Entry: Torn in Two,

I've never felt so torn before. I know I should be happy for her, and I feel terrible for not being completely supportive, but I just hate the thought of her going away so much that it's killing me. Just when everything feels like it couldn't get better, she goes and gets accepted into The Wonderbolts Academy. I know it's her dream to be a Wonderbolt, and I think it would be totally awesome if my big sister was one of them... I'm just scared of being left alone. It really hurts knowing this is happening, but I have to go meet her at the pond. I have to say goodbye.

She left today without saying goodbye to me. Maybe she forgot I was waiting for her at the pond, or maybe she just couldn't stand the thought of facing me and was afraid that she'd be unable to go if she saw me. Maybe she just doesn't care about me as much as I care about her. Who am I kidding, of course she doesn't.

I don't feel like being alone anymore, so I guess I'll go hang out with Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle. I have to make sure I don't let myself cry in front of them. I just hope they don't ask about Rainbow, or I might not be able to help myself.

Cheerilee shook her head, an expression of sheer disdain appearing as she took in the diary. She turned the page and closed her eyes for a moment, thoughts of Rainbow Dash filling her mind.

I should march over there and give her a piece of my mind... she thought, but quickly recalled that the events she read about took place nearly four years ago.

With a sour pit in her stomach, she sighed and continued reading.

I didn't sleep much last night. It felt weird knowing that Rainbow Dash was gone, and that I wouldn't be able to see her for a month or two. I couldn't help but dwell on the fact that she didn't even bother saying goodbye, or letting me know she'd miss me, or anything at all. I don't know what to think, or how to make myself believe that it was a mistake, and that she really does think of me as a little sister. It's just so hard to believe that right now.

The sun was finally rising above the treetops, so it was safe to assume that Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle were up. I opened up my bedroom window and jumped out so I could leave without my mom bugging me. I get so sick of her trying to act like she cares about me, when more than half the time she makes it obvious that she couldn't care less. As soon as my dad and his friends get home, it's like I don't even exist.

Whatever. I don't care about her anyway; I'm trying to cheer myself up and thinking about her and the rest of my family just makes me feel worse. I can't wait to see what Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom are up to, they always bring out the best in me.

I hopped onto my scooter and zipped down the road towards the center of town. Sweetie Belle was usually hanging out around her sister's place if she wasn't out crusading with us. Something tells me she doesn't get along with her parents too well either. As Sugarcube Corner came into view, I took a turn on Stable Street and picked up my pace. Dirt kicked up behind me as I sped on, and as I reached the end of the street, I pulled hard on the handle bars. My scooter turned sideways, and I slid across the road, skidding to a stop directly in front of the Carousel Boutique.

A cloud of dirt caught up with me and I coughed, waving the air in front of my nose as I trotted to the front door, pushing my way inside. A bell chimed overhead and a pretty white unicorn rolled her eyes at me.

"What do you think you're doing, Scootaloo?! Just look at all that... ugh, dirt you're getting everywhere." She trotted past me and covered her mouth.

"Sorry. Is Sweetie Belle here?" I asked her, glancing over to her green saddlebag spilled across the floor.

Rarity shrugged and levitated a broom in her aura of magic, her hoof over her muzzle as she swept. "Yes I think so. She was here earlier, but she may have left. Check the front room."

I nodded and pulled my eyes away from her. I wonder if she knows about Rainbow Dash, or what she thinks about everything. I thought those two are good friends, but the more I thought about it, the less certain I felt. Honestly I didn't really care, I had plenty of my own problems on my mind.

"Sweetie Belle?" I called out, trotting into the other room and peeking around.

"Hi Scootaloo!" the little cutie came hopping into the room with me while she hummed. "What's up?"

"I just wanted to see if you and Apple Bloom felt like hanging out. I've had a really bad day, and wanted to see you guys." I lowered my ears and smiled up at her, just being in the same room with her was making me feel better already.

