Not dead! And I’d prefer to keep it that way!” Jed said as they passed into the rainstorm that the news person talked about. The weather immediately took a turn for the worst as the rain was coming down so hard that you could barely see two feet in front of your nose. “Ah great... Now we can’t see!”

“Bah, it’s nothing!” Mark said. As they drove further into the rainstorm it suddenly started to get darker and darker until it looked like it was midnight without a full moon. “What.” Mark just said confused.

“Oh god what did you do now?” Jed asked as he looked out the window.

“Nothing.” Mark said flipping on the headlights. As the lights came to life they saw a dirt road with grass on the sides.

“Wait a minute... Weren’t we on the highway a minute ago?” Jed said looking out the window again.

“How the fuck did we end up on a dirt road.... Also I hope to god my gaming tower is fine, along with my guitar.” Mark said.

“I don’t see why you had to bring that to a simple get together.” Jed said facepalming.

“I wanted to get some practice in.” Mark said with a scottish accent.

“I understand the guitar, but the gaming stuff? Really?” Jed said.

“Not my fault that my team have been pressing to get some extra practice in.” Mark said shrugging, before putting in a USB in to his stereo and starting up some music.

“Yeah whatever. Let’s just try to find a farm or something that we can use a phone.” Jed said waving a hand in the air.

“Its in the mist’s of what? Midnight? Do you think anyone will be awake?” Mark said as he was looking down the road.

“I don’t know! Just keep driving... Actually pull over, I need to use the loo.” Jed said as he tapped on the window.

“Right.” Mark said as he slowed down until the car stopped.

“Thanks.” Jed said as he opened the door and hopped out. He walked out into the field and looked from side to side before unzipping his pants and relieving himself. He sighed until he heard the music from the car. He turned his head and bit and yelled. “That music is too loud Mark!”

“Don’t fucking care, its midnight!” Mark yelled back.

“My point exactly!” Jed shouted back as he finished and zipped up his pants before walking back. He hopped into the car again and closed the door before looking outside. “Is it just me or are there more stars out than usual?”

Mark just looked outside before taking note to that too. “Huh, you are right...”

“Still pretty though.” Jed said shrugging and leaning back in his seat.

“Eh, lets roll.” Mark said as he slowly picked up speed, driving through the midnight with a starry night. As they rolled down the old road, they drove past a forest with several plants that seemed to glow in the night. It looked like something out of a Disney movie. Soon they came upon a small town that looked to be an old 18th century village. Something inappropriate was that, the stereo had flipped onto “Some chords by Deadmau5”. They stopped as the place was insight and looked well... Empty.

“Huh, wonder if people still live here.” Mark asked.

“Well only one way to find out.” Jed said as he opened up the car door and stepped out.

That... Woke everyone up. Soon several lights were turned on in several different houses and many complaints were heard.

“PINKIE TURN THAT MUSIC DOWN!!!” Was heard from somewhere in town.

“Yeah there’s people here.” Jed said as he reached in and turned the music down a bit.

“Aww.....” Mark whined out leaning back into his seat and pulling on the handbrake. Jed just tapped on the window to get Mark’s attention. He just looked at Jed, before rolling down the window and asking.

“What?”

“Stay here and don’t drive off... Like you usually do.” Jed said looking to the handbrake.

Mark just looked at it too, before looking at Jed. “I’ll try.”

“Thank you...” Jed said rolling his eyes and walking away from the car. He walked into town and began to look around until he stumbled upon a rather interesting sight. A massive tree. With a door. And windows. He pulled out his phone and called up Mark. “Mark?”

Before he could say anything more the car silently rolled up next to him, and Mark pulled out his phone and said. “Yeah?”

“Well one. Thanks for not driving away. And two... Why is this tree a house?” Jed said looking from Mark to the tree.

“Well..... 18th centuary stuff..... They were probably smoking weed back then.” Mark said waving a dismissive hand.

“... I honestly have no doubt about that. I’m gonna go knock on the door. See if I can’t get some help.” Jed said hanging up his phone and walking over to the tree.

“I was fucking sitting right here.” Mark complained from the car. “Well spent money!”

Jed just knocked on the door and waited as Mark yelled out.

“FUCKING WELL SPENT MONEY!” Mark yelled out.

“Will you shut up already!?” Jed shouted back. Mark just rolled up his window and started yelling, everything was muffled. “Thank ya.”

As he finished talking, the door was opened to reveal well... Not what Jed was expecting. In the doorway stood looked as if someone had taken a pony and given them human features, Upright, hands, etc, but kept a lot of the pony as well. Do to the pony/human having quite the chest on her Jed could tell it was a she. And the fact that she was wearing purple pajamas with stars all over them kinda helped too.

“May I help yo-” She began before she saw Jed. They both stared at each other Jed broke the silence.

“Eohguhgheg hgub...” He babbled his eyes rolled into his head and fell backwards, passing out. Twilight blinked before seeing Mark in his car.

“Wat?” Mark said looking confused, before putting the car in reverse, and slowly backing away. Before realizing that Jed was knocked out. “Weeeeeeeeelllll.......” He began before just passing out, but not before turning the handbrake on, and turning off the car.

Twilight just looked from Jed to Mark before she sighed and went into her library to use the phone inside. After a quick phone call to her friends, she dragged Jed inside and went to the car to pull Mark out. A quick struggle to move him and closing the car door, she finally brought him inside. As she found them to be harmless(seeing as one fainted), she threw a blanket over each of them and went back to sleep upstair, too tired to deal with this right now.

Jed slowly came too and shook his head to clear the slight headache he got from passing out last night. He looked around and saw that he was inside of some sort of library. He shook his head again and tried to think of what happened last night.

‘Okay. Mark got us lost in a rainstorm. Was a beautiful night last night. Found a 18th century town with modern additions. And met a purple pony person with a large rack. Passed out. Seems legit.’ Jed thought to himself as he looked around some more.

He sighed and got up when he noticed he was in a blanket and Mark was next to him. Snoring. Rolling his eyes he got up and folded the blanket, not wanting to be rude to whoever was nice enough to take his fainting ass in at night. With a sigh he looked around some more before he heard a voice from upstairs.

“Oh you’re awake! Good!” A girl’s voice said. He turned to see the girl... mare? He saw last night. Were it not for the eight hours of sleep he got, he might have fainted again. “How are you? Are you hurt at all?”

“UUuuuuuuuuuuuh...” Was all that Jed could say as he watched the mare/girl descend the staircase dressed in a navy blue sweater with a white dress shirt underneath it and a light red mini skirt. Her hair was a deep violet with a purple and pink stripe running down the middle of it. Taking a better look, he noticed that she had a tail that was colored much in the same way. He also noticed that instead of feet, she had hooves. “No?”

“Oh good! You can talk! I was wondering if you were just some random pet or wild animal.” The purple mare/girl said.

“Oh thanks, that is such a compliment.” Jed said sarcastically. The purple mare blushed slightly and chuckled nervously.

“Heh heh... Sorry. Just I haven’t seen anything like you before. Although what you and your friend are wearing, and what he was driving, seem fairly familiar.” The purple one observed as she walked over. “Oh! But where are my manners? I am Twilight Sparkle! Protege to Princess Celestia and local librarian.” She held out her hand and smiled.

“Uuuh.. I’m Jed. Jedidiah Thum. Artist and digital designer.” Jed said shaking Twilight’s hand.

“That’s a strange name.” Twilight said giggling.

“Heh, speak for yourself Miss Sparkle.” Jed said chuckling. “Um, you’re being very kind for an alien species don’tcha think?”

“Well, I figure if you were gonna hurt me last night, you would’ve instead of passing out in shock.” Twilight said giggling even more as Jed blushed slightly. “Speaking of species, what are you?”

“Me and my friend here are what we call Human or Homo sapiens if you want the sciency term.” Jed said shrugging. Twilight nodded as her horn, Which Jed just noticed she had, glowed as levitated a notebook and quill over to her. “Wow! How the hell did you do that!?”

“What magic?” Twilight asked as she opened the notebook.

“Yeah!” Jed said a little flabbergasted.

“Every unicorn can do magic! Why? Can humans not do magic where you're from?” Twilight asked.

“Well, no... We can do simple illusions and escape tricks, but nothing like what you just did without wires or magnets.” Jed said while Twilight was writing everything down.

“What else about your world can you tell me?” Twilight asked with a twinkle in her eye and a smile on her face.

“I could tell you a lot, but right now, I would like to know where I am.” Jed said chuckling. Twilight giggled with him and nodded.

“Alright well you are in Equestria!” She said happily.

“Eques-what now?” Jed said.

“Equestria! It’s the land of ponies that is ruled by the Princesses, Celestia and Luna who move the sun and moon every morning and night.” Twilight recited.

“....” Jed just stood there quietly before he sighed and put his face in his hands. “I would normally call ‘Bullshit’ but considering that there is a anthro purple unicorn standing in front of me, I will just have to take your word for it.”

“Hey you okay?” Twilight said putting a hand on Jed’s shoulder. He looked down at her noticing she was a bit shorter than him.

“Not exactly. I just found out that I am in a land of mystical talking anthro ponies. And not in America. So forgive me if I am not exactly ‘Happy’.” Jed said sounding a bit sour.

“Oh don’t be that way! Things could look up!” Twilight said

“And you just jinxed anyway of me and Mark getting home.” Jed said facepalming.

“What?” Twilight said.

“Nothing, well if you want to try and find us a way home that would be amazing.” Jed said smiling before a loud THUMP made both him and Twilight jump, even more surprising, the back of Twilight’s shirt ripped open to reveal quite a nifty set of purple wings. “... Wut!?”

Instead of getting a straight answer, Jed instead got a massive Rainbow plowing into his side and throwing him against the wall. He didn’t even hit the ground before he was picked up and pressed against the wall by someone.

“Who are you!? What are you!? Are you a spy!?” The person said. Jed just mumbled out something incoherent before his eyes started working again. The first thing he saw was all the colors of the rainbow right under his nose.

“Uh... Did I just get pummeled by skittles?” Jed asked still dazed.

“What did you just call me!?” The Rainbow one said angrily.

“Rainbow Dash! Put’em down! He ain’t dun nuthin’ to deserve that!” A southern accent said. There was a snort before Jed felt whatever was holding his against the wall let go and let him slide down to the floor to message his aching mind. He heard someone walk over and put a hand on his head causing him to hiss in displeasure.

“O-oh my... I can’t see anything wrong other than a small cut and a large bruise. I think you are alright.” A quiet voice said.

“Oh gee willikers, thanks mom!” Jed said still dazed and smiling.

“Rainbow, I think you broke him.” I heard a posh voice say.

“I don’t like batteries!” Jed said blinking rapidly and tossing his head to the left.

“Well... He shouldn’t have looked so intimidating!” Rainbow said.

“Rainbow, he was literally standing there. If that is what you think intimidating is, I’d like to see what a manticore would do to you.” Twilight said as glass of water floated over to Jed before it was dumped onto Jed’s head.

“AAAAUGH! COLD COLD COLD!” Jed shouted suddenly jumping up and running in place for a moment. “Aaaaaah! Cold cold!”

“See? He is fine!” Rainbow said.

“Oh god.... What happened?” Jed said looking around and taking off his soaked overcoat and fedora.

“Our friend, Rainbow Dash, thought that you were threatening so she threw you into a wall and tried to interrogate you.” Twilight explained while Jed looked over the other ponies that had entered the house.

One was wearing a leather vest, red plaid shirt with the sleeves rolled up, worn out jeans and cowboy boots. Her coat was orange while her hair, or mane, was blond and pulled back into a ponytail, Ha... Ha... Ha.., but covered by a stetson Her tail was done much in the same way. She had a ‘Don’t mess with me, I don’t mess with you’ kind of attitude going.

The next one was BRIGHT pink with a poofy and curly magenta mane and tail. She was wearing a dark magenta sleeveless dress that stretched down to her knees while her legs were covered by almost knee high socks and her hooves were covered by some sort of sneaker looking thing. She was well... Just bouncy. Kinda hard to ignore her since well. Girl. Bouncing. Yeah you get the picture.

The one that stood next to her was butter yellow and had a long pink mane that seemed to cover her face. She wore a mustard yellow sweater that seemed to stretch all the way past her waist and was wearing a set of light blue jeans while her hooves were covered in the same sneaker looking things while a nice pair of wings stuck out from her back. She seemed to play with her tail and avoid eye contact with Jed at any cost.

The second to last one was marshmallow white with an elegantly curled purple mane and tail with a horn sticking out of her mane. She was wearing a white sweater that seemed to be buttoned up so that she showed her stomach and had a nice set of black dress pants on her legs while her hooves looked to be covered in the equivalent of high heels for hooves. She had the sense of elegance, taste, and ladylike simply pouring off of her.

The final one Jed kinda recognised. Her mane was kinda ratty but was all colors of the rainbow and her tail was just the same. She wore a sports jacket of sorts with a hood that was a vibrant blue while her legs were covered in navy blue jeans. Under her jacket was a solid grey shirt with a picture of a cloud with a rainbow colored lightning bolt and her wings, which honestly seemed a bit bigger or stronger than Twilight’s or the butter colored one, stuck out just the same as Twilight’s or the butter one. She had a pissed off expression and was glaring at Jed while giving off the cocky attitude that Jed could not mistake.

“Jedidiah-” Twilight began.

“Please, Jed is fine. Every time I hear my full name I think I am in trouble.” Jed said chuckling. Twilight gave him a giggle and nodded.

“Well Jed, these are my friends.” Twilight said as she went from right to left. “That is Applejack, she runs an apple orchard outside of town.”

“Pleasure to meet’cha mister Jed.” Applejack said holding out her hand, which Jed gladly took.

“That is Pinkie P-” Twilight began before Jed was thrown to the ground with a pink pony person on top of him.

“HIMYNAMEISPINKIEPIEDOYOULIKECUPCAKESOHOHWHATABOUTCANDYORMAYBECHOCOLATEMILKSHAKESOREVEN-” Pinkie began at a million words a second with her nose pressed against Jed’s. All the while Jed was simply sitting there a little confused and kinda terrified of the energy Pinkie held. “-ANDIHAVEAPETCROCODILENAMEDGUMMY!”

“..... Yes?” Was all Jed could say before Pinkie let out a squee and got off of him before picking him up and giving him a hug. Jed blinked in confusion as she let go and happily bounced back to her spot next to the others. “...Wut?”

Twilight walked up next to him and whispered. “It’s just Pinkie being Pinkie. Go with it and your brain will hurt less.”

Jed just dumbly nodded as Twilight continued. “That is Fluttershy. She runs a small animal shelter of sorts outside of town as well next to the Everfree forest.”

The yellow one gave a small ‘EEP’ before hiding behind Applejack. Jed decided not to press on with her, in hopes of not messing things up before anything actually happened. Unfortunately, Applejack just took her out from behind her and pushed her forward until she was in front of me. She just shrank away before slowly beginning to walk back. Jed just smiled and chuckled.

“Heh she reminds me of me when I was younger.” Jed whispered to Twilight getting a chuckle out of her.

“Don’t worry, she’ll warm up to you eventually.” Twilight whispered back before going to the next pony person. “And she is Rarity. She owns a clothing shop in town.”

“Charmed to meet you.” Rarity said with a smile as she stepped forward. Jed just chuckled and gave a small bow. “Oh such a gentleman!”

“Just wait till you get to know me.” Jed said as he stood back up receiving a chuckle from Applejack. Rarity gave him a small smile and a snicker as she remembered an event long ago from the gala. “But in all honesty, it’s a pleasure to meet you Miss Rarity.”

She gave him a smile before walking back to the group. “And I believe you have met Rainbow Dash already.”

“Oh yeah. Skittles.” Jed said smirking as he looked at Rainbow Dash. This caused her to snort in anger before dashing over(No pun intended.) and grabbing his jacket, which was kinda funny looking because of her being a inch or two shorter that Jed.

“What does that even mean!?” She said pulling him down to look her in the eye. Jed just chuckled.

“Skittles is a type of candy from where I come from. And the candy itself is all the colors of the rainbow. Just like your hair-... er mane.” Jed said simply. This caused Rainbow Dash to snort again and let go of him, letting him stand up straight again.

“Just watch yourself pal.” Rainbow said as she went back to her spot with the others and leaned against the wall.

“Now that all of the aggression is out of the way.” Twilight began. “I believe I should send a letter to the Princess.”

“Princess?” Jed asked looking at Twilight.

“Oh right! You’re not from here... I guess you will just meet them if and when they come.” Twilight said shrugging as her horn glowed and another parchment floated over with a quill as she began to write. “There! Now, Spike! Come down here please!”

A small thud from upstairs before a purple and green lizard bound down the stairs and ran up to Twilight. Jed blinked and looked to the lizard as it did the same to him. THey stared at each other before Twilight spoke up.

“Oh! Jed, this is Spike, my assistant and dragon. Spike, this is Jed, he is a Human.” I raised my hand and waved at him, making him do the same to me. “...Right. Spike can you send this letter for me?”

“Of course Twilight!” Spike said as he took the letter and blew green fire onto it.

“... You just burnt that letter.” Jed deadpanned.

“It sends it to Celestia through magic.” Twilight said simply. Jed just made the ‘Ooooh’ expression and nodded his head as he understood.

“I get it.” Jed said simply. Twilight looked at him curiously.

“Really?”

“Yeah. It’s magic. You ain’t gotta explain shit.” Jed said shrugging. This caused Spike to snicker and a few of the other ponies to giggle as well as Twilight facepalmed.

“Yeah. That’s it exactly.” Twilight said sighing before Spike let out a loud belch and a scroll appeared from the puff of fire that came with it. “Oh! She wrote back!”

“... Instant message by fire breathing lizard. Works for me!” Jed said as Twilight read the letter.

“Hmmm. Everyone might want to stand back and cover your eyes.” Twilight said as everyone put a hand over their eyes and scooted back a bit.

“Wh-?” Jed began before a bright flash blinded him and caused him to go to his knees with his hands over his eyes. “AUGH! My eyes!”

“Told you.” Twilight said snickering slightly. “Need any help?”

“Naw, I am just blind and on the floor.” Jed said as he began to blink rapidly to clear the blobs of color that obscured his vision. “Just gimme a minute to clear my eyes. Augh...”

“He certainly is a quirky one isn’t he?” A motherly voice said.

“You don’t know the half of it.” Jed said as his vision slowly came back. “God this is worse than getting blinded my floodlights.”

As Jed blinked away the last of the his blindness, he stood up and stretched a bit. He looked up to see a rather tall woman, or mare at this point, standing in front of him.

She was six or eight inches taller than him, which was slightly intimidating, and had a snow white coat with the slight tint of pink. She wore a long white flowing dress that stretched down to her ankles and wore a large golden necklace with a purple diamond in the middle of it. Her hooves were covered in golden slipper looking things.

“Woah....” Was all Jed could said as he looked up. “I have been dwarfed before, but this is just ridiculous.”

A groan was heard from behind everyone, Mark just rose up, albeit very clumsily. He walked over to a wall and leaned against it before groaning again.

“Mornin’.” Jed said as he looked over to Mark whom just waved a dismissive hand. “Hey, you might wanna open your eyes.”

“Mmmmm.” Mark mused out as he kept leaning against the wall.

“Dude, seriously wake up.” Jed said a little annoyed. Mark just slid down the wall and was half snoring. “Mark! Your energy drinks are on fire!”

“Left them at home....” Mark muttered and was sheilding his eyes.

“Exactly. And your home is on fire.” Jed said simply.

“Whatever....” Mark said.

“Fine be that way. Don’t wake up and see a bunch of busty ladies.” Jed said shrugging.

Mark just opened one eye and looked albeit, he shielded that eye after like a nano second of opening it. “Oh... god so light....”

“Jesus christ, just put those sunglasses on.” Jed said sighing.

“Fuck you. I do what I want.” Mark said, reaching after the sunglasses.

“Is he always like this?” Twilight whispered to Jed.

“Only in the mornings.” Jed said shaking his head. “Mark, get up! We have company... Or well. We’re the company, but you get what I am trying to say....”

“Gah.” Mark said as he put on the sunglasses, he then remained quiet for sometime.

“Did he fall asleep again?” Twilight asked.

“Nope.” Mark said.
“Then why are you quiet?” Twilight asked.

“I don’t want to open my eyes.” Mark said with a yawn.

“Too damn bad. Just get up already.” Jed said rubbing his temples.

“Nope fuck you, go to hell.” Mark said, with another yawn.

“Well that’s not nice at all.” The tall, white pony said.

“Eh, you get used to it after a while.” Jed said shrugging. “You should see what happens when his team loses a game.”

“I heard that.” Mark said.

“It’s all over Youtube.” Jed said to Mark.

“It’s not my fault that tournament was broadcasted live, across the fucking internets...... And the whole world.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t have had a caffeine crash afterwards either.” Jed said.

“Well if its so easy, why don’t you do it?” Mark asked.

“.... Touche, you tired bastard. Now get up.” Jed said walking over.

“No.” Mark said again. Jed walked over next to Mark and took a book off the shelf before turning to Twilight.

“Is this book important?” Jed asked.

“No, it’s one of the most common ones out there.” Twilight said shrugging.

“Oh good.” Jed said as he lifted and dropped the book onto Mark. “Now get up.”

“God fine....” Mark said before standing up and punching Jed in the stomach. “You fucking jerk.”

“Dick.” Jed said as he rubbed his stomach. “Now look.”

Mark just looked at Twilight and company, before turning back to Jed and saying. “So what? they are animals on fucking legs? Whoop-de-fucking-doo.”

“Oh now that is just rude.” Rarity said.

“Oh and they talk, Jesus. I just want to sleep.” Mark complained.

“... You always want to sleep.” Jed said. “It could be a mountain of gold and you’d want to sleep.”

“I won around a million in prize money, so fuck you I do what the fuck I want.” Mark said shrugging.

“Right... Just go back to sleep you rude fuck.” Jed said glaring at Mark. “No one likes you.”

“Now that’s rude!” Mark exclaimed.

“... Touche.” Jed said smiling and stopping his glare. “So we good now?”

“Still freaking tired, but yeah.... I’m good.”

“Want a energy drink?”

“I stopped with those....” Mark said.

“Oh... How about coffee?” Jed asked.

“Yeah, something like that, as long as its not dark.” Mark said, tiredly. That is when Pinkie bounced over and pulled a cup of Coffee that was pretty much 50% milk 50% coffee.

“Here you go!” She said happily.

“Uh thank you...... Weird.... Pink one......... Pink.” Mark said. “Your name is Pink right?”

“Pinkie Pie is the name!” She said happily.

“Right, Pink.” Mark said as he took the cup of coffee and sipped on it. “Holy shit, this coffee man.”

“Good coffee?” Jed asked.

“Ya don’t say.” Mark said sarcastically. “Its- its a giant cup of jizz face.”

“... Right.” Jed said facepalming. “You feeling any better?”

“No fuck you.” Mark replied instantly.

“Yeah you’re fine.” Jed said patting Mark on the back. Mark just slapped away Jed’s hand and kept drinking his coffee. He just sighed and looked at the pony people in front of him. “Everyone meet, Mark. The Disgruntled Gamer.”

“Just because I make more money than you..” Mark muttered.

“I was saying that you’re grumpy. Ya prick.” Jed said.

“Just because I can game better than you.” Mark said rubbing it in Jeds face.

“And you can’t draw anything better than a stick figure.” Jed said smugly.

“And I make over five hundred grand per tournament, beat that mother fucker.”

“I get to draw ladies nude. Fuck you.” Jed said simply and getting up.

“Wait, you do what now?” Twilight asked suddenly and blushing a bit.

“And you have to live with me.” Mark said.

“And do you know how difficult it is not to smother you every chance I get?” Jed said annoyed and gritting his teeth. Mark just nodded and smiled smugly while Jed sighed and looked back to the tall white pony. He sighed and walked over to the tall pony before holding out his hand and smiling.

“Hi, I am Jedidiah, but call me Jed please. That over there is Mark and we are humans.” Jed said simply as the tall one took and shook his head smiling.

“Please to meet you Jed. I am Princess Celestia, ruler of Equestria and raiser of the sun each morning.” The tall one said as Jed’s eyes almost bugged out. “And may I ask why you are so chipper after that little verbal war you just had?”

Jed just shrugged and said. “When you do this for a good year, you learn to take it like black coffee. Drink it in one big swoop and taste the bitterness before going about your day.”

“That is an odd analogy for an argument among friends.” Celestia said giggling.

“Eeeh. It’s just how I view life.” Jed said shrugging. “So why do I owe the pleasure of meeting the Princess on this fine sunny day?”

“My student told me of how a new sentient species arrived on her doorstep last night and had to come down to investigate.” Celestia said. “Speaking of investigating... Tell me, did you and your friend come through a nasty pitch black storm last night?”

“Yes we did actually, why?” Jed asked. Celestia let out a heavy sigh and handed him a scroll with the insignia of a sun on the stamp.

“You also might want to sit down before you read this.” She said with a sad tone.

“Why? It’s not like we can’t go home or anything.” Jed said chuckling as he opened up the scroll and began to read it to himself. His expression became more and more dark as he read. He finally spoke up at the last line of the scroll. “It is with a heavy heart that I must inform you that there is no way back if you came through a pitch black storm... What, what are you sayin’ with this?” Jed said as he let out a nervous chuckle.

“I am saying that the storm you went through was an excessive build of magic that happens every thousand years due to the amount of it being released by all the unicorns and other magical beings in Equestria. Last time it happened the magic corrupted my sister and turned her into a monster.” Celestia said with a heavy hearted tone. “And this time, it appears to have taken two unfortunate souls into it’s clutches and brought them to a world that was not their own.”

“Well can’t we go back through!?” Jed asked sounding rather panicked. Celestia shook her head.

“The amount of magic that it took to bring you here was most likely just enough to keep you alive as you went through it. The storm is gone now.” Celestia said.

“So... You are pretty much saying... That we are stuck here indefinitely?” Jed asked in quiet tone. Celestia nodded her head as Jed walked backwards and landed on Twilight’s couch before he buried his face in his hands and sat there.

“What have I missed?!” Mark said now extremely awake. “Shit, I fell asleep... I missed something important didn’t I?”

“Yeeeeah. You may not like this.” Twilight began.

“Then don’t tell me.” Mark said, standing up.

