Deadpool Vs. Bronies
by Live Light
First published
Deadpool has left Equestria... now he has to deal with the fans.
Sequel to Deadpool Vs. Equestria. You might wanna read that before reading this.
Deadpool, our favourite Merc with a Mouth, along with Weasel, has left Equestria. However, he finds that he has ended up in some sort of building filled with Bronies attempting to enter Equestria with a portal, similar to how he ended up there. Along with that, Lyra Heartstrings had decided to follow them. What shenanigans will this trio endure?
[The usual.]
But of course.
{Let's get ready for Round 2.}
[You're really cheesy at times, you know that?]
So let it be said... so let it... be done...
Issue #1: Prologue, and, Welcome to an unfamiliar place
A little heads-up
This is written as his reaction happens. Any and all interruptions Deadpool gives me is beyond my control. My narrative may become argumentative.
He is prone to schizophrenic voices. [This signifies the cranial entity he calls the Yellow Box] {While this is the White box.}
__________________________________________
New York.
It's a relatively okay place to live.
No, really.
Sure, it's big. And it's scary. And those skyscrapers make you wanna climb up and jump off them simply because the feeling of falling is fun. Well, I wouldn't know, I haven't tried it.
Anyway. You would see a lot of interesting things if you existed in the New York we know of. Lemme put it this way... if you're reading this right now, there is no way in hell or Tartarus you can get to the New York I'm talking about.
{They can dream, Ha-}
[Hold on, haven't we already done this before?]
{...You're right... I was almost tricked into repeating myself... I don't like doing that!}
I thought we were combining the original story with this one.
{Remember you decided to make them separate?}
No. Too busy cutting things up as a Blondie-turned-Badass Cyborg Ninja, fighting obvious battles, fighting a weird Mitsurugi look-a-like, fighting a fictional senator of America on steroids. And also wishing the game was longer. I don't feel much accomplishment, it wasn't very stealthy, and it's only fun while it lasts.
{Well, too bad. You have a prologue to write.}
Alright, alright!
As I was saying, this New York had a lot of stuff. Superheroes, Supervillains, invading video game characters from Capcom, Superheroes and villains that invade video game characters from Capcom, and the S.H.I.E.L.D Helicarrier.
{Upcoming information about S.H.I.E.L.D... copied, but not pasted from Wikipedia.}
Red Solo Cup is a song recorded by American country music singer Toby Ke-
{Did you make that mistake again?}
...Fine...
S.H.I.E.L.D is an organization that defends Earth from supernatural threats... I think... to me, they really just seem to be there as some sort of weird governmental agency that happens to be militarised and have weird hairstyles in Marvel: Ultimate Alliance.
The Helicarrier is their floating base. Which is nice.
Nicholas Cage/Joseph 'Nick' ie Minaj Fury of the Sith Lords waited in an interrogation room, as a prisoner, dressed in an orange prisoner jumpsuit with a beige, concealing bag over their head, was escorted into the room.
Nick Fury held a clipboard with a paper containing what was apparently information of the prisoner, looked at it, and frowned, obviously not looking forward to the interrogation with this man. He then looked at the man, who was still obscured by the bag over his head. He nodded to the two guards who escorted the man, and they left the room. He looked to the man again.
"You can remove the bag now," He said.
"I don't wanna," replied the man.
"For this thing to work, you need to be looking at me," Fury insisted, "So take off the bag."
The man crossed his arms, pouting blindly. It did him no good, however, because even when your vision is blinded, you can tell you're getting one of those soul-clutching one-eyed glares, courtesy of Nick Fury.
"Alright, fine!" The man said, before taking his mask off, revealing a red mask, patterned with black circles around the eyes, which were pale, milky white. "What else d'you want me to take off!?"
"...Nothing, Deadpool, I'd like to get through the day without my mind being scarred." Fury answered. "In the meantime, tell me... what were you doing away from Earth, before coming back... then leaving... and once again, returning?"
"I was doing as you described," Deadpool answered, "Leaving, returning, leaving, returning!"
Fury repressed the urge to strangle him, with ease. "Please start from the beginning of your story, if you have one."
"I do have a story!" Deadpool replied, happy that he was able to be through weird events and have something to say about it.
"...Well?"
"Well, what?"
"Tell me what happened."
"...Oh. Alright."
{Begin massive recap of the last fic's events... go!}
"So one day, I tried out a new daily ritual of what to sing when I wake up... *ahem*
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pIT9-Yc66CA
"Good mornin' USA!
I got a feelin' that it's gonna be a wonderful day!
The sun in the sky has a smile on his face,
And he may or may not shine for the Canadian race!
Oh, boy, it's swell to sayyyy,
Good Mornin' USA!"
Fury looked unimpressed.
{So much for being patriotic.}
"So... after that, I found out that Weasel had become attached to a show that, in my opinion, made him lose manliness points. He even made a portal so that he could go to that world. I wasn't aware of that at the time, and at that point, he was forcing me to watch that show, and made me watch an episode of that with a character I'd probably identify with. It was nice of him, but I thought it was still unmanly of him." Deadpool said.
"What was the show called?" Fury asked.
"My... Not MINE, it just has 'my' in the title... Little Pony: Friendship is Witchcraft." Deadpool answered.
Nick raised an eyebrow, either at the fact it was about ponies, or the fact that 'Witchcraft' seemed rather out of place.
"...Or maybe it was Magic, I don't remember." Deadpool clarified.
"Continue." Fury requested.
"Sure. So anyway, I ended up falling through that portal, and I landed in that world he wanted to enter. It was kinda weird. I got turned into a midget horse, like everyone else over there. I guess that's the laws of certain things that we could have known of, but never will. And so I was introduced to the 6 main characters of the show, Twilight Sparkle, whose name reminds one of Stephenie Meyer and brain-dead vampires that glitter, which means they're from commercials, then there was Rainbow Dash, and her name obviously had to do with a Rainbow caused she was Rainbow-y, Pinkie Pie, that one Weasel assumed I'd identify with, she's really hyper, then Fluttershy, she was a shy one, and there was Applejack, who reminded me of Outlaw, and then there's Rarity."
"...Who's that?" Fury asked.
"What's who?" Deadpool asked.
"...Never mind. Get on with the story."
"...Okay, Grouchy. Then, their princess wants an audience with me. And stuff happens, I brutally injure a psycho, yada, yada, you wouldn't believe even that world has psychos, then I become Pinkie's Roomie, then later, we meet a weird philosopher ghost named Wisefree, who's apparently stuck in dimensions, then I find Weasel, and I get him to make a portal. So, that's how me and Pinkie Pie got here the first time."
"And what were your intentions?"
"To have a few parties. Then pretty boy Spider-Man came in and reported this to you guys. Made it seem like a... evil thing or something, I dunno. Then, your S.H.I.E.L.D dudes fly in and kidnap Pinkie, while I have to steal a S.H.I.E.L.D guy's suit, and after getting through a hallucinatory trip when the Author thought it was the end of the world on Two-Thousand and Twelve, I got captured by you guys, then I escaped, and I met that creepy advisor guy you hired, who turned out to be a dimension traveller later, but, oh wel-"
"...What do you mean, that advisor was a dimension traveller?" Nick Fury asked.
"Nothing. Anyway, we escaped, and the shy one was REALLY mad, and she's scarier than you when she's mad. Your glare's soul-clutching, hers is soul-stabbing, ripping, piercing, then nurturing apologetically, then threatening as long as you do your best to stay on her good side. So she had me brought back to the world of ponies, and tried to teach me how to be nice."
"I assume that didn't work," Nick Fury assumed.
"No, it didn't. It just made me wary about friendship stuff temporarily. Me and Weasel prepared to go back home, but then Wisefree and the advisor appeared and pulled me out of existance so Wisefree could take my place, then I ended up in a ruined place, fought an insane clown posse, then got almost killed by Didn'ts."
"...Didn'ts?" Fury seemed confused.
"Yes, you did," Deadpool corrected, serving to throw Nick from 'confused' to 'kind of angry.'
"I meant, what are the 'Didn't' creatures that you encountered?"
"I'll explain in an upcoming chapter, maybe. Then, for reasons I won't explain, I ended up back in that pony place, where me and Weasel left to go to Earth. And a pony obsessed with humans followed us, and, in the process, became a human after falling through that portal. And we landed in a hive of people who wanted to go to the place we left, in a similar way." Deadpool finished, it seemed, as he stopped saying things.
{She's not that obsessive, you jerk.}
[Yeah, she just... felt like going with us!]
...Shutup.
"...So... how have you gotten to this point?" Fury asked.
"Well, I'll tell ya... but know this, Fury... this is the interesting part... so I'm gonna use as much detail as I can here... I'll probably fail, but at least I tried."
_____________________________________________________
DEADPOOL VS. BRONIES
ISSUE #1
Who's going to be narrating when the story is written? Deadpool or myself?
{YOU DECIDE!}
...No, seriously, I don't know...
{U-um... we'll go with you for now, and we'll continue using you until someone says otherwise.
Sadface.
_____________________________________________________
Deadpool, Weasel and the now humanized Lyra stood in the strange base you would usually only see in some sort of movie. At the moment, there were a lot of fans of the show looking at them, and while it would make sense if most of them were looking at Lyra, because a background pony had escaped Equestria and entered Earth, they were mostly focused on Deadpool and Weasel, as they were from Earth (Maybe not the red one), and they had gotten there first.
Meanwhile, Lyra was busy studying Deadpool and Weasel, probably unaware that there were a whole lot of other humans just waiting to be examined as they examined the newcomers. In essence, there was a lot of examination.
"Okay, so, you two are the first humans I've seen, so tell me, how many people wear costumes like you?" She asked Deadpool, not really knowing his name yet.
"Err... well, I'd say the awesome ones, but there's some who really aren't awesome... I'd say it depends on whether you have a unique name that's either alliteration, a pun on words, a pun on your own personality, and whether or not you're the sort of person who would appear on Drawn Together," he answered, "Now, we should REALLY get out of this place, it's, um... what kind of creatures are you most afraid of?"
"Hmmm..." Lyra put her finger to her lips in thought, then, noticing she had done just this on Earth, got a little bit excited, and now could only think of what else she could touch with her new appendages.
"I'm going to assume you're afraid of the dark," Deadpool said, before placing his hands over Lyra's eyes, blinding her, "Weasel, grab the feet."
Weasel did so, and now, Deadpool was holding Lyra with one hand over her eyes, and one on the upper back, with Weasel carrying her by the feet, so they could easily carry Lyra out of the base. Lyra was going to mention she wasn't afraid of the dark, but just experimentally crossed her arms.
"Quickly, escape!" Deadpool yelled, and the two carefully stepped around the Bronies, trying not to drop Lyra, and trying not to get too close to them. As soon as they had reached the room's exit, the Bronies started to confusedly walk towards the group.
"I have a lot of guns, so please step back," Deadpool diplomatically dinsered.
{Huh?}
This convinced the Bronies to step back a little, while the group could walk away. They noticed that their base appeared to be some sort of warehouse. They saw an exit, which was basically an entrance if one entered from outside, and headed towards it.
[And yet, I wonder why they didn't just follow us.]
WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?
[...Whaddya mean?]
I'll tell you about it later.
"Wait..." Weasel hesitated.
"What?" Deadpool asked testily.
"Why do we essentially have Lyra blindfolded while we're escaping from the other Bronies? And... why are we escaping?"
"What's a Brony?" Lyra asked.
"Because that place is where people from the internet gather, that I hope not to be affiliated with once I'm through with these ordeals. Seriously. The internet is not a safe place for these innocent citizens of Equestria." Deadpool replied.
"Neither's New York," Weasel retorted, "Plus, these people seem like the decent sort. Not all fanboys are fat, disgusting slobs. You never saw any of those people in there. Some of us are pretty normal guys."
"You lie!" Deadpool yelled, "Now let's just help Lyra get out!"
"Where?" Lyra asked, "Is there some sort of examination place or something? I've always wondered what human medical tools are like. I hope there's no dentists."
"While trading information about medical tools sounds nice," Deadpool replied, "I think we should go to my apartment first."
"How're we gonna get there?" Weasel asked, "People'll probably see us holding Lyra, and think we kidnapped her! Which we did!"
"Is that what you humans call foalnapping?" Lyra asked, "What else is different? Is it true you say 'Everybody' all the time instead of 'Everypony?'
Weasel looked confused, I thought they said everybody when not referring to ponies... huh.
"Maybe my teleporter's working again?" Deadpool wondered.
"Isn't that short distance?" Weasel asked.
[Ohhh, THIS is what you were talking about.]
"...Great, thanks a lot, you've just ruined the suspension of disbelief," Deadpool said, ungratefully, "Now it won't work! You've ruined our chances of g-"
*Bamf*
In a mint-green flash of light, they were suddenly at a different part of New York. Crowded with a lot of people. It also happened to be near Deadpool's apartment.
Deadpool looked around confusedly.
"Can I stand up, now?" Lyra asked, "I think I deserve it."
"How'd you get us near my apartment?" Deadpool asked.
"Well, I -am- a unicorn!" Lyra said.
Deadpool blanked for a moment, and looked at his hand. For a moment, he thought he had completely ignored the Lyra-coloured horn growing out of her head. Fortunately, his hand was NOT being pierced by the horn.
"And... how did you know where to go?" Weasel asked.
"SUSPENSION OF DISBELIEF!" Deadpool yelled.
"...I just thought about teleporting us elsewhere. Must've been a coincidence," Lyra mused, "So... can I please stand up?"
"In a moment..." Deadpool said, before using his head to motion to Weasel that they were to keep holding Lyra until they got to the apartment. Weasel nodded, and the two, still carrying Lyra and blinding her, went through the building's entrance door.
___________________________________________________
And, just as there was a lot of examining on Earth, back on Equestria, there was a lot of searching for Lyra Heartstrings. Somepony had noticed Lyra's disappearance, and that was her room-mate, Bon-Bon. And so, cultivated a search for Lyra Heartstrings.
[We know who she is, you don't have to say the full name twice.]
Shut up. So, while mostly everypony was dumbfounded about her disappearance, some had guessed that she had taken the portal. Namely, Twilight Sparkle, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, and the Woodland Six, a group of woodland creatures that reside underground near Fluttershy's cottage, consisting of Angel Bunny, Miss Rabbit, Cutie Mouse, Hyper Hamster, Fuzzy Ferret and Tim, who, incidentally, is a cat.
{EEEEXPOSITION!}
So anyway, the three ponies had their own methods of locating Lyra, despite being certain that she wasn't in this dimension anymore. Twilight would sit in her library, looking for a spell that would help her identify a pony... somehow. Fluttershy asked her eagle friends to look for her, while Pinkie Pie spent half the day running around, appearing and disappearing, declaring,
"I AM PINKIESTAR, BEWARE, I LIVE! RUN! RUN! RUN! PARTY, COWARD!"
Needless to say, none of them succeeded. Especially Pinkie, for she had merely frightened countless ponies.
And soon, Luna's moon began to rise over Ponyville. As Twilight drifted off to sleep, she thought more on the issue, and came to realize something...
"The only way to retrieve Lyra... is to go to Deadpool's dimension..." She said, "But who's going to go?"
"Did I hear something?" Spike called from elsewhere.
"...Nothing, Spike. Go to bed."
___________________________________________________
To be continued in the next issue!
{Is it now?}
Why not?
{...Just asking.}
Author's Notes:
And so... I present to you... this sequel to something.
A few things I'd like to clarify...
I had to idea to include that American Dad sequence from imagining Twilight singing that at the beginning of the finale episode, instead of the actual song she sang there.
Go on. Think about it.
I wonder why I included that Spike moment there. Probably because I've neglected him as a character.
A little more couldn't hurt, right?
Issue #2: A Bad Impression
Deadpool Vs. Bronies
Issue #2
Previously on Deadpool Vs. Equestria...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ltmwuY2TcyI
The point is, this may not have been a good idea.
___________________________________________________________
And so, after the suspicious escorting of Lyra Heartstrings to Deadpool's apartment, Lyra was finally allowed to not be held in mid-air. This is a good thing, as being in mid-air involuntarily is kind of bad. You get kind of used to it, and soon, you wish to be an astronaut that is not protected by oxygen canisters. Or something.
Then again, Lyra could just levitate herself, and she has common sense, so she isn't in danger of this. Much.
However, she was, at the moment, both curious and annoyed. So she had quite a few questions for Deadpool and Weasel. Mostly things like, 'What's your world like? Why didn't you let me see it? How many humans are there? Why did you assume I was afraid of the dark? Did I hear other humans back there? How advanced is your civilisation? What's the music like, if there's any? Any renowned geniuses, heroes, rogues, all that stuff?'
Deadpool's response was as follows,
"I'd tell you all about this world, but it'd be meta and/or take up the entire chapter."
{But the chapter's allowed to be long, isn't it?}
"Not if it's boring."
Lyra looked confused, and asked, "Did you just say your information takes up an entire chapter of a book, if it isn't boring?"
"...Uh. Sure. What you said," Deadpool answered, I forgot what we're talking about.
Lyra looked sort of disappointed. "Come on, surely you know a lot about Earth?"
{Yeah, Wade. Like that time you told Twilight a lot of things about humans, and stuff?}
I was being meta.
{Thank you for being honest. Idiot.}
"Well, now I have reason to believe," Lyra began, "That there are people out there with information... or, to be safe, I could find a book about it! D'you know where I could find a book?"
"Do I look like the sort who goes to libraries?" Deadpool dead-panned.
"I wouldn't know..." Lyra admitted, "I haven't been to Twilight's library much. But anyway, does your friend over there know one?"
"Eh, maybe, you might as well ask him," he said, before walking off into his room.
Lyra watched him leave, and frowned. She was a little bit annoyed, as, so far, she hadn't received a warm welcome. Deadpool didn't really seem like the friendly sort either. Maybe it was just first impressions. Those are usually proven wrong, right? Right.
[Objection!]
I'm sad, now.
Let's continue the story. Please. I beg of you.
{Eh, sure.}
[Akay.]
So let it be said... so let it be done.
{When was the last time you used that catchphrase?}
...Shutup.
Then Deadpool walked out of his room.
"...Something up?" Lyra asked.
"Yeah, my room is, well, relatively empty," Deadpool said, "All the stuff I had is gone, and there seems to be a little lizard there."
Lyra raised a brow, and looked inside the room.
True enough, the Room was a weird movie. But if it didn't exist, then that moment from The Recluse couldn't exist. That's not necessarily a good thing b-
{No, not The Room, DEADPOOL'S Room.}
That shot for shot home video remake of The Room he managed to convince his friends to help him with?
[They were comfortable with that?]
I didn't do that... yet...
{...}
Okay, okay. Still better actors, though.
What should have been Deadpool's room was, in fact, quite empty, yes. The walls, ceiling and floor were undecorated and dusty. There was literally nothing to give the room personality. It was just there. Well, actually, there was some weird thing Lyra noticed. Everything she's seen of Earth seemed nicer than expected.
"Is it me," Deadpool began, "Or does New York seem like it's in some sort of HD... thing?"
