Prologue

Dankworld
(Pony Edition)
~Prologue: A Forest and The Stars~

Thank you for buying this copy of Dankworld! Through your adventures in the land of Equestria, you will experience LOVE, ADVENTURE, and FULFILLMENT. You will, on the other hand, experience DECEIT, HATRED, and WAR. It is also possible that you will find LUST, or PLEASURE or perhaps a great deal of SORROW.
But it is also possible you will experience none of these things.
The story is your own, and your life is your own.
You are to live your life as you would most want to, but you must also bound over the challenges hurled at you, or at least pass them without fucking up yourself or those around you.
Or, do not do that.
It's really your call.
But before you enter the world of the ponies, we must know...
Are you a MALE or a FEMALE?
Male
Please enter commands using the > key.
>Male
So you're a male then, a fine choice.
Now, are you an EARTH PONY, a PEGASUS, or a UNICORN?
>Unicorn
So you have decided on a MALE UNICORN, have you? Well, we don't judge.
Now then, what is your name?
>Token DePype
Hah, clever, aren't you? And you're sure this is what you want your name to be?
>No
Well, stop wasting our time and pick a different name!
>Doctor Whooves.
We can end this session whenever we like, don't tempt us. Pick a different name.
>Joint Puffington
Hah, clever, aren't you? And you're sure this is what you want your name to be?
>No
Well, we'll give you one more chance. Now please enter your name.
>Spencer
Then it is decided: You are a MALE UNICORN who is called SPENCER.
Keep in mind, you may achieve this form with haste, but you may also... not.
Again, it is what you make of it. This cannot be stressed enough.
Are you satisfied with these choices?
>Sure, I don't see why not.
Well okay then! You are about to leave no apple unbucked and transcend to the realm of the ponies.
Put on your headphones, turn off the lights, and check the medicine cabinet.
For it is sure to be a bumpy ride.
* * *
You awaken, outstretched on your back on some dirt clumps with the uncomfortable feeling of pinecones beneath your back. The air around you is that of a cool summer night, and the STARS glimmer above with an unusual radiance.
These CONSTELLATIONS look unfamiliar to you, but to be honest you've never really looked towards the sky on the good night and actually viewed them.
Last night was a blur. You remember something about... a CYAN RING, some gaming, and a whole bunch of MARY JANE. The night was a party, and you and your three buddies were having a great time shouting at DRAGONS and sparring with ROBOTS, CHILDREN, and THAT GUY FROM 300. But you have no recollection of entering any forest and then falling asleep there, nor being alone while you did so. What the hell was going on?
>Inspect fingers for cyan ring
Just as amazing as they always were. I mean, think about it... fingers, man.
However, the ring you are certain you placed on your finger last night is missing. Damn shame.
>Recall how the ring looked
The best way to describe would be saying it looked like the ONE RING that Gollum was always obsessing over, but it was... cyan. However, a small latin phrase was inscribed onto it, but you didn't and still don't know what it means. After all, you had just found the RING yesterday...
>Stand up
You get to your feet and brush yourself off. You are all dirty, thanks to your more-or-less dirt nap.
>Check pockets
OH GLORIOUS DAY! You find, in your INVENTORY (which in this point in time are your pockets) a stack of 25 ROLLING PAPERS, 12 grams of a cannabis sativa strain you call “The Chronic of Narnia”, two half used LIGHTERS and your lovely, lovely pipe which you love so very, very much named ANAKLOUSMOS.
You also find a CELL PHONE (with no service) and a generic MP3 player (with no battery). Your gigantic and bass-fantastic headphones are nowhere to be seen.
And a wallet, filled with 33 DOLLARS and your ID.
>Check inventory
We just went over this.
>Check equipment
You have on a HUMOROUS SHIRT, a PLAIN SWEATSHIRT, a pair of JEANS, some BLACK SOCKS, and some RUNNING SHOES, even though you walk in them and seldom do any form of fast movement.
>Inspect shirt
The shirt boasts a picture of your country's LONE STAR STATE, with the caption “Let's Mess with Texas”. Not a day goes by where you don't laugh your ass off at this article of clothing.
>Look around
Around you features a clusterfuck of trees with their spookiness enhanced by 420% because of the darkness. Let's hope for your sake there are no monsters lurking about. You also see an old FOREST PATH, so you aren't at a complete loss. Just mostly so.
Don't worry about it, you aren't likely to be eaten by a grue.
>Travelify down the path.
From where you stand, just off the side of the path, you create a fork. You could go LEFT down the PATH, or RIGHT.
>Take a left and walk down the path
This place is creepy as hell, so you are glad to be departing it with haste.
And by “haste” we mean “9 commands and a bunch of words after you got here”.
Luckily, within a few minutes the forest becomes somewhat less dense and you what looks to be a bright and gleaming CITY. From this far off, you've no idea what the city actually is, but this place is obviously a very small town in the middle of nowhere.
Just your luck.
You stop at what you estimate is a mile away from the city and try to get a better look. No dice.
>Celebrate with a victory toke
You roll up a half gram of your Chronic, and light it up. After all, you did just escape a somewhat eerie demise, you suppose. Your first and final drag is paired with the feeling of a large blunt object smashing the back of your head.
And then you see nothing.
~End Prolouge~

