Hey you, don't let them get to you

Take these candles where we'll meet

(Which street?)

Down on Santa Maria Street

[The] Sand Rubies, Santa Maria Street

That night, as Marlon stared up at the ceiling from his bed, he pondered all that had happened in the course of the day and thought of more that he could have asked on TV.  What was chunk gas?  Was Celestia born a princess?  Does Twilight have pictures of Discord?  Why aren't there more male ponies?  What will the plan be for taking them into society-how do you assimilate an alien?  Thoughts nagged at him like a mosquito's buzzing, as they often did this late at night.  In fact, they were keeping him from sleep.  He rolled around on his bed, trying to find the right dozing-off position, but his eyes would not fall heavy.

He turned on the light on his end-table and picked up his journal.  The writing down of his thoughts always tended to clear them from his head.

May 15, 2009

I know I've written about this multiple times before, but the question persists:  am I doing the right thing, or just making an ass of myself?  Today, I just defied every movie and book I've read about aliens-I decided not to shoot first.  Hell, Melski probably would have if I hadn't been his friend to advise him.  I mean, who knows?  If the aliens had been shot within the first few seconds of contact, I wouldn't have this weight on my shoulders; that is to say, the responsibility of integrating a new race into our own society.  Who cares if they're hostile or not?  We don't have to combat racism... or... build shelters... or... give them food or anything!  Will this make the world laugh at me?  The plan worked, right?  I know the whole "they're planning something evil" argument, but the vibes coming off of these things are genuinely kind.  It's not like in Evolution!  These things can communicate; they're reasonable!  Plus, if they were planning something evil, couldn't they have done it already?  Nothing wrong with carrying out your evil plan guns-a-blazin', if you ask me.  They don't eat meat, they've formed a society; they've even been here before with no problems except for racism towards them.  Wonder how much the history books left out on that one.  Even though the memory was wiped, somebody must have written it down!

I'm starting to think (again) that many people don't want me as their president because I'm not boring enough.  It's a paranoid thought, and there's not much of a reason to have it since I actually got re-elected, but it's been creeping in ever since my second term started.  But why?  Maybe it's the memories that are doing the job.  Memories of my newscaster days.  Memories of being fired for being "not boring enough."  Memories of "Stupid piss monkey" being spraypainted on my driveway by one of my own guards.  Firing him felt pretty good, though.

Maybe I need to have some more sex to keep me stable; my mind lends itself to stress far too easily; it's the only thing that really distracts me and eases the tension.  Not that distraction really matters now-there aren't any wars going on for the time being.  Need to go to a bar sometime....  Lucky I'm single, unlike Kennedy-I think that was why the public always thought ill of him-cheating on his wife-inexcusable.

Why do these things shit chocolate?  Really fucking weird-then again, everyone expects cute and cuddly things to shit rainbows, so this suddenly isn't so far-fetched.

---

Marlon looked at his ramblings and suddenly felt slightly better.  He didn't have to write every thought down, just the ones that plagued him most.  He felt more tired now, but that could possibly be due to the writer's cramp-horrible stuff.

Then it came to him.  The plan.  Out of nowhere, as well.  He began to write it down with his blue pen (which he could have sworn was white a second ago) underneath his ramblings-word by beautiful word.  It was foolproof.  The budget was in great shape, and could most likely afford a project like this.

Hope we don't have to cut anything to compensate.

He looked at the plan with pride-so simple it only took up the equivalent of a page.  His speech would be a piece of cake now, since it had come in the most natural way-from nowhere.  It would knock the cabinet boys dead in the meeting they had scheduled for tomorrow many days before.  Marlon considered the pitiful lie about the members' disappearances having nothing to do with sneaking out to see the aliens.  He eventually decided to let them have their fun; he could handle one day without them.    

As he turned out the light, he reflected on what had just taken place.

All the ponies (including the eight creatures from the interview) had had their (hooves?) washed off with garden hoses outside by the guards; residue of the brown material was taken to a lab and analyzed.  Guards were ordered to keep the crowds even farther away to diminish noise while the ponies slept on the lawn.  Marlon was to give a speech to the aliens in the morning.

When Marlon opened his closet, Luna was no longer there, but a small piece of paper was on the floor.  The room smelled like summer night air.

Dear Richard, it read.

If you are reading this, then I formally apologize for not being available for the interview.  I am habitually nocturnal, and in addition, I would prefer to watch over my subjects tonight.  So, promptly at sundown, I teleported myself outside.  If you do not believe me, you can look out your window.  I hope the interview went well and look forward to speaking with you soon.

-Luna

   For a brief moment, Marlon was curious as to how she knew when sundown was, but he remembered that she must have used her magic powers to look through the walls and beyond the ship.

Hope she doesn't do that when I'm taking a shit.

Luna's letter was true; Marlon could see her dark form on the lawn rising above the other ponies'.  Her mysteriously wavy hair reflected light from some distant streetlamp, mimicking the effect of moonlight on a dark lake.

"Good God, that's creepy," Marlon whispered upon seeing this.

Since Luna slept during the day and would most likely want to stay with her own species at night, Marlon had no idea when she would be available to talk to.

Oh well....  Maybe I can ask Celestia when Luna 'takes off.'

Marlon fell asleep, his last conscious thought being, "Maybe the bad's all in my head."

---

*flip*

1:32 (ante meridian), and Marlon was still in the building.  Everyone else had gone home, and the main cubicle room was empty.  There was a janitor about five floors down, but Marlon knew that this could easily be a myth; he had only heard word of the janitor from a passing coworker hours ago.  Either way, he was alone, his only companions being the computer server boxes at his "8", their green lights flitting about above their countless blue, yellow, and white wires, and his faithful Micron computer in front of him, its imploding spiky sphere slowly floating across the black CRT.  A worn, off-white fluorescent bulb was shining on his off-white desk, brilliantly illuminating the off-white metal beams that supported his metal desk-hutch; and the off-white walls, bringing an oasis of off-white light to the windowless, shadowy side-office.  The only two things that were not of this brilliant shade were the worn, grey metal cage encasing the fluorescent fixture, the grey carpet with a quasi-corduroy pattern, and the wood-grain flip-clock on his desk, displaying the time.  Marlon was having a difficult time distinguishing between whether this was a dream or reality-everything was rather clear.

He heard a stereotypical office phone ring, and noticed the now-conveniently-placed phone on his desk.  He picked up the receiver.

"Hello?"

"If a banana walks into a daycare center and assassinates the machinery, what would you do?" said a woman's voice.

"They don't make that machinery anymore do they?"

"Only when they tell them to."

"What, are you trying to go easy on me? The answer's obvious:  tie the red plastic necklace to the yellow garland, but be sure you're in aisle 3."

"Correct."

"AND DON'T YOU FUCKING FORGET IT!!" he screamed into the receiver as he slammed it down on his crotch.  The receiver conveniently disappeared.

"Stupid bitch!" he said to himself.  "That'll teach her."

Marlon suddenly had the urge to complain to his boss about the disorderly conduct he was being put through by the callers; even though she wasn't here, he could still leave a note on her desk.

He walked out of the side office into the cubicle room, which was only illuminated by a fluorescent fixture beaming down upon the boss's door.  As he walked closer, he noticed that "FIRE EXIT:  DO NOT OPEN" had been stenciled in with red spray paint, but Marlon knew that this was only to deter salesmen.  He pushed the bar-handle in, but the door would not budge.  He pushed his thumb against the thumbprint scanner next to the door and pushed on the bar again.  This time, he was in.

The boss's office was always being remodeled, but for the time being, the right side was kitchen-like, with dark-green cabinets, drawers, a white fridge and oven, and square, beige floor tiles with elaborate patterns and curlicues gracing their fronts.  The middle held a huge, mahogany conference desk with a decorative circular tempered glass inlay, while a sunset shone through a panoramic, blinded window opposite the door, casting millions of lined shadows and golden stripes across the room.  The rest of the room was blank, but still carpeted the traditional grey, with black rubber baseboard covers.

The urge to deliver the note had now passed, as he now saw Luna bobbing her head up and down in front of another Micron CRT on a wooden desk in the left of the room.  This one had an old Intel webcam mounted on top.

"Whatcha doing there?"

"Ever heard of Shoop?  Sadly, the only way I can bounce a ball off my head is with a simulation-in real life, my horn would pop it."

