A Wakeup call: Foul Realizations

A screech rips through my mind, sounding something akin to a cross between a rabid vultures cry and the malevolent yowling of a cougar. ~God do I hate mornings~ I think to myself as I muster the courage and willpower to open my eyes. I actually succeed, or at least manage to partly crack my right eye open. I am greeted with the sight of my mold green ceiling and the dull shards of light shining through my window.

I grimace as I roll off my cot, mumbling a curse at the new day as I turn to look at my "Numba 1 assistant" as he continued to screech that horrible cry in that infuriating nonchalant pose of his as he sat on the bottom ledge of the stairs leading out of my room. That snide sneer on his face constantly mocking me(There wasn't a single part of his face that wasn't mocking me actually). Those stupid 8 tails of his lashing back and forth, back and forth...Oh how he hates me so, and why shouldn't he? I was the one that spawned him from The Paths That Meet wasn't I?The only one that can use his ''True'' name, and the only one that can sever the ties that bind us willingly (As if that would ever happen!).

(That's not to say that the loathing isn't mutual...)

I raise my hand toward the imp, giving him a charitable warning look. He continues to blare on unyielding. I sigh as I begin to focus my frustration, Frustration gleaned from the memory of our first ...''encounter''...

That was when I lost what little innocence I had and became the 42nd favored apprentice to the ''benevolent" Duke Dusk. The last one had died of natural causes of course. That is, if a natural death was the rearrangement of ones insides with ones outsides. Apprentices never last long under the tutelage of the duke.

Then at last,I finally felt it, I felt the "Hex Pop". It was the tune in my head that told me that my magic could manifest and be controlled somewhat accurately.(Not as accurate as I would like, But what can you do.) The imps tails stop moving and tense up as I let out a chortle.
~Wow! That's a new record! It usually takes me about 5 tries before I manage to rile myself up like this.~ I thought to myself as I start reaching out with my mind...

The door bursts open as a reddish blur hurtles across the corridor, screeching until it abruptly slammed into the opposite wall. A figure strode out of the broken entry way, scowling at the red imp sprawled out in front of him.He looked to be a stern harden man, but his voice betrays his guise "Are you quite done Ehcuod?" The man said in a soft voice that sounded more like something belonging to a shepherd gently scolding his flock, then the cantankerous Grim-wizard that he was supposed to be acting like.

"Tick tock, tick tock "master" Ryze. The master is late again, as always. When will the master learn that the GREAT and POWERFUL Ehcuod is not a clock!" the imp sniggers and gives Ryze a mocking Tsk.

Ryze's eye twitch's as his ire once again builds up.

"Once again I asked you, trusted you, to set the clocks to wake me up normally for once, and once again you twist my words to your own means... Tell me Ehcuod, How did you manage to disobey me this time?" Ryze asked wearily.

"Silly master forgets yet again! Normalcy is a matter of opinion, doesn't the master know? Somewhere, somewhen, Demons make the best clocks for waking silly masters up." This lead to another bout of sniggers.

"Are you ever going to take that vacation of yours pest?" Ryze muttered dryly, rubbing the sleep from his eyes as he stared at the malicious imp.

"Oh! The Master wants the GREAT Ehcuod gone does he? Well Ehcuod will go when the Master Ryze Dayborn truly needs Ehcuod!" The red imp announced as it and its ominous giggling started to fade away.

Ryze sighs, knowing that the imp wasn't really gone, that Ehcuod was only taking a ride in the back of his mind, along with the steady tune from his Hex Pop.

At that moment Ryze finally realized the true purpose of the demons conversation with him. It was to distract him from the fact that he was late for a meeting with the duke Dusk. He gave a terrified gasp as he made a mad dash for the throne room.

I awaken to a stubby scaly finger finger prodding me in the back. I shove my muzzle into the pillow muttering,"Five more minutes" I muttered in my groggy state.
"Wakey wakey sleepy head. I have a surprise for you!" My assistant said excitedly as he continued to poke me.

"Alright! Alright already! I'm up! I'm up!" I say as I rub the sleep out of my eyes and turn to see a purple baby dragon. My purple baby dragon. I still remember our first encounter like it was yesterday...

That was the day that I became Celestia's favorite apprentice, and the start of the events that led to me being the pony I am today. I smile at the memory as I look at Spike, the dragon.