Act One: Part One

Dankworld
(Pony Edition)
~Act One~
~Part One~

In your unconsciousness, you have a dream, or a vision, or a something.
You are pulled across the fields of grass , traveling away from the forest, staring up at the STARS once more. You are somewhat glad, because leaving that mess of trees was your intention anyway. You do not see who or what drags you, but hear small, familiar female voices. You hear them conversing with each other, and one of them is clearly worried about whether you are alive or not. You would say something, but you really didn't feel up to it.
The forest grows further and further away and you begin to wonder whether or not this truly was just a figment of your imagination. You know this landscape seems familiar, perhaps unbearably so, but you can't quite seem to put your finger on it. But this place... you know it cannot be real.
Yet, now that you think about it, it could be your reality. That bump on the head was no joke, and you can’t ignore the ground scraping along your back. For the first time, you are actually worried about why you're here, and where you are at all.
Your visions, whether they be a dream or not, fade to black.

This time when you awaken, you look around and find yourself inside of what you speculate is a TREEHOUSE. You are tied to the CHAIR in the center of the room, both your legs and your arms bound by ROPES. You hear two or three voices from outside of the treehouse, but you can't quite make out what they're saying. Perhaps it is time to move it move it.
>Attempt to tear ropes away from chair.
But that would be a jailbreak! You do so anyway, or at least try, only to find yourself hot in the face and the ROPES only slightly effected. Your lanky stoner figure admittedly lets you down more than you wish it does.
>Try again.
Some ropes loosen, yet there are many more to keep you down. One more yank could do it...
But damn, the front of the TREEHOUSE swings open and in trot three little ponies that barely come up to your thigh. These three are none other than the CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS. One of them exclaims “Oh no, it's awake!!” and they scream in terror. You find it quite amusing.
>Break ropes.
Of course, these fillies, even as young and ignorant as they are, would never let some sort of giant, never-before-seen creature break from it's bonds. The ROPES are significantly more durable than you believed. You have seriously underestimated these ponies. Your distaste for the CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS has never been so bloated.
Applebloom approaches you, looking more curious then fearful, an intense swing of emotion from your first meeting just seconds ago. You wonder if it has anything to do with your inability to free yourself. She asks if you are some sort of monster.
>”Of course not, I'm a human.”
All the fillies groan in sadness. They were sincerely hoping they would get their monster hunting CUTIE MARKS for finding and capturing you. Scootaloo shakes her head and says she has never heard of any “hue-man”, and the other ponies quickly agree. “What is a 'hue-man'?”
>”Bi-pedal homosapiens from Earth.”
The younguns clearly do not understand your fancy-speech, but you need not worry about further explanations on that topic, for Sweetie Belle bursts into the conversation. “Are you going to eat us?” she asks, more inquisitive than worried, just like the other pony.
>Insist that I will not eat anypony I meet
While two of the ponies look relieved, Scootaloo remains unconvinced. “How do we know we can trust you?” she asks in a condescending tone. If you could, you might've very well stomped her into the dust. Not only because you dislike her so greatly (as an avid watcher of the show, you've grown to love and tolerate everyone except the damn CRUSADERS), but also because these ponies are somewhat terrifying. I mean, these bitches can talk, and have huge eyes that pierce the very depths of your soul. And after all, the numero uno way to get rid of something you fear is to kill it.
Maybe not completely scary, you conclude, but at least unnerving.
>No they're not.
What?
>This isn't even slightly unnerving, and I'm offended that you consider me to be slightly scared by COLORFUL PONIES
Well, if you insist. We'll take your word for it.
Scootaloo taps her hoof, impatiently awaiting your answer.
>“Cross my heart and hope to die, stick a cupcake in my eye.”
The ponies have a look of wonderful, stricken by awe, for this monster they have “obtained” knows their aunt Pinkie's rhyme, one they all realize is unbreakable lest you wish to face the wrath that is PINKIE PIE. While still skeptical, the ponies agree to release you, but they first must go get Applebloom’s big sister; to be safe, they say. They rush out of the room, except for the adorable white one named Sweetie Belle who was instructed to “keep an eye” on you.
While you two are alone, she apologizes for the actions of the other two, claiming it was mostly their idea to “unconsciousness-ify” you and bring you here. She removes the ropes binding both your hands and your hand legs, and you arise to your colossal height.
You feel just a smidgen better about her, now.
But only a smidgen.
>Resist punching her in the face.
Oh god, it would be so satisfying to punch this marshmallow in the fuckin’ face, returning the favor from her earlier love tap to the skull. Then you’d be free to leave without fear of any other ponies trying to harm you in any way. You clench a fist at your side, and sweat drips down your brow. It would be so easy, the filly is right there...
...but no! It would probably be morally wrong according to some religion out there, and you approve of keeping your karma at a maximum. At least that’s what you want for now. You consider again the simplicity of harming this pony, but then again, she is just a silly little bitty filly.
Good for you, not punching Sweetie Belle in the face.
(+7 karma)
>Holy shit, that was morbid.
You’re not normally like this, you swear! You’re just angry from the circumstances, you assure yourself again and again.
>I mean, that was really FUCKIN' morbid.
Yep, it looks like you're just an asshole.
A minute passes, or perhaps a few seconds that felt like a minute, and another much larger pony that sports a pumpkin orange coat clops into the room with both of the other crusaders. She at first looks uninterested in the CMC's latest finding, until she actually see's what you are. She then does a double take and yells “What in Equestria is that!”. You're not sure if you should take offense or not.
Applebloom notifies her older sister, whom she calls Applejack, that you are a being called a “hue-man” and also a hamasamopien... Or something. She then scolds Sweetie Belle for deviating from the plans regarding your release.
>Introduce myself.
In fluent Equestrian, you introduce yourself as a man named Spencer, from the gorgeous planet Earth, with you’ve no idea why you are here, or how. She is at a loss for words, her jaw essentially smashing through the floor in amazement. You continue, declaring that you awoke in a forest just hours ago and you were smashed to unconsciousness by these three rapscallions and then drug here.
Apparently, her tiny pony mind just comprehended you spoke her language, and she asks something along the lines of “how in tarnation do yuh know our language?”. She looks at you with a lot less fear and a lot more interest, now that you have proven yourself an educated and sentient creature.
>“I dunno lol.”
She doesn’t seem to understand. She raises an eyebrow, obviously incoherent of your jargon. “Pardon?”
>“This language is exactly like the one I have back on Earth.”
She cocks her head in interest and, or so you believe, pretends to understand what you have said. “Well... whutever you say, uh... Spencer.” She obviously finds you and pretty much everything regarding you to be extremely bizarre, but hey, she’s trying.
>Asks if there is someplace I could relax for a few days, to recover my bearings.
Applejack is obviously taken aback by this suggestion, not particularly interested in having a “monster” in her home or near any other pony, regardless of your show of intellect. Lucky for you, she claims to know one filly that would put her differences aside, for science and for knowledge. Her name is Twilight Sparkle, Applejack says, and she can certainly help you out.
>“So let’s go.”
Applejack hesitantly agrees, and the CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS immediately ask if they can join you. “Puhleeeeeeeez”, they whine “we reeeeeaaallly waaant toooooo...” AJ quickly denies, but is obviously welcoming your opinion on the matter too.
>Have the younguns head home, it is late.
The all groan in unison, and goosestep out of the TREEHOUSE, discussing how they wish there was no school tomorrow so they can talk to Spencer more. You’re flattered, and feel slightly better about the circumstance of being taken here.
Even if your introduction was a bit... shaky.
Applejack trots over to you, her head barely reaching your chest. She was indeed a pony, the show don’t lie.
“Yuh ready tah go?” she asks, keen to get a move on.
>Gesture her to take the lead using my right hand.
She understands, and slowly canters beside you as you both exit the TREEHOUSE.
Now is the first time you’ve have had to really think about what has occurred. Apparently, you were so baked you were transported to EQUESTRIA, into a cartoon show for little girls that you enjoy. But...
Why are you here? How is it possible? Are you dreaming, or perhaps dead? Maybe someone, as you thought before, gave you some salvia or LSD or some other drug you were never keen to try. You seem to be taking it well, but... what if you can’t get back? You LIKE your old life! Or what if this was all Animus and shit and you were relieving the life of... one of your ancestors? No, that didn’t make any sense; but at this point nothing could be explained without sounding like someone with a case of insanity. You’ll file that with the rest of nonsense that explains this mess.
As you travel away from the TREEHOUSE and past SWEET APPLE ACRES, you realize there’s only one thing to do now.
>Commence shuffle
You do a little jig, Applejack can’t touch this.
Stop... human time.
Applejack stops her movement to stare at you, likely wondering if you were feeling all right. She obviously has never been exposed to this fantastic way of dancing before, and you feel a twinge of pain that some people (or ponies) have never even heard of MC Hammer.
But there is one last thing you must do.
>Go with the flow.
Go with the flow, indeed.