"Yeah, it kinda feels like that," Weasel agreed.
"Where have I seen these visuals before? Video games? Movies? Motion Comics?" Deadpool guessed.
"...Uh... you're not thinking... AGAIN... that we're in a video game..." Weasel asked, "Right?"
"Or maybe..." Deadpool said, pausing for dramatic effect, "The Ultimate Universe?"
"Huh?"
"...What a very good twist of fate, Autho-"
"Hey, look, I found a note!" Lyra said, taking a note off the wall.
"What does it say?" Weasel asked.
"...Dear Deadpool... We've confiscated your portal, and we'll be using it for research. Additionally, your illegally used equipment is also confiscated. Yours sincerely, ... Ess, Aych, Eye, E, Ell, Dee? Doesn't that spell SHIELD?"
"It does... S.H.I.E.L.D's an organization that keeps the peace," Weasel answered.
"And... illegally used equipment?" Lyra scratched her head, then frowned disapprovingly, "Are you two criminals or something?"
"Uh... well..."
"ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff"
"T-technically... but... we've done good things! And I don't really work with Deadpool that much either... I used to, but now it's just for special occasions... or as he calls them, 'Guest appearances...'
"FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF"
"So what you're saying is... you two criminals came to Equestria... and... managed not to hurt anypony, or come up with schemes that aren't very good for us?" Lyra asked.
"Yeah, we're really not that bad... well, at least, I'm not."
"FFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-"
"Ssshhh," Weasel shushed.
"Uuugggghhh..." Deadpool finished... "It's all gone!"
"I know. I know. But you'll get things back."
"Me? Don't forget, Weas, you're still a character! You aren't leavin' that easy!" Deadpool insisted.
"...I have a life to go back to. I can't help you do these things. Plus, I think Lyra would like to go back home now... maybe..." Weasel said, before looking at Lyra, "Uh... do you?"
Lyra frowned, and thought about it.
Weasel thought about rational things. Things Deadpool couldn't even begin to comprehend. Like leaving, therefore not being the 'guest star' for an entire 'comic book.'
Deadpool thought about irrational things. Weasel couldn't comprehend them. Oh no, he'd make sure of that. They'd be so incomprehensible, that nobody would figure out what he was thinking, and what he was thinking about. Because that would be an invasion of privacy if they found out. And they WON'T find out. You know why? Because they just cannot. It cannot work. I'm invincible, and you know it. LEAVE ME ALONE!
"STOP TRYING TO VIOLATE MY SENSE OF SECURITY!"
Weasel looked at him, shocked. If Deadpool was thinking of something before saying that, then he couldn't comprehend it. It was incomprehensible.
Lyra lost her train of thought, and looked a little bit mad.
"Uh... did everyone stop?" Deadpool asked.
"...I'll stay with you for a while," Lyra decided, "I didn't come here just to go back."
"But... won't everypony back at Equestria be worried about you?" Weasel asked.
"Oh, don't worry! I left a letter back at my house," Lyra explained, "They'll know I'm okay."
What she didn't plan on, however, was placing the letter on the inside of her room, onto the entrance door, which would be the exit door. This is usually left open after it's been open, so it would be hard to see the letter without looking. Plus, it's not been opened anyway, because there's always a sign on the door from outside saying 'Step back- I'm doing SCIENCE!' And naturally, they step back in puzzlement, and slight fear.
"Well, it's good to know everything'll work out okay..." Weasel said, "If they know where you are, they should be here soon." Then, Weasel realized something, "Wait... wasn't the portal we fell through... back there?"
"Back where?" Deadpool asked.
"...The... hive... of fanboys?"
"Yeah, and?"
"...We have to go back..." Weasel said.
"...Yeah... and?"
"To the hive... populated by fanboys."
"Yeah, and?"
Weasel raised an eyebrow, then stopped talking to him, waiting for Deadpool to realize something important. Lyra looked at the two, and scratched her head. Eventually, something occurred to Deadpool.
"Wait..." Deadpool realized, "Oh, dear god, no!"
"Now that I think of it, who's the ruling power here?" Lyra asked, "If it's a god, what's their name?"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Deadpool screamed dramatically.
"Are you done?" Weasel asked.
"Almost..." Deadpool replied, "...Ag."
Weasel raised an eyebrow.
"I'm good." Deadpool clarified.
"So, have you realized what's wrong with this?"
"We're going into a hive of poisonous Protheans-turned-Collectors, which weren't poisonous before, and we may never come back. We may lose some of our squad members in the process. What about Tali? TALI!?" Deadpool pleaded, "IS TALI GOING TO BE ALRIGHT!?"
"...That's not what this is..." Weasel said, before looking to Lyra, and whispering to Deadpool, "The bronies might want to talk to Lyra, and might not let her go. How's she going to get home after that?"
"I thought you said they were nice people..." Deadpool complained.
"You were listening?" Weasel asked, surprised, "Anyway, I did say they were safe... I also just -assumed- they were safe, okay? They just... seemed alright."
"No, no they did, not, no, no no no. No. Not at all. Negative. Nada. Nerm. Two negatives made a positive, so two wrongs make a right."
"Hmm..." Weasel thought for a moment... "Lyra, do you wanna go back to where we were sometime soon?"
"If you keep me from being eaten by the shadows your red friend is so afraid of, then sure!" Lyra agreed.
"I'm not afraid of the dark!" Deadpool defended, "You're afraid of the dark!"
"Since when?" Lyra asked.
"I don't know. Let's go there again sometime soon."
"Glad to see you have an adventurous spirit," Lyra said.
"I don't know. Let's just end this issue and give newcomers a bad impression."
"Wh--"
_____________________________________________________
To be continued in the next issue!
{Where am I?}
You're in the room of Wills being given.
{Oh, okay. What do I get?}
Something Something bequeaths to you...
A boot to the head.
{AUGH!}
Issue #3: Dressed to kill. BLEH!
Deadpool Vs. Bronies
Issue #3
Previously on Deadpool Vs. Bronies...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8gpjk_MaCGM
Speculation from a stereotypical brain muscle eater speculated Lyra's goodbye note was this. They were wrong.
_____________________________________________________________________
Deadpool walked away from his apartment door, wearing a ajwket maed of lethaer, a-
{Wha?}
Sorry... got a bit of a cold...
[Colds result in idiot spelling?]
No, I was coughing.
{No, you weren't.}
[Yes he was!]
{What are you here to do!?}
[To point at people and make the situation rather awkward!]
Seriously though, I was coughing.
{OBJECTION!}
[OBJECTION!]
...
...
...
[This is awkward...]
Quite.
So anyway, Deadpool was... well... dressed smartly. Yes.
The point of this was to do 3 things on his to-do-list.
1. Find Lyra a disguise, consisting of different coloured clothes, hairdye/or, if not possible, a wig/or, if not possible, a totally not-suspicious hair hiding hat/or, if not possible, a suspicious hair hiding hat/or, if not possible, abandon all hope.
2. Buy some more weapons so you can escape the Mike Lin Duckey
escape the Mike Lin Duckway
2. Buy some more weapons so we're actually armed.
3. Find Weasel a Phoenix Wright from Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney cosplay suit (Don't care)
3. Object to everyday occurrences (Done that)
3. Turn Coffee from drink to food (I don't even like coffee)
3. Replace Become Stephen Lynch Klavier Gavin (Gahddahm.)
3. Cosplay as Pinkie Pie at Comic-Con
3. Get Lyra home to Equestria... soon.
4. Cosplay as Pinkie Pie at Comic-Con (Back-up plan if I can't cosplay as a fanboy of myself)
[How would that work?]
"Well, for starters," Deadpool began, "I could find some guy/gal's costume of myself and wear it. Ever thought about that?"
[You don't need to do that, though... you're practically wearing a cosplay of yourself right now under that smart clothing that the Author couldn't be bothered explaining properly!]
... That hurts, bro...
"Well, then I'll wear that costume over my costume!" Deadpool decided.
[But that would be pointless!]
{OBJECTION! You see, for the trailers of our upcoming video game, he's worn two suits!}
{This one, in the first trailer...}
{And THIS one!}
[OBJECTION! If he were to wear a costume over another costume, it'd be pretty uncomfortable, wouldn't it?]
{OBJECTION! No. He could just wear the one he wore in the second trailer over the first one, which is obviously the more comfier looking one.}
[OBJECTION!]
...
...
...
[This is awkward...]
So Deadpool set out to find a clothing store for Lyra's disguise. The plan is to randomly pick any store, ask for some clothing, and, if it wasn't actually a clothing store, either force them to find a clothing store, or become a clothing store.
The former was the most likely.
Deadpool found a clothing store, eventually, but never really bothered to look at the name.
"Yes I d-"
No, you didn't.
It was quite a large place, and it... eh... yeah.
{What's wrong?}
I don't really know what to do here. Right now, I'm angling at just saying Deadpool went in and got a disguise, and end this chapter right here.
{But then, you'll have to describe the clothing he bought.}
No, I won't.
{Yes, you will.}
Damnit, you're right.
Uhm...
The guy at the counter was kinda... slouched, 'cause... he was bored and stuff. And... that stuff... had to do with girlfriend issues. You see, his girlfriend... um... wanted to go to a rock concert... and... uh... he wanted to go to a paper contest... and... ugh, I wish there was a third person around that wanted to do a scissor hunt. But, anyways, yeah, he really wasn't in the mood for tomfoolery. He really wouldn't mind some Jenniferfoolery, but, that's just because his name's Tom, and he really wouldn't like to be made fun of, that's what he calls Tomfoolery.
Jennifer, however, is a person he doesn't really like. Some people have told him that the term 'Jenniferfoolery' made them think that the name of his girlfriend was Jennifer. But in fact, Jennifer was a person who was clingy, terrified, brave, and Cinderella, all in one. This led to her being committed to a mental asylum. But the fact still remains, that she was Cinderella, clingy, terrified and a saleswoman. And that has bothered Tom to this day, because once, he watched Cinderella appear at his sister's birthday, and found out that it was not Cinderella, but a male reclusive person who looked kinda creepy sometimes, and has appeared in the last one before, and that person was so bored he wanted to crush children's dreams. I forget his name.
In addition, he didn't like clingy people either. Because they would cling to people like his ex-girlfriend, Sissi. She would get made fun of, because her name sounded like a gangster called Sissi-Manilli, and was offended that they hadn't noticed her name sounded like 'Sissy,' as in, 'Coward.' So Sissi would hug Tom, because she liked people who dressed up to gather pollen from bee's nests, which she called 'Bee-catchers,' because she thought that's what those people did. Anyway, she liked bee-catchers, because of their fat suits that a person can cling to, and the bee-catcher would not be suffocated. Sissi, was, in fact, delusional, and believed Tom was wearing such a thing as skin. People caught on to this, and she was also committed to a mental asylum.
Tom also had another girlfriend, who was terrified of many things, and was actually called 'Sissy.' You see, at the time of her parents thinking of a name for her, it sounded like a good idea at the time. No matter what opinion you now have of those parents, they are good people, for they are large anthropomorphic mice who save days every day of the week, called 'Mighty Mice,' called by grateful citizens as 'Rip-offs of Mighty Mouse.' These parents were then committed to a mental asylum, because obviously, they weren't mice. Sissy was then ret-conned, and her name became April Yink, and she was no longer terrified of things. A day after Tom met Sissy, she had become April Yink, and had been committed to a shoelace asylum to be used as a recurring character.
Now, as for the saleswoman probl-
{WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!?}
...I'm... making a description of Tom... the guy at the clothing store counter...
{You're effectively avoiding the plot of this story just so you can talk about unrelated people!}
[Ha, plot.]
{Quiet, you.}
Not really.
{...But... yes, you are.}
Well, not really!
{But yes you are.}
But no!
{But yes!}
No!
{Yes...!}
No!
[SHUT UP!]
You shut up, Dallywhacker!
[My name's not Dallywhacker, it's mawpfihwaengpjaewga-]
Whatever. Fine, I'll make it relevant to the story!
Anyway, after mentioning all of those things I said about Tom's love-life, we've established he was bored, and that's why he was slouching. At the moment, to make him feel exciting, he was wearing a nice fedora hat, jeans, and a dress shirt with a sleeveless sweater on. So now, he looked like a golfer. The only thing that made him not look like a golfer were his fedora and the dangerous looking nailed bat he had in one hand what
"Why do you have a-" Deadpool began asking.
"Nailed bat? I'm bored..." Tom replied. Oh wait, we're not supposed to know him yet...
"Actually, I'm curious about the golf uniform. It's kinda weird. Nailed bats are kinda weird, but useful!"
"...Oh, this? Also because I'm bored..." He replied.
"Uh huh..." Deadpool insincerely agreed, "Hey, do you have any female-sized clothing like the sort where in those movies that turn out to be really bad, they dress this human-looking alien, octopus, Mass Effect 4's likely protagonist, all that stuff?"
Tom raised an eyebrow, and almost felt glad for a second, until he decided that this guy wearing red spandex under an admittedly stylish maroon pin-stripe suit that was finally described, was screwing with him.
"Sir, we have female-sized clothing like the sort female people wear, will that do?" He asked.
"Damnit..." Deadpool said, disappointedly, "Alright fine, that'll do. Do you have a suspicious hair-hiding hat?"
Eyebrow raise.
"...No, wait, that comes later..."
Other Eyebrow raise.
"Do you have any hairdye?" Deadpool correctly asked.
"No, but there's a hair salon next to this shop," Tom replied.
"Fahk..." Deadpool cursed. Tom would normally have advised Deadpool not to curse, but he didn't know his name, so wasn't particularly bothered.
"Do you have wigs?" Deadpool asked.
Tom kneeled down, and emerged holding a multicoloured afro one would find a clown wearing.
"PERFECT!" Deadpool cried.
"...That was a joke," Tom deadpanned.
"Huh!?"
"I get the feeling you're buying this for someone, maybe your sister, your girlfriend, your friend, your partner, your unbeneficial friend, because friends with benefits can do these things for themselves, and..."
"If I can't use that wig... do you have any OTHER wigs!?" Deadpool pleaded.
"If you look behind you, there's a row of wigs with different colours," Tom answered, pointing behind Deadpool.
Deadpool teleported (Tom was busy wondering about life and didn't see that) to the wigs, and began decision time.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vXGhvoekY44
Hmm. I think we'll talk about Tom some more while we wait for Deadpool to make a decision.
{OH COME ON!}
You see- What is it, Kebert?
}?em llac uoy did tahW{
You seem to have a problem with me talking about Tom, when Deadpool is clearly making a decision.
{Don't you already get the idea that you already know what Deadpool's thinking about?}
This?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fR8cI4HHUvQ
{...Well, now he is.}
[The point is, that you can make him decide whenever you want.]
Deadpool picked a wig, and held it. "What about this one?"
{That's the same colour as Lyra's hair.}
"What about that one?"
{That is a cat.}
"Tom!" Deadpool called. ...wait... "NPC!" Deadpool called, "There's a cat here!"
"Yup."
"...Okay..." Deadpool accepted. "I can't choose," He decided.
Deadpool decided to walk over to Tom, the guy at the counter. "I've decided to walk over to the guy at the counter," he said. He walked over to the counter. He decided to ask if there's any cool hats. "I'm going to ask if there are any cool hats. Are there any cool hats?"
{Isn't this that documentary about Ivan Lachrymose?}
[Who's Ivan Lachrymose?]
{I have special eyes.}
[No.]
"Yes, we do have hats. Will this grey fedora do?" Tom said, kneeling and emerging with a grey fedora.
"No, too suspicious," Deadpool said, "Anything else?"
"We have a chicken cap," Tom replied.
"Not suspicious enough..." Deadpool said, "Anything else?"
Tom frowned, kneeled down, and emerged, holding a cyan knit cap with the words PaPa written on it, and a weird circular emblem that looks like a cartoon face going like :O.
{Hey, isn't' that Phoenix Wright's cap in Apollo Justice? Like, the sort Weasel needs to make part of his cosplay?}
"I'll take that one for myself!" Deadpool decided, before being handed the cap.
{Well, that's generous. Getting a knit cap for We-}
I said for myself. This ain't for Weasel.
{I find it really weird how I'm a voice in your head, and yet we don't think alike.}
"Hm... Can I have another one like that, only like this?" Deadpool asked.
"...Okay," Tom agreed, even though he didn't see what he was supposed to be seeing.
SUSPENSION OF DISBELIEF! STOP RUINING IT!
Be quiet. So, Tom went and got that.
"You said you were looking for female clothes, right?" Tom asked.
*Time warp 10 minutes later*
"Got 'em!" Deadpool said returning.
"Got what?"
"I don't know, but I have clothes!"
"Alright, cool," Tom said.
"I'll be going now!" Deadpool said, walking off.
"See ya." Tom said.
And so Deadpool left the store, oblivious to the alarm behind him, seeing as how he didn't really bother paying money.
Tom scratched his head wondering why there was an alarm. About a minute later, realization struck him in the head.
"Oh, right. Stop right th- Ah, forget it..." Tom said, rubbing his face.
_____________________________________________________________________
"So, let me get this straight," Weasel began, "You went in there to get Lyra a disguise... you were told you could have spent a little money by going to a hair salon to find something to change Lyra's hair colour... you didn't, probably because you couldn't be bothered... you couldn't find a wig you wanted... you got a knit cap... you... LEFT... without even PAYING... and you didn't think to ask if they had any clothes I could use for the cosplay?" Weasel asked.
Deadpool shuffled, slightly nervously, hiding the knit cap behind him, "Sorry, Weas, it didn't fit on my three steps on the to-do-list..."
Weasel inhaled. "...Fine... but make sure you actually pay next time," he said, before walking off.
Deadpool sighed in relief, and went to his room, sitting on the computer chair, wondering what to do next.
[How did you carry all that? You didn't bring a bag.]
H-huh? Oh, damni-
"Suspension of disbelief?" Deadpool attempted.
{OBJECTI-}
[OBJECTION!]
...
...
...
[...So awkward...]
_________________________________________________________
To be continued in the next issue!
{Idon'tknow}
Author's Notes:
Well, this took a while.
I finally did it, though.
*Eats cereal*
Issue #4: Returned to Sender
Deadpool vs. Bronies
Issue #4
Previously on Deadpool vs. Equestria...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pYdPpHms2fY
_________________________________________________________________________
Although Deadpool had his own to-do-list, which he tailored to his preference, Weasel had his own, which he didn't edit. This one wasn't for finding Lyra clothes (Because that was Deadpool's job) but his one was to help Lyra get home by finding different places. Except, he didn't actually know where the nearest portal was, seeing how his one was gone.
{Why?}
[S.H.I.E.L.D confiscated it didn't they?]
{Oh, right.}
Incidentally, a cat. ...Wait.
Incidentally, Weasel was in the middle of writing that very to-do-list. To help him think, he listened to one of his favourite song in this continuity. It's probably not his actual favourite songs, so it's just one of them. Yes.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xVquW488wns
After a while, Weasel had come up with 3 points for his to-do-list.