“Well we are gonna have to tell ya anyway.” Twilight said nervously. So with that they sat Mark down and let Celestia re-explain what had happened to them.

“Well that fucking sucks.” Mark said, with a small sad face.

“You’re taking this a lot better than your friend is.” Celestia said.

“Eh.... I’m a gamer, you get used to defeat after a while.” Mark said shrugging.

“THIS FUCKING SUCKS!” Jed suddenly shouted to the sky and then turned the others. “Sorry just had to get that out.”

Author's Notes:

Well? Whadda y'all think?

Chapter 2: New beginning, New friends, And most importantly... New headphones

“So are you good now?” Twilight asked Jed as he paced back and forth. Everyone had left to do their duties and jobs while Twilight was left to look after the two humans and help them get on their hooves- er... Feet.

“Yep.” He replied in a monotone voice.

“Then why are you pacing?” Twilight asked.

“Helps relieve stress... Usually, I would draw in my sketch pad, but I don’t have that with me. I left it in Mark’s car.” Jed said stopping for a moment. “Where is his car anyway?”

There was some muffled music in the background, coming from the outside. “Ah... That would be his car.” Jed said facepalming. He dragged his hand down his face before he walked to the door and opened it up to see the cheverly had attracted quite the crowd. “Son of a bitch, this just can’t be easy can it?”

The music the car was blaring out was attracting lots of attention to Mark, but thank god for tinted windows. And he was also ignoring a lot of the ponies outside the car, cause why the fuck not? Jed sighed and looked inside to Twilight, who just shrugged. He rolled his eyes and took a small breath before walking out towards the car and tapping on the window, trying to not pay attention to the hundreds of eyes that were staring at him like he had grown a second head.

“Yo! Marky open up!” Jed said as he tapped on the window.

“Hmm?” Mark said as he rolled down the window, and blasted music. The first thing Jed did was reach in and turn the overbearing volume of the music down and said.

“Unlock the back, so I can grab my art supplies.”

“Right...” Mark said and reached for a button to unlock the back door of the car. There was a small pop and the back doors were unlocked. “There we go.”

“Thank ya kindly.” Jed said as he pulled himself out of the car window and to the back door of the car. He opened up the door before grabbing his computer bag and a small knapsack with all of his art supplies in it, including his sketch pad, pencils, and colors. He threw his Knapsack over his shoulder. while he carried the computer bag in his left hand. With a small hum he smiled at having his drawing supplies around. He never went anywhere without it. ‘Better to have it around when I get an idea than later when it gets all morphed in my mind.’ He thought as he walked back to the library.

“Huh.... Oh yeah they have electricity here.”

“Yeah. Didn’t you notice the phone in Twilight’s house? Or the light switch?” Jed said snickering as he walked back to the treehouse.

“NO! I DID NOT!” Mark yelled out. “Anyhow! I’m taking the chevy out for a spin!”

“Don’t crash!” Jed said waving his hand behind him as he entered the house and closed the door. After around five minutes Mark came back carrying a giant computer in his arms.

“God damn this thing weighs!”

“Told you not to bring it, wait a minute aren't you going for a ri- nevermind my brain will just hurt if you tell me.” Jed said shrugging as he walked over to the couch and sat next to Twilight. He pulled out his sketch pad and a pencil while Mark just put the computer down and was on his way to go pick up the rest of his equipment, when Twilight saw the overly power, and expensive, computer Jed could hear her jaw nearly snap at the hinges as it dropped. With a bored expression, he used one hand to close her mouth while he continued to simply sketch a drawing of what he was looking at a moment ago.

“Please try not to drool. I’d like to not have to buy a new sketch pad.” Jed said as he never took his eyes off of his drawing. Twilight shook her head and gave a small scowl to Jed before looking back to the computer and staring at it intently.

“What in Celestia’s name is that?” She muttered as she continued to examine the computer from her spot on the couch.

“It’s computer.” Jed said as he drew a few lines. Twilight rolled her eyes and walked over to the computer as she began to examine every little detail about it. “Seriously it’s just a high tech computer. Nothing special.”

“Yeahyeahyeahyeah, just hush up for a second.” Twilight said waving a hand at Jed. “This is intriguing. The computers we have now are not as advanced as this.”

Mark just walked in again with a keyboard under one arm and a twenty four inch screen under the other, although it was kinda slipping. “Shit, shit... Shiiiiiiiii....”

“Prop your elbow.” Jed said as he drew a line on his pad. Mark adjusted his grip on the monitor for a moment before it stopped slipping.

“Haha!” Mark said victoriously as he walked over to his computer and put everything down, he also took out a mouse from his pocket with a mouse pad from his other.

“Maybe you shouldn’t have that on the living room table.” Jed said as he looked up from his pad for a second.

Mark just then quickly moved everything down on the floor. “That’s even worse.” Jed said deadpanning.

“Well, where do you suggest I put them?” Mark asked.

“Ask Twilight for a room with a desk maybe? THAT might work!” Jed said with a big smile on his face.

“Fuck you.” Mark said before looking at Twilight, who was still kinda drooling over his computer. “See what you like miss?”

“Huh wha?” Twilight said as she snapped out of her trance.

“Not bad eh?” Mark said gently tapping his computer.

“Humph. Showing off again. How rude.” Jed said in a posh accent before snickering to himself. “I make myself chuckle.”

“You suck.” Mark said.

“Okay, just because I am bi, doesn’t mean you can insult me like that.” Jed deadpanned. Then he tossed his pad over to Mark. “Tell, does that look about right?”

Mark just picked it up and looked at Jed's drawing pad. “The fuck is this?”

“I dunno. I sketched the closest thing next to me.” Jed said shrugging.

“It’s incredible accurate, I must say that.” Mark said, looking up from the sketch pad and at Twilight. “Wow.... Well, the bottocks part is just a bit off.”

“Really?” Jed said getting up and walking over. “I thought I got everything good.”

Mark just started pointing to the area and began to critique. “You see, its not as..... Formed or shapely... It’s like you didn’t even look there.”

“Oh come on dude, I’m an artist! I look at everything!” Jed said as he took back the sketch pad and looked from it. To Twilight. Then back to the pad. Then back to Twilight. And finally back to the pad. “Oh... I didn’t look there. Thanks!”

With that he went back to the couch and sat down before doing a bit of erasing and re-sketching. Twilight just blinked confused for a moment before saying. “What are you two talking about?”

“This...” Jed said as he turned the the sketch pad around with the fixed ‘Mistake’ and showed Twilight. She instantly went crimson in the face as she saw what Jed and Mark were talking about. She looked from Mark to Jed, both of which were simply sitting there confused. “What’s with the blush?”

“I~ Gotta go! Don’t mess up the place while I am gone!” She said quickly and running out of the building. Jed blinked before shrugging.

“Okay dokie.” Jed said going back to his picture. “... Now what do I draw? There’s nothing interesting in here! Just books, books, and more books!”

“Well.... Why don’t you..... Go out and..... Explore then.... Ye fucking cunt.” Mark deadpanned.

“What is with you and swearing lately?” Jed asked as he packed up his knapsack and stood up.

“I’m bored.... Or broed.... Your choice....” Mark said, as he walked towards the front door.

“Oh yeah... Like that power outage. Didn’t know you could use the word ‘Fuck’ that many times in a sentence.” Jed said as he walked to the front door and walked out as he just chose some random direction to walk in. “Welp, I am off to mingle with the public and probably get myself in trouble. See ya on the gallows.”

“Sure...” Mark said walking over to the Camaro and picking up his guitar, then walking backing inside, before coming out again with some keys. He then closed the trunk, walk up to the shotgun seat opening the door, putting the guitar in the front seat walking around the car and getting in the driver seat before driving away to some random part of town.

Jed walked around town looking at all the random sites and many ponies that he passed. Mostly getting strange stares, he didn’t do much other than smile and wave occasionally. As he was walking around he heard the sound of wings flapping. He blinked and looked behind him and then in front of him before he remembered. ‘Oh right... Wings. Look up ya freaking derp.’ He thought as he looked up.

Mistake on his part.

As he looked up he was pummeled by a flash of grey and golden. Be he knew what was going on, he and whatever hit him were sent tumbling down the street and came to a stop with Jed flat on his back and something laying on top of him. He groaned and and opened his eyes to see lots grey fur. That’s when he heard a voice.

“Oh my gosh! I am so sorry! Wait... What are you?” He heard a sweet and happy voice say. He blinked a bit before realizing he couldn’t really breathe all that well. “Hellooo? Are you there?”

“Can’t.... Breathe!” He gasped/mumbled out of whatever was holding him down.

“Oh! Whoops!” He heard the voice say before he felt someone pull up and shift so that whoever or whatever was on top of him was now sitting on his stomach. He let in a gasp of air and looked up as he filled his lungs with the sweet life giving oxygen. “Better now?”

“Yeah...” Jed said as he coughed a bit and looked at who was sitting or standing in front of him. He blinked as he saw another mare with grey fur, a blond mane, and golden eyes that seemed to look off in different directions. She was wearing, what he assumed was, a postal outfit, that complimented her body rather well, and had a large bag of mail next to her confirming his theory. He also noticed that the pressure that was on his stomach was in fact this random mare.

He also noticed that if she was the thing that landed on him. And she just lifted off of him. That meant... His face instantly went crimson. ‘Suffocation by boobs... Not the worst way to go.’ He thought as his blush began to fade.

“Uum... Can you get off of me?” Jed asked making the mare blush and quickly hop off of him and hold out a hand for him to pull himself up with. He gladly accepted the gesture and pulled himself up as he began to dust himself off.

“Okay, I am so sorry mister! I didn’t mean to-” The mare began.

“Hey it’s okay! I have been hit with a car before. That was nothing compared to that.” Jed said waving a hand. Then he held out his hand and smiled. “The name is Jed by the way.”

“Derpy Hooves!” She said smiling as well and shaking his hand. “Well I am sorry to crash and fly, but I have to get going!”

“No problem. Nice ‘meeting’ you Miss Hooves.” Jed said as she chuckled and took flight. He waved as she left and looked around where he was. He blinked as she had no clue where he was. He shrugged and saw a store with a double whole note on the sign. He blinked again and sighed as he had nothing better to do.

He walked over and into the store as it gave a small ‘Wub’ announcing that he had entered. It looked like any music store you would find, only this place had everything. Guitars, drums, amps, music CDs, you name a modern instrument or musical type, this place probably had it. Plus the nice dubstep song playing through the speakers wasn’t half bad and made the atmosphere even better.

“Welcome to ‘The Drop’! The finest music store in Ponyvi-... Oh cool!” Jed heard as someone run up behind him and spun him around, making him dizzy as hell. When his vision stopped spinning, he saw a snow white unicorn mare, a bit shorter than him, with electric blue hair that was double toned and seemed to stick out everywhere. She was wearing a light grey hoodie with a set of, again lighting blue, jeans and solid black fingerless gloves. One thing that struck him as odd, was the fact that this mare was wearing a set of large black rimmed and purple lensed goggles.

“You must be that thing that came out of Twilight’s house!” She said. ‘Thing? Ouch.’ “Lots of ponies thought you and your friend were scary or something. You seem harmless to me!”

“Well thanks for securing my masculinity.” Jed said rolling his eyes which made the mare giggle. “The name’s Jed by the way. Me and my friend are Humans incase you are wondering.”

“Vinyl Scratch’s the name! Selling and creating music is my game!” She said giving Jed a thumbs up and a smile. Jed chuckled this time and nodded.

“Nice you to meet ya, Miss Scratch.” He said smiling as well. Vinyl just frowned and gave him a punch to the arm. “Ow! What I do?”

“Don’t call me ‘Miss’! I don’t like it.” She said before chuckling. “Call me Vinyl, Scratch, or DJ, but never ever miss.”

“Well alright then.” Jed said rubbing his arm and chuckling with her. Soon they talked about their hobbies and such, which mostly revolved around Jed’s drawing and Vinyl’s music. When Vinyl asked about Jed’s music from his world, he pulled out his phone and went to the music menu. Before either of them knew it, the store’s open sign was turned to say closed and they were rocking out to some Skrillex and Deadmau5.

“These guys are amazing!” Vinyl said as the beats ended. Jed smiled widely as the song ended, but the smile fell when he saw Vinyl got a wicked smile. “Say... Do you like doing dares?”

“Depends on the dare. Humiliation or just plain stupid type of dare?” Jed asked.

“Humiliation.” Vinyl said. Jed nodded and chuckled.

“Alright... Fine. What’s the dare?” He asked.

“I get to pick a song from your list of music here.” She began. ‘Okay doesn’t seem so bad.’ “And you have to dance to it in the middle of town square.” ‘Aaaaaaaaaaand there it is.’

“Hmmm....” Jed thought about it.

“And to make things interesting, if you do the whole song, I will give you a new set of headphones.” Vinyl said holding out her hand. “And if you chicken out, I get to swipe this phone MP3 thing for a week to listen to the music on it for inspiration. Deal?

“When did this turn into a bet?” Jed asked smiling.

“Just now furless, now you up to it or not?” She asked. Jed thought about it for a moment.

“A good set of headphones?” He asked.

“I’ll even get the ones that are damn near indestructible and have the best sound quality.” She said grinning wickedly. “And you have to truly dance. None of that swaying from side to side stuff.”

“Okay... You’re on!” Jed said grabbing her hand and shaking it up and down. “And Furless? Seriously?”

“It’s your new nickname, Furless.” She said poking his side. He poked her back and said.

“Alright Goggles.” He said snickering.

[-------------]

Everyone was walking around when suddenly Vinyl wheeled in one of her massive amps and the human that everyone had seen walking around town walked over and climbed onto a table before he stretched his arms out and rolled his neck.

Vinyl pulled out a microphone and said. “Everyone! Get over here and watch Ponyville’s newest human resident dance his flank off to one of his songs from home!”

Jed shook his head and began to regret the decision of taking this bet. He now had a good crowd of at least thirty random ponies and he shook his head to clear the thoughts before he heard the opening to a song that he knew by heart. At that moment, he would win, and oh so sweet the glory of the victory would be.

As the song’s beats began to play he grinned widely and casted a wicked glance at Vinyl which made her turn pale again. With that he immediately began to dance.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BIZJAXDFz4g

As the song ended he crossed his arms and turned to Vinyl Scratch before shouting out the last line of the song. “THANK YOU DJ!”

Everyone in the crowd was silent and Jed saw a few jaws drop as he jumped off of the table and walked up to Vinyl. As he hit the ground everyone began to clap and cheer in approval. “Now about those headphones.” He said smiling wryly.

“You bastard! You tricked me!” She shouted smiling as she punched his arm and handed him back his phone. “You knew I would pick that song didn’t you!?”

“Actually no! It’s just that one song is the only song on my phone that I will willingly dance to, no matter who is watching.” Jed said laughing. Vinyl just sighed and began to push the amp back to her place. Jed walked up next to her and pushed it with her making it go faster. Vinyl just shook her head and thanked him.

As they got back to the shop, Vinyl pushed the amp back into place and then went into the back of the shop. She gave him the ‘One moment please’ gesture and disappeared. Jed just sighed and grabbed his knapsack which he left here while he would make a fool of himself. He pulled out his sketch pad and began to draw on it with a pencil he pulled out of the bag.

After a few minutes, Vinyl came back with Jed’s new headphones in her hand. She stopped as she saw him sketching and walked up slowly and quietly as she could. She walked over to the side of him and saw what he was sketching and immediately blushed. She cleared her throat and watched as he stopped and looked up to see her.

“Oh hello!” He said smiling.

“Hey, I, uh, got your headphones.” She said trying to hide her blush. Jed smiled and stood up as he held the sketch pad in his hands.

“Really? Awesome!” He said happily. She handed him a set of over-the-ear headphones with a double note on one side which was gold. The headphones themselves were solid black and the cushioned inside was a metallic purple. “Oh my god these are freaking awesome Vinyl! Thanks!”

He hugged the mare which caused her to gasp at the sudden contact before she smiled and hugged back. “Well you earned’em, Furless.” She said snickering.

“Yeah yeah... Thanks again though...” He said smiling. He then put the headphones around his neck and began to put his stuff away.

“Hey...” Vinyl began. “Can I, uh, see what you drew?”

“Hmm? Oh yeah sure!” He said pulling the sketch pad out again and hand it to Vinyl. She blushed again as she saw what he drew. “Ya like it?”

“Like it?” She began as she looked up and smiled. “I think this is awesome! You drew this while I was in the back?”

“Yeah, but that is just a sketch. You can have it if you want.” Jed said shrugging as he grabbed the picture and was about to tear it out before he snapped his fingers and pulled out his phone. He took a quick picture of the sketch and then tore it out before handing it to Vinyl. “Sorry, I like to remember what I’ve drawn, even if I give it away.”

“Believe me, I know what you mean.” Vinyl said chuckling as she looked over the photo. Jed patted her on the back and walked to the entrance of the store.

“See ya later Vinyl!” Jed said as he walked to the door.

“Huh?... Oh wait!” Vinyl said as she ran over and slid to a stop.

“Yeah?” Jed asked with his hand on the door.

“I was just wondering if you wanted to hang out again?” She said.

“Are you kidding? Of course I do! You’re one of the first ponies to warm up to me. And you gave me a sweet set of headphones.” Jed said smiling. “Of course we are going to hang out again. In fact if you need me, I’m stuck at Twilight’s house until everything gets sorted out.”

“Alright! Um... See ya later then!” She said as Jed walked out of the store and down the street.

“Bye Goggles!” He shouted back receiving an angry huff in return which made him snicker.

“Today was a good day.” Jed said as he put the headphones onto his head and plugged them into his phone before starting some tunes. And nearly having a musicgasm right there due to the headphones. ‘Vinyl wasn’t lying. These headphones are fucking amazing.’

As Mark was driving down the road, he was sitting there with a small smile, and enjoying the scenery around him. He drove for what like a few more minutes before a raccoon just ran in front of the car, and unfortunately for Mark he could not steer away or break in time, so he hit the poor thing. “Why god?!”

He cringed at the sound of the bumping and the visible blood on the windshield. He rolled a few more meters before stopping and muttering to himself. “Please be a cat, please be a cat, please be a cat.”

He then spared a glance in the back view mirror and saw that it was a raccoon. “Oh its a raccoon.... Close enough....” Mark muttered out as he looked in the rear view mirror, and noticed that.... Well everything was everywhere. “OH GOD! WHY?!”

“Oh.... Oh... Oh man, oh come on really?” Mark complained. “Its everywhere..... Why god?”

Mark just stayed in the car and looked at the the dead raccoon, he almost vomited from the sight, but managed to hold it in. ‘What do?’ he thought as he looked suspiciously... You can say the suspicion he was giving off was too damn high.

He started backing up with the car, but he did it a bit too fast so he almost hit the dead raccoon again, he then stopped got out and reluctantly picked up the corpse. “Why god? Why? Why...”

Mark looked around and spotted a nearby forest and ran into it, after maybe a good thirty second run into it, he found a small ditch and threw the raccoon into it, he then looked at his blood soaked hands and shuddered, he looked around and found a stream of water and started to clean himself up. Whilst he was doing this he started to sob, but only shed three tears.

“Why god? Why did you do this? What have I done to deserve this?” Mark asked as he scrubbed himself clean. After a few minutes of scrubbing he returned to his car, and got in, then started to drive away when he realized something.

“It’s just a damn raccoon, it eats out of garbage. Why the fuck did I panic? Why did I even care in the first place?! WHY GOD?!” Mark yelled out in the car as he drove back to town, after a short while, he arrived back and heard some loud music be playin’. As he pulled up into the Town Square, he saw one of the most foolish and slightly humorous sights he could have ever seen. It was Jed dancing on a table for a crowd while the song ‘DJ got us falling in love again’ was playing.

The first thing that came to mind was “LOL NOPE.” before Mark slammed the pedal to the medal, turned the car around and drove out of town. He kept driving down the same road for about five minutes before he saw a giant apple orchard, which belonged to the apple family apparently. Since he was looking for a place to chill he parked right outside the orchard, and then exited the car. He also grabbed his guitar and ventured into the Orchard.

After half a minute or so he sat down under a apple tree, and chilled, before starting to play his guitar, he played one particular tune, which have been stuck in his head for quite some time.

Don’t fear the Reaper.

As he started out playing, he played a few notes before starting to sing.

“All our times have come.”

He then played some more notes before continuing.

“Here but now they are gone. Seasons don't fear the reaper. Nor do the wind, the sun or the rain.”

He continued singing for a little while before he stopped at the sound of someone walking over to him through the brush.

“Who is out ‘ere in the fields?!” A southern voice said as a orange pony, with no wings nor horn, came out of the brush and looked directly at Mark. “Oh... It’s just you.”

“Afternoon miss.” Mark said as he tipped his cap.

“Well nice to see you too, Mark.” The orange pony said.

“I see you got my name, would only be polite to ask for yours.” Mark said, with a gentle smile.

“Well, ah am Applejack. I was back at the library when you woke up. Guess ah forgot to introduce myself.” Applejack said.

“Ah.... Its okay miss, everyone makes mistakes.” Mark said politely.

“You... Are a bit more polite than what I remember.” Applejack said narrowing her eyes.

“Well, not everyone is what one seems.” Mark said,

“You were yelling profanities at the top of your lungs and insulting your friend.” Applejack deadpanned.

“Eh, he’s used to it, we have known each other for like, what? Ten years.”

“And you’re how old?” Applejack said.

“Twenty two.” Mark replied simply.

“So you met’em when you were twelve?” Applejack asked.

“Yep. I still remember the day.” Mark said as he leaned his head back.

Two kids walked down the hall until they bumped into each other.

“Fuck you!” One said.

“Fuck you too dude!” The other replied. They had a glaring contest for about ten minutes then the first kid said.

“Sooo... What’s your next class?”

“Oh, I have science.” The second said slumping a bit.

“That blows, I have P.E.”

“Lucky.”

“And that is how you met?” Applejack asked.

“Don’t judge me! Or us....” Mark said. “Humans are weird that way.”

“... I believe yah.” Applejack said shaking her head and chuckling. “So what are you doing out here in mah family’s orchard?”

“Just chillin’... If you don’t mind me doing that...” Mark said.

“Well as long as you don’t go taking any apples, you’re free to ‘chill’ here. In all honesty I don’t mind if you even climb up and sleep in the trees, just as long as you don’t go and do nuthin’ stupid.” Applejack said snickering.

“Don’t worry, Ma’am. I will behave.” Mark said nodding at her.

“Alright and just call me Applejack. You ain’t a foal in trouble.” She said as she laughed and walked away.

“Alright, Applejack! I’ll see you around!” Mark yelled after her.

“See ya Mark! Don’t go and get yourself in a jam aight?” Applejack yelled back as she disappeared in the vast orchard of trees. Mark chuckled and played his guitar a bit more before he fell asleep due to the crazy, some would say laughable, day he had.

Later, Mark woke up in a bed. He looked around confused as he was in a room that, he didn’t remember he had fallen asleep in. He saw that his guitar was place against the wall, and the sun was just about to set, he had a small headache, not really sure why, but he got up and picked up his guitar. He looked around again and saw an empty chair and walked over to it and sat down.

As he walked over he noticed a lot of girly things in the room, which made him even more confused. As he sat down he thought of a song to play, which happened to be one of his favorites too.

It was Don’t you worry child by Swedish House Mafia.

As he started to play, he began singing very softly.

“There was a time, I used to look into my father’s eyes.
In a happy home, I was the king, I had a golden throne.
Those days are gone, now the memory on the wall.
I hear the songs, from the places where I was born.”

What Mark didn’t notice, was that Applejack slowly opened the door and stood in the doorway, with a little smile on her face. That was until, the door creaked and caught Marks attention. She just chuckled nervously and walked in before saying.

“Just wanted to check tah see if y’all were up.” Applejack said rubbing the back of her head.

“Right.... Uh.... Um.... Yeahhh....” Mark said rubbing the back of his head.

“Also, Twilight told me to tell you, that you need to get to the library before it gets dark. You’re car is outside by the way.” Applejack said.

“God damn it, this is like high school all over again.... Except that now I don’t got Mom, I got a overpowered magical unicorn....” Mark muttered, as he stood up.

“Well just don’t do nuthin to tick her off, and y’all be fine.” Applejack said chuckling.

“Thats easier said than done, Applejack.” Mark said with a small smile.

“Well you gotta good five minutes before the sun goes down. So you might want to get ya flank out into the fancy car o’ yours and git!” Applejack said.

“I’m goin’ I’m goin’.... Moooom.” Mark said as walked past Applejack.

“You better before I whoop your flank for that baksas!” Applejack threatened and laughed evilly.

“Nope!” Mark said before speeding down the stair and out the door, he quickly came back and yelled. “Thanks for letting me stay here!” before speeding away again.

“Y’all are welcome!” Applejack shouted laughing as he zoomed off.

Jed was sitting inside with his ‘Musicgasm’ headphones over his ears as he was listening to some music as he sketched the nearest thing to him, which happened to be the window looking over the nightsky. Twilight was pacing around the library biting the ends of her fingers.

“Where is he!?” She shouted finally.

“He’ll be fine.” Jed said as he didn’t even look up from his pad.

“How would you know!?” Twilight shouted. He looked up from his pad and stared at her. “... Right. Dumb question.”

There was a somewhat loud rumble in the distance, and it got louder as it got closer, after a short while there was some screeching and sliding from the outside before a car door opened and slammed shut before someone stormed through the front door.

“Shitshitshitshitshit!” Mark muttered out as he came through the door.

“Ta dah!” Jed shouted. “I do mag

“Oh right, thats totally true.” Mark said sarcastically as he closed the front door.

“Where have you been mister!” Twilight shouted walking over and standing right in front of Mark.

“Oh....Fuck.” Mark said as he backed up into a wall. “Eh.....”

“I was worried sick you know that!?” Twilight shouted at mark. “I was sitting here pacing around thinking you got lost or something!”

“Uh....” Mark just stood there looking uncomfortable. “Um.... Yeah....”

“I even thought that you got eaten by Timberwolves or a Manticore! Do you know what I would have done if that happened!?” Twilight said.

“Uh.... N-No?” Mark said reluctantly.

“Neither do I!” She shouted. “You are my responsibility until you guys get your own jobs and home, so until then you will be home before sundown unless you have told me otherwise! Do you understand me, mister?!” Twilight said.