Act One: Part Two

Dankworld
(Pony Edition)
~Act One~
~Part Two~

You and Applejack stroll for the longest time, the clopping of hooves on the road the only sound in the night, besides the awkward silence between you two. She is nervous, or at least looks the part, looking around cautiously and glancing to you more often than not. Man, even little fillies were less terrified of a “monster”; you are not sure if you find this situation funny or offensive. Regardless, you two carry on with no conversation, traveling down the long and lonesome ROAD.
All of a sudden, Applejack turns her head in your direction and stammers out “So... uh... Twilight is wonna tha smartest ponies I know, if anypony can help yeh, it would be her.”

>Remain silent

That was Applejack's first and possibly final attempt at trying for a conversation, and the next few minutes are also soaked in an abomination of a silence. She figures she was this close to breaking the ice and making this significantly less awkward, but you went and tore that opportunity away from her.
You cruel, cruel bastard.
She swallows her fear and nonchalantly asks if you are tired and want to ride her the rest of the way. You believe this to be an apology for what her little sister and her buddies did. A yawn escapes your mouth and you realize how exhausted you are.

>Accept her offer.

You have a great deal of experience riding (wink wink), and quickly rise to the occasion (nudge nudge), and then mount Applejack. (You don't actually have sex, though.)
She is clearly hindered by your size, yet the pony is far from weak, so she carries you without complaints. She trots at a pace slightly faster than the one you were walking at. Your feet are only a few inches above the ground.