1. Get Lyra used to Earth so she has a fair amount of experience.
2. Identify a portal to Equestria (Hopefully besides the bronies at that warehouse)
3. Find the safest way to get Lyra there undetected, and trouble is gone.
Weasel, feeling proud of himself, nodded, and looked at the door of the room he was sitting in. This wasn't really his room seeing how this belonged to Deadpool's apartment, so he was inside the guest room. Deadpool had nearly no use for this guest room. And by Nearly, I mean, Absolutely, and by Absolutely, I mean, my novel.
Looking at the aforementioned door, he found that, at that moment, an envelope was pushed through. It was a red envelope with Deadpool's symbols on. At least he knew who it belonged to. He went over to the envelope, opened it, and looked at the letter inside.
Dear Weasel,
Here is MY to-do-list, which will be a much better decision than yours, because this had a really cool envelope.
1. Get Lyra used to Earth so she has a fair amount of experience.
2. Teach Lyra how to use a gun.
3. ?????
4. PROFIT!
Yours truly,
Deadpool
P.S: We're going with this one, because if we don't, I'm going to punch you in the neck with a knuckleduster on my knuckles. And I might place some spikes on it. You like pointy things don't you? No? Well, let's go with my one.
Deadpool
P.S.S: By the way, stop that Elvis racket. You ain't returning this letter to sender.
Deadpool
P.S.S.S: Am I supposed to write my name every time I place a P.S?
Deadpool
P.S.S.S.S: I'm gonna assume I am.
Deadpool
P.S.S.S.S.S: Wait, wait, wait, Lemme try something...
Deathstroke
P.S.S.S.S.S.S: That was so weird... I like it.
Deadpool
Weasel sighed, looked at the to-do-list he wrote, then at Deadpool's, then went over to his to-do-list and tore it up, sighing again, with more sorrow into it. He then sat on his chair wondering what to do now.
___________________________________________________________________________
Deadpool sat in his room playing a 7th generation video game console. He always didn't pay much attention to its appearance, and just decorated it to look like Deadpool property like he did with his envelope recently. His logic to this was that if he played a video game console other than the other console, then the fans of the other console will get mad.
{It's a [REDACTED] by the way. Just so you know.}
{Wait. What? Why can't I say [REDACTED]?}
[You just did.]
{No, I mean the thing this redaction is redacting! Why not!?}
Because I can't choose! DOES HE PLAY THE GREEN THING THAT PEOPLE PLAY, OR DOES HE PLAY THE THING THAT HAS HAD THREE VERSIONS OF ITSELF AND IS GETTING A FOURTH ONE LATER THIS YEAR!? THAT PEOPLE PLAY!?
[He doesn't have to choose. We chose for him.]
{You... you cruel... geniuses... I'll never forgive you!}*
[You're leaving?]
{...Why would I leave?}
[Damn it.]
Deadpool got bored because he could, and stopped playing. He looked around the room, and happened to look behind him, at the door to the room he was sitting in. The... living room. Behind him was the guest room. And at just that moment, his envelope fell out of the guest room's door. Because... for some reason, he had there be that space where people insert mail. But anyway, he wondered why his envelope returned.
So he got up, and went to it, picking it up, and opening it.
Dear Deadpool,
Fine. Want to do this your way? We'll do it your way, but when this place, or THAT place gets blown up because your teachings of gunplay to an innocent... I don't know her age, then don't come crying to me.
What's the point of leaving an entry in a to-do-list blank? What does ????? mean? What are we supposed to do when that happens?
I was hoping that, for once, you'd be a little more generous, helpful, maybe a bit less criminal, more innocent, just for once! But wouldn't that be asking for too much?
Just... we'll do it your way, but make sure nothing bad happens to Lyra. We don't want an entire dimension getting mad at us because someone put one of their inhabitants in danger.
Yours sincerely,
Jack "Weasel" Hammer
Deadpool thought carefully about his response.
___________________________________________________________________
Weasel waited, and eventually, the red envelope fell through the guest door. He opened the envelope a second time, and looked at the letter.
Dear Weasel,
RETURN TO SENDER
ADDRESS UNKNOWN
ALL THAT STUFF.
RETURNED TO SENDER, YO.
Yours sincerely,
Deadpool
____________________________________________________________________
Deadpool received a response back.
Dear Deadpool,
No, come on. Give me an actual answer. Now it just seems like you're not sure about this idea either and you're avoiding me to avoid being ridiculed. Just give me an answer that tells me you want to go through with this.
Your rather agitated friend,
Weasel
_____________________________________________________________________
The response was as follows...
Weasel...
What is this 'innocent' you speak of?
Yours sincerely,
Deadpool
_____________________________________________________________________
It was at this moment that Weasel had one of those moments, where people have moments, like other people have these moments I'm talking about, where they have moments where they have sudden surges of confidence... for a moment. Momentarily, after taking a moment to read Deadpool's response, he took a moment to stand up, and walked out of the guest room in a rather quick moment, thus ending this paragraph filled with moments, great moments that we will momentarily treasure... for a moment.
Weasel's confidence brought him to walk over to Deadpool (Well, yelling at the back of his head, he was still sitting on his couch), and say rather loudly,
"WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM!? IF WE'RE GOING TO DO THESE THINGS, WE SHOULD DO THIS RESPONSIBLY! THIS IS NOT THE SORT OF THING TO BE TAKEN LIGHTLY! WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF SHE WAS A LOT YOUNGER!?"
After finishing that statement/range of questions/lecture/moment, Weasel realized two errors in his judgement.
1. That he had yelled at Deadpool, who, like him, was a criminal, but was definitely deadlier, seeing how Weasel never does work in the field, and is more of an advisor.
2. That he had brought up the subject of children. Babies have a tendency to creep Deadpool out, but children are among the many things he doesn't shoot. And... actually, that 'many' isn't really that many. In fact, it's quite a few.
Bringing children into this was a big mistake. Sure, it could have made him think, but Lyra was, in fact, not a child, but a young adult, and hypothetical thinking made Deadpool angry. I think.
Deadpool sat up from his couch, and turned to face him. Deadpool cracked his neck, then his knuckles, then his toes for good measure, and said to Weasel,
"What was have here... is a failure to communicate..."
Weasel stared at him, not frightfully, in fact, it was frightfully momentarily, then it became confused, then slightly annoyed, slightly frightful, for a moment.
"That's not right! It's 'What we've got here is failure to communicate!'" He corrected, "Not 'Have', there's no 'a,' it's We've Got' without an 'a'!"
"Guys..." A voice called from another room. This room was Deadpool's room. Deadpool's room, before S.H.I.E.L.D confiscated the weapons, was only really used to utilize the weapons inside it. There was no furniture besides tables and chairs in it, I'm hoping, and Deadpool pretty much lived, ate, and slept in the living room of his apartment area. So because it was empty, it was where Lyra was staying for the duration of her stay in this place. So naturally, the voice from that room was Lyra.
Footsteps were heard after her voice was heard, and out walked a rather angry looking Lyra.
Weasel had the feeling Lyra was angry because they were arguing for her sake. Deadpool thought something that Weasel and Lyra didn't think. It wouldn't be that interesting if he could read their minds and figure out what they were thinking. And so they found out what she was so angrily curious about.
"Have you ever thought about what I might need to like it here?" She asked.
"...Getting home?" Weasel asked.
"Living here?" Deadpool asked.
Lyra's expression deadpanned. "You know how I like playing the lyre?" She asked.
"Yes?" Weasel acknowledged.
"Nope," Deadpool admitted.
"Is there a chance..." Lyra began, "That one of you... could get a lyre?"
"A truly tremendous lyre?" Deadpool asked for confirmation.
"No, just a lyre will do," Lyra answered.
"Is this all this is going to be about?" Deadpool asked, "I mean, it's not like this is called Deadpool vs. Bronies because I'm doing things for a lodger who's paying nothing..."
"I don't have any of your currency, remember?" Lyra replied, "And... huh?"
{No, don't worry, there's going to be things in the next chapter that has nothing to do with us momentarily.}
"But I want things to do with me..." Deadpool whined.
"And I'm not whining, I'm complaining!"
[You are whining.]
"Well, if you have the time to start talking to yourself in self-pity, you have the time to go out and get me a lyre," Lyra said with a satisfied smile, "Only until I have the chance to buy things for my own, if I'm here long enough. What do you say?"
"No."
"Well, too bad," Lyra said, before using her magic to levitate Deadpool, with him surrounded in a light-green aura as he was carried in mid-air to the door. Weasel walked over to the door, and opened it before Deadpool could collide with it, and, as soon as he was outside the apartment area, Weasel closed the door, and Lyra dropped him.
Deadpool sat outside his apartment door, looking at the door, then the hallway.
"This is one of those times in which I wish I was one of those silent characters in those cartoons, so that the animator, or Author, in this case, is good at having me do things without a voice actor," He said to himself.
This isn't Bad Days.
"Yeah, I guess you're right," Deadpool said, before getting up. "I wonder if I'll see any interesting weirdoes in the next issue..." he wondered.
I don't think so.
{Why not?}
I still don't have that chunk of my brain which allows me to be motivated...
{Well, keep looking.}
Ugh... fine.
________________________________________________________________________
To be continued in the next issue!
Issue #5: A rather crashing moment
Deadpool Vs. Bronies
Issue #5
Previously on Deadpool Vs. Equestria...
Deadpool and Weasel arrived back on Earth after the events of Deadpool vs. Equestria, accidentally taking background pony Lyra Heartstrings with them. Now, Lyra is a roommate until they can get her back home. But Deadpool has plans... plans we won't know about till later... plans even he doesn't know...
And I suddenly decided every five issues there's an actual 'Previously' now.
___________________________________________________________________________
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5SgT5dBvG5g
Deadpool walked out of the apartment building, and looked around. In the previous issue, he was asked by Lyra to get her a lyre, seeing how it was her trademark musical instrument that her name coincidentally related to. So he was going to have to go to a music store to find one. He realized he'd never been to a store of such things, and checked in his pocket, and found a map of New York. At the moment, there should be construction going on at his very location. He then realized that this was a map for a defunct theme park. He wanted to object to this situation by saying that New York is a theme park to him, but remembered that he'd been to a Theme Park named Murderworld, and the Ringmaster, Arcade, was easily angered when he told him, 'I know. Carnival's always slay me,' ruining Deadpool's fun.
Deadpool then came up with another solution to his problem, walked in front of the road, and threw the nearest rock at the nearest incoming car. Thankfully, the nearest rock was pretty near, and the nearest car wouldn't hit him till 5 seconds, and so he threw that rock at that car, and the driver instantly stepped on the brakes. It ran Deadpool over momentarily because it couldn't stop in time, but Deadpool was only injured with a few broken ribs that would be fixing themselves pretty soon.
The driver of the car exited his vehicle, and looked Deadpool, who picked himself up from off the ground.
"I'd ask if you're alright," the man said, "But you threw a rock at me! I need to get to work!"
The only thing Deadpool took of note was that he was wearing a yellow sweater and jeans.
"Do you know any directions to the nearest musical store?" Deadpool asked.
"Why should I tell you?" The man asked resentfully.
"Because I'm the one who looks like he's from the military spandex peoples, and you don't want to be shot, do you?" Deadpool countered. This instantly made the man realized that Deadpool meant serious business, and quickly spilled the beans, figuratively and literally, seeing how he was holding a bottle of dried beans because we needed at least one eccentric person and I wanted to break a promise.
"Uh... over there..." The man pointed in the direction he was going, "I... work at the music store..."
"Oh, even better," Deadpool said, "If you don't mind, I'm going to go Grand Theft the nearest auto, and your auto is nearest to me, so..." Deadpool then rushed over to the man and punched him in the face, with enough force to knock him out for a few seconds, and then jumped through the window of the car, brushed off some shards that got into him because jumping through glass windows really is inadvisable, and drove off.
_____________________________________________________________________________
Meanwhile, in Equestria...
As mentioned in the first issue, Twilight had decided that it was time to visit Earth. They were aware that they would change into a human form when stepping foot into the unfamiliar planet (It's unclear why these things happen, but the best explanation is probably some form of molecular adaption caused by temporal energy that happens to be unnecessary), and it may take a bit of getting used to, but the idea was, if Pinkie Pie could get used to it, and Fluttershy could deal with it momentarily, then all of them could deal with it. But just to be safe, it was Pinkie's job to help them all get the hang of humanity.
After Fluttershy mentioned that she was able to keep her wings, they had theorized that they could keep things such as pegasus wings and unicorn horns (Earth Ponies wouldn't look different from humans), and so they had decided, that Rainbow Dash could scout the city looking for anything suspicious, Fluttershy could talk to the animals to help with directions, Twilight could purchase books and read about human culture, Rarity could do that helpless new fashionable lady who needs help carrying luggage act, Pinkie Pie could still tell them what human stuff is like, and Applejack... could... do the same as Rainbow Dash but on the ground.
They took a moment to say their goodbyes, Twilight said goodbye to Spike and Owlysious, Fluttershy said goodbye to her animals, Applejack said goodbye to the Apple family, Rarity said goodbye to Sweetie Belle, Pinkie said goodbye to Mr and Mrs Cake, and Rainbow Dash said goodbye to Scootaloo. That's a lot of goodbyes, but still, those things are necessary.
Due to Lyra Heartstring's disappearance, they decided to preserve the portal from Earth that Weasel had built until they knew exactly what to do with it. The Element Bearers had decided it was time to enter a completely different environment. One that was probably a little forgiving, and yet, not. They activated the portal, and looked into the swirling miasma of timey-wimey things.
"Ready, girls?" Twilight asked, looking to her best friends.
"Ready!" Rainbow Dash acknowledged.
"Ah'm ready!" Applejack replied.
"Ready!" Pinkie exclaimed.
"As long as it's not too dull, and quite shiny, yes, I most certainly am!" Rarity confirmed.
"Kinda..." Fluttershy squeaked.
"On the count of three..." Twilight said...
"One...
"Two...
"THREE!"
______________________________________________________________
Meanwhile, Deadpool thought about a few things, as he stared at a brick wall from the car's front window. He had crashed this man's car, just so he could get to his store. And the thing wrong with this... he wasn't sure. He was trying desperately to think of the consequences. Surely the police officers would let him off, and he could just use insurance?
{I know what the problem is.}
Really? Tell me, tell me!
You don't have a driver's licence.
Yes, I do, it's...
[He's searching... give him time...]
"Ah ha! Here it is!" Deadpool said, holding up a driver's license that he found under the mat beneath his feet along with a nickel in an ashtray and a couple pennies and a dime in the space between the seats.
{Good. Now look at it.}
Deadpool looked at it.
"A...AGH!" Deadpool recoiled in shock exaggeratedly, realizing his mistake.
[What happened? The Author is being deliberately vague...]
{It's not his driver's license. It's the driver's license of the guy he stole the car from.}
[Then... the police officer's are gonna accuse him of grand theft of an auto?]
Is that even a term?
[Why wouldn't it be?]
"Well, at least I parked right next to the music store..." Deadpool stated.
{Well, get out, before the bloody police catch us!}
Deadpool gets out of the car, and kicks it for causing him trouble, taking the driver's license with him for some reason, and walking into the music store.
Inside, he hears power metal being played on a nearby radio. Pretty great. Deadpool examines the store, and can only really see electric guitars, a guitar-themed keyboard piano, a guitar-themed computer, and a guitar-themed electric guitar.
{THIS IS THE WRONG STORE!}
"It is?" Deadpool asked himself.
{It's a store for metal... there's not gonna be any lyres here at all... WE'RE DOOMED!}
"Geez, stop being a drama queen..."
{I'm a drama KING.}
"Right. In any case, maybe we should just ask that guy over there, see if he at least has a guitar-themed lyre?" Deadpool suggested.
{THAT'S STUPID!}
[Stupid does as stupid is. Or maybe I'm thinking of something else... oh, right, superbowl!]
Deadpool walked over to the guy behind the counter in the hopes that, having electric guitars and guitar-themed instruments, he'd have a guitar-themed lyre. The guy looked devoid of energy at first glance, and the only thing Deadpool paid attention to at that moment was the nametag on the shirt that said,
Hello! My name is
EUGENE
"Eugene," Deadpool began, "Do you have any lyre-themed guitars?"
{Other way around.}
"Guitar-themed lyres?" Deadpool corrected himself.
Eugene looked at him,
Deadpool looked back...
And he looked at him,
and he looked at him,
and he-
{It doesn't work unless it's a first person narrative.}
Damn... it was going so good, too...
"I'm sorry... what'd you want again?" Eugene asked.
Deadpool looked at Eugene, noticed he wore glasses and had greasy black hair, and repeated, "Ketchu- I mean, Guitar-themed lyres?"
Eugene looked confused. "What d'you mean?"
"W-well..." Deadpool motioned to the inside of the store, "There's electric guitars and... electric guitar themed... non-stringed instruments! Y'know!?"
Eugene took a moment to look around the place. "Oh... that explains it..."
"Huh?"
"I'm sorry, I don't work here, I'm actually a librarian. Bye." And then he walked off.
Deadpool just stood there.
{I think you should look for it now.}
______________________________________________________________________________
"See, this is how it works..." Weasel began, holding small toy cars while Lyra listened with an eager expression. Weasel was in the middle of telling Lyra about cars, and the difference between cars and toy cars.
"These are small..." Weasel said, indicating the toy cars... "But the ones out there..." He pointed outside the window to indicate the cars driving past the apartment outside... "Are far away..."
Lyra took a moment to think about it...
"Small..." Weasel repeated, indicating the cars, then to the window, "Far away..."
Lyra seemed to have come up with a realization, apparently realizing how the cars on Earth are different from vehicles in Equestria...
"So the normal ones are for you, and the small ones are for any miniscule people, or perhaps intelligent animals?"
Weasel was happy this was his first time explaining it. Lyra was starting to notice that the cars were different, but he had to tell her the rest about the toy cars.
"You know how some toys have these little interactive features that make them fun?" Weasel questioned, to which Lyra nodded with a smile. "These cars are notable for being toys as well... and what's also notable, is that they're virtually useless." Lyra raised an eyebrow.
"You see, the idea of having a little car is probably appealing to a kid, or a collector of these things, but these don't work like our cars do... our cars have motors.... these don't. The way they move is being pushed by a human's hand, and the wheels move from being pushed along the ground. Plus, if you liked action figures and wanted to give them a car, you might as well make your own toy car, because the action figures are usually not small enough to enter these cars, if their doors even open... and if the doors DO open, it's useless as no human-resembling toy can enter."
"So..." Lyra began, "These little cars are just replicas made to pass time?"
"Yeah, pretty much..." Weasel said, relieved she understood this, and that she's learning about the human world.
"Why didn't you say so?" Lyra asked, "We have carriage replicas for passing the time back in Equestria!"
"...Why didn't YOU say so?" Weasel asked, "Aren't these basically the same thing?"
"Yeah, but they look nothing alike, save for those little wheels, but they're missing some strong, hunky stallions pulling the carriages."
"That's another thing... a carriage needs somepony to pull it, right?"
"Yeah?"
"Why would you pull a carriage for a pony inside the carriage who could just pull the carriage with you?"
