Nix came to on something soft and warm, and slowly opened his eyes. He was in a dark blue room, face down on a black cloth pallet filled with what felt like feathers. He flopped over on his back and his breath caught. The ceiling was a mirror of the night sky, billions of flickering stars winking happily at him. His home had one leaking streak through its darkness, a single arm of the spiral galaxy in which it was situated. This starry visage had several arcing through its purple depths. Nearby galaxies were clearly visible in their myriad forms, breaking up the countless glowing pinpricks with spiral patterns and discs and shapes of all manner. A particularly large nebula grew from the edge of the ceiling to the left, an immobile blossom of luminescent oranges and greens and blues, parent to sudden flashes of light within it that signalled the birth of new stars.

To take it all in at once...he felt like he was in the Void again, gawking dumbly at an infinite number of realities shortly before one drew him in. It was beautiful, painfully beautiful. He didn’t even care that it wasn’t remotely familiar. An awed sigh escaped his lips.

“I agree,” a tender voice uttered to his right. He snapped his head towards the sound. “It’s my sister’s ‘work-in-progress’ wall,” the white alicorn sitting nearby stated simply. “She finds it soothing to lie back on her bed and look into her ‘sky’ as she works.” Nix couldn’t help but notice the obsidian black bars between himself and the Princess of the Sun. A quick scan of the rest of his surroundings confirmed his suspicions; he was in a black cage in one corner of what was clearly Luna’s bedroom. There was an oversized birdbath—glazed in black—in one corner of his ‘cell’. He wheezed out a chuckle.

“Very fuckin’ funny, Tia.” Nix immediately began relieving an itch between his legs.

“Luna thought so as well,” Celestia replied evenly, sitting on a cushion near the cage before calmly levitating a teacup off of the deep blue table next to her.

Nix hopped off the bed and stalked to the edge of the bars. Sun Butt’s tea set was just out of reach. He gave her a flat look, which she reciprocated. “Sun,” he said dully, and one of the tea cups on the platter levitated to his hand even as Celestia let out a small hiss of frustration, her horn glowing as it corrected the course of her sun on the far side of the planet.

“I really wish you wouldn’t do that,” she said, taking a measured sip from her cup.

“I really wish your coffee didn’t taste like liquid meth,” the human responded with a retaliatory sip. So much of his available power had gone into his ill-sighted jump that it had reset his healing suppression against imbibed beverages. He’d have to remember to calibrate the parameters of his regeneration before he tried getting drunk, again. Rather than kill him, the princess coffee merely made him slightly more alert.

“Well, not all us Millennials have the benefit of sleeping most of the time.” Another sip.

Nix’s teacup paused halfway to his mouth, and he bit his cheek before saying, “Right. How long was I out?”

“Oh, about twenty hours or so,” Celestia replied, swirling her tea cup with her magic.

“Well, that’s a relief. Considering I was worse off than that time I blew off my own arm, I’m getting a little better at this place.”

Tia raised an eyebrow questioningly. “Luna made no mention of you being injured.”

“Well, according to Sparky, Luna thought she had messed up a spell. I doubt she would have taken it well had I shown up missing half my body, so I prioritized the transmutation of my visible exterior. Having most of my liver in my left foot was...not a pleasant experience.”

“Hmm, I doubt not,” Celestia said, her nonchalance suggesting they could be discussing the weather instead of severe physical disfigurement.

“Not as bad as getting completely vaporized, though. That shit hurts. Hate it when that happens to me.”

Celestia arched her brows in mild surprise. “You can survive even that?”

“I’ve had every atom in my body ripped apart into subatomic particles, and then those ripped apart until there was effectively no physical trace that I existed. My lifeforce isn’t corporeal and can’t be attacked directly, so it merely forces the reconstitution of my body from surrounding matter, or by converting its vast energy into matter if there is none on hand.” Nix paused. “I can’t die. Trust me, I’ve tried.” He took another sip out of the cup, emptying it. He frowned at it, and tossed it over his shoulder before falling back onto the feather pallet in his cage. “Honestly, though, this is all a bit dark, and I’m in a pretty good mood. Although I could use a nice nap, I suppose.”

“Again with the sleeping,” Celestia said with a tut, refilling her cup.

“Not sure how it works for ponies, but with my kind sleep keeps us sane. Normally my lifeforce heals psychological rifts, or else the constant battering of random old memories against my consciousness would make me schizophrenic. But I don’t have the full use of my power, yet, and when you’ve lived ten times longer than you should have, the random memories start to pile on and you start to sleep more. A lot more. The first century, I didn’t need to sleep at all, really. Now, even without getting injured and at full power, I probably sleep more than I did before I gained my powers. Do you not have the same problem?”