>“Thanks, Applejack.”

“Aw, it's nuthin’.” She seems to be warming up to you, she acts far less nervous than before. What a tenacious pony, you think.
>Load a bowl.
You think it would be difficult to load some bud into a piece while you are riding on the pony, and it turns out you are right. You try your best to avoid spilling any at all, but you drop a NUGGET into the dirt in your attempt. Damn.
Eventually, you have a good sized bowl loaded with your thumb placed above it, for maximum protection.
Applejack glances back as best as she could, and asks what you are doing back there.

>Explain the situation to your steed.

You go off on a minute long speech about how you have loaded this bowl for the sake of liberty and freedom, and your God-given rights to do drugs as you wish. You mention a NUG that has gone missing in action with the most recent of combat and how it fought as bravely a soldier could before it was lost to the darkness, and now you must cremate the bodies that you have recovered, to release their spirits from this world to the next.
And you promised yourself you wouldn't cry.

>Take a hit.

In remembrance of the many brave cannibinoids that lost their lives, you ignite the Chronic of Narnia and give a swift salute to those fallen souls. Godspeed in your next life, warriors, Godspeed.
Applejack gives you a quizzical and perhaps prosecuting look, but you don't care; she hasn't witnessed the atrocities you have. Applejack returns to staring down the path, your rant only served to confuse her, so she decides to inquire no further.
The moon flies high in the sky, and you hear Applejack sigh. Your surroundings evolve from the dull outskirts of Sweet Apple Acres to the dull outskirts of Ponyville. While the night is beautiful, it's also boring as hell. Hopefully, things will be more exciting once the sun rises.
You can’t really deal with boredom very well.

>Ask her how long before we get there.

Applejack reckons that it'll only take a few minutes until you two arrive, then asks what smells so bizarre. She also mentions something about it smelling like a dragon.

>Ask her how she feels about cannabis

AJ claims to have never heard of such a thing, nosiree. “Now answer mah question”.

>”Well, that’s what it is... cannabis.”

“Oh” She said. “An' just what the hay is that?”

>”Well, Applejack, this here is a plant by many names, scientifically known as Cannabis Sativa, Indica, or Ruderalis. It’s main active ingredient is tetrahydrocannabinol, or THC. When this chemical enters your bloodstream, you experience euphoria and stuff, so basically it feels good. I am smoking it, so the THC is getting into my body through my lungs.”

Applejack is lost. You just spewed a whole bunch of fancy words at her and diction has never really been her strong point.
“Now, hold up a minute. So, you breathe smoke, and somehow the... chemicals in that plant get inta yer blood? How in tha’ hay does that work?”

>”Science, my orange equine friend. Science happens, so you get high.”

“Well okay then, you have fun with yer science then.”

You notice Applejack has gradually slowed down, her back now bows a little lower and you can feel her shoulders quiver underneath you. Between labored breaths, Applejack kindly asks you to get off, because “Her shoulders are kinda stiff from farm work and she needs to stretch.”

>”You can just say you are tired, it’s okay.”

“What? Ah am not tired! Ah just told you...” She takes a quiet, yet deep breath. “...Ahm just stretchin!”
She makes a show out of said stretching, eliciting a few cracks and pops from her belaboured skeleton.
“Sorry to end the ride, Ahm sure you were enjoyin it, but Ponyville is just up ahead, and my friends might see... Er...”

>”See what?”

She inches a little closer.
“Look, uh, I think it might be weird if ponies saw me carryin’ some alien into town in the middle of the night...” She whispers to you.

>”But Spike rides you guys all the time!”

“Yeah, but he’s only a ba-... How did you know about Spike?”

You realize you divulged information you learned from watching the show, but couldn’t possibly know anything about otherwise.

>“You told me about him when you offered me a ride and I thought it would be weird, remember?”

“Uhhhhh... Yeah, of course Ah remember! And, uh... Well, Twilight lives thataways, in a big tree. It’s the towns library, but she moved in there a while back. Really, it’s a tree with windows and stuff, ya can’t miss it. Anywho, go talk to her, she is probably still up, she always studies late.”

>”Okay, thanks Applejack! Nice meeting you.”

“Yeah, see ya around, Spencer.”
She departs back towards the farm, and you walk off “thataways”, eager to meet your favorite pony.

Act One: Part Three

Dankworld
(Pony Edition)
{Written By Phom}
~Act One~
~Part Three~

During your walk through Ponyville to the library, you can’t help but notice that it is a lot bigger and less humble than the show let on. There are many locations you have never actually seen, and places like Carousel Boutique or Sugarcube Corner are much more impressive firsthand. As with Applejack on the trail, you imagine how amazing everything must look in the daylight, and look forward to whatever you might be doing tomorrow. You feel a rush of excitement: this really is happening! You saw Sweet Apple Acres, met Applejack and the Cutie Mark Crusaders, walked by the buildings... You really are in Equestria, and the possibility of adventure and fun are, to be honest, a little overwhelming. Seriously, the antics of the inhabitants of Ponyville are nothing short of rediculous, and you aren’t sure if you are up to it.
Oh but hey, there’s the library! Forget all this doubt, your favorite purple pony waits behind this door!