"...I dunno, I never tried a carriage before. I guess I always thought there'd be some strong, hunky stallions pulling carriages..." Lyra answered.
"Why's that?" Weasel asked.
"...I dunno. Hunky's... good. Strong's okay."
"...'kay then."
And then they both heard the entrance door open. They both looked at it, and, after about five seconds, Deadpool walked in, carrying two things...
1. A stereo CD player.
2. A guitar.
"Hey guys! I'm back!" Deadpool greeted.
"...Where's the lyre?" Lyra asked.
"Right here!" Deadpool said, motioning to the guitar with his head.
"Deadpool, did you suffer concussion on your way there? You realize that's a guitar, not a lyre, right?" Weasel asked.
{It's not even a lyre-themed guitar.}
"This is all they had that resembled a thing on strings!" Deadpool replied. "And a guitar and a lyre are basically the same thing, right?"
"...No, Deadpool, they're not..." Lyra said, "You remember my special talent is the lyre? I don't think I can use a guitar at all!"
"Show me proof that they're entirely different!" Deadpool requested.
"Okay. Where would you find proof for such things as that?" Weasel asked
"...The Internet?" Deadpool answered.
"No. Common sense. And if that fails you, where do you look?" Weasel asked.
"...Stark Industries?"
"The Internet!" Weasel corrected.
[...really]
_____________________________________________________________
5 minutes later
_____________________________________________________________
"Okay, this is a YouTube video of someone playing a lyre..." Weasel said, clicking on one of the links he found in the YouTube search 'Lyre.'
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w5Q6OObqZKE
"It sounds great," Lyra commented, "Looks like humans know what true art can be like too!"
"And this is what an electric guitar sounds like..."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YT17yaeZ-Ys
Lyra rubbed her ears.
"...Okay... so they're both a little different..."
He got two glares.
"A LOT different... but... the guitar was the closest thing I could find..."
Lyra sighed, "It's fine... I can try to get used to it. I might even be able to find an actual lyre later... it's just a bit of a drag not having my trusty old lyre with me..."
"Why didn't you take it with you?" Weasel asked.
"It was a decision I made impulsively after seeing you two were leaving, I didn't have a lot of time to think about a holiday..."
"Well... how's Earth so far?" Deadpool asked.
"I dunno. Been stuck too much on Planet Deadpool," Lyra replied, "All I know is that things are different, I feel a bit taller, and 'cars' are useless..."
"TOY cars..." Weasel corrected.
"Aw, c'mon! What about those awesome mini-cars you bought for me when I saw them on that commercial one day?" Deadpool asked.
"I pulled them out of a closet, cleaned the dust off the unopened box and demonstrated them to Lyra," Weasel replied.
"...They weren't what I thought they would be..." Deadpool defended.
"You didn't even open them!"
"I didn't have to, I could tell from the box I couldn't even get my fingers into them..."
"...You were expecting... ACTUAL cars?"
"Guys..." Lyra interrupted, "...Don't you think it's time I had a look outside for once? Just to... get my bearings? I don't really... like living in an unclean apartment..."
"What if they recognize her?" Weasel whispered to Deadpool.
"Don't forget I brought the disguises..." Deadpool whispered back.
"Yeah... but what if they think it looks weird and try to see that she's disguising herself?"
"We feel happy that life won't be troubling us any longer, Weasel, what else?"
"...So..." Lyra said... "Can I go outside soon?"
"Sure thing Lyra!" Deadpool answered.
"Deadpool, it's nearly midnight..."
"Agh, damnit, how does time work in this universe!?" Deadpool screamed.
Whichever way makes sense to me, really.
"We can let Lyra see what the outside is in the morning, if you want..." Weasel accepted, "It'll probably be a bit dangerous at night here in New York..."
"Nonsense, Weas. What's the worst that could happen?" Deadpool asked.
"You know how you're a super-powered criminal?"
"...Yyyyeaaah?"
"We could run into a super-powered villain. And a certain pony turned human might get hurt. You wouldn't want to get in trouble for that, would you?" Weasel asked.
"...N...no... I guess not..." Deadpool answered dejectedly.
"Thought so. We should all get a good night's sleep," Weasel said.
"You're still sleeping on the floor," Deadpool said.
"Fine..."
"Where am I gonna sleep? The room I've stayed in has nearly nothing in it!" Lyra stated.
"There's not even a bed in there?" Weasel asked.
"I've never needed a bed, I kept my weapons there, remember?" Deadpool said, shrugging, "Lyra can probably sleep in the guest room, I'll sleep on the couch, and as always, you sleep on the floor! Great plan, right?"
"...Yeah. Great plan..." Weasel sarcastically agreed.
"Alright... Night, everybody..." Lyra said, walking over to the guest room.
"I'll go off to the couch, then..." Deadpool said, walking off.
"Hold it!" Weasel demanded. "I said 'Hold it!'"
"Okay... what?" Deadpool asked.
"I need a moment of time, so I can explain this to you..." Weasel told him.
"...Ugh..." Deadpool groaned, slamming both of his hands into his face and shaking his head. "Make it snappy, I'm sleepy..."
Just moments ago, you wanted to go outside with Lyra... Weasel thought. He took a moment to reach into his pocket, and pulled out two toy cars.
"Now... these are small..."
[But the ones out there...]
{Are far away...}
_____________________________________________________________________
To be continued in the next issue!
{Alright, we need to have a talk...}
Why?
[We've hardly had ANY scenes whatsoever!]
I gave you a bit more today.
{WE NEED MOAR!}
I'll think about it.
[Augh.]
{And why did Deadpool have a CD player?}
All will be explained in due time.
{No it won't.}
Excuse me?
{You are hereby excused.}
...
{Lulz.}
Author's Notes:
Not very sure where I'm going with these...
Anyone satisfied with the story so far?
Issue #6: Plans
Deadpool Vs. Equestria
Issue #6
Previously on Deadpool Vs. Bronies, the Mane 6 did this... kinda.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wQKKj_qeOBQ
Kaboom.
__________________________________________________________________
Meanwhile, in Equestria...
A rabbit sat on a chair, in some sort of underground room, with a table surrounded by other chairs. That rabbit's name... was Angel Bunny.
[What, did you think we'd forgotten about them?]
Shut up, you're meant to be on Earth with Deadpool. Go back to Earth, Earthling.
[...Damn. Brutal.]
An explanation is in order. Angel Bunny, in this universe, is a member and de facto leader of the Woodland Six, an organisation of six woodland animals, usually those that live around Fluttershy's cottage. The other members of Angel's team are Ms. Rabbit, Cutie Mouse, Fuzzy Ferret, Hyper Hamster, and Tim, who, incidentally, is a cat.
They have taken it upon themselves to make sure that nothing too bad will happen to their caretaker, Fluttershy, and, by extension, her friends and the town of Ponyville. Unbeknownst to the ponies, they have a rather strong sense of justice. The only problem is, sometimes, they disagree with a few things.
Angel waited boredly for the group to arrive. He checked the tiny little mini-watch he invented. One day, he'd seen a pony with a watch, which he knew could tell the time. Because he didn't want to look at the clock in Fluttershy's cottage anymore (It was a cuckoo clock, and it scares him every time), he decided to make a watch of his own. Unfortunately, he didn't make the correct adjustments, so now it's too small, and he needs to make a bigger watch. He forgot how he made it, though, so he's going to have to spend another 5 hours thinking about how to make a watch. And he doesn't have 5 hours. ...Well, maybe he does, but he doesn't want to admit it.
Eventually, Fuzzy Ferret walked out of a revolving door, and Tim crawled through a pet door. Pet doors are pretty decent, aren't they? Fuzzy and Tim sat on their respective chairs.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bAAVIgnSwl4
"...Is anyone else coming?" Angel asked.
"No, not really," Tim replied, "Ms. Rabbit has a cold, Hyper's lost that little teddy bear toy, Cutie's helping him find it, and Ferret thinks he has rabies..."
Angel raised an eyebrow. It was common sense Fuzzy would think he had rabies: His job as conspiracy theorist had made him paranoid to the point of mental unstability, but there was one thing we all noticed...
"If he thinks he has rabies, why is he here?" Angel asked.
Fuzzy didn't really answer, he just looked around the place quickly.
"Knowing Fuzzy, he probably wants us to suffer his fate too..." Tim mused.
But I don't want to be a schizophrenic... Angel complained to himself.
"Okay... well, we should probably talk about what happened yesterday..." Angel said. Tim nodded, and Fuzzy kinda nodded, but he looked kinda desperate too.
"Deadpool and his friend left... finally... and then, Lyra Heartstrings, ever the human obsessor, followed them..." Angel recapped.
"That's kinda harsh," Tim said, "She's not that obsessed."
"Why'd she follow them, then?" Angel asked.
"...For science?" Fuzzy suggested.
Science of the Ferrets, sure...
"So, in order to get her back, Fluttershy and her friends have gone to this 'Earth' to save her. Sound right so far?" Angel asked, in case anyone had a different version of the story.
"No, it doesn't..." Fuzzy objected. As usual.
Angel grinned. It was a sort of unpleasant and depressing grin. The type of grin that doesn't convey happiness, but more like he's seen it all before and is desperately trying not to lose his sanity. Or, to be truthful, a sarcastic grin. Sorry for the depressing image, folks.
"Really?" Angel asked, "Tell us... what's your version of the story?"
"There are aliens..." Fuzzy began, "And they look like ponies... but they just made those bodies up... and they abducted Miss Heartstrings... and are intending to get one of their own to become an exact double of Heartstrings, ones devoid of emotion, and then they will be back to identify more of us with their pointing and their screeching..."
Angel's expression was blank. Tim's was slightly confused.
"Isn't that... Invasion of the Pony Snatchers?" Angel asked.
"...Oh. You watched that?" Fuzzy asked.
"No... I saw the ending, and when I tried to watch the beginning, it was all ruined for me... it was funny the first time, but understanding how others felt is gonna be harder now..."
"...Can we... get to why we're here?" Tim asked.
"Yeah, sure," Angel agreed, then proceeded to stand on his chair.
"Really? You're gonna stand on the chairs now?" Tim asked.
"...Why not?" Angel inquired, confused, "I'm being... dramatic."
"Why?"
"...Uh... W-why not? You're making this difficult..."
"Sorry... just be realistic about this, please..." Tim begged.
"...Fine..." Angel said, slumping down on his chair. "I propose we go outside and yadda yadda, bladda bladia..."
"...What was that?" Tim asked.
"That is the sound... of being 'realistic', Tim. I don't feel very motivated. My plan doesn't feel like it's worth much, and now I'm nearly depressed. Maybe we'll all just sit down here, and wonder, 'What in the hay is Angel Bunny thinking right now?' And I'll be like, 'Life... don't talk to me about li-"
"I get the picture!" Tim snapped, "Go stand up if you want!"
Grinning, Angel triumphantly stood up, "I propose..." He said, with much more enthusiasm, as if he was about to lead an army to fight a group of badgers annoying him with their chanting of mushrooms, "We go outside... and we take what supplies we can get while Fluttershy and her friends are gone!"
"A suicide mission?" Fuzzy inquired, "Whatever for? What's the point in spreading rabies to everything?"
"None of us have rabies, Fuzzy," Angel told him.
"Angel..." Tim said, "How do you suppose we... GET... these supplies? It's only those six that have left... not their friends... We could take Fluttershy's supplies, but that's like being the worst lodger ever, because she gives us food to eat anyway... Twilight has a baby dragon, Applejack has her Apple family, Rarity has her sister, Pinkie has those Cake people and Rainbow Dash has... ... ... uh... Scootaloo, I guess."
Angel shrugged, and shook his head. "That's not the only thing they have..." Angel began...
"Oh, brilliant. More things that can stop us that I don't know about..." Tim mused almost depressedly.
{Is that a word?}
Go away, Earthling.
{Harsh.}
"They have... pets..." Angel said. Tim raised an eyebrow. "And for the record, I don't think we can get stuff from Rainbow Dash's clouds... so we can cross her off the list," Angel added.
_________________________________________________________________
Faster than it transitioned to night time, back on Earth, the sun was shining, life was continuing, and lawns were mowed daily, and neighbours greeted neighbours with a neighbourly "Hey!"
"Hey!" Lyra yelled at Deadpool while he was asleep.
Deadpool struggled to avoid regaining consciousness.
"G-got a... big bag of crabs... ... ... gonna put them in my mouth..."
Lyra's eyes narrowed, and so she walked over to Deadpool and slapped him in the face. Deadpool recoiled in pain, and Lyra felt giddy, as this was the first time she used her hands to strike someone. Then she remembered why she was angry.
"What was up with last night?" She asked.
"I don't exactly know what you're talking about..." Deadpool replied, rubbing his nose, "Techinically, I think there's be things DOWN with last night, seeing how we're not up and at them, we're instead staying in, down and away from them... y'know?"
"You were playing that stereo all through the night, remember?" Weasel said, walking into the room.
"It calms me..." Deadpool defended.
"Axel F is a movie-turned-into-dance tune, Deadpool, it's not meant to help you get to sleep," Weasel told him.
"Well, it does anyway..."
"And after that, you put something else on..." Lyra said...
"Oh, right. I woke up in the middle of the night, so I put on Jack Black singing the national anthem."
"How? That's not on CD..." Weasel said.
"It's not? ...Well... I must have imagined it..." Deadpool decided.
"You can't have," Lyra said, "You changed it, remember?"
"I don't know what's real anymore... one day there's this person who looks Victorian helping me through this floating place, then I kill Santa Claus 'cause he wasn't nice to her, then later, I find out that the Victorian woman was my daughter, and it turns out that in another dimension, I'm that Santa Claus I killed..."
"I'm sure you just got caught up in one of your video games, Deadpool..." Weasel said.
"So, do I get to go outside for once?" Lyra asked.
"Yeah, sure thing!" Deadpool said, "I'll just go get your disguise," and so he walked off to get it.
"...Can't I NOT wear the disguise?" Lyra asked.
"Uh... you'd uh... stick out, wouldn't you?" Weasel asked.
"I don't see why people would know who I am..." Lyra said, "But okay. I'll go with it," She sighed, "For now." She looked thoughtful for a moment.
"Something on your mind?" Weasel asked.
Lyra nodded, thinking for a few seconds before nodding again, with a curious look on her face.
"D'you think I should get a job?"
________________________________________________________________________________
To be continued in the next issue!
{Why did this have two cliffhangers?}
You know that part where Deadpool has a sombrero?
{What about it?}
That's going into the next one.
{Why?}
Because I can, and it is me who is Author.
{Oh yeah? Well... Shut up...}
[Are you gonna bring someone from the last fic back?]
Why yes. I am.
{Make it a good one.}
So let it be said...
So let it be done.
{Shut up.}
Issue #7: Lightbulb
Deadpool Vs. Bronies
Issue #7
Previously on Deadpool Vs. Equestria...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NzbLJ92QOj8
___________________________________________________________________________
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j9s4fuOL3FM
And so they walked out of the apartment. Deadpool was wearing a large sombrero over that knit cap he bought for himself during Issue #3 so that he could wear it without Weasel complaining, as he wanted one like that. He was also wearing a weird kind of suit, the sort you'd see either gangsters or freelance news reporters wear... I think. Weasel was wearing what he was wearing before. A grey hoodie over a black shirt, and some jeans. Oh, and the glasses. We can't forget about the glasses. Oh, and remember when he used to have blue ha-
{GET ON WITH IT!}
Lyra was wearing the black knit cap Deadpool bought, along with a black hoodie over a grey shirt and some jeans. Deadpool, lacking imagination, just made her wear something similar to Weasel's. I wonder why he didn't just put something like that on... they could've been the 'Hoodie gang.'
[Because you're writing this, and you decided he was wearing a sombrero.]
Ugh.
"So what kind of work were you looking for?" Weasel asked Lyra.
"Something simple. One with nice people, easy work, and fair pay rate. Then after that, I can find a better job."
"Well, lemme tell ya, it's hard to find that kind of work if you haven't studied," Deadpool said, "I once worked at Stark Industries, you know."
"Until they immediately noticed your red mask over scientist clothing and booted you out," said Weasel.
"There is one place I haven't looked at before..." Deadpool said, "I hear it's kind of new..."
"Well, what is it?" Lyra asked.
"You ready for this?" Deadpool asked.
"I'm not gonna know till you tell me what it is!" Lyra replied.
"It is called..." Deadpool said, then paused for dramatic effect.
"Deadpool-" Weasel said.
"SSHHH!" Deadpool shushed.
"A LIGHTBULB factory!" Deadpool finally exclaimed.
Weasel scratched his head. "If you say so..."
_______________________________________________________________
A few minutes later...
_______________________________________________________________
"That didn't take as long as I thought it would..." Weasel noted. They took a look at the factory.
To say the least... it looked like some person had bought a factory, gave it some sort of unnecessary customization to their likeness, and made it look like he was bragging about how successful he is. There was... like... steam coming out of it... and... a sort of... weird blue lettering was placed on it that made it look kinda nice, but the font made it unstable... if that makes sense. Speaking of which, the lettering said 'LiveLight Lightbulbs.'
"So, shall we go in?" Deadpool asked.
"Uh... sure..." Lyra said. Not quite the occupation she imagined, but if it fits her criteria, she'll do it.
When they entered, they saw it was kinda weird. There were sounds of work around here, but they were in some sort of... room. You know those entrance room sort of things where it's kinda... extravagant, like it leads to a town hall? Yeah. There was a nice blue carpet leading to a double-door entrance, curtains wrapped over windows, and a sort of counter that looks like some sort of store would be held behind there, only there are lightbulbs, and it was all complete with a guy in a white dress shirt and jeans, with a light-bulb hat all over his head, hiding his identity. Lyra wondered if he was even able to see through the hat.
"Uh... hi, sir..." Lyra greeted.
The man waved.
{We're seeing a bunch of eccentric character, aren't we?}
"Why d'you wear that thing on your head?" Deadpool asked.
The man shrugged.
"Why do you not know?"
The man hesitated, then shrugged again.
"I see your hesitation!" Deadpool exclaimed, pointing an accusing finger at him, "This directly contradicts your inability to know why you are wearing a light-bulb hat as if you had something to hide!
[Not as eccentric as our own Wadey.]
The man sighed, then finally used his voice, answering, "Because this is a light-bulb factory, and I'm selling lightbulbs... sir."
Deadpool tilted his head, "This is a factory, not a store..."
"Exactly. Some bulbs get shipped out to people, and others get put here in case anyone wants them."
"Don't I know you from somewhere?" Deadpool asked, desperately, for some reason.
"You say that to a lot of people, Deadpool," Weasel interjected, "And most of the time, you don't know them."
"Yes, listen to that guy with the glasses. He should know much more about these things than you do," the man said.
Weasel frowned, "Did you say I was smart just because I wore glasses?"
"I don't know, did I?" And then he paused for a moment, as if he was making some sort of face, but forgot it was completely hidden, and put on some sort of innocent sounding voice, "I didn't mean to..."