"Uhm, we can hang out, but I already stopped by Apple Bloom's to see if she wanted go crusading with us later, but I guess she's grounded," Sweetie said, her eyes wide and with a grin.

"Grounded for what? And why do you seem so... like, whatever about it?" I shook my head and giggled.

Sweetie Belle blushed and leaned in. "Apple Bloom got caught saying bad words that she learned from Babs, so now she has to do extra chores and can't play with us for a whole week."

That was dumb, I just shrugged it off and nodded towards the door. "I didn't know Applejack was so strict. My mom says bad words to me all the time, and I usually say whatever I want without getting in trouble." At those words, my heart began to sink. I wonder what Rainbow Dash would say to me saying bad words. There was I time when I'd have guessed that she'd yell at me or tell me not to, but maybe she wouldn't care. I don't really know anymore.

"Hmph. I'm just mad that we have to miss a whole week of crusading because Apple Bloom can't keep her big mouth shut. I'd say we could go do stuff, but it'd feel wrong without her." Sweetie Belle lowered her eyes and frowned.

She was right; there was no way we could go crusading without her. I can't even imagine how bad I'd feel if I got my cutie mark without her to see it happen. We're going to get them together, or not at all. "Wanna just go talk at the clubhouse then?"

"Yeah sure. Why do you seem so sad anyway?" She looked me in the eye, then I saw her shiver and flatten her ears. "Oh... I'm sorry Scootaloo. I forgot that Rainbow Dash left to do the Wonderbolts thing, my sister made a big fuss about it earlier. Are you okay?"

I almost choked on the lump in my throat, and felt my eyes flooding with tears. Just the mention of her name broke my heart, and I turned away and trotted outside. I couldn't bring myself to face Sweetie Belle with tears in my eyes. I'm supposed to be strong and brave. I just couldn't look at her. I headed outside and bit my lip, and felt her hoof on my shoulder.

"Scootaloo..."

I took a deep breath and turned around to look at her. She stared at me with her beautiful pale green eyes, and I could feel her heart breaking beneath my own. I reached out to her, and she pulled me against her chest, her hooves tightly pressing against my back. I bit down on my tongue and buried my face in her neck. "I'm sorry, Sweetie. I didn't mean to cry. I really tried not to. I just..."

"Hey, shh. It's okay. I know I'd cry if my sister left. Apple Bloom and I will be here for you though, okay?"

I took her words in, and they only forced more tears to the surface. I'm not sure why, but I began to like the way it felt. I enjoyed the pain in my heart, and my gasps as bursts of emotion poured from my eyes. I squeezed my friend tighter and shook against her, trying to recompose myself. After a moment, I backed away, wiping my eyes and sniffling. "I'm really sorry..."

"Don't be. I'm the one who's sorry. I didn't realize you were so upset, and now I just wanna make you feel better." She looked me over with a crooked smile that made my heart flutter.

I smiled myself as I wiped more fresh tears from my cheeks. "Thanks. You're already making me feel better, but this is still really embarrassing... Mind if we go to the clubhouse where it's more private? I don't need a bunch of ponies stopping and asking if I'm okay. This is hard enough as it is."

"I totally get it. Let's go." Sweetie beamed as she led the way down the street. I looked over at my scooter which was leaning up against the Boutique, and left it behind, trotting up to my friend's side.

I never knew that it could feel so good to cry, and there was still so much left inside that I wanted to get out. The urge started slipping away as we made it to the acres and went down the familiar trail. Just seeing the clubhouse felt like a huge relief, it was so much more of a home to me than anything else in the world.

"So, you're taking this really hard, huh?" Sweetie asked me as she slumped against the wall.

"I can't help it. It's like, just as soon as I finally got the only thing in I've every really, really wanted, it's gone. I almost wish she never said she wanted to be my sister, because this just isn't fair." Guilt coursed through my veins as I said that, because I hated being so selfish, but I couldn't help it. Rainbow Dash was supposed to be my sister, and sisters have obligations!