>Knock

You knock four times, because two could go unnoticed but five could sound too urgent, and you know how Twilight overthinks things. First impressions are everything.
A nearly inaudible patter of paws approaches, and the door opens cautiously, revealing a baby dragon fresh from his basket.

“Hello? Do you even realize how late... Woah. Twilight, c’mere!”
The dragon looks you up and down, lingering on your hands, but leaving no inch unseen.
“Is this one of Pinkies pranks again?” He raises his voice. “Pinkie, it’s late, not now, okay?”

>Inform dragon of the situation

You explain that all will be revealed to the dragon later, once Twilight is present, because you would rather not repeat yourself. Just on time, said purple pony scrambles up, half brushed mane and levitated brush in tow. She begins to ask Spike who is at the door, but stops short when she sees you.

“AH! What- You- Uh... Wait, no, I mean...”

She pauses to gather her thoughts as you and Spike watch, expectantly.

“Um, I’m sorry I reacted how I did, I have neither seen nor read about your kind. May I ask... What are you?”

>”Hi, I’m Spencer Firna. I am a human, and I really have no idea what I’m doing here in Equestria, which is why I am here. I just woke up on the edge of the Everfree forest and walked back here with Applejack, who told me to come talk to you.”

She sighs. “Right, because if there is ever a problem, come to Twilight Sparkle, she has the books, she just magically knows how to fix everything...”
She rolls her eyes and turns around, retreating into the library.
“Come in, I’ll see what I can find. You will have to tell me more, though, waking up in the forest isn’t exactly much to go off of.”

You follow her into the main room of the library, and Spike closes the door behind you. Rubbing your head, you recall your injuries sustained in the company of the Crusaders, and scowl with annoyance. Twilight doesn’t notice, she is busy moving books via telekinesis and muttering to herself about indexes and such as she flips through multiple books at a time. Her speed and skill concerning her books never ceases to amaze you, seeing how you can barely keep up with the passing titles as they fly through the air.

Spike, bored with this everyday spectacle, announces that he is going back to bed, then does so.

“Okay... Spencer, was it? I found a few books on random teleportation, one on waking up in strange places... So, what happened again?”

>Explain

You attempt to explain in as much detail as possible, but you really can’t remember much about what happened prior to this evenings events. You know you were walking... somewhere... Then something happened and you were here. You think farther back, before your walk, and a chill runs down your spine as you feel your memories slipping away while you think of them. In fact, large details of your life are just barely out of reach in your mind, like a dream after you have woken up.

Twilight waits patiently for an explanation, watching as your facial expression grows more and more distressed.
“Um, Spencer? Are you okay, you look worried...”

>”I’m fine, I just can’t remember stuff. Like, important stuff, about my life before I got here...”

She makes a mental note, muttering something about amnesia, then resumes searching the shelves.
“Okay, that narrows it down a tiny bit... This might take a while, and it’s late, I normally don’t stay up past an hour ago... Would you meet me here tomorrow morning to continue our research? Where are... Oh... I bet you don’t have a place to stay, right?

>”Eeenope.”
Twilight briefly considers the odd fact that you just used a phrase Big Macintosh uses all the time, but she dismisses it as simple coincidence. She dons an irritated look.
“So, what, were you planning on staying here? Because it would be nice if you asked first, and...”

She starts rambling, so you inform her that you honestly had no plan concerning living arrangements for the night, and meant no exploitation of her hospitality. Her attitude undergoes a sudden change from annoyed to excited, and the tired pony from moments ago is totally gone.
“Oh, well, you could stay here if you want! It would be fun, like a slumber party, but with a puzzling mystery to solve! We could...” She starts rambling again.

The prospect of a sleepover studying party is very unappealing to you.

>”I’m sorry Twilight, I am not in the mood for any kind of party right now, I would actually like to go to bed. We can study tomorrow.”

“Oh... Well, that would be fine too. Unfortunately, I don’t...” She looks around the library. “...Really know where you can sleep around here... Oh, I know!”

She levitates blankets and pillows from unseen parts of the house, arranging them on the floor to create a makeshift bed. Two cushions from a nearby couch make the mattress, while blankets and pillows provide extra padding, with pillows on the sides lest you roll off. One pillow at the top and a blanket draped over the pile actually serve their normal purpose as pillow and blanket.
Twilight looks the whole thing over with a scrutinizing eye.
“Well, it isn’t great, but it will do the job. You can use my bed, it’s upstairs. Don’t mess with my stuff, especially not the bookshelves in my room, that’s my private collection and I have it organized perfectly.”

>”Oh. no, Twilight, I couldn’t. I’ll sleep down here, this bed is fine. It is enough that you are even letting me stay here. With all the research you are going to be doing for me, you need a good nights sleep.

Twilight opens her mouth to protest, but everything you said made sense. She was conflicted: nopony ever came to visit her for more than a question or a plea for help. save for her friends, who were usually occupied fighting each other or some odd internal struggle. But here was this creature she knew nothing about, which, yes, had a problem and needed her help, but was relying on her hospitality because it had nowhere else to go. She wanted to be a good host, and it responded by being chivalrous and refusing her bed... This was something to think about. Also, this Spencer creature had made not one quip about her books or her reading habits or anything. She was used to being called something along the lines of “egghead” at least once a day by her friends or otherwise, and everypony agreed that the amount of reading she did was totally weird. Spencer had said nothing. Of course, she had known him for all of an hour, but nevertheless she felt there was something special about this “human”.