"Um... hello? Equestria to Twilight..." Spike said, waving his arm in front of me," your new book is here!"

I give out an excited gasp as I shooting out of bed a bit faster then I intended, falling flat on my face. Not that I really noticed past my glee. ~It's finally here!~I giddily thought to myself as I scrambled off the floor. The new tome has been delivered to ponyville and, as far as I know, it's the only one in Equestria!

"Gimme gimme gimme!" I barked at spike.(Okay I may be a tad zealous when it comes to new books in the library.) I focused my horn to grab the book, but it seems I was a little to forceful with my magic when I accidentally pulled spike along with the book. This time he was the one to fall on his face.

"Sorry spike..." I said, Restraining myself from giggling maniacally as I ogle the new book. This was it! This was the hoof-written tome of Star-swirled the bearded himself! The title Compitales: periculosum sine maleficio unicornium was engraved on the faded plain looking royal blue binding.

I quickly trot to the nearest table eager to study the book. What was most peculiar indeed was that something so old looks as if it was written only a few years ago. I decided to tackle this problem by first examining the binding. Although It was quite faded, it had the strangest texture! It didn't appear to be made from any of the usual wood pulp used in the creation of hardback books back then, or the thin parchment-like leaf-pulp used to create the modern paperback binding ponies use today.

~If I were to guess I would swear it wa- No, that's a stupid thought,Twilight ...~ I shake my head, dismissing a morbid thought as I continue my examination.The ink used in the griffphonic font in the title seems to still be fresh some how. I then noticed a strange smell in the air.

~Where is that smell coming from? Could it...Could it be comin- No, that's just silly, Twilight~ My thoughts, becoming tempted to make a strange assumption.I shake my head, giving a mental chuckle. All that's left before I start reading is the spine... ~Why am I so nervous?~

I sigh, scolding myself for being ridiculous. It's just a book! It's only ink and paper! So what if it was possible one of the last books made be The Greatest Unicorn Equestria Ever Had... Ever.

...

I facehoof so hard it hurts. I have been treating this like a normal book! No wonder it felt strange! To study a magic book, you need to have magic eyes!
Satisfied with what I decided, I start to reach out with my magic, feeling the true binding of the book with the tendrils of my mind.

"Umm... Twilight? Ya need anything?" Spike asked, interrupting me, sounding more then a little nervous.(I had completely forgotten about him!)

"Why don't you see how Rarity is doing spike? I am sort of busy here at the moment." I said to spike, who was distracting me from my work.

"Are you sure you don-"

"Yes spike, I got everything under control!Now go enjoy yourself!" I snapped.

"Sheez, No need to tell me twice Twilight..." Spike said, oblivious to the fact that I had to tell him twice to enjoy himself at Rarity's. ~Forget the pest,Twilight, there is work to be done~ I think to myself as I went back to the moment at hoof. I refocused my mind, barely noticing spike leaving the room.

Most enchanted books are usually enhanced to gain an edge in the very competitive world of book selling, catering to the readers need for more "immersion" .Usually, it may be a story book that actually reads itself to you, or a cookbook that manifests the smell of cupcakes when you read aloud its recipes. Most of the serious book lovers (such as myself) find this more then a little gimmicky, to say the least. This book however, was most definitely not a gimmick.
To call the magics placed upon this book serious magic would be an understatement .

As I opened my mind to examine the magic spells that kept the book in it's ageless state, I became acutely aware of the other details of the book. The aroma I noticed earlier became much more apparent, but still strangely untraceable. I then started to hear a horribly keen ringing sound. The worst thing I noticed however, was the taste. It was barely noticeable, but it was there on the tip of my tongue. It was a taste that reminded me of a mixture of curry and chili, except that it tasted...wrong.

~There is nothing wrong with the book,Twilight~ I think to myself as I proceed with the book probing.(That I could have stopped at anytime I wanted... Honest!)

The magic spells were masterfully intertwined, making it nearly impossible for me to discern its inner workings, but all the more curious.This must have belonged to Star-Swirled!Only he was skilled enough to do magic this complex! That was when my mental magnifying glass hit a snag in my examination. (Well, not a snag per say, more of a running muzzle first into a brick wall...) The magic spells covering most of the book abruptly stopped around the spine.

