Deadpool Vs. Bronies

by Live Light

Chapter 2: Issue #2: A Bad Impression

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Deadpool Vs. Bronies

Issue #2

Previously on Deadpool Vs. Equestria...


The point is, this may not have been a good idea.

And so, after the suspicious escorting of Lyra Heartstrings to Deadpool's apartment, Lyra was finally allowed to not be held in mid-air. This is a good thing, as being in mid-air involuntarily is kind of bad. You get kind of used to it, and soon, you wish to be an astronaut that is not protected by oxygen canisters. Or something.

Then again, Lyra could just levitate herself, and she has common sense, so she isn't in danger of this. Much.

However, she was, at the moment, both curious and annoyed. So she had quite a few questions for Deadpool and Weasel. Mostly things like, 'What's your world like? Why didn't you let me see it? How many humans are there? Why did you assume I was afraid of the dark? Did I hear other humans back there? How advanced is your civilisation? What's the music like, if there's any? Any renowned geniuses, heroes, rogues, all that stuff?'

Deadpool's response was as follows,

"I'd tell you all about this world, but it'd be meta and/or take up the entire chapter."

{But the chapter's allowed to be long, isn't it?}

"Not if it's boring."

Lyra looked confused, and asked, "Did you just say your information takes up an entire chapter of a book, if it isn't boring?"

"...Uh. Sure. What you said," Deadpool answered, I forgot what we're talking about.

Lyra looked sort of disappointed. "Come on, surely you know a lot about Earth?"

{Yeah, Wade. Like that time you told Twilight a lot of things about humans, and stuff?}

I was being meta.

{Thank you for being honest. Idiot.}

"Well, now I have reason to believe," Lyra began, "That there are people out there with information... or, to be safe, I could find a book about it! D'you know where I could find a book?"

"Do I look like the sort who goes to libraries?" Deadpool dead-panned.

"I wouldn't know..." Lyra admitted, "I haven't been to Twilight's library much. But anyway, does your friend over there know one?"

"Eh, maybe, you might as well ask him," he said, before walking off into his room.

Lyra watched him leave, and frowned. She was a little bit annoyed, as, so far, she hadn't received a warm welcome. Deadpool didn't really seem like the friendly sort either. Maybe it was just first impressions. Those are usually proven wrong, right? Right.



I'm sad, now.

Let's continue the story. Please. I beg of you.

{Eh, sure.}


So let it be said... so let it be done.

{When was the last time you used that catchphrase?}


Then Deadpool walked out of his room.

"...Something up?" Lyra asked.

"Yeah, my room is, well, relatively empty," Deadpool said, "All the stuff I had is gone, and there seems to be a little lizard there."

Lyra raised a brow, and looked inside the room.

True enough, the Room was a weird movie. But if it didn't exist, then that moment from The Recluse couldn't exist. That's not necessarily a good thing b-

{No, not The Room, DEADPOOL'S Room.}

That shot for shot home video remake of The Room he managed to convince his friends to help him with?

[They were comfortable with that?]

I didn't do that... yet...


Okay, okay. Still better actors, though.

What should have been Deadpool's room was, in fact, quite empty, yes. The walls, ceiling and floor were undecorated and dusty. There was literally nothing to give the room personality. It was just there. Well, actually, there was some weird thing Lyra noticed. Everything she's seen of Earth seemed nicer than expected.

"Is it me," Deadpool began, "Or does New York seem like it's in some sort of HD... thing?"

"Yeah, it kinda feels like that," Weasel agreed.

"Where have I seen these visuals before? Video games? Movies? Motion Comics?" Deadpool guessed.

"...Uh... you're not thinking... AGAIN... that we're in a video game..." Weasel asked, "Right?"

"Or maybe..." Deadpool said, pausing for dramatic effect, "The Ultimate Universe?"


"...What a very good twist of fate, Autho-"

"Hey, look, I found a note!" Lyra said, taking a note off the wall.

"What does it say?" Weasel asked.

"...Dear Deadpool... We've confiscated your portal, and we'll be using it for research. Additionally, your illegally used equipment is also confiscated. Yours sincerely, ... Ess, Aych, Eye, E, Ell, Dee? Doesn't that spell SHIELD?"

"It does... S.H.I.E.L.D's an organization that keeps the peace," Weasel answered.

"And... illegally used equipment?" Lyra scratched her head, then frowned disapprovingly, "Are you two criminals or something?"

"Uh... well..."


"T-technically... but... we've done good things! And I don't really work with Deadpool that much either... I used to, but now it's just for special occasions... or as he calls them, 'Guest appearances...'


