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If You Can't Beat 'em, Eat 'em!

by MeowthRocket

Chapter 10: An Interlude of Dirt and Chickens

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As the sun began to rise on Cloudsdale, Meowth was busy sleeping peacefully in Josh and Rainbow Dash's bed. After realizing neither of them would be coming home that night, the cat-pokemon had snuck into the warm of the big plush bed and was busy snoozing.

"Mmmm... yes.... a nice thing of salmon and sweets... it does sound yummy...", he murmured to himself, rubbing his pudgy belly.

"WAKE UP! WAKE UP! WONDERBOLTS ON THE WAY! WAKE UP! WAKE UP! WONDERBOLTS ON THE WAY!"

The sound of the loud Wonderbolts studded alarm clock startled the cat enough to where he LEAPT out of the bed and crashed into the ceiling, leaving a body imprint before peeling off and crashing down to the ground.

"Ugh...", he groaned as he rubbed his charm, trying to subdue the headache he now had, "Why did I set dat tin' fo' 5:30 A.M.???"

Rubbing his eyes wearily, he smacked his lips and scratched his side before walking out of the bedroom and heading down into the kitchen to make himself some cocoa to wake him up.

"Maybe some hot cocoa will help me rememba' why I set da freakin' alarm so early!!!"

Climbing onto the countertop and fetching a tin of cocoa mix from Dash's cupboard, Meowth got to work making himself a cup of the sweet drink. It wasn't exactly hard to make, all the cat-pokemon had to do was take a jug of milk, pour some into a cup, and put it into the microwave to heat up for a bit before he added the dutch chocolate powder. As he let the microwave do its business, fully having grown to accept Ponyville to be so technologically up to date that appliances were the norm, Meowth leaned against the kitchen table, tapping his orange and cream-yellow footpaw against the floor as he waited for his drink to heat up.

"C'mon, c'mon... dis cat's gettin' thirs---", he groused before his attention was brought to a sheet of paper resting right below where he'd gotten the cocoa mix on the counter, "What the.... how did I miss dat?? I guess I musta been more tired den I thought."

Curiously, as to be expected coming from a cat-pokemon, Meowth climbed back onto the countertop and, fetching the sheet, sat down on the tile and read it, his tail resting against the wooden pantry door.

"Huh.. from da writin' it looks like Fluttershy did this...", he thought to himself as he read on, imagining Fluttershy's voice narrating the letter to him.

Dear Meowth,
Don't worry, Josh is checking up on Rainbow Dash. I'm not sure if he'll be coming home tonight, but if not I just wanted to let you know. I'm looking forward to tomorrow with you agreeing to help Angel and I not only make more foods for today's training, but also help me with feeding some of my chickens. It was really sweet of you to offer to come so early, I guess some of Josh's charm rubbed off on yours, tee hee.

Love, Fluttershy

P.S. In case you can't find my cottage, look on the back of this note to find out how to get there.

As he finished reading the letter, his pupils shrunk down to the size of pinheads as he remembered exactly WHY he'd set the alarm so early.

"FUCK!!! I was going to help Fluttershy!!!!!!", he cursed loudly as he leapt off the counter and dashed out of the kitchen, tucking the note tightly behind his golden charm, "Da cocoa's gonna have to wait! Dis cat-pokemon has a job ta do!"

As much as Meowth enjoyed sleeping in and eating, he wasn't one to back out of a promise... especially after Pinkie Pie had instilled into him that breaking a promise was the easiest way to lose a friend's trust FOREVER. He was STILL trying to figure out how that party pony fit herself in Sugarcube Corner's big toaster oven. But right now, he was more concerned with getting to Fluttershy's cottage to help her out. As he set foot onto the clouds surrounding Rainbow Dash's castle, he gazed at the sun across the way starting its slow ascent into the air and painting the sky a bright orange. It was a beautiful sight, one that took the cat-pokemon's breath away.

"Beautiful... ab-so-lute-ly beautiful.", he sighed as he took a few steps back, getting ready to make his leap off the clouds, "I am but a droplet of water in da sky...... time for me...."

With that, he charged forward and made a swan dive off the clouds into the deep blue.

"TO FALL!!"

But instead of falling to a gruesome death, the cat-pokemon's dive slowed down until the point where he actually did a semi u-turn in midair, leaving him floating in the sky as if he was a bubble in a glass of soda.