I felt my blood run cold as I gazed upon the spine of the book with physical eyes. It's mysteriousness cruelly taunting me to delve deeper into it's secrets. The temptation was to much for me as I reached for the chimi-cherry-conga thick spine, the power source of the enchantments magic. What was it going to be? A phoenix feather?(philomeno's perhaps?)Maybe a strand of hair from one of the princesses manes... Or will it be something a tad morbid, like a vial of Chimera venom?

It would be easy to unravel the spine using magic, but that may contaminate the spell. (The last thing I need is a magic book that, instead of making your brain smarter, makes your brain squirt out your ears via telekinesis) So I had to resort to using Rarity's latest gift to me, three heavy-duty gem-incrusted tweezers.

~ You shouldn't use such an inconsiderate gift, Twilight~

Ignoring that strange thought I began the dissection of the books spine. The tweezers were surprisingly effective in peeling the spines covering, but it was still a delicate, time consuming process, much like peeling an onion without crying. I couldn't rush the process without detaching the spine altogether unbinding the books pages, and the mysterious magics placed on them. I manage to remove the cover of the spine, only to encounter a curious object wrapped in what appeared to be white threads of silk.

One by one I peeled the white layers of the wrapped core, taking a certain grotesque pleasure in my work. As I unraveled it, it's shape became more apparent. It's silhouette looked like a short, stubby cone, and after prodding it, I decided that it wasn't alive (I can be so paranoid sometimes!) and continued my unwrapping. At last I heard the telltale tapping when my tweezers struck the exposed core. I was still confused to what it was however, the only detail I could notice about it so far was that it's color was a grim shade of lavender.

~ There you have it, Twilight, it's just a simple stone cone.
Then how would it be the source of the spells on the book?~

After a confusing conversation with myself (Is this book making me crazy?) I finish adjusting the remaining strands to get a better look at the strange core. I still had no idea what it was.Not a single one... Was I simply refusing to comprehend the object before me? I wouldn't accept this for an answer, so I decided to examine the one sensory detail that I couldn't get with tweezers... Taste.

I thrust my muzzle into the spine, momentarily noticing that the threads that were once wound around the cone smelled like stale grass. I hesitate, but only for a moment as I give the weird cone a quick poke with my tongue. The taste is familiar, a tangy, tingling sensation on the tip of my tongue, reminding me of pinkie pies hoof-buzzer. Reminding me of my first coltfriend,(Well more like a "friend friend", But I digress!) a Noblepony that went by the name of Sunner Dayset.

He was another unicorn that I met when I was a filly in Cantorlot, before I had even seen princess Celestia and became inspired to learn as much as I could about magic! He had golden hued mane, his coat was a deep indigo, and his eyes were a dull gray. He had this annoying habit of tackling other unicorns to lick their horns.(Yuck!) He used to do it all the time, that is, until I gave him a taste of his own medicine and bit his horn. It tasted... It tasted just like the mysterious cone!

The strange texture and smell makes sense now! It all makes horrible sense! This princess forsaken tome isn't made of paper! It's made of UNICORN! Why hadn't I realized it sooner? It was so obvious! The sight of the blood red ink, the gruesome binding, and the hair that wrapped around the horn that formed the core of this abomination of a book burrowed into my mind.

~Don't scream, Don't scream, Don't scream-~
~It's alright, you are a big filly, You can handle this,Clover~

Spike heard a deafening scream come from the library. He knew that Twilight was excited, but he hadn't expected her to scream that loud. He gave out a nervous chuckle, which abruptly turned into a horrified gasp as he realized that he was late for rarity's scheduled diamond hunt. Spike couldn't bare to see the mortified look of rarity upon finding out that he was late!(even if it was the most beautiful thing ever) He made a mad dash for the carousal boutique, sure that twilight won't be needing him for a good while.

De Author:And there you have it, The first chapter for my first fic!

LoL I traumatized twilight! What will she do? Who in the $#@! is Ryze Dayborn?

Why did the author leave you on a cliffhanger??? (To watch you squirm of course!)

P.S: I shall edit this for any mistakes made

Waiting with Fiends

Running down the hallways uttering a stream of profanity there was only one thought on my mind.
~Is today the day? The day that I die?~

This was a thought that ran through my mind a lot recently, since today is the second anniversary of me becoming the Dusk's personal Grim-Wizard. The one responsible dealing with the dukes problems with grim efficiency. (The one's that he can't be bothered to fix himself, like the gnarled apathetic lord he was.) I am best at what I do, but what I do isn't very nice. Makes me thankful that the demon freeloading in my brain prevents me from dreaming.

