When I say I couldn’t have imagined what Fluttershy and I would go through together, I mean that will all sincerity. I bet you’re wondering what we did go through together. The long answer would include numerous romantic instances leading to much kissing and cuddling, a few sad moments in which we cried and comforted each other, and many hysterical moments which ended in laughter and tickling (she’s so ticklish!).

The short answer: five years.

Fluttershy and me; we went through so much together. It seemed like time was just a blur and everything that was occurring around me was nothingness. All that mattered in my life was her, and all that mattered to her was me. We guided each other through our lives as if it was our God-given nature to do so. When I say there was nothing that could separate us, I mean that quite literally. There is no force on Heaven or Earth that could split us apart. Hell, I bet there isn’t a magical force in Equestria that could separate us.

Our love was stronger than anything. All the books and comics Fluttershy and I read together depicted numerous romances and romantic happenings, but nothing could compare to what we had. You know those fairy tale endings where the bride and groom ride off into the sunset to live happily ever after? Yeah, fuck that. Our love makes those shits look about as happy as Spider-Man when Gwen died (spoilers).

Being with Fluttershy made the rest of my college career roll on like a simple breeze on a cool spring day. Four years in college seemingly amounted to nothing with her around. At the end of it all, I graduated with a BFA in Musical Theater. And by the time I graduated, I had turned twenty-one. Man was that a crazy birthday. My family and I took a trip to Las Vegas. To put it simply; what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.

But, of course, I couldn’t share a moment like my twenty-first without Fluttershy. We did our usual thing as we had done for all my birthdays; we enjoyed some nice food, danced to some music, and just enjoyed ourselves. The same went for my graduation from college.

In the six years that Fluttershy and I had been together, it had become insanely easy to keep her hidden from my mother and sister. We had developed a routine that ran like clockwork. Whereas, when I found Fluttershy, I was always jumpy and nervous around my family, now, I could play it about as cool as ice (that was lame). I even managed to maintain my reputation in society (because, you know, I still had friends and family aside from Fluttershy).

But nevertheless, Fluttershy always came first. Nothing could change that.

When I finally moved out of my home and got my own place to live in the big apple, keeping Fluttershy a secret wasn’t even a problem anymore. Sure, I’d have friends over sometimes for parties and whatnot, but she would just stay in our bedroom for the time being. Finding her was like finding a needle in a haystack, if you will.

You’re probably thinking that Fluttershy would be locked inside more often now that we were in the city. You’d be wrong. I picked a place in one of the more suburban areas of the city. Not far from my home was a big open space that had seemingly been untouched for quite some time. We would often spend time together there, just cuddling underneath the many trees that littered the landscape.

My money mostly came from my day job and what few shows I was performing in. I was still waiting for my big break, as most actors fresh out of college do. Most of the shows I performed in were either short lived or one night stands. My day job was actually bartending, which I had managed to pick up a knack for during my college days. I did so well that I made phenomenal tips most days.

And then, finally, my big break arrived! That’s a day I’ll never forget! Why? Well, it’s not the reason you’re probably thinking of. In fact, I don’t remember as a happy day at all. I remember it as one of the saddest days of my life.

It was a sunny Saturday morning. I had managed to snatch up and audition spot for a new original show that sought to steal the spotlight from the rest of Broadway (or Off-Broadway, I should say). I had to get up early and prepare myself for what would no doubt be one of the most important days of my career. Fluttershy joined me, of course. Once I was ready, we shared a kiss, and I was off to the audition.

However, something had been bothering me as of late. Really, it had been bothering since the day I had found Fluttershy in that dumpster on my block. Fluttershy obviously wasn’t of this world. She came from Equestria, obviously. Now, that wasn’t really the big thing that was bothering. I know she didn’t necessarily belong here, but did I care? Obviously not.

What had really been bothering me was that I hadn’t told her any of this yet. For six years, I had hidden from her the fact that she was from a fictional cartoon show. It had been hanging over me like a leering crow now more than ever. Why, I couldn’t tell you. It just seemed like my time with Fluttershy was coming to a head. Something was going to happen soon, and this whole thing about me keeping Fluttershy’s origin a secret was just hurting me.