"Heh... dis neva' gets old!", he grinned as he picked up the sheet from behind his gold charm and read it to get the directions to Fluttershy's house. It was a rather complicated method that was keeping the cat-pokemon afloat, Twilight having openly said it would be close to impossible to figure out how, short of Luna and Celestia's advanced magic, it was possible for Meowth to hover and soar through the skyline like a feather. Celestia had jokingly deemed it "starflight", but somehow the name had stuck and Meowth had grown to enjoy it.

"Hm.... left at SugarCube Corner, 2 feet south from Dr. Whooves office..", Meowth muttered to himself as he memorized the directions before rolling the sheet back up and sticking it back behind the gold coin that adorned his head before rearing back to get ready to fly.

"Sky.... be my guide and show me da way!!!"

With that, the cat-pokemon took off through the orange, on his way to help out a shy yellow pegasus...
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"It's so wonderful that you can help me, Meowth!"

As Fluttershy looked at the chubby cat-pokemon standing at the doorway to her cottage, a bashful smile on his normally confident face, she couldn't help but marvel at how eager he looked to help her out. She remembered he'd had fun helping her days before with cooking for Dash and AJ's training, but didn't expect him to be so willing to help her around her house.

"Nah, it's nuttin'.", Meowth boasted, "Anytin' ta help a friend. So whacha need me ta do?"

"Well...", Fluttershy thought to herself before she gave the cat-pokemon an answer, "Like I said before, I could use some help with feeding Elizabeak, Peckingham, and all the other chickens. When you get done with that, if you can help me with cooking up a bit more for today's training session, that would be wonderful."

"No problem!", Meowth replied before a puzzled look appeared on his face, "But ya really t'ink there'll be more massive eating today? We both heard... and you SAW... how violently sick Applejack and Rainbow Dash got!"

Fluttershy looked down at the memory. "Yeah, that wasn't exactly pleasant. At least Josh and I were able to comfort them..."

"Yeah...", Meowth agreed, "So dese chickens, where are dey?"

The pegasus giggled as she turned away from the pokemon, "Follow me, sweetie."

Meowth couldn't help but blush as he let the pegasus lead him through her house and into the kitchen, opening up a pantry and revealing a big bag of chicken feed. He knew that, despite a lot of cats being natural bird-hunters, that Fluttershy was comfortable with him helping her with taking care of her own fine-feathered friends. As much as Meowth enjoyed a good meal, he'd told the mane 6 that he'd rather use a phone than his claws when it came to getting food and that he actually found the idea of bird-hunting unsettling. It wasn't to say it didn't love foods like fried chicken, but it was more in the sense of what Applejack had said back at the meeting. While meat WAS a part of a lot of the ponies diets, they always had it imported from places like Neigh York City and Buffalo as so they could take solace in knowing they weren't eating their own raised companions. They knew Meowth, Spike, and Opal in particular were partial to fried birds, so they always got a special delivery just for them. Fluttershy's only request had been that Meowth not eat any boned meat around her, since if it was just meat it'd be easier for her to imagine it as a different edible being consumed. It was a request Meowth had only been too happy to agree to.

"Whoa!", Meowth whistled as he looked at the big white bag of Mr. Seeder's Chicken Feed resting in Fluttershy's cabinet, "Ya got a whole cabinet just fer yer animals??"

"Why yes, of course!", Fluttershy chirped as if it was the most natural thing in the word, "I always make sure to have enough food for not just me, but for my beloved friends. Do you think you can manage that big bag?"

Meowth calmly cricked his paws and his neck before he walked over to the giant bag and picked it up, slinging it over his shoulder. It was, needless to say, a very amusing sight. The bag must have weighed at least 20 pounds and the cat-pokemon, only weighing a little bit more than that, was barely managing NOT to have it tip him over. But through some sort of miracle and leverage, Meowth was able to hoist the bag up and let Fluttershy lead him out into the backyard where her chicken coop, full of clucking, egg-laying hens, chickens, and roosters was sat.

"Here my pretties! Elizabeak, Peckingham, everyone!", the pegasus called out, "Come on, everyone! It's feeding time!"

Almost instantly, a bevy of feathered creatures poured out of the coop, clucking and cackling like nobody's business. The sheer amount of them coming out amazed Meowth to no end.

"Dey must be packed like sardines in dere!", he remarked to Fluttershy wide-eyed and setting the bag down.

Fluttershy just giggled and patted Meowth gently on the head. "No, silly. It's just roomy in there. Chickens are actually really small in size compared to a coop's width. Twilight and Applejack taught me that."