Sweetie frowned and looked down. "Why weren't you at her send-off thing? Everypony in town was there, and I kept wondering why you didn't show up. I guessed you were upset, but you weren't at your house."

"Wait, Rainbow Dash told me to meet her at the pond to say goodbye! There was a send off? I waited at the pond for hours! I waited all day!" I bit my lip, the familiar pain returning to my chest. "She tricked me?"

"Uhm... I don't know, Scootaloo." Sweetie grimaced and trotted up to me. "I don't know what happened, but I hate seeing you like this. Is there something I can do to help?"

I just sat there, curled up, torn somewhere between anger, confusion, and sadness. I knew Rainbow leaving me would be hard, but with everything that's happened, I just don't know anything anymore.

I'm not sure how long I sat there in the clubhouse, just sobbing. I'm glad Sweetie was there with me, because I couldn't have handled it on my own. Even now I can't wrap my head around what happened, or why it did. Why would Rainbow Dash trick me? I thought we were close, and I thought she loved me. I know I love her. I love her so much, and that's why this hurts so bad. I wish I could ask her, or write to her. I don't even know how or where to begin. I can't handle this.

~Scootaloo, out

Cheerilee closed the journal and lowered her head as she thought. I remember this... I remember Scootaloo telling me about this...

She opened another file cabinet and dug through some papers, pulling out an old binder containing Scootaloo's permanent record. Flipping through the pages, Cheerilee spotted some notes she had recorded during her early unprofessional counseling sessions with her student.

Yeah. Rainbow just ditched me and disappeared. I don't really care. It's not like we ever got that close anyway. No big deal.

"Oh Scootaloo... you poor thing." Cheerilee ran a hoof through her mane and over her head. "Why'd you do it, Rainbow?"

Scootaloo lay peacefully on a soft bed, her nose gently pressed up against Silver Spoon's. The train rolled smoothly along the tracks, creating soothing white-noise as the two fillies shared a bed in their private car. The young pegasus yawned and brushed the dangling bangs from Silver Spoon's face, softly stroking her cheek and jawline.

"Hm... That tickles, Scootsy." Silver Spoon smiled and tilted her head away.

"Hey, have I ever told you how amazing I think you are?" Scootaloo whispered, the tip of her hoof trailing down the filly's chest.

Silver Spoon chuckled and shook her head. "No, I don't think you have. So just how amazing do you think I am?"

Scootaloo smiled as she kissed Silver Spoon's cheek and blushed. "I think you're the most amazing thing in the world."

"You're such a flatterer, Scootaloo. You make me so happy..." Silver Spoon leaned closer, softly rubbing her muzzle against Scootaloo's.

"I guess making you happy is what I do best these days. It's something I love doing, too." The pegasus shrugged and closed her eyes, then leaned into her friend's chest.

Silver Spoon wrapped her hooves around Scootaloo's neck and pulled her close, breathing in the distinct scent of her mane as she closed her eyes. She let herself sink into the warmth shared between their bodies, and ran her hooves down the pegasus' back.

Scootaloo let a deep breath out across the young mare's neck, sending shivers up her spine. Silver Spoon gasped and squeezed her friend more tightly. She opened her eyes and scooted down to meet her lover's gaze, their purple eyes locking as their noses brushed against one another.

"Scootaloo... What do you think it feels like to be in love?" Silver Spoon asked as she lowered her gaze and fidgeted.

The pegasus gulped and shrugged. "I don't know..."

"Hm," Silver Spoon giggled. "Maybe someday we can find out together. I think my dad is okay with you spending more time with me. He promised to give you a chance, and I know he'll like you once he gets to know how you really are."

"He told me that I had a chance to prove myself at this thing. I just hope I don't mess it up. I mean, I already know I'm going to feel really awkward in that dress you want me to wear..." Scootaloo widened her eyes and grinned.

