The Underworld. A pit deep in the center of existence that burns with the hellfire of billions of damned souls. Here they get tortured, punished for their crimes on the mortal plane. Their souls shall suffer for all of eternity in this dank hole of sin, properly called Tartarus, with no hope or chance of redemption. A pitiful fate for even the most heinous of villains. And of course, the biggest villain of them all runs the place.

"Will you two SHUT UP?" Hades, Lord of Death yelled, his normally pale blueish gray skin turning a crimson red and his blue flamed hair bursting into a hot yellow inferno. The two in question for that order, Pain and Panic, properly cowered before their master.

"So sorry, master! Please don't boil us in oil!" Pain cried, his bulbous, short body jiggling in fear.

"Or pour scorpions down our throats!" Panic added in, his thin body shaking like a tree in a hurricane.

"Or throw us in a lava pit!"

"Or have our eyes plucked out by harpies!"

"Or have an ensemble of demons bludgeon us with rubber chickens!"

"Or—"

"DID YOU NOT HEAR ME THE FIRST TIME? SHUT UP!" Hades bellowed with an inferno blasting off his body, the entire Underworld rumbling from the power of his voice. Both of his minions promptly fell silent; Panic huddled in Pain's arms as the two discreetly backed away.

Hades sighed and fell in the seat of his throne, his raging red skin and yellow flames dying down to their normal blue and gray hues. Rubbing the bridge of his brow, he thought back on why he was living such a miserable existence. Okay, so his plans to take over Olympus failed... yet again. So did his plans to kill that damn hero, Hercules. Their last showdown resulted in him being thrown into the River Styx. That was not a pleasant experience. Took him forever to drag himself out of that, and now he was just doing his job of ruling the Underworld.

"And I'm so bored," Hades said, finishing his own thoughts. "Nothing to do but torture souls. And make insidious plans." Hades did indeed have a couple of new ideas for his comeback to Olympus and his eventual ruling of it, but none of them especially tickled his fancy. What he needed was a grand, spectacular plan. Though, releasing the Titans last time was going to be hard to beat.

Deciding that maybe some food could help him think, he got out of his throne and made his way to his refrigerator. While he didn't need food to survive because of his god status, the taste of mortal delicacies was always a nice treat. Opening it, he started moving the assorted foodstuff in search for something appealing. "Pickles? Nah. Let's see... ugh, how long has this cheese been here?" He inspected the green monstrosity in his fingers, the dairy product wiggling and moving as if it was alive. Which it probably was at this point.

"Nope," he said, tossing the cheese over his shoulder as he dug deeper in the fridge. "Week old Chinese food? Not going to happen. Potato salad? Not one this color." He continued his search until he'd thrown out practically all the contents of his fridge, most of the discarded food crawling or slithering away.

"Why is there nothing to eat?" he yelled, furious he couldn't even enjoy a bite of food. "And where's my pudding cups? I specifically remember getting some only a week ago!"

A slight cough from his left brought his gaze to Pain and Panic, both who were whistling innocently with their hands behind their backs. If they weren't imps, a halo could have appeared above their heads.

Crossing his arms, he approached the duo, his robe trailing smoke as he moved toward them without taking a step. Towering over the short, fat Pain and the thin, long-nosed Panic, he leaned forward and said, "What happened to my pudding cups?"

Both imps nearly shook out of their skin (which had happened on occasion), both too terrified out of their minds to speak. It was Panic who finally broke their silence by pointing a twig-like arm at Pain. "He did it! I mean, look at him! He's so fat he probably ate all of them!"

The fat one being accused leapt back and pointed his own finger at Panic. "That is a lie! It was obviously him! His mouth is big enough to swallow an entire sea of pudding!"

Panic's pointy nose poked Pain's face as he brought his eyeballs close to Pain's. "Says you, fatso!"

Pain returned the stare and leaned even closer, their eyeballs practically fondling each other. "Says you, bigmouth!"

"Lard butt!"

"Pencil nose!"

"Potbelly!"

"Twig boy!"

Hades grabbed the pair by their necks, their eyeballs nearly popping out of their heads as their throats were squeezed like wet sponges. “Listen, I don't care who ate my pudding cups. I really don't. Whoever admits to doing it gets off scot-free, okay?" Hades said to the pair, giving the duo a devious, sharp-toothed grin. He loosened his grip on their necks so that they may speak.

Glancing at each other for a moment in frantic terror, they yelled, "We both did it!"

Hades nodded his head. "Thought so." He then began to twist their necks and bodies together, the pair of imps now resembling a pretzel. "Hey Cerberus, who wants a treat?" he called to the guard dog. The demonic three-headed canine brought his attention from guarding the entrance to the Underworld to the new toy presented before him.

All three of the dog's heads barked happily as Hades threw his new chew toy to him. “You said we'd get off scot-free!" Pain and Panic yelled just before the maw of teeth devoured them.

"I lied!" he laughed, enjoying the sounds of their screams as Cerberus tore them apart. They'd be fine afterward, but to hear their shrieks of pain always put a smile on the Lord of Death's face. Walking past Cerberus and his new toy, he sauntered his way through Tartarus, taking in the sights. Maybe he’d even go out to buy some groceries. And pudding cups.

