Lyra sat behind her writing desk, completely motion- and emotionless, locked in a vicious staring contest with her client Cherry Berry on the other side. She longed for a pencil, or a rubber band, or anything she could throw at her opponent to divert her attention, giving herself the deciding edge in this competition, but to scan her desk for any usable item would inevitably mean averting her own gaze. And averting her gaze would mean forfeiting the stare down. And forfeiting the stare down meant admitting defeat. And admitting defeat meant losing her payment. And losing her payment meant receiving an eviction notice, unless she somehow scratched up money in a regular nine-to-five job. She would rather die than let that happen.

With new determination, firmly established by her desperate need for bits, Lyra intensified her glare, making sure her client's spirit would soon be broken.

“This is ridiculous!” Cherry Berry yelled, her slamming hoof checking Lyra's desk for any structural deficiencies. It had worked. Lyra had won. For now.

“I'm not going to pay for any of this!” Cherry Berry added.

Lyra had anticipated this reaction and had prepared a response well in advance. “When you came to me three days ago, you agreed to my hiring fee with paid expenses. I've been working on your case relentlessly ever since; it's only fair for me to get paid.”

“No, it's not!” Cherry Berry shouted. “I come in here, expecting some report on the progress you've made, or at least some concession for your incompetence towards finding my beloved Tonto, when you present me with this... this... shameless excuse for a bill! Half of these are made-up charges, while the other half are made-up words! What by Celestia's mane is specter-repellant salt.”

“A special kind of mineral believed to repel ghosts,” Lyra explained. “I always take some as a precaution – in case I have to fight any. I was running low.” Lyra continued as if this were a valid explanation. “I do believe I had informed you about my, what other ponies might call unconventional methods in finding lost pets. Though unconventional they may be, they're equally guaranteed to lead to success in the long run. While most of these items may seem gratuitous to the unknowing eye, I can assure you that all of them are completely pertinent.”

“Impertinent, that's what they are!”

“I'm sorry you feel that way,” Lyra said. She opened a drawer, took out a folder labeled 'Tonto – the case of the missing ferret', and flipped it open. On top lay a photo of the auburn pet along with her own copy of the bill. “Maybe we can go over whatever upsets you the most. I'm sure I can clarify the whole situation, and eliminate any doubts you have about the importance of the items in question.”

“I already have a problem with item number one,” Cherry Berry spat, restraining herself from jumping down Lyra's throat. “It's completely unnecessary and uncalled for.”

“I don't know what you mean,” Lyra innocently replied.

“I mean, what in Equestria can a fifty bit meal at Chez Valier, the most expensive restaurant in all of Ponyville, possible have to do with you finding my little Tonto!?”

“Ah, I see where the confusion lies.” Lyra leaned forward in a 'this should be obvious, but you seem to be too thick to get it, so I'll explain it to you nice and slow'-kind of way. “You see, what you didn't know is that Chez Valier had just hired a new waiter the very same day Tonto went missing. I was sure this couldn't have been a mere coincidence, so I went to investigate. To do so as discretely as possible, I needed to appear like a completely regular customer; otherwise I would have raised suspicion. That's where those fifty bits come from.”

“And how exactly did you think my missing Tonto would relate to Chez Valier hiring a new waiter?” The twitching of Cherry Berry's right eye tried its best to upstage the twitching of her other eye.

“I had absolutely no idea. That's why I had to investigate so thoroughly. Otherwise I would have passed on the last course; I was barely able to eat up. But thanks to my sound methods of observation, I was able to deduce that these two events were by no means connected to one another. Probably.”

“This is outrageous!” Cherry Berry's hoof took another quick slamming sample of the desk's structural integrity. “When I hired you, you promised me with a hoofshake, with a hoofshake, that you would keep the costs to a minimum!”

“And I did. As you can see...” Lyra tried to point Cherry Berry to the bottom of the bill. This was a rather difficult task to undertake, as her desk was far too big to allow for her hoof to reach the other side. “...I have merely charged you thirty bits as actual salary. That boils down to ten bits a day, which is a more than generous offer, considering my services, if I dare say so myself.”

Cherry Berry was pressing her words through gritted teeth. “Then why does the whole thing add up to a total of more than a thousand bits?”