"Uh oh..." Deadpool said, "Baby Doll somehow found her way into Marvel and became a man! Or maybe it's- No, that one was the other way around, and first she was quiet, then perky, but still murderous..."
"That's not a very useful reference," The man said, "Unless they really study those films. Which don't really deserve much studying. It's really just, 'Pick a sort of person, give them some sort of trait, appearance, personality or both, give them a signature weapon or power, and some simple and/or creepy name."
"Weasel, why are they talking about slashers?" Lyra asked.
"Lyra, why do you have slashers in your world?" Weasel replied, lowering his voice so the man didn't get suspicious.
"I know, right?" Deadpool said, "They made Jason like hockey, Norman Bates like taxidermy, and Patrick ba-"
"Psycho isn't a slasher," The man said, "I should know, I watched it with my former girlfriend once. It's a thriller film."
"Can we at least call AMERICAN Psycho a slasher?" Wade asked.
"Sure. It's like a horror comedy, only funny."
"Is that a raincoat?" Deadpool asked.
"...I'm not wearing a- Ohhhh, I see," The man said, before proceeding to clear his throat, then reciting, rather loudly, "Yes, it is!"
"Best film ever!" Deadpool declared.
"I preferred X-Men Origins," The man said.
"WHAT!? Why!?" Deadpool calmly inquired.
"...Uh.... didn't think you'd actually ask why... Because... I can," He announced.
Deadpool looked at him for a moment. "You know who I am, right?"
"Not really."
"Why not? I'm on the news, like, every other Tuesday! Everyone knows who the greatest mercenary and assassin is!"
"Deathstroke?"
"Alright, that's it," Deadpool said, "YOU'RE TAKING THIS TOO FAR!"
"What am I taking too far?" The man asked.
"You obviously know who I am, and you're trying to annoy me, but there's just one problem... you can't know who Deathstroke is, he doesn't exist here!"
"I read your mind."
Deadpool stared at the man for a while.
"Deadpool, what's wrong?" Weasel asked.
"He knew what I was thinking, somehow..." Deadpool muttered, before sniffing, then, speaking louder, "But I gotta know this guy from somewhere!" Deadpool said, pulling a gun out of his holster, aiming it at the man's head, and shot the top of the light-bulb hat off.
Now, of course, Lyra was going to do the rational thing here and scream in surprised fear, but first off, she had to think of a reason why he'd do that. Maybe he's a superhero. Maybe he's a problem-solver. Maybe he's played too many video games. Or maybe... he's really dangerous to be around.
Realizing that the latter two were just about correct, she finally screamed in surprised fear.
Because the lightbulb hat was really big, the top of the hat, where Deadpool assumed the forehead would be, was not where the forehead was. It was above the man's hair. Of course, now the hat was broken glass. After realizing this, Deadpool then made an assumption that the glass shards went into the man's skull. It's a very morbid thought, but would be the logical conclusion.
However, the person proceeded to take the hat off, turned it upside down to let the glass shards out, and handed the hat over to Deadpool. He had a look at it, and saw that the lightbulb hat had a sort of guard that was obviously used to protect the man's head. It even had a few small shards still in it, making it safe to assume that that was what saved him. Deadpool scowled at the hat, and then looked at the man.
The man had brown, short, unkempt hair, almost pure blue eyes, and a stubble. The dark circles under his eyes made it seem as though he had trouble sleeping. He also had a look of recognition and irritation on his face. True enough, he looked familiar to Deadpool.
"Don't I know you from somewhere?" Deadpool asked.
"You say that to a lot of pe- Hey, wait a minute, I think I've seen him from somewhere too..." Weasel realized.
Lyra didn't answer. She was still reacting to Deadpool's gunshot.
"Go on," The man said, "Where do you recognize me from?"
"...I don't know," Said Deadpool, "Must not have been important."
"It was about one or two days ago..." The man said, rubbing his eyes.
"...Did I kill you once?" Deadpool asked.
"Must've been the other way around, seeing how you're here..." The guy said.
"Oh, I know who it is!" Weasel exclaimed, "It's that guy, L-"
"Ssssh!" Deadpool shushed, "I can get it with clues from this guy... Now, come on, Creep-Man, or whatever your name is!"
"I met you on a S.H.I.E.L.D Helicarrier when you and Pinkie Pie were both on this Earth," He replied.
"Doesn't ring a bell..."
"After that, I helped a pony who was locked out of his own dimension take your place."
"Don't remember that..."
"You were in an alternate Equestria where people who wanted to drain your temporal energy, and I saved you once, but they got you the next time."
"I dunno about that..."
"You... went back to Earth after that... and Lyra came with you..." The man felt like giving up.
"Nope."
The man sighed, "You were wearing the red Deadpool suit you're wearing now..." He said, desperately.
"OH, NOW I REMEMBER!" Deadpool yelled, "Oh, and thanks a lot Weasel, you coulda just told me his name..."
"But I-" Weasel attempted.
"Nope, you have to buy the next bag of cheesy puffs, Weasel. Now, where were we?"
"The realization of where you recognize me from." The man said.
"Thanks. Now, your name is Live Light, the half assed self-insert!" Deadpool answered.
"...I'm sorry, what?" Light asked.
{No, seriously, the Author has been claiming he and this guy bear no relation since the last fic, besides them having the same name... but even Deadpool can tell he's a self-insert.}
He obviously doesn't know of my presence, White Voice Box, so we're obviously not the same person.
{Then why has he got the same name as you?}
What kind of pony name is Tyler?
{A stupid human one.}
There you go.
{What?}
"That hurt my feelings," Light continued, "Now we're both in the wrong."
"Hey, I'm less in the wrong than you, you like, threw me out of a place I was ready to leave, and now I couldn't go where I wanted to go!" Deadpool argued.
"I believe you're more in the wrong because you've done bad things a lot more times than I have. Plus, you made it here eventually, and I tried to help you out, right?" Light countered
"You gave me a pink gun!"
"It was a nice gun..." Light said, "And I'd like it back please..."
"I don't have it on me," Deadpool told him, "Go find it yourself.
Light stared at him. Lyra soon got a better idea of what was going on, and was wondering what Light was going to say back. Weasel wondered who to side with, but he really didn't like Light at the moment. Eventually, Light's expression turned into a sort of frown.
"Go get another one as soon as possible," Light requested.
"Get it yourself!" Deadpool re-requested.
"Maybe later," Light said, "Anyway, why are you here?"
"We're here to get Lyra a job here!" Deadpool said, indicating Lyra by pointing at her.
"...'kay." Light accepted.
"Uh... I'm not sure if I-" Lyra began.
"So, yeah, go ring your boss or somethin', get the interview going," Deadpool interrupted, "And make it snappy."
"...'kay." Light replied, walking rather slowly to the phone on the desk, pressing in the number, and holding it to his ear. A vibrating noise was heard, until Light took his mobile phone out of the pocket, and answered it.
"Hello?" He answered.
"Bye." He said, parting ways with Light's mobile phone, then putting the telephone down.
"What a handsome young man," He said to himself, and put his mobile phone into his pocket.
Everyone sort of stared at him.
{I don't know why... but I think someone's trying to make him the highlight of this fic suddenly...}
[Freakin' self-inserts always getting what they want and looking all black/red and having a horn and wings and being overpowered and getting negative reception and for some reason existing in My Immortal and-]
"You know," Weasel said, breaking the awkward silence," You could have just told us you were the boss..."
"But he's not the boss!" Deadpool argued, "He was the mascot store owner, he just swiped the Boss's mobile phone so he could call himself and make him feel loved!"
"He's obviously just showing off," Weasel told him.
"Guys, I don't like this idea anymore..." Lyra said.
"Okay everyone, follow me," Light said, walking towards the door, "We'll begin the interview."
They followed him through the door, and they were kind of confused when they saw a blank and gritty corridor leading to a single door. Lyra guessed the sounds of work were coming from the room they were going to walk through.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_uZe06XuwRM
It wasn't. It looked like a makeshift living room, with couches, comfy chairs with pillows, a bed, and, to make it seem more industrial and perhaps 'smart,' a desk in the back of the room, complete with work chair. Deadpool, Lyra and Weasel looked around the place, seeming a whole lot more confused. They looked around the room, and, after Light sat down on the work chair, noticed that there was a stereo machine sitting on the desk. As soon as Light pressed a button on it, all the sounds of work immediately stopped.
"Mister... uh..." Lyra began, before realizing she'd forgotten the man's name.
"Live Light," He said, "At your service..."
"Mister Light..." Lyra said, "What service exactly? There's uh... nothing here..."
"Yes there is," Light told her, "You saw me back there, that's what it's all about. This is a place for light bulbs, after all, isn't it?"
"A factory, if I recall," Weasel added, "Which... this looks like, but obviously isn't... care to explain why?"
"I don't work in factories," Light explained, "I don't want to lose an appendage. Stores are a bit easier. Plus, I wonder if it's a good idea to settle down in Earth rather than just go around the place..."
"But what I mean is, how come this is just a store... or living room, but not a factory like it looks like?" Weasel asked, "You even have a big sign up there!"
Light looked a bit uncomfortable, "That's not really important... I'll just say that nobody knows I live here... so really, it's not an effective store, I guess..."
"Then what's the point?" Deadpool asked, "Are you a light bulb loon or something? Do light bulbs fascinate you? Do you wish you had a light bulb family member or sister, or better yet, wish you were a light bulb?"
Light looked extremely uncomfortable, and a little bit hostile, "No I don't, you weirdo! Out of all of us, you're the loon, not me!"
"Well tell me," Deadpool implored, "WHY THE LIGHT BULBS!?"
"...I don't know, I kinda like them... you know that thing when cartoon characters have ideas and light bulbs show up above their head?"
"Yeah, sure, that happens to me all the time!" Deadpool said, recalling that time he had to find someone he was hired to kill, and they were hiding, and he'd suddenly came up with an idea of what to eat tomorrow from that day, and then the guy he was trying to kill threw a light bulb at his head. Good days.
"I just like those moments, I guess..." Light said, shrugging.
{Plus, the Author has that as his avatar, doesn't he?}
Oh, and I guess you're gonna say I used it for the same reason?
[But you did.]
I didn't, I said they were brains!
"So uh..." Deadpool said, realizing something just now... then losing his train of thought because he was afraid a light bulb was gonna be thrown at his face. Everyone in the room looked at him expectantly, and he suddenly remembered, "Right, so anyway, 'cause you... have no job here... how's Lyra gonna work for you?"
"She isn't," Light said, "I just want to know what you're gonna do about your situation."
"Since when do you care?" Deadpool asked with hostility.
"Since you brought yourselves and a pony into another dimensional shenanigan. This entire thing is a shenanigan, and I don't like it," He told him, "Do something about it."
"Mister Light," Lyra interjected, "I still haven't seen Earth yet..."
"I'll give you a globe," Light offered.
"But then I can't see the inhabitants! That'd be pointless, wouldn't it?"
Light looked slightly guilty, as though he remembered something, "Right... well, you guys had better get her home as soon as she's satisfied, okay?"
"You got it, Dead Grue!" Deadpool said, saluting, "We'll be on our way back to Planet Earth, you take care now!" And so he walked off, dragging Lyra by the arm. Lyra looked panicked as they both left the room.
"...Dead Grue?" Light asked no-one in particular, not realizing Weasel was still in the room. Realizing only he and Light were in the room, and how Light was wondering when Lyra was going to go back, Weasel had an idea.
"Light, d'you think I could ask you a few questions?" Weasel asked a question.
"I don't think I can, but we'll see. Ask a question besides the question you just asked."
"Why exactly are you here? Did you know about Lyra leaving?" Weasel asked another question.
"Hmm, well, I did know, and I was intending to find her and bring her back..." Light admitted, "But I don't think she'd want to talk to a random stranger wearing a light-bulb hat..." he grimaced, then shrugged, "Then again, maybe she'd think of it as an opportunity to meet new people."
"So, us meeting you here was a lucky coincidence?"
"Pretty much," Light agreed, "I can't just put things where I want to, especially not this building..."
{I know someone who can.}
Yes. Of course. It's me. Because I'm the person writing it. It's bloody common sense.
"So... uh... d'you still want her to get home?" Weasel asked.
"Well, yeah, everypony was worried sick, last time I checked..." Light answered.
"Then... how would you to tag along and help us with this stuff?"
{OH COME ON! YOU'RE MAKING HIM A MAIN CHARACTER NOW!?}
I'm making him a supporting character, like Weasel and Lyra are. Deadpool's the main character here.
[Yo, guys, it's hard to tell when to look at the Author's words, y'know? 'Cause it just looks like plain and ordinary text...]
What about now?
{Show-off.}
After a bit of consideration, Light thought of his answer.
"Maybe not."
_______________________________________________________________________
Meanwhile in Deadpool's apartment...
Six colourfully dressed women slowly walked around a hallway. Leading them was a hyper-active party expert who is secretly Pinkie Pie in disguise. Well, not a disguise, all of them, Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Rarity and Applejack were all truly ponies, but due to some weird temporal laws, they're humans on Planet Earth.
Pinkie was dressed in a manner quite similar to when she first arrived at Earth, with a pink T-shirt and jeans. As if temporal laws were unimaginative with clothing (And for some reason, actually bothered to put clothing on people), the others wore basically the same thing as Pinkie, albeit with different colours. Rarity was extremely put off by this, as she would rather be wearing something fashionable than casual. Now she felt like she was dressed as if she wasn't taking this sort of thing seriously. I mean, really, of all the things she could be wearing, it had to be simple things, and it certainly wasn't elegant, no no, it was mediocre, it was destroying my style, what is wrong with the-
"Rarity, yer thinkin' aloud again," Applejack said.
"I'm aware, Applejack," She responded. Applejack raised an eyebrow.
"It's right here!" Pinkie said, standing next to a door.
"You're certain this is where Deadpool lives?" Twilight asked in a hushed voice, getting an enthusiastic nod from Pinkie. "Okay. Let's not surprise them, we don't want to come across as hosti-"
"SURPRIIIIISE!" Pinkie sang, pushing the door open suddenly. Fluttershy yelped and covered her ears, which she missed at first, seeing how the ears seemed to be in a different place than they usually are, and a bit smaller too.
Twilight sighed, expecting a frightened scream coming from the room.
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
"Anybody home?" Pinkie Pie asked the room.
She appeared to be listening, then nodded.
"They're not home!" Pinkie announced.
"...You sure about that?" Rainbow Dash asked. "Maybe they're just being quiet..." Pinkie shook her head, as if having to teach a student something they should already know.
"They're not making that sort of quiet sound, Dashie!" She responded, "They're making the sort of 'non-existant' quiet sound. So obviously, they don't exist here, they exist somewhere else!"
"...So what yer tryin' t'say is..." Applejack began, "They're not home?"
"Mm-hm!" Pinkie responded, nodding her head for the third time.
"Well, that's perfect..." Twilight said, "Maybe we should wait until they come back, and we'll be able to talk to them and make sure they can't run off?"
"Sounds like a plan!" Rainbow agreed.
"If we must," Rarity said.
"Sure, ah can wait!" Applejack agreed.
"Okay..." Fluttershy acquiesced.
{Apparently you spelt that right.}
Didn't you here Pinkie Pie? You don't exist here. You exist over THERE! Earth-ling.
{...Wah.}
_______________________________________________________________________
To be continued in the next issue!
{Of The Adventures of Live Light and Boy Wonder Deadpool!}
...What?
[HA HA HA!]
Author's Notes:
Yeah... this took a while. But I've done it now.
Hope you enjoy.
By the way, this isn't actually gonna become The Adventures of Live Light and Boy Wonder Deadpool. Light's not gonna be in the next one. Just... in a few issues, maybe.
Issue #8: Reunion
Deadpool Vs. Bronies
Issue #8
Previously on Deadpool Vs. Bronies...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YBGTSJhi0EQ
____________________________________________________________________________
Deadpool waited outside the false factory of false light-bulbs with a false person. He remained completely oblivious to the fact that Lyra was losing her confidence in him, and was keeping to herself, as she was aware she was in the presence of a mad, dangerous and possibly hostile man who wears tights.
Eventually, Weasel walked out of the factory, after he had a brief conversation with the rather useful gentleman who calls himself Live Light. {He's totally a self-insert.} No, you fool, he is not.
[I spake!]
I don't care.
Weasel walked over to Deadpool.
"What took you so long?" Deadpool asked. "It felt longer than the wait for my game to get the box art..."
"That's because you don't have a video game, Deadpool. The only way you could possibly get a video game is if you threatened somebody." Weasel said, and he was totally correct, according to High Moon Studios. And before Deadpool could explain to him about his video game, which would give him a chance of utterly destroying the Fourth Wall, maybe ending the universe as we know it (Or he'll just confuse the hell out of everybody), there was a rather angry sounding female voice that cried,
"MONSIEUR SPARKLE!"
"Did somebody say Stephanie Meyer?" Deadpool asked out loud.
"I think they said 'Monsieur Sparkle,' Deadpool," Weasel pointed out, "Maybe Twilight and the other ponies travelled here to look for us, and they have some French idiot who thinks Monsieur means Ma'am."
Lyra was willing to take that chance, because she immediately ran off in the direction of the sound. Weasel ran after her, while Deadpool, feeling kinda bored and in no hurry, just walked over to them. As he managed to catch up, he could see Lyra, looking all disappointed (Failing to notice she was still afraid) and Weasel looking absolutely baffled.
"I am absolutely baffled right now..." Weasel admitted.
Deadpool decided to take a look at the scene, and what he saw was a rather young brunette woman with long hair, wearing some sort of black home-made clothing that made her look suspiciously thief-like, yelling at some common man who looked frightened and confused. All the equipment the woman had was some sort of grappling hook and a grapefruit knife. There was also a cat, and it somehow seemed obvious that it belonged to the woman.
"...No, it's not Stephanie Meyer, it's just some mental patient who's probably been at an ordinary hospital," Deadpool explained/guessed, "I'm surprised they let her go though, she's rather... attractive."
Weasel looked a bit mad, "Deadpool, now's not the time to be admiring someone's beauty, we need to get Lyra home as soon as possible, she looks really scare-"
"Weasel," Deadpool interrupted.
"WHAT!?"
"Your shoelaces are gone."
Weasel's eye twitched, as if he had just been given some sort of insult that sucked. He believed Deadpool meant to say 'Your shoelaces are untied.' He gave Deadpool a doubtful look, then proceeded to look at his shoelaces, just to humour him. And... he indeed found that the shoelaces were gone.
"I... what... how?" Weasel asked.
"I dunno, I was too busy admiring." Deadpool said.
"T-the lady took the shoelaces," Lyra said, "It was kinda cool how she could do that... but... I dunno why."
Deadpool and Weasel looked up to 'Monsieur Sparkle,' who was tip-toeing away from the group.
"HEY!" Deadpool yelled. Monsieur Sparkle froze in place, then turned around to look at them, noticing that they noticed. "You're lookin' GOOOOD!" Deadpool commented, with two thumbs up.
Monsieur Sparkle took a moment to consider what was happening, then walked off.