Indeed, a basketball was being bounced on the screen, apparently by her head's correspondence with the camera.

"I've been waiting here for quite a long time; it's amazing how cluttered humans' dreams are.  This little game was the only thing I could do to keep myself occupied since that door was locked from my side."

Marlon tried to respond, but his mouth would no longer form words, only a garbled "mmuumnhmuhh."  The lip movements were coming with difficulty, and his mind went blank.  He hoped she would not notice the odd spectacle and tried to walk away, embarrassed at his mumbling.  As he walked, he could feel his legs putting up resistance, and suddenly saw bright red numbers in front of him:  "1:32"-his alarm clock.  As he struggled to lift his eyes, he realized that he had, in fact, been dreaming, and tried desperately to break his mind's connection with the artificial world by moving the rest of his limbs.

Finally, Marlon fully awoke and sat up in the pitch-black, realizing how bizarre the dream was.  Odd conversations were normal in dreams, but why did Luna talk to him as if she knew it was one?  He knew that most parts of dreams stemmed from memory, like the old webcam game, the office from a lower floor of his news building, the sunlit conference room.

But what would Luna have to do with dreams?

Marlon was about to fall back asleep, concluding it a circumstance, when Luna's voice rang from behind his ears, like Celestia's had earlier.

"I'd appreciate it if you would stay...."

Marlon's head and eyes suddenly felt incredibly heavy, and as he rested his head on his pillow, the clock's numbers changed from red to a dim blue.

---

Mikey's Auto Care* was a place Marlon vaguely remembered from his childhood; it was the only place his then-married parents would ever go to have their car repaired.  He saw the ancient building in front of him  exactly as he had remembered it.  The square building was constructed of deep-brown bricks, and was fitted with a window and brown metal door on its right, and a massive brown garage door in the center.  Above the smoky window (which was fitted with ancient, decaying blinds) was a box-shaped light fixture common in industrial parks.  Its shielded bulb emanated dirty orange light across the parking lot, bathing Marlon in an ethereal, ominous glow.  A brown sign graced the wall above the garage door, reading in bleached-white letters, "MIKEY'S AUTO CARE."  To the left and right of the building, Marlon could see the rest of the Brookland industrial park, illuminated only by occasional fluorescent light fixtures.

As Marlon began to wonder why he was back in Nebraska, he realized that this was a dream-there would be no other reason for him to return home.  In addition, he remembered falling asleep and the strangely blue clock numbers.  However, he could feel the hot summer-night air and the pavement beneath his feet, hear the low hum of the light fixture, and taste his own breath.  This was no ordinary dream-not even a lucid one.  Even in those, he could not feel fully awake as he did now.  No, this was different-an experience that Marlon had never felt before.

He was fully conscious within his subconscious.

A horrible squeal emanated from the ancient, suddenly existing loudspeaker above the sign.

"As you can probably tell by now, you're fully conscious.  I thought it would be easier to communicate with you if I could cast a consciousness spell on you before you fell asleep.  As I said before, you humans have horribly cluttered dreams.  Come inside so we can talk."

The static-ridden voice belonged to Luna, and ended with another squeak from the loudspeaker.

What's Luna doing here?  I thought she was outside....  May as well go inside to get some answers.

Marlon decided not to panic at the bizarre situation-he had seen plenty during the day.  And if he panicked now, he would never get answers.

As Marlon walked to the door, he realized that he was only wearing his black boxer shorts that he had been sleeping in, but this was still enough to cover him (decently?).

Can ask Luna to poof me up a shirt.

Marlon opened the door to a dark office that smelled like a bowling alley, and was lit only by the fluorescent light emanating from the open door to the garage room.

As he walked through the door, he noticed that the garage had turned into the small warehouse which he remembered from a thrift store next to the industrial park.  The rusty rafters (graced by conical floodlight fixtures) were at least fifty feet up, while the floor reached forty feet across and two hundred back.  At roughly the 150 foot mark, massive wooden storage shelves reached nearly to the ceiling, and formed the gateway to vacant storage space in the back.  The cinder block walls gave the place a dead feel, emphasized by the icy concrete floor.  The floor was presently lined with rows upon rows of assorted furniture, mainly consisting of couches, futons, and armchairs.  From some hidden speaker system, February Stars was quietly playing.

To his left, Marlon saw Luna standing next to the garage door in all her glory, her dark blue hair now graced with small white dots representing constellations, as it had been when they first met.  She was holding a small shotgun microphone (by wrapping her hoof halfway around it) that was presumably connected to the loudspeaker.

How the hell is she gripping that without fingers?

He remembered how AppleJack took off her hat without fingers as well.

Why didn't I address that before?

"Let me begin by saying that I like your music choice; we had music like this back on Equestria," she said as she shook Marlon's hand and put the microphone down.

"Uh... thanks.  Before we start, do you think you could poof me up a shirt?  I wouldn't imagine you consider my shorts entirely decent."

"If you insist," she said as her horn glowed a dark blue and a white t-shirt appeared in his hands.  "But I personally don't care what you wear, if anything at all.  Most of us ponies walk around naked all the time, so we don't hold very high standards in that department."

"Indeed," said Marlon as he put the shirt on.  "It makes me feel more comfortable-we humans usually hold high standards in non-sexual company."

Why the FUCK did I say that?

"Because you wanted to inform me of your customs, that's why.  What's so wrong with that?  And since you're wondering, all ponies have the ability to do this-it's mild telekinesis-every pony's hooves have this basic magic power."

"Oh yeah, I forgot that you guys can hear thoughts."

"Not all of us can perform mind-reading spells.  And you haven't answered my question."

The guitar quietly played for a few moments.

"Well, I... uh... I..."

"Come on-let's sit down.  You'll feel better."

They walked to a row of furniture.  Luna reclined on a large, leather couch while Marlon used a reclining armchair opposite her.  He pulled the lever to rest his feet.

"I can tell that you're uncomfortable discussing sex out loud, so I won't put you through any more strain."

"I wasn't incredibly uncomfortable referencing it, but I didn't want to put the idea in your head to ask about how humans reproduce-explaining it, whether scientifically or deeply in general is the part I have a problem with."

"I understand.  We don't have to discuss this now, but if you want to get it off your chest, you're in a dream; no one will know you said anything."

"I'll consider it," Marlon said sarcastically.  "Was that the whole purpose of bringing me here?"

"In a way.  I wanted to get a better introduction to Earth's leader, but as privately as possible so that you wouldn't fear anyone watching you in case we discussed something you're uncomfortable about.  In addition, if your guards heard my voice in here with yours, they may think I'm trying to put a curse on you or something of the sort...."

As Luna said the "put a curse on you" line, she waved her front hooves in circles as a comedic effect.

"...And what more private place is there than inside one's mind?"

"I guess that makes sense, but since this is a dream, time appears to go faster, right?  We wouldn't have as much time to talk."

"Not true.  When I enter dreams, I always cast a time-slowing spell.  We could stay here for ten hours, and only five minutes would have actually gone by."

"When you enter dreams?  How often do you do this?"

"I'm the princess of the night, and make it my business to watch over ponies' dreams.  I usually enter about two or three per night in order to dissipate nightmares or to provide private consolation to troubled ponies, like I'm doing with you now."

"How would you know if they're troubled?"

"The dreams will become more disturbing and reflective of their fears when they are most afraid of something.  Say somepony is heavily claustrophobic-their dreams will often include small spaces to reflect their fear.  That would be a case in which I would console the dreamer."

"So you were like Equestria's psychologist, eh?  Did you watch over everyone's dreams at once?"

"Not all at once-I would look across them one by one (by flying over Equestria to get a better view) and skim over the good ones.  If more than one pony needed help though, I could clone myself with magic to enter both dreams."

"How many times can you clone yourself?"

"Only once-the cloning process requires a very large amount of magic, and few ponies can actually pull it off."

"Doesn't seem that helpful-wouldn't a lot of ponies have nightmares at once?"

"No.  Ponies tend to have very stable minds-"

Ba-Dum-Ksshh

"-and rarely have nightmares, unless of course their real-world problems are heavy enough to make it into the dreams."

"Your lives must have been quite the peaceful if that's the case."

"Quite.  We strove to keep healthy relationships with our own kind by helping each other in times of need.  In case we ever were to have extraterrestrial visitors of our own, my sister and I set up a planetary slogan:  'Equestria:  Where Friendship Is Magic!'"