“Well most of that really comes from the price of that silver arrow. You can't exactly just waltz into a store and grab them off a shelf; those have to be custom-made.”

“What does a silver arrow have to do with all this!”

Lyra leaned back in her chair. “At some point, I had valid reason to believe that your ferret is a lycanthrope.”

“A what?”

“A lycanthrope. A special kind of shapeshifter. While you probably have heard of changelings, a lycanthrope's shapeshifting abilities are much more limited, but also much more dangerous. It can usually only change between two forms, but possesses the full strength and abilities of both. The only way to harm a lycanthrope is with silver that manages to pierce its skin, and that's where your bill comes into the picture again.”

“Oh I get it,” Cherry Berry said, getting up before continuing in a much calmer voice. “You're trying to play me for a fool. You've been a fraud trying to cheat me out of my money from the very beginning, is that it? No wonder you couldn't find a missing pet when I could have hired a goat to do it.”

Lyra was getting tired this conversation. “Look, I get that you don't want to pay for that arrow. The good news is that I haven't used it yet. The bad news is that, because it was custom-made, I can't return it to get your money back. I can however offer you that when I use it, I'll charge the client I had to use it for, and return the bits to you. Scout's honor.”

“You must think I'm an idiot if you believe I would fall for that. Why would I trust a crook like you not to go back on her word?”

“I'll have you know that my intellect and my brilliant methods of deduction have recently lead to a distinct commendation by the Canterlot palace guards.”

“And by distinct commendation she means they chose not to throw her in jail despite her breach of several laws against trespassing, and breaking and entering.” Bon Bon had remained quietly in her room so far, but had now decided to participate in the conversation by poking her head out the door.

Lyra was taken completely aback by this breach of trust. “What are you doing, Bon Bon? As my secretary, you're not supposed to reveal confidential information to my clients.”

Bon Bon moaned, putting a hoof up to massage her temples. “First off, I'm not your secretary. I'm your roommate who merely decided not to bludgeon you to death despite you deciding to put this monstrous, Brobdingnagian atrocity of a writing desk into our shared living room.”

“You're also not supposed to use such grandiloquent language in front of my clients,” Lyra interjected. “It makes them feel asinine.”

“Second!” Bon Bon couldn't have emphasized that word any more. “Second, your client has already exposed you as a fraud and clearly stated that she has no intent of paying you. There is no point in keeping up this charade any longer.”

“I won't have it!” Lyra defended herself. “This is not a charade. I work very hard and with utmost dedication on every case presented to me.”

“Then how come every time I'm around, all I see you do is linger around the house?”

“I too have my working hours,” Lyra explained. “And after they're over I firmly believe that I'm entitled to a little rest. I can't help it if you...”

“Enough of this!” Cherry Berry shouted at the top of her lungs. “I'm not having any more of this! I am leaving. And don't except a single bit out of me for this... this... monkey business!”

“In fact,” she added as she was about to leave through the door, “I'm going to sue you for attempted fraud and utter waste of time. You'll be hearing from my lawyer.” The door slammed shut behind her.

“I don't get it,” Lyra said, turning to her roommate. “Why does everypony keep thinking they can just sue my like that? I mean, I have successfully evaded charges for high treason on two non-consecutive occasions. I'm completely confident I can refute anything they throw at me.”

“Yeah, it's like they suddenly develop an aversion to being scammed out of money once they enter our home,” Bon Bon replied.

“And just what are you implying?”

“I'm implying that you should apply your time and energy to something more productive than stealing other pony's money,” Bon Bon said, before leaving for the kitchen.

Lyra followed right after. “I'm not stealing from anypony. I'm providing a valuable service to anyone that lost something and needs advanced and extraordinary means of finding it. I am a legitimate businessmare.”

“Yeah, right!” came the rather snarky and infuriating response. Bon Bon didn't bother to look at Lyra, and went looking for a glass in the cupboard instead. Lyra kept following hoof to hoof at every step she took.

“I am! And may I remind you that it was you who kept telling me to stop going on wild goose chases to uncover the greatest conspiracy that Equestria has ever seen, and instead devote myself to an honest and paying profession? Well, guess what: this is what I want to do. This is what really brings my talents to fruition. Or would you rather I go back to ransacking Princess Celestia's private closets?”