Meowth whistled and, unseathing a claw, sliced open the big bag of feed. "So all I gotta do is just dump out da feed and let da chicks nomnom?"

This brought another giggle to the pegasus' lips. "Nomnom? I think you've been listening to Pinkie Pie a bit much, heh heh."

Meowth just blushed and twirled a paw in the dirt. "Well when ya go ta Sugarcube Corner as much as I do, ya pick up a few woids."

This, Fluttershy had to admit and she nodded to him. "Yes, but you also have to make sure they don't eat too much... Angel should be coming out any second to help supervi-- oh there he is now!"

Seeing Fluttershy looking over his shoulder, Meowth turned and saw her pet bunny grumbling and walking towards them. The fact that the sardonic bunny rarely hopped was a bit that puzzled Meowth in so many ways.

"I'll leave you two to it then! I'm gonna go inside and get the ingredients ready for us to make Rainbow Dash and Applejack something good for today's training... Probably something light...", Fluttershy smiled before giving both Meowth and Angel a hug and heading into the cottage to get together the materials needed to prepare the foods for that days training session, leaving the cat-pokemon and bunny out with the chickens. Similar to the creatures coming out of the coop, Angel didn't feel too threatened by the cat, Fluttershy assuring him he wasn't gonna eat him. But this chore still annoyed him and he couldn't see why Meowth was so eager to help out.

"Well..", Meowth said, rolling up a set of invisible sleeves and taking the huge bag in his paws, "Here we go!"

Without wasting a second Meowth tipped the bag of feed over, allowing all the dry goods inside to pour out into the dirt. Whistling to the chickens, he motioned for them to come over to where all the yummy feed was.

"Here chickens, here!", Meowth called, whistling to the fowl. Angel just looked nonplussed at the cats efforts. He and Fluttershy knew that he wouldn't try eating the chickens.... BUT THEY DIDN'T KNOW THAT! To them, it was just another feline trying to get at their sweetmeats!

"Come on, chickadees! Meowth's got some nice feed for ya!", he called out. But the chickens didn't even make a move to get closer. This led Angel to give him a small sneer, frustrating the cat-pokemon.

"Aw c'mon.. dis is perfectly good feed! Meowthie ain't gonna hurt ya!", Meowth insisted, but the chickens just kept their distance from him.

With a groan, Meowth took a pawful off the chicken feed and held it out. "Look! It's yummy! See??". Reluctantly, he popped the pawful in and swallowed with a smile and rubbed his tummy as if to show it was perfectly safe... and the next thing he knew, he was on all fours wheezing and gasping for air. What he didn't count on was the feed being as dry as a desertland!

"W...watta.... watta'..... WATTA'.... Angel... I NEED WATTA'!", he gasped, turning to the bunny in a panic. With a sigh, the bunny walked into his hatch and came back out with a glass of water, handing it to the cat-pokemon, who poured it down his throat and gasped in relief as his throat grew nice and moistened again.

"HOW DO DEY EAT THAT?!?", he panted, getting a facepalm from the aggravted bunny. As funny as it all was, Angel was getting a little tired of watching the chickens ignore him and gestured for Meowth come closer. Rubbing his throat, Meowth did so with a curious look.

"What? What am I doin' wrong?"

Sighing again, Angel took a pawful of the feed and hopped over to the fowl with a whistle. Almost instantly, several of the chickens wandered over to the bunny and began pecking at the feed in his white paw. Meowth was just amazed at the ease that Angel was able to do it.

"So dat's all dere is to it?", he asked.

Angel nodded and scooped up another pawful, giving it to the cat-pokemon and nodding for him to do what he had just done. Whistling, Meowth held the feed out and waited for the chickens to approach. Sure enough, a few of the fowl cautiously came over to Meowth and, at not seeing any movement from him, slowly began to peck and nibble at the bits in his paw. Inwardly, Meowth began to breathe a sigh of relief.

"Heh, dis ain't so hard.", he thought as he whispered to the fowl around him, "That's right, eat up. Eat ALL the food... just like Fluttershy said... don't eat too much now..."

But as Meowth moved his paw to try and get another handful, a few bits of uneaten seed fell out of his paw and rolled down onto his foot. As Meowth lifted up another pawful of stock, he suddenly felt a sharp peck on his foot paw, the startling causing him to drop more of the seed.

"Ow! What the??", he yelped looking down. To his and Angels shock, the chickens were now pecking at his feet!