Mark just mumbled something.

“What was that!?” Twilight snapped.

“Yes mom!” Mark said quickly.

“That’s what I thought! Now go to your room!” Twilight said pointing to a guestroom with Mark’s name on it.

“Wait I have a room?” Mark asked.

“Yeah, I moved your stuff while you were out.” Twilight said smiling.

“Nice.....” Mark said with a smile and nodding his head.

“March!” Twilight shouted.

“Ahh!” Mark yelled out before running to his room, and entering.

“Well then...” Jed said as he went to his sketch again.

“You too!” Twilight shouted.

“What did I do!?” Jed complained.

“I heard how you made moves on Vinyl! That’s not allowed! Go to your room!” She shouted.

“But those were just gestures! Not making moves!!” Jed argued.

“No buts! GO!” She shouted.

“Aaaah!” Jed said as he grabbed his stuff and ran upstairs into his room. As everything was quiet Twilight looked around before smiling smugly.

“That’s how you do it Twilight. No one pushes you around.” She said smugly as she walked upstairs and went to bed. Mark just poked his head out of his room before running out and out of the library quickly, before returning inside with a pillow under his arm.

“Phew, got Mr.Pillow.... Now quick before the purple beast wakes up.” Mark said.

“MARK IS THAT YOU!?” Twilight shouted.

“Hnnnng...” Mark said holding a hand over his heart and running into his room.

Author's Notes:

Another chapter out! YAY! Tell me what you guys think of it!

Chapter 3: Job Hunting!... And something else.

It was a sunny morning in Equestria while Twilight had gotten one of Two humans up the most energy efficient way possible. Yanking the blankets off. Some yelling, water, and new clothes later, Jed was up and about with munching on a Banana.

“So what are you making us do today?” Jed asked Twilight as he took another bite of his banana. “Nomnomnom.”

“You and Mark are going to find jobs today.” She said plainly.

“Well... I guess I could ask Vinyl for a job... Naw, I don’t know enough about music anyway. Hmmm this may be harder than I thought.” Jed said as he put a hand on his chin. Then he looked around for a moment before saying. “Wait a minute.... Mark isn’t up yet!”

“Oh I’ll go get him.” Twilight said as she walked upstair and gently knocked on Mark’s door. “Mark? Wake up! You gotta go job hunting today!”

The door was slightly open, so you could see inside, and Mark as his computer was hooked up. Had Mr.Pillow in his arms and was playing the computer, all night, because fuck everything. He was also listening to music quite loudly too.

“Ah... He won’t be much use today.” Jed said as he took another bite of his Banana.

“Well... I am going to at least make him get some sleep.” Twilight said stepping into the room and tapping Mark on the shoulder.

“Hmm?” He mused as he took of his headphones. “What? .... Holy shit I’m tired.”

“Maybe you should go to sleep now.” Twilight said.

“Ah.... No... I just gotta... Complete this match first... Please mom.” Mark said looking at Twilight with tired eyes. “Oh... so tired.”

Twilight just rolled her eyes and turned the computer off before picking Mark up with magic and tossing him onto the bed before walking to the door. “Okay now go to sleep.” She said simply.

“But that... Match... It was.... It.... Oh... Mr.Pillow you are so comfy.... Ahh.” Mark muttered as he slowly fell asleep. She walked out just as Jed was grabbing his things and walking out the door.

“Where are you going?” Twilight asked.

“Job hunting!” Jed shouted as he walked outside. He closed the door and sighed as he looked around. With his Headphones around his neck and his hat on his head, he walked around Ponyville looking for any job opening he could possibly fill. He sighed as he had found no ‘Help wanted’ signs and walked over to the park before he sat on a bench and pulled out his Sketch pad. He simply sketched a the hills and trees that littered the park as he sighed annoyed.

“No jobs, and nothing I can do for bits. I know that no one wants to be drawn by a alien. Learned that from Twilight. Vinyl is an exception. She is cool.” He muttered to himself. He looked up in the sky before he saw a Rainbow trail in the sky that linger for a moment before it faded. It happened again as he noticed it get larger and larger as it skipped around the sky. He blinked for a moment until there was a Rainbow tail hanging from a cloud literally no more than a few meters away.

“You’re horrible at hiding Rainbow Dash!!” Jed shouted at the cloud. There was a split second before Jed was face first in the ground with no idea of what just happened. “Ow... Pain.”

“What are you doing out here all alone!? I thought Twilight was supposed to be watching you or something!” Rainbow Dash shouted as Jed lifted his head and saw her sitting on his back and keeping him from getting up.

“Well one: I was out here trying to think of places I could get a job and two: Twilight is providing Me and Mark a place to stay until we get said jobs and purchase a house.” Jed said before he laid his head back down. It was a while before Jed spoke up again. “Although considering what job Mark had back on Earth, he most likely will not get a job... For a long, long... Loooong time.”

“... Um what did he do for a living?” Rainbow asked. Jed lifted his head again.

“Pro gaming.” He said as he laid back down.

“Ah... So wait why aren’t you like getting all angry that I am pinning you to the ground?” Rainbow asked. “Usually ponies hate this.”

“Well normally I would say that it’s something, but I got tackled by my friends greyhounds so many times that it turned into a normal occurrence.” Jed said shrugging in the dirt. “Plus you ponies are really light.”

“Well that may be because I am a pegasus. Porous bones make it easier to fly and hover due to the decreased weight.” Rainbow Dash said smirking. Jed just hummed for a moment before he simply pulled out his arms and pushed himself up so he was out of the dirt and scrunched up his legs into a crouching position making Rainbow tumble off of his back. “Woaaah!”

As she hit the ground Jed snickered a bit and stood up completely while stretching and letting out a few loud pops as he sighed in relief. Then he turned around and held out his hand to Rainbow Dash who simply slapped his hand away and got up herself.

“I don’t need your help.” Rainbow snarled. “You no good, dirty, stinking ape!”

“...Ow...” Jed said honestly hurt a bit as he put a hand over his heart. “That was mean...”

“Yeah well!.... You’re stupid!” Rainbow said huffing.

“Aawww... You’re so mean! I don’t like you or your skittle hair anymore!” Jed said as he turned and ran away. “You’re a bitch!”

Soon Jed was in the town again, only feeling really glum about Rainbow being mean to him, and sighed as he walked around town. Soon he stumbled upon a familiar grey mare that was walking through town.

“Oh hey mister Human!” The crossed eyed mare said smiling.

“Oh hey Derpy.” Jed said in a sad tone as he walked past. Derpy just scrunched up her nose as she noticed his glum attitude and began to follow him.

“Hey what’s wrong?” She asked as she followed the downtrodden human. He just sighed and told her about his small encounter with Rainbow Dash and her apparent hatred for humans as they walked and stopped at the sugar cube corner for a drink and a bite.

“What!? She said that!?” Derpy almost shouted.

“Yeah tell me about it.” Jed said resting his cheek into left hand and sighing.

“Well if it makes you feel any better, you don’t smell to me.” Derpy said smiling. Jed just chuckled and rolled his eyes.

“Thanks I guess...” He said smiling. When Pinkie hopped over Jed didn’t order anything, due to him not having any bits. “Sorry Pinks, I can’t get anything. Don’t got a job yet.”

“What? Oh well that won’t do! You need money to earn bits, and bits to purchase stuff! Like food and games and cakes and soda and-” Pinkie randomly began to list off.

“Okay okay! I get it!... Do you know any place that would hire a human?” Jed asked curiously. Pinkie’s brow furrowed as she put a hand on her chin and her elbow in her hand. She hummed for a while before a lightbulb, don’t know how, appeared over her head and she snapped her fingers.

“Oh oh! Miss Zecora needs some help in the forest gathering herbs and stuff! You could check there!” Pinkie said smiling. “She usually has some spare bits laying around and can always use the help!”

Jed just smiled and put a hand on his chin before shrugging. “Why not? I need something to take my mind off of earlier anyway. Where does she live?” He asked.

“Oh she lives in the Everfree Forest!” Pinkie said smiling , but Derpy cringed at the forest’s name. Jed just ignored her reactions and nodded.

“Thanks Pinks. When I get some bits, this’ll be one of the first places I come to alright?” Jed said as he walked towards the door. Pinkie just smiled widely and nodded as she bounced away. As Jed was walking around he was suddenly tackled again, only not as rough as when Rainbow tackled him. Still it hurt. “Ow... What’s with everyone tackling me?”

“Oops! Sorry! I just don’t want you going into the forest! It’s not right!” Derpy said as she picked Jed up.

“How so?” Jed asked dusting himself off.

“It’s not natural! The clouds move on their own, the creatures fend for themselves, and it’s full of monsters!” Derpy said shivering. Jed just blinked at her before his expression went stoic.

“That’s my world in a nutshell...” He deadpanned as Derpy gasped.

“WHAT!?” She shouted. “How do you even survive in that!?”

“Well.... It’s easy. You either keep yourself hidden or you carry a gun.” Jed said shrugging as he walked to the edge of the town with Derpy. “So where is this forest?”

“O-over there.” Derpy said as she nervously pointed a finger at the large forest about 5 miles away from ponyville.

“Aw man, I need to hike?... Fuck that, can I borrow a bike?” Jed asked. Derpy just put a hand to her muzzle as her nose scrunched up again. Then she smile and snapped her fingers before flying away and soon driving back on a motorcycle looking thing. Only instead of a gas tank there was a large glowing yellow crystal. Derpy was smiling happily as she was wearing a helmet and had a second on her lap.

“I got you a bike!” She said smiling. Jed blinked and shook his head before putting the helmet on and walking over to her and making a ‘Scoot over’ gesture. “What? But it’s my bike!”

“I know, but no offense... I don’t exactly trust your... Eyesight?” Jed said cringing hoping not to insult her. She looked off for a minute then sighed and nodded. “Sorry if I offended you.”

“No no, it’s alright. I guess I wouldn’t want to wreck up anyway...” She said sadly as she scooted backwards and let Jed get into of her. “Not even my bike. It’s my roommate’s, she lets me borrow it when I need it.”

“Hey, if it makes you feel any better, I was the clumsiest guy in my school.” Jed said as he looked over the motorbike. It was the same as one on earth only real difference was the fuel.

“Really?” She asked.

“Oh yeah, I tripped over everything, ran into everything, and even walked off of the bleachers one time thinking I was on the ground.” He said snickering making Derpy giggle.

“Well what happened?”

“I got these special glasses that helped make my eyes focus. Still have them for when my vision gets awkward.” He said smiling. “My greatest blunder was I was at a swimming pool and I walked right off of the diving board, ten feet up! Just went into the pool like a sack full of bricks.”

That made Derpy laugh out loud as Jed started the motorcycle and sped off towards the forest, soon they arrived at the entrance and Jed got off the bike and gave Derpy the helmet before waving as she rode off back towards Ponyville, slightly swerving about, but mostly maintaining her course. Jed just chuckled at the awkward mare before walking into the forest and following the path.

“Over the river and through the woods, to grandmother’s house we go!” He sang quietly before realizing something rather vital. “I have no idea where I am going.”

He looked around and saw the same set of trees everywhere, and only the path going two ways. The one behind him and the one in front of him. He looked between the two before sighing. He looked up and saw only the canopy of the forest. He shook his head and walked down the way he was already going. Whistling a small tune, he tried not to get creeped out by the forest and kept on his merry way. He was startled out of his walk when he heard a voice.

“Strang being indeed, but maybe he is only out to feed.” A lovely voice said as he turned around and saw a Zebra staring at him with a small smile. She was about the same height as Twilight and was wearing a cloak of sorts while all that was underneath was a leather skirt and tank top that was cut off a few inches above her bellybutton.

“Oh... Um hi!” Jed said waving.

“Oh he speaks? For a creature of the everfree, you are quite unique!” The zebra said smiling.

“Oh no you are mistaken Miss Zebra, I am not from the everfree. I... Arrived here with my friend yesterday. We are now apparently permanent residents of Equestria. More specific, Ponyville.” Jed said smiling.

“Oh really? Do you know a purple pony that lives in a tree?” The zebra asked.

“Yes actually, I am living with her until I get a enough money to get a house.” Jed said.

“Ah that is good! Bits are useful unless you want to live in the mud.” She said.

“Yeah I figured that one out.” Jed said chuckling. “Tell me Miss Zebra, are you by chance a Zecora?”

“Why yes I am! I live in this forest, for that is a fact and not a sham.” She said giving a small bow. She took the hood off of her cloak to show a impressive mohawk. “May I inquire, why you come for me at this hour?”

“Well, I was hoping you could possibly have some work for me?” Jed asked. Zecora put a hand on her chin in thought before she walked over and pulled out his arm and pinched a few places making him wince. Then she gently nudged his leg his her hoof and then walked back a few steps before smiling.

“Tell me your title, so that I may not simply see you as idle.” Zecora said.

“Um.. The name is Jed.” Jed said confused.

“And tell me are you a good runner? This will make your job a lot more funner.” She said smiling.

“Uh... Yeah, I can run pretty fast I guess.”

“Good! Now follow me to my hut if you would.” She said waving him over as she lead him down the pathway to her small hut made from a tree. They all walked into the hut were Jed was hit with smell of herbs and ingredients. He stood in front of the door for a the time being while Zecora went back and forth around the room.

After a few minutes of scampering around the place, Zecora came back with a set of leather gloves, a small backpack, and what looked like specimen jars. She handed the first two items to him while she put the jars into the bag. After she took the backpack and slipped it over his shoulders and made him put on the gloves. After that she looked over Jed before she walked over and pulled his hood over his head and zipped up his jacket. Then Zecora smiled and said.

“All set you are, for this journey is not that far.” Zecora said. Jed just shrugged and smiled.

“Just tell me what I am grabbing and I go get it!” Jed said chuckling. Zecora nodded before she walked out of the room and came back with a book that had a few tags in it. She handed him the book and smiled.

“Here is what I need. Please grab the whole plant and not just the seed.” Zecora said as Jed opened the book and saw a small list in the front cover. He read off five random plants he needed to get for Zecora and nodded. He walked out of the hut before she gave him a rather large serrated knife. He blinked and looked at Zecora before she said. “It’s for gathering plants you see....”

He just blinked and nodded again as he walked away, not realizing she wasn’t finished talking. As he walked out of sight, Zecora finished her sentence still confused as to why he didn’t wait for her to finish talking.

“And to protect yourself from and monsters that may be... Whoopsie”

Jed came back huffing and panting as he was covered in tree sap, a little bit of his own blood, a mask shift bandage around his head, and a sap covered knife. He trudged his way back to the hut and knocked on the door before Zecora gasped at his appearance.

“Jed! What happened to your body and head!?” Zecora said as he pulled him inside and sat him down.

“Umm.... I just tripped going down a hill and tumbled for a bit. And landed in a thorn bush.” Jed said chuckling. “And the sap is just from me getting back up the hill. I had to stab a few trees to pull myself up. I didn’t notice there was a easier way up till I was at the top of the hill.”

“So you are okay? Didn’t see any monsters or wolves you say?” Zecora asked as she took the bandage off of his head and put a real one on. Then she got a wet towel and wiped the sap off of his face and some of his clothing. “You are free to go now, And I would understand if you never again wanted to show.”

“Are you kidding? This was fun! Never got any jobs like this back where I am from.” Jed said standing up and taking off the items Zecora gave him and putting all of the things onto her table before heading to the door. “I will be back tomorrow to help out more Miss Zecora!”

Zecora walked over and stopped him before handing him bag of coins. “You have done well, get better and I may give you a better job! But only time will tell.” She said smiling.

Jed smiled back and gave a wave as he unzipped his coat and walked out of the forest. He smiled as he walked out of the forest and noticed that it had been a good two hours that he had been in there and chuckled. He shook his head and looked around before realizing he was five miles away from Ponyville. He sighed and shook his head as he began to walk back towards the town.

As he was walking he noticed a large increase of animals in the area. He looked at where they were all heading then he saw Fluttershy humming a merry tune and laying down food for all the animals. He chuckled as he saw all the animals swarm the area and feast upon the nuts and dried berries that now littered her front yard. He began to walk away before he felt something tumble across his feet.

He looked down to see a small fox kit laying across his foot and staring up at him with her tail wagging. He chuckled at the kit before he bent down and helped her up. She was a aubourn coat with a white tipped tail and belly.

He put the kit onto her paws and began to walk away. He stopped when he noticed something making his right foot drag a bit. He looked behind himself and saw that the kit was chewing on the heel of his pants. He shook his head as he turned around and bent down to pick up the kit. As he did, the little fox used her paws to grab onto his hand and nibble on his thumb as he carried her back to Fluttershy.

“Miss Fluttershy?” He said walking over. Fluttershy let out a ‘EEP’ and whipped around to see him and began to shrink away until she noticed the fox in his arms that was nibbling on his thumb. She tilted her head as she noticed him simply standing there with a small smile as he looked at the kit.

“D-doesn’t that hurt?” She asked. Jed just chuckled and nodded.

“Excruciatingly.” He said laughing as the kit gave him a hard bite making him wince.

“Then why are you letting her do it!” Fluttershy said sounding flustered.

“Well, my mom always told me to never get onto a pup, or fox in this case, unless they are doing something bad. All she is doing is teething.” Jed said wincing again as the fox bit his thumb. “I was actually bringing her back to you.”

“Oh okay...” Fluttershy said as she walked over and took the kit away from Jed making her whimper a bit.

“Aww.... Reminds me of a petshop...” Jed said lowering his head. Fluttershy looked from the kit to Jed before slowly asking.

“Do... Do you want her? To keep that is.” Fluttershy said quietly. Jed lifted his head and placed a hand on his chin as he thought. ‘I do have a job... And foxes are pretty cool animals.’ He thought before smiling.

“Sure! How much is she?” Jed asked. Fluttershy just shook her head and held out the kit.

“Oh no, you can just take her! I was just going to release her back into the Everfree when she was grown up anyway.” Fluttershy said smiling.

“Well... I guess, but... Oh here just take something.” Jed said pulling out the bag of bits and looking inside before realizing how much he got for those plants. The bag wasn’t that big, but it was pretty full. He just shrugged and pulled out at least fifty bits and handed them to Fluttershy while taking the kit from her. She ‘EEP’d again as she looked at the handful of bits in her hand. “What? Is that too little?” Jed asked worried.

“Oh no! This is... Well... A lot.” She said looking away.

“Oh really? I have no idea how currency works here... Sooo... That is probably something that I should get Twilight to teach me and Mark.” Jed said scratching his head and walking away. “Eh, Keep the change! Thanks Fluttershy!”

She gave a weak welcome as he walked away and scratching the small kit’s ears as he walked. Soon he arrived at the town with the little fox chasing his feet and running around sniffing everything. He chuckled and scooped her up as he walked back to the library trying to think of a name to give the kit.

“Hmmm.” Jed hummed to himself as he walked back to the library, which was easy to find considering it is just a giant tree in the middle of town. As he walked back in he snapped his fingers and shouted out.

“RUBY!” He said smiling. Twilight just looked at him weirdly until the little Kit jumped out of his arms and began to hop around the library occasionally crashing to the floor or running into something.

“Sooo... Instead of getting a job... You somehow acquired a fox?” Twilight said as Ruby ran over and bumped into her hoof before shaking her head and running around again.

“Well, I did get a job... But she was just an added bonus while I was coming home.” Jed said smiling. He walked over to the couch and sat down as the little kit ran up and began to paw at his knee. He picked her up and placed her next to him as he heard a very loud yawn from upstairs.

“Nope.” Mark said going back into his room. “I’m too tired for this shit.”

“Oh get down here.” Jed said from the couch.

“No fuck you.” Mark said closing the door. Jed just walked upstairs and pounded on the door for a second.

“Get out.” Jed said simply.

“No, I’mma be fapin’ you go away now.” Mark said, tiredly.

“... You forgot the tissues again didn’t you?” Jed asked.

Mark was quiet for a few seconds before he muttered out. “What? I wasn’t even serious.”

“Then get out here.” Jed said plainly.

“I don’t want to see your fucking puppy.... Fuck you.” Mark said again.

“I was actually going to make you go outside for once but... If you want to stay in there that’s fine.” Jed said walking away from the door.

“Fuck you too man.” Mark muttered as a loud poof was heard from the room. “This bed man.”

“Oh just get out of the fucking room already!” Jed shouted as he walked down the stairs.

“No.” Mark shouted back. Twilight just rolled her eyes and walked upstairs before knocking on the door gently.

“Mark? Get up please.” Twilight said.

“No mom! I don’t wanna.” Mark said.

“Why are you calling me mom?” Twilight asked.

“Because you are kinda acting like her.” Mark said from inside the room.

“So your mom has magic?” Twilight deadpanned.

“Yeah.” Mark said simply.

“Wait really?” Twilight asked.

“No... But I always thought she did.... Then she died... Old age and all that crap.”

“Oh... Well I am sorry... But you still need to get up.” Twilight said simply.

“No.... No... Just no.” Mark said grabbing Mr.Pillow.

“Mark if you don’t come out of there, I will magnet to your hard drive.” Twilight threatened.

A few seconds later, the door burst open and Mark was on the floor. “Right I’m out, not awake though.”

“Then, I’ll go get the magnet.” Twilight said beginning to walk down the stairs.

“Fuuuuck. Wait mom! Waaait!” Mark said trying to reach after Twilight. “God damn it mom!”

“Just get up and I won’t do it.” Twilight said as she went down the stairs.

“Wrooom.” Mark said as he slowly got up. “Fucking hate you guys.”

“Oh you love us.” Jed said from his spot on the couch. A few seconds later the front door clicked. “Wait a minute... Did you watch him get up?”

“No?” Twilight said.

“Oh god damn it...” Jed said as he got up. He walked over to the door and opened it to see Mark walking away. “Where are you goin’!?”

“I have no idea! But Mr.Pillow is with me! So It’s cool! It’s cool man!” Mark shouted as he held up Mr.Pillow in the air as he was walking away.

“Get a job while you’re out!” Jed yelled.

“Nah! Fuck you!” Mark yelled back.

“Okay then, Good luck!” Jed yelled back smiling as he closed the door.

Mark was walking down the street, with Mr.Pillow under his arm, he yawned tiredly and pulled out his phone, which had his headset connected to it, he then decided to start up some music whilst walking. It just so happened to be, Feint - Clockwork Hearts.

“Huh, I usually listen to this when I’m walking in the rain.” Mark muttered as he walked down the road, having absolutely no idea where he was going. “Where am I going anyhow?”

Mark just stopped for a second and looked around, seeing how he was in the middle of town he just shrugged and kept walking, albeit very sluggishly, and a bit tiredly. He yawned once or twice and just kept walking.

After thirty minutes of walking, switching songs, and being confused. He felt like someone was walking next to him. He just yawned once and looked to his left to see a mint green unicorn, with a slightly darker shade of mint green mane along with a white stripe running through it.

“Oh uh... Hi.” Mark said awkwardly when he saw the unicorn. “Uh... How long have you been... There?”

“Who me?” The mint green mare said looking from side to side. “I have just been... Uuuh... Walking?” She said smiled sheepishly.

“Uh... Right....” Mark said a bit awkwardly. Cause you know, boobs. “Well... Um..... I’m uh, just gonna keep walking.”

“Cool, cool.” The mint green mare said turning her head away to look at the clouds, occasionally sneaking a peek at Mark.

“Uh... Uh yeah...” Mark said slowly walking away, just shaking his head. “Huh, that was weird.”

Little did he know that the green mare was following him slowly, but surely. He took a look behind himself to see the green mare stop and look away from him. He shook his head as he began to walk again. After a few minutes he looked back again and saw her a bit closer than before. ‘Creeeepy...’ He thought as he looked ahead again and began to walk. He risked one more look behind himself to see no one there.

“Thats... A relief?” Mark said sighing. “What am I doing here anyhow?”

he said as he turned around, just to see the mint green unicorn stand there. “Who-ghhhahh! Ahhh!” Mark yelled out as he jumped back a bit. The pony just waved at him and smiled.

“Hello~!” She said happily.

“Hi again.... What’s your name?” Mark asked reluctantly.

“Oh, I am Lyra! Lyra Heartstings!” She said happily as she bounced over and held out her hand for him. “And you are?”

Mark just looked at her hand and shrugged, he then took it and shook it. “Mark, I’m just plain ol’ Mark.... My last name is like super hard to pronounce, like.... Really its super hard.”

The green mare let out a ‘Snrk’ as a face of restraint came to her face and she tried her best to stop herself from laughing. Although failing miserably.

“AAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!” She hollered out as she only paused for breaks to breath.

Mark just thought about what he said for a moment before falling into laughter himself. “Hahaha... AHAHAHHA.... Oh man... uh.... Perverted humor for the win.”

“Agreed.” Lyra said as she wiped a tear from her eye. “So... Other than Super hard last names. What are you out and about for?”

“Well... I’m supposed to find a job, but I’m too lazy, so I’m just walk around for another ten minutes then go back I guess... How about you?” Mark asked with a smile.

“Well... I was following you for a little bit... Then I was supposed to go help Bon Bon with something... And that’s about it.” Lyra said shrugging.

“So um.... Wanna go get a coffee?” Mark asked hopefully. “I’m like, dead tired.”

Lyra just smiled and nodded excitedly. “Yes!- I mean... Heh heh... That would be nice.” She said sheepishly. The two smiled at each other as they walked out of the area of town they were in and began to walk to the nearest coffee shop, lead by Lyra of course.

“Wait... Is that the library?” Mark asked.

Author's Notes:

Hey everyone!
Hope you are enjoying the story so far and please comment and tell me what you liked and enjoyed, I really enjoy it when I know when I am doing good!
Also go check out my great friend The Alpha, he is a awesome guy, a great writer, and a even better friend!
THANK YOU FIMFICTION!


ScorpiShy is best Mortal Combat pony.

Chapter 4: Time passes and a crazy night!

It has been about two weeks since Mark and Jed arrived into Equestria. Jed continued his job of plant collecting for Zecora with his faithful fox companion while Mark had gotten a job at BonBon’s Candies and Chocolates working as a cashier, thanks to Lyra. Speaking of jobs, Jed had woken up early again so that he could wake Mark up before heading out.

With a yawn and a quick change of clothes, he walked over to Mark’s room and simply opened up the door with a loud THUD as it hit the wall it was hinged to.