"Back to the-"

"Well actually I thought it up, but my sister painted it on our capital city's welcome sign, if that counts for anything."

"...original subject:  I thought you were sleeping on the lawn-you must be cloning yourself now."

"Yes, but only because a nightmare is happening on the lawn.  All the ponies are isolated in one place, so their dreams can be accessed within my mind.  It's all a matter of distance; I'm not omnipresent."

"So you're just cloning your consciousness right now?"

"Essentially, but I can clone my body as well-I just haven't found a dire need to yet.  I consider them one and the same since they require similar amounts of magic energy."

Everlong began to play from the speakers, which Marlon now saw were attached to the floodlight harnesses.

"Let's move off-topic here.  Why is this dream so ordinary?  There aren't any weird things going on."

"We ponies retain consciousness as we dream, so we connect with the subconscious to make sense of a situation by correcting it with our conscious minds.  This usually makes dream settings appear more realistic.  Because I cast the spell on you, you're dreaming like one of us.  Notice how you ask questions so fluently-your conscious mind is dominating the subconscious, allowing your thoughts to stay on-topic."

"Why is that specific music playing then?"

"Your conscious mind is allowing the subconscious to access memories, which is where the music is coming from as well as the warehouse setting.  I can access a dreamer's memories as well to create new dream settings, but I don't see a need to do that now-there aren't any 'distant past' answers you want to know."

"If you can access memories, why do you need me to tell you what's wrong?"

"Well..., it's a long story, and it's not one I'm proud of, but it involves being lonely for long periods of time, resulting in a constant attraction for company.  Let's leave it at that."

"Well, you've succeeded in piquing my curiosity, but we all have stuff we're uncomfortable with, so I won't push you to tell it....  Wow, deja-vu."

"Thank you-it's nice to know that humans understand compassion."

"Oohhh, not most of us.  Many humans are quite mean; you wouldn't like them at all."

"That problem should have been alleviated when we sent down the hypnosis blast."

"What hypnosis blast?"

"The ship sent down an untraceable, permanent, anti-hostility hypnosis blast so large it hopefully would have reached the whole planet.  We did this while we were slowly landing.  We're aliens, but we're not stupid-we learned from the previous expedition to Earth to hypnotize first, ask questions later."

"So people who ran screaming from the landing site were only in pain at that horrific braking noise?"

"Indeed, but some may not be affected-the blast should have reached across the planet, but we're not sure if we have hypnosis spells of that large a magnitude perfected.  There's never been a life-or-death situation in which we needed to use them on Equestria.  And if anyone... lost their hearing due to the anti-gravity brakes, tell them to let Celestia know.  She knows how to cure ailments like that.  Death, however, isn't one of them."

"Well that totally defeats the purpose of my TV interview.  Nobody seemed to be angry ex-"

Marlon remembered the harsh comments toward Melski about the decision.

"Except for those guys," Marlon said quietly.

(And I wonder... when I sing along with you... if anything could ever feel this real forever...)

The music provided a background for his thoughts.

"Let me guess-some people are angry at your decision to not kill us?"

"How did you-oh, yeah the memories."

"No-I just heard you say 'except for those guys.'  When I access a dreamer's memories, the dreamer and I are both transported into them so we can watch events happen-I would have warned you before going into your memories so you wouldn't be too scared."

"I've seen too much crazy stuff today-there's a talking alien horse inside my head that's casting magic spells on me-I don't think the memory thing would be that scary."

As Marlon said that out loud, he realized how truly bizarre the situation was, and knew that the spell was working on him to prevent him from being monumentally scared.

"I'm not sure if they're angry at the armed forces for not killing you in case you were hostile, or at the fact that they let aliens live period."

"Well, it's probably the latter-why would they be angry if the plan worked?"

"Why do you think some people weren't affected?"

"It could possibly have something to do with the chemicals in their bodies at the time or their specific gene combinations that just so happened to make them immune to hypnosis-I'm not sure."

"Well I can certainly see why they have a hostile disposition toward aliens-almost every alien story talks about the aliens being hostile and 'shoot-worthy.'  I certainly hope my TV episode calmed a few of them down."

"That makes sense-if you humans have never dealt with aliens, you have no frame of reference about their behavior."

"Yeah-and in the stories, the ones that are nice are usually plotting some evil scheme."

It's a cookbook!

They paused as the music played on.

"Judging by your emission of pheromones and your facial expression, I can tell you're nervous about who we really are."

"I shouldn't be-didn't the spell work?"

Marlon was not surprised that Luna could smell pheromones; animals on Earth did it as well.

"Maybe not if you still feel nervous.  Maybe you didn't need it after all."

"If that's the case, I suddenly feel like a better person."

"Since you're nervous, I can prove my story.  I'll show you some memories of Equestria."

Luna's eyes began to glow a bright white, and her horn followed suit in its deep blue.  After ten seconds, the room faded into pitch blackness, and he began to see a completely different scene through his eyes, yet he was still sitting down.  Luna's voice then rang inside his head.

"You're looking at a memory of Equestria from my past eyes.  We ponies possess literally photographic memory capabilities, so these scenes will play out exactly as they happened.  And the translation spell applies to memories as well."

Luna was walking in this memory; Marlon could tell by the constant "camera" motion.  The road she was walking through was lined with odd buildings; most were apparently constructed of wood, but other unknown materials may have been used.  Their facades contained off-white walls and colored wooden beams, and were topped with thatch roofs, giving them similar appearances to Victorian English architecture, save for their circular, square, and occasionally heart-shaped windows, many of which displayed window boxes.  Streetlamps lit the road with incandescent light, but were in the style of old gas lamps.  The variety signs in front of the buildings indicated that this was Equestria's main street, advertising businesses such as "Dentist," "Cafe," "Vinyl's Vinyl Shop," "Barber," and "Sugar Cube Corner."  The last building massive and was topped with a structure resembling a cupcake.  It was obviously early night-time, judging by the Earth-like moon in the navy-blue sky and the shining lights within every building.

As Luna walked, Marlon saw other ponies walking on the road, while some were closing their shops for the night by shutting doors and turning "open" signs.  Some waved to Luna as she went by, smiling.

Eventually, Luna was knocked down on her side by an unknown force.

"I'M SO SORRY, PRINCESS LUNA!!  I GUESS THE BLASTS O' WIND BLEW ME INTO YOU!" said a stereotype of a half-retarded, female voice.

A grey hoof appeared and hooked around Luna's to help her up.  A small, grey pegasus with yellow hair filled the picture.  Something was wrong with her eyes, though; one was pointed at Luna, but the other was pointing up and to the center of her head, attempting to cross with the straight eye.

That must be the one Celestia was talking about-Derpy.

"It's... OK, Derpy.  You're right, the winds are rather strong up there tonight-I flew in them earlier."

She gave the top of Derpy's head a small rub with her hoof, which was clad in a silver cover, similar to Celestia's.

"THANKS FOR UNDERSTANDING, LUNA!" said Derpy as she embraced Luna's front right leg.  She lifted herself off the ground with rapid flaps of her wings and hovered away to her destination, being sure to stay out of the upper atmosphere.

Those wing movements aren't fast enough to lift these things, are they?

Luna occasionally looked left and right to observe the ponies outside of her peripheral vision.  As she looked left into a dark alley, she saw a tall dumpster with a barely noticeable small piece of hair sticking out from behind it.  Luna used her (X-ray?) vision to turn the dumpster transparent in her eyes.  Behind it were two ponies, one with bright yellow skin, to whom the orange hair belonged to, and-

Dashie?

-locking lips behind it.  The latter was leaning against a wall while the other was hugging her for support.  The dumpster turned opaque again as Luna said to herself under her breath:  "There they go again."  She had obviously seen enough.

I knew it!

Luna walked off the main road to a massive building shaped like a carousel and knocked on the door.

Who the fuck designed this place?

A three-foot tall white unicorn with bright-green eyes opened the door.  Its mane and tail were curled like cotton candy and pink with a purple stripe down them.

"Hi, Princess Luna," the creature said with an extremely high voice like that of a young girl.  Marlon would have despised the voice had it belonged to a young human girl, but the creature's shape alleviated the effect.

Jesus Fuckity Christ, that thing's cute!

"If you're looking for Rarity, she's in her room.  She's been working on a new dress all week; I'm not sure what occasion it's for, though.  Maybe the Grand Galloping Gala, Hearts and Hooves Day, who knows?" she said with a small shrug of her shoulders.