Silver Spoon glared down at her lover and shook her head. "Nope. I don't think so, Scootaloo. You are going to dress nicely for me just this once. My dad said this is a big deal for his company, so you looking your best will be sure to impress. Trust me."

"Guh. Fine..." Scootaloo crossed her hooves and pouted.

Silver Spoon giggled and grabbed onto her friend's cheeks. "Come on now. You have to admit that you look ridiculously cute with those little bows in your mane and on your dress."

"I'll admit that I look ridiculous..."

"What can I do to make it up to you? Hmm?" The young earth pony smiled and widened her innocent, purple eyes.

Scootaloo placed a hoof to her chin and thought for a moment. "Okay. How about I get to dress you up later? Seems fair, right?"

Silver Spoon tilted her head and nodded. "Sure, but what did you have in mind?"

"Oh you'll see soon enough." The devious pegasus chuckled and swatted her friend's flank.

"Fine but you better not make me do anything stupid. Got it?" Silver stated with a stern gaze.

"Of course not. It'll be fun. Oh hey, I think we're slowing down," Scootaloo noted as she stood off the bed and helped her lover to her hooves.

Silver Spoon stretched her legs and trotted to the car's window, pulling the curtains back. Sure enough, the train was rolling through the outskirts of the majestic city. "Good, so we'll have a few hours to rest up. I hope you're ready to show off your stuff at the dance."

"Are you kidding? It's gonna be our best one yet." Scootaloo put on a cocky grin and watched the skyscrapers grow taller as they approached.

"I don't know what it is, but you're just, like, the best dancer ever or something. You make me feel dizzy and weightless, I just love it so much." Silver Spoon fluttered her lashes and let herself fall into Scootaloo's forelegs.

The pegasus lifted her friend's front hooves with her own and twirled her around, stepping back towards the bed. "Hey, remember the first time we danced together?"

Silver Spoon chuckled and began to blush. "I do. That was the best night of my life..."

"Mine too." Scootaloo dropped her smile and leaned into Silver Spoon, resting her on the bed as their muzzles brushed together yet again. Scootaloo pressed forward and tilted her head until their lips touched, then she parted her own, gently and lovingly kissing her friend.

Silver Spoon blushed and wrapped her hooves around Scootaloo's neck, pulling the little pegasus overtop of herself. She parted her lips further and became more aggressive, her heart racing and her body tingling. Scootaloo grew uneasy as small gray hooves brushed her sides and ran across her cutie mark.

Silver Spoon detected her hesitance and pulled away from the kiss, catching her breath. "Scootaloo... is there something wrong with me? I don't understand why you... why you keep doing this."

With a painful breath, Scootaloo pressed her face into Silver Spoon's chest. "You're perfect, Silver. It's me..." The pegasus cleared her throat and swallowed a clogging lump. "There's something I want to... I... I need tell you..."

Silver Spoon wrapped her forelegs around Scootaloo's neck and leaned up, taken aback by her dear friend's glistening eyes. "Of course, Scootsy. You can tell me anything."

"Forty-two buckets of oats on the wall! Forty-two buckets of oats! Take one down, pass it around. Forty-uh-forty-one buckets of oats on the wall!" Apple Bloom merrily sang from atop the bales of hay, then let out a deep, overly dramatic sigh. "I miss Sweetie Belle!"

Applejack gritted her teeth and squinted her eyes as she revved the tracker up. "Dang it Apple Bloom! Will you just be quiet for a few minutes?!"

"But I'm sooooo bored! Play a game with me Sis!" the young mare whined and let her limbs fall limp.

The older mare let out a deep sigh and shook her head. "Looky there. Just another hour or so and we'll be there, then you and Babs can play games while I go sell this... hay."

"Can she come home with us?!" Apple Bloom hopped up and leaned over the edge of the bale, staring down at her sister with wide, pleading eyes.