“YO! Marky! Wake U- uuuooooh....” Jed said as his eyes widened at what he saw. “Uuum... Am I interrupting something?”

“Well.... Um considering that I was in the middle of making out with Lyra here.... Uh I’d say so... Yeah.” Mark said looking at Jed.

“Riiiight.... Put a sock on the doorknob next time. It’s just more courteous.” Jed said walking out the door and closing it.

“Right, where were we?” Mark said before going back to his little make out fest. Then there was a sudden banging on the door as if someone had taken a baseball bat and pounded the door.

“GOTTA GO TO WORK DUDE!” Jed shouted from outside.

“Aw come on...” Mark complained.

“You guys can continue at work! Remember? Work together?” Jed said from the otherside.

“He does have a point.” Lyra said.

“I guess he does.” Mark said.

“Also Twilight’s waking up.” Jed said.

“LETS HURRY THE FUCK UP!” Mark almost yelled out. As soon as those words were spoken, Mark, Jed, and Lyra were all leaving for work as Twilight waved them off. Mark and Lyra waved Jed off as he went out of town with Ruby following close behind.

As the library got out of sight, with twilight, Lyra snaked her hand into Mark. They continued walking, for a while before Lyra asked.

“Sooo wha’cha wanna do today?” Lyra asked with a smile, as they closed up toward the shop.

“Well, work.... I guess until we can find out something to do later.” Mark said, giving Lyra a small kiss on the cheek. “Besides if nothing else comes to pass, lets terrorize Jed.”

They then arrived at the shop and entered, and was greeted by Bon Bon, the owner of the shop and Lyra’s friend. Bon bon was a pale tan with a two toned mane of indigo and magenta.

“Oh Hey Lyra! Hey Mark! Got over here early I see. Any particular reason?” Bon bon asked as she tied a apron around her waist and neck. “I remember the mess that was in the back room two day ago.”

Mark just smiled sheepishly, and Lyra was blushing furiously. “Eh...heheehe....heh... Yeah...”

“Yes. Now go get uniform on.” Bon bon said with a smirk as she jerked a thumb to the backroom.

“Yeah yeah.” Mark muttered as he and Lyra walked into the backroom, when they got there, Mark was just going to put on his uniform but Lyra decided to have a little make out party.

“Oi! No doing that in there!” Bon bon shouted. “I know what that leads too and if either of you want to clean it up with your tongues, you won’t do it!”

“Uh.... Fuck.” Mark muttered out as he hugged Lyra. “We will do it later okay?”

“Not in the shop!” Bon bon shouted.

Mark just sighed and quickly kissed Lyra before walking to the cash register. “Fine be that way.”

“I will, thank you very much.” Bon bon said smugly and walking into the kitchen.

“Right, now begins the waiting game.” Mark said standing at the register.

Two hours later.

Mark was looking at the roof groaning. “This.... Is So.... Damn.... Boring.....”

As if someone was simply playing a cruel joke on him, as soon as he stopped complaining the door wrang. “Hello!” A random pony said as she walked in and up to the counter.

“Hello! What can I do ya for?” Mark said with a smile.

“Oh ha ha...” The mare said rolling her eyes. “Can I have a pound of the ‘Furish fish?’”

“Uh..... Would you be kind and point it out which it is?” Mark asked as he pulled out a list of rare candy from under the counter. “You know, its full of candy here....”

“Oh tell me about. Last pony who worked here couldn’t find a darned thing. It’s the red fished shaped ones that I believe are.... Right... Over... Here!” The mare said as she walked down the counter and pointed to the candy behind the plastic wall.

“Ah! Good to know incase you come here again.” Mark said walking over to the wall and putting a bag under a large tube filled with fish candy, he then pressed a few buttons and pulled a small lever causing exactly one pound of candy to come out. He then wrapped up the bag and went over to the register and put the bag next to it.

“That will be five bits ma’am.” Mark said with a polite smile.

“Thank you very much!” She said handing him the bits and walking out the door before Jed walked in with a small smile.

“Nice place.” Jed said smiling.

“Hey Cunt.” Mark said with a small smile.

“Fuck you too.” Jed said chuckling. “So hows work?”

“Incredibly boring, but its a nice place.... And its filled with candy, so I can’t complain really... I’m literally a boy in a candy shop!”

“And acting that way too!” Jed said laughing.

“Ah, well you got to have some fun....” Mark said, “So what bring you here except maybe to buy candy?”

“Two things. One: wondering when your lunch break is. And two:... Want to get lunch?” Jed said snickering.

Mark just looked at the clock and saw it was around eleven. “Huh.... Um... Wait... Hey Bon Bon!”

“What!?” Bon bon shouted annoyed.

“What a wonderful boss you have...” Jed said.

“When is my lunch break?!” Mark shouted back.

“In a hour but you can take it now if you want!” She shouted back.

“Alright, Lyra! Lets roll.... Wait let me change first.” Mark said running into the back room.

“Right... I think I still have twigs in my clothes.” Jed said as he opened up his jacket and pulled out a few sticks and leaves. Two minutes later Mark and Lyra came out of the back room, albeit Lyra was all clingy.

“She is more affectionate now... Then In the morning.... I dunno what’s wrong.” Mark said.

“More energy?” Jed said.

“Probably....” Mark said as he walked out of the store. “So where to?”

“Alright anywhere in particular you guys want to eat?” Jed asked looking around. “Hey Lyra any good places to eat that isn’t the Sugar Cube Corner?”

“Well...” Lyra began as she put a hand on her chin. “There is this diner a few blocks away if you guys are up for a walk.”

Mark just slightly groaned but just smiled and nodded. “Don’t you fucking complain!” Jed said annoyed. “It’s a few a blocks, I have to walk ten miles everyday!”

“Well, you are a stupid bitch for taking a job in the freaking forest then.”

“Earn more than you bitch!” Jed said.

“Says the guy who couldn’t handle money in the first life.” Mark said shaking his head.

“Still. Earn more than you.” Jed said shrugging.

“Still... You lived on the street for like one day, before I took you in.” Mark said.

“And got hit by a car, but that is beside the point.” Jed said shrugging again.

“Whatever.... You have your stuff and I have mine.... Also, you suck drawing.” Mark said with a evil smile.

“Well you blow at gaming Noob.” Jed said matching the expression. A few seconds passed before they both burst into laughter. “Oh god... Heh heh.. We gonna go or what?”

“We should like go.... Before Lyra gets all Impatient and stuff.” Mark said though a chuckle.

“Hey! I am not that impatient!” Lyra said. That was when they heard a snort as they saw Ruby, who had grown a bit in the past weeks, sitting there with a expression of ‘Bitch, you kiddin’ me?’.

“That thing is usually annoying as fuck.... But it kinda has a point.” Mark said unsure.

“You speak dog...” Lyra deadpanned.

“Well no.... But look at its face babeh!” Mark said pointing to its face.

“Oh like... Hey! I am not a bitch!” Lyra said as she looked down at the dog. That caused both Jed and Ruby to snicker holding back laughs.

“Oh but, you're my bitch.” Mark said kissing her on the cheek.

“Awww.” Lyra cooed smiling before she frowned. “Wait a minute...”

“I’m kidding I’m kidding!” Mark said sheepishly.

“Eh... I only partially believe that.” Jed said as he began to walk.

“At least you are forever alone! Single and all that shit.” Mark said with a evil smile, as he was walking next Jed, with Lyra.

“Hey!.... Okay yeah.” Jed said shrugging before Ruby yipped and jumped into his arms. “At least I got Ruby!”

“She is really fucking annoying sometimes.” Mark said giving Ruby the evil eye. Ruby just reached out and stared at Mark intently before she gave him a small lick on the nose.

“AHH! MY NOSE! THE HORRORS I'VE SEEN!!” Mark yelled out getting down on his knees and grabbing his face.

“Shhhhh. No tears, just dreams.” Jed said covering his eyes and snickering as Lyra let go of Mark only to fall on the ground laughing. They all laughed before they noticed all the weird stares they were getting. “Um... Heh heh... Now would be a good time to go.”

“Yeah... Let’s.... Let’s just go.” Mark said pulling up Lyra, and walking with her again. After ten minutes of walking they arrived at a small place called “Golden Straw”.

“So this is the place, eh?” Jed said looking over it. Lyra nodded and lead them inside.

“This place is known for their milkshakes and hayshakes!”

“Great lunch.” Mark said with a smile.

“Hey at least you don’t have a boss that rhymes everything!” Jed said.

“Ah shut up, Don’t complain.” Mark said, shrugging.

“Hey! You work in a shop and sell candy! I look for plants through the woods!” Jed said.

“Yeah but at least.... SOMEONE MAKES MORE THAN ME.” Mark said flailing around with his arms.

“...” Jed began to say something and then stood there for a few minutes blinking and thinking. “... I... Actually can’t counter that.... Wow.”

Then Lyra came out of the place with a hayshake in one hand and a pear milkshake. She handed the pear drink to Mark before looking to Jed and saying.

“I didn’t know what you wanted.” She said sheepishly. Jed just threw his arms in the air.

“Oh god damn it! Lost a argument and didn’t get a milkshake! This day is just turning out so horrible!” Jed said throwing an arm over his eyes then simply walking into the place and coming out a few minutes later with a vanilla milkshake. “They didn’t have oreo.” He said kinda sad.

“Ha...” Mark said before kissing Lyra. “Tastes like hay...”

“Interesting.” Jed said as he took a sip from his own drink. “Mmm taste like vanilla.”

“Hahahaha.... Fuck you.” Mark said, when he stopped kissing Lyra, who looked a tiny bit sad because Mark ended the kiss.

“Best comeback EVAR!” Jed said waving his left arm out. He took another drink from his milkshake before looking around. “Welp... I’m bored. Imma go visit Vinyl, see ya!”

“SOMEONE HAS A CRUSH!” Mark yelled out.

“Ah fak you.” Jed said throwing his middle finger out in the air.

“I’mma follow, come on Lyra... Lets go terrorize him.” Mark said with a smile.

“Mmmokay.” She said smiling and shrugging. They then both followed Jed, who seemingly got more ticked off as long as they were around him. He just sighed and continued to walk doing his best to ignore Mark and Lyra as he looked at the street signs and walked around usually making a turn here and there.

“Wonder where he’s going....” Mark muttered out looking at Jed with a smile. Jed simply continued to walk around until he came upon a music store with a double note above and walked inside.

“Looks fancy as fuck.” Mark muttered as he and Lyra went in after Jed. “So, you gon’ ask Vinyl out on a date?”

“Hmm?” Jed hummed as he went through a small pile of disks.

“Da, comrade! Ask her out on date, da?” Mark asked with a russian accent.

“Nooo... Just browsing music.” Jed said with a plain smile. “And you two are terrible at hiding you know that?”

Mark just looked at Jed, before looking at Lyra with a evil smile. “Hey, can you whistle sharply for me?”

“Uuuh... Why?” Jed said tilting his head and pulling out a music disk. Lyra just shrugged and put her forefinger along with her thumb in the corners of her mouth and sharp whistle was heard. Soon there was white Vinyl poking her head through the door and smiled.

“Oh hey! Customers!” She said as she walked out and to the register. “Cool.”

Mark just quickly walked over and shook her hand. “Marks the name! Pleasure to meet cha!” He said in announcer.

“Oh hey another Furless!” Vinyl said.

“Hey!... That’s my nickname.” Jed said.

“Oh you’re Furless number one.” Vinyl said smiling.

“Now, I have something very important, super secret whatever you want to call it! To tell you!” Mark said with a announcer voice.

“Oh?” Vinyl said trying hold back snickers.

“My friend Jed here has a crush-!” Mark was silenced by a sudden desk to the face. “Ow.” he said still with the announcer voice.

“Ha.” Jed said from behind Mark. “Your pain amuses me.”

“He has a crush on you! And want to dat-” He was silenced again by his face going back into the countertop. Except he went to the ground this time. “Fuck.”

While that was happening, Vinyl was on the ground behind the counter laughing her ass off. “She your pain amusing as well.”

“Many find my pain amusing, I should be paid for this.... PAID! PAID I TELL YOU!” Mark said lying on the floor with his hands on his face, and still using the announcer voice.

“I will make you facefloor if you don’t stop.” Jed said snickering.

Mark just sighed and got up. “Fine, buzz kill ..... Buzz Killyear!”

“Oh ha ha ha...” Jed said slowly clapping his hands. “You... Are SO funny.”

“I know right.” Mark said happily, before walking over to Lyra, who was almost dying from laughter. “Apparently I am....”

“Wh- What did we just witness?!” Vinyl asked as she pulled herself up from the floor.

“Human friendship...” Jed said shrugging.

“That’s friendship for you!?” Vinyl said.

“Eh.... It’s different for all humans, but for us yeah.” Jed said chuckling.

“Yeah.... I use the term ‘Friendship’ loosely...” Mark said, through a snicker.

“Yeah yeah whatever.” Jed said waving his hand dismissively.

“Yeah... Get up Lyra.” Mark said as he pulled Lyra up, before turning to Jed and saying. “Sooo Double date today, yes?”

“Woah woah I didn’t agree to this!” Jed said waving his hands out in front of him. “I never ask for this!”

“Too late.” Vinly said grabbing him from behind and hugging him over the counter. “I think we both knew of that little crush you have on me!”

“AUGH!” Jed shouted as he was dragged over the counter and brought to the ground. A few seconds later Vinyl shouted.

“I have captured the objective!” Vinyl said with a happy tone.

“Oh you are a gamer?” Mark asked, with surprise.

“What the hell else is there to do around Ponyville?” Vinyl asked poking her head over the counter.

“Brofist.” Mark said holding out a fist. Vinyl just bumped his fist before helping a disheveled Jed off of the ground.

“I have no idea what just happened.” Jed said as he straightened his coat out.

“You got captured!” Mark said, through a chuckle.

“I have no idea why... But that is strangely perverted.” Jed said narrowing his eyes at Mark.

“Don’t worry, you’ll get to that base soon enough!” Mark said starting to laugh with both Lyra and Vinyl.

“Oh god damn it...” Jed said facepalming. “... The world hates me.”

“No, I just hate you.... Fuck you!” Mark said flipping Jed off through a laugh.

“Aaaah... Human friendship as it’s finest.” Jed said snickering. Jed just walked out over the counter and grabbed Mark’s ear while walking to the door. “Come on you...”

“Ahhahoh huhuhu... That huuuuuuuuuuurts.” Mark said being dragged along. “The fuuuuuuuck.”

“Oh stop whining. You’re break is over by the way.” Jed said as he opened the door and tossed Mark outside.

“NO!! I don’t wanna!” Mark said. “Ahh!”

“Oh calm down!” Jed said.

“Oh fuck you, go do something productive and stop drawing that crap you call art!”

“And you stop playing videogames!” Jed retorted.

“.... Touché.” Mark said, narrowing his eyes at Jed.

“Right.... Come on I’ll walk you and Lyra back to the candy store.” Jed said as Lyra walked outside.

“Fine lets just go.” Mark said as he started walking towards the candy shop. Jed just waved goodbye to Vinyl and left. “We will pick you and Jed up at eight, be ready then!!”

“I still didn’t agree to this!” Jed complained as he walked away with Mark.

“I can’t believe you talked me into this... Actually it was more or less forced but you get the idea.” Jed said as he straightened his jacket and put his fedora on his head. “Ah the classics. Jacket and fedora. Never fails.”

“Woogide boo!” Mark said as he put his team shirt on, before putting his cap back on. “Brings back old memories....”

“Tell me about it... Except my old jacket wasn’t covered in tree sap.” Jed said as he chuckled.

“... I never knew I was sponsored by Razer...” Mark said confused.

“Well now you know!” Jed said in a happy tone.

“Team Clueless is going to be Clueless without me.” Mark said sadly. Jed just walked over and patted him on the back before heading down the stairs.

“I thought you got over that a week ago.” He said.

“I put down more than five years in that team....” Mark said sadly again.

“And don’t you think they will be good? There is no point in having a team if you don’t have any faith.” Jed said shrugging.

“They were fucking Clueless without coordination...” Mark said scratching the back of his head.

“So that’s where the name came from.” Jed said looking off as if he just discovered something life changing.

“Yeah... I always was a bit.... Clueless without any coordination.” Mark said.

“So that’s why I had to make you a map of your apartment?” Jed asked.

“Probably..... I can’t remember anymore.:.” Mark said, looking confused.

“Eh, it’s fine. let’s just go now. The girls are probably waiting.” Jed said walking to the door.

“Woogide fucking boo.” Mark said. “So wait, where are we going now again?”

“Oh dear god...” Jed said facepalming.

“No sight wards equalizes no map awareness, shut the fuck up.” Mark said. “Too much Leauge of Legends.”

“Oh just come on. We are just picking up Vinyl and Lyra then.... Doing something...” Jed said waving his hand in the air.

“I’m guessing fucking eating what else....” Mark said putting on Razer hoodie.

“Oh yes, hay and flowers. delicious.” Jed said sarcastically. “Eh.. At least you can ask for it to be off.”

“Eh.... True.....” Mark said as he walked through the front door.

“Okay... TO THE MUSIC SHOP, ROBIN!” Jed shouted and pointing dramatically.

“Right, lets buy sight wards too, I would like not to get ganked.” Mark said walking around the car and getting in.

“... Stop the league talk...” Jed deadpanned and getting into the passenger's seat.

“I’m stuck in Elo hell, shut up.” Mark said rubbing his forehead.

“Ah... I just noticed that here is only these two seats in this car.” Jed said looking down at the seats.

“It’s not the first time I’ve driven with someone in my lap.” Mark said being all weird and shit.

“And that would be whom?” Jed asked.

“Oh just a.... Well It was my current girl friend, no not Lyra, but...” Mark began.

“Oh the bitch!” Jed said smiling.

“Right, Roger was her name.” Mark said with a smile.

“She punched my balls... Ow.” Jed said. “Other than that... She was nice. A bitch... But nice.”

“Sounds really wrong when you think about it.” Mark said as he started up the car.

“NICE BITCH!” Jed shouted at Mark.

“I’m fucking sitting right here.” Mark said annoyed at the tone.

“The Albatross?” Jed said getting a wicked smile.

“I’m gonna blast some Captain red soon....” Mark said looking forward and driving forward towards Lyras house.

“But I’m not swedish!” Jed complained. “It confuses my brain.”

“Look... Look with your spechul eyez....” Mark said pointing to a box.

“Oh shut up Mark...” Jed said snickering. “You and your youtube.”

“Better than Redtube.” Mark said laughing.

“Oh god damn it...” Jed said facepalming again. “Let’s just go!”

“Okay dokay.....” Mark said as he continued to drive. Soon they arrived at Lyra’s place and stopped.

“Okay I will wait here... Go. GOGOGOGOGOGO!” Jed said.

“Uhm.... This... Might tak-” Mark began.

“Don’t have sex on the bed.” Jed deadpanned.

“It won’t take that long but...” Mark began again.

“No... Sex. On. Bed.” Jed said slowly.

“Couch.” Mark suggested.

“No couch either.” Jed said.

“Fuck.” Mark said.

“Not the bathroom, not the counter, Just grab her and go.”

“Alright...” Mark said before he stopped and was gonna grab the opening handle.

“And not the floor either!” Jed said.

“Alright Alright.” Mark said. “Now may I go before you add three hundred fifty three things?”

“Wait a minute...” Jed said leaning back in his seat. “Not any room in that place. Okay now I am done.”

Mark just sat quietly and looked at Jed expecting something. “What?” Jed said shrugging.

“I’m expecting you to add three hundred and fifty three things.”

“... I’ll make you a list.” Jed said shooing him away. “Now go! Hurry up!”

“Okay.” Mark said getting out of the car, after five minutes he came out with Lyra, He then got into the car and Lyra hopped into his lap, they then sped off towards the music shop.

“Oh by the way, here the list.” Jed said handing Mark a piece of paper.

“Riiiight.” Mark said sarcastically. “Can’t look at it now anyhow, driving.”

“Look at when I go into the shop.” Jed said shrugging.

“Hmm.... Maybe.” Mark said. They arrived at the shop before Jed hopped out and walked over and into the store. Mark just took out the list and looked at it, It had three hundred and fifty three things where he could not have sex.

“What the actual holy fuck?” Mark asked looking at the piece of paper.

“He actually did that? I thought he was joking.” Lyra said as she looked at the paper as well.

“Apparent-.... Oh hey, thought about that one.... Ha his room is number one.... Gives me a evil idea.” Mark said before there was a pounding on his window startling him and Lyra. It was Jed with a serious expression.

“Have sex in my room and I will literally break her horn off and stuff it down your throat.” Jed threatened and walked over to the passagner’s side with Vinyl before he hopped in and Vinyl crawled in and sat on his lap. “I am dead serious by the way.”

Mark just looked at Lyra and then back to Jed and Vinyl... Then back to Lyra, before just gently giving Lyra’s horn a lick.

“Its... Surprisingly Minty.”

“Okay... I’m Bi... And that’s gay.” Jed said with confused expression.

“You made me curious.” Mark said.

“That’s what she said.” Jed said.

“Also stop groping, I can see it from here.” Mark said before starting up the car.

“Oh shut up... Horn blower.” Jed said.

“No lifer.” Mark retorted.

“League addict.” Jed replied.

“Oh, like ‘Drawing nude women’ just stick figures.”

“That’s your drawings.” Jed deadpanned.

“Right why did it have your name on it?” Mark asked.

“It was first grade dude!” Jed said.

“And I in first grade did something awesome. I played vid games. “ Mark said happily.

“Atari!” Jed said smiling. That was when the car zoomed off down the street. “Do you have any idea where you are going?”

“Nope, no one specified a destination.” Mark said driving around.

“So you are just wasting gas.” Jed said.

“Actually, the gas meter seems to be stuck on full.” Mark said as he tapped the instrument board. “I mean, It’s never moved since we got here.”

“Eh.... Twilight probably messed with it... Anyway how about that place?” Jed said pointing to a restaurant. The restaurant itself was extremely fancy looking along with several ponies walking in and out of the place.

“Well... Sure... If we can get a table...” Mark said parking the car,

“Meh. We’ll pull a James Bond move and tip the waiter.” Jed said as Mark parked and they hopped out of the car. Theyver walked up to the entrance before the waiter stopped him and in the most stereotypical fashion anyone could possibly think, he asked.

“Do you have a reservation?”

“Oh god... This guy...” Jed said holding back laughter and turning away so the waiter didn’t see his strain to not laugh. he coughed a bit and with the most serious face he could, he walked up to the french pony and said in a deep and dly tone. “The name is Bond. James Bond.”

“Oooooh! Missure Bond! Right this way!” The pony said smiling as he took them inside and to a table in the restaurant. Jed blinked as they were all seated and when the waiter left he said.

“Holy shit did that actually work?”

“Human movies, we have power over everything.” Mark said with a small smile.

“I guess.” Jed said leaning back in his seat a little flabbergasted. Dinner was simple and came to the table rather quick while everyone conversed. “So when did you two become a actual item?”

“It was about a week or so.... After I met Lyra... Um.... I don’t... I hate explaining.” Mark said. “Even though I did it daily with my damn team but still.”

“Eh... Just give us the gist of it. You don’t need details.” Jed said shrugging.

“I invited her for a coffee, we hit it off from there. We became friends, took a walk in the park, and she just out of the blue kissed me.” Mark said. “So um.... Things just went forward from there.

“Huh....” Jed said looking off. “... Now I know what you mean when you say she is impatient.”

“Hey!” Lyra protested.

“Whaaaat!? I am being honest!” Jed whined.

“You’re brutally honest!” Lyra said.

“Oh please.... I’m not that bad!” Jed said.

“You’re pretty bad.” Vinyl said snickering.

“Oh... Bugger.” Jed said defeated.

“Haha.” Mark said with a evil smile.

“Oh shut up, Mark.” Jed grumbled and stabbed at his food a bit with his fork.

“This food man.” Mark began. “Sooooo, how about you guys?”

“Hmmm...” Jed hummed as he swallowed his food. “Eh, you know the first day we where here and you told me to go out of the library? I believe the name you used on me was ‘Ye fucking cunt’.”

“Good explanation...” Mark said eating his food.

“I wasn’t done... Dick.” Jed said shaking his head. “So I just went and wandered around a bit, almost got suffocated by this mail mare’s cleavage. And then I found Vinyl’s shop. Went inside, talked with her, listened to some music, did a dance in town square, and now we are here.”

“Soo, I had to ask her out for you?” Mark said. “The fuck man.”

“Hey! You know I am shy as hell.” Jed said leaning back.

“Right and the proper way to thank me is to slam my face into a desk twice.” Mark complained.

“It was better option B.” Jed said shrugging. “And besides, I got dinner. It on me!”

“Right.” Mark said narrowing his eyes. They finished their dinner, and with Jed paying for it, they left the restaurant. As they left laughing happily, they were stopped by a pony wearing a ski mask and black jacket. He walked up to them with a kitchen knife drawn and gave the tradional ‘Gimme all your money’.

“Oh Jesus... It’s a muggar.” Jed groaned he looked to Mark and said. “The normal routine?”

“I feel like super punching him.... Like falcon pawnch.” Mark said turning around and walking in to the restaurant.

“Go get the chair first.” Jed said as he moved Vinyl and Lyra back a feet. Jed just walked up to the man and began to give him his bits before he simply knee’d him in the groin and walked behind him and looped his arms under his and pulled him up so he was shakily standing. “Okay Mark! Hit’em hard!”

Mark just lept in the air and brought the chair down from above him. “DUUUUUNK!”

“Ouch.” Jed said as he let the beaten and passed out muggar fall to the ground and walked back to Vinyl and Lyra. “So... We goin’ oooor.. What?” He asked with a smile.

“H-how did you do that!?” Vinyl asked. Jed just laughed and hugged her.

“We lived in a place called New York for a while.” He said smiling before he began walking to the car. “Come on Mark! Let’s go!”

“Can’t believe that dunk worked.... See, League does stuff for you.” Mark said, as he took Lyras hand and walked toward the car.

“Yeah... Can’t wait for Twilight to hear about this.” Jed said rolling his eyes. “Anyway... Anyone up for a movie? I am sure there is a place to rent one here.”

“Where would we watch it?” Vinyl asked. “If there is no other place we can go to my shop. It’s got a home theater in the back.”

“.... Dear god may I ask if that is hooked up to a game console?” Mark asked.

