Author’s Note: Alright, I said I’m going to get two chapters out this week, and by god, I WILL. You know. Probably. Anyways, technically I think you’re supposed to do Bat’s Tower and then Sloprano, but I always did Sloprano first, so that’s what we’re going with.

CHAPTER 4

Having returned to Windy central, Days ventured to the right of the wooden hollow, rather reluctantly towards the poop-covered zone. However, as soon as he passed under the brown archway, the foulest stench imaginable filled his lungs. The scent was so incredibly thick, that no oxygen could find its way in. Days began to panic inside his head, since speaking was clearly out of the question at the moment.

Oh dear Celestia. I’m gonna die, I’m gonna die, I’m gonna-

Suddenly, a thick material completely covered Days’ face from behind, his vision becoming clouded by small eyepieces.

“AH! THING! ON MY FACE! GET IT OFF!” He screamed. He then realized that he was screaming and, by extension, breathing normally. Days cautiously ran his hooves over his covered face and realized that he had been fitted with a gas mask. Looking behind himself, he saw Pinkie Pie, fitted with a similar gas mask, giving him a happy look. (Or at least he assumed she was giving him a happy look, what with the mask and all. There aren’t a lot of other looks Pinkie Pie can give somepony.)

“Oh. Thanks… Pinkie.” Days said, his voice muffled by the filter. She gave a happy nod.

“No problem! You can keep that if you like!” Pinkie replied. Before Days could respond, she turned around, exited the poop zone, and disappeared back into the dirt. Days stood in stunned silence as his mind tried to catch up, before deciding to forgo the process and just move on.

To his left, there stood a large spiral mountain, the contents of which should be rather obvious. Flying around it were more of the Dung Beetles Days had met earlier, some shooting him dirty looks but otherwise remaining indifferent to his presence. In front of him was a small hut with a lantern hanging next to the door. Seeing that the poop caked ground receded in favor of a small stone pathway in front of the hut, Days decided that any opportunity to not be standing in fecal matter was one best taken, and made a break for the hut’s front door.

SOMEPONY’S GOING TO NEED A BATH AFTER THIS ONE…

Meanwhile, up in the Blueblood estate, the Prince himself paced anxiously around his throne, eager for the Professor to return with a solution.

“He better hurry up…” The Prince groaned. He shot a passing glance to his guards, who were both staring at him.

“What are you looking at?!” He sneered.

“N-nothing, sire.” The taller guard reassured. The Prince sat down on his throne.

“Good…!” The Prince held a hoof up to his ear.

“Aahh, I think I can hear him.” True to the Prince’s words, the excited shouts of the Professor could be heard nearby.
The Professor’s floating chair burst in flying up to the center of the room.

“Eureka! Eureka! I’ve found it, I’ve found it! Ja, ja, eureka!” The Professor composed himself and gave a small bow.

“Ah, my lord. Ha ha, you’ll never guess what? I zink I have found ze problem.” The Prince gave a small motion with his hoof for the Professor to continue. The Professor levitated his blueprint easel next to him and extended his pointing stick.

“Now, ve have here, if you look… ze table.” He motioned to the drawing of the table.

“If you analyze ze table closely, as I have done most particularly, you vill see, zat zere is a gap!” The Professor turned his chair to face the Prince. “And ve’re not talking any old gap here, my lord. It is a sizeable one.” He turned his chair back to the easel.

“Now, mirror goes here,” he said, motioning to the drawing of the mirror, “Vat happens? Ve have ze fulcrum here, ze mirror here,” he turned to the Prince once again, “Veight problem, not good. Mirror falls off because of a gap. Ja, zat is vat is ze problem… ze gap!” the Professor finally finished, retracting his pointing stick. The Prince rubbed his chin in thought.

“Hmmm, I think I see. And the solution?” He asked, motioning for the Professor to continue again.

“Ah, now zis is where it gets complicated. I was mulling over vat would fit in ze gap. I tried many zings.” As the Professor rattled off a quick list of the things he tried, the two nearby guards had both fallen asleep.

