Written by Telly Vision

You know those days when weird shit just happens? This was one of those days.

The Courier awoke to the sound of clinging metal and the smell of plants. He slowly opened his eyes only to be met with the harsh rays of the sun.  After a few moments of blinking, he was met with the sight of a large statue garden, oh and he was surrounded by about 50 mutant horse things in what appeared to be Legion armor.

“Well, I can tell this isn’t your typical run of the mill wasteland, look at this, you’ve got grass and everything.” The courier looked around and saw ponies, along with their attire and surroundings.

“Oh isn’t that cute, someone thought it would be cute to dress a pony up like a Legionnaire.”

The courier looked through his things to find he had only his Mark II stealth suit he got from Big Mountain, a few Nuka Colas, two stimpacks and a stick of dynamite.

“Well that’s just great; no food. Hey little guys, can you take me to your owner, I could really use some food and water.”

“We are not little guys,” replied a unicorn in silver armor. “Also we have no owner, we are free ponies of Equestria!”

“Whoa, you can talk!” the courier gasped.

“By order of the princess, you are to be placed under arrest for trespassing. Please state your name, occupation and spices. Failure to cooperate will result in force.” said a Pegasus with gold armor.

“I really shouldn’t have chosen that Wild Wasteland trait, the shit I see just gets weirder and weirder.” Said the courier, taking a good look at his surroundings.

The Pegasus replied with an angry tone.” You will answer the questions, or face serious punishments!”

“God, I’m here for five minutes and already I’ve got someone chewing my head off.” He cursed under his breath. “Anyway you can call me Steve N. StealBurg, funny name now that I think of it. I borrowed it from a pre-war holo-tape director. I am human, and I was a courier for the Mojave Express, but a strange turn of events made me leader of the free New Vegas.”

“My name is First LT. Raining Fire, you have exactly five minutes to explain how you got here before I order my troops to attack.”

“Now come on we can talk about this.” Steve N. reasoned as he tried to back away, only to get cornered in between a hedge and a statue of a weird mixed-matched creature.

“Troops raise your weapons, ready.” Called out the LT. as his troops raised their swords and some unicorns began charging their horns.

“We can be civil about this, what do you say, I have some ice-cold Nuka Cola in my bag!  Why don’t we better acquaint ourselves over a drink?” He stammered, searching his bag for the drinks.

“You will come quietly; you are outnumbered and we possess the most superior weapons in Equestria.” He replied.

“Come now, you have basic swords!  Even the weakest raider could beat you.”

“These are such big words from a creature that backs away into a corner and pleas for mercy.”

“LT., are you sure you want to fight me? I am trained to fight Deathclaws using only boxing gloves. I entered the Second Battle for Hoover Dam with spiked knuckles, where I defeated both Caesar’s legion and the NCR. I have bionic implants that make me faster, stronger and smarter than the average man. Do you really think I can’t take on a few mutant horses armed with nothing but tin swords using only my bare hands?”  Steve N. got into a fighting stance clenching his fists to ready them for an attack.

“Troops, Attack!”

Steve N. jumped forward, punching the closest pony in the face with one hand, while dodging the flame spell of another. He jumped from pony to pony, dodging fire and lightning spells, causing some of them to have a few friendly fire accidents.

He reared back his fist, activating VATS and hitting a pony with the paralyzing palm strike, knocking him out. The LT. and his unicorn Sergeant were in the back of the battle leading their troops when a thought occurred to the lower-ranked officer..

“Sir, is it really a good idea to be fighting this close to the Discord statue?”

“Well, Sergeant, that would be a terrible idea. The princess herself has banned all fighting from occurring near the darn thing. You could be court-martialed for just disagreeing near it. Why do you ask?”

The Sergeant pointed a hoof to the statue with a look of pure terror on his face.

“Oh buck my life.” A rather large crack had appeared on the statue with a dark purple aura escaping from it.

“All troops retreat! Code red, repeat code red!” the pony LT. shouted, waving a frantic hoof.

The remaining troops looked at each other, noticed the statue’s condition, and fled with shouts of terror.

“Come on!” shouted Steve N. on a pile of unconscious ponies.  “Running away so soon?  I’m just getting started!”

“You fool, can’t you see your insistent fighting has released chaos upon us?!”

“Hey I didn’t start it, if anything you attacked me. I don’t even remember how I got here, let alone how I brought ‘chaos’ to your land.” Replied Steve N.

“I’ve had enough out of you!  Sergeant, hit him with a fire spell, I’ll hold him down!”

The LT. tackled Steve N. to the ground and held him in a tight grip with his wings.  “Fire when ready,” he called.

“But sir,” the Sergeant replied, “what if I hit you too?”

“Take that risk Sergeant, for the fate of Equestria!”

The subordinate released his spell, sending a fireball toward the struggling pair.

“I don’t know what I did, but I’m pretty sure it’s not worth getting yourself killed!” Steve N. groaned, pushing the pony off of him.  He pulled out his stick of dynamite and lit it with the same fireball that they had barely dodged.  He chucked it at the now black hole-like crack on the weird statue.

In a slow motion explosion, Steve N. StealBurg walked away from the now scattered rubble of what used to be Discord, with the LT. on his back.  Steve N. walked up to the Sergeant and placed him on the ground.

“Here, this is a stimpack.  Inject him with this and it will cure his wounds.”  The human said as he handed a stim to the unicorn, injecting himself with the other one.

Almost instantly Steve N. StealBurg’s wounds were cured. He slipped into VATS, performing another paralyzing palm strike on the conscious pony, making him pass out.

“Sorry about that, but it had to be done.”

With that the courier left the garden. What was left of the troops had either run away, were passed out, or simply let him pass. Just like the creatures of the Great Divide, they dared not mess with him. He slowly left the garden, walking into the orange sunset laid before them.

When the LT. finally came to, it was said he started a legend. The legend of Steve N. StealBurg, the Courier from New Vegas who could defeat an entire platoon of Celestia’s finest using only his bare hands...