“Helloooooooo Palaminooooo!!!” Flim announced loudly, head raised toward the cloudless sky. “We are the WORLD FAMOUS FlimFlam Brothers! Gather ‘round everypony, you won’t want to miss out on our new and incredible invention!”

The two brothers had just arrived in the small village, a very humble countryside outlet. There wasn’t a large population of ponies there, but it was the next stop from Trottingham and quite the quaint one at that. Palamino featured a rich abundance of serene pastures with little to no buildings around. It was a small wonder that there was even a market here, but it’s picturesque scenery was sore tempting to make Flim and Flam stop.

As the Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000 (‘It just slips off the tongue so well!’ Flam thought to himself, admiring their name and handiwork) pulled into the town square, a few of the residents trotted up with looks of confusion. Unfortunately among those citizens was the village idiot, Rush La’Dush. To put it nicely, he was more than a few apples short of a bushel. Heck, his orchard was barren of any apples. He used to be an intelligent stallion, but this poor hazel-brown colored earth pony had gotten it in his head one day that the Princess was monitoring them. That is, putting hidden cameras in the local pond to spy on them. His mind had lost several important brain cells by sticking his head underwater for prolonged periods of time searching for evidence.

Needless to say, Rush was strait-jacket nuts. His white mane was always ruffled and stricken with local woodland creatures. He often had a look of suspicion adorned on his face, wild-eyed and twitching at anything out of the ordinary. Rush’s actions had led the village to just go along with it as it was fairly routine. It wouldn’t be a normal day if Rush hadn’t accused somepony of a conspiracy by the end of the evening. Today was no different as he had wrapped an entire roll of tin-foil around his neck and forehead. Obviously to keep the government from reading his mind. Rush’s left eye began to swirl about insanely as his right eye kept it’s glare at the brothers.

“SPIES! I TOLD ALL OF YOU, CANTERLOT IS GOING TO MAKE US THEIR SLAVES!” Rush cried out in defiance. Flim and Flam looked at each other, absolutely perplexed, and then looked back at the crowd. Surely there had to be someone interested in their cider!

“Oh give it a rest, Rush, let them speak,” pronounced an unidentifiable voice from the crowd. “Yeah, last time you pulled something like this the Wonderbolts shot out of here in pure terror!” shouted another voice. Rush gave a look of annoyance to everypony, but bit his lip back at the brothers.

Flim nervously chuckled. “Right, as I was saying, we’re here to supply all of you ponies with delicious cider! I’m sure somepony here is thirsty enough for a drink!”

The majority of the ponies looked at each other, contemplating the idea. One ash-gray unicorn trotted forward to the machine. “I’ll take a mug,” he called up.

“Excellent!” Flam shouted. With that, the brothers immediately struck the antenna with their magic in unison. The machine began to churn and grind gears, a large funnel sucking up some apples that Flim had gathered beforehand. The crowd watched in awe as the Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000 (anypony gotten annoyed with that yet? :] ) poured out a mug for this customer. Flim excitedly handed it over to the unicorn who graciously took it and gave back three bits in exchange. Just as he was about to sip, Rush knocked the mug out of his hoof.

“THAT’S THEIR MIND CONTROL LIQUID! YOU TAKE ONE SWIG OF THAT AND YOU’LL BE PRAISING CELESTIA ALL THE DAY LONG!” Rush protested, dashing to the crowd to emphasize his point. They all sighed, almost feeling guilty for having this happen to the new guests. One by one they cantered over to Flim and Flam to purchase a mug as a sort of compensation for the trouble. However, one cloaked pony meandered over to the puddle of cider and gave it a lick. Instantly, he launched himself up in stark insanity.

“O’ CELESTIA! The mare I call Princess!” he sang, still shrouded with his hood. One pony would later note that the tune sounded oddly familiar to an anthem north of the border, but he dismissed the thought.

“By jove!” cried out another similarly attired stallion, “Rush was right! That pony’s gone cuckoo for Celestia!” The crowd collectively gasped. Immediately, they all started screaming and ran off to their own homes.

Rush put up his hooves in victory. “I TOLD YOU! WHO’S THE CRAZY HORSE NOW?!” He cackled, throwing a head of cabbage at the post office. He then galloped away, zigzagging back and forth to his hut in the marshes. Suddenly Flim and Flam were alone in the village, the sound of a hawk echoing out in the emptiness. “What just happened?” Flam puzzled.

While they stood there in shock, the two cloaked stallions from before approached them behind their backs. One chuckled in mockery, “Looks like you fellas aren’t cut out for being salesponies yet.”

Flim’s reaction was that of surprise and anger. “Wait a minute, you two faked that little show?!? What’s the big flamboozle?!?”

