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Alicornundrum

by RealityCheck

Chapter 15

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Chapter 15

Despite everything, the running of a nation did not cease.  The day to day functions of the nation still needed overseeing. For the sake of expediency Celestia had taken over the duty of welcoming and quartering the delegates and petitioners as they arrived, while Luna and Twilight had been entrusted with the bureaucratic tasks of the day. So the duties of the Princesses were carried out and proceeded as they always had:

As grinding, repetitive, pointless drudgery. Interspersed, of course, with occasional heaps of pointless stupidity.

When Twilight had taken Nyx with her, the filly had undoubtedly livened up the day. This time around, Twilight was not spared any of the charms of the job at hand. There were at least twice as many petitioners as before for the Dawn Court and they were not happy at all (though for that point, was anybody who came to petition the Court ever going to be happy?), most of them nobility having a hissy about the sudden influx of foreign leaders into the capital. The castle staff were frantic. The guard were going ballistic. The mailroom was bursting at the seams. It seemed as if the arrival of the Council, and the arising of a situation that could mean decisions that altered the very fate of the world, had provoked every pony within a thousand miles to suddenly redouble the number of trivialities with which to bother the Triarchy. Apparently the middle of a national crisis was the absolute perfect time to bring up a squabble about property boundaries in someone's hobby farm or possession of contested family crests, or try to weasel some 'inconsequential' law through.

After about three hours of such tomfoolery, Twilight had had it. Looking over at Luna, she could see that she was at the end of her tether as well. Her eye was twitching violently. Twilight leaned over to her to say something, but Luna beat her to the punch. "Twilight," she said quietly. "I cannot... deal with this much more."

"That makes two of us," Twilight groaned, as another pile of letters and documents landed next to her.

"I suspect you know what I wish to do," the moon princess said through clenched teeth. "But I dare not..."

Twilight thought it over. "Luna? Okay, I'm probably about to make a horrible mess--"

"Compared to Night Eternal?" Luna said rhetorically.

"--but if I'm a real princess... today... just this once... can I swing the Big Hammer?" A manic gleam shone deep in her eye. "Just once."

Luna thought it over as somepony before them blathered on. "Swing away," she said finally. "You have all our authority, and my full permission. Damn the thunderheads, full speed ahead."

Twilight got to her hooves. "ATTENTION!" The Royal Voice rang off the ceiling. Courtiers, secretaries, guards, nobles, commoners, all of them froze in their tracks. The courtier currently talking stammered to silence.

"Now hear this; I have HAD IT!" She marched to the front of the dais. "Right now, right this very minute, our nation is undergoing a crisis which may very well affect the entire world. Neither Celestia, Luna, nor I-- nor anypony else in this kingdom-- has time for this nonsense!

"I don't know what you are all thinking. I don't know whether you thought that an inexperienced new Princess would be easy to buffalo, or that we would be distracted by the crisis at hand, or that we would be intimidated due to fear of "public opinion," which is just another word for what your friends in the press would print about us. Allow me to set you straight on that last one by the bye. I am Princess Twilight Sparkle of the Sparkle clan, lawful ruler of Equestria, full member of the Triarchy and your Princess. I don't care what the reporters say about me. I EAT REPORTERS AND CRAP EDITORS!

"So we're going to cut to the chase on all your decrees, requests, bills, and petitions. Are you wanting to raise or add a tax? FORGET IT! The average Equestrian pays too much taxes as it is. And that goes for any fees, fines, bills, tags, licenses or any other cute euphemisms you may have devised to call your "tax" and to pretend you're not trying to separate the Equestrian from his hard earned bits for your own benefit.

"Are you wanting money from the public coffers to make a memorial park, plaque, obelisk, edifice or statue, particularly to yourself? FORGET IT! If the people in your hometowns wish to sponsor such a thing, then allow them to do it, and raise the money themselves. You're not getting a plugged bit of taxpayer money for your pet project.

"Are you a politician wanting to rezone something? FORGET IT! The lines can stay where they darned well are. We're not here to facilitate your gerrymandering or property theft.