“Actually yes. The Ponystation Three, The X-buck 360, The WitherU, and a BlueJay player why?” Vinyl asked. “And got spare remotes for all of them too.”

“I believe I just jizzed in my pants.” Mark said almost drooling.

“... You’re lucky I am taking that as a compliment.” Vinyl said shaking her head.

“Holy shit where did you get all that stuff!?” Jed asked.

“I saved up. Lot’s of ponies like music you know.” Vinyl said shrugging.

“Its like the time I went to the firing range to practice my aim..... And tried using the MG42...” Mark said almost drooling again.

“Gungasmic?” Jed asked.

“The very notion of a MG42 terrifies me... But good god, that thing is like a minigun except its just missing five barrels.”

“Huh...” Jed said. “Welp to the movie store! Go Mark go!”

“Yes yes.” Mark said getting into the car and letting Lyra get in his lap. Jed simply followed with Vinyl hopping into the car and onto his lap. Soon they arrived at the local movie store, thanks to Lyra and Vinyl’s directions, and picked out the movies ‘Avatar’, ‘PonySpace: Downfall’(Deadspace), and ‘The expendables 2’ . Just like back on earth only, only ponies instead of humans. With the movies picked out, they went to Bon Bon’s store just as it was closing and bought a LOT of candy before running to the store and buying chips, soda, and popcorn. And Mark just extremely secretly bought condoms. Meaning he simply bought a box of them and stuffed them in his pocket.

“You know that we’re different species right?” Lyra said.

“Well you know... Magic and shit...” Mark said.

“Huh... I guess.” Lyra said shrugging. They put the groceries into the trunk of the car and as they were driving towards Vinyls shop a brilliant idea came to Marks head.

He quickly pushed some buttons on the stereo and started up, Save the world - Swedish house mafia.

“I fucking love this song.”

“Agreed.” Jed said smiling as he and Vinyl nodded to the music. They soon arrived at Vinyl’s shop and unpacked the car as Vinyl unlocked the place and lead everyone into the back room where there was a 100 inch plasma screen T.V. that was hooked like a high tech looking stereo which had a giant fucking subwoofer and surround sound speakers littering the room. All over her gaming consoles were lined up next to each other or stacked on top of one another. On the far side of the wall was a collection of BlueJay movies and a even larger collection of Video Games for every console. A large plush couch was in the center of the room with several bean bags for comfort.

“HNNNNG.” Mark said as he looked at the games. “Oh... Fuck....”

“Jeeeeeeeesus.” Jed said looking around the room. “You weren’t kidding when you said you saved up.”

“Alright, let me just take a Picture.” Mark said whipping out his phone as he was going to take a picture he stopped quickly. “What the fuck?”

“What’s wrong?” Jed asked.

“One missed call.... One minute ago.... From Clueless Chiro...” Mark said looking surprised as fuck.

“... Da fuq mate? Our phones connect through dimension?!” Jed shouted. “Fuck... That phone company wasn’t kidding. They cover everything.”

“Alright.” Mark said. “Guess I have to call back.”

“This is going to be awkward to explain. ‘Oh hey man! Guess what? I drove through a interdimension storm and now I am in a world of Anthro ponies! AND I’M BANGING ONE!’.” Jed said making a phone with his hand and putting it up to his ear. He dropped his antics and frowned. “Yeah... That will go over well.”

“You aren’t gonna tell him that right?” Lyra asked.

“No. LEEEEEEEEEROY!!” Mark said as he pressed the call button, there was loud beeping as Mark had put the speakers on. After a few seconds someone picked up.

“WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?!” Chiro yelled from the other side.

“OH GOD!” Jed shouted as he smacked the phone. It went a few feet to the right before Jed calmed down. “Oh god... Sorry.”

“Seriously! No one have taken out the garbage yet!” He yelled. “Jesus the damn garbage can!”

“Look, um... umm dude.”

“NOT NOW MIDDLE OF LEAU- WHAT THE FUU-”

“Great team you have.” Jed deadpanned.

“Remember our Team house?” Mark asked.

“Yeah.. I woke up outside. Hanging upside down. By my feet.” Jed deadpanned.

“We do crazy shit when we are drunk.”

“Alright! I’m good now!” Chiro said. “Seriously though, where the fuck are you? The cops are like all over the highway looking for you.”

“I swear you say alternate dimension.” Jed began.

“Alternate dimension.” Mark said quickly.

“Good one.... But um..... Seriously.... Uh, just tell me, the your room is like increasingly empty.” Chiro said from the other side.

“I uh did.”

“Great... Hes high again.” Chiro muttered before somewhere in the background someone yelled out “AUUUHUHH!... Shit, that was close.”

“... And I thought that Youtube video was all fake.” Jed said snickering.

“No, we do a lot of weird things when we are practicing... ALSO, Whatever happened to that empty room?” Mark asked.

“We filled it up with like.... Food and shit, dunno how.” Chiro said before someone walked past saying. “Mark ate like all the food, now we just have overflow.”

“Huh... That explains a lot.” Jed said scratching his head.

“Alright um... I got to go.... Phone... is uh..... Dying?” Mark said reluctantly.

“Right.... Yeah I have a league match to continue.” Chiro said before realizing a thing. “I’mma play with you later on Leauge. Am I right?”

“Yep probably.” Mark said.

“Oh by the way someone came looking for you...” Chiro said.

“Who the fuck would do that?” Mark asked.

“Some girl named Roger? I think.” Chiro said. Mark just looked at the phone before saying.

“Gotta go fast!” and hung up, he then put it on silent mode and put it in his pocket. “Never again.”

“Who’s Roger?” Lyra asked.

“YOU DON’T WANNA KNOW!” Both Jed and Mark snapped making Lyra flinch.

“Sorry, she is just someone we don’t talk about very often.” Jed said rubbing the back of his head. Vinyl just gave him a hug from behind and said.

“Well enough of the past and present. It’s time for movies!” She let go of Jed before grabbing some snacks, cooking the popcorn and grabbing a case of the Bucka-Cola. Jed just flopped onto the couch and sprawled out on it while Vinyl just sat and leaned against his stomach. He grabbed a handful of popcorn and munched on it while Vinyl looked over the movies.

“Hmmm... Which one first?” Vinyl said as she looked over all of the movies.

“Ponyspace! I wanna see some guts and gore!” Jed shouted from the couch and through a handful of popcorn.

“Right...” Mark said leaning back, before Lyra started snuggling up on him.

“This is really warm...” Jed said as he shifted a bit under everyone’s weight. “Wait why am I a pillow?”

“Wait hold on.” Mark said getting up and quickly running out of the room. A few seconds later he came back with a pillow under his arm. “Totally forgot about Mr.Pillow.”

“So Ponyspace it is!” Vinyl said as the disc popped out of the case and floated over to her Bluejay player and was popped in.

“I’m probably just gonna fall asleep....” Mark muttered, as he sat down again. Then just Lyra snuggled up against him again and whispered something in his ear. “Oh... Oh.... Yeah that works.”

“No sex in my home.” Vinyl said pointing at Mark. “Only, I have sex in my home.”

“Hm... We will see about that.” Mark said.

“I have handcuffs and a bottle of vodka, you really wanna mess with me?” Vinyl said.

“Oh! Pass the bottle of vodka.” Mark said.

“No. That took awhile to get. And I heard what you did!” Vinyl said.

“Not my fault I get crazy when I’m drunk.... It really isn’t!” Mark protested.

“Still no. Saving it for a special occasion.” Vinyl said.

“Oh come on! For what? When you stop being butthurt?” Mark said.

“... Now you don’t to have some when I do find the occasion!” Vinyl said. Mark just groaned and rubbed his eyes. “Fuck gonna get me some liquor later.”

“Not if I have anything to say about that. Or Twilight for that matter.” Jed said.

“Or me.” Lyra said.

“Oh... For fuck sake....” Mark said.

“Hey, none of us wanna wake up outside hanging from a flagpole.” Jed said.

“It wasn’t my idea! I distinctly remember Yonas saying something like.” Mark began before he switched to a deep odd voice. “I Lets go hang him from a flagpole!”

“I don’t care... Just don’t no liquor for you.” Jed said as he got comfy.

“Well fuck you.” Mark said.

“Nope.” Jed said. And with that the movie began.

Author's Notes:

RANDOMNESS!
It's funneh.
Again go check out my friend The Alpha, he is a great guy and you should totally go see what he is all about. He is a fun guy and loves it when he gets new followers!
Soooo yeah.... Here is your chapter. *sniff*.....
HAVE A FUCK LOAD OF IMAGES!

Chapter 5: Celestial greetings and the unexpected

Mark and Jed have been in Equestria for a month now, if you count the previous weeks. Jed had gotten a bit better at his plant collecting, meaning he didn’t hurt himself as much, while Mark had learned a lot of the candies and where they were placed in the candy store. It also came to the attention of a certain solar goddess that not only did they know little about these humans. Another certain Alicorn had yet to meet this delightful bunch.

“But Tiiiaaaaa! I don’t want to go meet the aliens!” Luna complained as she was dragged to a carriage by her sister’s magic. “I just want to find out who those two newbies are that kept winning games against me in Haylo 4!”

Celestia sighed and lifted her sister from the ground and put her on her hooves. She also removed Luna’s headset and coat with all of the game consoles logos on it. “You have to meet them now, so in the future you don’t blast them to the moon in fright.” Celestia said.

“But Tii-” Luna began before she was silenced by her sister’s hand clamping her muzzle shut.

“Ap ap ap. You are going with me and that is final.” Celestia said as she handed Luna’s gear to a nearby maiden who grabbed it and headed straight for Luna’s room. “Besides, I need to check up on them anyway to see how they are adjusting.”

“Fine... But I won’t enjoy it.” Luna said sourly as she trudged to the carriage and got inside. Celestia rolled her eyes and walked with her sister to the carriage. With nothing else keeping them, the two princesses left the gleaming city of Canterlot.

Soon they arrived at Ponyville with very little trouble. Thankfully not that many ponies saw the carriage land in Ponyville, but soon word would spread, so Luna and Celestia got out of the carriage. Luna more or less rushed into the library while Celestia did her normal regal walk into the library only to see a confused Twilight Sparkle that still ran up and hugged Celestia while Celestia returned the favor.

“Celestia! It’s so good to see you! How are you and Luna?” Twilight asked. “Also what is with the surprise visit?”

“Me and Luna are fine, thank you Twilight.” Celestia began as Luna quietly added.

“I actually I didn’t want to come...”

“Aaaanyway.” Celestia began again casting an annoyed glance at her sister. “We just came to get Luna familiar with our new alien residents and to check up on them.”

Celestia ended the hug and smiled warmly while Luna walked over and sat down on the couch in the most regal manner she could, which made Twilight silently giggle. Celestia added her own small giggle as she also walked over with Twilight and sat down. Twilight sat on a chair next to the couch and gave a bit of small talk.

“Sister, may I please at least play on my PSVita?” Luna begged her sister. Celestia rolled her eyes and nodded reluctantly, knowing her sister would keep begging until she gave her the puppy dog eyes. ‘A dirty move on her part.’ Celestia grumbled in her thoughts. Luna’s eyes lit up as she pulled out her PSVita and began to play random on her gaming device and put her over-the-ear headphones onto her ears.

“So how are the humans doing?” Celestia asked smiling warmly.

“Oh they are adjusting amazingly!” Twilight said almost replicating Celestia’s smile. “They acquired jobs a couple weeks back and have been doing just amazingly well!”

“Oh really? Pray tell what are their jobs?” Celestia asked.

“Well... Jed helps out Zecora find plants for her brews and potions, which have been selling like wildfire since she has been getting the necessary ingredients.” Twilight said. “And Mark got a job at Bon Bon’s candy store.”

“Interesting. Has Jed had any trouble with any animals Everfree?” Celestia asked.

“Well... Not that I have heard. He usually comes home with a couple cuts or bruises, but he says those are usually from his clumsiness.” Twilight said tapping her chin. “Plus he bought a fox kit when he got his first pay. A little weird, but those two are how did Jed say it? Ah! ‘Thicker than thieves’.”

“What an odd analogy.” Celestia noted. Twilight nodded still smiling. “So what about Mark?”

“He seemed a bit put off at first then he went out one day and then he simply hit it off and got a job at Bon Bon’s shop with the help of his friend Lyra.” Twilight said smiling. ‘Not to mention his weird habit of calling me his mother.’ She thought to herself. “He seems to like his job at the candy shop.”

“Well that is great!” Celestia said enthusiastically. “I am glad they are adjusting well.”

“I am too. They even made a few friends! The local Mail-mare, our music store owner, Mark’s boss Bon Bon, Lyra Heartstrings, and Jed’s boss Zecora.” Twilight listed then her expression went crestfallen. “All of my friends seem to have gotten used to them, although Rainbow still doesn’t like them! I think she is just has a serious case of Xenophobia.”

“I see.” Celestia said as she thought over what Twilight had told her. She then turned back to Twilight. “Do you know what they like to do in their free time?”

“Well... I know they like to listen to plenty of music. Some of it a bit explicit, but other than that it’s not that bad. They like to walk around for no reason. They hang out with their friends a lot. Mark likes to drive his car around. Jed likes to draw.” Twilight listed off as her cheeks slightly tinted at remember the picture Jed had drawn. “Other than that... Not much else comes to mind.”

“Hmmm.” Celestia hummed. Twilight simply smiled and stood up before she walked to the kitchen.

“Would you like some tea Celestia?” Twilight asked. Celestia nodded before she added.

“Would you by chance have any soda for Luna? She apparently has grown to love that fizzy beverage.” Celestia just gave a small chuckle at her sister’s new addictions since coming back from the moon.

“I think I do. Mark and Jed bought plenty and stored it in the fridge. Although the way they go through that stuff I wouldn’t be surprised if it was empty of them.” Twilight said laughing a bit. She walked into the kitchen and came out a few minutes later with a tray with two tea cups, a kettle of tea, and a can of Bucka-Cola. “Tea for us, soda for Luna.”

“Thank you Twilight. It is much appreciated to be treated like a normal pony for once.” Celestia said smiling happily as Twilight handed her a cup and poured her some tea as Twilight floated the can of soda to Luna, whom simply grabbed it from the air on reflex as she never took her eyes off of the game.

“She really likes those video games doesn’t she?” Twilight asked.

“Oh you have no idea. You should see her room.” Celestia said in an exasperated tone. “She has game posters all over her walls, soundtracks littering her Ipony, and even better hundreds if not thousands of ‘Collectible’ figurines.”

“You’re kidding!” Twilight said snickering.

“I kid you not! I will even take a picture next time I am in her room!” Celestia said laughing. That was when the roar of a engine was heard from outside. It got closer until it was right outside and suddenly stopped. There was a bit of a ruckus before a set of doors slammed almost in sync and the door was opened revealing the two notorious humans.

“Sup Mom?” Mark said before walking into his room, and shutting the door.

“Hey Mum.” Jed said as Ruby ran under his legs and began to run in circles before laying on the carpet while Jed went to his room as well. Celestia looked to Twilight whom was facepalming in embarrassment at the moment.

“Sooo... You’re a mother now. You forgot to mention that.” Celestia said trying to hold back laughter. Mark just came out of his room again and walked into the kitchen, and there was some rummaging around heard, before he yelled.

“Jed you fucker! You ate my ice cream again!”

“Don’t leave it out next time! You know I love mint choco chip!” Jed shouted coming out his room.

“Great fucking excuse! You owe me like ten bits!” Mark yelled back.

“Oh ice cream does not cost that much!” Jed said walking down the stairs.

“Yes! It does! They have increased the damn cost of it!” Mark said back.

“Oh really?” Jed said walking into the kitchen as he stopped yelling.

“Yeah check the price tag.” Mark said.

“Oh damn. You’re right. Here you go.” Jed said as there was some clinking of coins was heard.

“Alright, I’m going to fetch a big tub this time.” Mark said walking out of the kitchen and walking to the front door. “Cya later mo-”

“Oi Mark! Catch!” Jed shouted throwing a small bag of bits at Mark.

“Huh?” Mark said looking over to Jed and seeing how the bit bag was flying towards him, he flailed around for a few seconds before ever so gracefully catching the bag. And by that I mean he face planted.

“Smoooth.... Vanilla bean please.” Jed said from the kitchen.

“I know right... Okay, right back in like ten minutes or so.” Mark said getting up again.

“Please hurry. I’d like not to have to go on another man hunt again just because you like reading the porn mags!” Jed shouted.

“Says the one who have like a stack of nude pics in his room.” Mark said narrowing his eyes.

“Hey!... I bought those.” Jed said firmly. “You just sit there and read them like comic books! Now go!”

“Yeah cause its Intres-” Mark began.

“GO!” Jed said again only emphasizing the word even more so.

“Fine... Asswipe.” Mark muttered.

“Douchebag.” Jed said.

“Be back in ten.... Cya mom.” Mark said, as he opened the door.

“Hey! Get back in here!” Twilight said as she pulled him back in with magic and closed the door.

“B-But! .... Ice cream!” Mark complained. “We need more of it!”

“You can get some later.” Twilight said.

“Oh come on mom!” Mark complained.

“Oh just hush up and stay still. Someone wants to talk to you!” Twilight said smiling happily.

“That body was dead when I got there!” Mark said quickly.

“Wait what?” Twilight said.

“Don’t worry just go with it.” Jed said walking out with a soda in his hand.

“Alright.... Oh hey! Gimmie a cola!” Mark said.

“Ugh fine. Catch.” Jed said tossing him the unopened can of Cola. Mark just catched it and opened it, and taking a sip. Jed just walked back and came out again with another soda.

“Mmm... Sugary energy....” Mark said.

“Riiiiiight... Anyway, as you can see Princess Celestia is here to check up on how you are doing.” Twilight said gesturing to the solar princess.

“Oh hey Celestia!” Jed said waving as he used one hand to open his soda.

“Who now?” Mark said, looking confused.

“Oh just the ruler of the country. No big deal.” Jed said.

“Oh right.” Mark said shrugging. “So, what did she want to talk about?”

“Well, I wanted to see how you two were adapting to your lives here.” Celestia said with a sweet smile.

“Horrible.... Horrible.... I figured out that.... THERE IS NO CREAM SODA!”

“Uuuuh... You can buy that at the supermarket.” Jed said. “I saw it there when we were there the other week.”

“Fuck supermarkets, I have to take the car there. I like the convenient store more.” Mark said.

“Only cause it has porn.” Jed said.

“Shut up.... And your nude pics.” Mark said.

“Hey at least I admit it!” Jed said snickering.

“Well fuck you too then.” Mark said.

“Aaaaaaaaaanyway. Carrying on.” Twilight said.

“Right, I also came down with my sister so you three could meet.” Celestia said smiling as she gestured to her Lunar counterpart..

“But we were going to go to Vinyl’s to play video games!... And I was going to play League!” Mark complained. “Can we go now?”

“Wait... Did I hear someone say video games?” Luna said taking her headphones off and seeing Mark and Jed. “Good heavens what are they?”

“I’m serious! Its serious business! My whole life is on my computer.” Mark said.

“Mark calm down.” Jed said before he looked to Luna. “Oh hey... I am Jed and this crazy guy is Mark. We’re humans. Nice to meet’cha.”

“Fuck you Jed! I’m not crazy, even though I look crazy.” Mark said at Jed.

“Well I see these two are doing well.” Celestia said rolling her eyes as Twilight nodded with a snicker.

“If this is them being friendly, I’d hate to see them angry at each other.” Twilight replied.

“May I go now?” Mark asked nicely.

“Is there a chance I am going to say yes?” Twilight asked. Mark just went up to Twilight and hugged her.

“Yes, you would Mom.” Mark said nicely.

“... Not going to say anything. Cause it won’t work this time.” Twilight said looking away. Mark just stared at her with teary eyes.

“Please mom?”

“No! Now... Just sit down! You can go later!” Twilight almost forced out as she tried her best not to look at him, failing multiple times.

“Please! I’m begging you!” Mark said getting down on his knees with teary eyes. “Please!”

“Man wants his Ice cream.” Jed said staring at Mark.

“Fine! But you have to come right back! Do you understand?” Twilight said caving in, but still trying to hold up a firm tone. Mark just got up from his knees and hugged Twilight again, then giving her a small kiss on the cheek.

“Yeah! Cya!” Mark said letting her go and rushing out of the door.

“You come right back you hear me!” Twilight shouted at him.

“Yeah mom!” Mark shouted back. “IIIICEE CREAM AHOOOY!”

“... You realize the hell you have unleashed upon those poor store owners?” Jed asked as he walked over and sat in the chair opposite of Twilight. Twilight simply nodded and sat back down in her chair with a small sigh.

“So... ‘Mom’ huh?” Celestia asked with a grin which made Twilight groan.

“He says, I remind him of his mother and that his why he calls me such.” Twilight said sighing and picking up her tea to take a sip.

“Well I can always get the adoption papers if you want.” Celestia said making Twilight inhale her tea and begin to cough very hard.

“What?!” Was all she got out as she smacked her chest a few times to clear her esophagus. Celestia simply laughed lightly and shook her head while Luna simply sat there with the most confused expression anypony has ever seen.

“Can someone please tell me what the heck is going on here!?” Luna almost shouted making Jed spit his soda out at the sudden volume. All of a sudden the front door slammed open and Mark was standing there with a big bag of ice cream.

“Oh ello!” Jed said coughing a bit as he used a napkin to wipe away the sprayed soda.

“Fuck yeah... Ice cream.” Mark said rushing into the kitchen and basically stuffing the freezer with ice cream. He then came back out with a chocolate bar in his hands, and chewing on it.

“Nom nom?” Jed asked.

“Mmmh... Mmmh.” Mark mumbled while nodding.

“That good huh?” Jed asked.

“Mmh.” Mark hummed again.

“Okay now that Mark is back, I would like you two to meet my sister Luna.” Celestia said in her normal warm voice while gesturing to her sister.

“Ello.” Jed said waving at Luna.

“Heyoooo!” Mark said after swallowing his chocolate bar. “That shit was tasty.... Good thing I bought like....” Mark said as he held up his finger and started counting.

“Fifty... No thats too much...” Mark muttered. “Twenty seven... No... Can’t be...:”

“Thirteen?” Jed asked again. Mark just looked up in the roof and thought for a few seconds and looked back down at Jed.

“Somewhere in the teens... Yeah.” Mark said.

“Where’d you get the money for that?” Twilight asked.

“Eh, special prize.” Mark said.

“Right.... Don’t eat too many. I don’t want to have to hold a bucket for you later.” Twilight said rolling her eyes.

“Oh, that reminds me!” Mark said as he ran back into the kitchen and coming out with a bouquet Of roses in his hands, he then gave them to Twilight. “For... Um... Letting us stay here for so long.”

“Awww so sweet.” Jed said waving his fingers together and putting them under his chin. “I didn’t think you had a heart!”

There became a vein on Marks forehead, and a small thundercloud somehow appeared above him. “Hmmm. I have pushed the wrong button apparently.” Jed said plainly as he watched. Mark just slowly inhaled, and exhaled and somehow, there was a steam blowing out of his nose.

“Hmmm.” Jed hummed again as he stood up. He ran in place a moment before taking a runner’s pose and saying. “Feet don’t fail me now!” And proceeded to jump out the window. “HA HA!”

Mark just waited a few seconds before calming down and looking at the window with a confused expresion. “Where is he going? I ate a chili candy...”

“Oh god why!?” Jed shouted as he fell from the ceiling and land on the carpet. “Humans are very sturdy apparently.” He said as his voice was muffled.

“Well....” Mark said scratching his head. “Yeah... So ignore Jed and his crazy antics.”

“I like flying. If only I had wings. I’d be the worst flyer ever.” Jed said still muffled. Twilight simply blinked as she looked from the roses to Jed then to Mark then to Celestia and right back to the roses.

“Thank... You?” She said unsure. Mark just smiled and gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

“No problem mom! And you are welcome.” He said happily.

“So about those papers...” Celestia said in a teasing manner.

“What papers?” Mark said looking at Celestia with curiosity.

“Oh you know. Adoption and all that good stuff.” Celestia said in a dismissive tone.

“Oh! Thats nice! So who’s getting adopted.” Mark said with a smile.

“Please don’t say it. Please don’t say it. Please don’t say it.” Twilight kept chanting to herself quietly as Celestia began to speak again.

“Oh just Twilight’s thoughts on her Adopting you and Jed.” Celestia said sweetly.
“.... She is.” Mark said surprised. “That awesome!”

“Well that’s not the answer I was expecting.” Twilight said confused.

“What were you expecting?” Mark asked confused.

“Anything other than what you just said.” Twilight said blinking.

“What? I get to live with an awesome mom!” Mark said happily.

“He does have a point. How often would you hear of a kid whose mom has wings and a horn?” Jed said smiling as he took a sip from his drink.

“.... Wait.... I’m not a kid...” Mark said looking behind him.

“Yoooou kinda are.” Jed said snickering.

“Oh... I just like .... Mom...” Mark said pointing his thumb at Twilight.

“Well not to be a downer, but nothing is official as of yet.” Celestia said.

“Bu-.... But! Aww...” Mark said.

“Operative word being yet.” Celestia said smiling.

“... Right....” Mark said with a smile. “Uh... Wait why are you here again?”

“Oh yes! I forgot in all the excitement. I need to take you and Jed to Canterlot for about a week.” Celestia said going into her ‘Ruler of the land’ tone, sweet yet commanding. Luna however had long since gone back to her game to blot out the world around her.

“W-Wha... Uh.... Where?” Mark asked.

“The big castle on the mountain?” Celestia said pointing out the window.

“There is a castle on a mountain?” Mark said looking out the window. “Huh.... I always thought that was Disney land.”

“Here?” Jed asked.

“Hey you never know.... Disney buys everything nowadays.” Mark said shrugging.

“It’s wrong how true that is.” Jed said shaking his head and leaning back. “So why are we going?”

“Just a few tests to try and such and to get you acquainted a little better with what Equestria has to offer.” Celestia said smiling.

“Well that doesn't seem too bad.” Jed said shrugging. Mark just froze up.

“I heard the word test.... I hate tests!” Mark said shuddering.

“Would you rather me say experiments?” Celestia asked kindly.

“Your high tech vocabulary, is scaring me! Mooom! Make her stop!” Mark whined.