“I don't want you to ransack anypony's closet.” By now, Bon Bon had found a glass, grabbed some orange juice, and poured herself some. “In fact, I'd like the complete opposite. I'd like you to, for once, do something that isn't in the least bit felonious or unethical.”

“It's not felonious!” Lyra was getting more and more agitated with every word she heard. “I'm a legitimate businessmare! I help ponies with the utmost sincerity and care. Why do you always give me such a hard time?”

“Because, so far, I've only seen you take it easy.” Bon Bon had finished her juice and for the first time she looked Lyra directly in the eye. “I'm sorry. I know you mean well, I really do, but all you end up with is charging ponies for services you didn't do and exploiting their hopes.”

Lyra laughed at these ridiculous, preposterous, baseless accusations, laughed them off with tears in her eyes, hanging ears, and her lips curled into a frown. She imagined from Bon Bon's naive perspective her triumphant laughter might have mistakenly looked like wailing sadness.

The very idea was ridiculous. She would never take advantage of anypony. Ponies who hired her clearly knew what they were getting into, and couldn't possibly mistake her for something else. Or could they?

No they couldn't, unless they were complete idiots (which, admittedly, covered some ponies in her clientele). Her business card and all newspaper ads clearly stated her as a holistic private investigator, a fact she informed any customer who came to her about. The term should be self-explanatory: 'investigator' meant she was hired to investigate, 'private' meant anypony could hire her, and 'holistic' meant she would be doing her job holisticly. Simple as that. And if Bon Bon couldn't understand this, she would have to see for herself.

“I'll prove it to you,” Lyra announced.

“What?”

“I said I'll prove it to you. Come with me, and I'll show you how much hard, honest detective work I'm really doing.”

Bon Bon didn't even want to consider. “No, sorry. I have better things to do than chase a ferret on the loose.”

“Please?” Lyra tried putting all her heart into that plea.

“I said no.”

Luckily, Lyra knew more than one way to persuade her long-time roommate. “But Bon Bon, I can't do it without you. I really need your help.”

“Still a no.”

Luckily, Lyra knew more than two ways to persuade her long-time roommate. “But if you don't help me, I won't catch the ferret. And if I don't catch the ferret, I'll lose my reputation and nopony will want to hire me ever again. I'll slowly go broke and eventually will be unable to provide my share of the rent. When the landlord hears about this, she won't listen to our excuses, and kick both of us out on the street. Homeless and destitute, we will turn to a life of crime just to get by, which will inevitably land us in jail, wherein unspeakable things will happen to us. I guess neither one of us wants that. So you see, it is of vital importance for you to come along.”

“Still not coming.”

Asking her nicely hadn't worked, reasoning with her hadn't worked, unreasoning hadn't worked, but Lyra still had an ace up her sleeve. She knew it was time to haul out the big guns.

With big, wide puppy eyes and her lips puckered up into a pathetic frown, the lower one trembling, she gave Bon Bon a heart-melting stare that was sure to trick her into coming along. Bon Bon stared back callously, not moving as much as a single muscle. She seemed completely without compassion for the candid appeal. That is until her upper lip started trembling.

Lyra knew her roommate well enough to know what this meant. That upper lip was trembling out of anger – anger at Lyra for stooping to such a shameless display, and anger at herself for falling for it once more. Lyra couldn't help but smile.

“Should I fetch you anything?” Lyra politely offered. “A hat maybe? Or a snazzy scarf?”

“Don't even bother!” Bon Bon shouted as she led the way to the front door.

*  *  *

“I can not believe this,” Bon Bon uttered, looking with said disbelief at the store in front of her.

“Believe what?” Lyra asked, turning around while still holding the door open.

“This is what you call work?” Bon Bon yelled, pointing a hoof accusingly at Lyra and the scene that was unfolding before her. “We haven't been out here for five minutes, and you already want to take a break!? I'm beginning to think that all of this was just an excuse to go to Sugarcube Corner from the very beginning.”

“I'm sorry,” Lyra explained nonchalantly, “but I just don't work on an empty stomach.”