“Are you sure? My bed is much better than this, and you are the guest in my home! I am supposed to make sure you are as comfortable as possible, it’s part of being a good host.”

>”I understand, however, I feel it is more important, unless it is too soon to say such things, to be a good friend and allow you to have the good bed. I’m just being nice.”

Her eyes widened at the mention of being friends. Wasn’t she the awkward nerdy pony who had been sent here for the sole purpose of making friends? Didn’t she normally have to work at it? She and Spencer were just instantly friends somehow, and she barely knew him. Thinking back, she realized that she was fairly rude to him at first, but he had been nice to her the entire time. She decided she would have to get to know him better, because why not? One can always benefit from more friends.

“So, you mean we are friends now? Why?”

>”Why? Why not? You are helping me with my problem, you are letting me spend the night and you don’t even know me... Why shouldn’t you be my friend? Friendship is magic!”

Again, her brain dismissed his knowledge of something he couldn’t possibly have learned as coincidence. She failed to hold back a yawn, and decided it was time for bed, but you beat her to it, telling her she looks pretty tired and should go to bed. She subconsciously enjoyed being cared for, and her calculating brain moved this new friend up a few rungs on some ladder that Twilight very rarely thought about.

“Fine, I’ll sleep upstairs. I guess, uh... goodnight? Bathroom is down that hall, kitchen is right there if you need water or something. See you in the morning, sleep well.”
She magically turns off the light, and her horn glows dimly, illuminating the stairs and the room upstairs as she retires.

>Sleep.

You get in the bed, which is awkwardly pony sized so your legs drape off the end. After a bit of consideration, you decide that the bed is honestly not very bad, and promptly drift off to sleep.

----------------------------

You have the strangest dream. You are lying on your back somewhere, and a couple of worms are working their way past your lips and into your mouth,

>Wake the hell up right now

You wake up and open your eyes to see Spike holding your lips open. He notices you are awake and backs up all startled-like.
“You... I know what you are here for! I don’t believe your story, and my investigation confirms my suspicions! Look at those teeth! You are here to eat Twilight, aren’t you? Well I’m not gonna let that happen, I’ll burn you where you lay!”

>”Wait, no, don’t do that! I am not gonna eat anypony, I promise.”

“Yeah right! I’ve seen enough monsters to know that those are meat-eating teeth! Well, there’s only one kind of meat around here! Pony!”

You actually can’t help but wonder what pony meat might taste like, but push the thought out of your head on the off chance that Spike might be able to read minds.

>Roll eyes. “Spike, really, I would have started eating ponies already if I wanted to. Go back to bed.”

“Hmm, well I have my eyes on you. You promise you aren’t gonna do anything bad?”

>”I promise. Don’t worry, I like Twilight, I wouldn’t eat her. At least she trusts me, unlike you and Applejack.”

Spike just walks back to his bed, feeling like a bit of a jerk.

----------------------

Meanwhile, Twilight sleeps soundly. Her bed had never felt more comfortable, and she had come to terms with herself on the whole Spencer issue. She figured that he was just a nice guy, and she had done well in allowing him to stay and offering her own bed, so he was simple responding to her hospitality by being selfless. It was all just a logical circle of friends being nice to each other, nothing more to it. She had fallen asleep quickly, but was then plagued by troubling dreams with Spencer at the center of them. She dreamed that she was mad at Princess Celestia because of something concerning him, then she felt overwhelming sadness and anger at herself because of something he did for her. She also dreamt that there was much, much more to the whole Spencer thing, and her petty emotional dispute with herself was nothing compared to what was to come. Suddenly, she saw an image of herself, dead, and somehow knew that it was her fault. This vision jolted her awake with a small cry, causing Spike to stir slightly and murmur in his sleep. Twilight sat up in a cold sweat, pulling deep breaths, and put her face in her hooves, trying to make sense of what she had dreamt.

{As stated before, this portion as brought you by the lovely Phom. If you all enjoyed this chapter, be certain to mention it and you’ll be very likely to see him write more!}

Act One: Part Four

Dankworld
(Pony Edition)
{Written By Phom}
~Act One~
~Part Four~

You drift in that odd half-asleep-half-awake state you may have experienced, on some fine day-off from work or school, when you have gotten a good nights sleep and have no reason to get up early so your body gets to decide when to wake up.
Your semi-conscious mind is aware of some sensory input, but has deemed it nonthreatening enough to wake you up so you can find out, so that input sometimes bleeds through into your dreams.
Currently, you are running down some snowy hill, flames in one hand and electricity in the other, drinking mead and shouting at wolves and deer in some odd, short-phrased language. You notice some bandits up the path, preparing to rob you for all you have. You decide you will kill them all with your bow for sport, but are interrupted by far-off voice from the sky...

“Spencer? Spencer, wake up!”

You feel a hoof shaking your shoulder, so you open your eyes a crack to asses the situation. Twilight is waking you up early for some reason, because you can see through a window that the sun has barely risen. You figure Twilight was excited to help you so she got up earlier than normal or something. You know she’s an egghead like that, and you think it’s kinda cute.