"Thank you, Sweetie Belle," said Luna as she walked inside.

Her name is SWEETIE? Must have gotten her name from that star, but god... DAMN!  It just gets cuter!

Luna observed the room as she walked towards the entrance to a spiral stair case.  The walls were decorated with mirrors and pony-shaped dress forms on daises.  Stacks of fabric dotted the white floor opposite the high, purple ceiling, decorated with red drapery.

"Be careful, though," Sweetie called as Luna reached the stairs, "She hasn't slept in days and our coffee supply's low, so if you came in unannounced and weren't the princess, she'd probably KILL you!"  Sweetie's voice cracked with a brutally high-pitched squeak as she said the word "kill," as if to add emphasis.

It's official-that is the cutest fucking thing I have ever seen.  End of story.

"I'll keep that in mind," said Luna as she entered the staircase.

The stairs were encased by purple walls on each side and led up the side of the building.  Windows let in the moonlight from the left, making the glow ethereal.  In the curved hallway upstairs, Luna knocked on a red door with a large "R" expertly carved into it.  Slow shuffling followed, and then deliberate 'clop' sounds, as if Rarity was angrily coming forward to make the kill.

An odd mutation of Rarity opened the door.  Its hair was frizzled beyond belief and complimented the bags under its eyes well.  Marlon could see a small line of crust to the left of its lip to indicate previous drooling during sudden, uncontrollable naps.  The eyes were angry from a week's worth of stress, but became shocked as they saw only a pair of legs and a torso at her door; the mutated Rarity was forced to look up to see Luna's face.

"P-princess Luna!  What brings you here?" she said nervously, desperately working a comb over her hair with magic.  Her attitude completely changed in the presence of royalty.  However, she would not move away from the door frame.

"I hear you're rather stressed over a new dress; what's it for?"

"It's my gala dress, and I've had to remake it twelve times; it never comes out right!"

"I think it looks wonderful," said Luna as she looked at the dress form inside.  The dress accompanying it was extremely elaborate, consisting of a variety of colors, folds, and jeweled, reflective, curlicues.

"You really think so?  Do you think it will impress the other ponies there?"

"Of course!  In fact, I would wear it myself if I could!"

"Well, if it's good enough for a princess, it's good enough for me!" she said excitedly.  Compliments were like cocaine to her.

"Now that that issue's out of the way, I have a request for you:  as you know, the Grand Galloping Gala is next week and I'd like you to make my dress this year."

Rarity's pupils enlarged exponentially and her lips slowly widened into a freakishly large grin.

"Couldn't... you... just... get... somepony... in... Canterlot... to... do... it...?  They're... much... more... qualified... than... me...," she said, still grinning, through her teeth.  She was using this as a "pinch" for the "pinch me, I must be dreaming" scenario.

"Well, I easily could, or I could possibly whip one up myself, since I'm quick to learn things.  But I've seen your dressmaking capabilities; each one you make compliments the personality of the pony wearing it astonishingly, which is far more than can be said for the generic Canterlot dress (which is much too stiff, by the way).  It's something you were born with-something I could never fully acquire.  Is that OK with you?"

"Yes," Rarity said through the possibly painful grin.

"I'll need it by the day of the gala, but remember one thing:  one special requirement that must be made of you, or it will screw the whole thing up.  Do you know what that is?"  Luna said in a suddenly serious voice.

"What is it?"

Luna leaned in close to Rarity's ear and whispered:  "Don't stress over it."

"Wha?" asked Rarity, returning her mouth to its normal shape.

"You always second-guess yourself, which leads to extreme stress about whether a dress is 'perfect' or not.  Just because I was born into royalty doesn't mean that everything has to be perfect for me.  On the way here, Derpy crashed into me full-force, but I wasn't mad because her flying was less than perfect.  I forgave her because I knew that there were strong updrafts in the sky tonight that can throw pegasi off-course.  The same principle applies to the dress:  I don't care whether what you make is perfect.  But I'm sure that whatever you make will be, whether you think it is or not.  That's what talents are for."

"Th-thank you, Princess Luna-I'll get started on the dress right away!"

"Maybe tomorrow.  Look at yourself," Luna said, levitating a suddenly-existing mirror in front of Rarity's face.  "You desperately need rest."

"I'm not sure if I could go to sleep now.  The excitement of this job will keep me awake."

"Let me help."

Luna poofed away the mirror and Rarity's head began to glow a deep blue, which corresponded with Luna's now-invisible horn.

"On s-*yawn*-second thought, maybe you're right," said Rarity, making uneasy, tired steps to her four-poster bed (which was now visible since Luna had tucked her head inside the room).

Rarity collapsed on her bed and began to snore obnoxiously.  Luna used her magic to pull the blanket over her body.

"Good night, Rarity," said Luna.

---

"That last memory was of Ponyville, in order to show how we usually interacted with one another.  This one is of my room at Canterlot Castle," said Luna's voice inside Marlon's head.

Marlon (Luna) was now sitting on a large four-poster bed in a massive, mostly blank room composed entirely of smooth, dark-blue stone.  The bed sheets were a deep blue, but the color swirled into black, then back to blue like a mystical oil slick.  The swirling motion seemed to continue endlessly.  To Luna's left was a large metal door with a massive wheel-locking mechanism on the front, with three thick metal bars corresponding to the confusing array of drive-bars.

As Luna looked around the room, Marlon glimpsed the massive, detailed, painting of the Equestrian moon on the black wall (which was blue a moment ago) opposite Luna's bed.  Marlon figured that the wall's color corresponded to the sky color associated with the specific time of night.

Upon closer examination, Marlon saw that the "moon" was in front of the wall.  And it lifted itself higher every few seconds.

The massive, levitating model of the moon appeared nearly identical to Earth's, but its surface bore a silhouette of a head like Luna's in its "seas."  As Luna looked out the panoramic window on the right of the bed, Marlon saw the face on the moon in all its glory, and it was definitely ominous.  The Equestrian moon appeared to be the same size as Earth's moon, but orbital distance could have been causing this effect.

Luna walked to the window and stared far below at Ponyville, which looked like a small inkblot compared to the vast forest around it and the mountains in the distance.  Her room was so high up that it mimicked a view from a plane.  She let out a sigh of appreciation as she gazed at her kingdom.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" said a sarcastic voice from Luna's left.  She whipped her head to the side to see who had spoken.

Oh... My... Fucking... God...

The creature to Luna's left was the most hideous thing Marlon had ever seen, and he was forced to slam his invisible mouth closed to stifle a scream.  Its body looked like a ten-foot-long, fuzzy, brown eel that ended in a red, spiked snake tail with a white fin, and its appendages consisted of a tiger's paw, an eagle's talon, and two legs:  one of a dragon (similar to Spike's) and one of a goat.  The appendages were in horrible condition:  the paw's ends were broken to freakish angles, the talon's claws had been turned back in on themselves or smashed backward through the skin, the dragon leg had been half-skinned, with human-like bone and muscle shining through, and the hoof was vertically pierced through the center by a large rail spike.  About three-quarters of the way up its body, the hair grew to a light sepia, and sprouted a black donkey's mane.  Its head was a perfect picture of what a pony's would look like if it had been bashed down at the nose multiple times with a sledgehammer and shoddily reassembled, making it at least two-and-a-half-feet long and horribly disfigured, with caved-in spaces covered by skin everywhere.  The head was graced by two "horns," one of a goat and the other a broken deer antler; sliced goat ears lay beneath.  Its face sported a white goatee and eyebrows, with yellow eyes, red pupils, and a twisted-back mouth with a fang-like tooth hanging out of one end.  However, one eye was only barely visible, since the front end of the skull was constantly forcing the eyelid down.

And it was levitating.

"Discord!" exclaimed Luna.

"Oh, that's marvelous, my dear; your eyesight is doing wonderfully," the creature said with a laugh, its voice imitating Tom Petty's if he had acquired stage 45 lung cancer.**  Occasional breaths formed a deep, haunting wheeze.

"What do you want?" said Luna icily.

"I just wanted to drop in and say 'Hi.'  Is that so much of a crime?"

