Throwing the mare over your shoulder, you head out the front door. Ponies watch in confusion as you carry the pink menace by a strand of rope, heading straight for her home.

“Pinkie, why do you need me to be the one to rut you? You’re an attractive mare, you could easily find a stallion to get down and dirty with you,” you ask, ignoring the murmur around the market square.

“I don’t want to get pregnant,” she grunts, trying any way possible to remove herself from the accursed trap she’s tangled in. “If you fire your party cannon in me, the most I’ll have to worry about is a sticky mess.”

Shaking your head, you continue towards the gigantic gingerbread house. A faint whisper pecks at your eardrums, trying to catch your attention. Whatever your staff has to say will have to wait; you didn’t want the Cakes thinking you finally lost your marbles. The small bell overhead rings as open the door and enter the building. Mr. Cake comes from back room and smiles as you approach the counter.

“Hey there, Anonymous. What brings you here?” he says in a chipper tone.

“I got a package for you,” you joke, pointing over your shoulder. Mr. Cake peeks over your shoulder with a concerned stare. He looks back at you, eyebrow raised.

“I think we have enough flour to be honest, Anon,” he says, pointing at the kitchen door.

Flour?

Bringing the rope up over your shoulder, you feel your heart sink. Sure enough, there’s nothing but a bag of flour tied up in the bundle of rope.

“How did she—” Before you can even finish, you turn to Mr. Cake with a look of terror stretched across your face. Sweat begins to sheen on his forehead as he scans your face.

“What’s wrong?” he mutters. Looking around the shop, you don’t notice anything out of the ordinary. She must have gotten away while you were still outside. Entering your focus state, you listen to the now screaming staff as your ears practically explode.

“It’s about time!” it exclaims, a bit of worry in its tone. “Pinkie was getting away when I first called you! She’s probably long gone by now.” Unsheathing your staff, you bolt out of the store, leaving a very confused Mr. Cake behind. Up and down the streets you look, trying to find any sign of Pinkie. A pink blur makes its way into the alleyway by Minuette’s dentistry building, knocking over a few cans along the way.

“That has to be Pinkie,” you mutter to yourself, readying your staff. As you enter the dark corridor, you hold you breath. Not a single sound emits from the area, nor is there any movement that catches your eyes. Slowly, you venture deeper into the alley, ready to strike at any moment. If Pinkie is going to take the aggressive approach, you’re going to take the ‘beat this bitch down’ approach. You’d be damned if you were going to let Pinkie Pie have her way with you.

The rustle of a nearby trashcan spooks you, making you spin on a dime and strike the metal canister. A very agitated pink cat flies out of the container and sprints off towards the main street with a high-pitched shriek. Letting out a content sigh, you lower your weapon and look down the alley once more to find nothing. It’s then that the question pops into your head.

Why is that cat colored pink? Being in a land of pastel colored horses was one thing, but not once did you find any other animal with a strange color like that. In a flash, something flies over your shoulder and into the street: a lasso.

“Darn it! Applejack makes it look so easy,” says an all familiar voice. Turning around, you meet eye to eye with none other than the pink demon. Her smile is so sinister, so insane, it would make the Joker cringe in fear. Getting into position, you lift your staff once again and ready yourself.

“Pinkie, I don’t want to do it, but I’ll hurt you if I have to!” you caution, motioning the weapon in her direction. Pinkie’s smile doesn’t fade as she slowly advances towards you. Taking a step back, you extend the gap between the both of you. Step after step, you slowly make your way toward the main street. If you could just make it there, you wouldn’t have to worry. Not even Pinkie Pie would be willing to try something stupid on a busy street.

In one swift motion, Pinkie grabs the rope at her hooves with her teeth, jumping up the walls by kicking off them with her hooves. She throws herself over a metal bar, falling back down to earth as you stare in awe at the spectacle. The lasso at the end snares around your ankle, throwing you off balance and dropping your staff as you whizz up into the air. Hanging by the scruff of your foot, you watch as Pinkie ties the rope to a trash can filled with rocks. It’s quite a show, really, watching a pony tie a knot with their mouth. Your hair brushes against the dirt floor as the mare advances towards you.

