The Pain of Celestial Immortality

by Songbrony

First published 11th of March, 2013

Princess Celestia has been alive for more than 1000 years. She's seen her family and friends all die while she and her sister live on. There is a way, however, that could save the one pony she cares most about.

Princess Celestia has been alive for more than 1000 years. She's seen her family and friends all die while she and her sister live on. All of the ponies she has loved have died while she remains ageless. There is a way, however, that could save the one pony she cares most about.

Immortality

Many assume that being a god like being would be one of the greatest achievements that a pony could accomplish. However, it leads to a sad life of loss. No matter who we meet in this life, all must end at some time. But, alas, that is not how it is for those of us who live for time eternal.

I've lost my family, who were with me before the founding of Equestria. They watched over me, taught me how to be a proper mare. But when my sister and I began to fight off the evils of the land, our parents knew there was more to our destinies than what met the eye. Neither me nor my sister remember how it occurred, only that we are now immortal, living strong while those around us whither and die.

I had a number of ponies who I have loved, some as friends, and some as more. But all things must come to an end. Except for me. I am eternal, destined to watch the world around me change and the ponies grow old and frail. I grow old, yet stay young. The sadness of watching my family die, wishing I could join them in death, yet that can't happen. I am needed here, to help protect the ponies around me, and help them grow.

My student, Twilight Sparkle, is the only pony I love who I would do anything for. Yet I know that her time here will end, along with that of her friends. The time she spends here, should be spent as an honest, hard working, and strong hearted pony. She's like a second sister to me. If I lose her, it'll be as if I lost my family all over again. She will be there for Equestria in its time of need. I will help her understand her journey and her place in this world, so that one day she may be able to take over, if I am ever able to find a way to end this torment known as immortality. And if I cannot end it, then I will at least make sure that I can still have my family with me.

I stood on my balcony, staring out to Equestria. It's been 2000 years since I was born, and I've seen so much happen in that time. The rise of Sombra, Discord, Nightmare Moon, and countless others. I watch my sister's moon begin it's descent from the sky. I begin to cast my spell that shall raise the sun once her moon has passed the horizon.

From all that I can remember, Luna and I had been ordinary Unicorns before we became what we are today. One day, Luna and I had been experimenting with magic from an old black book. A number of the spells had yet to be completed, so we decided to give it a shot ourselves. I completed one of the spells and blacked out. When I woke up, Luna was passed out next to me as well and had wings on her back. I jumped and shook her awake. When she saw me, she realized I had wings too. We had just made new magic, the magic of the cosmos. It was from that point on that it became our responsibility to watch over Equestria.

We didn't become rulers of Equestria from the start, though. At first it was just something as simple as defending ponies from Discord. Then it progressed to protecting an empire. Eventually, we were elected to protect Equestria and rule over it. We've been doing that ever since.

After the sun rose from the horizon, I walked over to my desk and looked at my reflection. I have yet to age since that day with my mane being the only part of me that continues to grow. I run a brush through it to remove the tangles from my restless sleep. I could put a spell on it so it always remained straight, but the brushing reminds me of the days before I had this burden. I grit my teeth as I got caught up on a few knots. There's a sudden rip and I see a clump of my mane is stuck on the brush. "Well, I guess not every part of me is immortal." I say to myself.

I should stop pointing out all the negatives of immortality. A positive of it is that I'll always keep my young looks. I finish my mane and put on my royal crown. My mother made it for me millenniums ago. She always said that I was like a princess and that Luna and I were meant for something more than any other Unicorn. It looks like she is right.

"Hurry up, sister! Thou must complete thy duties for the day." Luna said to me. She let out a yawn as she headed to her room. She doesn't feel the same as I do about her immortality. She has come to terms with it and is able to understand the beauty of the gift. I have yet to see that. I know the troubles that those who live their lives with an end go through and I know their suffering will end at some point. I've lost too many loved ones and am still suffering from their passing to see the happiness in immortality.