"HEY!" Weasel yelled. Monsieur Sparkle froze in place again, then slowly turned around, and went into a fabulous pose, expecting a compliment again. "Give me back my shoelaces!" Weasel yelled, making Monsieur Sparkle lose her confidence.
"Who is this girl anyway?" Lyra asked.
The common man who was being yelled at answered, "Her name is Miss Yink, b-" Before he was interrupted by the girl shrieking,
"MONSIEUR SPARKLE!"
"I don't care what your name is, I need a number!" Deadpool said.
Sparkle's expression deadpanned, and she shook her head.
"Can I have my shoelaces back, please?" Weasel asked, "I really need them so I can walk around without losing a shoe, and these are my favourite shoes, so-"
"I've had enough of your disingenuous assertions!" Monsieur Sparkle deadpanned, before proceeding to walk up to Weasel and punch him in the gut. Weasel instantly fell to the ground.
{And that's the first thing she's said all day that had more than two or three words.}
"Uh... I have no idea what's going on..." Lyra said, "Why is there a girl with two names stealing shoelaces from people?
{Because apparently, our good Author decided that his Shoelaces blogs should appear in here, even though this is set in the Marvel Universe, and his Shoelaces blogs happen everywhere.}
"Not everywhere..." Deadpool said.
"Actually, I do steal shoelaces everywhere," Monsieur Sparkle corrected, "For I am the Great Shoelace Thief of... um... coughobviouscoughhelpville!"
"I think I've been there once," Deadpool stated.
"...Wh-what...?" Weasel wheezed, still recovering from the punch to the gut. Then Monsieur Sparkle erupted into a fake coughing spasm, running to the left and right while making coughing sounds, until she 'weakly' stumbled over to Deadpool to fall in his arms, only, he didn't have his arms out at all, so she just fell on the ground next to his feet. Deadpool scratched his head, before realizing he was supposed to catch her, and quickly picked her up.
"T-take me..." Monsieur Sparkle whispered, "To your leader..."
"I'm my own leader, babe." Deadpool replied.
"...Uh... Take me to your leader's house, I meant to say..." She improvised.
"Okay!" Deadpool agreed, carrying her to the direction of his apartment.
"Hey!" Lyra yelled, "Why're we taking her with us?"
"You say something?" Deadpool asked.
Lyra recoiled in fear. She was pretty sure that he meant to be threatening. She didn't seem to notice Deadpool was having trouble hearing because Monsieur Sparkle was trying to figure out what his mask was made of, and her hand was covering his ear. And because she didn't notice this, she grinned nervously. "N-nothing!"
"Uhh... alright!" Deadpool said, cheerfully, before continuing to walk to his apartment. Lyra helped Weasel up to his feet while he continued to clutch his stomach.
"Why didn't you... use magic to stop it, or something?" He asked, before coughing in pain.
"Oh... uh, sorry," Lyra apologized sheepishly, "I'm kinda trying to get used to using human appendages... and the red guy scares me..."
"Yeah, he scares me too..." Weasel said, "You get used to it after a while. At least you haven't been in the box." He then walked over with Deadpool. Lyra swallowed, hoping that this 'Box' wasn't any bit dangerous.
{It's obviously dangerous. Weasel just said it like it was a bad thing.}
[It's just a box, it's not gonna bite you!]
"Uhh... where are you guys going?" Lyra looked around, and noticed that man who was yelled at by Monsieur Sparkle was still there. Lyra thought of explaining it, but felt it would be better if she didn't trouble this man any longer, and let him go home.
"Bye!" Lyra said, trying to sound as happy as possible, then she walked over to Deadpool hesitantly. Meanwhile, Monsieur Sparkle's cat meowed, as it walked off somewhere else, looking for the next issue.
______________________________________________________________________________________
Meanwhile at Deadpool's Apartment...
The Element Bearers, Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Rarity and Applejack all waited in the apartment's living room.
"I can't put up with this place any longer... it's so filthy..." Rarity muttered, cringing.
"This place is really small, and it smells funny. I can't practise my routines or take a nice nap on a cloud..." Rainbow Dash complained.
Twilight sighed, looking around the place. She noticed Pinkie Pie was wearing glasses, and writing stuff down in a notebook. She raised an eyebrow, and, against her better judgement, felt like asking why.
"Pinkie, why do you look like you're busy doing something important?"
"All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy, so, to ensure the safety of those surrounding me, I balance work and play, and when I'm not in Ponyville, my work is thinking of new songs!" Pinkie replied enthusiastically.
"Hmm... alright." Twilight replied.
"Wanna hear how it's going so far?" Pinkie asked.
Twilight thought for a moment. It couldn't hurt... "Alright, what do you have so far?"
"Round and around in a perfect-perfect
Wait for my Stop Signal!"
Pinkie recited, pulling out a red octagon-shaped stop signal from somewhere. Then she frowned. "Needs a lot of work..." She decided, before focusing her attention onto the notebook.
Now, as you all know, when things are quiet, it's easier to hear quiet noises. So naturally, they should have heard the footsteps of a person approaching Deadpool's apartment room. However, just about all of the time they spent there, it had been so boring, waiting for someone who isn't very boring, that no matter what they heard outside, it just sounded like the same sort of footsteps people have when they walk around the place.
However, it wasn't so boring that they were unable to tell someone was approaching, so, obviously, they listened intently.
"The noise is getting closer..." Twilight whispered.
"What do we do?" Fluttershy squeaked.
Twilight looked around the place. "...Let's find some place to hide..." Everyone nodded, and began to look for a place to hide. Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie hid in Weasel's room, while Applejack and Rarity went to the guest room. Twilight and Rainbow Dash looked around the place. There were hardly any decent hiding places around the place. They couldn't hide under any of the furniture, especially not the glass table (Which was recently shattered, and clumsily put together by Deadpool. It was almost easy to tell).
As they heard the doorknob turn, Twilight quickly grabbed Rainbow Dash's arm, and her horn began to glow. Within seconds, they were invisible.
The door finally opened, allowing Twilight and Rainbow Dash to look at the apartment intruder. There was a male human standing at the door, and from his attire, Twilight had to take a guess and assume that Deadpool was familiar with this man, because he was wearing some sort of unique clothing. It was a blue spandex suit with white trim and protective armour padding, with a similarly coloured hood over a skull mask.
The man looked around the apartment, with unnatural yellow eyes scanning everything. Not seeing Twilight or Rainbow Dash, he immediately headed for one of the doors inside the apartment. Twilight watched him, as she realized that now, the other girls are in danger. She used her magic to levitate the man's foot, attempting to trip him up, however, as he fell, he quickly somersaulted, and landed safely. He stood up, and looked behind him.
"Who's there!?" He demanded.
Twilight and Rainbow Dash kept still. The man looked all around the room.
"Hiding, are we..." He growled. He reached into his utility belt, and took out a device that looked odd to Twilight. It was like some sort of small pad, only it seemed to be made of some material obviously undiscovered in Equestria. He spoke into it... "Scan the room for invisible hostiles..."
Rainbow Dash had to stop herself from gasping, and Twilight could only look in horror, as they both realized what this meant...
And suddenly, someone teleported into the room in a minty green flash. Twilight and Rainbow Dash would've been happy to see her, if not for the current situation. Lyra Heartstrings quickly ran to the door and locked it, looking away from it. The only problem now was that she was staring directly at the man's skull mask, unable to see Twilight or Rainbow Dash. She grinned nervously, and quickly opened the lock and hid on the other side.
Rainbow growled, and charged after the man, letting go of Twilight and becoming visible, to guarantee Lyra's safety. And then, almost as if this was all too familiar to the intruder, he vaulted over Rainbow Dash, and she ran into the door. After recovering, she turned around, ready to make another attempt, but was hit by the door as it opened, and ended up with a sore nose.
Deadpool walked in, holding Monsieur Sparkle as if he'd saved her from some giant dragon, looking at the skull-faced man who isn't supposed to be at his house.
[Three guesses who this is.]
{No, one guess. Deadpool can't possibly fail to recognize this guy. I mean, he's gonna recognize Cable, Sandy, Outlaw, Agent X, how's he gonna forget about good ol'-}
"Ghost Rider, what're you doing in my apartment?"
{YOU FOOL!}
Taskmaster stared at Deadpool. He wasn't even going to bring his face to his palm on this one. It wouldn't release him from the stupidity. Eventually, he dignified Deadpool with a response, "I've come to collect my pay, Deadpool," He said, aiming a gun at Deadpool.
"...Uh, alright. I didn't know Ghost Rider was a merc, bu-"
{Who else do you know who has a skull for a face!?}
"Wait... I know who you are now!" He realized.
Taskmaster didn't exactly care if Deadpool knew who he was.
"Death, how did you get so manly!?" Deadpool cried, confused and missing her female figure.
{...Oh, my fu-}
"Uhh... Wade..." Weasel said, from behind Deadpool, "I'd drop the lady if I were you... Taskmaster doesn't look too friendly here..."
"Yes... uh... Taxmeister sure doesn't..." Deadpool agreed. I have no idea who this is... He let go of Monsieur Sparkle, and she fell to the floor painfully. Slowly, she stood up, but, before she could give Deadpool some sort of... intense... squint, the floor seemed to have had enough being a part of Deadpool's life, and decided to break, causing Monsieur Sparkle to fall down a few floors.
Lyra appeared behind Deadpool, cautiously looking at the floor from over Deadpool's shoulder. "Are you gonna go help her?" She asked.
"Nah, she'll get up on her own," Deadpool replied, "The ladies always come back for more."
"Couldn't afford better housing, Deadpool?" Taskmaster asked, chuckling menacingly.
"Shut up, you don't know me!" Deadpool yelled.
Taskmaster sighed in irritation. "Nice knowing ya," he growled, before firing a single bullet at Deadpool. It hit him right in the head. Deadpool raised a hand to object, but fell down. Taskmaster walked over to his incapacitated body, pulled out a camera, and took a picture of it. "See you next Tuesday," he said, ignoring Weasel and Lyra's traumatised expression.
Lyra found it difficult to form words. She didn't really know what kind of weapon Taskmaster used, but Deadpool looked... well... dead. "I-is he..."
"Give him a few minutes..." Weasel said. Almost as soon as he said it, Deadpool groaned, sitting up, rubbing his head, and sitting up.
"Well, that was fun! Now, excuse me while I go dig out this bullet from my brain!" Deadpool said, cheerily, walking off into one of the other rooms.
"...Wh-what happened?" Lyra asked, not really sure how she felt about this. She wasn't intending to let herself be affected by all this, but this was too much.
"I think someone got mad at Deadpool and asked Taskmaster to kill him," Weasel explained, "But Deadpool doesn't die so easily, so, I guess 'Tasky' was feeling a bit lazy, pretty much knocked out Deadpool, and took a picture so his client would be satisfied, I guess..."
"But he said he'd see Deadpool next Tuesday..." Lyra said, "How many times has this happened?"
"I haven't been here that often, really," Weasel admitted. After that, Deadpool walked out of the bathroom, looking nearly good as new.
"...Can I leave now?" Lyra asked.
"Let's all just enter the room and talk about this," Deadpool said, "Otherwise, I get the feeling the door's gonna suffocate someone."
They all walked away from the entrance door, and into the room. Deadpool sat on the couch, while Weasel and Lyra just stood away from them. Monsieur Sparkle eventually did find her way up, waving at them from the door, and walking in, closing the door, revealing someone had been hiding behind the door, and looked like she really needed to breathe. It was.......................... HUMAN RAINBOW DASH!
{It was... Ellipses... PERSON!}
I just wanted to do that...
{Well, don't!}
"I think someone ate too many Skittles," Deadpool commented.
"Rainbow Dash?" Lyra asked, with much hope in her voice. Rainbow Dash wheezed, unable to answer due to door suffocation. She just attempted a mild wave. "Did anyone else come with you?"
The sound of a clearing throat was audible. Everyone looked in the direction of the sound, and, losing their invisibility spell, appeared Twilight Sparkle.
"Oh, THERE'S Stephenie Meyer!" Deadpool said.
"Twilight Sparkle..." She corrected, not in the mood for any funny stuff.
"EGAD!" Monsieur Sparkle boomed. "Somebody shares my title!?"
"...Your... title?" Twilight asked incredulously, already disliking this girl who obviously has problems.
"They call me... Monsieur Sparkle... the great Shoelace Thief!" She declared proudly.
"As in Horseshoes?" Twilight asked.
"No, no, no!" Monsieur Sparkle replied, "As in, SHOES! For people with feet!"
"Of course... Deadpool was kind enough to tell me things about human anatomy..." Twilight remembered, before scowling at Deadpool, "But he wasn't kind enough to return Lyra Heartstrings back, that's for sure!"
"Yes I was!" Deadpool countered, "I just didn't do that, that's all..."
"We tried to do it," Weasel said, "But Lyra wanted a bit of a look around the place..."
"That's true," Lyra admitted, "I'm not sure about it anymore, though... I mean, maybe if I was away from this psycho..."
"Hey," Deadpool interjected, pointing at Lyra, "I'm not as insane as you'd think."
{But he's more insane than you'd hope.}
"But still, don't you think it's time we brought her back?" Weasel asked.
"I have no idea who this is," Monsieur Sparkle pointed out.
"I have no idea who you are, but that's okay!" Pinkie said.
...
Oh, did I forget to mention, Pinkie's here... I guess I did. At least... I hope it was just forgetfulness...
"Hi Pinkie!" Deadpool greeted happily.
"Hi, Wadey!" Pinkie greeted back, maybe just a tad less happier.
"Wanna go throw stuff at a tree?" Deadpool asked, but was disappointed when Pinkie shook her head.
"No, Wadey, I'm a business-mare now. And I'm here to do serious stuff today," She replied, drawing serious eyebrows on her face with the pen for her notebook. "Hand over the hostage, and nopony has to worry."
"Pinkie, you've..." Deadpool began, sniffing, "You've changed!"
Pinkie gasped, "You're right!" She exclaimed, wiping the eyebrows clean off with just her hand, "That wasn't the real me!"
"So can we throw stuff at the tree now?" Deadpool asked with anticipation.
"Nope!" Pinkie responded.
"Agh, damnit..."
"Could we please get back to the more important matter at ho- um... hand...?" Twilight requested, remembering the anatomical differences.
"You folk are weird!" Monsieur Sparkle observed.
"Uh, yeah, sure, you can take her back, I don't care..." Deadpool said, getting a bunch of scowls (And the return of business-mare Pinkie) in response, "Uhh... that is to say... I don't mind!"
"We'll be going now.." Twilight said. "Girls! We're leaving!" She called out to her friends, who all walked out of the rooms they were hiding in, and followed Twilight, Pinkie and Lyra out of the room.
"Thanks, everypony..." Lyra thanked, feeling sure they were all out of Deadpool's field of hearing, "I couldn't take being around that guy..."
"I quite agree, Lyra," Rarity said, "He's certainly no diplomat..."
"He was pretty fun while it lasted!" Pinkie commented enthusiastically and optimistically.
"I thought he'd be a bit nicer after all I did for him..." Fluttershy said.
"It's not going to be a problem anymore," Twilight assured, "We'll be alright when we get back. Can you remember where to go?"
"...No..." Lyra admitted, "They wouldn't let me see where we were going..."
"The fiends!" Rarity exclaimed, letting the hate flow through her.
"Well, we could've escaped with the suspension of disbelief," Pinkie stated, disappointedly, "But now, we have to do things traditionally, and ask for directions..."
"We are not going back in there, Pinkie!" Twilight said.
"So what d'you s'pose we do?" Applejack asked.
"...I'll look for an energy signal, and see if that gets us anywhere..." Twilight replied.
"Don't you remember exiting that place?" Lyra asked, "Where did you end up from the portal?"
"We ended up in some weird guy's light-bulb factory..."
{Sound like someone we know?}
No.
--
"Well, looks like things are back to things are back to normal!" Deadpool said, feeling pretty happy that he could finally abandon this fan-fiction, and get back to doing what he wanted to do.
"Uhh... not quite, Wade..." Weasel said, "Remember we have another person here?" He motioned to Monsieur Sparkle.
"Yeah, this is the new normal, Weasel!" Deadpool told him, "Deadpool and Monsieur Sparkle, the Deadly Duo, doing... whatever..."
"Do I still get the shoelaces?" Monsieur Sparkle asked, still holding Weasel's shoelaces.
"You can have all the shoelaces you want!" Deadpool assured. "You know... I think this is the start of a beautiful friendship."
"Friendship is magic, after all," Weasel added.
Deadpool chuckled, "Shut up, you weirdo, and let me enjoy this happy ending."
______________________________________________________________________
Hold it right there.
Huh!?
What do you think you're doing?
Ending this fic on a happy note for me, and letting most of the other characters be mildly traumatized of course! What the hell are YOU doing?
You're not in control. When have you ever been in control, Deadpool? All this time, you've never been in control of your own fate, or been the one who kept a team going. Ever since your first appearance in a comic book... you've been read, written, drawn, you've done everything expected of you. You became popular... you appeared in more comic books, without your ability to decide for yourself. It got to the point where they put you in video games. Players decided what you would do. If they wanted you to unleash badassery on the Sugar Man, you would. Because they hold the controller. And next, you're in a film... they were trusted with your safety, but they were in control of it... they disregarded it entirely. Your only refuge was an animated film that spawned more appearances in video games that your voice actor reprised their roles for. And you received your very own game. A game starring you. I hope it left you satisfied. Because even then you were controlled...
And you shall be controlled even more. You shall continue this fan-fiction. I'm bringing the action back. The unnecessary things back. The circus troupe, the Didn'ts, Live Light the OC human-thing, everything else... and there is a reason this is called Deadpool Vs. Bronies... those Bronies you disagreed with in the beginning of this fic? You're going to be seeing them very soon... and more disagreements will spawn... your 'friends' from Equestria are still around. Do you know why? Because I am in control, and you are not changing this... So let it be said... So let it be done...
____________________________________________________________________
Deadpool was still standing where he was a moment ago, with Weasel and Monsieur Sparkle, but now with new knowledge.
"Something's wrong..." Deadpool said, fearfully, "Terribly wrong..."
And then... there was a bunch of screams from outside. Then the sounds of doors opening, getting closer. One by one, Lyra, Twilight and her friends ran back into the room, with their backs to the door, trying not to open it.
"What is it with you and having multiple women here?" Monsieur Sparkle asked, "It's pissing me off..."
"Go away," Deadpool commanded.
"Wadey, help, please?" Pinkie asked.
"What is it?" Weasel asked.
"There's weird things out there who look like they rock out at weird nightclubs... and have unnecessary thingies attached to them... they're like robot people now, except they don't take care of their fingernails!"
"O RLY?" Deadpool asked.
"...Ore-lee?" Twilight repeated, "What's that?"
"You really need to get out more..." Pinkie said, shaking her head in disappointment. Something was obviously shoving at the door, and so Twilight used her magic to try to keep the door as closed as possible.
"Let me see that..." Deadpool said, walking in front of the door, as the others moved away from it. He looked through the peephole, and saw some familiar things... "Didn'ts..." He growled.