Applejack glanced over her shoulder with a skeptical glare. "Uh... sure, maybe. But only if her mom and sister say it's okay first."

"Yes! Thank you Sis! I promise we'll be extra good, and I'll still do all my chores, and we'll be quiet too!" Apple Bloom rolled over onto her back and placed her hooves over her heart.

"Alright, but don't be too surprised if her sister or mom says no." Applejack stared into the approaching city as she chewed on a stick of wheat.

"Hmm." Apple Bloom shrugged absentmindedly as she stared into the deep blue sky, watching clouds drift by overhead while she imagined the next week or two of her life with Babs.

Cheerilee rested her check on her desk as she tapped the polished wooden surface with the tip of her hoof. Thoughts of the approaching party at the library flooded her mind.

What would Scootaloo think if I saw Rainbow Dash when she wasn't able to... What would I say to Rainbow anyway? What would I do if I saw her now. I can't even... Cheerilee pressed her hooves against her face and scoffed. I'm overthinking this... It's just a little welcome-home party and I'm invited. May as well talk to her while I have the chance.

The clock ticked away, and with a deep huff, she stood off her chair and dragged her hooves to the door. A nervous pit sat in her stomach as she locked her office door and headed out into the cool evening air. It was a short walk across town to the library, and as she approached the typically quiet building, she heard muffled music permeating the oak tree walls.

"Take it easy... don't approach her, and don't provoke her." Cheerilee took several deep breaths, then knocked on the library door.

Twilight Sparkle soon answered and tilted her head with a smile. "Oh, glad you could make it. Come on in and say hi to everypony."

Cheerilee swallowed her disdain and stepped inside, forcing a smile. She glanced around at the many familiar towns ponies, but her gaze found itself fixed on a single target, and her stomach boiled with a volatile concoction of mixed emotions. Rainbow Dash stood with a smug grin and a cocky pose in the center of the room sporting her Wonderbolts uniform. Other ponies gathered around her as she puffed her chest out and carried on.

Cheerilee rolled her eyes and trotted past the crowd to the other side of the room, her gaze fixed on Rainbow Dash as she went. Twilight Sparkle followed her with a crooked smirk.

"Everything alright? You look a little... tense," she asked, chuckling under her breath.

"I'm fine. So how long will she be staying?" Cheerilee asked as she pulled her eyes away from the pegasus.

Twilight shrugged and tilted her head. "I think just for the weekend, or maybe just tonight and tomorrow. Why do you ask? For Scootaloo?"

Cheerilee nodded and sighed. "Yes, because she isn't here right now. She went on a trip to Manehattan with her friends this early this morning, and don't think she knew Rainbow was going to be back in town. It's a shame that she can't stay longer."

"Well, you know. Wonderbolts business and all. I don't understand why she has to leave for such a long amount of time either, but I have to be supportive of her. She's my friend and this is her dream. I'm sure she misses us just as much as we miss her," Twilight said, nodding confidently as she turned away. "I'm going to go mingle a bit. You should say hi too."

Cheerilee flattened her ears as Twilight Sparkle left her sight. She glanced over at a table with adult beverages lining it, and found her source of courage. The teacher took a deep breath as she looked over the drinks, grabbing a plastic cup and filling it with straight Neighgermeister. She sipped on the liquor, cringing as it slid down her throat.

With a tingling rush flooding her head, she stepped towards Rainbow Dash. "Hey, Dash. Mind if I talk to you in private later?"

"Later, sure. Kinda busy right now though." The pegasus nodded towards her friends, who all stood around her, laughing and talking.

Cheerilee raised her eyebrows and took another generous swig of her drink, turning away. "Too busy, huh? I'll be over here."

Rainbow Dash watched the dark pink pony stepping away, wiggling her flank as she trotted. Twilight Sparkle followed Rainbow's gaze and stepped in between. "So Dash, how long are you planning to stay in Ponyville?"