“But! Ze one thing, and I vas sure of it at ze time, I vas sure it vas a pony. And sure enough, it vas.” The Prince held up his hoof to stop the Professor.

“Say no more, Professor. I shall call for a peasant pony to fill this gap immediately.” The Professor shook his head.

“Apologies, my lord, but it is not zat simple. Ve need a very, very, VERY particular pony in order to fill zis gap exactly.” The Professor motioned to a drawing of a pony near the bottom of the easel.

“It needs to be a unicorn stallion, with a short black mane, red fur, and a cutie mark of three z’s.”

“Why does his fur and cutie mark matter?” The Prince asked.

“Vell, you vant your table to be aesthetically pleasing, do you not, my lord?” The Professor asked back. The Prince gave an enthusiastic nod.

“But, of course! What kind of Canterlot noble has no sense of style? So, we find this pony. And then…?”

“Zen, my liege, we put him here.” The Professor pointed to the gap in the Prince’s table.

“You no break your mirror, ve don’t get duct tape.” The Prince gave a small nod and turned to his snoozing guards.

“Gentlecolts.” The two guards snapped to attention.

“Yes, my liege?” The taller one asked.

“Get me this red pony. Search wherever you can.”

“Yes, my liege.” The tall guard replied with a bow.

I WOULDN’T THINK RED WOULD GO WELL WITH BROWN, BUT I’M NOT AN INTERIOR DECORATOR, SO WHATEVER…

Although the smell of poo was much tamer inside the wooden hut, Days decided to just leave his gas mask on; since he had a feeling he’d need it later. The hut itself was rather sparse, with only a Dung Beetle sitting behind a desk with a glowing lamp on it, and a large trap door in the corner.

“Hey, alright there. How ya doing?” The Beetle greeted, surprisingly pleasant in its demeanor.

“Yeah, hi. How are ya.” Days returned the greeting.

“Would you like to come in now? Yeah, sit down. Wa d’ya want?” The Beetle asked. Days trotted into the center of the room.

“How the hay do you guys stand this smell?”

“Ah, well, yeah, we’re like fucking dung beetles. And we roll the poo around, fuck knows what for.”

“That’s… interesting. So, listen, I-” Days began, but was quickly cut off.

“Do you want some poo?” The Beetle offered.

“I-I, I don’t… what would I do with crap?” Days stammered, trying to think of any logical reason he would want some brown stuff.

“Hey, get your fucking arse in there,” The Beetle instructed, suddenly dropping its pleasant demeanor, “there’s these fucking cows. Get ‘em in there, get ‘em to crap, and I’ll make you a ball of poo. And you can do what the hell you like with it.” The Beetle gave a dismissive motion with one of its arms.

“Go on, on your bike. Are you still here? Fuck off!” Days, as was becoming the norm for him, was dumbfounded, but decided against arguing with the giant mutant dung beetle and leapt down the nearby trap door, landing in, what else, more poo.

So that’s what it’s like to be on the receiving end of a one-sided conversation. Food for thought.

At the end of the long hallway was a tall, cylindrical chamber with ropes dangling from wooden poles and another doorway near the top. Feeling brave, Days threw caution to the wind, jumped from his perch to grab the nearest rope, missed completely, and fell into the smelly abyss below.

SPLAT!

After being dropped back on his perch by Death’s hand, Days decided to hold very tightly onto his caution, and pulled the rope over to him with his magic. In a few minutes time, Days climbed to the top and leapt to open passageway, landing safely. After a short trudge up another crap-caked incline, Days entered a small, light filled door at the top.

TIMES LIKE THIS MAKE YOU WONDER WHY THERE ARE SO MANY DIFFERENT NAMES FOR POOP…

In front of Days was something somewhat surprising. Instead of the usual poop-scape, he saw a fairly normal looking farm-like area. Around the perimeter, there were multiple wooden pens, where the sounds of mooing could be heard. To the far left was a large drink dispenser hooked up to a tankard of prune juice, all positioned over a feeding trough on a wooden stand. Finally, in the center was a fair-sized patch of plains and grass, with a large, black bull stomping around it.