Bon Bon felt genuinely hurt. “But you do realize that I make sweets for a living. I would have gladly made you something if you would have just asked me. Do you have any idea how insulting this is to me?”

Lyra blushed a little. Fortunately, at the same time another customer arrived, blocking Bon Bon's view of Lyra. After he had passed by and nodded a quick thank you, Lyra had recovered herself and was ready to answer. “I couldn't have asked you to bake something just for me, that would have been way too much. And it would have taken too long. Besides, I wanted a muffin and your muffins always tend to turn out a little mushy.”

“Mushy!?” To Bon Bon was just too much. If Lyra was unwilling to eat her muffins Bon Bon was at least going to make Lyra eat her words. By force if she had to. She mentally already prepared a battle tactic, she was ready to charge, but she changed her mind before she could do anything foolish. There had been enough fighting for the day, she realized.

“Forget it,” she said coldly. “I'm just going to wait outside.”

“Suit yourself, ”Lyra said, as she went inside the store and let the door fall into its hinges.

As it was still early in the morning, Sugarcube Corner wasn't exactly bursting with business, but the stallion that passed her and the mare in front of him still forced Lyra to wait in line and lose herself in thought.

Bon Bon staying outside had its advantages. She had intended to get some private time to talk to Pinkie Pie anyway, and this development seemed much more promising than her plan to excuse herself for the bathroom, or fake a customer complaint. There was no risk in Bon Bon just leaving her, no matter what, and if Lyra brought her a muffin, she would be too surprised to see her friend actually pay for a treat to remember being mad or the little fight they had.

The line was moving along quickly, and all of a sudden it was Lyra's turn already.

“Hi there, Lyra! What can I do for you?” Pinkie Pie greeted with her usual cheerfulness. It was Lyra's good fortune that Pinkie was working the counter today.

“Hi, Pinkie. Just the usual for me, the usual for Bon Bon, and a minute of your time,” Lyra said.

“Sure,” Pinkie said, fetching two muffins from the display, “I always have a minute for anypony, especially my friends. Then again, I'm friends with almost everypony, and if somepony wasn't my friend, I'd give that pony a minute anyway, hoping she would become my friend soon. So I guess I would give a minute to anypony no matter who, but that shouldn't mean your minute is any less special.”

The sudden end of Pinkie's speech left Lyra a little startled and at a loss for words. “I wanted to talk about the favor I asked you,” she finally said. “Did you get around to doing it yet?”

Pinkie frowned a little at having to admit the truth. “No. I tried my best, but I'm only half way done. I just didn't have the time yet. But I promise to get right back to it once my shift ends.”

“Don't sweat it, there's still some time. Just remember that Bon Bon mustn't know about any of this.”

“I won't tell her a word. Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye,” Pinkie said, gesturing along to her promise.

Lyra took another moment to gather her thoughts before she added: “Thanks, Pinkie! I can't tell you how much this means to me. And you know, if you ever find yourself missing anything, like a missing pet, or a missing tooth, I'll gladly find it for you – free of charge.”

Pinkie responded with a smile that seemed to say 'don't worry about a thing, that's what friends are for'. Although Lyra wasn't sure, it could have also been a 'don't worry, Sir, I'll come right to you' smile directed at the customer waiting behind her, who had just come in.

“Anyway,” Lyra said, grabbing the two muffins with her magic, “I don't want to keep you any longer. I guess I'll be seeing you around.”

“Okie-dokie-lokie!” Pinkie replied, turning her attention to the other customer.

Lyra rushed outside to get back to Bon Bon, hoping for damage control in case the muffin didn't work. “I'm sorry you had to wait so long. I bought you a muffin as compensation.”

“I'm not hungry.” Bon Bon was much more content with sulking in her anger instead.

“Are you sure? It's your favorite: chocolate-banana-walnut explosion.” Lyra stretched the last word, while temptingly levitating the treat in front of Bon Bon's nose.

Bon Bon angrily grabbed the muffin from Lyra's magic. She angrily examined it from all sides, before angrily taking a bite, and angrily relishing the flavor. She angrily noticed just a hint of pecan mixed into the dough that nicely complemented the flavor. She angrily swallowed and angrily felt her anger go up in smoke. With a few more bites, she had finished her muffin.