Cheerilee's ears perked up as she stayed facing away and sipping on her drink.

"I gotta head back to Canterlot tomorrow afternoon," Rainbow Dash answered, lowering her eyes. "What's with Cheerilee?"

Twilight blushed and giggled, and empty plastic cup floating in her magical aura. "What do you mean? Nah, ignore her. So when will you be coming back for good, or for an extended period, I mean?"

"I don't know. Hold on." Rainbow trotted around Twilight and made her way across the room, her other friends each looking to each other and shrugging as the pegasus stomped off and tapped Cheerilee's shoulder with some force. "What's your deal? You're giving me dirty looks and acting all snarky."

Cheerilee downed the remainder of her cup and stood wobbly on her hooves. "What's my deal? Nothin'. What's yours? Have you gone and forgotten yourself now that you're some kind of big shot?"

"What are you talking about?" Rainbow Dash snarled and looked away, her uniform gleaming.

"You crushed Scootaloo in every way chasing your dream. I hope it was worth it, because that filly has suffered for it. She's suffered and paid a lot more for that uniform than you have, and what does she have to show for it? Loneliness? Confusion? Tears? You make me sick, Dash. I never should have come here." Cheerilee tossed her cup onto the floor and stomped on it, looking the pegasus up and down with narrowed eyes before stepping towards the door.

Rainbow Dash took deep breaths and watched Cheerilee exit the library. As Twilight placed a hoof on her shoulder, the pegasus smacked it away and stomped towards the exit as well. She pressed through the door and stepped outside, spotting Cheerilee stumbling down the street. With boiling rage in her chest, she took flight and soared up to the mare, landing in front of her with a fearsome pose.

Cheerilee flinched and steeled herself, as wobbly as she was. "What?"

"What's wrong with you? What do you think I did to Scootaloo? It doesn't make any sense! She seemed happy to me last time I checked, and she seemed to like you better than me anyway." Rainbow Dash spat on the ground and stiffened her shoulders. "Why are you trying to make me feel bad about all of this? Everypony else seems to be fine."

"Rainbow, you... you... Ugh!" Cheerilee shook her head and stomped around the pegasus. "I can't deal with you right now. Just go have fun. Scootaloo's better off not knowing you ever came around."

The pegasus looked down at her front legs being adorned by her prestigious suit as Cheerilee walked out of sight, and she gritted her teeth, squeezing her eyes shut. "Scootaloo's fine..." she muttered aloud. "This is stupid... I didn't do anything wrong."

The pegasus turned away, then slowly made her way back to the party. She reached the library door and reentered her party with a wide, forced smile. "Hey guys. Sorry about that. I was gonna go set Cheerilee straight, but she isn't worth my time. I'm here to have fun, not argue, right?"

Twilight Sparkle nodded and trotted up to her. "That's right, so let's get back to it."

Cheerilee trudged into her home, pulling the door shut behind herself and stumbling over to her couch. She fell onto her back and sank into her cushions, staring up at the ceiling and losing herself in thought. She pictured a young, innocent Scootaloo laughing and playing, her bright, carefree purple eyes full of love and hope. Then she began to picture the eyes of the broken young mare she spoke with earlier that same day, so full of doubt and sorrow, and how she lit up at the simplest act of kindness.

"I'm here for you now..." Cheerilee closed her eyes and smiled, dizziness taking her mind. "I love you, Scootaloo."

Author's Notes:

Here's an update. I'm guessing it's full of typos, but I'm hoping you can enjoy it despite those. I'm sorry to have kept you guys waiting! Be sure to comment and let me know what you think! Feel free to send me any typos you find via PM, and I'll fix them, but please don't make a point of it. I don't care about typos in stories, and would prefer if you were able to simply read over them and enjoy the story for what it's worth.

Thanks again, and don't be shy. Comment comment comment! Remember that I'm entirely comment driven! Feedback is my greatest motivator.