TWILIGHT LEARNS TO PRANK

“I don’t know girls, it just doesn’t sound like such a good idea,” said Twilight. She looked over at the two good friends that had cornered her in her library and now were grinning maniacally, obviously sure that they’d be able to convince her.

“Come on Twilight, you’ve always promised you’d go pranking with us one day, and this one’s right up your alley,” said Rainbow Dash.

Twilight looked down at the library floor. She had promised...

“But the Princess? I don’t think I can prank anypony, especially not her,” she said.

“Go big or go home, baby!” said Pinkie Pie. Her grin somehow grew even wider as she sensed that her prey was right on the verge of giving in.

“Technically, I’m already home,” muttered Twilight but the others were not dissuaded.

“This’ll only work on her. Come on, Spike says he doesn’t mind sending the letters. The Princess is totally cool, she’ll get a kick out of it,” said Rainbow Dash. The baby dragon in the center in the room nodded his confirmation.

The Princess had suggested, gently, that she lighten up a little bit in their last correspondence. Twilight knew when she was beaten.

“Fine, I’m in,” she said as her two friends hoof-bumped one another at their victory. “Explain again how this works.”

“Ooh, it’s gonna be great! You write a letter, and you ask her if her refrigerator is running. Then she goes to check and she’ll write back that it is running. Then you write her another letter that says... *snerk*” said Pinkie as she fell over in a fit of laughter about what she had been about to say.

Rainbow Dash picked up the explanation from the point where Pinkie had stopped. “You tell her that she better go catch it!” she said before Pinkie’s laughter spread to her and she was unable to speak.

Twilight puzzled over their words for a few minutes before she caught on. “Oh, I see. The word ‘running’ has multiple possible meanings, and when they pick the most logical one based on the context it appears in and check, you subvert that expectation and in your second letter imply that you meant the more nonsensical one and forced them to waste their time.”

Pinkie and Rainbow Dash had stopped laughing. “Uh, yeah. But it’s funnier when you don’t explain it,” said Rainbow.

Twilight brightened up. “Are you kidding? That sounds hysterical,” she said. "Spike, take a letter please." Spike eagerly pulled out a quill and some parchment. “Dear Princess Celestia,” she began. She wanted to come up with a plausible reason to ask the question. “I have recently been experimenting with a new spell, and due to a small magical accident I have been experiencing unusual side effects. Nothing dangerous or that I can’t handle on my own, but to calibrate the spell matrix I need some additional data. This may sound like an odd request, but can you check to see if your refrigerator is running? Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle,” she concluded. “How was that?”

“Perfect,” said Pinkie as she bounced up and down in place with excitement. “Send it send it send it!”

Twilight nodded to Spike and in a burst of green fire the letter was away. Twilight had to giggle a little bit at the idea of the Princess getting up to go check the small refrigerator she kept in her bedroom for late night snacking, a closely guarded royal secret. Maybe there was something to this pranking after all.

A few minutes of eager anticipation during which the girls had burst into giggle fits several times, Spike received a reply. Twilight opened the rolled up parchment against the table. As she read what was written there her glee turned to confusion, then horror.

My faithful student,

I am writing to you with dire tidings. It is good that you sent me this letter when you do, for we haven’t a moment to waste. My refridgerator, in fact, has ceased to function. While this would not usually be an urgent matter, unusual circumstances put the entire kingdom of Equestria in jeopardy. I was storing an unusual compound within that refridgerator. Its special wards are the only thing that can contain it fully, much like the special ward built into the refrigerator you store volatile chemical compounds in. Without the containment, the compound will begin to react violently and explode, taking much of Canterlot with it.

We have mere minutes, and only one chance. Your refrigerator is the only one which I am absolutely sure will be able to avert disaster. I need you to send me the coordinates in four dimensional space of it’s interior and I will teleport it there directly, saving Equestria. Also, it is absolutely vital that you ensure that it is functioning optimally. Quickly!

-C

The fact that the Princess had skipped writing out her title and name only drove home the urgency to Twilight. “Oh, this is bad, this is very bad. Rainbow, Pinkie, come down to the basement with me and help me take measurements. We don’t have a moment to lose,” she said. Not even waiting to bother with the stairs she teleported directly into her laboratory and collected the equipment she would need. She couldn’t figure out why her thaumameter wouldn’t work all of a sudden until she’d realized she’d switched two wires. She was cursing her incompetence for the delay it was causing as the others came down the stairs.

“Rainbow Dash, take this measuring tape and find be the distance between that refrigerator and the floor, ceiling and each of the wall,” she said as she hovered the measuring tape over to Rainbow Dash and indicated the big grey box against one wall where Twilight kept all the most dangerous experiments she did. The ones that had to remain at extremely low temperatures at all times. Rainbow saluted and flew over to it, unrolling the tape around the room and calling out numbers to Twilight as her mind raced to convert them into coordinates and fix her equipment at the same time.

“Pinkie, squeeze back behind the refrigerator. There’s a light back there and I need you to tell me what color it is,” said Twilight. Pinkie nodded and tried to jam herself behind the refrigerator. “What color, Pinkie?” asked Twilight.

“Geez Twilight, when did you last dust back here?” she asked.

“PINKIE FOR THE LOVE OF EQUESTRIA WHAT COLOR IS THE LIGHT?”

“Green! It’s green,” said Pinkie.

Twilight felt hope surge within her as she read the measurements off the tool she was holding. They just might pull this off after all. “Spike, send the following to the Princess. ‘Four eight seven point five, three one nine point nine, theta dash omega, seven seven one point two. Refrigerator is running at optimal levels’ and send it now!”

Spike scribbled down the figures and with a breath the letter evaporated into sparks. Now there was nothing to do but wait. As the seconds ticked by Twilight’s mind raced. Were they too late? Would she feel the explosion down here if it happened? A full minute went by with no teleportation effect. Were they too late? Was the Princess...

Spike coughed and a new letter popped into existence. Twilight snatched it in her magic and yanked it open.

Then you better go catch it.

Nice try, say hi to Pinkie and Rainbow Dash for me.

Lots Of Love, Princess Celestia

Twilight could only stare. Her eye twitched.

“Whoa,” said Pinkie who was reading over Twilight’s shoulder, “she’s good.”

Author's Notes:

Time Taken: 55:01
Song Looped: Mathematics - Little Boots