There is something I cling to though. One small light in my saddening existence. Twilight Sparkle, my most faithful student. She hasn't let me down and I consider her as close of a sister to me as Luna. But I know what must come to pass. She will die and I will live on to see her children live their lives, and their children live their lives, while I stay the same as I am today. But perhaps her passing will be a good thing. She won't have to see all of her friends die while she lives on or know that somepony she loves will die while she continues on. I can be happy that she will have an end and won't suffer what I suffer. But I don't know if I can go through with seeing another pony so close to me die...

Perhaps...there is a different way for me to keep my student with me. A way that would allow her to live with me forever and always have somepony who understands her suffering. Perhaps...

A Possibility?

"You mustn't be serious sister? Thou must know it isn't possible. What happened to us was something special and shalt not occur for a long time." Luna said, trying to discourage me. I told her what I wanted to happen, and she clearly did not agree with me. "Is that why you wanted her to go to the Empire with only her friends to guide her?"

"Yes. She controls powerful magic. It's magic that, like Cadance's, could potentially unite all the kingdoms in the world." I said, trying to explain my reasoning.

"But sister, there is no possible way of her being able to-" I cut her off.

"Must I remind you of what happened to us? And that of Cadance?" I inquired.

She sighed. "Celestia, there aren't many forms of magic left to discover and create. Think about it. We control the cosmos, Cadance controls Love, and Discord controlled chaos before his transformation." she pointed out. "I doubt there are anymore harmonious magics left to discover."

"Don't tell me about Discord's change. I know full well the ramifications it had on me- on us." I said. "Star Swirl was on the verge of discovering the last magic of harmony before..." I couldn't finish the statement. I should explain the meaning of chaos being a part of the harmonic magics. You see, chaos has and will always be around to trouble ponies. But only if it goes uncontrolled and unchecked. Star Swirl had figured out a way to harness that chaos and to keep it under his control, that way the world wouldn't have to worry about it. But chaos takes a lot of energy to control and once you have it in your possession, it becomes a part of you. If one loses control of that power, it corrupts them.

"And he failed. Because it does not exist. I'm sorry, sister. But your hope to keep Twilight around so you don't have to be alone is futile." Luna said. "And remember. You aren't alone. I've lost just as many family members and loved ones as you have." With that, she walked out of the room so she could survey the night, as was her duty.

I wanted to send Twilight to Saddle Arabia, in hopes that she could prepare herself in foreign relations. Maybe Luna was right. Maybe all I am doing is fruitless. Am I wanting too much? Is my desires of keeping Twilight with me selfish? I drove the thoughts out of my head with a quick meditation technique that Star Swirl had taught me.

I refocused myself on the task at hoof. I had a delegation meeting I had to attend in Saddle Arabia. In all retrospect, sending Twilight may not be the best idea. She's never been there and reading books can only do so much for you if you don't know the informal customs and courtesies. I'll let her stay in Ponyville and work on the entertainment. For some reason, Luna's comment about Discord had me thinking about him.

I thought back 1000 years ago. Star Swirl and I were having a picnic together. He was bragging about finding a new form of magic, one more powerful than all of ours combined. When I inquired further, he said that if he could harness it, or come to understand it, he could give Equestria true harmony.

Upon hearing this, I was excited to tell Luna about it. But she met me with her own grave news. "I stopped by his office today to see if I could borrow one of his Astronomy books. When I discovered he wasn't there, I figured I could find it on my own." she said as she lowered her head. "Tia, I don't think we should allow him to continue his studies."

"What do you mean? He's telling me how he's close to giving Equestria true harmony. He thinks he's found the last part of the harmonic magics." I said. "What could he possibly be doing that could make you believe he shouldn't continue in his studies?"

"Follow me. The only way you'll believe me about him is if you see it yourself." she said. I followed her to his office on the far side of the castle. We walked in and it looked like a normal office.