“So, what are we going to do now?” Bon Bon asked with genuine curiosity.

“Why, we go looking for that ferret of course. And for that, we first of all have to buy a newspaper,” Lyra said, leading the way to a nearby newsstand.

“A newspaper?” This only added to Bon Bon's confusion. “Why would you possibly need a newspaper for that?”

“To see what the ferret is up to.”

“Oh, sure. The ferret will certainly announce its whereabouts in the newspaper,” Bon Bon sarcastically remarked.

“Of course not! I expect to find some information on current events around Ponyville that are largely intertwined with the case at hand. It's part of my personal approach as a holistic private investigator,” Lyra informed.

“You keep using that term as if it were a real thing,” Bon Bon noted. “Why don't you just call yourself a regular private investigator. You'd maybe even get more customers that way.”

“Because I'm not!” Lyra called. “I'm a holistic private investigator and ponies need to know that.”

“I don't see the difference.”

“Because you never bothered to ask,” Lyra said accusingly.

“I'm asking now,” Bon Bon remarked. “Do you care to explain.”

“Very well.” Lyra cleared her throat. “A holistic investigator is somepony who bothers to look at the bigger picture to solve a case. You might know how traditionally detectives try to solve a single case by following a single trace that leads to a single suspect they convict by a single piece of decisive evidence. I'll admit, this strategy works some of the time, but with a really tough case it simply fails. That's when a holistic investigator comes into play.

“A holistic investigator acknowledges that the big mysteries of life, and of investigative work, can't be broken into smaller pieces. To be solved, all the cases and all the clues have to be looked at as a single entity that can only be understood as a whole. That's why the case of the missing ferret can't simply be approached by just looking for it everywhere. I have to be informed about all current events to even have a chance at finding it.”

“I'm sorry,” Bon Bon admitted, “but all of this just sounds like crazy talk to me. How can you possibly believe any of that?”

“It's not crazy talk,” Lyra defended. “The signs are all around you, if you happen to look close enough. Take this for example...” She pointed at a pony sporting a trench coat and a fancy fedora. She was carrying a suitcase, that was carelessly dangling in her arm behind her, as she seemed very rushed. “You can plainly see three things: First, the way she is dressed, she is most likely a traveling sales agent. Second, she seems to be in quite a rush, probably to catch a train she is about to miss. Third, her destination seems to be the very same newsstand we are heading to.

“Now look at the newsstand.” Both of their gazes had already shifted. “If like me you have been watching it all this time, you might have noticed that the customer already being served seemingly appeared out of nowhere.”

By now the sales agent had arrived at the newsstand, waiting in line. “Now, it's obvious that the news vendor can only serve one customer at a time, and he does that on a first-come, first-served basis. Unfortunately for our traveling salespony, the customer seems to be an elderly stallion who has decided to pay for his purchases in pennies, pennies he has to slowly gather from all his pockets no less.

“Now I ask you, what are the odds of that happening? Next to zero I can assure you. Yet, you can probably guess how many ponies can tell a story very similar to this; many more than should statistically be possible. Can that all really just be a coincidence, or is it possible that there is an unspoken, inseparable correlation between these two customers that can't be separated?

“Maybe it doesn't even have to be a coincidence. Maybe there is an unwritten law I don't know about that forces any pony who runs a store to hire an elderly stallion to come up to the counter and pay in pennies whenever another customer seems to be in a rush. But riddle me this: How come the only four ponies around this crossing are all heading to the same newsstand, inescapably bothering one another.?”

Bon Bon looked around. It was true, all four streets adjacent to the newsstand were completely deserted. The only ponies in sight were the five ponies now collectively waiting at the newsstand.

“Alright, I get your point,” Bon Bon said. “But still, what are we going to do about the newspaper. This is probably going to take forever.”

“By now we're part of the bigger picture ourselves,” Lyra declared. “Our actions are now intertwined with those of the ponies before us in line, and if another customer shows up, we're all going to slow that customer down as a single entity. So I guess what I'm trying to say is, we'll just have to wait.” Next Chapter: My Two Pieces of Eight Estimated time remaining: 50 Minutes