The day I became a Grim-Wizard was ,coincidentally , the first time I met them. The ones that I can mostly count on to help fix Dusk's more...Impractical problems. The problems that couldn't be solved from reading a book,crushing a coup, or digging up dirt on an upstart noble or two (And there is a lot of dirt to find) There are some problems that you just can't handle by yourself!

Together we managed to pull off some incredible, crazy feats of insanity in the name of "The Greater Good".
Our most notable achievement to date was the time that we re-sealed an elder god inside a plastic bottle.(Which was quickly thrown into Morgana's Trench, the blasted bog of ill will.(What an stupidly long name...))The abomination had almost driven us to kill each other, Until Duke Dusk showed me that it was within his power to repeatedly kill us and raise us from the dead just to kill us again for letting a meager sho'goth make us crazy... (That had certainly gotten our act together!)

That doesn't make us friends. No, at the best we are colleagues. At worst, Rivals. I may not have to worry about a knife in my back when we are all together, But I resolved never to be around them individually... Especially after what happened to Gertrude. Sure she was loathsome, brash, and quite arrogant, sure she was on The List, and that I would have killed her eventually... But did they have to mutilate the body like that? I am not sure who killed her and how, But I am quite sure that I don't need to know.

~How does someone even do that with a chicken?!?~
I think to myself, reminiscing at the few mental pictures that I failed to repress.

I reach the next leg of my journey, the Lobby Door. Like most of the doors inside the castle it was locked. However, the lock on this particular door is actually a cruel prank played by Dusk. The ornate squid statues flanking the door were actually the enchanted Rape-Golems of the Teemo'Las Grove. They were magical creatures that delighted in asking stupid questions until they are answered wrongly. When that happens (And trust me,it always happens...Always), they violate whatever made the last response to their question in the worst possible ways. I saw the very soul of a foolish clergyman being perforated by a phallic tentacles.And they are growing more efficient in warping my sanity with their deviancy My mind still refuses to comprehend what they did last time.

All that I could gleam from reading books about them was that the golems Imprint the personality and intelligence of the first sentient creature that touches them Into their source-gems, which they use to communicate vocally. After that all I could find on them various "techniques" they used to... Ensnare their prey.

I hope against hope that they are inactive as I sneak up to the door, gingerly tapping it in an attempt to open it. I hear a thick voice that reverberated through the corridors, sounding like stone being grind underwater. Quack!

"Where do yah think your going... Boyo?" asked the leftward statue, with an accent that sounds like it comes from the mountain dwellers in the WuKong Hills.

"Yah boy, Where de'yah th'nk yer goin'?" said the right statue, which had a accent that could only come from the outskirts of one of the many backwater towns of Nashyorn.(Hue-montville perhaps?)

"Uh... Quack?" I yelped meekly.

"Such a silly nanny! Thinking that we wouldn't see through yah space duck ruse a third time!" The left statue let out a guttural guffaw.

"He shure is hoss, e' sho' is!"

I considered just making a run for it...But saner heads prevailed. Wouldn't they just love to chase me and pin me against a wall and teach me the true meaning of so-. I do, however, back step a bit so they don't surround me.

~This isn't helping! Think stupid! Think!~ I scream inside my head, trying to ignore the horrifying predictions of my near future. I stare at my feet to avoid making eye contact with the statues... Even if they don't have eyes I still don't want to do anything that may provoke them.

"Shud we start rapin 'm now Hoss?"

"Don't be daft Laddy, we gots ta ask him questions befer we rape him!"

"Oh! I guts a gud one! Wut numba am I thinkin of?"

"Uh... Quack?"

"Aww shoot!He guessed it!"

Yer such an idjit Laddy... Okay boyo, What be the air-speed of a fully laden swallow?"

~...Quack?~ My mind goes blank...Like it just flipped off when it attempted to process such a random question.
My only hope now is... Fuck me!!! (What a poor choice of words.)

"Er, um, uh... What color is it?" I ask.

"Wut?"