The lava pits were burning nicely, the wicked being pushed deeper in the magma by the pitchforks of some worker demons. At the hills he could watch souls push a large boulder up a hill everyday only for it to fall to the bottom once it was reached the top, the process beginning anew once again. Then there was the River Styx...

Hades chose to avoid that section of the Underworld. After his previous visit there, resulting in that hero Hercules punching him into the vortex, he didn't even go near it. The icy pull of millions of souls dragging him beneath the surface was a really unpleasant incident, even for the Lord of Death himself. It took an eternity to pull himself out, and he spent another eternity beating the crap out of Pain and Panic for leaving him there.

He neared the edge of the Underworld now, the border marked by the River Styx. He briefly considered going back to Greece, but threw that plan out. "Like I'd want to return to those ingrates. When I make my grand arrival, all of Olympus will tremble before my might!" Hades shouted, his arms spread wide as he did the stereotypical villain laugh. He stopped when he realized no one was around and he was laughing like a maniac all by himself. Oh yeah, he had left Pain and Panic with Cerberus.

His expression turned somber and he slouched forward as he floated above the river and crossed it, the pained cries of souls in agony beneath him comforting him slightly. The edge of the River Styx appeared close, and Hades wondered what world he would appear in this time. He was the Lord of Death for all of existence, meaning he had quite the vicinity of death to cover. And since he wasn't returning to Greece, whatever world on the other side would be completely random. "Hope they at least have pudding," Hades muttered.

He set his foot on the other side of the river, his body passing the glowing force field of light that marks the entrance to the living world. Stepping onto the mortal plane once more, Hades cracked his neck and knuckles, shouting, "Oh yeah, baby! It's good to be back!"

He walked toward the cave exit, the light at the end showing this world's time was somewhere in the afternoon to early evening range. He never really bothered to know the time in the Underworld, since it was always dark with no way to discern the days, months, eons. Finally reaching the light and flinching at its brightness, Hades entered this new world.

It was... sunny. And happy looking. There was a field of flowers growing nearby, the breeze causing petals to float through the air. A grassy meadow spread out before him, with a small orchard nearby filled to the brim with ripe fruit. The sky was a rich blue, not a cloud in the sky. "The hell type of sunny-fun nightmare did I come into?" Hades asked himself, the contrast of the Underworld with... this world a major turn off.

A couple of birds tweeted nearby and landed on his shoulders. A few seconds later they fell to the ground, crispy and charred black. "Well, I do need groceries," Hades said, a small basket in the shape of a skull appearing in his hand, summoned by his powers. Straining his eyes, he spotted smoke in the distance. "Ah, a town! They must have food!" And with that the God of the Underworld drifted toward the small town, a trail of smoke coming off his robe following him.

"Ugh, Twilight, how much longer?" Spike complained, the small purple dragon lugging a small pack on his back.

"I answered that only five seconds ago," Twilight reminded him, the mare carrying a saddle filled to the brim with supplies. "Right after we get one last item at the market."

"But I thought we already got everything?" Spike asked her.

"Not everything. Once we get some eggs, we'll go back to the library. Think you can handle that?" she asked, a small smile on her lips daring him to answer differently.

Grumbling under his breath and shifting his pack in a more comfortable position on his back, he answered, "Fine."

Grinning in triumph, the pair made their way to the market to get eggs, the unicorn enjoying the stroll as her assistant silently pouted. Twilight was in such a happy mood she didn't even notice the ponies running away in fear all around her. Or the ones who screamed in shock. Or even one particular mare that kept on shouting, "Run, run for your lives! All hope is lost!" Nope, Twilight was thoroughly enjoying this stroll to the market all right.

Unfortunately for her, she bumped into a tall figure in her way when she wasn't paying attention, falling to her rump while Spike crashed into her back. Rubbing her head, she said, "Oh, sorry about that. I didn't see—" But her sentence was cut off when she brought her attention to the stranger she had walked into.

He was a tall, bipedal creature with large muscles. She guessed it was a he, just by facial features alone. A long chin, pointy nose, furrowed brow, and a mouth filled with razor sharp teeth. And strangely enough, his head was on fire. It's like all his hair had been replaced with blue flames. His skin was a strange hue of light grayish blue, and his robes developed into smoke at the bottom.

Hades examined the creature that had bumped into him. The moment he had entered the town they all ran in fright, so he didn't really get a good look at them. It was a small... horse thingy. A unicorn by the looks of it. That itself wasn't quite strange, since Hades had seen plenty of unicorns in his existence. But this one was purple, had the strangest hair color and style he had ever seen, and it was hyperventilating.

Shaking in her hooves, Twilight squeaked, "—you."

So, they can talk, huh? And it was apparently a female, or a really effeminate male. Tapping his elongated chin with a sharp finger in thought, he leaned forward with a wicked smile on his face as his hand extended forward. "Name's Hades, Lord of the Dead. Hi, how ya doin'?"

Author's Notes:

And here's a dramatic reading of the first chapter made by these two hilarious dudes, RazortheAwesome and DaedaltheusXIV.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5IukQUWgyy0