As Discord talked, his jaw barely moved.  When his long lips opened to form words, Marlon saw his coal-black gums filled with spiky teeth jutting out from completely random angles; one was even growing out of the bottom jaw, and ran under his blood-red, human-like tongue with a small, metallic "shink" every time he moved it.  In addition, the "fang" dove into his gums with a "chok" whenever he moved his jaw enough, pulling out purple liquid every time, which settled on the tongue in a thick crust.  Marlon saw that the appendages were covered with the stuff as well, so the purple liquid was definitely Discord's blood.

"You know that I make my dream-rounds this late; what do you want?"

"I wanted to make a better acquaintance with you, and I figured that the best time to do that would be when you would be awake... which is now."

"You already have Celestia's acceptance; isn't that good enough?"

"Well, it gets lonely up in my room since I don't have much reading material, so I figured that I'd just try to get to know the other half of the royalty so that I can always have someone to talk to, see?"

"Just because Celestia decided to trust you doesn't mean I do.  Not even Fluttershy could turn you over for good."

"Will you relax, Luna?  You act as if I'm a murderer."

"Get out before I make a statue out of you!"

"Oh, playing the 'statue' card, eh?  Look, you know as well as I do that that's not a very convincing threat; I broke out that one time, didn't I?  And even if I can't break out of this one, Celestia will free me again and be furious at you.  Besides, do you even know how to turn anything into stone?"

With a blue flash, Discord's left leg was immediately encased in what appeared to be granite.

"Ooh, nice one!  Did Celestia teach you that?"

A hammer poofed into Discord's paw as he stood upright (The fact that the magical aura was red instead of blue indicated that its appearance was his doing.).  He bent down and smashed the rock with considerable force, causing it and the hammer to shatter, then transform into a fine, grey powder which he then snorted through his nose like cocaine via a straw that had just materialized.

"How hard is it for you to accept the fact that I don't want to hurt you?" he said, (painfully?) sniffing the straw into his nose with the last of the powder.

"Very.  Now leave!" said Luna as she unlocked the door with magic.

"OK, OK, you win; wouldn't want to put you in an uncomfortable situation"

The last two words were said with extreme sarcasm, made heavier by Discord's pitiful attempt to puff out his cheeks.

"But I'll find some way to win you over, you'll see."

Marlon noticed two white ponies with golden armor standing outside Luna's door, presumably guards.  He found it odd that they did not appear to notice the intruder's voice.

Discord walked out the bedroom door as Luna magically slammed it shut, twisting the massive the wheel-lock into place.

"Just to play Devil's advocate, I'm going to pretend that I can't just poof in there again," said Discord's muffled voice from outside.  An odd shuffling followed, indicating his moving away.

---

Marlon was back in the warehouse, staring at Luna.  An organ was quietly playing over the speaker system, signaling the beginning of Captain Jack.

"That's Discord?!" said Marlon in a terrified tone.

"You were expecting a big spider?" replied Luna sarcastically.

"No-something along the lines of a giant, black pony with red eyes and stuff!  That... THING looks like it came out of Tim Burton's nightmares!"

"I don't know who that is, but I'll assume he has something to do with horror stories, judging by context.

By the way, he's not quite a 'thing,' but a draconiquus, the last of his species to live on Equestria."

"How is that spelled-that 'draconikwuh-thing?'"

"D-R-A-C-O-N-I-Q-U-U-S; the translation spell also encompasses the spellings of another language."

"You should have killed him when you had the chance!"

"I wish we could have.  However, he's not an animal; he's a spirit, and can not be killed, only imprisoned.  And the only way to do that is with the Elements of Harmony."

"I don't know what those are, but how did you put his leg in stone without them?"

"His entire body must be blasted into a stone state at once, or else he will break free, as you saw in the memory.  That's where the Elements of Harmony come in:  magical tiaras so powerful that they can imprison spirits in one blast.  Even that spell I cast in the memory required a large amount of magic power."

"Why was he still on Equestria, then?"

"Before ponies evolved, the draconiquui inhabited our planet in peaceful societies.  However, their population grew too vast for the planet to handle, and they migrated into space to find a larger one.  Discord was the youngest draconiquus-only 43, and was left behind in a cave in fear that he wouldn't be able to stand the voyage.  His parents told him that they would send a message to him later about where they had settled so that he could make the journey himself.  The message never came, and it is believed that they never found a planet, but are searching to this day.  He attempted to find a planet for himself multiple times, but each attempt was unsuccessful, and he was forced to return to Equestria, since he grew bored easily and needed a definitive landscape to keep him occupied.  The beauty of space just wasn't enough for him.

Eventually, Discord went mad from loneliness, and decided that if he couldn't have a companion, no one could.  He ran rampant across Equestria, killing and torturing other life forms such as birds and insects.  His most common practice was to slowly dismember them in front of their own kind.  When ponies evolved, he saw their peaceful ways of life and began to devise plans to kill them all at once.  Bashed his head down with a boulder and shoddily reassembled it to make himself more frightening.  Ate all sorts of abrasive things like sand, rocks, and the like to make his voice scarier."

"But insects and birds aren't fully sentient; they operate off of instinct.  Why would torturing them satisfy him that much?  By the way, why do our planets have so many animals in common?  Did there just so happen to be a one-in-a-billion evolutionary cycle duplication?"

"On Equestria, all animals are completely sentient, but only some can talk.  We know this because we can access their full memories, and their thoughts read in our language, indicating that they have learned it over the years by living alongside us.  And yes, to answer your question, but judging by the size and infinite expansion of the universe, it's not surprising that two worlds have similar evolutionary cycles."

"So what were his plans, if you don't mind me asking?"

Marlon's tone was still tense.  He wondered to himself why he was pressing on for more of a back story.

"His first plan was to kill ponies by causing their heads to implode, but my sister end I encased him in stone before he could do much damage.  However, after thousands of years, he somehow broke himself out of the stone shell and began his second evil plan, which was to magically turn ponies against each other, in hopes that we would kill off our own kind.  He was defeated again, but this time he was completely turned into stone:  bones, muscles, and all.  Eventually, my sister freed him and attempted to change his ways via Fluttershy's compassion.  Over time, her kindness seemed to influence him for the better, but I knew he hadn't changed at all.  Celestia trusted him, however, and let him stay in the castle for many months, but a guard warned her of his third plan; while walking by Discord's room, the guard had heard him mumbling to himself about it."

(But Captain Jack will get you high tonight... and take you to your special island...)

As Marlon listened to Luna's story, he slowly calmed himself down from his wrenching fear.  He rolled his head through his hands and said, "How do you know so much about him?"

"Some of our more intrepid explorers decided to break into his cave lair one day to copy down his journals.  It's a miracle they weren't killed."

Marlon slumped back in his chair and listened to the song for a full minute, hoping he would calm down even further.  Luna stared at him understandingly.

"Can't you just cast another one of those anti-fear spells on me?  Thanks to that... thing, I'm all shook up.

"I'm not sure if that would work-you may very well have been immune to the hypnosis blast, and an anti-fear spell lies within the same category."

"You made me fall asleep, right?  I wasn't immune to that."

"Different type of spell.  Like the electromagnetic spectrum, there are different types, or frequencies, of magic, and anti-fear and anti-hostility spells operate on the same frequency."

"Can't you at least try?"

"I'm performing enough magic as it is, what with the cloning, time manipulation, and memory access.  Any more would cause me to actually work at it."

Marlon sat back and looked up at the ceiling and concentrated heavily on the music.  

(But Captain Jack will get you high tonight...)

"The music is soothing you rather well.  I must remember to access it more in my nightmare prevention."

"How long was I in there?" Marlon asked, still reclined.  His tension had nearly disappeared.

"Just long enough for that last song to end and for this one to start.  Time also passes slowly in the memories due to another spell I used.  Let me add that your mind does have quite the variety of music."

"What is it with all this time manipulation?  Is it all necessary?"

"Probably not, but I prefer to talk to the dreamer for as long as possible in order to figure out what their problems are, or in your case, who you really are."

"Wouldn't you know who I am already?  Couldn't you have just listened in to the TV interview and gauged my personality?"

"That didn't tell much about you, did it?"

"Well, what is there to tell?  I like to appeal to people's emotions....  I have a soft spot for cute things....  I have trouble discussing sex, but no trouble having it....  That's about all.  Why would you need to know more?"

"Because if you're the leader of your... country is it?"

"Yes, but the other two branches have a role in it, too.  I don't have absolute power."

"...the leader of your country, I think it's a good idea to know more about you so we can relate more closely with one another-you know, to build mutual trust."