"The swallow... What color is it? Blue? Red? Is the swallow pink? Oh oh! I bet its a purpley orange color..."{and on and on I went in an attempt to kill myself through asphyxiation so I won't go through whatever they are about to put me through until the left statue snapped}

"How the bloody hell should I know you bloody daft git! I ought just start fu- What in the bloody hells of babylon are ye d-Mrmpf!"

I take my gaze off a particularly interesting puddle of Duke knows what to see-
BunniesfrolickinginahappymeadowsuchcutebunniesohmyduketheyaresoadorableIjustwanttohugemandhugemandnotthinknotthinknotthinkaboutwhatIamreallyseeingwhichisobviouslyjusttwoadorablebunniesandnothingelsenothingelsenothingelse the door completely unguarded by the statues. I make my cautious steps toward the door, hearing the-
Thesteadyrollingofawagonwheelonapavedstreetohmyitssorelaxingsoveryrelaxingicanjustfeelmysanxietyslippingawayyepiamsaneiamsaneiamsaneiamsane I take a quick peek at the-
ClownsthosesillyclownswhatareyouclownsdoingwiththosehoseshahahahwhydoyouhavesomuchcerealcomingoutthehosesclownsohyougotsomecerealonmeclownshahahahayousosillyclownssosillysosillysosillysosillyIamcoveredincerealnowyousillysillysillysillysilly

I shake the sugarycereal out of my hair and open wide the lobby door and see 9 pairs of eyes gazing at me from the walls in the dimly lit room. I am completely indifferent to their stares. They are just jealous of the deliciousdeliciouscereal all over me. A familiar pair of pink eyes looks at me, brimming with madness. A solitary gray eye stares with barely restrained wraith at the owner of the pink eyes.

"Why in dukes name do I even bother betting against you?" Said a shrill voice in a harsh tone.

"Because you always take a challange Nike, ALWAYS! Now, Pony up that guoji!" a bit-to-giddy voice from the pink eyes barked at the gray eyeball.The voice then laughed at what was probably an inside joke it was having with it's no doubt numerous personalities.

"Whatever, heres your stupid Guoji Annie." I hear a light clanging from what I assume was Nike throwing his Guoji on the floor in front of Annie. "How did you know that Ryze was going wind up covered in-~deliciouswholesomenuttycereal~-?"

"I thought yah knew better then tah question it Nike, she is as wyrd as they come." A pair of green eyes said rather bluntly.

"Aw stuff it Samire! I suppose you have something to say Pellus..." The gray eye shifted it's stare toward to one of the pairs of blue eyes sitting in the corner.

The owner of the smaller of the pair of eyes glared at the grey eyeball with a condescending so apparent that I didn't even need to the owners face to know that she had a look of utter revulsion on it. Pellus gave a snobby hmpf as she said," Don't include me in your silly conversations pest! Do you know who I am?"

"I know this... Your ummmm... your a...err... Social rogue?" said a soft, deep voice which came from the larger pair of blue eyes.

"No Guy..." Pellus said calmly talking as one would to a child," I am a NobleWoman."

"More like a noble pain in my ass." Samire said with a snort.

My eyes finally adjust to the darkness. The first thing I see clearly is the hulking form of Gaius Simplar. One of the many peculiar people that made up my group. He is the kindest soul I have ever met. He is also the one that scares me most. The only reason that no one takes advantage of him is due to his intimidating visage... The man is is covered in scars!(still don't know where he gets them, but he winds up with hundreds of new nicks and cuts every time I see him... Does he give loving hugs to rabid animals or something?) While he may appear to be a docile red-headed simpleton, I just know that he is hiding A complete Savage under all that goodwill... I mean, no matter how dumb you are there is no way you could last on your own with that kind of attitude without having a dark side!

My eyes stray to the other owner of pair of blue eyes. The noble madam Belldam Pellus von Who-Gives-A-Rat's-Ass. The only thing she cared about was status and how people saw her... We didn't necessarily count as people in her eyes. But for a snooty blonde noble she is possibly the most generous, since she offers her valuable skills free of charge(unless patience is a new form of currency, Then she would be a greedy witch) If I had to describe her in one word I would say that she was... Umm...

"The word your looking for is Fru-Fru Ryze"

I turn to see a crazed albino staring at into my very soul. It was Annie Twisted, our token wyrd-o. Her flat white hair looked like it was plastered on her scalp. As far as Wyrds go she is the craziest, but she is also one of the less... Oh-God-my-eyes-killmenow-the-end-is-nigh-the-end-is-nigh! kind of Wyrd while still having the power to "look past the veil of sanity into the maw of pure knowledge." Or something like that.