“Hey, you!” Days called to the bull, hoping it would be like the polite bovines in Ponyville. The bull turned its head and shot him an extremely dirty look.

“Okay, so, that beetle upstairs told me to come here to get some poo. Something to do with cows or something. Was he talking about you?” In response, the bull took on a fighting stance and began snarling angrily.

“GRR. RED! RED! I DON’T LIKE RED! GRRRR! I HATE RED! GO AWAY!” he drawled, head shaking in rage. Days looked around for the offending red article, his eyes eventually falling to his red fur.

“Hey, pal. I’ll have you know that I’m not red. I’m crimson. Big difference.” Oblivious to Days’ scolding, the bull continued charging around the plain, possibly in an even angrier fashion than before.

Well, angry or not, I apparently need poo, and I need a cow, or at least something close to a cow, to give it to me. As Days calculated his plan, he glanced over at the tankard of prune juice and smirked. And I think I know how to get it.

Jumping over to the small pathway to his left, Days scaled the large tower/drink dispenser, carefully dodging some random rolling poo balls, and ended on the large metal tap on top. With some controlled galloping, he turned the nozzle, and sure enough a large stream of purple dynamite flowed down into the trough. As the demonic drink poured, three release latches marked with bulls-eyes extended from the wooden pens.

Oh. Am I supposed to let those cows I heard out so they can drink this stuff? Well, I just assumed I had to let the bull tire himself out so he’d drink it, but that sounds way faster. Let’s go with that.

After carefully climbing down, Days positioned himself near the three targets and called out to the irate bovine.

“Hey, bull! Think those horns of yours are sharp? They don’t look like they could pop a balloon, much less gore me!” he teased. The bull snorted and charged at Days, who lead him around the edge of the pen as he smacked the three targets.
Three pens opened up and three female cows moseyed out.

“Ah, Mavis, Olive, how are ye this fine day?” The first cow asked the other two.

“Pretty hungry, if I may say, Betsy.” Mavis replied.

“Couldn’t agree with you more, Mavis,” Olive agreed, “what’s say the three of us enjoy a nice patch of grass?” Betsy and Mavis nodded and they all trotted over to a large patch. Days tapped his chin.

Well, they’re out, but they ain’t drinking. Perhaps a little persuasion is in order.

Positioning the cows between himself and the bull, Days began shouting taunts again.

“Why so cranky, bull?! Got some sand where the sun don’t shine?!” Again, the bull snarled and charged, oblivious to the innocent cows in front of him. He struck the first cow, who struck the other two like dominoes, luckily missing with his horns but still shoving them rather hard.

“Goodness! What a ruffian!” Betsy exclaimed.

“Quite right, I do believe I’ve lost my appetite.” Mavis complained.

“Indeed. Let’s go have a drink instead.” Olive suggested. The three cows marched up the wooden stand and stood in a line in front of the trough.

“Oh, my. Looks to be cranberry flavor. Haven’t had that in quite a while, have we girls?” Betsy asked. Mavis and Olive shook their heads and the three of them began to drink. After about a minute, a loud rumbling could be heard from all three of their stomachs, and tiny dribbles of poo began to leak out.

“Oh my!” Betsy shouted.

“Oh dear!” Mavis cried.

“Oh no!” Olive screamed.

“It’s the screaming shits!” All three exclaimed at once. Without missing a beat, all three dashed down the ramp to the center of the pen and sat down on the large grate to relieve themselves.

“Well, this is hardly dignified.” Betsy complained.

“I won’t tell the other cows if you girls won’t.” Mavis pleaded.

“My lips are sealed, dearie.” Olive reassured.

Days watched as they emptied their bowels (which is something he never thought he’d have to do in his life), and when he was sure there was more than enough crap in the hole, decided to put an end to this in the fastest, albeit least ethical way, possible. One last time he positioned the cows between himself and the bull and called out a final insult.