So, my plan for the day was to rock my audition, go pick up a pizza and some soda for a celebration lunch, and then tell Fluttershy what I needed to tell her. Much easier said than done, let me tell you.

As I planned, my audition went swimmingly. I was certain that I would at least nail an ensemble part for the show, which was all I really wanted. I just wanted to be able to perform in a real show. So, after I finished up at the theater, I hitched a ride on the subway back home. Once I was closer to my place, I stopped and picked up a pizza and some Dr. Pepper. And then, I headed home.

My heart felt heavier and heavier with every step I took heading home. And once I arrived, it felt like my heart was in the pit of my stomach.

I walked up the steps to my apartment, pizza and soda in hand. I walked in with a huge smile on my face. Fluttershy rushed over to the door and flew in front of me, smiling right back at me.

“How’d it go?!” she eagerly asked me.

“About as awesome as you’d expect it to!” I answered. Fluttershy started kissing me on the cheek, making me laugh and lose my balance a bit as I tried to walk over to the table and set down the items in my hand. Fluttershy was giggling as I grabbed her out of the air and started tickling her. I then kissed her on the cheek and ran my hand through her mane as she always loved.

By this point, Fluttershy had grown to her normal size like in the show. She was so much easier to grab onto and cuddle with now, which we did quite often. Cuddling was probably our favorite thing to do, with kissing right next to it. As we ate our pizza and drank our soda, with me burping comically every now and then, I just kept looking into Fluttershy’s eyes. I don’t think she noticed, but as I stared, a tear ran down my cheek.

When we finished eating, we sat at the table for a while, just discussing my audition. I told her about how perfect my singing was, not messing up a single note. I told her how I spoke my comedic monologue like it was my own work of comedy. And I told her how my dancing skills were so enamoring, the judges would have asked for more if time allowed it. And once that was done, we went into the living room.

I sat down next to Fluttershy on the couch, nervously grabbing the remote. It shook in my hand for a moment. Fluttershy took notice and seem worried about me. She placed her hoof on my hand, looking at me with smile on her face, no doubt trying to cheer me up. I looked back, trying to work up a smile.

“Matthew, what’s wrong?” she asked me, both my hands now shaking. My breathing grew heavier by the moment, and I felt a tear roll down my cheek. I looked at the TV, raising the remote up and turning it on. As some random channel came on, I looked back at Fluttershy.

“Fluttershy,” I started, “there’s something I need to tell you.” She wore a quizzical look on her face.

“What? Is something wrong? Did I do something bad?” she asked. She then gasped. “Did you’re audition not go as well as you said?!” I stifled a chuckle.

“I only wish it could have been that. No, it’s not really anything you could think of. It’s just… this is something I’ve been waiting to tell you for a while now.”

“What?” she asked. I responded by flipping to the Hub Network. Low and behold, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic was on. The opening theme song had just started.

Fluttershy took immediate notice of what was on the screen. She stood up and walked forward. She fell to the floor when she first saw herself. I couldn’t see her face, but I didn’t need to see her to know she was crying. I could hear it just as easily. I had also started crying by this point. I couldn’t bear to look at her.

When the song finally ended, Fluttershy stood up and walked over to me. I refused to look at her, but she just kept staring at me.

“Matthew…” she said. “H-How long h-have you known about this?” Her voice cracked multiple times as she asked that. I sniffled once before looking up at her. I didn’t answer. “How long?!” she asked again, nearly screaming at me. I had never seen her like this. I didn’t even think she could act in such a way, least of all towards me. But then again, I deserved every bit of it.

“S-Since the day I found you…” I answered, covering my face with my hands. I cried like a little child, and Fluttershy did the same exact thing. I felt the love of my life slipping away from me. I had kept something so important away from her for so long. And now that I had revealed the truth, I had to suffer the consequences.

“Why? W-Why didn’t you tell me s-sooner?” she asked. “W-Why didn’t you tell me when you found me?” I shook my head, my lips quivering as I looked up and inhaled heavily. I exhaled and started shaking all over.

“I… I didn’t want to hurt you.”

“Hurt me? Matthew, look at me,” she told me. I didn’t. “Look at me!” she screamed, stomping her hoof on the floor. I looked at her slowly. “Matthew, I’m more hurt now than I would have been if you had told me sooner.”