“Calm down Mark. And Celestia stop scaring Mark please.” Twilight said as Celestia rolled her eyes.

“He is fun to mess with though!... Oh fine. In all honesty, we are just going to do a few scans with a few spells and then we are done! The only thing is the tests take a while to collect information and finish.” Celestia said shrugging.

“I don’t things like that... But okay.” Mark said. “I’ll go...”

“Oh Mark is being such a big boy!” Twilight said in a mock motherly tone as she got up and hugged him

“So uncool.” Mark muttered out as he hugged her back.

“Oh you loved it.” Jed said rolling his eyes.

“No!..... Maybe.” Mark said.

“Alright... When would we leave?” Jed asked Celestia.

“Hmm. I would say tomorrow so you may call your work and gather some clothing and or supplies you may need.” Celestia said standing up. “So I would recommend doing that right now and preparing for tomorrow. With everything done, me and Luna must be off.”

“Hmm wha? I heard my name.” Luna said pulling her headphones down again. She saw her sister standing and blushed slightly before she got up and walked outside. Celestia said her goodbyes and left as well leaving Mark, Jed, and Twilight in the library.

“I just realized..... I don’t want to go... Its like the first day of school again!” Mark complained.

“Oh please! It will be fun! You will get to see Canterlot and the castle!” Twilight said trying to cheer him up.

“I don’t like leaving my hom-... I don’t like leaving the villa-.... I just don’t like leaving.” Mark said.

“Oh it’s only one week!” Twilight said smiling. “You’ll be back home before you know it!”

“Fine... If you say so.” Mark said walking towards his room.

“Oi! We gotta go tell our bosses we aren’t gonna be there tomorrow!” Jed asked.

“We can call them....” Mark said tiredly.

“My boss doesn’t have phone!” Jed whined.

“Go there then and tell her.” Mark said waving a dismissive hand.

“You want me to walk into the dark?” Jed deadpanned. “Into a forest?”

“Slenderman will get you.” Mark said.

“I think it’s Slendermare now.” Jed corrected.

“Genderman.” Mark said, with a narrator voice.

“Wha?” Jed replied confused.

“Genderman.... The thing that changes gender constantly.”

“What?... Just give me a ride.” Jed said.

“Tenderman.... The man who is tender all the time.” Mark said.

“Fine, I will just go hotwire the car then.” Jed said walking to the door.

“NO!” Mark said throwing a book in his face. “Never! EVER! HEVER! AHHHGIAN!”

“Jees! It was one time!” Jed whined.

“You almost fucking blew up the car.” Mark said looking at him angrily.

“I was set on fire! Doesn’t that make up for it?” Jed asked.

“NO.” Mark said firmly.

Jed just sighed and said. “Can I at least get a ride then?”

“I’ll ride you there for five bits, and five bits back.” Mark said, with a evil smile.

“What? No! That’s bullshit!” Jed said frustrated and walking to the door with Ruby following his heels. “I’ll just walk!”

“Alright, just don’t let It get you!” Mark said as he walked and sat down next to Twilight.

“Oh shut up...” Jed said waving his hand at Mark and closing the door.

“You sure that is safe?” Twilight asked.

“Give him ten minutes... Tops twenty.” Mark said leaning back and throwing an arm around Twilight. Exactly nineteen minutes and fifty nine seconds later.

BAMBAMBAMBAMBAMBAMBAMBAMBAMBAMBAMBAMBAMBAMBAMBAMBAMBAM!!!!

“LET ME IN GOD DAMN IT!” Jed shouted as he was denting the doors. Mark just laughed and collapsed on the floor. Twilight simply sat there as she was trying to keep her composure. “PLEASE! LIGHT IS ON! SOMEONE OPEN UP! AAAAAH! HELP!”

Mark just kept laughing and tried to get to the door, but it was in vain as he was laughing so hard he could barely move. Twilight couldn’t move for fear of laughing as she listened to Jed’s pleads. The knocking soon stopped before Mark’s car alarm went off. Mark just calmed down from his retarded hyena laughter and stood up, he then sighed and looked outside and saw that his alarm was blinking.

“Fuck..... My car keys are...” Mark said looking around before finding them. “Here.... Time to let him in then.”

“Please let him in!” Twilight said snickering.

“Alright alright!” Mark said opening the door and quickly moving out of the way. Jed just walked into the room with a blank face.

“Right.... He’s probably angry.” Mark said through a laugh before closing the door, and locking it. jed simply walked over to Mark and grabbed the collar of his jacket and lifted him a few inches off of the ground before saying.

“Yea... I am.” He said in a monotone before putting Mark down and walking to the kitchen.

“Well right... Um mom, I would suggest that we go to bed now.” Mark said looking at Twilight.

“Why is that?” Twilight asked.

“He rarely gets angry.... But when he does, eh... I would say... Hide.” Mark said tiredly.

“Right. Off to bed!” Twilight said as she unfolded her wings and flew to the top of the stairs and went to bed. Mark simply followed her, only using the stairs and went to bed as well.

It was one hour before Mark and Jed were supposed to be awake and Twilight had woken up early to be awake to see them off. She yawned and walked downstairs to the kitchen where Jed’s drawing pad was left on the table with a pencil on top of it and a certain page marked with a red tag. She blinked and looked back and forth before going over and looked at what he was drawing. 'That is disgusting and teriffying.' She thought.

Slightly gagging she closed the book and went to the fridge and pulled out the Orange Juice before she heard a small sound of music from upstairs.

“What is that noise?” Twilight said as she put the juice down and walked upstairs and followed the music to the door of Mark’s room. Twilight walked over and opened up his door before peeking in. “Mark? Are you awake?”

“Hmm?” Mark replied. “Did someone say something?”

“Over here Mark!” Twilight slightly yelled over the music.

“Oh mom! What are you doing awake?” Mark said as he took of his headphones, which were now blasting out music like speakers.

“AAH! TURN THE MUSIC DOWN!” Twilight shouted as her ears splayed against her head and pressed down by her hands.

“Oh shit sorry!” Mark said, as he quickly turned down the volume. Twilight smiled, slightly pained, and let her ears go.

“Thanks. Now to answer your question I was awake to see you two got up on time. And to see you off when you left.” She said smiling warmly. “Aaaand maybe I was going out to get something when I was done... Wait how long have you been up?”

“Uh.....” Mark said looking at the clock, from his seat. “Probably since you went to bed.”

“Aaaaw Mark...” Twilight said borderline frustration and disappointment.

“I’m sorry! Time flies when you play League!” Mark said holding up his hands.

“To your bed mister!” Twilight said firmly and pointing to his bed.

“N-... No come on mom!” Mark said pleadingly.

“No! To the bed! NOW!” Twilight said again only more commanding than firm.

“Awww.” Mark said turning off the computer and getting up, as he did he stumbled a bit. “Oh.... woah... Woah.... My motor skills are like.... Fucked..... At least I’m not dru-.... Wait... That might be it-”

Mark said as he stumbled around before collapsing on the bed, and started snoring. Twilight rolled her eyes and put a blanket over him while exiting the room and closing the door. With that she got dressed in her proper clothing and went out into the world to purchase a few items.

Now was the time that the carriage arrived and Mark and Jed had to leave. Twilight had called their bosses, meaning sent them a letter by magic, and told them about the situation. She woke up the two sleepy humans and headed downstairs where a certain captain of the guard was waiting.

“Shining!” She shouted happily as she ran over and hugged her brother that dwarfed her by a few inches.

“Hey Twiley! How are you?” He asked.

“I am great! Just waiting for the lazy bones to get up.” Twilight said snickering as a groan was heard.

“I’m up. I’m up!” Jed said as he walked down the stairs.

“Shut uuuup....” Mark complained. “God... My head.”

“Mark be nice.” Twilight said sternly.

“I’ll try....” Mark said sniffing. “I’m freezing....”

Jed simply turned to Mark. “Coffee?” Jed asked.

“....” Mark was just silent.

“Coffee it is then.” Jed said walking towards the kitchen.

“No.... It’s bad for your bowls which is bad.” Mark said tiredly.

“Right right. Half and half.” Jed said as he poured the coffee.

“Shut up! Yo don’t know nuffhin.... Fuck I forgot my bag.” Mark said walking back into his room and stumbling around abit.

“They always like this?” Shining whispered to his sister as Twilight snickered and nodded.

“Only in the morning.” Twilight said.

“Huh... Reminds me of someone.” Shining said holding back a loud laugh. He received a firm smack against his chest plate and a glare from his sister.

“Don’t you dare.” Twilight warned. Jed walked back out and was holding two cups of coffee.

“Mark! I got you your coffee!” Jed shouted tiredly as he sipped at his own.

“I told you! I dun want it.... Eaah!” Mark shouted back.

“His speech gets a bit messed up when he is tired.” Twilight explained receiving a nod from Shining.

“Give it too... To.... t-..... Rub- No wait, Mom!” Mark shouted.

“No thank you, I only drink black coffee.” Twilight said smiling. Jed just looked at the coffee before he saw Shining.

“You want this coffee Marshmallow?” Jed asked. Everyone in the room blinked as Shining looked behind him and then upstairs before pointing to himself. “Yeah you Marshmallow...”

“Uuuh... What’s in it?” Shining asked awkwardly.

“Coffee and milk.” Jed said plainly.

“Sure...” Shining said as he walked over and took the cup.

“By the way it’s not that strong.” Jed said plainly and he took a gulp from his coffee. Shining gave a nod and a smile as he took a sip from the mug. His eyes went to pin pricks and he almost spat out the coffee before forcing a swallow.

“Sweet Celestia what is this!?” Shining shouted. Jed just blinked and looked at his coffee.

“Coffee... Made it myself. The coffee here is super weak, so I put like... Twenty scoops into the coffee machine.” Jed said shrugging. Shining’s jaw dropped and he shook his head.

“Good Celestia... What is with your species?” He mumbled as he looked at the coffee and winced as he gulped down what was left of his coffee and cringing at the taste and putting the cup down while trying not to vomit.

“Well.... Heres a oxymoron for you. We are warmongering peacemakers that are technologically advanced and we still use bow and arrows.” Jed said. “Oh and we’ve been to the moon. In fact a space station orbits our planet.”

“Oh ya! Don’t forget the Ion cannon they are making.” Mark said.

“Yeah that too... Still confusing if you ask me. We have a rail gun why would we need a Ion Cannon?” Jed asked.

“You know how it is, the one who has the power that can wipe a continent off the map basically wins world power.... So that Ion Cannon can practically do that.” Mark said. “Its like... ‘lets just wipe a continent of the map cause you know, why the fuck not’.....”

“Makes sense.” Jed said shrugging.

“I-I-on.. Ca-an-non?” Shining stuttered out.

“Yeah.... Our technological warfare have gone out of hand.... I mean who the fuck comes up with hunter killer drones.” Mark said a little annoyed.

“Not to mention biological warfare.” Jed said as he finished his coffee.

“Oh right the horrors....”

“If those are the weapons....” Shining said flabbergasted. “What are you soldiers like!?”

“What the strongest military here?” Jed asked.

“Oh that would be the griffons! They gun discovered how to make a repeating crossbow!” Twilight said. “It’s only got three shots, but still.”

“Wow... What’s the poundage on them?” Jed asked.

“Around fifty pounds. Why?” Twilight asked. Jed and Mark simply looked to each other before they both burst into laughter. After a while Shining asked.

“What is so funny?”

“We have crossbows that rack up to over three hundred pounds in a single crossbow!” Jed said laughing. “It’ll pin you to a fucking wall!”

“Sweet Celestia’s mother!” Shining shouted.

“If that surprises you, have I told you about a gun yet?” Mark asked.

(One extensively long and detailed conversation later.)

“WHY WOULD YOU MAKE THAT!?” Shining shouted as Twilight was in the bathroom hurling.

“Eh... It was to protect ourselves, but I think we went overboard on that one.” Jed said scratching his head.

“Well, did invent one that can punch a hole in a steel all from two thousand meters...” Mark said.

“No no no... Please go to the carriage.” Shining said.

“What was the most powerful firearm on earth?” Mark asked

“The portable railgun I think.” Jed said as he walked outside.

“Didn’t like rip you apart from the inside when you fired it?”

“Eh, torn off arm or broken ribs most likely. But tanks down a tank... And everyone behind it. And probably more.” Jed said shrugging.

“So thats why they are going to mount it on a combat suit along with a vulcan minigun.” Mark said now somewhat more awake.

“Yup!” Jed said smiling. “... How did that liquid terminator even work?”

“I dunno.... Have you heard about the Dreadnought mobile.... Whatever it was called.” Mark asked.

“The tank bot?” Jed asked. They walked outside talking about the humans’ latest death machines while Twilight came back.

“And you have been living with those guys!?” Shining almosts shouted. Twilight sighed and shook her head.

“No they aren’t blood craving monsters that seek nothing but war. They are actually very nice. A bit grim at times, but very nice.” Twilight said smiling. Shining just sighed and walked out with Twilight as they saw the Humans putting their things into the carriage.

“Oh yeah how about that new missile battery they are making...” Mark said.

“Do you think they ever thought about walking landmines?” Jed asked.

“Do I dare ask what a missile is?” Twilight whispered to Shining.

“No.” Shining said sternly. “Please just not now.”

“Okay okay...” Twilight said.

“Oh hey mom! We are just about finished.” Mark said happily.

“Mom?” Shining said looking at Twilight.

“Long. Story.” Twilight growled grinding her teeth a bit.

“Okay okay jeez.” Shining said walking over to them and getting into the carriage.

“Anyway... Bye you two!” Twilight said waving.

“Wait.... You are not following?” Mark asked. “Aww...”

“Well someone has to look after Ruby and all the other stuff in this house.” Twilight said. “Spike left when he found he couldn’t stand you guys! He has been living with Rarity!”

“Hm.... I wonder..... How long will it take before earth is completely destroyed by thermonuclear warfare.” Mark said.

“Ten years minimum.” Jed said shrugging as he got into the carriage.

“And then we have that Ion Cannon who puts everyone at a power imbalance..... Oh well we’ll see what continent get’s wiped first.” Mark said shrugging.

“Ce la vie.” Jed said shrugging. With that Mark hopped into the carriage and it took off towards Canterlot for the two Humans tests. “Why do I have the strangest feeling that shenanigans are going to happen?”

Author's Notes:

No they aren't going to gain magic. No they aren't going to get super powers. None of that mainstream crap.
Shenanigans are going to ensue.
Have a picture!

Chapter 6: Of beds, New ponies, and Jokes.

Soon the Humans, Princesses, and military officer all arrived at the castle with a swift and easy landing. The door opened as Mark and Jed hopped out and looked up to see the castle.

“Huh... I honestly thought... It would be bigger.” Jed said looking around the place. Mark just lazily stumbled around and looking around.

“Meh, whatever.... Where is the nearest couch?” Mark asked. Jed just shrugged and watched as Luna, Celestia, and shining walked out of the carriage. Shining saluted the princesses before he walked off down the hall while giving Mark and Jed a wave as he turned the corner. Luna walked straight past Mark and Jed, not really paying attention as her eyes were practically glued to her PSvita. Celestia sighed as she watched her sister walk away.

Mark slightly glanced at Lunas ass, and almost instantly awoke. “..... Dat....” Mark began to say before he bit his lip.

“Mark. Behave.” Jed mumbled while slightly smacking Mark’s side.

“Ass.” Mark muttered out.

“You happy now?” Jed asked rolling his eyes.

“Kinda.... Still tired though.” Mark said.

“Well you may go relax in the guest rooms. I will show you around a bit first, so that you don’t get lost later on. Come along now.” Celestia said as she began to walk down the halls. Jed just shrugged and began to follow Celestia while putting his headphones around his neck and letting a little bit of music flow out.

“Now let’s let it fade to black while the giant insect burns everything down...” Jed sang along quietly as he looked around the castle. Everything was going fine until he bumped into some random unicorn guy. “Whoops! Oh god sorry pal!”

The unicorn got up with a huff and a glare towards Jed. He had a blond mane and a solid white coat and appeared to be wearing a dress coat along with some rather fancy clothing. “I am not your pal, you... Thing.” He said in a snooty tone.

“Jeez dude, I said I was sorry.” Jed said annoyed.

“I don’t care if you said sorry! You still smacked into me!” He said almost beginning to shout.

“Fuck dude, I just bumped into you. Don’t get your panties in a wad.” Jed said.

“How rude! Do you even know who I am!?” He was practically screaming at this point.

“Some fancy ass noble.” Mark muttered out, walking past them.

“No and frankly, I don’t care. Now would you please move, so I can continue the tour?” Jed asked. “Or am I going to have to move you myself?”

“Are you threatening me!?” The unicorn said flabbergasted. Jed shook his head.

“Nope. I am promising. You don’t move, I will make you.” Jed said smiling wickedly. The unicorn caught sight of his canines that came with his toothy smile.

“W-well... Y-you are worth my time! So I will just be going.” The unicorn said as he quickly walked around Jed and almost ran down the hallway.

“Pussy.” Jed chuckled as he caught up with Mark and Celestia. “Sooo... What I miss?”

“Oh not much. I see you met my nephew.” Celestia said snickering. “What did you do to make him leave like that?”

“Smiled?” Jed said shrugging.

“I... See? Anyway, this is the kitchen. Feel free to ask the chefs for anything you might want.” Celestia said smiling then her brow furrowed and she puckered her lips as she thought for a moment. “By the way, what do you guys eat anyway?”

“Eh... Lots of things I guess. Not plants like flowers and grass, but other greens we can eat. Also fruit and meat.” Jed said shrugging again as Celestia’s expression went to mild shock.

“Your kind eats meat?” She asked slightly worried. Jed just nodded and sighed.

“If you are worried, about us eating anyone, no. We only eat pigs, cows, chicken, and fish.” Jed said smiling.

“Well that explains why Blueblood ran off in a hurry. He was never really comfortable around meateaters.” Celestia said snickering. “While we are here, would you two like to meet the chef?”

“Uuhm... Sure?” Jed said slightly unsure. Celestia smiled and walked over to the door before opening it up and wandering into the kitchen along with Mark and Jed in tow. It looked like the kitchen you would see in a restaurant only with a more homely feeling added to it.

As they walked in there were only a few ponies on kitchen duty apparently as there was only two ponies and a...

“Is that a griffon?” Jed asked pointing to the large brown and white griffon that was wearing a chef’s outfit and had a rather nice mustache going. He looked at least six foot five and was extremely muscular with a nice set of wings on his back. More so than most ponies Jed or Mark had seen.

“Why yes he is. He is a extremely good cook. Also one of the friendliest griffons you will ever meet.” Celestia said smiling. “Loidwick! Please come here!”

The griffon turned and apparently all griffons have naturally pissed off expressions, but he smiled as soon as he saw Celestia. He walked over and opened up his massive arms before hugging Celestia.

“Ah! Celestia! How was your trip? Did you want something to eat after the trip?” He asked in a thick scottish accent. Celestia returned the hug before he let go and looked at Mark and Jed. “Eh?... What’s with the hairless Diamond Dogs?”

“Diam-what now?” Jed asked.

“Loidwick, this is Jed and Mark. They are the only ones of their species here, so please try and make them comfortable. Also they are meat eaters so you already have something in common with them!” Celestia said happily as Loidwick walked over and stared down at both Mark and Jed, making them both look up to see his face.

“Why am I always dwarfed wherever I go?” Jed muttered.

“Mmmh.” Mark hummed looking extremely tired. Loidwick just shook his head and smiled. ‘That’s a bit freaky. A beak smiling.’ Jed thought.

“Well you boys like meat? Well feel free to ask for anything you might want. We have everything that you could possibly want. And if you want something specific don’t be afraid to asked!” Loidwick said picking them both up and hugging them almost crushing their chest cavities.

“I.. Can’t... Breath.” Jed gasped.

“Stuck between a rock and a hardplace.” Mark quickly said gasping for air.

“Loidwick... You might be killing them.” Celestia said slightly snickering. Loidwick looked down at the two humans and put them down quickly before chuckling nervously. Jed let in a huge gasp and coughed for a moment before smiling weakly.

“I think I can safely say that a griffon hugs worse than a bear.” Jed said coughing a bit afterwards.

“Jesus.... Almost feels as bad as I woke up next to a giant dog.” Mark said still trying to catch his breath.

“Sorry... I forget my strength.” Loidwick said chuckling nervously. “Would you like some tea for your throats?”

“Please...” Jed wheezed out.

“Uh, no... Just get me some alcohol.” Mark said tiredly. “A beer would be fine.”

“Alright gimmie one minute.” Loidwick said smiling and walking over to the fridge. One moment he was simply standing there and the next he was already back with the tea and beer. “Tea for you. And a beer for you.”

“Thanks.” Jed said as he took his tea and sipped at it. He cleared his throat a bit and smiled. “Ah much better.”

Mark just downed half of his beer before saying. “This thing tastes like its spewed out with water...”

“Aye...” Loidwick said looking from side to side before leaning down and whispering. “You need the strong stuff look for griffon beverages. They will knock you on your flank.”

“Oh really?” Mark said interested. Loidwick merely nodded before leaning back up as Celestia curiously looked at them both.

“Oh Loidwick, you trying to give our guests alcohol poisoning again?” Celestia said in a parental tone.

“Of course not Princess! I am merely giving advice to them in case they wish to have a good time.” Loidwick said. Celestia simply rolled her eyes and ushered Jed and Mark outside.

“I like that guy. He’s nice.” Jed said looking to mark.

“Mmh....” Mark hummed.

“Exactly.” Jed said smiling. Celestia showed them around the castle a bit more pointing out the Throne Room, the Dinning hall, and the entertainment room that was a large T.V. with an array of movies and a few gaming systems. Finally she showed the two humans to their rooms.

“And here are your rooms. You will be staying in these for the week so please get settled in. We are going to start the testing tomorrow.” Celestia said with a smile as she turned to walk. “Oh and dinner is going to be served in about two hours.”

With that she left the two humans to their rooms and Jed just shrugged at Mark before opening the door and walking in. “I feel like I am in an extremely fancy hotel.” He muttered as he walked inside.

Mark just went into his room and closed the door. Jed simply looked back at his door before he looked around. “First thing you do in a hotel?” Jed asked himself. “Jump on to bed!”

He walked until he found the bed and ran straight for it and flopped onto the bed before saying. “Oh god... So soft...” And immediately falling asleep on the bed.

Mark though, during the month he was in equestria, saved up for a laptop, and bought one. So he also brought his headset, keyboard and laptop in his extra bag. He just quickly packed it up on a table on his room, and then started playing league. Cause tired league play is best league play.

After a good hour and a half, Jed woke up and stretched a bit as he tried to get the kinks out of his bones. A few loud snaps and pops later, he let out a sigh and walked out of his room looking around the place. He went back into his room and found a clock on the table and sighed as he still had no idea what time it was. He looked around the place and walked over to his pack and pulled out his drawing pad and pencil before sitting on the bed and sketching a bit.

“Fucking Mokai and his Mother nature!” Mark yelled out before loud clicking was heard. “Yeah take that bitch! Where is your mother na-.... What the fuck! Where did you come from you, bird?!”

“Jinx’d!” Jed shouted to Mark.

“The plays! The plaaays!” Mark said as more loud clicking and clacking came from his keyboard. “And now I’m just flashing out of here.... Tee hee.”

“Don’t jinx yourself again! You always do that!” Jed shouted snickering afterwards.

“Yeah yeah...” Mark said, before a loud yawn was heard. “I should have gone to bed... But nooo!”

“Yep! You probably got some time for a quick nap if you want.” Jed shouted.

“Gotta finish up this match.” Mark said as he continued playing.

“And the next one. And the next one. And the next one.” Jed kept repeating over like a broken record.

“A enemy has been slain.” A loud voice said. “Whoopsie...”

“Hurray! Break out the vodka! He got a kill!” Jed said cackling afterwards.

“Like my stats won’t change anyhow.” Mark said before adding. “I’m currently twelve, one , fourteen.”

“Greeeeeeat... No idea what you are talking about.” Jed said as he sketched a bit more.

“Kills, Deaths, Assists.” Mark said again.

“Good for you.” Jed said rolling his eyes. “These walls are extremely thin apparently.”

“Yeah yeah... Feel free to continue whatever you are doing I’m going continue.” Mark said as he started up music.

“No blaring music! We’re in a public place now!” Jed shouted.

“Okay...” Mark said just continuing with his game. Jed Just sighed as he sketched a bit more before he got his own headphones and pulled them on and listened to some music from his phone. After a few minutes there was a loud knock from the doors, which made jed jump considering it went straight through his headphones. He got up and walked over to the door before he opened it and totally didn’t screech like a little girl when he saw the uneven yellow and red eyes of the mismatched creature in front of him.

“Good god!” Jed shouted as he backpedaled and fell on his ass. He was about to keep moving until he heard someone giving a deep laugh. Jed looked up and saw the strange mismatched creature laughing. He looked off for a second before he began to chuckle himself until he was in a full blown laugh. After a good ten minute ROFL attack, Jed got up and wiped a tear from his eye before approaching the creature again.

“So who do I owe the pleasure of scaring my ass, and then making me laugh my lungs out?” Jed said coughing a bit. The mismatched creature smiled, oddly enough having a single fang, and stood up to his practically ten foot height. “Christ... You wanna shrink so I don’t feel like a ant?” Jed joked.

The creature simply shrugged and snapped his fingers making him shrink to Jed’s height and smile when he looked at him. Jed blinked and was about to say something before he just let out a massive breath. “You know.... If I didn’t already know that magic is magic... I might have freaked out.” Jed deadpanned making the creature chuckle. “But, I will admit that that was pretty cool.”

“Thank you! I like to impress when I can!” The creature said as he walked out of the room. “Now come on! Dinner is ready and good ol’ Solar Flank isn’t gonna wait. Names Discord by the way.”

“Discord...” Jed mused to himself before shrugging and smiling. “Makes sense.”

“I know right?” Discord said as he was gone. Jed looked around until he saw that Discord simply was now perched on Jed’s shoulder like a parrot. And the size of one as well.

“... I take it your name implicates what you do?” Jed said chuckling. Discord simply nodded as Jed walked out the door and over to Mark’s room. He knocked on the door while Discord lounged on his shoulder. “Oi! Mark! Get out here, it’s time for Dinner!”

“Sonofa...... Damn it.... Fine.” Mark muttered out as he walked out of his room with a yawn. He then looked at Discord, before raising an eyebrow. “Who is the elder god looking guy?”