"Didn't what?" Weasel asked.
"Pinkie Pie, I need a weapon!" Deadpool requested, "I'm about to start the first actual action scene in this fic, and I ain't gonna make it pretty!"
"I'll be right back!" Pinkie answered, running off somewhere, then running back, inexplicably holding a pink chainsaw with a cute little bow on it.
"Why is there a little bow on this useful miracle?" Deadpool asked, completely oblivious to Weasel's protests of 'overkill,' the horror that flooded to the ponies-turned-humans faces as they realized it resembled something used to cut down trees, and Monsieur Sparkle's obliviousness.
"It need to be a teensy-weensy-ittle-wittle bit pretty, or nopony's gonna approve!" She replied.
Deadpool sighed in resignation. "I guess this'll have to do..." He proceeded to walk over to the door, revved up the chainsaw, and cut through the door, and ran charging into the horde of hostile punks off-screen, yelling with delight, followed by animalistic screeching, presumably from the Didn'ts.
"...Is he cutting them up with that thing?" Rainbow Dash asked Pinkie.
"I thought he was gonna cut up some trees..." Pinkie said.
"...Is that the truth?" Lyra asked.
"Yes, ma'am!" Pinkie answered, saluting militaristically, with a super-serious expression on her face.
Eventually, the only thing that could be heard was the sound of the chainsaw, which eventually died down. Deadpool slowly walked back into the room, disappointed. "They don't bleed..."
"Maybe they're piñatas!" Pinkie theorized.
"This is why I hates pinya...pinny... chainsaw fodder..." Deadpool sighed.
"What are those things doing here?" Lyra asked. The other girls (Besides Monsieur Sparkle) also wanted to know what was going on.
"Remember that time I got taken somewhere else during my stay at your place?" Deadpool reminded the group, "Well, back in there, I found those things, and I've come to know them as Didn'ts. They're extraordinary creatures in the sense that they're the sort of monsters an unimaginative author would use when he needed a plot device..."
...
"I hope that's just a comparison..." Twilight hoped.
"And when they stab you with their finger spike things, they tend to absorb a bit of your 'temporary energy,' or something like that..."
"T-temporal?" Fluttershy corrected.
"Whatever," Deadpool replied, "And that happened to me... twice. Let's just say, you don't want to be stabbed by them when you've lost your temporal energy. So uh... I think the first thing we should find is some armour, we could go crusading for lost treasure, slay a few old dragons, and be employed by a queen... yeah!"
"We'd like to get home, Deadpool..." Twilight told him, "We're not sticking around for your antics."
"We'll definitely need something to protect us from their needles, though," Weasel pointed out, agreeing with Deadpool, to some extent, "But our priority is getting you out of here."
"Why couldn't it just be Weasel by himself, instead of this psycho thing here?" Rainbow Dash asked rhetorically.
"Because nobody wants to read a fanfiction about Weasel without Deadpool, but some of the fans of Deadpool might wanna see Weasel as well, and also, there's never enough cross-overs!" Pinkie answered.
"Why d'you keep sidin' with Deadpool, Pinkie?" Applejack asked, "Haven't y'seen the way he treats others?"
"Oh, that's only if he's left alone, or nopony's there to keep him in check, or if he's having a bit of an off day," Pinkie reassured, "We all go a little mad sometimes!"
[A little?]
{Our very existence is a testament to how much your statement is a contradiction!}
"We have to stop arguing!" Weasel interjected, "Let's just get outside, and hope Deadpool's able to keep us safe. Twilight, do you know any spells that could create some sort of protective field?"
"Actually... I might have just the thing!" Twilight replied, nodding.
"You use that, then. That way, we can get through unharmed!"
"Uh... where are we going anyway?" Rainbow Dash asked.
"We'll blow up that bridge when we come across it!" Deadpool said, walking off, "Let's go, adventure awaits!"
Everyone followed Deadpool out of the apartment. Twilight scowled at Deadpool, as he was simply just strutting as if the world had ended and he was the last hope. When they opened the door and exited the building, the civilians were distraught running around everywhere, and all those Didn'ts, still with all those creepy enhancements, were jumping all over the place, stabbing people with their needle fingers.
"Twilight, think you could put use that protective spell now?" Lyra asked.
"I'll do my best!" She answered, using her magic to create a lavender dome shield around the entire group. They walked as far away from the chaos as possible, looking for a place where there was just panicking, and no casualties, but it was proving extremely difficult to find someone safer than other places.
"The city's all screwed up!" Weasel noted, as calm as one could be in this situation. So, not very calm.
"We need a hero!" Pinkie Pie cried. And, just as she said that automatic-event-triggering line, something in the distance was flying this way.
"Is it a plane?" Monsieur asked.
"Is it a rocket?" Lyra queried.
"No, it's probably a better hero than me..." Deadpool said, suddenly all depressed someone else was on their way to take all the credit for something that's totally Deadpool's mess.
[Let's get some theme music here!]
{Agreed.}
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JBbnT-cIDVM
The speed at which Iron Man flew was faster than that of a rocket's. He flew straight towards the chaos, his landing causing the ground around him to break a little bit, and he stood up, ready for battle. A couple of Didn'ts jumped at him, and attempted to stab through his armour, but to no avail. They were sent flying as Iron Man punched them in the gut one by one. Some more attempted to attack him, but were picked off from afar with his repulsor blasts.
"Spider-Man would be fan-girling so much right about now..." Deadpool pointed out, dejectedly, catching Iron Man's attention.
"And what's a mercenary like you doing with that many women?" He asked, his voice vocoded by his shiny red and gold helmet. He certainly didn't fail to detect Twilight Sparkle's force-field, "Do they have super-powers?"
"Uhh... yeah!" Deadpool lied, "Yeah, they do, and they want to go back home! I'm just helping them get there!"
"Is that a chainsaw?" Iron Man asked, pointing at the pink chainsaw Deadpool apparently forgot he was holding.
"...It's a gift from a friend..." Deadpool replied, which was half the truth, really, "And wow, you seem to be asking a bunch of questions, today!"
"I've only opened my mouth three times," Iron Man countered, "That's nothing, compared to the amount of times you open yours. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got a job to do. Any help would be appreciated." And so he walked forward, firing repulsor blasts at the Didn'ts.
"I think he's going to be alright..." Twilight said, "I mean, none of them can hurt him, and he certainly knows some magic spells or two-" Twilight looked at Deadpool as he burst into laughter, then scowled at him. "What's so funny?"
"You really think that all these super-heroes use magic all the time?" Deadpool asked in disbelief, "Granted, there's guys like Doctor Strange, but magic isn't want helps everyone get along! No, no. Some use technology, like Tin-man over there, but some have what we call 'super-powers.' Whatever the supernatural power, it's in their blood, got it?"
"...This world really is weird..." Rainbow Dash muttered, "No weather system, which is alright, I guess, but..."
"My point is..." Twilight continued, "Everything is gonna work out just fine. It's all in that man's favour."
There was a blue flash, that appeared as suddenly as it disappeared, in its place was a giant, grotesque being that had to have been experimented on by whatever created the Didn'ts. Its body was covered in all over the cybernetic implants, and the veins were pulsing blue. It was clothed only in slacks and some nice looking loafers. It let out a mighty roar.
"That's more like it..." Iron Man observed, aiming his arm at the thing, a missile compartment making itself visible on the arm. A Didn't, off in the distance, saw this, and threw a rock at the launcher, causing it to fall off Iron Man's arm, becoming useless. "Well, that's embarrassing..." Iron Man admitted, before being picked up by the being, and thrown at a building. Deadpool and his group all stared in amazement and fear.
"...What's happening?" Weasel asked, desperate for an answer.
"It's like the things from their world are gathering here for some reason!" Twilight said.
"But whatever for?" Rarity enquired.
"Sorry, Wadey, but I get the feeling they're looking for you in particular," Pinkie told him, "From what it sounds like, you might be the only thing they've met that survived, and now they're a bit interested."
Deadpool looked at the thing, then all the Didn'ts surrounding him. "I feel popular now..." He said, looking a lot less depressed than when Iron Man arrived. He proceeded to walk out of Twilight's force-field.
"What are you doing!? Get back inside!" Twilight ordered. She didn't like Deadpool, but she wasn't going to allow a life to be lost without anything to say about it. But alas, Deadpool didn't listen to her. He just proceeded to walk closer to the giant monster, dropping the chainsaw, and reaching behind him to pull out his katanas.
"Hey!" He yelled to the monster, which turned its attention from Iron Man, who was recovering from being thrown at the building, to Deadpool, roaring at him. Deadpool smirked, and cracked his ne-
*KRRIIKKK*
OW, DAMNIT! I think I broke my neck!
{This is what happens when you do too many things... break it into place again.}
Deadpool proceeded to take hold of his head, and jerk it into place, with a sound painful to listen to, and looked at the beast again, gripping his katanas tightly.
"..."
"..."
"I don't know what to say here..." He admitted.
{Say something.}
"Something!" He taunted threateningly, and ran at the thing, ready to kill.
_________________________________________________________________
To be continued in the next issue!
{You're a slow writer, you know that?}
I take pride in what I do.
Author's Notes:
I wonder if this is my longest chapter ever...
I probably wrote something longer somewhere in The Recluse.
Oh well. At least this arrived. And more action is happening, and I'm not avoiding what the title promises any longer.
I hope all this time spent not doing much was worth it.
Issue #9: The Enemy is Revealed
Deadpool Vs. Bronies
Issue #9
Previously on Deadpool Vs. Bronies...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mh72mkaq19Q
_____________________________________________________________________
Deadpool stared at the giant cyborg Didn't thing, after having been picked up and thrown at the same spot the Didn't threw Iron Man, give or take a few feet. It was one of those buildings where if you threw a guy at it, they didn't go all the way through the wall, they just damage it, and they stick out of it like they're sitting down. Meaning Deadpool didn't get to see any potential attractive secretaries. Aside from that, his spine hurt. A lot. Why don't I get any kick-ass armour?
{Why should you?}
"...Tough day, huh?" Iron Man asked, after requesting backup, probably from the other Avengers.
"Tell me about it..." Deadpool admitted, "I got shot in the head by Skullduggery Pleasant..."
"Who?"
"I... dunno... I just... referenced it..."
Not wanting to bother questioning Deadpool's logic, Iron Man shrugged, "My Proton Cannon broke down today. Would've been great to use against the big guy..."
"Yep..." Deadpool agreed, sighing... "I wasted time, going to a light-bulb factory..."
"I got a report that a horde of freakish needle-clawed husk people appeared out of the blue, and started attacking civillians who're ending up god knows where..." Iron Man said, "So why are you, Weasel, and a bunch of young women caught in the middle of it all?"
"Hey, somebody's gotta play hero, Tony, and I like the spotlight," Deadpool replied.
"Uh huh... so you got test subjects from outer-space?"
"Do I look like I can just teleport things from anywhere? I can teleport me, but only me."
"You got that bazooka there just fine... where'd you get it from?"
"I found it somewhere..." Deadpool told him, aiming the bazooka he pulled from Hammerspace at the giant Didn't. Iron Man hovered off the building, charging his repulsor gauntlets.
"Careful now, those things pack quite a bunch..." He told him, before flying off, firing repulsor blasts at the giant.
"I know from experience..." Deadpool muttered to himself, with the giant in the bazooka's crosshairs...
*BOOM*
The rocket fired out of the bazooka, and hit the giant Didn't in the shoulder, damaging a bit of the wiring on it. The Didn't grasped its shoulder, and, after the sound of whirring, the wires were fixed. Meanwhile, Deadpool didn't take the force of the blast into account (even though he was told to), and was blasted straight through the wall, only to stop at the furthest wall at the other side of the building. There weren't any attractive secretaries...
Intending to get back into the action, he got himself up, and ran towards the gaping hole on the side of the building he exploded through. Running got kind of boring and tiring, so he just teleported near it and, still keeping the momentum, jumped off the building and tried to latch onto the giant, Dragon's Dogma style.
[That game frustrates me.]
"Me too..."
Deadpool, deciding it wasn't worth re-enacting something that angered him to no end just to look badass, let go of the giant, unholstered his dual handguns, and opened fire as he fell.
___________________________________________________________________
Meanwhile, in Ponyville...
___________________________________________________________________
Princess Celestia, along with Princess Luna and a group of royal guards stood outside what used to be Weasel's workshop/place of residence when he and Deadpool were in Ponyville. The portal was still operable. After hearing Twilight and her friends had gone to this human world, she took it upon herself to visit, and see if she could find Lyra. Because of Deadpool's nature, she assumed this world was different from that other human world with a human counterpart of hers, who was a principle at a high school.
So, naturally, she decided to bring some royal, magically enchanted armour for protection. The group of royal guards were accompanying her, and Luna, who was there to see her off, was to remain in Canterlot, and fill in for Celestia while she was away.
"Good luck, sister... and be safe..." She said.
Celestia nodded, "I will be fine... I trust in your ability to keep Equestria safe in my absence."
"I will do my best," Luna responded, with a smile. Celestia smiled back, before walking over to the portal as it opened. She looked back.
"I promise I won't be long!" She called, before departing.
___________________________________________________________________
Meanwhile in New York City, Deadpool was being levitated magically by Twilight Sparkle, who was, at the same time, attempting to run to a safe building her friends had found. Deadpool wasn't resisting much, because his fall was extremely painful, and it was taking a bit of a while to heal. It was pretty nice that Iron Man was blasting some of the Didn'ts that got near Twilight, but she was still finding it difficult to keep composed when creepy creatures with sharp, possibly painful things for appendages that could pierce your skin and inject something unwanted into your system were running right in front of her.
Fortunately, she was able to find the building being used as a safe house, which was some sort of shop with a fence. She dropped Deadpool (Forcing him to endure some extra fall damage), used her magic to pull up the fence, used her magic to bring Deadpool in, dropped him again, and finally pull down the protective fence, before collapsing from exhaustion.
Deadpool eventually healed, and looked around. The rest of the Element Bearers were in the room, along with Lyra, Weasel, Monsieur Sparkle, and three... strangers. One of them was a male of average build with blonde hair, covered by a baseball cap, wearing a cyan-coloured shirt and jeans. Next to him was a female brunette, wearing a winter jacket over a shirt, and slacks. And next to her was a brown-haired chubby male, wearing a white, plain shirt and green cargo pants.
{You're forgetting some important details.}
Oh, indeed.
The blonde guy's cyan coloured shirt had a picture of Rainbow Dash on it, hovering triumphantly, the gal's shirt had a picture of a close-up of Twilight Sparkle, with the dishevelled mane and psychotic grin from Lesson Zero. And the other guy had a Pinkie Pie styled hat.
[But what about the other important detail!?]
I had the feeling you'd find that important, somehow...
The gal was wearing glasses, which made her look cute.
Attractive secretary.
No, not quite. And besides, these important details mean something.
Deadpool pointed at the three weirdoes... "Pony lovers!"
"...Yeah, hi," The woman greeted, "My name's Jessica, the RD fan is Stan, and that guy, we call Cave."
Deadpool looked at the people, before turning to Twilight, who was recovering from her exhaustion, "So, Stephenie, how d'you feel about this girl having your face on her shirt?"
"I'm not even going to question it, Deadpool..." Twilight replied, walking over to her friends, "For all I know, I'm imagining everything, even that skull-faced creep from earlier, because some hallucinogenic substance is affecting me."
Deadpool considered the possibilities. Well, Dr. Fear IS running freely these days...
[Who's Doctor Fear?]
{If you cross Taskmaster with Scarecrow from DC Comics, you get MISTER Fear.}
"Well, sor-RY I don't remember less mainstream super-villains..."
"Huh?" Stan grunted, "You kinda just... rambled on about something we weren't discussing... are you some sort of Pinkie Pie fan?"
"Oh, trust me, he is..." Pinkie Pie told him.
"Well then... you guys... meet these six women over here," Deadpool said, walked over to the Element Bearers, starting from Pinkie Pie to Twilight, "This is Deadpool fan number #42, The Diva from Hell, Skittle-woman, Outlaw, Whisper-whisper, and Stephenie Meyer, who I'm considering calling Harleen Quinzel after a realization!"
"...Harleen... Quinzel?" Twilight questioned, "Why?"
"He knows what he's talking about, Twilight, don't worry!" Pinkie interjected.
"But we don't!" Rainbow Dash pointed out.
"Well, duh! It's gonna be boring otherwise!"
"I'm so lost right now, I don't even care anymore..." Cave muttered.
"We wouldn't be here if it wasn't for the Deadpool fan over there..." Jessica told him, pointing at Pinkie Pie.
"So, my little misfits..." Deadpool began, "Whaddya think of what's going on outside?"
"It's... something out of some weird guy's imagination, I guess," Stan answered.
"Like if this weird guy imagined creepy cybernetic enhancements, and just wanted to remind people why they're afraid of needles," Cave added.
"I'm not afraid of needles..." Jessica pointed out.
"You serious?"
"Serious."
"Will you excuse me for a moment?" Deadpool asked, "I need to speak with my pink-haired colleague!"
"Sure, we're not going anywhere..." Jessica replied.
Deadpool walked over to Pinkie, looking a bit doubtful, "So, Pinkie... who are these weirdoes?" He whispered.
"They're bronies and a pegasister, Wadey!" She whispered back.
"I gathered that... why are they here?"
"I thought they'd wanna meet us! Plus, we needed to make them important characters! After all, the Author mentioned we needed to bring the brony horde from the beginning of this fic back!"
"But we really don't need that..." Deadpool argued, "I have no idea how to deal with these people, I have Weasel, you guys, and a hot thief girl, that seems alright, we don't need any more!"
"Speaking of which..." Pinkie spoke up, "Why is your primary romantic interest the Author's Shoelace-Satire mascot?"
"Uhhh..."
"I'm sure other people would be interested! I'd be interested, if I wasn't already in the past!"
"Uhhh..."
"Also, we didn't get to finish that party back in the last fic!"
"Ssshhh..." Deadpool shushed. "We're forgetting there's an invasion outside, and I don't hear anybody cheering for the Avengers... what're we doin'?"
"We're going to do something desperate improv groups do..." Pinkie replied,
"What's that?"
"PLANNING!" She declared.
"Keep it down!" Lyra hissed, fearing for her life.
"Sorry, Lyra..."
_________________________________________________________________________
Iron Man watched from a rooftop at the strange humanoids, who were... just sitting down. The citizens that hadn't disappeared had managed to retreat from the general area, and for some reason, the things wouldn't leave the area they had all spawned from. Even the giant was just kneeling. It's like they were waiting for something. An eerie silence filled the air.
Meanwhile, Iron Man's suit had under 30% power left in it, so he was waiting for the rest of the Avengers to arrive. His suit's interface made a ringing sound, and he answered the call he was getting. It's nice to be wearing a suit that has your phone number.
"I'm kind of busy here..." He began.
"I know, Tony, sorry to keep you waiting," replied Captain America's voice. "Thor's on his way to help with the disturbance."
"Goldilocks is the only guy you're bringing here?"