"Well....  OK.  I guess I can tell a bit more."

Conversation calms me down.

"Thank you.  Celestia knows the basics about you, but I prefer to dive into true personalities."

"I can see that.  Before we start this new subject, can I ask you a few questions about that first memory?"

"Go ahead."

"Why does Equestria look like Victorian England?"

"That was only Ponyville; the whole planet doesn't look like that.  And to answer your question, I don't know what Victorian England is, but it must be another coincidence, like the evolutionary cycles.  We build our buildings out of steel and bricks, but we find wood to be more welcoming."

"Next question:  who is Sweetie Belle exactly?"

"She's Rarity's sister-only 11.  She's not much like her sister in that she doesn't obsess over fashion, but she has a beautiful singing voice.  She could probably sing the song playing right now with phenomenal tonal accuracy.  You'll meet her eventually."

Marlon found it odd to imagine a child-like alien singing a song about heroin, especially with that voice.  He began to snicker quietly.

"I don't blame you for that reaction, but her voice never squeaks when she sings.  You'll be quite impressed if you ever hear her."

"I'm sure I will," said Marlon, letting the laugh wither away.

"Anything else about the memories?"

"Well, I was originally going to ask about Sweetie's reference to coffee, but then I remembered the evolutionary similarities.  So let me just ask this:  why does your moon have that shape on it?"

Luna stared at him as if he had said nothing.

"What shape?" she said obliviously.

"In the dark spots on the moon (we call them 'mare***,' or 'seas')-"

Wait... 'mare' is spelled like 'mare,' a.k.a. a female horse....  The fuck is with all these puns?

"-there was a shape of a unicorn, kinda like... kinda like you."

"Is it supposed to have another shape?  I always considered that part of the moon itself."

"Our moon has a distorted face, if you look at it the right way.  But yours is so well defined.  Why is that?"

"Meteors hit the moon in a certain way to give it that shape.  What else could it be?"

Marlon knew that she was hiding the real reason; he was phenomenally talented at picking up vibes from other people and sensing their emotions, and this was no exception, even though the second party was an alien.  He noticed a microscopic hint of discomfort in her voice, which completely gave her away.  Not including the fact that she denied the existence of a shape in the first place; she wasn't blind.

He decided not to call out her lie just yet, but ease her into admitting the reason.  This would let her know that he was quick to analyze a situation, and that he had a level of patience.

"It could very well have been meteors, but the resemblance to a pony is astounding.  Must have been a hell of a coincidence that meteors crashed into the moon to make an astoundingly accurate silhouette of a pony who definitely resembles you.  It was a coincidence that meteors hit our moon in a certain pattern, but the resemblance to a human face is extremely vague."

"Why are you so obsessed with how a moon looks?"

The discomfort grew ever so slightly.

"Because it's so perfect.  I can buy the evolutionary stuff, but why would somebody put a picture of themselves on the moon?"

"Be-"

Marlon grinned smugly.

"You're not that much different from us-your brain, under the tension of lying, failed to notice that I dove deeper into the subject.  I know Celestia wouldn't have anything to do with the moon, since you're the princess of the night, and the fact that it's your silhouette makes it even clearer."

Luna stared at him with massive pupils and a large amount of surprise.

"What's the story, Morning Glory?"

"Morning Glory?"

"It's a reference to a song."

"Why would you want to know?  It doesn't matter anymore."

"Because you avoided it, yet you brought up a memory where I could see it."

"I just wanted to show you Discord so you could understand our predicament.  I didn't think you would pay attention to the moon."  Her voice was sad and guilty.

"Are you sure about that?"

She stared at him sadly until I Guess That's Why They Call It 'The Blues' began.

How apt.

"No.  If you must know....  I knew you would notice it; you're not blind.  I... wanted someone... to maybe... understand.  To not hate me for my past."

"Does this have something to do with that thing you didn't want to talk about earlier?"

"Y-yes."  Her face was now resting on her foreleg, looking truly pitiful.  She looked ready to cry.

"I've got time, if you'd like."

"I... don't know where to begin."

"Well, how did the shape get there?  Lasers?  Tires...?"

"Hooves.  I walked across the moon to make it.  Took a while, too, since our moon is about half the size of our planet."

"OK, let's get to why you were up there."

"My sister trapped me there for... a thousand years with an invisible forcefield."

"Why would she do something like that?  Sounds pretty drastic."

"Drastic actions were necessary...."

"Any idea why?"

(And I guess that's why they call it 'the blues.'  Time on my hands could be time spent with you....)

Marlon heard small splashing sounds coming at regular intervals; something like a leaky pipe.  He looked down at the floor and saw water slowly accumulating under Luna's face.  She emitted a small sound, lower than Fluttershy's, but still high enough to be considered a "squeak."

"Because I was a m... m... m-m-m"

"M-what?"

(And I guess that's why they call it 'the blues.')

"MURDERER!" she said loudly, the last "R" giving way to a mighty blast of tears onto the floor.  Her sobs were far heavier and louder than Fluttershy's, reflecting far heavier emotional pain.  Marlon silently debated with himself whether or not he should use the same method he did on Fluttershy.

Luna's horn began to glow as she stood up, and Marlon saw that his legs were painlessly stretching out, making him at least a foot taller.  His body began to glow, and he was lifted out of his seat into a standing position.  Luna wrapped her forelegs around him and rested her head on his left shoulder, as Fluttershy had done.  He was immediately drenched by tears.

"I was jealous of ponies' appreciation for the day instead of the night!  I gave horrible nightmares to force them to stay awake at night!  Lack of sleep killed f-f-FIFTY!!  Twenty more went insane!  Killed THEMSELVES!"

Marlon could sense the bottomless guilt she felt.  It was good that the guilt existed so that she wouldn't try it again.

"Y-you don't know what it's like to be alone for a millennium!"

"Awww.  There, there, let it all out," he said as he began to rub her neck, noticing how light she was against him.

Please fix my mom's brain!

"And then feared by every pony you know!  They still afraid of me deep down!"

She squeezed him in a death-grip; he was barely able to breathe.

"I'm not afraid of you," said Marlon sympathetically with what air he could muster.  "That was a long time ago; you're not like that anymore."

Heavier tears now.  Tighter grip.

"You don't know how long it's been since I've heard that!"

(And I guess that's why they call it the blues.  Time on my hands could be time spent with you....)

It continued for quite some time, until the song ended and her eyes ran dry.  Marlon looked as if he had been blasted with a fire hose.  Overhead, the melancholy riffs of Brothers in Arms began.

Are these songs starting to match my emotions?

"I'm s-sorry you had to see me this way."

"You're a leader of your people, and it's hard to show a lot of heavy emotion in public; I get it.  Besides, didn't it feel good to get that out of your system?"

"Yes.  I suppose it did."  She continued to embrace Marlon for a few minutes, then returned him to normal size.  She sat down on the couch again.

It was one of the saddest things Marlon had ever witnessed:  Luna was so desperate for someone to forget her past-to admit that he wasn't afraid, that she trusted him on the first day (technically second, since it was in the a.m.).

"Look, if it makes you feel better, I don't have the best backstory either.  My mom was certifiably insane and my dad didn't care much for me.  He left my mom and she eventually killed herself."

Had Marlon's air of sympathy been absent, he never would have told her the story.  He could not bear to see Luna this way.

"Does that have something to do with your aversion to sex discussion?"

Marlon thought about whether he should answer.  Then again, she seemed to trust him enough.  Why not trust her?  He had kept it low for so long; maybe she could really help.

"M... my mom hated it; never let my dad do her.  I can sort of understand why the poor bastard left.  Anyway, she decided to impose that sort of philosophy on me, and never let me know it existed.  Of course, I knew all about it from the kids at school, but whenever I would ask her about it, she would try to beat me up; she was a strong one, too.  Once came at me with a knife for asking what masturbation was; had to knock her unconscious with a bat-only thing i could do."

The words easily spilled from Marlon's mouth.  He was secretly delighted to have someone actually listen.

It's been so long....

"Called the cops; they didn't buy it; thought I had gone crazy 'cause my mom was a good actor-acted like nothing happened when they came around.  When she caught me actually masturbating, she hit me with a spatula (I know it sounds funny, but for one, it was the only thing she could find, and two, those things can really pack a punch.) and attempted to kick my nuts.  Luckily I was faster.  Punched my sister when she had her menarche, but I don't expect you to know what that is.  