“Hey bull! Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?! ‘Cause I kissed her with this one!”

“GRRRRAAAAAGGHHH!” The bull shouted in pure, unbridled hatred and rage, and charged forward with all of his might. This time, the cows were unfortunate enough to be met with his horns, the force behind them so great that all three exploded into a shower of gore and bones. The bull stopped and panted on top of the grate. A faint snapping noise could be heard from it, and instantly the bull knew he had made a mistake.

“WHY AM I SUCH A FAT BAST-” Before he could finish, the grate gave way, and the bull plummeted into the unknown depths, screaming all the way.

Wish I had a video camera. I could’ve sent that in to “Equestria’s Strangest Bathroom Experiences.” Oh well.

Days took a glance down the hole to check the level of poop, only to slip on a small patch of blood and fall in after the bull.

SO MUCH POOP, SO LITTLE TIME…

Expecting what he was about to land in, Days quickly pulled his gas mask down over his neck and held his breath mid-air. Upon landing in the liquid unpleasantness, Days’ mind went into overdrive, and he paddled with all of his might to a nearby hole in the wall, which dropped him right next to a Pinkie Pad and, unfortunately, above the flooded exit back to the Beetle’s hut. Grunting, Days stood on the pad and called the Author.

“I’m really not in the mood for a conversation right now, so just help me and we can both get on with things.”

Hmmm…

“HEY!”

What? Huh? Sorry, my mind was elsewhere. There were a few things back there that didn’t go according to the script.

“Again with this script thing. Look, when I get a second, you and me are going to sit down and have a little chat about this, but right now I need a way out of here.”

The exit's right there, just swim down. I mean, I get that it’s poop and all, but…

“I… can’t.”

What?

“I don’t know how to swim underwater. I can paddle, that’s about it.”

Pfft, are you serious?

“Just shut up and help me.”

Alright, alright, hang on.

The portal in space opened, but instead of the usual helpful chotchky, Pinkie Pie stuck her head out and grabbed Days’ head with her hooves. Once again, large chunks of knowledge, this time about swimming, were forcefully downloaded into his brain. With a little salute, Pinkie ducked back into the hole and it closed up.

Good?

“I think I just lost my entire memory of kindergarten.”

You’re welcome.

Days dived down into the liquid whatsit, and with his newly acquired swimming expertise, navigated back towards the trap door he first dropped in from. On the way though, he was distracted by the nearby sounds of jingling bits and pleas for grabbing. He surfaced to take a look around, and sure enough, a bag of bits was bouncing around on a nearby ledge.

Days jumped out of the muck and approached the bag, who greeted him in the usual bag of bits fashion.

“Here I am, ya greedy bastard!” it taunted. Days snatched the bag and stored it away.

Good. Maybe I can put this towards the THOUSAND BATHS I’m going to need when this is all over. Aloe and Lotus are going to be retiring early.

Days jumped back into the stuff and swam a little more until he finally popped back out of the trap door. The Beetle was nowhere to be found, so he decided to go check outside.

NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU SCRUB, YOU’LL NEVER BE CLEAN…

As Days quickly cantered outside (taking a moment to re-secure his gas mask), the Beetle flew up to him.

“Yeah, there it is, over there. A big ball of poo.” He motioned to the ball of poo next to the hut.

“Wow. Thank you, SO bucking much.” Days replied dryly.

“You’re welcome to it, mate.” The Beetle flew away, leaving Days with his newly acquired “prize.”

Okay, ball of crap. Now what the flying buck am I supposed to do with this thing?

Days took a glance around for possible uses. At the base of the pooey mountain, there was a large, boarded up entrance. Up at the top, there was another entrance, that presumably connected to the first somehow. Finally, in the middle, there was a particularly large dung beetle snoozing away, blocking the path.