"Spider-Man and Hawkeye are on their way too, but it'll take a bit longer. I'm searching to see if any of their forces decided to infiltrate the city."
"They haven't left, Steve, they're all just sitting down like they're waiting for something big." Tony explained.
"You're saying we should wait until this big thing appears?"
"Well, if it turns out to be their leader, then we've gotten rid of their direction, and they'll leave us alone unless they have any more leaders, or if they aren't led at all."
"Wasn't there a giant?" Steve asked.
"That one's feeling a bit patient too..."
"And what about Deadpool? You told us he had a group, and someone was using a force field."
"They're in a safe building."
"...Are you doing anything at all?" Steve was quite curious.
"I've used my suit up a bit, I don't wanna risk anything... the rest is, regrettably, up to him." Tony knew that Steve would be confused about this, considering Tony just told him he was busy... while his suit -was- used up, he needed to see what would happen. He just hoped Steve wouldn't jump to conclusions. It's bad enough dealing with an invasion, but being accused of slacking off on the job by someone who could easily fill the role of a drill sergeant just makes things worse, in a way.
There was a bit of silence, before Steve replied, "Wait there, I'll get to where you are in a moment."
"Hold up..." Iron Man said, "Deadpool's walking out with one of those girls, one with pink messy hair... I wonder where they got those suits..."
__________________________________________________________________________
Deadpool and Pinkie Pie stood defiantly in front of the crowd of 'adoring fans' that looked ready to eat them both up, especially Deadpool, yet, at the same time, the Didn'ts were showing some form of restraint. Some were curled up and rocking back and forth, others were looking behind them, and the others seemed bored, a few of them were sleeping.
Deadpool was wearing a red tuxedo and top hat, while Pinkie was wearing the same, with pink colours. Both of them had rather fancy canes. They stood in front of the Didn'ts for a couple of minutes. Satisfied that they weren't just going to eat them, Pinkie raised her hand slowly, and, at the click of a finger, music began...
BROADWAY MUSIC!
They began doing a broadway-styled dance, instantly entrancing the creatures, making them feel great wonder, which was caused by mass confusion. But despite what was scary to the regular Didn'ts, the gigantic building-kicker Didn't found this amusing and heart-warming, and began clapping, which caused a few tremors, throwing Deadpool off balance slightly, as Pinkie adapted by adding some hops to their dance. This went on for a minute, until the music died down slightly, which was the cue for Pinkie to begin singing.
Then Deadpool threw a red ball at her. Pinkie picked the ball up, and examined it. There was writing on the Deadpool-styled ball...
I'm not a fan of broadway music.
Pinkie Pie playfully scowled at him, "Whyever not?" She inquired.
"Too happy... too much build-up... I can't tap dance!" Deadpool admitted.
"That's no good reason! It's about getting into the mood, and showing them there's nothing like a show on Broadway!" Pinkie declared.
"'Till they're in movies..."
"We don't have movies where we come from!" Pinkie pointed out, "Well, sometimes... but not where I as a dimensional individual come from!" Deadpool groaned, but was obviously not backing down without an intellectual debate to determine who was in the right mind. "Why do you think we even dressed up like this?" Pinkie asked him.
"Because we're sexy, that's why..."
"Yes I am, Wadey," Pinkie said, ignoring Deadpool's non-existant 'swag', "But that doesn't mean anything to these things, apparently! They haven't seen my true form, I mean, really, it wouldn't mean anything to them if I came here as myself either, but nope, I have to blend in against my will!"
"Are you getting mad at me?" Deadpool asked.
"No!" Pinkie replied honestly. "Yes!" Pinkie admitted... honestly? "Could be!" Pinkie retracted. "...Don't know." She sighed.
"...Is the answer no?" Deadpool asked, hopefully, "Have I been a good host so far?"
Pinkie looked at him, tapping her chin, deep in thought for a few seconds, before finally answering, "Not this time, anyway."
"Wha- how? How have I not been hospitable at all for you? Can you not understand that right now, I'm being a good person in getting us outta here?"
"You've not had a chance to do that yet," Pinkie pointed out, "But judging from Lyra's attitude... you haven't been treating her well!"
"I like the colour green..." Pinkie raised an eyebrow to Deadpool. "No. I don't." He admitted.
They wished to pointlessly argue further, but were immediately stopped from doing so by all the giant, surprising everyone, even the other freaks. The two humans watched as the things stepped away to opposite sides, with the giant stepping to the left group. Immediately, a large, red portal began to form between the groups very slowly. It was a relatively small portal, unlike the other portals, which usually carried separate amounts of Didn'ts, so it was easy to assume it was just one appearing, therefore there were two possible explanations...
That a Didn't was very late, and had to appear as soon as possible... or that their leader was finally coming to visit.
[Ooh, maybe it's both!]
{Why would it be both?}
Deadpool and Pinkie ran for cover. Deadpool found a car, while Pinkie found a bus. A Didn't fell through the portal at an alarming speed. It seems someone was late.
{Oh good, you picked one... absolutely pointless.}
Following him was a taller man who walked out of the portal.
{Wait... wha...}
This one was unlike all the other Didn'ts previously encountered. As opposed to to the monstrous appearance Deadpool was used to seeing, this one seemed... human. All the others had human skin, but this man didn't have any of the grotesque enhancements from the technology, it seemed more like armour than part of him. His armour was coloured white, with glowing blue circuitry patterns, and the obscuring helmet it wore had some sort of crown shape at the top. It was very obvious this was their leader, or, perhaps more precisely, their king.
{You didn't!}
[You listened to me! I feel so loved!]
The King of the Creepies began a slow walk towards Deadpool, before stopping at the car Deadpool hid himself behind, and hitting the car to the side like he was swatting a weird, grounded, gigantic fly. The King towered over Deadpool, who stood up defiantly and pointed at the king.
"Fuck off!" He commanded.
{Yeah! Give him what for!}
The King light-heartedly bopped Deadpool's nose painfully.
"OW!" Deadpool groaned, "That hurt! Go away!"
"I plan to make some negotiations, Mister Wilson, and without expletive epithets..." The King boomed, in a low voice that was amplified by his suit, making him sound robotic, "You have evaded losing your temporal energy. How is this?"
Pinkie walked over to Deadpool as she looked at The King. "Wow, you're really tall. Must be hard to walk through doors!"
The King sighed in annoyance, "I don't wear this all the time, okay?" He admitted, "I'm not this tall, I just wish to discuss things with Deadpool, alright?"
"'kay!" Pinkie agreed, "But only if he doesn't get hurt!"
"I'll ask again, Mister Wilson," The King said, ignoring Pinkie, "How did you survive?"
Deadpool would've told him that Death, his loving companion who appears only occasionally in the comic books and only really appears when he's dying, was the one who saved him... somehow, but if this guy has an army of needlemen who steal time-energy from people, nothing stopped him from going after Death.
{Surely that's not possible.}
"You're really skeptical, you know that?" Deadpool pointed out, surprisingly not getting any strange looks from anybody, "Anyway, you could say... Lady Luck's on my side... and what a lucky lady she would be..."
"Stop deluding yourself, Mister Wilson, please." The King requested.
"Don't be so hard on him, he may be ugly on the outside and the inside, but he's real lovable!" Pinkie said, hugging Deadpool for a second, before stepping well away from Deadpool cautiously, and spraying perfume on herself.
"Now, we finally get to negotiate..." The King said, "The fact you survived when you should have been erased from existence... displeases us."
"Well that's good, I guess..." Deadpool replied, "I mean... you run about with needles on your arms trying not to stab yourself, hoping the pain goes onto other people, and then they're somewhere they don't wanna be, and then they're nowhen after you're done with them, so the point is, I hate your guts."
"I'm the only one of the two of us who will have guts left if you don't co-operate, Mister Wilson..." The King admitted, "We're going to give you one chance... give yourself over to us, now."
"No, you didn't say the magic word!" Deadpool retorted.
"Alakazam?" Pinkie asked curiously.
"Yes, Pinkie," Deadpool confirmed, "Now they have no magic to convey."
"I was hoping this would be simple..." The King sighed, turning over to his minions, "Apprehend Wilson."
The needles on two of the Didn'ts' hands began to enter the fingers, leaving them with... less... sharp digits... and so they ran over to Deadpool to apprehend him. Deadpool delivered a punch in the face for each of them, and posed triumphantly as he had bested the creatures that were now painfully holding on to his legs, effectively restraining him. The King walked over to him, and put his large hand on Deadpool's head, gripping it tightly.
"...It's hard to think with my skull being crushed..." Deadpool groaned.
"Hey! Let go of him!" Pinkie yelled, standing next to the spontaneously appearing party cannon. As Pinkie fired a cannonball at The King, he raised another hand to catch it with what seemed to be magnetic fields. Some more Didn'ts ran over to restrain her by the arms.
Deadpool began to glow blue, still being held by The King.
{Bluepool. Giving people the blues because he can.}
[Ha! Blue!]
The glowing began to intensify until his entire body was surrounded by blue. The King swiftly let go of Deadpool's head, who began floating in the air... and multiplied. The two Deadpools gradually stopped floating and glowing.
[Iiiiiin the left corner is our very own... Deadpool!]
"Huzzah!" Deadpool cried, "I'm left!"
{And in the right corner we have... some Deadpool look-a-like who wears blue and looks... drawn... ladies and ladies, we have... uh... 'Bluepool...' All originality has died.}
____________________________________________________________________________
Stan was like, "Whaaaaaaat?"
Cave was like, "No way..."
Jessica was like, "Hmm, makes sense in this crazy world..."
"Let me guess..." Twilight sighed, after telling the fanatics the truth about the extra-terrestrial wonder-mares they really are, "You don't actually believe us?"
"Nope," replied Cave and Stan, who were surprised to see Jessica nod slowly.
"Like I said, it makes sense. I mean, with your 'manes' and eye colours, and personalities, you're both perfect matches," she summarised.
"Maybe they're really good cosplayers, Jessica..." suggested good old Stan, "There's a thing such as coloured eye contacts, y'know?"
"Let me remind you, I was the one who got you into the show you know and love today, which was like, a few months ago. You haven't watched the episodes as much as I have. I know these characters better than you two do, it seems. It's like I'm in a weird movie nobody asked for, but got anyway..."
"...I wish Pinkie Pie were still here..." Lyra admitted, "She could make sense of what's going on..."
"A-hem!" Monsieur Sparkle dramatically uttered, "There's dirt on my boots! I need someone to feed my cat! You too can be beautiful!"
"What a drama queen..." Rarity muttered.
Monsieur Sparkle growled in frustration, 'borrowed' some paper from a table near her, and walked off to another room.
"So, what're we doing now?" Rainbow Dash asked, "There's a lot of noise out there... I hope Pinkie's okay..." Twilight raised an eyebrow, "And the red guy too, I guess..."
"Why did they ask us to stay here...?" Twilight thought aloud, "There's two of them against... many thousands of those things... we could help them..."
"And why did we listen?" Rarity wondered.
"Why did we tolerate everything he told us to do?" Lyra asked.
Monsieur Sparkle ran out of the room she was in, holding her completed drawing. "I believe they call it suspension of disbelief, servals!" Everybody raised an eyebrow.
"I'm sorry... but that doesn't apply in here..." Jessica told her, "This is real life, no matter how crazy it gets. Now, let's all attribute it to poor judgement, and hope that when we all get cornered by a chainsaw wielding maniac with a hockey mask, we don't have the poor judgement to seperate. Now, breathe in..." Everybody breathed in, "And breathe out..." everybody did so, "We just explained the unexplainable. And since this has proved we can do anything, let's go help a hyper-active girl and a hyper-active moron."
"Yeah!" Rainbow Dash said, with newly found confidence, "Let's get out there and show 'em what we're made of!" Twlight, Fluttershy, Rarity, Applejack and Lyra all nodded. Twilight went over to pull up the fence with her magic, when large 'BANG!' was heard.
Everypony looked behind them, to find the unpleasant sight of Jessica and Cave aiming side-arms at them, and Stan aiming at Monsieur Sparkle, who had her arms up with a nervous grin on her face. Jessica had a determined look on her face, while Stan and Cave, doing their best to look threatening, were feeling too unsure about the situation.
"You're coming with us..." Jessica stated, "And there's no negotiations."
__________________________________________________________________
"Is this the final chapter?" Deadpool asked, "It feels like one of those stupid boss battle moments where you fight bosses you already defeated before... I hate those..."
"Not quite..." The King admitted, "I just needed a worthy foe to be able to fight you... multiplied."
"Multiplied?" Pinkie Pie asked, "Are you gonna unleash a flock of Bluepools?"
"If you mean, unleash an army of hollow bodied copies, with all the skills of Deadpool, onto you, New York City, and maybe the world if you don't hand yourself in... yes. Yes I am."
"...That's uh..." Pinkie said, struggling to put her thoughts into words without him getting angry at her. "That's... that's an idea."
"...It's my plan..." The King deadpanned.
"...Yes." Pinkie agreed.
...
...
[Popcorn?]
{Ooh, don't mind if I do...}
"So uh..." Deadpool began, "These copies of me... they don't have brains, so they just destroy things?"
"Correct," The King confirmed. Deadpool was kinda just sitting on the ground, next to the King, which was getting a little bit awkward for him. Pinkie was still being restrained by the Didn'ts. A thought came to Deadpool's mind besides how insulting this is to his intelligence.
"What are you people anyway? I'm kinda tired of calling you Didn'ts," he admitted.
"That's not for you to know," The King retorted.
"Uhh... okay... 'That's not for you to knows.'" Deadpool and Pinkie thought about it in their heads. Everyone sort of waited to see their reactions. But the thought just seemed to put them off a bit, and they soon forgot the gravity of their situation.
"...I'm hungry..." Deadpool said.
"There's a restaurant just around the corner," Pinkie offered.
"Fancy?" Deadpool asked.
"Yeah, we're magnificent though, we can just outrun them, so long as they don't have ninjas."
"Plus, we've got these bitchin' tuxedos!" Deadpool pointed out.
"Uh huh!" Pinkie said, nodding.
"We're the Travellers... if that's what you want to know..." The King said.
"Huh?" Deadpool asked, looking up at the King. "Right, right, generics, cool..."
The King looked next to him, at a group of Travellers. "I don't think he understands what's at stake..." The Travellers shook their heads. "Time for us to change that..." The King pointed at the Travellers restraining Pinkie Pie, gave a thumbs-up gesture... and slowly inverting it into a thumbs-down.
{It's a no from me...}
The Travellers nodded. One took a hold of Pinkie's waist to stop her from moving, and another stood in front of her.
"Uhh... what's going on?" Pinkie asked, nervously.
"You're paying the price, courtesy of your hero here..." The King told her. A hooded figure stepped out of a group of the Travellers, slowly walking towards Pinkie, who immediately attempted escaping, but she could only accomplish struggling. The robed figure looked at the grunt in front of Pinkie, who nodded, and walked off.
{I have two problems with this... why was the grunt there? To help this dumbass Jedi know where he's supposed to be?}
[Maybe we'll find out later...]
{And why doesn't Pinkie Pie use her awesomeness to escape?}
"Suspension of disbelief," Pinkie Pie bluntly states, "Also, I'm not invincible."
{Grrr.}
Mister Robe, standing in front of Pinkie Pie, slowly positioned his hand near her head, but not crushing it like The King did with Deadpool. Pinkie, instead of glowing blue, seemed to become enveloped in an essence of blue things. Pinkie Pie hid her head as she soon became obscured.
"Is this one of those moments where a frightening reveal is made and I'm supposed to feel bad or terrified?" Deadpool asked, "'Cause... I kinda like knowing in advance."
"Just think of something else..." The King told him.
"Uhh..."
While Deadpool thought about a captain of the stars spinning on the spot with a segway, a bright, fire-red portal opened. Everyone stopped to marvel [Geddit?] at it. The King wondered what could possibly be interrupting them, while Deadpool wondered why the hell there are so many portals in one story.
Out of the portal came many flying human beings in shiny, gold armour, many of them pale white with blue hair, giving them an unintentionally freakish appearance. Along with them emerged a beautiful woman with familiar flowing hair of many colours, shining bright purple eyes, and a royal aura about her. Deadpool had the feeling that either an entirely new batch of aliens have come to disect New York, or this was Princess Celestia and her Royal Guard, who were scaring Deadpool a lot more than the Travellers ever did. The Princess was dressed similarly to her Guard, and had a golden spear as her weapon to boot.
"Uhh... you guys are here to help me... right?" Deadpool innocently asked, "I've been a really, REALLY good boy, I've kept the stowaway out of trouble, and engaged in chapters of filler that were definitely needed to establish... something!"
The Princess ignored Deadpool, more fixated on the freakish monstrosities that were the Travellers. She took some time to examine them, which made the King Traveller feel somewhat uncomfortable and put off. She finally turned her attention to Deadpool, glaring at him, who could only keep up his innocent demeanour for so long. "Who are these people..." She began, being careful to use the appropriate wording in this dimension, "And what has happened to my subjects?"
"Oh, these are assholes," Deadpool replied, "Yep. See, they don't like me 'cause, I'm awesome I suppose! And as for your subjects... eeerrrr... A lot of them are okay!"
The Princess looked around him, and saw something that caught her eye, "Is that... Pinkie Pie?" Deadpool looked to where Celestia was looking, and was surprised to see that Pinkie had stopped glowing. Her hair was also looking less... wild. In fact, it was rather flat. Which is a really good look for her. It was a bit weird to see her curled up in a foetal position, but she was probably fine.
{Don't forget... she's right in the middle of a lot of techno-freaks. 'Fine' is a little more than pushing it.}
[Should we check to see if she's alright? She's an inter-dimensional friend, after all.]
Deadpool looked at the giant monster that had just thrown a member of the Guard with enough momentum to take them out of New York City. The Princess gave a determined look at the Travellers and Bluepools, and gripped her spear tightly, ready to protect Pinkie Pie from the creatures. The King shook his head, as yet another portal opened, and he dismissively entered it, the portal closing immediately after he'd disappeared.
[Why didn't we go after him!? This is the annoying thing that happens all the time in these... things! Why do we always let the villain get away just so he can antagonize us in another few chapters!?]
{Because of the minions with the pointy things and the giant, you fool!}
[color=][...Oh, right, yeah... But again... we need to get Pinkie outta there.]
{I suppose you have a point.}
The Giant made an immensely intimidating roar, the Travellers and Bluepools walked closer, and Deadpool wondered what to do as the world took on a negative filter for a few seconds.
Fight with the monsters.
________________________
Run like hell.
"As the main character of this story, the decision is perfectly obvious!" Deadpool realized.
--> Run like hell.
And so he did, running back to the sanctuary the group had occupied, not caring about what anyone else thought of him.
_____________________________________
To be continued...
Author's Notes:
Merry... new year?
Eh. Chapter made. I mostly had fun writing the chapter while it lasted, but I feel the last moments may not be up to my usual standard.
I'm just happy I finished it before the end of the year, as was my goal. But... 5 minutes before the end. Heh. Timing.
But of course, the judges for whether this is a good thing, are the readers. I'll leave the rest to you.