I know it's a stupid habit to keep, but something in the back of my mind still keeps me from wanting to discuss it; I'm scared somebody will hurt me.  However, doing it is OK; it can be done in secret.  I decided to break away from my mom and do it like a madman when I got older.  Had to prove her wrong.  Gave me the constant sex drive of a teenage guy, too.  That's the one good thing that came out of this."

Luna stared with even more surprise than she had before.

"Interesting," she murmured under her breath.

"But don't tell anybody; I don't normally discuss why I have these problems.  In fact, I'm just doing it now so that you won't feel so alone."

Like a bat out of Hell, I'll be gone when the morning comes, thought Marlon among Mark Knopfler's low riffs.

"Don't worry.  You're safe within your dreams....  And with me."  Her eyes were still wide.  "So that's why you had an erection when Pinkie kissed you.  I guess any female contact like that will do the job; your brain doesn't care what species it is, as long as it's anthropomorphic."

Now it was Marlon's turn to have wide eyes.

Doesn't mean I'm a fucking furry.

"I could hear the interview through the walls, and could sense your arousal."

"Then why did you say you hoped the interview went well if you know what happened?  You knew when sundown was, so you must have looked through the walls, too."

"I didn't see all of the interview, since I was just waking up at the time, but I have a special ability to sense sexual arousal."

"What's the purpose of that?"  

"I use it for detecting wet dreams."

"Why would you want to see those?"

"On Equestria, we weren't very open about sex either, and some teenage ponies felt guilty when they had them.  Of course, it's my job to calm their nerves."

"You seem like a good psychologist-I'm sure they weren't uncomfortable for long."

"No, they certainly weren't...."

I heard an ellipsis there.

"I can help you work on that problem, if you'd like.  It's what I do all the time," Luna said sympathetically, wiping the last tear remnant from her eye with her foreleg.  "Besides, it's a great trust building exercise."

Marlon considered for a moment.

"I'm... not sure.  I've gone twenty years without discussing it in depth with anyone except my doctor, and don't think I liked that."

"You'll feel so much better.  You can finally lift that weight off your back."

"Sure, it sounds nice, but I'm not sure where to begin.  You know my story, so how would this start off?"

"You can start by pretending you're a teacher, and I'm a student.  You're doing a lesson on human anatomy.  What would you say?"

"Uh... I... I don't know.  Th-there's a guy... and a girl... and they... uh... have sex.  What else is there?"

His voice was an involuntary whisper.  He knew that the facts had to come out and that he looked rather stupid doing this, but his throat would not comply.  In addition, his vision became dark and blurry, as if his eyes were attempting to shield themselves from whatever punishment awaited.

"What do you call the male reproductive organ?"

"A p... p... penis."

"Good.  Now what's the female one?"

"A v... vagina."

"So what happens next?"

"Nothing.  Those are the pieces, just like you asked."

Marlon's tone was heightening in nervousness.

"You know what I mean.  What do they... do?"

"You know full well what they do.  Celestia did some telepathy thing on me and told me how you... conduct... intercourse.  Just the same as us."  Marlon was beginning to sweat under the tension of being put on the spot.  "Is the a/c on in here?  'Cause it could use some turnin' up."

"I must admit, you were not cut out to be a teacher, if this is how you give lectures.  OK, here's a better exercise:  I'll say a word, and you say the first one that comes to mind."

"You actually do that?  I didn't think that test worked."

"Word association can reveal quite a few things about a personality.  Penis."

"OK, I'll try it.  Veins," Marlon said, slightly amused that basic psychology methods were universal.

"Vagina."

"Lips."

"Slide."

"Metal."

"Thrust."

"Rocket."

"Come."

"Go."

"Ejaculate."

"...white..."

"Semen."

"Navy."

"Butt."

"Hole."

"Insert."

"Key."

"Interesting.  Your mind automatically diverts from the sexual response, except for the body parts."

"Well, when I'm being put on the spot, of course that'll be the case."

"Indeed.  But you did seem to have an easier time reacting to 'penis' and 'vagina.'"

"So is that it?"

"Question:  Are you able to talk about it when you're actually having sex with women?"

Marlon had never considered it before; he rarely spoke while having sex; he just let fly and let her make the noises.

"No, I guess I don't.  I've never thought about it before."

"I have an idea, but it's a little odd.  It may make you more open to discussion, though."

"What does it require on my part?"

"Close your eyes firmly."

"Why?"  Marlon said skeptically.

"Because I'll try another association exercise, and it may work better if your brain doesn't see me here to put you on the spot."

"But I'll know you're here."

"Your brain might think otherwise, though.  Your consciousness can be influenced by your subconscious mind.  Just remember to keep your eyes closed until I tell you to open them."

"O... K.  I'll do it," Marlon said as he closed his eyes.  He knew what would happen.  Luna would do something weird.  Whether it would be sucking his dick, beating him off, or otherwise, he couldn't tell.  Pinkie's kiss was oddly arousing, but having all-out sex with an alien was going too far.   There could be bizarre diseases hiding in her nether regions, and he would be labeled as "Richard the Alien Fucker" if caught in the act.  Then again, this was a dream, so he was safe....

No!  It couldn't be done!  But maybe this actually was just an exercise and nothing would happen down there.

He could feel Luna's warm, flat, smooth hoof touching his right cheek.  It was firm like (a hand?).

"How do you feel?"

"Relaxed.  This chair is nice and comfy."

The hoof made small circles on his cheek.

"How about now?  Anything... happening?"

"Nope.  Just sitting here."

The hoof receded and another found his left cheek.

"Nice and warm, eh?"

"Yeah.  Feels soothing."

The hoof receded.  Marlon could then feel breathing on his face, which smelled like summer night air.  Pleasant.

Just an exercise.  Just an exercise.

"Now?  Feeling different?"

"I feel breathing, if that's what you want to know.  Smells nice-reminds me of summer."

"Indeed.  Summery."

Marlon could feel lips lock on to his, and he instinctively locked back.  Two arms held his back to pull him forward.  A human-like tongue slipped into his mouth to feel around, and he instinctively returned the favor.  The opposite mouth tasted like nothing, but was warm, wet, and welcoming.  Like an old (girlfriend's?  Which one?).

The lips embraced his for a considerable time, then withdrew and a voice said, "And now?"

Why am I doing this?  What should I say?

"Gi... give me some more."

Didn't even have to think about that one.

The kissing resumed for two more minutes, the wet sound of lips advancing and withdrawing echoed in Marlon's head.  As they retracted fully, Marlon noticed that someone had replaced his penis with a brick of titanium.  The metallic substance was being handled by the hoof.

"Ah, that did the trick.  What do you think of that?"

"I think you did a pretty good job."

"Try this on for size."

After a few seconds, Marlon felt a large, round, cleaved surface on his face, pressing ever harder by the second.  He could have sworn he smelled-

Chocolate?

Oh dear God, it was happening.  He knew exactly what his face was pressed against-that chocolate smell could have only come from one place.  He knew he had to open his eyes-push her away.

But she can cure you if you get anything.

The thought rose from the back of his mind, and he knew immediately that this could be his private paradise.  No one could find him.  He could do whatever he wanted.  It didn't even matter that Luna was an alien; she had human parts down there!  He could never get her pregnant, since he was of a different species; he would leave no trace.  No one would ever know.

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME?!?

"What do you want now?"

Should I tell her?

"I wanna open my eyes so I can see that nice p... pussy of yours."

It could have been due to the world's most ironic erection, or the fact that no woman had ever asked him this stuff during foreplay before, but his voice reflected his thoughts perfectly.  How long had it been since this had happened?

30 years?****

"After that?"

"Shove my tongue in it.  Then I'll try for your asshole-maybe it really does taste like chocolate."

"Do you wanna fuck me?"

"Oh yes.  Nice and hard.  Wanna dive deep into that tight hole of yours and make you cum right in my mouth.  What do you say to that, huh?"

"Sounds nice, but could you tell me more?  I'm feeling reallyhorny right now."

"Shove my dick in nice and easy, then go back and forth-back and forth.  Hopefully you'll cum before me so I can drink it-every last drop.  Then I can dive in your asshole and blow my load in it.  Then you can use some spell on me to ready me up again."

"Open your eyes."

Marlon did as he was told, and was pleasantly surprised.

