I was defeated! By ponies! Again!

I was at my prime! I had deceived Celestia, corrupted the keepers of the Elements of Harmony, and turned Ponyville into the chaos capital of the world!

On top of that, I'm Discord! Discord! Spirit of chaos and disharmony, with godlike powers at my fingertips! And I was defeated by friendship!

...how does that work, anyways? How can something like friendship turn people into stone? I'm fairly sure that turning people into stone isn't very friendly.

What, I'm not friendly? Of course I'm friendly! I'm the nicest draconequus you'll ever meet! Sure, I might lie to you and try to turn you against your friends, but it's all in fun and games! And, admit it, chaos is fun! Without chaos, you have to follow rules and laws and all of those things. Why limit yourself? Break the rules, eliminate order, maybe throw in a bit of chocolate rain, and suddenly the world turns into a much more entertaining place.

But those ponies! Those accursed ponies! The second I get out of this dratted statue, I'm gonna make sure that they never interfered with the plans of the mighty Discord! Do you hear me, Celestia?! YOU'D BETTER BE HEARING ME!

Speaking of hearing people, have I mentioned how boring it is inside of a statue? I've gotten used to it, having already spent the better part of a millennium inside of one in the past, but that doesn't change that it's incredibly dull. Imagine it as standing in an endless wheat field. Forever. I almost went mad trying to find something to do. But I'm already crazy enough, it comes with the job description.

Is it actually possible to go insane twice? Do you loop back around and regain your sanity? Hope not. That would be no fun.

When we're on the subject of things that are no fun, those new keepers of the Elements. I thought my talents would work. There hadn't been a single individual, pony or otherwise, that the mighty Discord couldn't have tainted, yet this confounded "power of friendship" repaired them?

I swear, is this thing a cure to every single problem on the face of the world? If so, then I definitely need some of it, pronto.

But, it is quite lonely in here. Oh, what I wouldn't give for some company. Any company. I haven't had anyone who actually appreciates me for who I am in centuries. You have to admit, under the right circumstances, I would be a nice person to have around. But no one in Equestria seems to know how to have a good time.

"Love and tolerance". They preach it like it's going out of style, yet no one ever loves or tolerates me. It makes me feel left out. Unappreciated. There has to be someone who enjoys a little bit of chaos...

...isn't there?

...

Bah, who am I kidding? Friendship? Who needs that? Sentimental lamenting is for people who don't have anything better to do! And I have something better to do!

Wait, that's right.

I don't.

Because I'm in a statue.

Couldn't Celestia have, I dunno, given me a duplicate of Equestria to have fun with? I would even be fine with a good book right around now. I know what you're thinking - Discord, the Spirit of Chaos and Disharmony, wanting to read a book? But I'm afraid you don't know how boring it is in here.

All I can do is stare and pace through a blank void. Nothing but black, yet somehow I'm able to see my hands and occasionally my feet in front of my face. All I have to do with my spare time is ponder.

Maybe Celestia's trying to get me to regret what I've done. Like that's going to happen. If anything, she should regret putting me in this statue the first time, then getting her little task squad to do it the second time. She will once I finally get out of this stone prison.

Yes, yes, I understand. I lost because I was too confident in myself, because I underestimated those ponies, blah, blah, blah, just save your breath. I've had plenty of time to think things over, trust me. Kind of hard to do anything else when I'm stuck in a statue. As if you haven't figured that out yet.

Who is it that I'm even talking to, anyways? And, an even better question, why am I even talking to them? Obviously you have nicer things to do with your time than listen to my ramblings. And yet, everyone seems to listen to them anyways. It's strange. Maybe you're actually stuck in a statue somewhere? Got on the princess's bad side? Celestia has a bad habit of encasing people in rocks. It would be funny, if I weren't the main recipient.

Celestia...every time I think of her, that taunting face, my blood boils. I don't turn ponies to stone, I don't send my family members to the moon, yet everyone reveres her as if she were a god! I'M A GOD! NOT HER! IF ANYONE DESERVES YOUR ADMIRATION AND RESPECT, IT IS MOST CERTAINLY NOT THAT LIVING LIE!

Whoops, sorry. As you could imagine, I tend to get worked up when my thoughts roll back to her. Touchy subject. Maybe someone else will turn her into stone. That would be nice. I'd do it if I could, but I'm stuck in one myself.

I'm guessing that, at this point, you're probably sick of hearing me monologue about things you more than likely don't care about. But, being the designated villain and all, it's pretty much a requirement, even though I'm not vile in any sense. As much as I try to convince people that I'm just trying to have some fun, they dismiss it and label me as a bad person. Just because I have abstract methods of entertainment doesn't mean that I'm evil!

I'm afraid that I can't plead anymore. Thanks for listening, by the way. Nice to know that somehow, someone actually cares about what you have to say. Say, speaking of which...

Maybe you can let me free? I can make it worth your while...