>Get up

You sit up in bed and rub your eyes as Twilight continues.

“Sorry to wake you, but I can’t really advance in my research until I’ve asked you a few questions. I made some breakfast, care to join me in the kitchen?”

>Go eat some carbon

You pull your pants on (all the cool people sleep in a t-shirt and boxers) and follow Twilight into the kitchen. Sure enough, breakfast is well-burnt, and you can’t tell the difference between... Well, whatever is on the table. Twilight can’t help but notice the look on your face.

“Oh, I knew it was bad! Sorry, I’m a terrible cook, Spike usually makes the meals but I didn’t want to wake him up so early...”

>Check cooking skill

You have a fairly high cooking skill, due to all your stoner culinary experiments over the years. Making your own munchies while you are high is a tricky business, because you think of many new foodstuff combinations which may or may not work out, so you have a good understanding of what goes well together. Also, living on your own in an apartment with a goal of staying healthy had taught you to make meals from raw ingredients fairly well.

>”Would you like me to cook breakfast? I can cook pretty good.”

She corrects you. “Pretty well.”

>”I know. I intentionally used the wrong word for the humors sake.”

“Well I don’t think it’s very funny...”

>”I guess it’s a human thing. Ill just take that as a yes.”
>Cook breakfast

She agrees to let you make breakfast. You turn up a clean burner and happen to find a clean pan in the first cupboard you check. While the pan heats up, you beat six eggs in a bowl and Twilight cleans the burnt whatever from the table. You add chopped peppers and olives to the bowl, and a pat of butter to the pan. Twilight finishes her job and watches the butter melt.

“Oh, the butter will act as a lubricant so the eggs won’t stick to the pan! I always wondered why spike put butter in eggs, but I never watched him close enough to see why! Now... Now I feel kinda dumb!” She smiles.

>Pat pony on head.
>”Oh, it’s okay, you will learn someday.”
>Put eggs in pan. No wait, get spatula first.

You pat her and she looks sheepish. You grab a fresh spatula from a utensil jar and pour the omelet mixture into the pan. They make a nice sizzling sound and the smell of cooking eggs permeates the air. Twilight levitates two glasses of orange juice from the table, setting one down near you and saying “Well, I didn’t burn these. Here, before it gets warm.”

>”So, you had questions?”

Twilight thoughtfully sips her orange juice. “Yes, though I believe I have condensed them down into two simple ones. First, point to where you came from on this map.”

She levitates a map from close by and unrolls it to reveal exactly what you expected: Not Earth.

>”Sorry, I’m not even from this planet. So that would be nowhere on this map.”

“Oh. Well, okay, next question. Do you remember what happened before you woke up in the forest?”

You hesitate. You coulda sworn you already explained this.

>Well I don’t actually know, so
>Explain

You explain that all you can really remember is that you came home from... somewhere, and for some reason you decided to go for a walk, which you do every once in a while. And then you woke up in the forest.

Twilight slumps her head onto the table in frustration. “Is that really all you can remember? I’m sorry, but that is really unhelpful.”

You flip the eggs and realize you had totally failed to notice the cyan ring on your finger. You have no idea where it came from or how you got it, but for some reason you can’t seem to make yourself care about it for too long, so you don’t mention it to Twilight.

>Mention it to Twilight

Ok but we literally just said you can’t make yourself care about the ring so you don’t mention it.

>Mention it, you prick! Obviously I do care about it!

You as a player care about it, but your character does not, so deal with it. Wanna argue more or get back to being in your favorite tv show?

>-_- okay fine, when you put it that way. Finish the eggs.

The eggs just so happen to be almost done, so you grab a block of cheese and find the grater with Twilight's help, then serve the eggs onto three plates and grate a nice covering of cheese over each one.

Twilight's mouth waters, but she manages to contain her hunger long enough to explain that Spike will eat his once he gets up and thank you so much for cooking for him she had totally forgot, then levitates her plate over and promptly burns her tongue on a forkful of omelet.

“Mhh, haww!” She saves her mouth from further damage by taking a pull of juice. She then realizes how disgusting omelet, cheese, and orange juice taste together, so she hastily swallows it, cringes, and sticks her tongue out with a “bluh” sound.

She turns her head to realize you witnessed the whole thing, and looks back down to her plate, blushing hotly.

>”Oh Twilight, I think it’s a bit early for you, I don’t think you are quite awake yet!”

She jumps to her own defence, still quite embarrassed. “Well I was only trying to help you! Would you rather wait around until noon while I slept in?”

>”Hey, calm down, I don’t mean to make fun of you, and I really appreciate your help, but there’s no rush, I don’t mind it around here.”

“Yeah, well, you... Oh, you don’t? Well, I guess that’s good, but don’t you want to get home as soon as possible?”

The question sends a shiver down your spine. For some inexplicable reason, you can’t even stand to think about the possibility of going home. Home was boring, you worked, played videogames, smoked, and slept. And home wasn’t Equestria! Screw being anywhere but here! Besides, anywhere else wouldn’t have Twilight Sparkle...
It strikes you as odd how she is a large part of why you like it here, but you quickly dismiss it as “Twilight is best pony”.