“I’m sorry! Please, I didn’t mean for it to be like this! I just… I don’t know. I wanted to protect you.”

“Protect me from what, Matthew?” she asked, her voice shaking, and her crying becoming much heavier. I dropped my head in shame.

“I don’t know,” I answered weakly. As I continued to cry, I looked up at her. She was still crying as she stood up and looked at me in what seemed like disgust. I couldn’t tell, truthfully. I wasn’t sure if at this point she hated me or not.

She then walked away from me, heading into our bedroom. I watched her walk, unable to stop her. She shut the door and locked it, leaving me by myself.

I felt horrible. No, horrible is too light a word. I felt disgusting. As I sat there on the couch, I felt like I couldn’t live with myself. It seemingly felt as though I was losing a part of myself with each passing moment. I felt like a monster. I kept something so important from her for so long. What’s worse, I actually thought she would take it well. I thought we would sit down and talk things over. I didn’t expect her to just walk away and lock herself in our room. I didn’t expect all the tears that were shed; at least, not as many. I… I don’t know what I was thinking.

And when I say she locked herself in our room, I mean it. Fluttershy stayed there for two whole days. I was left to sleep on the couch, alone. Every so often, I could hear her sobbing in the bedroom, which led me to curse myself for what I had done. All I could do was just lay on the couch for those two days and look up at the ceiling, thinking about how horrible of a person I was. If Fluttershy ever came out, it was just for the bathroom or to get something to eat or drink. We made no eye contact, no verbal contact; no contact at all whatsoever. I was hurting just as much as she was. No, actually, that’s a lie. She was hurting far more. I could tell just from her crying. But I was hurting. Badly. I’m not sure how much more I can nail the point home that I felt like dirt.

On the third day of our “separation,” I decided to go out for a walk.

“Hey, Fluttershy…” I said softly, knocking on the door to our bedroom. As I expected, I received no answer. “I’m just going out for a bit. Um… Yeah. I should be back in a while.” Still no answer. My head dropped as I walked away from the door and head out. I zipped up my jacket and put my earbuds in my ears, turning on the song “Erased,” by Volumes. I set it to repeat as I set out on my walk.

For a half hour, I just walked, listening to that song over and over again. All the while, I looked up into the sky, thinking about what I had done. I kept bashing myself for everything. It felt like everything Fluttershy and I had shared together was a lie all of a sudden. And then, I felt nothing. All the feelings of remorse, regret, and hatred towards myself seemed to just go away. I felt… blank. Barren. I felt like a part of me had been… erased.

Unknowingly, I had made my way to the new field that Fluttershy and I had often enjoyed going to together. At first, I could barely stand the sight of this place. But then, I calmed down, and I walked onto the field. I headed over to our favorite tree. The sky had started to become gloomy and dark, leading me to believe it would start to rain soon. And, low and behold, a few minutes after I sat down under the tree, water began to fall from the clouds above.

I was well protected from what was becoming a torrential downpour. In a matter of minutes, what was just a light rain turned to a powerful gust of heavy rain and harsh winds. The water from above was being slapped in my direction, so I positioned myself on the other side of the tree away from the rain. As I sat there, I looked up to the sky for a moment, with Erased still playing in my ears. I ripped the earbuds from my head and turned the music off, almost violently. Then, my head dropped.

“I’m sorry…” I muttered under my breath. “I’m just… so sorry, Fluttershy. I’m sorry for what I’ve done. I… I don’t deserve you. God, I hope you never have to deal with me again. After what I’ve put you through… why would you want to?” I said all of this aloud, knowing no one was around to listen. I started to cry. But, as I did so, I heard a rather distinct rustling noise among the leaves over my head.

I looked up, and to my surprise, I saw Fluttershy, spying on me through the thick foliage of the tree. She stared blankly at me, and I stared blankly right back at her. We stayed like that for a few minutes, before my head dropped back down and continued to cry. Her descent down was so silent, I was almost startled by her when she sat down next to me. I didn’t look at her. How could I?

However, I was practically forced to when she rested her head on my shoulder. I cautiously looked over to the sobbing mare beside me. She surprised me next with a tight hug. It seemed as though this embrace would be never-ending. Fluttershy held me tighter than a mother holding her child. It seemed she was crying even harder than the sky was.