"Luna, mind telling me exactly what I'm supposed to be looking at?" I asked.

"Go to the bookshelf and pull the fourth book on the second bottom row." she instructed.

I decided to humor her and play along. I did as she said, but when I pulled on the book, it sounded as if a lever was being pulled. A wall to the right opened up and had a staircase leading down. I looked at my sister, who just nodded for me to venture down. I walked down the spiral staircase and found a table that had incantations written on papers along the tables.

"What in Equestria..." I said as I looked around. There were drawings of a toad with rabbit ears and a dog with bat wings. A curtain was hanging on one side of the room. I heard moaning coming from the other side and slowly pulled the curtain back. I gasped in fright by what I saw.

Ponies were trapped in cages with horrid disfigurations on them. A green mare with a yellow mane had a beak and talons while the stallion next to her had dragon eyes and sharp teeth of a Timberwolf. There was a commotion upstairs and a loud thud. I hid behind a column that held the basement up. Star Swirl walked down the stairs and looked around the room.

"Celestia, please. Come out. I know you're down here, but I can explain everything." he said. I slowly began to show myself from behind the column. He noticed me and smiled gratefully.

"Swirly...what is this?" I said as I motioned around with my hoof.

"It's transfiguration. Or, more accurately, the study of its effects. You see, being the ruler of chaos has kept me from making many friends. You and Luna are the only friends I really have. But the name "Ruler of Chaos" seems to put many ponies on edge. I had to figure out a way to see if I could change my entire appearance and make it possible for me to make friends." he explained.

"But what about your findings about the last harmonic magic? What about that?" I asked.

"In order for me to find that out, I need to be able to make friends. It's the only way the spell will work."

"But you're going about this the wrong way-" he cut me off.

"No. I've completed the work on transfiguration. Soon, I'll be able to change what I look like at will and be able to make as many friends as I want. No pony will recognize me as Star Swirl, the ruler of chaos. I could be anypony. Or any creature." he said.

I looked away from him. I was ashamed. He experimented on ponies, his own species, just so he could make a couple of friends. I turned from him and began to walk up the stairs. "Don't worry Celestia. Tomorrow you will see my new ability and how I can finally bring about true harmony in Equestria."

However, when the next day came, he wasn't Star Swirl the Bearded anymore. He had left us in a fury and ran off to cause chaos around the world. My sister tried to convince me that we needed to defeat him, but I was wary of it. I knew that the real Star Swirl was somewhere inside. I was reluctant to fight him, in hopes that he might remember who he was.

Alas, the time came where I had to decide when enough was enough. We went out with the elements of harmony and turned him into stone. I cried for months because I knew I had just condemned him to life eternal in stone.

I returned from my flashback with a sudden realization. The spell! The spell is how I'll make it work. I grinned as I thought about how I might be able to keep a friend and not lose all hope for myself. I devised a way for me to keep testing her abilities without sending her to a foreign land.

I grabbed a paper and quill and began writing my letter to the one pony I knew would try her hardest to get back at Twilight. I finished the letter and sent it to the rock farm that she was at. I knew this show mare had a grudge against Twilight and knew if she were to get the amulet I told her about, she would be able to test Twilight's dedication and intuition.

I sent the letter with a spell as Luna walked back in. "Look, Celestia. I understand that you and I view our fates separately, but I urge you not to follow through with these ambitions of yours. It's not putting another pony through what you are going through." she said.

"But she may not end up like me. She could be like you, fearless about the possible fates she will have to watch over. She may relish in it. But it doesn't matter. If what I plan succeeds, then I know I can trust her with the final task." I said.

"Celestia, what are you planning?" Luna asked.

"Patience, sister. I'll go to Saddle Arabia and leave Twilight in Ponyville. But in the meantime, she'll have an old 'friend' come by and help her in her studies." I told her.

She looked at me quizzically. "What old friend?" she asked.