Luna's tail was turned to the right side, and as he retreated from the round, firm cheeks, he could see her face staring back at him dreamily from the left.  When he returned his eyes to their original positions, he found himself staring down the elongated vulva and the large, fragrant butt hole.  Her two hind legs were resting on the arms of his chair, while her couch supported the rest of her body; she had moved it closer.

"You're getting better.  Don't worry.  I'm clean, and you can't get me pregnant or infect me.  Now carry it out, would you?  You don't know how long it's been."

My thoughts exactly.  Music to my ears.

Marlon knew what he had done:  he had just spoken sexually directly in front of Luna.  His inability to see her, combined with his arousal, let him verbally express his desires to her.  The next step would be working on doing it while flaccid, but this gave him a huge confidence boost.

This must be what she does for those teenagers.  Obviously a nymphomaniac.

"What happens to my jizz?  Will I let it out in the bed?"

"No.  You're not bound to your body anymore-only your mind.  It will continue its normal sleeping functions, but everything that happens here has no repercussions elsewhere.  Now dive in; what are you waiting for?"  Luna's tone was anxious, as if she had not been fucked in years.  "Actually, wait.  This will help."

Marlon withdrew his head to find that his legs were growing larger as they had before.

"You might want to get rid of your pants for this next step."

He wriggled out of his boxers and underwear, as his penis glowed blue and increased to a new size:  two inches in width and nine inches long.  Each ball now had a two-inch diameter within his massive scrotum.  Seeing this made him remember-

The pen!  The pen was blue!  Had... had she thought it up?  Have to ask her later.

The thought was soon relocated to the back of his mind for future reference.  For now....

It was her idea, after all.  I'm just playing along....  I'm not about to have sex with an extraterrestrial horse-thing.  It's anthropomorphic....  Oh, why does she have to be so human-like?

His horny brain could try to justify it forever, but there was no denying:  his cock was hard, and an anthropomorphic horse-thing wanted to get it.  Two leaders were about to exchange fluids.

May as well give her what she came for.

Luna's inner vagina held a vague taste of skin, but otherwise was tasteless, like her mouth.  Also like her mouth, it was wet, warm, and inviting.  Her fluids, however, tasted like sugar-water.  He inserted his tongue as far as it would go, savoring every drop of her juices as he sucked and licked and sucked again, pulling her closer with force.  She began to accept his mighty cock into her mouth, first by fondling the head with her tongue, then by using her lips to cover the process.  The appendage showed no sign of softness.  In fact, it was harder than his normal one ever could have been, even as a teenager.

He inserted his right pinky into her ass hole and was astonished at the tightness.  He decided to let his tongue try it, if it indeed was chocolate.

Aw, what the Hell.  It's a dream, right?

His tongue would not go in flat-only rolled up; the hole required much firmness to be penetrated.  A rich, milk-chocolate flavor coated his tongue.

It's real!

He then withdrew his brown tongue and began to rim and suck the hole with vigor, wrapping his arms under her legs and up to her butt cheeks to push it harder against his face.  Lady juice dripped out onto his chest, which he used his finger to collect and drink.

"Hold up, I want to try something.  Stick your tongue out and roll it up, will you?" said Luna expectantly.

He did so, and saw her butt rocking back and forth on his tongue, using it to penetrate her, his nose diving into the ass crack each time.

"Mmmmphh," said Luna quietly.  "Don't worry.  All my stuff's harmless."

After a solid minute of tongue-play, she turned to him and said, "Shove it in me, Richard.  Please.  Just position me however you'd like."  Her voice was slightly exhausted, but excited at the same time.

Well, I'm gonna do it.  No point in turning back now.

He positioned her above his member, facing away from him.

"This one's called 'the Reverse Cowgirl:'  one of my... personal favorites," Marlon said.  "Now bounce up and down a little."

She lowered onto the penis using her body weight to overcome the intense tightness.  Marlon wondered how long he would last; this was better than any girl he had ever had.  She eventually was able to rest her cheeks on his hips, and began to move her rear in small circles, rubbing his lower body warmly.  Her tail moved over to lay on his chest, and he was surprised at what he felt.

Nothing.

The tail had no texture.  He moved his hand to touch it, but it went right through as if through air.  However, he did begin to notice that the area it covered was slightly warmer than the room.

Luna began to slowly move up and down, her juices functioning as a hot lubricant.  Her orifice held a death-grip on Marlon's re-sized appendage, and he felt close to ejaculating after four thrusts.

"I think I'm gonna splooge."

"Oh, come on. You can go for longer than that," said Luna as Marlon's penis glowed blue again.  The urge to splooge was alleviated, as he felt as if he had just started.

"Thanks.  I needed that."

Luna began to let gravity pull her large body back down each time, resulting in pounding thrusts.  Marlon could feel his tongue beginning to hang out of his mouth.  She eventually stopped dead and lifted off, placing her sphincter over the wet rod.  She dropped down with full force, sending Marlon into the tightest hole he had ever been in.

"OH DEAR GOD!!" he exclaimed.  "I'm not sure how long I'll go for in here!"

"As long as you'd like," she said.  She began to rub and twist around at the base as she had done before, then pounded her ass on his cock repeatedly.  Up and down again and again with force easily described as deadly.  If it weren't for his magic, blue-glowing penis, he would have jizzed upon insertion.  He grabbed her cheeks for support, resting the palms on the white moon-shapes on each side in their black blotches.  With his added hand-power, the experience became more heavenly and more unbearable at the same time.

"OK, seriously.  I'm going to let fly!"

"Come on-just one more position?  Please?"

The blue glow around his cock was of a deeper shade, having an increased magical effect.  She stopped and turned her head to him.

"Try this one," she said as she lifted off and positioned herself on the ground, face down and ass up.  Doggy style.  Or anthropomorphic horse thing-y style.

Marlon got up and began to slap her cheeks with the sepia-stained cock, then grabbed her cheeks and slammed it past the vulva.

"OOHH!" Luna said loudly.

As he rocked back and forth, pulling her ass back to meet his hips each time, her moans became greater.

"OOOOOOHHHH!  Oh!  Oh!  OOOhhhh!  WhooAAHHH!!"

"BUST IT IN MY ASS!!  GO!  GO!  GOOO!!!" she screamed.  Marlon dove his dick into the sphincter, having to pull her ass back to get it in at all.  He began to thrust forcefully and slowly, like a pile driver, and the glowing around his penis stopped.  He felt the orgasm coming from the base of the dick, and he knew to brace himself.

"OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH YYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEESSSSSSSS!!!!!!!" screamed Luna.

Marlon's eyes crossed and his tongue hung out, unable to speak or even moan at what followed.

He was graced with the hottest, heaviest orgasm he had ever felt.  He thrust himself in forcefully to help it out, which made the feeling all the more great.  He felt as if someone had taken the world's strongest vise grip and applied it to his forelegs, cranking it to a full clamp.  Like a volcano, he let out the mightiest blast of semen he had ever emitted, and the clamping lasted for more than a minute, growing stronger with every second.  His mind was screaming for it to stop, but his penis thought otherwise.  With each thrust, a hose-worth of jizz came along.  Luna began to scream again as her anus tightened even more, and a downpour of watery juice fell from her vulva with a huge splash on the floor, as if dumped from a bucket.

"ONE MORE TIME!" she screamed as both their parts glowed blue.  "Quick!  Get under me!"

Marlon dropped down so that they were in a 69 position.  Luna rested herself on top of him, her legs folded on the ground for support.  Once again, the violent urge came as they sucked the opposing genitalia.

"AAAAAACCCCCHHHHHH!!!!" screamed Luna as Marlon set his lips around her vaginal opening (Fortunately, the jizz was cleaned out by the magic.).  The hot, sugary liquid spewed forth into his mouth and onto his face as her legs contracted and began to squeeze his head.  The vise grip ensued upon him, and Luna's cheeks puffed out in an attempt to hold the massive volume of white gel.  Some dripped from her mouth onto Marlon's balls.  She stared back at him, and with a massive gulp, swallowed the whole lot of it.  He did the same with hers, relishing every drop as it filled his stomach.  She quickly turned around and made her mouth glow, which eliminated the residue from her lips and mouth.  She lay on top of him and tongue-kissed him, placing his penis in her vagina until his boner departed.  They rolled on the floor and cherished each others' body heat for what seemed like hours, until Luna said, "I hope I'll see you tomorrow night, Richard."

"I think our races will get along just fine."

They continued to kiss.