" You are a freak of nature Annie." cried Nike.

Nike is the one responsible for transport in and out of sticky situations. She has been in the employ of the past 5 Grim-wizard, and it certainly shows. I don't think their isn't a part of her thats hers anymore, all she is a patchwork of different body parts.Personally, I think she is just too proud to die.

"Well Mr.Grim-Wizard Do yah think yer ready to see the duke looking like that?" Samire said with a sharp grunt.

Samire is a hard man forged by years of hard-labor in the bloodmines of Nox'alol. You can tell from the weathered look on his face and the raggedy heap of brown on his head that he isn't the type of man to trifle with subtle details in life. He is as honest as they come, since he is actual unable to tell a lie due to a mining accident. This makes conversation with him blunt, at best. The perk of this, However, is that he knows when people are lying. (Like that helps much... When are people not lying? The only reason I keep him on the team is that his honesty is... Refreshing.)

"I suppose I should clean this cereal off me..." I admit.

"That's not cereal... It's- ~Deliciouswholesomeoatmeal~

I look at the "book" with a mixture of revulsion and terrified curiosity. The foreign thought in my head keeps repeating itself over and over again slowly growing louder and louder.

~It's alright, you are a big filly, you can handle this, Clover.~ The voice in my head sounded old and wizened.

I then realize that I am still screaming.

I have no idea what to do. I think I am on the verge of losing my mind! I... I can never let the knowledge of what this book, this abomination really is see the light of day!

But how?

I finally stop screaming. Instead, I start to feel alone.

Oh how I wish that my friends were here with me, but they aren't... Fluttershy isn't here to comfort me, she is probably counting kittens or something like that. Rainbow dash wasn't going to swoop in to stand up for me against this horrible book (could she even if she was here?). Applejack wasn't going to buck my flank into gear by saying,"It's justa book twilight! Yah haven't even read it yet!" Pinkie pie will not pop up behind me to offer a crazy solution to this horrible problem(again!). Rarity won't be here to... Um... Be Rarity?

I was completely alone with this horrible horrible book, this horrible voice in my head, and this unbelievably shitty author!

That was when I heard a new voice in my head... I barely noticed it, but it was there.

~Why don't cha burn it?~

I gasp at such an insane thought. Why would I ever, EVER, burn a-

~ Everything is going to be fine,Clover~

"Fire it is!" I say with an eerie calmness as I engulf star-swirls insane death book.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA" I begin laughing a little to enthusiastically as the magical fires scorch the book and possibly wood flooring, but atleast I got rid o th-

A fiery vortex surrounds the book, dissipating the flames and revealing an unscathed book and leaving a tangible, grim magic in the air.

I stare at the book which has left me so flustered with my mouth agap.

"Muffin?" Came a voice behind me.

And that's my second chapter bronyfolk! Don't expect a schedule for my writings because their won't be... The chapters will be done when they are done!

Pastries: Devilishly simple

"I said, would you like a muffin?" Repeated the ancient and wizened voice of Duke Dusk. He did not look pleased... Not that he is ever pleased, but right now he looked more not pleased then usual.

~please don't take what ever happened out on me. Pleeeease don't.~ I quietly beg in my mind

"Nothing has made me upset recently Ryze..." He said leaning forward revealing his familiar (yet strangely different) face from the shadows cast over him by his gem-encrusted throne.

I was only slightly unsettled by the dukes invasion of my mind,"Oh that is just great my lord! Well if you don't need me I will go back to my st-"

"Oh no... Please, join me for tea Ryze. After all, you never know when the next time you get the chance to have a nice cup of tea."

I give a totally-not-forced-grin as I say," Why of course I'll join you for tea my lord! Who wouldn't?"
~Duke Dusk is the best! Duke Dusk is the beacon we all strive for! Duke Dusk! Duke Dusk! I am the circle! I AM THE CIRCLE!~ I think as loud as I can to drown out the horrible thoughts of my near future.( Which most likely involves h- ~DELICIOUSCEREAL~)

The tea was bland and bitter, but you would never see me complain about it... Atleast not in front of the Duke.
I have no idea what is going through his sick mind, but I know it can't be good. I have only one tactic to resort to... The scapegoat

"Do you remember that mishap with the 6 headed basilisk? Well..." I slurp my tea. "Entirely Annie's fault, I knew I shouldn't have trusted her with that gemstone, but she was so...Persuasive! And don't get me started on Nike's anti-"

"Enough, This isn't a business meeting Ryze..." Dusk said with a low chuckle. "This is simply a reward for doing such a good job!"