“Oh this is Discord.” Jed said pointing to Discord on his shoulder. “He is a chaotic dude. And I am assuming quite the prankster considering that he can do magic.”

“To be fair, I am the God of Chaos.” Discord said shrugging.

“Soooo.... He’s an elder god?” Mark asked with a still raised eyebrow. Jed just shrugged making Discord fidget a bit before he just hung his legs over Jed’s shoulder.

“I guess so?” Jed said before he dramatically pointed down the hallway. “Anyway... Onward! To dinner!”

“Hope they have ice cream... Cause I have a sudden craving for it.” Mark said before yawining again.

“You sound like you are pregnant.” Jed said snickering.

“League does weird things to you.” Mark said before walking up to Jed. “Lead the way.”

“Actually, I would follow this guy.” Jed said pointing to Discord who just shrugged. Discord hopped off of Jed’s shoulder and grew back to the same height as the humans before walking down the hallway.

“Follow me!” He said in a somewhat disturbingly happy tone. Jed just shrugged and began to follow Discord down the hall. After a few minutes they came upon the Dinning hall again as Discord simply walked through the doors. Not opened and closed them, ghost like walking through the doors.

“... Wish I could do that.” Jed said blinking before he walked over to the doors and walked through them like a normal person or pony would. They walked through the doors and saw the Dining hall with the massive table in the center with Celestia at the end with her sister sitting there with a bored look on her face. Discord on the other hand was sitting on a chair next to Celestia on the right side of the table while Shining Armor was sitting on the left with a strange pink Alicorn with a cream, lavender, and magenta striped mane.

“Huh... I thought Alicorns were supposed to be rare yet we live with one and there are three right there.” Jed whispered to Mark.

Mark just remained silent and looked at them. “Three alicorns and a Elder god.”

“Yup. Ain’t this just the friendliest environment ever!” Jed said with a sarcastic smile. Then he walked over and took a seat next to Discord and sighed as he leaned back in the chair. “Why is everything here so damned comfy?”

“Fuduble me if I know.” Mark said as he walked over and sat down directly opposite of Jed.

“I take it you two are enjoying your stay here?” Celestia asked.

“Uh.... Yeah.” Mark said tiredly.

“Beds are freakin’ soft.” Jed said smiling. “Passed out earlier when I laid on it.”

“That is great! In any case, I would like you two to meet my niece Cadance! She is married to Shining Armor.” Celestia said with a smile as she gestured to the pink Alicorn that was sitting next to Shining Armor.

“Sup.” Jed said giving a small wave and smile. Mark just tipped his hat at her.

“Hello.” Cadance said back in a sweet tone.

“Hmmm... That brings a question to my mind...” Jed mused. “If Celestia is the princess of the sun and Luna the moon. Does that make her the princess of the.... Thing?”

“The power of love?” Mark said quickly.

“Yes actually!” Cadance said smiling.

“Holy fuck, I was right.... I wasn’t even serious....” Mark said tiredly.

“Hey points for you then.” Jed said snickering before he turned to Cadance. “Anyway how does that work... Do you help ponies fall in love or do you simply give off love in general?”

“I will occasionally help out here and there. Mostly sensing love and helping it bloom.” She said smiling before turning to Shining and whispering. “And you said they were violent.”

“You didn’t hear what I heard.” Shining said shaking his head. The food soon came as the large griffon Loidwick came out with several dishes.

“Freaking griffons and their overly strong bodies.” Jed said shaking his head. Loidwick walked over and put a covered platter in front of each pony, and human, before he snapped his talons and several waiters walked out and poured a glass of wine for each glass that was in front of them.

“Enjoy everyone!” Loidwick said smiling before he left along with the other waiters. As the waiters left they took the tops off of the platters revealing the food of choice for each pony. Luna and Celestia had some sort of fancy salads, Shining had what look like a fruit/veggie mix, and Cadance had just a simple salad with some dressing over it.

The humans however, were partaking in something that they had been without for quite some time. Jed blinked as he saw the sight of a grilled Pork chop and fries sitting on his plate and looked over to Mark who simply had a steak that was Barbecued with rice on the bottom of it and a simple side of salad sitting next to it along with a small side dish that had some type of sauce..

“..... Meat?” Jed asked to no one in particular.

“Carnivores for the win.” Mark said, pouring sauce all over his dish, before digging in. Without a single other word, Jed picked up his utensil and followed suit. After dinner there was several satisfied ponies and humans along with a slightly startled Cadance.

“I didn’t think you two would be meat eaters.” Cadance said nervously laughing.

“Oop, that would be my fault.” Celestia said sheepishly. “I forgot to tell you, but Loidwick was more than happy to help you two out. He said and I quote ‘A meat eater is a meat eater, no point in trying to change that’.”

“Omnivore, we are Omnivores.” Mark said, picking his teeth with a toothpick.

“Oh thank goodness.” Cadance mumbled.

“I will give it to Loidwick though. Guy is a hell of a cook.” Jed said leaning back after wiping his face with a napkin.

“Still... Hope there isn’t a Gordon Ramsey in this universe.... Would suck so bad.” Mark said.

“Eh... I got something to eat that wasn’t salad or fruit. I am happy.” Jed said shrugging. Then he turned to Celestia and said. “Soooo.... What now?”

“Well... I guess you are free to roam the castle as long as you don’t leave.” She said smiling.

“Hmm... Off to the entertainment room! More specifically.. TO THE VIDEO GAMES!” Jed shouted standing up dramatically.

“Back to my room.” Mark muttered as he got up and sluggishly stumbled around. “Sonofa...” He muttered before falling to his knees then to his stomach and passing out.

“... Welp... Mark to his room. Then to the video games!” Jed said as he walked over to Mark and looked at him for a moment before suddenly a snap of fingers and Mark was gone.

“Why drag him around?” Discord said snickering. Jed looked at Discord and shrugged again before walking off towards the doors and heading out.

“Thanks for dinner! Give my regards to Loidwick!” Jed shouted as he exited the room and began to wander the halls. He wandered the halls until he found the entertainment room and walked inside. He walked over to the shelf of games and picked out the game that was rather familiar, if not exactly the same as what he remembered. “Mass Effect? Here?... Cause why the fuck not?”

He walked over and put the disc in the X-Buck before he groaned as he had to transfer his profile. Luckily here they made it so it carried all of your data, which mind you took much longer but was worth it. So after a good twenty minutes of watching some random show on the T.V. while it loaded, he picked up the remote and went to multiplayer before clicking on his Turian soldier.

“Boom headshot. Boom headshot. Boom headshot.” Jed said as he shot the Cannibals with his Blackwidow, not hitting them in the head but still killing them. He stretched out his hands as the game ended before another started up along with a new player. “GalaticLunarSlayer?... Who the fuck is that?”

He shrugged and went in game with her as he heard the two other ponies rage over the mics as they continuously died. G.L.S.(The new pony) was simply sticking closer to Jed’s character and shooting the geth when they got to close. Jed was busy sniping the grunts and pegging the Banshees and Brutes as G.L.S. was behind him guarding his flank with a Geth Shotgun and a N7 Typhoon.

After the match and the other two guys leaving, Jed just laughed and smiled as the one match had given him plenty. He played a few more matches with this G.L.S., never dying once with her around and saving her ass a lot as well. As time passed then he got a friend’s request from said player. He smiled tiredly and accepted it before he looked at his gamertag ‘The D0CT3R’ and logged off before heading out of the large entertainment room and to the hallway. He tiredly look around and made his way to his room. As he walked he bumped into Luna and staggered back a bit.

“Oh god! Sorry Princess Luna.” Jed said tiredly as he rubbed his eyes and yawned a bit.

“PEEEENTA KILL!” Mark yelled out from his room, which was probably heard over half of Canterlot. “YEEEAH!”

“It’s alright.” She said shaking her head at Mark’s outburst. “I was on my way to the kitchen to get something to drink. I have been too busy playing Mass Effect to realize I was thirsty.”

“Oh really? I just got done playing that game myself!” Jed said smiling. Luna’s ears perked up and she looked at jed with a tilted head.

“You play Mass Effect?” She asked.

“Well, I have a profile and play it when I can, but I don’t have a console. Yet.” Jed said smiling. “Play other games too. Haylo, Colt of Duty, Cogs of War, Left for dead one and two, Battlefield three, Bioshock one, two, and Infinite, Hitmare: Absolution, and lots of Minecraft when I am on the computer.”

“Wow... Avid gamer?” Luna asked smiling.

“Very much so.” Jed said tiredly. “We should play sometime.”

“That would be wonderful, but I must warn you, I have had my share of practice.” Luna said laughing. Jed chuckled and looked around before noticing a small pile of parchment and a pen on a maid’s service cart. He walked over and wrote his gamertag on one of them before handing it to Luna.

“There you go. Send me a message next time you are on. I play on the X-Buck by the way.” Jed said before walking off. Luna waved and walked away before she looked at the paper and her eyes went wide. She turned to say something before seeing he was gone.

Jed had yet out a massive yawn before he reached his room. He walked over to the bed and crawled into it before covering himself up with the silk sheets. With one last massive and loud yawn he let his head fall onto the plush pillows and gently fell into the world of sleep.

A somewhat loud knocking came from Jed’s guest room door. He simply groaned and rolled over in the bed. He didn’t want to get up. Bed was too comfy. Apparently, this wasn’t allowed as the door to his room was opened and he was simply pulled out of bed and put on his feet. Where he immediately fell on the ground.

“Ow...” Jed moaned out in pain as he lifted himself up. He looked to see who pulled him out of bed, and saw that Celestia was wearing a grin and was holding a hand over her mouth in order to keep from snickering. “Happy?”

“Quite. Now please go put on something casual. You’re tests start today.” She said as she turned and walked out the door as Jed walked over to his bag and pulled out a white tee and blue jeans along with his fedora before heading to the bathroom to shower up and get ready fro the day. After a quick shower, of ice water and then warm water, he got out and headed to Mark’s room before knocking.

“Yo Markie! Get your arse out here!” Jed shouted as he knocked.

“Fuduble you.” Mark muttered out.

“Oh just get out here.” Jed said rolling his eyes.

“No.” Mark muttered out as he turned around in bed. Jed just opened the door and walked in and shook Mark a bit.

“Come on. We have those test things today.” Jed said.

“You know I’m practically naked right now and you just waltz into my room, thinking you can do whatever the fuck you want?” Mark muttered out.

“Well you didn’t forewarn me so this is on you.” Jed said shrugging.

“So you expect me to sleep fully clothed?” Mark asked.

“Noooo. I expect you to get out of bed and get some damned clothes on.” Jed said annoyed.

“Nah.” Mark said before burying his head in the pillow.

“Do I need to go and find a dog and make it give you the cold nose to get you out of bed?” Jed asked. “Cause I’ll do it!”

“Fuck you and get out so I can change you fag.” Mark muttered angrily.

“Yeah yeah...” Jed said walking over to the door and heading out. Not closing it, leaving Mark in the bed.

“The fuck? Great move.”

“Oh right. Sorry used to small apartments.” Jed said walking back and closing the door before leaning against the wall across from the door. A few minute laters Mark came out of his room dressed in his usual clothes. “Ready for some breakfast?”

“Yeah yeah.” Mark said walking out of the room. Jed nodded and got off of the wall before heading down the hallway.

“Now let’s see if I can remember!” Jed said as he took a turn down the hall. They roamed for a few minutes before they reached the dining hall just in time for breakfast to appear. “Ha ha! Success.”

They walked over and took their seats that they had yesterday and leaned back in their seats as breakfast was brought out to them. It was the same for everyone eggs, toast, orange juice and bacon, never can forget that bacon. Well bacon for the humans, Haycon for the ponies. As they enjoyed their breakfast, Jed asked a simple question.

“So what are these tests going to involve?” Jed asked curiously and he nibbled on a piece of bacon. Celestia took a sip from her juice before clearing her throat.

“Well... Several simple biology tests, which are done with spells. They will tell us how your anatomy works. A few blood samples. And after that just a few simple physical tests to see how your bodies work. If anything abnormal shows up, then we will investigate that ask a few questions and then we are done!” Celestia said smiling.

“Huh.... Seems like a lot more for being here for a whole week.” Jed said scratching his head.

“Well that is only this day and tomorrow. The days after that are going to be learning a few things about Equestria itself.” Celestia said shrugging.

“Definitely like school again.” Mark muttered.

“Oh it won’t be that bad.” Jed said rolling his eyes.

“Schoooool.” Mark said in a spooky voice

“Okay! Okay! I get it!... It’s awful.” Jed said shuddering. “Dear god don’t bring up the halloween party.”

They ate in peace for a few more minutes till that nephew of Celestia’s came in, trying to look all regal and shit. In everyone’s eyes he just looked like someone put a metal rod up his ass and never took it out.

“... Is it just me. Or is he walking funny?” Jed asked as he looked at Blueblood before going back to his meal.

“It looks like he got a giant stick up his ass..... Like a turian.” Mark said as he was eating

“Ha!” Jed and Luna said at the same time as they laughed at the video game joke, while Celestia, Shining, and Cadance looked at them strangely. “What? It was funny.”

“Hello everyone! I am... Oh. Those... Carnivores are still here.” Blueblood said sneering at the two humans.

“Omnivores, but I won’t hesitate to eat cha!” Mark said with a evil smile which made Blueblood turn paler than he already was.

“Mark!... You know not to tell the prey what you are going to do before you do it! Shame on you! Tch tch tch tch.” Jed said shaking his head.

“He’ll never see me coming.” Mark said looking at Jed, before continuing to eat. “Ponies taste awesome.”

Jed just stared off for a moment before his expression turned to one as if he had an epiphany then he burst into laughter ultimately falling on the ground. “Oh god!... So true!” He shouted from the floor.

Blueblood however was still mortified. When Jed got off the floor he looked and saw him before he turned to Mark and said. “Time for a chase?”

“Nom nom.” Mark said standing up, slowly.

“Agreed.” Jed said as he mimicked the action. There was a split second before the doors were flung open and began to swing back and forth before gently settling. “And that my friends... Is how you get rid of a prick.”

“I really thought we were eating him..... Oh well.” Mark said sitting down again.

“So you want to skin a guy and eat him? Then you’re taking his junk off for cooking.” Jed said.

“Right, I’mma throw it in someones face too!” Mark said snickering.

“Mark... We’re not doing that.” Jed deadpanned.

“Fuck.” Mark muttered.

“You can throw a severed penis at someone later.” Jed said waving his hand dismissively. Luna and Celestia simply sat there staring at Jed while Shining and Cadance stared at Mark. “What?”

“Du buq was that?!” Luna almost shouted.

“Uuuuuh.... Crazy antics by me and Mark... Enjoy the show?” Jed asked with a smile.

“Sounds kinky.” Mark said quickly.

“Indeed.” Jed said in a posh accent while holding up a tea cup and sipping at it.

“Where did one get that tea from?” Mark asked looking at the tea cup

“That kettle. And that tray.” Jed said pointing to the tray next to him with a kettle and tea cups. “Not bad tea though. Tastes of mint.”

“Huh.......” Mark said shaking his head.

“Hey mark... Tastes. Of. Mint.” Jed said seriously.

“Shut up.....” Mark said shaking his head. “For your information, it makes the deal much more awesome.”

“Hey at least I ain’t blowing no horns!” Jed said.

“Oh! So mark plays an instrument?” Luna asked curiously. Jed looked at her with a stoic expression before smiling and chuckling.

“You could say that. Certainly makes a lot of noise.” Jed said snickering.

“Oh, like you don’t.” Mark said deadpanning.

“Hey! At least I admit it!” Jed said.

“Oh really? What about the time I walk-” Mark began.

“Ssssshhhhut up. We promise never to talk about that.” Jed said pointing at finger at Mark.

“For that matter.... What does.... Eh.....” Mark began scratching his chin.

“It involved Tequila leave me alone.” Jed said facepalming.

“What did you say that VS tasted like again?” Mark asked suddenly interested

“Sprite.” Jed said facepalming.

“Really? Lime... Of all the things?” Mark said surprised.

“Fizzy lemon and lime thank you.” Jed said.

“Sooo.... Fizzy.... Lime....” Mark said with a strange face.

“Better than mint.” Jed said.

“FIIIIZZZY LIME!” Mark said keeping the face.

“Oh god damn it...” Jed said smashing his face against the table. “I want to go back to sleep...”

“FIIIZYEH LIIIEM!” Mark repeated staring at Jed with his face. “Not to mention lemon to... but.... LIIIIIIME!”

“Why am I friends with again?” Jed asked himself.

“I actually don’t know...” Mark said keeping his strange face on, and looking out the window.

“Good enough for me... Now finish your breakfast.” Jed said.

“I’m like long time finished.... I just gotta..... Not eat this minty.... Chocolate... Minty....” Mark said narrowing his eyes.

“... You’re getting aroused aren’t you?” Jed asked seriously.

“It depends on how you look at it!” Mark said unseriously.

“And you are looking at it at that way aren’t you?” Jed said.

Mark just remained quiet for a few seconds before replying “Yes.”

“That’s what I thought. Eat your mint.” Jed said.

“But I don’t like minty chocolate.” Mark said.

“Eat. The. Mint.” Jed said looking up.

“No.” Mark said looking at Jed.

“Eat the mint Mark. Don’t do dis.” Jed said standing up from his seat.

“I don’t fucking like mint!” Mark said standing up too.

“Eat the fucking mint!” Jed shouted slamming his hands on the table..

“NOOO!” Mark said throwing the mint chocolate down on the table. They glared at each other for a few moments before Jed said.

“Oh... Now I remember why I am friends with you again.” Jed said smiling.

“Oh yeah!” Mark said smiling too. “It’s awesome.”

“So we good now?” Jed asked.

“We good.” Mark said sitting down. “Whoggide boggide boo!”

“Well said!” Jed said sitting down as well. Everyone in the dining room was staring at them before Celestia stood up and cleared her throat before politely asking.

“This is your mornings? Every day?” Celestia asked with a seriously quizzical expression.

“Well... That really depends on the mornings, for example..... We can never have pancakes at the morning ever..... Again.” Mark said. “Ever. Like for.... Ever.”

“Why?” Celestia asked.

“Don’t really matter except if its breakfast.... And why? One word.... Roger.” Mark said looking at Celestia. There was a silence before Shining said.

“Where’s Jed?”

“Where is she?” Jed asked as he was hiding behind one guards, who was confused, with a terrified expression.

“Shes not here that’s for sure.” Mark said, sighing a bit.

“Oh thank god.” Jed said walking out from behind the guard and back to his seat. “I don’t like her.”

“Shes not that bad when you get to know her....” Mark said.

“I tried to get to know her! She punched me out a window!” Jed whined.

“Uh... She might have some grudge against you...” Mark said.

“I took money from her wallet once! Once! It was like two bucks!” Jed omplained.

“Riiiiight.....” Mark said. “You could have asked.”

“She would have broken my hand.” Jed said.

“Just cause you like grouping.” Mark said again.

“Christ that was by accident!” Jed said slamming his face against the table again.

“Doesn’t that hurt?” Cadance asked with pained expression.

“Naw.... Okay a little, but that’s because I facetabled on my teacup.” Jed said. “Best idea ever right?”

“You done yet?... I’m getting bored.” Mark said.

“One second.... And I might have spilt grape soda on her favorite shirt but that is about it.” Jed said lifting his head. “Other than the fact that she was wearing the shirt, but you know...”

“Alright..... Um... Lets a go.” Mark said. “Do them testy thangs.”

“Ha... Testy.” Jed said standing up. “I wonder how Vinyl and Lyra are doing....”

“Hey Lyra, you know where the guys went?” Vinyl asked as she saw Lyra walking through the streets.

“They were sent to Canterlot apparently.” Lyra said a bit saddened.

“Awww.” Vinyl said replicating the emotion. “When are they coming back?”

“In a week or so.” Lyra said even more sad.

“AAAAAWWWW.... Goddess damn it!” Vinyl said kicking the dirt.

“So.... What should we do?” Lyra asked.

“Wanna go watch a movie?” Vinyl asked jerking a thumb over her shoulder.

“Yeah, that would be nice.” Lyra said smiling a little.

“...Wanna cuddle?” Vinyl asked asked blushing slightly.

“Goddess yes.” Lyra said, taking Vinyls hand.

“We don’t tell either of them about this understand?” Vinyl said seriously.

“I know, I know!” Lyra said with a slightly annoyed expression.

“Okay then. Let’s go.” Vinyl said smiling as she began to walk away with Lyra in tow.

“Eh, I am sure they are fine.” Jed said shrugging.

“Presumably yes.” Mark said.

“So what is going to be the first ‘test’ of ours?” Jed asked Celestia as he saw her stand up.

“Well. I guess the spell tests could be down first.” Celestia said tapping her chin and walking over to them. “Other than that there is always the blood tests we need to do.”

“So pretty much needles or lay on a table while a unicorn performs some spell test thingies?” Jed asked nervously.

“In a nutshell yes.” Celestia said with a smile. “Might as well get the worst out of the way first wouldn’t you say?”

“Fuck naw, I hate needles.” Mark said looking at Celestia. “I hate them with a burning passion.... Or fear in my case.”

“Well then to the medical wing shall we?” Celestia said as she walked ahead and blazed the trail to the medical wing.

“Hurray! No needles today!... Augh stupid Zecora making me rhyme every time, d’oh!” Jed said frustrated.

“Trail blazer...” Mark muttered out.

“Better than us walking into walls trying to figure out where we are going.” Jed said shrugging.
“Eh true.” Mark said. They walked down the hallways to the medical wing to get the tests over with so they could find their way home to the arms of their girlfriends and, in Mark’s case at least, their mother as well. Little did they know these tests were going to be a bit, you could say...

Revealing?

Right at that moment, Mark put on his sunglasses.

“Oh dear god no.” Jed said putting his face in his hands.

“YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAH!” Mark shouted out.

“Whyyyyy did you do that?” Jed complained as they continued to walk down the hallway with Celestia glancing at them with a confused expression.

Author's Notes:

Fun fact for all you league fans: My friend The Alpha, actually got a PentaKill. You can view it here. :3

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sSk4MkeLy_w

Also Luna is not going to develop a crush on any of the humans. She will most likely become friends with them and from there it will evolve into bro, or in Luna's case sis, hood with the humans.
Cause Luna is best pony.

Chapter 7: Rated SADOFMAJ for Somewhat Average Day Of Mark And Jed

After several rather uncomfortable tests done by several doctors and nurses, that took about an hour each mind you, the two human walked out feeling very awkward.

“Did we really have to take our clothes off?” Jed asked as he pulled his shirt back over himself. Celestia sighed and nodded again for the tenth time.

“If you didn’t, it would have caused some disruptions in the spells. And come on it wasn’t that bad.” Celestia said with a smile.

“You weren’t on a table naked with everyone staring at you.” Jed grumbled as he walked out into the hallway and stretched a bit. Mark just shuddered and put on his fingerless gloves.

“This felt so damn bad.”

“Tell me about it.” Jed said sighing and looking at Celestia. “What now?”

“Well... We actually finished early. So if you want we can get those blood tests out of the way.” Celestia suggested.

“.... NO.” Mark said looking at Celestia. “They use huge ass fucking needles for those, and they hurt and all that mumbo jumbo.... Also, I might be drunk. I have no idea.”

“You would do it if Twilight was here.” Jed snickered out.

“No-..... Actually yes, mom is very nice.” Mark said nodding.

“So if Twilight was here, you would go with the blood tests?” Celestia asked curiously.

“Yeah....” Mark said quietly puffing his cheeks.

“Seems like I have a letter to write then. Tah tah for now!” Celestia said turning and walking down a hallway. Jed just blinked before shrugging.

“What you wanna do?” Jed asked walking up to Mark.

“Daaaah.... Uh...... Eehhh..” Mark said putting a hand on his chin.

“We got options. Garden, videogames, pranks with Discord...” Jed suggested.

“Lets terrorize the population?” Mark said looking a bit stupid

“You want to cause a incident?” Jed deadpanned. “That will most likely end up with us in jail.”

“Say it was a accident.” Mark said shrugging

“Say Celestia found out different.” Jed said.

“So, no pranks? That's terrorizing the population?” Mark asked

“Oh... Well pranks are fine then. As long as you don’t go overboard. Again.” Jed said.

“FIRECRACKERS AHOY!”

“Noooo.” Jed said glaring at Mark. “I don’t want a repeat of last time.”

“Flaming toilet rolls it is then.” Mark muttered.

“Mark nothing involving fire.” Jed said rubbing his temples with his right hand.

“Liquid hydrogen then?” Mark asked.

“No fre-.. Just no chemicals that will combust or possibly maim someone.” Jed said.

“Chloroform it is then.” Mark said again.

“No kidnapping ponies and hanging them from flag poles.” Jed said.

“Eh..... Fuck this lets just go play a game.” Mark said walking off.

“... Okay then.” Jed said shrugging and following. “Video games ahoy!”

“No stealing my lines unless I get to prank people my way.” Mark said.

“Your way usually involved arsen.” Jed deadpanned.

“Yep.” Mark said.

“That’s not pranking. That’s simply destruction of property.” Jed deadpanned again.

“Yep.” Mark said again. “Then again..... You rammed my car into a house once.”

“Yes.” Jed said.

“Never again.” Mark said. “You aren’t driving for a long time.”

“Told you cool-aid, redbull, and vodka don't mix well.” Jed said shrugging.

“And you don’t drink either, so why did you drink that Vodka in the first fucking place?” Mark asked.

“You never told me it was in my cup.” Jed said plainly.

“I poured vodka in your drink? You know how strongly of alcohol it smells?” Mark asked.

“I was playing Mass Effect! Leave me alone.” Jed said slumping a bit.

“Crashy.” Mark said as he still was walking.

“God, crash once and look where it gets me.” Jed said shaking his head. “Why would you even let me drive your car if I was drunk? You know I don’t drink strong stuff. Beer is fine, but I don’t like anything stronger. Tequila is an exception. Vinyl made me get an acquired taste for that.”

“You stole the keys.” Mark deadpanned.

“Oh... Wait what? You guard those things like a freaking baby.” Jed said.

“When you are drunk you steal shit, you had fucking five hundred bucks when I found you crashed.” Mark deadpanned again.