"Ow!! Stop dat!! Cat food ain't on the menu!!!!", Meowth pleaded, trying to shake off the fowl, only to fall backwards into the bag of feed in his attempt to get them off of him. Before he knew it, he was being pecked at every part of his body, the chickens all trying to peck the bits of feed off of him.

"Angel!!! Fluttershy!! HALP!!!!"

Immediately, Angel ran to the back door and used his foot to pound on it until the pegasus had come out.

"Angel? What is it swe---", she started to say before she looked up and saw the chickens all pecking at her friend, "Oh good Celestia! Meowth! I'm coming!"

Fluttershy ran to Meowth's side and tried shooing all the chickens away, but they were so engrossed with their eating that they didn't even hear her calls.

"C'mon... please...", she pleaded, "Don't eat the nice kitty! He's not good for your tummies...."

But the fowl couldn't hear her... and she knew she had only option.

"I didn't want to have to do this...", she thought to herself, "But I've got no choice..."

Closing her eyes and lowering her head, Fluttershy slowly walked towards the cat-pokemon before lifting her face to reveal an ice-cold stare. It was the kind of gaze that could pierce ones soul all the way to the bone. The chicks were frozen in place by Fluttershy's shattering glare.

"Now all of you chickens get back into the coop...", she spoke calmly, "I think you've all had enough food for now..."

Obediently, the chickens scurried back into the white coop, leaving Fluttershy and Angel to tend to the Meowth laying in the bag of feed with peck marks covering his body.

"Meowth! Are you ok??", Fluttershy asked, looking at him in alarm. Even Angel looked frightened at all the pockmarks on his cream-white-yellow body.

Meowth just grimaced before he spoke up...

"Now I know what swiss cheese feels like!"
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As Fluttershy helped Meowth with his wounds, the pegasus couldn't stop apologizing for his being so viciously henpecked.

"Meowth, I'm oh so sorry! I never knew chickens could do that!", she coaxed as she wrapped a bandage around his ear.

"Yeah, yeah...", Meowth winced as Angel put another wrap around his foot, "That's ok... ooh, that one smarts!"

Angel just groaned as he bit off the wrap to fasten the peckmark on his tail. He didn't know whether to laugh or feel bad for him. He'd seen Spike go with a simliar ordeal when Fluttershy went off with the others to go against the dragon snoring smoke all over Equestria. But he knew Spike had the hard spines and scales to protect him... Meowth only had flab and fur.

"Look at it this way...", Meowth joked, "At least I know I'm irresistable to chicks!"

This got him a smack on the back of the head from Angel. It was one of the worst lines he'd ever heard and he'd heard them ALL from Pinkie Pie!

Even Fluttershy was only able to muster a small chuckle before she finished dressing his wounds and helped him off the couch he'd been seated on. "There we go!", she smiled as she looked at the cat-pokemon now dolled up in bandages, making him look like a half-wrapped mummy.

"I feel like I should be in a pyramid or sometin'...", Meowth groaned, getting another kick to his backside from the rabbit and getting the hint, "Ok, ok! No more puns!"

"Angel, that's not nice!", Fluttershy scolded the bunny as she looked at the forlorn expression on the cats face, "What's wrong, Meowth?"

"Aw I just wanted to be able to help yas. You've been so nice to my friend...", Meowth pouted, "But I just ended up getting nearly turned into cat-flavored chicken feed!"

"Your heart is in the right place, Meowth.", Fluttershy smiled, "That's all that matters."

At this, even Angel just gave him a small thumbs up.... as best he could with his paw.

"Yeah... I suppose..."

"C'mere, Meowth..."

It was then that Fluttershy did something that caught Meowth off-guard...

She kissed him. She leaned down and gave him a kiss on his cheek. Immediately, Meowth felt his eyes grow wide and his cheeks turn a deep shade of red. He couldn't say anything, he just stood there stumbling over his words.

"Buh... wuh.... uh....", Meowth struggled to speak, rubbing his chubby cheek where Fluttershy had smooched him.

The pegasus merely smiled and left into the kitchen to start work on the days salads, knowing Meowth would come in when the shock of the kiss wore off. She'd seen Rarity have the same effect on Spike.

Meowth just stood there for a few moments, rubbing his cheek... and not even Angel's kicking could break the grin from his face before he followed the pegasus into the kitchen, an aggravated Angel bunny just smacking his head before heading in after them.
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As he listened to the roosters nearby cawing at the rising sun, Josh rubbed his eyes and looked down at the pegasus sleeping in his lap. He remembered that the night before, Rainbow Dash had needed help getting to the bathroom in time to finish revisiting the big meal that she and Applejack had tried shoveling down as practice for the contest, only to quickly watch it all in reverse. He also remembered what Rainbow Dash had told him, about the nightmare she had that led to her nausea reforming.