“You won’t get away from me this time,” she whispers, running a hoof across your chest. Swinging your fist forward, you try to deck her in hopes of driving her away. Pinkie leans back, evading the attack with ease, still wearing her maniacal smile. “Now, why don’t you be a good boy and do what momma sa—”

Before she can finish her statement, something large smacks her upside her head. A big, ominous creature walks towards you, its eyes glowing in the dark. It bares its massive set of razor sharp teeth, a sliver of saliva running down its chin. With a quick snap, it tears the rope around your ankle, dropping your down on your head. After a moment of head rubbing and staring at the creature, you finally figure out who it is.

“You couldn’t have come at a better time, Lucy,” you groan as she extends a paw to help you up. Pinkie lies on the floor, her tongue lopsided and eyes closed. Kneeling down, you poke her in the side with your finger a few times.

“But prom is tomorrow,” she mumbles, smacking her lips. Turning back to the diamond dog, you extend your hand out for a handshake. She winces before realizing what you’re actually doing. With a shaky paw, she grabs your hand and accepts your thanks.

“Where’s Rarity?” you ask, looking around the alley for the mare in question. Lucy shrugs and picks up Pinkie.

“Miss Rarity is working hard and asked me to get more sequins from the market. She feels that I am trustworthy enough to let me off my leash, if you will. I caught your scent while passing by.” She turns her head to Pinkie and resists the urge to snarl. “I noticed this one’s scent as well, which means if she’s in heat, Miss Rarity will be soon. They ‘assist’ each other when it reaches that time. It would be best if I took her with me already.” You shudder at the thought of the two doing... ‘things’ with one another.

“Huh. Well, thanks for your help. I guess I owe you one.” Lucy raises one of her huge paws and shakes her head.

“I should be the one to thank you. If you had not stopped me from my old ways a few months ago, I’d still be in that horrible place I called a home. Every day I was ridiculed for being a bad diamond dog. Miss Rarity has done so much for me since she’s taken me in. I can speak clearly now, I get all the jewels I could ever need, and I get to dress up without being mocked.”

It was true. When you first ran into her, her words were really slurred and choppy. Normally, you’d just say it’s Stockholm Syndrome, but it seems that’s she’s really happy with her current lifestyle, what with the tears swelling up in her eyes. Picking up your staff from the ground, you sheath it and pat her on the shoulder.

“It’s nothing to get worked up over,” you say, giving her the most forced smile you could muster. You actually felt pretty bad. The only reason you brought her in for her crimes was because she had a bounty on her head and you needed the money. Had you not needed the money, you would have looked the other way without as much a care in the world. Since you’ve taken this occupation, you’ve been growing soft, breaking from your previous stature about not caring for anyone else but yourself. But, in some cases, it feels like it’s the best thing to happen to you.

Taking another look at the mare on her shoulder, you begin to feel uneasy.

“You sure she’s okay?” you ask. “You knocked her pretty hard.” Lucy takes another look at Pinkie before nodding.

“She’ll be fine. I think it’s safe to say that she’s been through worse, especially being around you in your line of work,” she comments, giving you a sly stare. “I will take her to Miss Rarity after I get my items.” Without another word, Lucy exits the alley and heads off towards the market square.

Wiping the dust from your pants, you follow her lead and make your way out of the dark corridor. Seems as though the ponies neither noticed nor cared about the matter that occurred in there. If Pinkie had gotten her way...

A cold chill runs down your spine just thinking about it. Shaking it from your mind, you take a moment to think about what you’re going to do next. Reaching into your pocket, you search for the return slip that Twilight gave you after bringing the book back to her. After a few seconds and a facepalm later, you realize you forgot to get one since a certain pony and a whole mess of duct tape ruined your time at the library. With a disgruntled sigh escaping your lips, you begin your walk towards the big treebrary.

As you approach the front door of the building, you feel something strange, almost as if the air around it has thickened. Your breathing grows heavy as a whisper courses your ears. Unsheathing your staff, you bring the end close to your ear and enter your focus state.

“S-something powerful is in there,” it spurs, fear evident in its voice. “It seems passive, but we must be ready for anything.” Grabbing the door handle with a nervous grip, you slowly open the door, ready to strike at any given moment.

“Are you sure? He doesn’t really seem all that qualified,” you hear Twilight mutter. Leaning against the corner of the entrance, you listen in on the conversation.

“He doesn’t seem like much, but he has experience finding somepony when he needs to,” says a tender female voice. It seems docile, yet powerful at the same time. Whoever, or whatever, this is, is obviously not one to mess with. “Besides, I would rather ask him myself since he is right around the corner.”

