Celestia uses her magic to shut and lock the door behind me. She turns to face me for what I hope will be our final confrontation. "So," I begin.

"So," she parrots.

"We're here at last."

Celestia nods and moves over to a large desk. "I imagine you have a lot of questions for me," she says as she uses her magic to pull up a stack of papers.

"Just one." My insides feel like ice right now. "Can you send me home now?"

Celestia keeps silent for a moment as she scans the papers in front of her. She puts them back down on the desk. "TD, before I answer that question, I must admit to you that there is more to you coming here than I originally admitted to you and Twilight."

"I figured. Me coming here like you said is a bit too random, don't you think?" I don’t ask so much as I make a statement.

The Princess nods. "Your coming here was still partially random, but not to the extent I led you to believe. I told you that the energy I conjured randomly pulled you into this world… but I'm afraid that is, for the most part, a fabrication."

"How so?" I ask suspiciously.

Celestia doesn’t say a thing for a moment, before she takes a deep breath and delves into her story. "When I told you I created the ball of energy, I said it sucked the magic out of my room and it took all of my power to stop it, correct?"

"Yeah," I nod.

"The truth is, when the energy started being sucked out, it made the ball of energy more powerful, and much more unstable. The instability did not concern me at the moment it began happening… but what happened with the ball, well, that is a different story."

"Why?” I scratch my head. “What happened with the ball?"

"It created a portal,” she explains. “A highly volatile and unstable one, but a portal nonetheless. I used all of my magical powers to sustain it so that my surroundings would not be damaged, and it took me a lot of magic and skill, but I did manage to get it to manageable levels.

“When I did that, it allowed me to look inside. And what I saw... it was truly a sight to behold."

Celestia, if you were intending on making me curious, consider your goal accomplished. "What did you see?"

"I saw your world. I don't know why, but for whatever reason, the portal chose to open up on the exact spot where you were. I saw many members of your species, and I observed their habits. I noticed that they would always wait in the same spots for a series of lights to turn red before a white symbol flashed, as a warning that crossing was safe, or authorized. I noted the objects you call 'cars' stopping whenever their respective lights turned red, and that they drove off when they turned green.

“I watched for about twenty minutes, and ended up with a pretty good idea of the routine of that area."

"That's very interesting," I interrupt, "but it still doesn't answer my question."

"I'm getting there," she assures me. "I continued to observe the goings on of your species with great interest. You truly are an interesting people."

"Celestia… what does this have to do with me?" I ask out of the irritation rising inside of me.

Celestia sighs and begins nervously shuffling the papers on the desk. "Do you remember the accident that brought you here?" she asks without looking at me.

"I was hit by a car. I’m pretty sure I'll remember that forever."

"No, no you weren't," she says quietly.

My jaw drops slightly. "What do you mean? I woke up after a four day coma with a ton of injuries: that sounds like getting hit by a car to me all right."

The Princess looks back up. "The injuries you sustained were not caused by your collision with the car, TD… that collision never actually happened. When I saw the car speed towards you, I knew that if it collided with you it would cause great injury, maybe even death. I couldn't stand by and let that happen.

“In the heat of the moment, I called upon the last reserves of my magic and attempted to pull you backwards, out of the way of the car. But, unfortunately, I used too much magic. I did not just pull you backwards… I pulled you through the portal by mistake."

My jaw is practically on the floor by this point. My mind is a blank – I want to say something… but what on Earth can I say to this?

Celestia sighs one more time before moving on. "The strain of pulling a being as large as yourself through an already unstable portal was far too much for it to handle. It collapsed. You were through by that point, lying unconscious on the ground. I would have tended to you right there and then… but what happened next prevented that.

“When the portal collapsed it created an energy outflow that increased the air pressure. It began crushing you, TD; that's why you woke up with broken bones. I knew that you would die unless I took drastic action, so I did the only thing I could think of at that moment: I sent you to Ponyville. I didn't want you to cause a stir around Canterlot, so I sent you to a more remote part of Equestria, where my student could take care of you until I figured out what to do about it all."

I continue to stare at Celestia. I don’t know what to think, or even what to feel. I wasn’t pulled in just because of a random portal; she pulled me in to avoid seeing me get hit by that car. She... she...

Okay, TD, calm the heck down!

I take a few deep breaths and ask the first question that comes to my mind. "Why didn't you just tell me when we first saw each other? Why this ‘random portal’ nonsense?"