"So what you're saying is... you two criminals came to Equestria... and... managed not to hurt anypony, or come up with schemes that aren't very good for us?" Lyra asked.

"Yeah, we're really not that bad... well, at least, I'm not."


"Ssshhh," Weasel shushed.

"Uuugggghhh..." Deadpool finished... "It's all gone!"

"I know. I know. But you'll get things back."

"Me? Don't forget, Weas, you're still a character! You aren't leavin' that easy!" Deadpool insisted.

"...I have a life to go back to. I can't help you do these things. Plus, I think Lyra would like to go back home now... maybe..." Weasel said, before looking at Lyra, "Uh... do you?"

Lyra frowned, and thought about it.

Weasel thought about rational things. Things Deadpool couldn't even begin to comprehend. Like leaving, therefore not being the 'guest star' for an entire 'comic book.'

Deadpool thought about irrational things. Weasel couldn't comprehend them. Oh no, he'd make sure of that. They'd be so incomprehensible, that nobody would figure out what he was thinking, and what he was thinking about. Because that would be an invasion of privacy if they found out. And they WON'T find out. You know why? Because they just cannot. It cannot work. I'm invincible, and you know it. LEAVE ME ALONE!


Weasel looked at him, shocked. If Deadpool was thinking of something before saying that, then he couldn't comprehend it. It was incomprehensible.

Lyra lost her train of thought, and looked a little bit mad.

"Uh... did everyone stop?" Deadpool asked.

"...I'll stay with you for a while," Lyra decided, "I didn't come here just to go back."

"But... won't everypony back at Equestria be worried about you?" Weasel asked.

"Oh, don't worry! I left a letter back at my house," Lyra explained, "They'll know I'm okay."

What she didn't plan on, however, was placing the letter on the inside of her room, onto the entrance door, which would be the exit door. This is usually left open after it's been open, so it would be hard to see the letter without looking. Plus, it's not been opened anyway, because there's always a sign on the door from outside saying 'Step back- I'm doing SCIENCE!' And naturally, they step back in puzzlement, and slight fear.

"Well, it's good to know everything'll work out okay..." Weasel said, "If they know where you are, they should be here soon." Then, Weasel realized something, "Wait... wasn't the portal we fell through... back there?"

"Back where?" Deadpool asked.

"...The... hive... of fanboys?"

"Yeah, and?"

"...We have to go back..." Weasel said.

"...Yeah... and?"

"To the hive... populated by fanboys."

"Yeah, and?"

Weasel raised an eyebrow, then stopped talking to him, waiting for Deadpool to realize something important. Lyra looked at the two, and scratched her head. Eventually, something occurred to Deadpool.

"Wait..." Deadpool realized, "Oh, dear god, no!"

"Now that I think of it, who's the ruling power here?" Lyra asked, "If it's a god, what's their name?"


"Are you done?" Weasel asked.

"Almost..." Deadpool replied, "...Ag."

Weasel raised an eyebrow.

"I'm good." Deadpool clarified.

"So, have you realized what's wrong with this?"

"We're going into a hive of poisonous Protheans-turned-Collectors, which weren't poisonous before, and we may never come back. We may lose some of our squad members in the process. What about Tali? TALI!?" Deadpool pleaded, "IS TALI GOING TO BE ALRIGHT!?"

"...That's not what this is..." Weasel said, before looking to Lyra, and whispering to Deadpool, "The bronies might want to talk to Lyra, and might not let her go. How's she going to get home after that?"

"I thought you said they were nice people..." Deadpool complained.

"You were listening?" Weasel asked, surprised, "Anyway, I did say they were safe... I also just -assumed- they were safe, okay? They just... seemed alright."

"No, no they did, not, no, no no no. No. Not at all. Negative. Nada. Nerm. Two negatives made a positive, so two wrongs make a right."

"Hmm..." Weasel thought for a moment... "Lyra, do you wanna go back to where we were sometime soon?"

"If you keep me from being eaten by the shadows your red friend is so afraid of, then sure!" Lyra agreed.

"I'm not afraid of the dark!" Deadpool defended, "You're afraid of the dark!"

"Since when?" Lyra asked.

"I don't know. Let's go there again sometime soon."

"Glad to see you have an adventurous spirit," Lyra said.

"I don't know. Let's just end this issue and give newcomers a bad impression."


To be continued in the next issue!

{Where am I?}

You're in the room of Wills being given.

{Oh, okay. What do I get?}

Something Something bequeaths to you...

A boot to the head.


Next Chapter: Issue #3: Dressed to kill. BLEH! Estimated time remaining: 1 Hour, 45 Minutes
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