"Are you here to squabble about the granting or removal of some vaporous honorary family title? GET OUT OF HERE.

"In short, unless not hearing your petition or signing that paper means somepony ends up homeless, hospitalized, in prison or DEAD,  LEAVE NOW!!

"GUARDS! Fetch a trash can and bring it in here. A BIG one! I expect it to be full of wasted paper shortly."

A pair of unicorn guards galloped off and shortly returned with a barrel bin, which they set on the red carpet at the foot of the throne. As predicted, it quickly filled. A full two-thirds of the petitioners meekly dumped their papers in the can straight away. A full third of the remainder stayed the course only to see their carefully worded bills and screeds follow it. More barrels were fetched and the piles of paperwork were rapidly winnowed.  Soon the crowds were down to a bare minimum of subjects with genuine problems.

Even then, it was well past noon before the last of it was cleared away. Luna and Twilight held their poise till the throne room doors boomed shut, then they sagged in their thrones in relief. Twilight looked at Luna, dazed. She let out an over wrought giggle. "Is it bad that I enjoyed doing that?" she said weakly.

Luna cocked a brow.

Twilight's grin fell off her face. "You're right. I've set off a bomb, I just know it," she said. "All those courtiers and politicians and---"

"One thing I would say to thee, Princess Twilight, on how thou hast conducted thyself here..." Luna said.

Twilight cringed a bit. "Yes?"

Luna leaned against her. "I have so wanted to do that, so badly, ever since I got back," she moaned.

Twilight laughed awkwardly. "But... what of the repercussions--"

Luna waved a hoof. "The Powers That Be have descended upon us to chastise us, and our entire nation, for the debacle of Nightmare Moon," she said. "Any mayhem tis brought about by today, no matter how drastic, will be nothing next to it... and will be irrelevant when all is said and done. One way or the other," she added somewhat grimly.

Twilight sighed. "Even after kicking every crooked double dealer and self-serving time waster out the doors, we still had so many ponies." She waved her forehooves in desperation. "What is wrong with Equestria? Don't we have courts of law? Can't the ponies handle these things themselves?"

Luna got to her feet. Her eyes were downcast. "So long as they have a Princess, no." She started down the steps of the dais. Surprised and confused by her words, Twilight followed.

"What do you mean?" Twilight said.

Luna smiled as she walked to the Queen's exit. "Twilight, we have long striven to make Equestria a nation ruled by law, by justice, by harmony-- rather than ruled by kings and queens. But so long as there is a king or queen... or a princess... the law, in truth, means naught. For there will always be one person whom they can go to, who can subvert the law for their favor. As many here this very day intended." She frowned. "My sister and I, when we began, never wished to rule over ponies."

A puzzled Twilight fell in beside her as they passed through the door and into the hallway to the royal quarters. "But... you became Nightmare Moon because you wanted..."

"Because I wanted their love and respect," Luna reminded her. "Much as any mother wants the love and respect of her children. But no sane mother wishes to rule over her children's lives forever. It is not wise, nor healthy."

Twilight found herself with much to ponder. Every little filly wants to be a princess. Or that's what they think. What they really want is to be loved like a princess. They would never want the burdens of ruling, and only the sick and unhealthy would want the power over others. Just like Nyx found herself hating the throne when she finally gained it. Just like I...

Just like I never wanted to be a ruler, either.

It was a terrible realization, and a terrible time to have it. Too late, far too late, to change anything anyway. She shelved the thought immediately, closed it off and boxed it away. Equestria needed Princess Twilight Sparkle now. She couldn't ask for her old life back.

How much of it did she have left?

"We have little time," Luna said. "Celestia hosts a... I hesitate to call it a 'party'... a soiree for the gathered members of the Council, and the leaders of the kingdoms of the Western Sea, to try and soothe calmed nerves and reacquaint old faces. We must make haste to prepare, and join her there. It is vital to meet the Council face to face."

"So that they see us as real ponies, not just faceless figures behind their troubles," Twilight concluded for her.