“Matthew… I… I’m sorry,” she said through her tears.

“W-What? Fluttershy, you have nothing to be sorry for,” I replied, gently wrapping an arm around her. This seemed to make her only hold onto me more tightly.

“I just… I don’t want you to leave me! I don’t want to lose you!” she cried, burying her face into my chest. I didn’t know what to do. I just felt so desolate in that moment, even though I should have felt so uplifted that even after my immense blunder, she still wanted to be with me.

“But… Fluttershy-” I started, but I was cutoff as she pressed her lips against mine in the blink of an eye. Again, I didn’t know what to do. And then, it hit me. I caressed her body in my arms and gently placed one hand against her cheek. When we parted, I pulled her against me just as tightly as she had been holding me. It seemed as though we were never going to let go of each other. We just sat there, hugging, crying, without a care in the world.

What felt like an eternity passed for the two of us, until we finally let each other go. We locked eyes and continued to cry. I pulled Fluttershy in close and kissed her with every ounce of passion in my body. And, judging from the kiss, she was doing the same. When we broke the kiss, I was the first to speak.

“Fluttershy, I’m just so sorry. I should have told you sooner. What I did was… stupid. It was selfish. It was just…”

“Matthew, you don’t have to say anything else. It’s okay, really. I’m fine.”

“How? How could you be fine after what I told you? How could you be fine after finding out you’re not really supposed to be here? That you’re just a character from a cartoon show?” I questioned. It seemed her gaze was beaming into my soul now.

“Does it matter?” she retorted. And, surprisingly, I was speechless. I chuckled and shook my head.

“I… I guess not. But, still, are you sure you’re alright?”

“I think so. It’ll take a bit of time for me to get over everything. But, honestly, I don’t really care. All I care about is being here with you.” As she said that, she nuzzled herself against me, cueing me to quickly wrap her up in my arms. We started laughing together as we joined our lips together once more.

“I love you, Matthew,” she said, resting her head under my chin. I started running my hand through her mane, just as she always loved it.

“I love you too, Fluttershy.”

With those last words spoken, I began to explain everything there was to explain to Fluttershy about her origin. The rain didn’t appear to be letting up anytime soon, and no one was going to be around to spot us, so we had loads of time on our hands/hooves. As I explained everything, Fluttershy slowly became more and more intrigued with her origin. It was as if she had forgotten all about how I had kept it from her. All she seemed to care about now was me telling her more about her actual life in Equestria.

Then, she asked a peculiar question; it was a question that I didn’t really have an answer to.

“Matthew,” she started, “what made you tell me all of this now, though? Why not sooner?” Like I said, I really didn’t know what to say. And then, I felt a spark go off in my brain.

“I just… I feel like something is going to happen soon. And, whatever it is, I just wanted you to know where you came from. I don’t know what’s coming, but whatever it is, I couldn’t let it happen without you knowing this.” As I said that, she nodded and rested her head on my shoulder.

“Do you think I’m going to go home soon?” she asked. I felt my heart stop as she spoke those words. It almost stung as she said that. I could barely speak as I replied to her.

“I… I don’t know. I sort of hope not. But, at the same time…” I stopped. She looked up at me.

“What?” she asked. I sighed, looking to her with a weak smile.

“Let’s not think about that, alright?” She nodded and cuddled with me. “Let’s just focus on us. And how much I love you. How I’m not going to let anyone or anything take you away from me.” I held her as tightly as I could. She did the same.

“Just promise me something, Matthew,” she said. I looked down at her. “Promise me that you’ll always love me, no matter what.” I smiled the biggest smile I had ever smiled in my life (without looking like an ass, of course).

“I promise.”

And then, we shared another kiss. But, as we did, the sky began to light up, drawing our attention to the beauty of nature. We held each other closely as we ensconced ourselves peacefully against the tree, watching the incandescence of the sky.

Yet, as the beautiful and amorphous lightning spread across the sky, I couldn’t help but feel an ache in the pit of my stomach. It felt like all of this wasn’t the sky putting on a nice show for the love of my life and myself. This felt different.

All I could do was hope; hope that what I didn’t want to happen wasn’t actually going to happen.

I had to hope. For both Fluttershy, and me.