"Oh thank you my lord! Nashyorn is truly blessed to have such a benevolent leader!" I grovel, using all my will power to stop my hand from shaking in relief.

"In fact I don't think I will require the services of a Grim-Wizard for awhile...Not for a year at least!" He announced looking at me small smile, as if to say," I think we both know where this is going."

~........Horseapples.~ My terror stricken brain thought.

"I am so sorry Derpy, but I don't have any muffins... Perhaps if you come by at a later ti-"

"Are you okay twilight? You look a little... Peeved. Is it that time of the week again?" Derpy looked at me suspiciously, and rightly so! I was kinda out off my mind when I couldn't find any friendship lesson worthy problems after all.

"I'm...I'm fine derpy... I just have to deal with this awful book that I just can't get rid of!" I shout.

"okay... Why don't you just let me return it to the book to who sent it? I was the one who delivered it here after all."

" I can't just return it to sender derpy... I have to...I -" A Brilliant Idea came to me in a flash of inspiration. I grinned as I nudge Derpy out of the library.

"what are yo-"

"Oh look at the time! I have to go... Wash my tail? Yes! Wash my tail!" I say giving a nervous smile after I push her out the door.

"Bu-But muffins...." Derpy gives me a pleading look just before I shut the door.

Now was the time for some Reverse-Thaumaequrgy.

Magic in Equestria comes in many different strains, or...Flavors if you will. There are obvious forms to be sure, such as unicorn magic, but there are more subtle magics that are harder to identify. If you have enough talent in magic you can see most magic if you try hard enough. However, if you want to look deeper in magic you need knowledge of thaumaequrgy.

Thaumaequrgy was the knowledge of the use of Spell-sight. Spell-sight allows you look inside the inside a flavor of a type of magic so that you can understand it better. Usually it is used to observe the quality and function of enchanted items or to determine if somepony is cheating through magical means. The process of unraveling this kind of magic is a long ridiculous drawn-out process at the best of times. Which is quite rare, and when it does goes wrong, whatever is enchanted will always be destroyed, other then that... Literally anything else can happen.

~should I do thi-

Everything is going to be fine, Clover.~

"Everything is going to be fine!" I say as I prepare the ritual.

I figured I had 3 options. Option one: Assume fetal position, go to happy place. Option two: Tell the "great" Duke Dusk to partake in an anatomically impossible action involving where stick his face and zap him in the face with some Grim-Wizard magic. Option three: Throw myself out the window behind the dukes throne and hope for a swift death... Who am I kidding! Option three it is!

"Is that a space duck my lord?!" I shout point at the ceiling.

I make a mad dash for that gaudy piece of trash that tyrant calls a throne. I crash through the stained glass ecstatic to see ground rush to meet me head on, much like myself toward Charlotta, The towns resident whore. (Don't you judge me!)

The plunge was remarkably short however, as I began to un-plunge and un-crash through the stained glass window. One of the many things I didn't know about the Duke was that he had temporal powers.

"drol ym kcud ecaps a that sI!?" I un-shout as I resume my seat, the expression on my face completely at odds with the feelings I would be having if the Duke's power had not effect my emotions as well as speech.

"Oh Ryze... Now what should I do with you?"Dusk said with a trace of whimsy," Give your hair sentience and the ability to strangle you perhaps? It's quite obvious how badly you abuse it." (Oh what a low blow! So what if I don't really have a choice of going to a barber to get a haircut due to my status of being a Grim-wizard and know too many mirror demons to be able to stare at my mirror long enough to give myself decent cut?)

"Why not go with a classic?" Dusk says to him-self as he waves his hand towards me just as I unslurp my tea.(which was just as bland coming out as it was going in.)

"Are you sure you sure you don't want a muffin Ryze?" He asked me.

"You and your muffin can just go fu-" Before I could finish my last words in nashyorn Dusk waved his hand and then I just... wasn't.

And then I was.