Flam sided right next to his brother, equally enraged. “How dare you miscreants meddle our first sale! What do you have to say for yourselves?!”

The two strangers laughed louder once more. “You’ve got a lot way to go!” they said in unison. At this, they unveiled their cloaks and threw them in the air. Before Flim and Flam, stood their pegasi uncles. Their jaws dropped to the ground. It was almost a cover page for Equestria Business Weekly, the uncles’ emerald coats glistening in the sun whilst they smirked.

“UNCLE BERNIE?! UNCLE MADOFF?! What are you two doing here?” the FlimFlam brothers asked in disbelief.

“Why, testing you two of course. We had to make sure you could continue in our line of work,” Uncle Madoff responded. “Terribly sorry bout the episode with Rush, but it was necessary. You see, as saleponies, you have to be prepared for anything!” Uncle Bernie explained, both uncles circling around Flim and Flam. Their golden manes bristled gently from the light breeze, almost hypnotically. Uncle Bernie’s cutie mark was that of a bag of coins. Uncle Madoff’s coincided, his being a bank building. Their eyes matched a brilliant shade of silver, surveying the machine.

“What do you mean, dear uncles?” Flam asked. Suddenly the uncles softly flew up into the air and picked up their nephews. They set them onto the sofa of the Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000 (still going haha!) and grinned wickedly.

“Shall we give them a demonstration, ol’ brother?” Uncle Bernie asked his sibling.

“Ready when you are, ol’ boy!” Uncle Madoff replied. “You two need a lesson in presentation. How to shock and awe the crowd.” He clapped his hooves together, two canes and two top hats appearing out of nowhere for the uncles. They both cleared their throats (music time!).

“Let’s get down to business! To increase... our sales! Hoah!” the two green pegasi sang out, poking their canes at Flim and Flam. “Ya gotta be the best now! Or you’ll fall behind! It’ll be tougher than a dragon’s scale, but you can bet before we’re through. Somehow we’ll make salesponies out of you!”

Flim jabbed Flam’s side with his hoof, “This is the bee’s knees! Should we be taking notes?” Flam was about to respond, but the uncles continued their song.

“Salesponies! You gotta fib a bit, maybe scam ‘em! Salesponies! Make that final charge, cheat on taxes! Salesponies! With all the force of Equestria Stock Trade, mysterious as the back dealings of Lunaaaaaa!!!”

“But uncles, that all sounds like dirty business! Aren’t we honest salesponies?” Flam asked.

“Pfft! Honesty schmonesty! You might as well take that idea to the bank and cash it for the one bit it’s worth!” Uncle Bernie retorted.

Uncle Madoff guffawed in agreement, “To get by in this world, you gotta do what ya gotta do! Even if that means putting down another pony. Just remember, you always have each other!” He put a leg around his Bernie’s shoulder to make a point.

Flim nodded and looked over at his brother. “Flam, are you thinking what I’m thinking?”

Flam grinned. “I sure am, Flim, it’s time to be salesponies!”

The uncles high-hoofed each other. “That’s the spirit boys! Now sing it with us!” they shouted out, lifting Flim and Flam off the couch and back onto the ground. Uncle Bernie gave them the canes while Uncle Madoff filled a cloud with bits and pounded it to rain money upon their nephews.

The four sang out in fortissimo, “SALESPONIES! You gotta fib a bit, maybe scam ‘em! SALESPONIES! Make that final charge, cheat on taxes! SALESPONIES! With all the force of Equestria Stock Trade, mysterious as the back dealings of LUNAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!” To make the moment even more grand, the uncles lit off fireworks behind them to capitalize the scene. Streams of green and golden light showered the evening sky, what a sight!

They all laughed together, the uncles saluting their nephews. “Now you know what you must do! Go get ‘em fellas!” Uncle Bernie and Uncle Madoff sounded off.

Flim and Flam saluted back at them. “Absolutely, uncles! Look out Equestria, here come the World Famous FlimFlam Brothers!” they harkened, powering up the Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000 to carry them forth to the next town.

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Author’s note: I’m not gonna lie, I had a ton of fun writing up Rush La’Dush’s character. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate crazy people, I just have a lot of fun with them. I work in retail in a small town, so I get it a lot. Anywho, if anyone makes a drawing of Rush La’Dush, YOU WILL BE MY HERO FOREVER! Seriously, isn’t the mental image of him just the goofiest thing you’ve ever seen? Especially when he threw a cabbage at the post office, oh man! Classic! For reals though, I will totally compensate with something awesome to whoever does!

One last thing, if you figured out the “Salesponies!” song was really “Let’s get down to business!” from Mulan (I know, wasn’t that hard, but still!) you win 20 points. 25 extra points if you started singing along to the real song. I hope you enjoyed this next chapter, please share and comment! I DASH YOU!

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