“Huh... I get drunk then I develop kleptomania.” Jed said scratching his chin.

“Yeah, and you also, are really stupid because you had written down a lot of crap on a paper, that was in your note.... Sketch.... Whatever it was again.”

“I remember that actually... Well I burned the paper afterwards but I remember a splitting headache and getting extremely embarrassed. So I am just going to leave it at that.” Jed said shaking his head again. “Let’s just go to the game room... Or entertainment room. Whatever it is.”

“Don’t complain to me that you do reckless things when you are drunk, at least I can handle my alcohol better.” Mark said walking towards the entertainment room.

“I told you when we first met I didn’t drink.” Jed said plainly as he followed.

“And now suddenly you do?” Mark asked. “Tequila really?”

“Hey! Vinyl gave it to me. I couldn’t say no to puppy dog eyes!” Jed complained.

“Riiiight.” Mark said walking into a room, where a guard was sitting and relaxing. Upon seeing Jed and Mark he immediately stood up and became like a stone statue.

“Are they always going to do that around us? It’s not like we are going to report them or anything.” Jed said annoyed.

“You aren’t?” The guard asked, looking at Jed.

“Why would I? I’m not royalty. Even if I was, I could careless.” Jed said shrugging. “And to be honest it kinda pisses me off.”

“Oh.... Um.... Okay?” The guard asked, a bit unsure of himself.

“Just relax. We’re not gonna do anything to you for chilling.” Jed said walking in and sitting on the couch.

The guard just exhaled and sat back down again. “Man, this job..... Its so boooring... But the pay is well.”

“Hey, no having to do anything and get payed a shit load. Not to mention you get to sneak peeks at royalty's flanks. Pretty sweet deal if you ask me.” Jed said shrugging.

The guard just stifled a laugh. “Yeah... True, but still.... I’m exhausted from a patrol....”

“Then chill. Come on Mark! Let’s show this guy how humans relax.” Jed said smiling as he picked up a remote.

“Get me alcohol then.” Mark muttered.

“Not that relaxed.” Jed said rolling his eyes.

“Buzz kill.” Mark said, causing the guard to laugh a bit.

“Alcoholic.” Jed said shrugging.

“Crashy.” Mark said picking up a remote and sitting down.

“Newb.” Jed sniffed.

“Can’t drink for shit.” Mark said pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Eh. Don’t really care.” Jed said shrugging as he turned on the X-Buck. “Can have fun and remember it without getting shit faced.”

“Scaredy pants.” Mark said grinning “Leading by two reasons right now.”

“Hey that one doesn’t count. I have a dangerous job.” Jed said leaning back.

“Drawing girls naked, don’t really count as getting laid.”

“Never said it did.” Jed said looking at Mark.

“Then what is this?” Mark said as he picked up his phone, and showed him a text, that was from him. “look there.”

“No. Let’s just play.” Jed said shaking his head.

“I win, you suck.” Mark said snickering.

“Minty lips.” Jed said.

“Damn they tasted good.” Mark said with a huge grin.

“And the double meaning is shown!” Jed said snickering. The guard just looked between the two, somewhat crazed humans, and blinked before laughing a little bit. “What is with you guards and never laughing? Not chuckling, like true laughing.”

“Uh, we just can’t do that during work.... Would make one look like a unprofessional.... That and it’s our job to be concentrated, except that guard that got taunted by a rainbow maned pegasus....” The guard explained.

“Oh... That bitch hates me for some reason.” Jed said hanging his head. “I don’t even know what I did!”

“Eh, she got randomly kissed by a guard. Should have seen the look on her face after that.... Thats what you get for being up in a guards face.” The guard said.

“You have no idea how much I would have payed to see that face.” Jed said chuckling. “So you guys never get to let loose? Just relax like you are now?”

“Uh yeah we do, just like during the night, when the night guard got the place.

“Well that sucks. I am sure if you asked Shining would give you some time off.” Jed said shrugging before he nudged the guard’s ribs with his elbow. “What’s your name anyway mister guard?”

“The name is Talon.....” Talon said. “Sharp Talon.... Just call me Talon though.”

“Alright well nice to meet you Talon.” Jed said smiling and holding out his hand. “Name’s Jed.”

“Plesure to meet cha.” Talon said shaking his hand, he then looked at Mark for a few seconds.

“You are Mark right?” Talon asked. Mark just looked confused at Talon.

“How do you know that?” Mark asked.

“Heard that you are getting adopted by Princess Twilight.” Talon said. Mark just blinked and looked around.

“Really?” Mark asked.

“Celestia did say that she was getting those papers.” Jed said shrugging.

“Huh.... Guess I’m going to be Royalty all of a sudden.

“And you are going to get a mom that is going to nag you worse than me.” Jed said snickering.

“Worth it....” Mark said, before looking at Talon. “Nice to meet cha.” Talon just nodded his head at Mark, with a small smile.

“Looks like we just made a friend.” Jed said smiling as the game in the console loaded up finally. “Finally, christ. Take longer why don’t ya?”

“That reminds me.... Who is this Christ guy?” Talon asked. “I heard you say his names ever so often.... But I don’t know who he is.”

“Eeeeeeh... Religious figure. Lots of stuff behind it. Pretty much think of him as some ponies think of Celestia.” Jed said waving his hand in the air.

“Oh....” Talon said and held up his right arm, which had a somewhat big blade attached to it. “Oh right.... I better watch where I wave this arm.”

“Please do. I’d rather not get my head cleaved in two.” Jed said nervously.

“Ha.... League references....” Mark said laughing. “Wait, hey Talon may I see your blade?”

“What? Mr.Stabby? Uh sure?” Talon said. In one swift motion he swung his right arm out in order to take the gauntlet off, but as he was doing it they both heard a loud ‘CLANG’.

“..... Ow.” Jed hissed. “Fuck, my nose....” Talon and Mark leaned over and saw a small indent in the edge of the blade as Jed was rubbing the bridge of his nose and hissing through his teeth.

“That hurt worse than the fucking corner of a opening door.” He said as his eyes were closed trying to not let tears of pain escape. Mark just started to laugh like hell, whilst Talon, let out a small laugh. “What is so funny about me getting hit in the face with a sword dagger thing?”

“Mr.Stabby isn’t a Sword dagger thing, its a arm blade also, your face is like really red, and you are crying.” Talon said.

“I just got hit in the nose by a arm blade. Don’t bitch at me.” Jed said as he shook his head a bit to clear the small headache he got. “Wait a minute... Is that thing sharp?”

“Extremely... Stabby can cut through steel.” Talon said.

“Then why isn’t my face in half!?” Jed shouted blinking a bit.

“Because you got hit with the flat side, not the sharpside.... But if you want I can just go ahead an-” Talon began.

“Oh just shut up...” Jed said shaking his head.

“Alright....” Talon said, laughing again, along with Mark who was rolling around on the floor dying from laughter. Jed just sighed.

“I hope you pop a blood vessel.” Jed said as he started up the game and leaned back in his seat.

“How mean....” Talon said shaking his head with a small smile, after a short while Mark came back to the land of the living.

“Well... That was fun.” Mark said chuckling.

“Yea I guess.” Jed said chuckling a bit. “Please don’t do that again though. That hurt pretty fucking bad.”

That was when Luna decided to scare the shit out of everyone in the room by bursting through the doors. “TALON! SO THIS IS WHERE YOU HAVE BEEN HIDING!” She bellowed a bit angrily.

Talon just sighed deeply. “Yes, you found me Princess Luna.”

“So you thought you could hide from me huh?” Luna said walking in and staring at Talon before she gently reached out and tapped his nose. “Boop! You’re it!” And ran out of the room.

“It took her about thirty minutes to find me.... Not really sure why she wants to play hide and seek with one of the best trackers in the castle.” Talon said tiredly.

“Thrill of the chase?” Jed asked shrugging.

“Probably..... Well, off I go... I swear, if she develops a crush on me... I don’t know what I would do.” Talon groaned as he got up, and seemingly disappeared.

“... I feel as if I should... Not care at all.” Jed said turning back to his game. Mark just sat there trying to control himself. “Go ahead Mark. Just let it out.”

“PPFFFTT HA!” Mark began before collapsing again and laughing.

Mark and Jed were simply sitting there playing their game of Haylo 4 when there was a small knock at the door.

“You who~!” Celestia’s voice pierced the sounds of battle coming from the T.V.

“No! NOOO! ANYTHING BUT HER!” Mark said seeking immediate shelter under the couch.

“Wha?” Jed said looking downwards to see Mark’s shoes poking out. “What got you so worked up?”

“Roger usually said ‘You who’..... And I hate blood tests!” Mark said from under the couch.

“Huh... Come in Celestia.” Jed said as the door opened to reveal Celestia standing there smiling.

“Have you seen Mark?” Celestia asked smiling warmly as she looked at the shoes sticking out of the couch. “I have something I need to show him.”

“Eh... I dunno. He usually moves too fast for me to care.” Jed said going back to his game.

“Oh. I guess I can’t tell him that Twilight is here.” Celestia said shrugging and heading back out the door. “Tell him if you see him alright?”

“Yap.” Jed said not paying any attention. Before he knew it Mark had left the room, and catched up to Celestia.

“Jed said you wanted something?” Mark asked innocently.

“Oh yes. Follow me.” She said with her usual warm smile as she walked down the halls.

“Okay dokay!” Mark said following Celestia happily. After a few minutes of walking they arrived at a familiar spot.

“Here we are! The medical wing.” She said simply.

“The fu-..... Why you do dis?” Mark said as he was gonna run away.

“You aren’t getting a shot from me, Mark.” Celestia said as she put a hand on his shoulder. “In fact none of the medical personnel are going to give you a shot, okay?”

“Do I dare ask who would give it to me?” Mark said, reluctantly. Celestia simply smiled her same smile before going to the door and opening it revealing a certain lavender Alicorn.

“Hello Mark!” Twilight said waving and smiling.

“Mom?” Mark asked confused. “What are you doing here?”

“Well Celestia said that you were being a bit... Finkey with needles. So I came here to help you get through this faster.” She said warmly. “It was either me come here or they strap you to a table in your sleep.”

Mark just remained quiet, before saying. “That sounds so damn wrong.”

“Believe me, I know. Now come on Mark. This won’t take long at all.” Twilight said smiling again. Mark just sighed and reluctantly walked over to Twilight. “Come on don’t be so mopey.... Want Ice cream afterwards?”

“One does not simply resist the temptation of Ice cream.” Mark said a little more happy.

“There you go.” Twilight said happily before she looked to a door a beckoned a nurse in. The nurse came in with a small tray, a tube and a needle along with some antiseptic and a small numbing gel. “Now hold still and the nurse will be over quick.”

Mark just closed his eyes and looked away, breathing a bit unsteadily. Twilight simply hugged Mark and gently held one of his hands as the Nurse rolled up his sleeve and applied the necessary items in their corresponding order. Mark felt a very small prick as the nurse gently withdrew a small vile of blood and took out the needle before putting a bandaid over it.

“See? All done.” Twilight said patting Mark’s back. Mark just exhaled, before looking at the bandaid.

“Hey look it got hearts on it.” Mark said inspecting the bandaid. “My arm feels a bit numb.”

“Well she didn’t want you freaking out any so she numbed it a bit.” Twilight said plainly. “Now lets go get you that ice cream.”

“Yay!” Mark said happily standing up, and following Twilight.

Twilight entered the Entertainment room with Mark in tow. They walked in and sat down on the couch as Jed was sprawled out across half the couch watching some random show on the T.V.

“Hey Twilight. Sup Mark. How’d it go?” Jed asked looking to Mark.

“I have a horrible feel that they are going to suspect that I’m drunk all the time.... My blood alcohol level is like fucked.” Mark said.

“Hence why we aren’t letting you drink for a while.” Jed said as he pulled his legs out so they could sit more comfortably. “You have ice cream on your face by the way.”

“Mom could you pass me a tissue?” Mark asked. Twilight rolled her eyes as a tissue floated over to Mark covered in a magenta aura. Mark just took it from the air and wiped his face.

“Thank you!” Mark said happily.

“You are in a better mood than earlier.” Jed said looking at Mark. “What’s up? I thought you’d be freaking out over the needles.”

“Mom’s here! I’m happy now.” Mark said giving Twilight a hug.

“No wonder Celestia is giving me those adoption papers.” Twilight said smiling as she hugged Mark back.

“Oh yeah, hey Jed, do you remember the time when my team won the qualification tournament and won around a hundred grand?” Mark asked.

“Be more specific.” Jed said plainly.

“The time the crowd roared and we played up Levels by Avicii on stage.” Mark said.

“Again... More specific.” Jed said.

“Right after the teamfight with the other team... Can’t really remember the name..”

“Was it the one where I got hurled out a window by that bouncer?” Jed asked lifting his head.

“No..... It was before the one million dollar tournament.” Mark said.

“The one with the strange guy that kept mumbling to himself and screeched like a banshee when he lost?” Jed asked.

“Probably.... I remember the after party.” Mark said happily.

“Oh yeah... The one right before we got sent here.” Jed said suddenly crestfallen and laying his head back on the couch arm. “I miss my dad. And my mom. And my brothers.”

“I thought you were homeless.” Mark said.

“Yeah, my family lived in Texas when I left. I was in New York to get a art deal, but noooooo. That asshole had to get someone else.” Jed said a little pissed.

“Shit breh, didn’t know.... Least you had Team Clueless as your family.” Mark said patting Jed on the shoulder.

“Eh it’s fine. I gave them my goodbyes before I left anyway.” Jed said sitting upright.

“Which reminds me, during the after party... Do you remember Yonas as he went literally berserk? And started raving like fuck?” Mark asked.

“Yeah. He smashed a chair over my head by accident.” Jed said. “I swear, I would just get a tattoo of a crash test symbol on my shoulders.”

“Still remember when it switched song.... The whole dance floor started bouncing... And everyone was enjoying themselves.” Mark said with a smile. “Too bad I won’t be enjoying the one where we win a million dollars.”

“Hey. You’re gonna be a freaking prince. Don’t be bitchin.” Jed said chuckling a bit.

“Still, would be nice to see my friends one last time.... And probably play with them too.” Mark said.

“Heh. Least you had friends. Try being a bisexual in the middle of southern Texas.” Jed said laughing.

“That how it goes.” Mark said laughing too.

“God... I still miss them.” Jed said burying his face in his hands.

“No kidding... I miss Chiro’s constants screams of ‘I’M GONNA DIHEE!! DIIIIEEH! AAH!’...” Mark said sighing.

“I have to say. Although that house was filled with morons and idiots, no offense.” Jed said. “They were a nice bunch.”

“Yeah.... Hopefully they will stay together too... No telling what will happen when I’m not there.” Mark said.

“Maybe Chiro will become team captain.” Jed said shrugging.

“That guy? He barely has any coordination without me, I mean he fills the jungle role perfectly because of his excellent play as GP but... Without me to direct him... He’s pretty fucking clueless.” Mark said.

“Hey. Don’t worry about it. They will get along.” Jed said smiling somewhat.

“Then again.... Yonas might be able to fill it up.... If he didn’t forget to communicate sometimes.”

“Here’s a thought. What if Roger took over?” Jed said chuckling.

Mark just started coughing violently. “Of all the things... Do you have to scare me like that?”

“Well if I was going to break you out of your sour mood, I had to do something.” Jed said laughing and shrugging.

“.... Just her well formed body was one thing but she’s so mean sometimes.... Also a perfect AD Carry.” Mark said.

“What about her Ex? Rino was his name?” Jed said looking off.

“I feel bad for that guy.” Mark said.

“Did they get back together or... They just friends still?” Jed asked.

“Dunno... And probably never will.” Mark said looking at Jed before noticing that Talon was sitting in a chair next to the couch. “Aaaand when did he come here?”

“He has been doing that for the last twenty minutes.” Jed deadpanned. “Just popping in... Then out.”

“That guy is a freaking ninja.” Mark said.

“Don’t say that or he’ll-” Jed looked behind him to see he was gone. “Damn it... I hate it when he does that.” Jed sighed and leaned back in his seat before saying. “This is going to be a looooong week.”

It had been four days since the two humans arrived for their tests. All of which had been done rather quick. Typical check ups, a few blood tests, magic tests, spells used to study their anatomy and such. Today was the last day they were going to be at the castle and they were packing up and getting ready to go home. Also Twilight had a small surprise for Mark and Jed on the way home.

“Hey Mark! You good dude?” Jed shouted as he pulled his bag over his shoulder and zipped up his hoodie while he waked out of his room. “We gotta leave in like... A few hours!”

“Fuck.” Mark said as he came out of his room with his bags. “No, I’m not good at all, you see I’m still packing and all that crap.” He said as his words was dripping with sarcasm.

“Your sarcasm is quite necessary.” Jed said rolling his eyes. “Come on. Let’s go say our goodbyes so we can head out. And knowing us, it’s going to take a couple hours just to find them.”

“I hate saying goodbye, it feels weird.” Mark said, as he walked past Jed.

“Then don’t. Say ‘See you later’.” Jed said smiling as he followed Mark.

“Cya!” Mark said walking past Talon, whom just nodded at him.

“He’s such a nice guy.” Jed said chuckling.

“A bit quiet at times, but hes nice.” Mark said.

“Yeah... Oh god... I just remembered. Loidwick is going to give us his ‘Goodbye’ hugs.” Jed said cringing a bit and involuntarily clutching his ribs. “I don’t want broken ribs.”

“....Shit.” was all that Mark could say.

“Well at least he makes a damn good piece of meat huh?” Jed said nudging Mark with his elbow as they walked.

“Gon miss his cooking.” Mark said a bit sad.

“Yeah... Heh. Maybe we could visit?” Jed said snickering as they walked past a few guards and turned a corner. Soon they arrived at the Kitchen and with small sniff of the delicious scent that was creeping through the doors, they walked in were Loidwick was kneading some bread. “Hey Loid!”

“Heheh.... Sounded like you said Loins.” Mark said, with a small grin.

“Oh hush up.” Jed said tapping Mark’s side as Loidwick looked up and smiled.

“Hey! There are my two favorite Humans!” He said as he walked over and gave them both light and gentle hugs, as Celestia told him not to kill them with affection. “How are you two doing?”

“Good.” Mark replied simply. “A bit tired, but otherwise good.”

“Eh. Ditto.” Jed said shrugging. “Other than that we are leaving back to Ponyville today and just wanted to say goodbye.”

“Aw. Ah well, it was nice having you guys here! It’s not very often I get to actually cook some meat in this kitchen.” Loidwick said as he looked around before glancing at them. “Also you know what this mean don’t ya?”

Jed gulped a little and smiled sheepishly. “That goodbye hug Celestia warned us about?”

“Aye.” Loidwick said as he grabbed them both, and again, nearly crushed them with his overpowered muscle. Jed just gasped a little bit before tapping Loidwick’s arm and pointing to himself.

“Air...” He gasped out. Mark somehow managed to slip out of the grip.

“OOOOOH... GOD... Ahh... Fuck.” Mark said as he gasped for air. Loidwick let out a loud laugh before putting Jed on the ground and laughed again.

“Now you two know to come back and visit don’t ya? Lest I have to give you the ‘Goodbye forever’ hug.” Loidwick said with a wicked smile. Jed just held up a hand and nodded.

“Yeah... I got it.” Jed wheezed out.

“Yep.... I’ll come back sometime.” Mark coughed out.

“Good! Now I was saving these for when you left, so since you are leavin’ I guess I’ll go grab them!” Loidwick said as he walked over to the refrigerator and opened it up before pulling out two bags and hand one to both Mark and Jed. “It’s some of that ‘Beef Jerky’ you two told me about. Thought I would give it a try. Came out pretty good if I say so.”

“Well... Thanks Loid!” Jed said opening the bag to see a bunch of bits of jerky inside. He wrapped it up and put it in his bag before grabbing Loidwick’s talon and shaking it. “We’ll be seeing you around.”

“See ya!” Mark said before walking away. Jed followed him out and they walked out of the kitchen as Loidwick went back to work. After a few minutes of walking they found Celestia waiting for them by the carriage outside. They walked out and saw Luna leaning against the carriage playing on her PSvita again until she saw them and waved happily before going back to her game. They arrived before noticing one small detail.

“Hey where’s Twilight?” Jed asked looking around.

“Hmm... Seems fishy... Hehe... Fishy.” Mark said chuckling to himself.

“Oh she is just getting a few things.” Celestia said giggling. “You know her. She has to triple check everything before she even thinks about getting packed.”

“Yeah. I swear she is a little bit obsessive of having everything perfect.” Jed said snickering.

“Eh, can’t really complain now can we... She did give us a home.” Mark said.

“I wasn’t complaining!” Jed said in a mock mortified tone. “I was just saying she needs to take it easy sometimes.”

“Hey Luna wha’cha playin’?” Mark asked as he noticed that Luna was gaming away the day.

“Colt of Duty Black Ops two: Declassified...” Luna mumbled out as she was focused on her game.

“Even this universe has bad games....” Mark said facepalming.

“Hey Nazi Zombies is pretty fun!” Jed said. “Anyway... Where is Twil-”

“I am here! Sorry sorry! I got sidetracked!” Twilight shouted as she run up to the carriage and panted a bit as she stopped and stood up straight as she held the strap of her purple bag. “I forgot that we were leaving today...” She said with a sheepish smile. “Too used to staying here for a month at a time.”

“Ehehe.... Right.” Mark said shaking his head. “League is still better.”

“Honestly I am not going to argue.” Jed said laughing before walking over to the door of the carriage and pulling it open. “Anyway shall we go?”

“Yes lets. And I have good news for the ride home!” Twilight said happily as she walked over and got inside before sitting on the far end. Mark just got in and sat next to Twilight. Then Jed hopped in and waved at Celestia and Luna before closing the door letting the Pegasi in the front know it was okay to start moving.

A few minutes later, they were in the air as Twilight looked out the window a sighed before she looked at Mark and Jed and smiled before saying. “Okay you guys know how I said I had good news right?”

“Yeah you said you had some good news.” Mark said leaning back and sinking into his seat.

“Well I talked it over with Celestia, since most of the reason she wouldn’t let up about, and I got it official.” Twilight said as she pulled out a small envelope and handed it to Mark with a big smile. “You two are now officially part of the Sparkle family.”

Mark sat there for a few seconds before looking like he was thinking really hard. “My name then would be.... Mark A. Sparkle.... Hehe.... Sounds fancy.” he said with a huge smile.

Jed just snickered before giving a loud laugh. “Oh god... I just realized something fucking horrible about my name!” Jed said laughing and clutching his sides. “My name is Jed I. Sparkle. Now just take the initials.”

Mark just sat there before starting to snicker, then chuckle before breaking into a full laughter. “J.I.S!” Jed just burst into laughter as Twilight blushed a bit and joined in the laughter. The entire trip was simply them laughing and enjoying the new company of them all being family.

The trip was over pretty fast because you know. Time flies when you have fun. As they landed, Jed opened the door and hopped out and stretched before letting out a sigh. As they all piled out of the carriage, two certain mares came out of nowhere and tackled their respective Humans.

“Oh hai.” Mark said, before getting a deep and passionate kiss from Lyra.

“Wassup my little Goggles!” Jed said happily as he hugged the mare on top of him while Twilight sat there confused.

“Wait when did this happen?” Twilight asked scratching her head.

Mark just broke the kiss quickly before saying. “Oh snap... J.I.S, Mom is on to us.”

“Oh great, my name is J.I.S. now?” Jed said chuckling.

“Yes...” Mark said as he hugged Lyra.

“Ah... Welp, that’s fine by me. Anyway should we tell her or leave her in the dark?” Jed asked.

“Tell me what!?” Twilight said flustered and huffing a bit.

“Clam it mom!” Mark said. “Well thats up to you, but isn’t it obvious what's going on here?”

“Mark... It’s Twilight.” Jed deadpanned. “If she didn’t get it from them tackle hugging us, that kiss and all the nicknames, will she get it now?”

“Right here ya know...” Twilight said pouting a bit.

“.... I honestly don’t know what to say right now.” Mark said as he gently guided Lyra off him and got up, looking confused as fuck. Lyra just pouted a bit.

“Hmmm. This calls for my detective hat!... Wait I left that back on earth. Shit.” Jed said laying his head back in the dirt as Vinyl nuzzled him. “Eh just tell her. It’s not like she is going to ground us or anything.”

“You tell her!” Mark said stubbornly.

“Why do I have to do it?” Jed whined.

“Because you want to tell her... I’m not sure if want.” Mark said.

“Mark the only thing you ever are sure you want is Ice cream.” Jed deadpanned.

Mark just looked horrified for a few seconds. “Son of a bitch, forgot the Ice cream back in Canterlot.”

“Welp... To add onto the shit pile.” Jed began before he looked up at Twilight. “Twilight Vinyl and Lyra are our Marefriends and it happened around a couple weeks ago.” Twilight simply blinked and opened her mouth to say something, but stopped as she found nothing to say. “Uh oh... I think I broke her.”

“We are fucked.” Mark said, slowly backing away.

“Commence running?” Jed said standing up, much to Vinyl’s dismay.

“Dunno, she's a alicorn... Her speciality.... MAGIC.”

“Eh good point. Maybe if we had a head start?” Jed suggested as he saw Twilight’s expression contort a bit more, slowly changing to one of anger and frustration.

“... Maybe?” Mark said looking at Jed.

“Well there is one thing I know.” Jed said as he turned around and stretched for a second. “Cool guys don’t look at explosions. They RUN LIKE A BAT OUTTA HELL TO GET AWAY FROM THEM!”

With that being said, they both turned tail and ran like mad men to get away from the Twilight as her mane and tail burst into flames before her massive wings extended and took to the skies in order to catch the two humans. Vinyl and Lyra simply looked at one another before shrugging and following the chaos at a leisurely pace.

“Why do I have a feeling this is going to become a normality in our lives?” Vinyl asked Lyra as they walked down the cobblestone roads of Ponyville.

“Hey weirder things have happened to us.” Lyra said shrugging as Vinyl nodded in agreement.

“That is true.” Vinyl said snickering. “I mean we are dating Aliens for Celestia’s sake!”

The two mares laughed and reminisced as they followed the small Path of destruction that the flaming mare, known as Twilight, and two feeling humans left.

Author's Notes:

Sorry for all the Time skips, but I couldn't think of anything funny that could fill in the space of the days. :/