Your heart drops as your grip tightens around the staff. How the hell did she know you were there? Stepping out from behind the small entrance, you stare into a pair of big, pale magenta eyes on a large, white pony. She stand roughly your height, a strange, powerful aura emanating from her. If you weren’t mistaken, this is—

“Princess Celestia,” she says, extending a hoof.

“Anonymous,” you grunt, grabbing it with a burly grasp. With a quick shake, you turn to Twilight, who glares daggers at you. “I need my return receipt. I forgot to grab it when I left earlier.” She grabs you by the collar with her magical aura and drags you behind the wall where Celestia can’t see you.

“What do you think you’re doing?” she hisses, gritting her teeth. “Show some respect to the princess!” Smacking her horn, you cancel out the magic and adjust your collar as she winces.

“I shook her hoof! What, do you expect me to drop on my knees and beg for her eternal blessings or something?” you growl. Twilight rubs her hoof along her horn, as if trying to remove the pain. Her steady glare returns accompanied by an aggravated frown.

“The least you can do is kneel for her as a sign of respect!” she snaps, stomping a hoof down.

“Twilight, there’s no need for this bickering,” Celestia says from behind the wall.

Twilight’s eyes widen before muttering, “Y-yes, Princess.” Exiting the secluded area, you return to the princess and take a seat at one of the tables in the room.

“So, what brings you around these parts, Celestia?” Twilight shoots you another glare, causing you to roll your eyes. “I mean, Princess Celestia.” Celestia giggles before shaking her head and turning to you.

“I apologize for my pupil’s behavior, but she’s very respectful and expects everypony to follow in suit.” Leaning back in your chair, you stretch out your legs and put your arms under your head.

“Yeah, well, I feel people need to deserve respect before you can give it to them.” You lower your voice down to a whisper before leaning in towards the princess who has taken a seat across from you. “I mean no offense to you, of course, but I mainly do it to mess with her. She makes it too easy sometimes.” Celestia giggles as she leans in closer, lowering her voice down to a whisper.

“I know. I occasionally toy with her for fun as well. She’s rather easy to stir, if you will.” Taking your prior position, you let out a content sigh as Twilight looks between the two of you angrily.

“You must have a reason to be visiting Ponyville and talk about me. What do you need?” you abruptly ask, changing the subject. Celestia clears her throat before turning to Twilight.

“Twilight here has told me about the adventures you’ve had in your line of work in her letters. I must say, you are a stallion dedicated to his work.” She adjusts herself in her seat, puffing out her chest while putting a serious face on. “But, I digress. I wish to hire you for a small problem that needs sorting out.”

“And that would be?” you ask, crossing your leg.

“One of the professors in my university has gone missing. Now, she normally goes on expeditions for long periods of time, but something is amiss. She usually sends me a report or two explaining her current situation once a week. It’s been two weeks since I’ve heard anything from her and I fear the worst.”

“With all due respect, Princess, I’m a bounty hunter, not a detective. Besides, why would you need a no-name bounty hunter for when you lead a nation?” you ask with a furrowed brow. Celestia stares deep into your eyes, not once batting an eyelash.

“A bounty hunter is somepony who finds a pony with a price on their head, correct?” Giving a slight nod, you let her continue. “Well, I’m putting a price on her head. A thousand bits should suffice, not that money is a real issue. And the reason I’m asking you? As for why I'm asking you to do it... I think the bits I'm offering is more than enough for you to not worry about that.”

Sirens go off in your head. Trying to evade your question is one thing, but bits are bits and she has a point. You’re in it for the money, not the reason.

“Alright, I’ll take the job, but I need some informa—” Celestia slides you a heavy manilla envelope, cutting your sentence short.

“Everything you need is inside that envelope. If anything has happened to her, please tell me immediately. And thank you again for your assistance,” she comments before leaving her seat. She turns to Twilight, bearing a cheery smile. “I’ll see you again soon, Twilight.” With a flash of her horn, she disappears into thin air.

Opening the envelope, you pull out one of the documents and look it over.

“Archeologist... Working as a college professor for eight years...” Something catches your attention: her name. Over and over again, you look at the name, trying to figure out where you’ve heard it before. Twilight trots over to you, noticing your confused stare.

“What is it, Anon?” she asks. Standing up from your chair, you walk over to the shelves and look at the binding of each book, trying to find it. Pulling the book out, you show it to Twilight.

“Here’s our missing pony,” you say, pointing at the title.

Daring Do and the Quest for the Sapphire Stone.

Author's Notes:

I'm sorry for this excuse of a chapter. I've been hitting a wall when writing.