Celestia looked at me with sorrowful eyes that I don’t see. "I didn't tell you then because I didn't want Twilight to know about this kind of magic. I fear her curiosity would have led to her abusing it, or at least attempting an imitation… I didn’t want that to happen, it was almost uncontrollable when I myself did it. If I told her you coming here was a failure of mine, as opposed to a deliberate action that would have been viewed as a success by her, then she would not have tried to replicate it… exactly like, to my knowledge, she hasn't."

By this point, my confusion is turning to anger at this mare. "So you kick her out of the room, talk to me in private later, order her to not try anything under threat of heavy punishment, do anything but what you did!” I yell. “You're the freaking immortal sun-goddess of Equestria, can't you keep tabs on your own student?!"

Celestia doesn’t react to my outburst. "TD, I have my reasons for not letting Twilight know about what I did. Please respect them. I have known her far longer than you have."

Ah yes, the 'I have the power, my motives are infallible' technique. Don't you just love it?

That aside, how I got here really isn't as important as can I get home. I have to keep this on the right track. "Okay, so you brought me here to save my life, and you have your big mystic reasons for having lied to the Elements of Harmony and me when I first woke up,” I state as I pace around the room. “Fine, whatever, I really don’t care. What I care about is, can I go home now?"

Celestia is silent and my insides freeze even more.

Oh no, no this can't be happening. How does--

Wait... she's smiling.

Celestia's smile grows bigger by the minute. "TD the moment I came back to Canterlot after seeing you in the hospital I began researching portals. Over the few months you've been here, I think I have perfected the magic I need. After the first four or five attempts, I have successfully found Earth every time.

"I also experimented with sending things through portals, little things that wouldn't be out of place in your world like bird feathers and pencils and the like. It worked every time."

My jaw is on the floor in the best possible way. She...she...

I clear my throat. "S...So what you're saying is..."

"I can send you home."

My jaw is back on the floor for but a moment before I break out into the biggest smile of my life and let out a cry of pure elation. I can go home! I can go home!

I bounce up and down in a manner that would make Pinkie Pie jealous before rushing over to Celestia and wrapping her in a rib crushing hug. "THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU!!!!!"

Celestia chuckles. "You're very welcome, TD," she says. "I take it you would like to go as soon as possible?"

My eyes widen and I waste no time in zooming out the door. The crowd of nobles is looking at the bouncing human who is crowing happily as I bolt past them, but I hardly give a rats about that. I'm going back to Earth!!!!

I quickly grab my laptop from the table where Celestia teleported it to before running up to my room and packing it away. I prepared for this so everything is packed. I take a few quick moments to change clothes before zooming back to Celestia's room on my scooter, something that elicits more than a few gasps from the crowd.

"Hey all you Canterlot snobs, if ya got laid once in a while you might be happier!" I call back to the crowd.

"No kidding!" says a pony that I don't have to see to know that it's that Cloud Kicker pony who tried to bang me earlier.

I reach Celestia's room in record time and screech to ha halt just before I collide with the door. I fling it open and walk inside to see Celestia and, surprise surprise, the Mane Six inside as well. All of them are looking at me with expressions ranging from elation to vague sadness.

Twilight is the first to walk up to me. "I'm so happy for you!" she says with a watery smile.

I laugh. "Thanks, Twilight."

The other members all gather around me and say their goodbyes. Each and every one of them tells me that they'll miss me and that they're glad that I can go home. I in turn tell each one of them that I'll miss them and you know what... I think I will. Huh. You know... I didn't actually think that I would. Rainbow Dash, Applejack, and Twilight all attacked me, Rarity hit me with a freezing spell, and Pinkie Pie set me on fire but despite all of that, I've really grown to care for them.

No, I'm still not watching the show.

After hugs are exchanged, Celestia fires up her horn and a large blue ball appears and expands into what I know to be a portal. I look through and I see it: that crosswalk that I was walking across before all of this happened. In an odd way, I'm really looking forward to that cow smell that will hit me the second I'm through.

"Are you ready to go, TD?" asks Celestia.

I stand up and nod happily. "I've been ready to go for a long time," I say.

"Then go at your leisure," says Celestia.

I laugh excitedly and am about to go through when I hear Twilight's horn fire up and something put in my pocket. I turn back confusedly and she smiles at me. "It's your phone. I've gotten everything I can from it and you might as well have it just so you can have everything you came with."

I chuckle. "Thanks, Twilight, thanks."

And with one last look at the seven of them, I walk through the portal.