>”No, I actually would rather stay here! Where I come from is boring, Equestria is way more fun. There’s dragons and magic and manticores and the Apple Family and all sorts of stuff! Really, I like it here.”

Twilight tests a forkful and finds out that her eggs have cooled enough for her to eat. A silence falls over the room as you ravenously eat your food, both of you noticing how hungry you really are. Twilight pauses between mouthfuls to thank you for the wonderful breakfast. She’s right; in fact, this might just be the best breakfast you have ever had. Then again, this is Equestria so you can’t really tell.

All too quickly your meal is finished, and Twilight searches for something to say, now that her questions have been asked. It has been bothering her that you have decided you prefer Equestria, despite the fact that all you have done here is talk with Applejack and spend the night at her house. Was it possible that you had already... developed feelings for her or her friend?

She berates herself on such a childish idea. Such things only happened in books, ponies didn’t just start liking eachother right off the bat, so there was no way. Besides, you are a human, that would be totally weird. You are like, five hooves taller than she is. Nevertheless, she was interested.

“Are you sure you would rather stay here? You really haven’t seen any of Ponyville or met anypony, what tells you that you will like it here?”

>”You do.”

You watch as her eyes widen.
That was exactly what she was afraid you were going to say something like. You save yourself by saying:

>Uhh
>”You, Spike, and Applejack.”

Okay good, never mind, she had nothing to worry about.

You are confused, and wonder why she had that panicked look on her face. Was it something you said?

“What do you mean, Applejack, Spike, and I?”

>”Well, I guess I just want to get to know you guys better. You and...”
You stop yourself, you almost mentioned her friends, which would definitely be awkward, seeing as you should know nothing about them.

>Okay well, I guess it’s good that you keep editing my sentences to keep me from fucking up, thanks I guess. Just don’t edit out any good things, ok? I’ll just say them again if you don’t have a good reason.

Ooh, look at the player making demands to the pre-programmed game! Look, we’ll do our best, okay?

>Ok

Ok good. You gonna finish?

>“I dunno, you any any other nice ponies here, I guess. This is just looking more and more like a really nice place that I would like to be part of.”

Twilight was sketched out again. She was sure Applejack acted normal, she was a brave pony, and Twilight was certainly trying to act as normal around her strange guest as possible. Either you were developing feelings, or she and her friend were just likable ponies.
It wasn’t like they didn’t have enemies... They weren’t perfectly likable... Oh, well, they had plenty of friends, so you were just another of them! You happened to like their personalities, so now you were friends. Friends, after not even knowing each other for a full day.
Hm, still weird, but she figured, “Okay, I’m enjoying his company, and he is enjoying mine... I think... But that’s what I mean, I need to stop over-thinking everything! He is just being friendly because he is totally lost in this world... Well that’s a morbid way of putting it...”

“You are just a nice creature from some other planet, and I need to get to know you better!”

She notices your suddenly confused expression and realizes she said that last bit out loud.

>”Exactly! If I am going to stay here, I need help getting to know how everything works. It sounds to me like you would be interested, so, would you like to be my guide pony of sorts?”

She honestly couldn’t tell what she thought about that. There were many ways of thinking about you, and she was unsure which one she wanted to stick with.
1) Spencer is an alien and must be studied.
2) Spencer is a nice alien and a good friend so far, he should meet my friends.
3) Spencer has developing feelings for Applejack or me.
3a) If it is Applejack, what do I do? Does she like him like that too?
3b) If it is me... would it really be that bad to see how it plays out?
3b*) Of course it would that would be so weird what am I even saying
3b**) But he is nice, smart, he seems to have a good grasp of Equestrian, and he can cook...
3b***) But he is also not a pony. And I don’t even need a relationship. Okay wow, moving on!
4) Spencer needs my help to make it in Equestria.
5) I might be developing feelings for Spencer?
5*) Where did that even come from, I am so not!
6) Spencer wants to get to know me better, and the feeling is mutual.

Twilight decided that her subconscious didn’t know how to handle this very well for some reason, so she would just leave it at a mixture of the entire list, leaning more towards numbers 2, 3b**, and 6. It all didn’t really matter anyway, fact of the matter was that she was excited about this new development in her life, and she wasn’t about to let it shift to someone else.

░▒▓▒░▒▓▒░▒▓▒░▒▓▒░▒▓▒░▒▓▒░▒▓▒░▒▓▒░▒▓▒░▒▓▒░▒▓▒░▒▓▒░▒▓▒░▒▓▒░

Meanwhile, unbeknownst to the player for the sake of the game, but revealed for the readers
enlightenment and intrigue, a certain goddess grinned with a tricksters gleam in her eye, for her plan was going off without a hitch and it was nearly time to move on to the next step.

[Authors note: I honestly didn’t expect the text message format this story was in to be very easy to write as a story, but I guess I was wrong. You guys are lucky, Xaxus only got to read what other ponies did and said, he had no idea what anypony was thinking. I only dropped hints every now and then, but you guys get to know everything. It’s nice to write the whole story.
Also, I realize I deviate from Xaxus’ original style. Sorry, I hope you guys don’t mind.]

[Feedback is much appreciated.]