Okay, plan time. Step 1: Get rid of big beetle. Step 2: Roll poo into hole at the top to, hopefully, bust open the hole at the bottom. Step 3: See what’s in there.

Leaving the ball of poo for a moment, Days climbed the path around the mountain until he ended up on a ledge directly above the big beetle. Grabbing a chunk of poo from the mountain wall with his magic, Days tried to remember something he learned in chemistry class back in high school.

If I remember correctly, fecal matter has a high concentration of methane, which can be explosive with the right adjustments. So, just add a little spark…

Days focused his magic at the center of the chunk until he could hear a slight fizzle coming from it.

And bombs away.

He dropped the sizzling poo chunk into the sleeping beetle’s mouth. Just as it woke up, confused, the chunk detonated in his stomach, blowing him to pieces.

Step 1 complete. Now for step 2.

Returning to the hut, Days grabbed the poo ball with his magic and rolled it up the hill, causing it to gather more poo and grow in size. At the top, he was about to shove it into the hole, when he once again heard the tell-tale sound of jingling bits. Using the poo ball as a stepping stone, Days jumped up to the very peak of the mountain to find another sack of bits.

“Hey, where the fuck you been, you ginger bastard?” Ignoring yet another misinterpretation of his color, Days grabbed the sack and stashed it away.

I think this is one mountain climbing experience I won’t be bragging about anytime soon.

Stepping down from the peak, Days grabbed the poo ball and tossed it into the opening. Various clunking and smashing sounds could be heard, before the ball finally burst out of the hole at the base, completely shattering the makeshift barricade.

Step 2, all done. Now let’s go see what’s in there. Hopefully not more evil hay.

Days climbed back down to the base of the mountain and entered the stinky passage.

FILLIES AND GENTLECOLTS, THE MOMENT YOU’VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR…

The poo cavern inside was lit up with various torches (which seems like a bad idea, what with all of the potential explosive gasses), and a poo pathway zigzagged around the center.

As Days entered the cavern, he was suddenly blindsided by a backwards flying dung beetle.

“Ow!” Days shouted, “hey buddy, you don’t have eyes in the back of your head! Try facing forward when you’re flying!” The beetle turned around. There was an extremely panicked look on his face as he attempted to explain himself.

“Eh! Alright there, take my advice and get outta here, there’s something really bad in there! You just don’t want to go in there.” He babbled. Days shook his hooves, trying to calm the insect down.

“Slow down there, dude. Take a deep breath and tell me what’s going on.” The beetle took a breath and sat down on the ground.

“Right, ok, it all started about two days ago. It was me and the lads, we were havin’ a cuppa tea, and next thing we know, Tezza’s gone! We couldn’t find him! We thought ‘ah maybe he’s gone off, you know like, do a bit a shoppin’ or summat.’ He never came back! Bazza was next, he was just walkin’ along, mindin’ his own business. So I stood there and I said ‘Bazza, how’re ya doin’ there, like, mate?’ And he waved over… and that was it! This thing came outta the shite! And I thought to myself, ‘oh no. Oh! I’m getting’ outta heres! So I ‘ad ta hide first. And when I came out, ‘cause I thought it was all clear, the lads had gone! The bastards had nailed me in!” The beetle finished his story with a few pants, then continued talking.
“I’m outta here, you can do what you like. There’s some money up there,” he pointed to the clear glass at the back of the cavern, “if you can be arsed to get it. Seeya’s.” He gave a short wave and flew out of the cavern the way Days had come in.

Well, I’m not a fan of monsters living in poo, but on the other hoof, cash.

Days trotted down the pathway and saw some animate pieces of sweet corn hopping about.

“Cool, sweet corn. How’s it going?” he greeted. The sweet corn did pretty much nothing. Suddenly, a booming, slightly rhythmic voice erupted from the pool of doody in the center.

“BRRRING ME SOME SWEET CORN!” It demanded. Days looked around for the source of the voice.