"My Dash... my sweet little Dashie....", he cooed as he gently set the pegasus' head down onto the bathroom carpet and got to work wiping his face. He knew today was the first day he'd be taking Dash's spot on the weather patrol while she was in practice and he wanted to make a good impression on their gruff boss. He knew Hammerhead was still annoyed by all the times Dash called him everything OTHER than Hammerhead; names like Hammy, Ham-and-eggs, Ham-a-lam-a-ding-dong all making the other ponies laugh and Hammerhead get another gray hair on his black mane.

Wiping off his face using one of Applejack's towels, Josh turned to leave for the door. But as he looked down at his sleeping sweetie, he gave a small sigh and took off his jacket, draping it over Rainbow Dash's body and giving her a kiss before he took off. Putting a little pressure on his leg, Josh grimaced before making his first real steps that day and smiled when he found himself not collapsed on the ground before tiptoeing down the stairs and out the front door, noticing the hallway where Rainbow Dash had her accident fully cleaned up, Josh took a few steps out into the crisp morning air and let out a sigh of relaxation. The crisp morning air felt great, blowing through his black hair and ruffling through the wings held against his body.

"Ahhhhh nothing like a beautiful orange sky to start the day...", he sighed happily, getting ready to open his wings and take to the air. But the sharp sound of a shovel hitting a bucket caught his attention and, turning to his side, he found himself looking at a caramel-colored pony digging holes in the ground, presumably to get ready to plant the days seeds. He didn't want to have the noise wake Applejack and Rainbow Dash up yet, since he knew Big MacIntosh would be doing that with his whistle soon enough.

"Hey ya think ya can keep it down?", Josh asked, walking over to the pony, "Dash and AJ are tryin' to get a little rest. They had a hard night."

"Sorry, man.", the pony replied, "Just doing a little morning yardwork. Since Applejack's taking a little time off, me and some of her cousins have to pick up the slack."

"Ahh so you're one of her relatives. Shoulda figured she'd have a big family."

"Yer darn right she does! Name's Caramel.", the pony remarked, offering his hoof to the teen, who took it calmly before nodding to the bucket filled with dirt nearby. "Just digging holes for some of my cousins to do the planting for today. Just because our cousin's taking time off don't mean farmwork can do the same."

"Yeah, I suppose that's true.", Josh admitted as he watched Caramel put another shovelful of dirt into the gray bucket nearby, "So you're not worried about all that's going on?"

"Naw.", Caramel replied, "Applejack and Rainbow'r fighters. Some fancy-pants ain't gonna beat them."

"I just wish Rainbow Dash had the same confidence..", he thought to himself as he watched Caramel continue his work, "Well I've gotta head off. I'm taking Dash's shift on cloud duty. Still getting used to having a hand in making the weather."

At this, the two shared a small laugh before Josh unfurled his wings and got ready to take to the air.

"But can you please try to keep down the noise? Big Mac's gonna be waking them up soon and I'd like them to be able to get as much rest as they can."

"Don't worry, I'm just about done. Then it's back to the toolshed for this.", Caramel reassured him.

"That's good.", Josh smiled as he began to crouch to take to the air. But right as he took off, he heard Caramel say something that caught his attention.

"Oddest thing though... I found this bucket in the weirdest of places."

"Huh?", Josh wondered, hovering a few feet above the air, "What do you mean?"

"Yeah, I found it in the guest bedroom next to the bed where they were sleeping."

At this, something snapped a little in Josh's head and he lowered himself back to the ground, his eye twitching.

"You found it where?!", he whispered loudly.

"In the guest bedroom. Dash and AJ were asleep and the buckets were empty, so I figured they wouldn't mind if I used them for this. That's ok, right?"

Josh's response was calm. He picked up the bucket of dirt, raised it above Caramel's head, and promptly turned it upside down and slammed it on the earth ponies skull, showering him with the messy contents.

"You idiot....", he seethed before giving the bucket-headed pony a backhand and causing the bucket to vibrate against his head like a bell. Caramel collapsed to the ground as Josh took to the air, leaving the pony to wonder one thing....

"What the heck was that for?!"

Next Chapter: Weathershock Estimated time remaining: 9 Hours, 44 Minutes
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If You Can't Beat 'em, Eat 'em!

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