"Somepony who visited Ponyville a few years ago. She will assist Twilight in her studies." I said. "Now, go to bed, Luna. You have a long night." She walked away while giving me a questioning look. I walked to my bedroom and prepared for bed. If I'm lucky, the letter will have reached Mr. and Mrs. Pie and their new helper will be heading for Manehattan to take the element. I thought as I slowly drifted back to sleep, where I could die and see my family once again.

Saving Grace

I returned from Saddle Arabia with my guests, and as I had hoped, Twilight passed her test. It had made my day with the royals much easier to handle. After my duties with the Saddle Arabian royals, I proceeded to my chambers. As I looked into the mirror I noticed something that brought a smile to my face. The tip of one hair on the right side of my mane had turned a slight grey color.

"Beautiful." I whispered to myself. I had never seen me or my sister gain a grey hair and it gave me hope. Hope that maybe I wasn't completely immortal. But my smile soon faded. It was one hair. Only one grey tip out of thousands. I lowered my head as a tear fell from my eyes. I don't know what's worse, not knowing if you'll ever die, or knowing that it may be a thousand millennium before you do.

I cut the tip of the hair and threw it away. I didn't want to be reminded of my burden. I looked to the window and out towards the night sky. As I stared at the stars, I knew what Luna meant about nopony appreciating her nights. It was beautiful. The stars glistened against the dark sky as the moon gave a lunar glow to everything below. "Why us, mother? Why were we given this?" I asked to no one in particular. I had started doing this for awhile now. I would stare out to the stars and ask my mother a question. She couldn't hear me of course, but it felt good to at least feel like I was talking to her.

I sighed as it came time for me to raise the sun and end the night. I cast the spell and before the sun rose over the horizon, I saw a correlation of stars swirl through the sky. I smiled because it reminded me that Star Swirl was still here and that I wasn't completely alone. But as the sun rose, so did the stars. I lowered my head as Luna walked in to my room. "So she passed your test." she said.

"Yes. She's ready for the next step." I said.

"Tia, please, I beg you to reconsider. You're wasting your time on finding a way to turn Twilight into one of us when none exist. Not since Star Swirl...you know." she said.

"Just because Star Swirl made a mistake does not mean that there aren't ways." I replied back harshly. "Do you remember what happened to us when we became what we are? When we gained our wings?" Luna shook her head. "It was painful. They grew from our backs in the night. You were screaming as they started pushing through your back. I didn't know what was happening, so I didn't do anything as my back was shattered in pain."

"What does this have to do with finding a new way?" Luna asked.

"The Elements of Harmomy hold more power than we originally thought. They can be used as a portal to send a pony to a different dimension. It's how the first Alocorns came to be. But we didnt know of them until years after we became what we are and only because Star Swirl helped us. In this dimension, pain does not exist, so the transformation will not harm Twilight."

"Sister, please. I know how much you cared for him, but we had to do it or else Equestria would not be safe. Maybe if he hadn't turned into that creature, he could find a way for you to have this wish, but he's not. He's trapped in stone where he shall forever remain."

A smile grew on my face. "There is one way." I said, taking a quill and paper from my drawer.

"Celestia what are you planning?" my sister asked cautiously.

"You said if Star Swirl hadn't turned into that creature than we might have a way, correct?" I asked.

"Well yes, but I don't see what you plan to do. You can't undo transfiguration, only he can, and he's trapped in stone!" she said.

"But what about his personality? I believe Star Swirl is still in there, but his personality is what changed." I said, sending the letter off. "If I could get him to use his powers for good, then we would have our chance."

"Your chance." she said. "I don't want any part of this. I will not be responsible for ruining a young Unicorn's life." With that, she walked out of the room, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

Would I really be ruining her life? I thought. I'm sure she'd be happy knowing that she could continue her studies and help keep everypony happy. I didn't want to think too hard on that though. I needed to get ready for the upcoming week. Discord had a reforming appointment and I was going to make sure he wasn't late.