“Hello? Anypony there? I really don’t need any more disembodied voices in my life right now!” He gave a quick shrug and started gathering sweet corn, in the same fashion as the cheese before it. As he did, various strange poo-related happenings, such as poo from the ceiling or a giant poo hand attempting to slap him, tried to impede his progress, but he paid them no mind and continued chucking the screaming sweet corn into the pool.

When he tossed the last piece in, he looked over the edge to see what had happened to it. As he did, a loud rumbling, akin to sewage pipes overflowing, shook the cavern.

“Uh oh.”

Somewhere in the cavern, a loud score of orchestral music began to play. Slowly, a large mound of feces with eyes and a mouth rose from the pool, clutching the crying sweet corn between its fingers. When it reached the top of its ascension, it jammed the sweet corn into its mouth, turning it into a makeshift yellow tooth. The creature cleared it’s throat, checked its voice with a “mi mi mi mi mi”, and began to sing.

(Everypony sing along, now!)

I~ AM!

THE GRRREAT MIGHTY POO,

AND I’M GOING TO THROW MY SHIT AT YOU!

A HUGE SUPPLY OF TISH,

COME FROM MY CHOCOLATE STARFISH,

HOW ABOUT SOME SCAT YOU LITTLE TWAT?

Before Days could think, scream, vomit, or any other completely understandable action, the large mound of animate poo began ripping chunks off of itself and throwing them at him. Dodging backwards, Days spotted a Pinkie Pad nearby. After dodging another pooey projectile, Days stood on the pad and quickly contacted the Author.

“GIANT TALKING CRAP!”

Already prepared.

The hole in space opened up and a very large roll of two-ply toilet paper, the eternal enemy of poo, fell out. Grabbing it with his magic, Days waited for an opportunity to toss it into the monster’s mouth. Sure enough, one came when the monster paused its ass-tastic assault to let loose a loud, long note.

AAAAAAAAA~

Quickly, Days dunked the TP right down the monster’s throat, causing it to gag and choke. The monster retracted into the pool, then popped up again back in the center to continue its song.

DO YOU REALLY THINK YOU’LL SURVIVE IN HERE?

YOU DON’T SEEM TO KNOW WHICH CRRREAK YOU’RE IN~!

SWEET CORN IS THE ONLY THING THAT MAKES IT THOUGH MY REAR,

HOW DO YOU THINK I KEEP THIS LOVELY GRRRIN?

The monster took a second to show off its sweet corn teeth.

HAVE SOME MORE CAVIAR.

It chucked a particularly large chunk at the Pinkie Pad Days was standing on. Days managed to dodge out of the way, but the pad was completely destroyed. With some more jumping and dodging, Days found another pad down the path.

“Need more TP!”

With pleasure.

Another roll appeared, and again Days brandished it. The monster, despite the fact that it was starting to wise up to Days’ tactics, could not resist the need for musical punctuality, and let out another mouth exposing long note.

AAAAAAAAA~

And for its punctuality, it received another roll of TP in the throat. After coughing it up, it once again returned to the center pool, the tempo of the music rising with its anger.

NOW I’M RRREALLY GETTING RRATHER MAD,

YOU’RE LIKE A NIGGLY TICKLY SHITTY LITTLE TAG NUT.

WHEN I’VE KNOCKED YOU OUT WITH ALL MY BAB,

I’M GOING TO TAKE YOUR HEAD

AND RRAM IT UP MY BUTT!

“Your butt?”

MY BUTT!

“Your butt?”

THAT’S RIGHT, MY BUTT!

“Ugh…”

MY BUTT!

“UGH…!”

MY BUUUUUUUUUTT!

The loud note from the monster cracked the glass in the back of the cavern, but Days had bigger things to worry about. The note had also shaken a loose chunk of crap from the ceiling, which crushed the pad Days had been using. Again, he had to dodge the onslaught of oh-no, and find another pad.

“One more!”

Have fun.

The final roll of the giant TP was dispensed to Days. However, the monster had anticipated this, and began shortening its notes to match the tempo, firing them off in rapid succession while ducking between the various pools of crap around the cavern.