Luna nodded. "Precisely. Come; my hoofmaids shall prepare us both." She spread her wings and went aloft; after a moment's hesitation Twilight followed. They landed on the balcony of Luna's tower. Luna strode in first. "Nocturne! Sonnet! Silkwing! Attend us!"

The inside of Luna's quarters was dimly lit, and decorated heavily with shades of indigo and purple and the glitter of points of diamond. Three thestral mares strode out of the shadows and set to grooming and preparing their Princesses.

They worked swiftly and in almost total silence, gentle hooves and wings swiftly grooming manes and coats back to pristine perfection, daubing on just a touch of makeup, polishing and re-applying the royal torcs, boots and tiaras. The last to be reapplied was Twilight's engagement ring, sparkling like a tiny star.

"When will you be returning to the Castle of the Moon?" Twilight asked Luna, as one of the petite batponies touched up her cheeks with a faint touch of rouge.

Luna sighed. "Soon, I hope," she said. "Tis still a strenuous process, shifting the trains of bureaucracy so that they roll aright to my proper door. I have had the castle but a year, and I find I miss it, and the warmth of Ponyville about it, most sore, every single day I am parted."

"Me too," Twilight said, thinking longingly of her home back at the Golden Oaks library.

The three batponies disappeared again with smiles and whispered reassurances trailing behind them. Luna and Twilight looked at each other, took a deep breath, and headed for the door.

They were met outside by a sight that warmed Twilight's heart. Nyx, Spike, and a surprise, Bright Eyes stood there. Nyx was in her miniature royal regalia, the tiny tiara, peytral and hoofshoes gleaming, her mane and tail brushed to perfection and her coat glossy black. Spike and Bright Eyes stood on either side of her... wearing miniature versions of the uniform of the Crystal Empire royal guard. For a finishing touch, Peewee was perched on Spike's left epaulette, glowing softly.

Standing directly behind them was Ink Spot. He was dressed in a uniform that... Twilight didn't quite recognize. It was white with gold trim on one half, midnight blue with silver on the other, and had a high stiff collar, and a jewel-pommeled sword in a scabbard hanging off his left hip whose tip nearly dragged the ground. He flushed and smiled when he saw Twilight step through the door.

They bowed carefully to both Luna and Twilight. "Good evening your highnesses," they recited carefully.

Twilight happily nuzzled all of them in greeting... lingering a bit more on Ink Spot for obvious reasons. "I know I asked you to all dress formally, but what's this?"

"Our uniforms arrived in the mail," Spike said. "Cadence and Shining Armor have been saying that it wasn't right that the Crystal Champions didn't have proper dress wear."

"And Celestia is to account for this," Ink Spot said, smiling wryly and tugging at his collar a bit with his magic.

"The garb of a Knight of the Realm!" Luna said in delight, recognizing it immediately. "I have not seen such since... well, before," she finished with a cough.

"Celestia said that since I was knighted, I might as well dress the part," he said. It was true. Celestia had been vividly amused by Ink Spot's (somewhat) heroic charge to Twilight Sparkle's rescue, and had knighted him the very next day, on the grounds that he had selflessly come to the defense of one of the nation's Princesses. He was now a full Knight of the Realm, and baron over a small uninhabited island in the middle of a river someplace. Celestia had thought it a marvelous jest and a perfect note of whimsy.(1)

"Milady." Ink Spot dipped his head in a bow. "Shall we proceed to the festivities?"

Twilight felt a small tidbit of happiness melt and spread inside her like warm chocolate. "Indeed we shall," she said, falling in beside him.

Their guards-- Lightning Blitz and Sundiver, most surely-- fell in behind them. Luna followed after, her own two Lunar Guards at her flanks.

The enormous double doors to the ballroom loomed ahead. They opened silently, spilling light and sound out into the hall. Twilight took a deep breath and held it inside her as they made their way into the welcoming gala.They may have taken away much, she thought, his warm side pressing into hers, her adopted daughter and son trotting ahead. But I will always still have this.


1) The fact that it completely demolished any complaints that Twilight was engaged to a "commoner" was purely coincidental, she was sure.

Next Chapter: Chapter 16 Estimated time remaining: 4 Hours, 18 Minutes
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