AAAAAA~!

AAAAAA~!

AAAAAA~!

AAAAAAAAA~!

He had held the last one a little bit longer, allowing Days just enough time to cram the roll down his throat. The monster realized that it was losing, and decided it needed to finish Days off with one last bout of musical astonishment. Once again, it returned to the center pool, and let out the longest, loudest note it could.

aaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!

The sheer volume of the monster’s note did absolutely nothing to Days, but it did finally shatter the glass in the back of the cavern, revealing the cash the beetle had mentioned, but more notably, a toilet flushing lever. In his heart, Days knew exactly what needed to be done. With one last bout of acrobatics, he made his way up to the emergency flush, grabbed it with his magic, and pulled it down with all of his psychic might. The ancient pipes obliged his request, as the monster began to sink and spin rapidly.

“AH! YOU CURSED PONY, LOOK WHAT YOU’VE DONE! I’M FLUSHING, I’M FLUSHING! OH, WHAT A WORLD, WHAT A WORLD! WHO’D HAVE THOUGHT A GOOD LITTLE PONY LIKE YOU COULD HAVE DESTROYED MY BEAUTIFUL CLAGGINESS! OH, I’M GOING! AGGHH! NO…!”

The monster finally vanished into the depths, leaving behind only a loud fart as the mysterious music finally ended.
Shaking his head, Days turned to see the money he had earned.

“Here I am, you greedy bastard!” Days stored it away.

I’ll be surprised if I ever set hoof in a bathroom ever again.

Returning to the now empty center pool, Days glanced down and saw that a metal door had opened up near the bottom. Jumping down onto a few platforms, he reached the metal door to explore the unknown depths.

ROUND OF APPLAUSE FOR THE GREAT MIGHTY POO, EVERYPONY…

The room Days found himself in could be described as “part metal, part crap.” The walls and floor were made of a simple grey metal, but they were all caked with feces. The only other way out was a flooded passage in the center. Lacking other options, Days dived down and swam to the other side. What he didn’t expect were several very sharp fan blades spinning around the tunnel, the first of which cleanly bisected him.

SLICE!

Taking special care to avoid the fans this time, Days eventually managed to make it to the other side and emerged from the water surface in a small pipe. At the end was a rope and ladder, both of which Days climbed, finally ending up at the top of a large metal cylinder, free of poo-stained air. He removed the gas mask and breathed easy, keeping it around his neck just in case. Crossing a metal bridge suspended over a pool of lava, Days came to a small rock platform being guarded by Prince Blueblood’s two guards.

“You’ll have to pay the toll.” The taller guard said. Days gave a small grunt.

“A toll? In the Windy territory? I shouldn’t even be here, why are you guys?”

“We don’t make the rules, sir. We just enforce them. Now pay up.”

“Ugh, fine. How much?” Days asked.

“One thousand bits.” The taller guard said. Days checked the funds he had managed to amass. Though he had quite a bit, sadly he still came up short. Days’ face scrunched into a vision of pure rage.

“I, EGH, GRAGH, ARGH..!” He babbled angrily until finally composing himself.

“(SIGH) I’ll be back later…” He hung his head and turned around to return to Windy central to look for some extra cash. As he exited the area via a nearby ledge, the short guard turned to the small guard.

“Say, wasn’t he that pony the prince wanted?” The taller guard shrugged.

“Didn’t get a good look at him. He said he’d be back later, we’ll check then.”

Author’s note: And there we have Sloprano, everyone’s favorite part of Conker. And I will try, try, TRY to get another chapter out sometime this week. I owe it to you guys.

Also, as a side note, Lazy Days has an ask tumblr now! Yeah, I know what you’re thinking; the character’s barely been in anything. Well, I had a tumblr made for following other pony tumblrs, I had a character to use, so I figured “why the hell not?” and here we are. The link’s on my profile page, questions will be answered either in text or with Pony-maker made pictures. (I can’t draw to save my life.)