“Hmm, no,” she replied, but there was a pregnant pause. “Not really, anyway. I still recall everything with almost perfect clarity. But I am more tired than I used to be.” Celestia thought for a few moments before shaking her head, banishing her revery. “Between having my latest Guard-Captain placed in a mental institution-”

“Good, fuck him,” Nix interrupted. Celestia scowled at him. “What? You should have heard some of the shit he was telling Dancie. Fucker would do well to choke on some humble pie for a bit-”

“He was terrified, Nix. His guards found him in a pool of his own urine.” The human started snickering. The princess’s eyes narrowed. “It isn’t funny. You have again put me in a difficult position. As both Glancing Shock and Night-Captain Moon Glade are off in Manehattan attempting to locate...you, I’ve had to request the previous Captain, Shining Armor, back to Canterlot to run the guard in their absence. Which of course meant you would reappear in my sister’s bedchambers an hour before his train arrived, making my request ultimately pointless. I find myself yet again tending to the dangerous mischief of a certain biped rather than the task of governing my own nation.” She spoke in a measured tone, but something in the look she was giving Nix made him cautious. So of course, he decided to open his mouth anyway.

“You mean you and your sister’s nation?” He failed to conceal his grin when her eyes widened, breaking her carefully held mask of neutrality. In that he didn’t try to conceal his amusement at all.

“Luna, she…” Celestia paused, examining a restless forehoof as it languidly pawed at the dark blue floor of Princess Luna’s bedchamber. “She is...not well-suited to the task of managing the nobility in a manner that benefits all ponies.”

“But, Luna and Celestia, Diarchs of Equestria?” the human prodded.

“A thousand years ago, she performed certain functions that were necessary at the time, but have since fallen out of favor…”

“And a thousand years from now, you might get to the point,” Nix stated bluntly.

Celestia drew herself up and spread her wings, casting an imposing pale figure that contrasted with the blues and blacks of her surroundings, and stared down at the human. “War. Subterfuge. Interrogation.”

“So the kindly equine princess that liked to nurse small animals back to health in her younger years became the Goddess of War, Death, and Information.” Nix rolled his eyes. Celestia continued looming over him, staring coldly through the black metal bars of his cage. After a few moments, she sighed and sat, tucking her wings a bit too quickly at her sides, and broke the human’s gaze.

“We’ve both had to make certain sacrifices over the years. She has her place in this new land she returned to, Nix. Even if she hasn’t quite found it yet. But after a thousand years, and as tired as I am, sometimes even I forget that it’s not just me looking out for my little ponies.” She paused and her features hardened. “Though I suppose I’m probably more exhausted from dealing with all the damn bureaucrats than I am from living alone for so long.”

Nix stared at her, not even attempting to conceal his shock. “That is no way for a princess to talk, m’lady! The serfs would be scandalized to hear their sun goddess utilize such barbarous language!”

The alicorn snorted and levitated her crown off her head and through the black bars. It settled gently on Nix’s brow. “Being a princess gets old after a while. You can be princess for a while.”

Nix sniffled and regarded Celestia with stark sobriety. “I always wanted to be a princess,” he said, voice wavering. “I feel,” he said hoarsely, glancing upwards at the tiara that graced his forehead, “I feel so pretty, now.”

The two stared at each other for a few seconds before they both broke down, their giggles quickly turning into wheezing peals of exhausted laughter.

“You,” Nix breathed out in between his guffawing fits, “you...made me giggle. Bitch!”

“You,” Celestia managed between her amused chortles, “you...pretty?” Her white chest heaved, trying to catch her breath in between laughs. “Oh, goodness,” she chuckled, “my stomach is going to be so sore tomorrow.” Her mirth was was interrupted when she realized the human had gone silent and was staring at her with a hurt look on his face.

He looked to the side, drawing his legs up and hugging his knees as he pointedly avoided her eyes. “I’m pretty,” he muttered sullenly.

She suddenly felt a heavy weight in her chest, and her voice took on a grave, sympathetic tone as she said, “I...yes, of course you are, Nix. I didn’t mean-”

Nix collapsed to the floor, laughing twice as hard. Celestia’s eyes narrowed. “Oh, the hairless ape is just so funny.”

“You...haha...I can’t...ha...believe you just called...me ugly!” He clutched desperately at his heaving sides. “You...you fucking bitch!”

Eventually their laughter waned to restrained chuckles, and then only when they met each other’s eyes. Nix finally sat up and reached inside his duster, producing a white and red box. He scowled when he opened it. “Aww, this sucks.” His eyes flitted towards Celestia’s. She arched an eyebrow. “Sorry, Tia. Sun,” he warned. She rolled her eyes and her horn lit up, holding the sun steady in its trajectory. A few seconds later, an area next to the human seemed to waver before a long box popped into the air and clattered to the ground. He gave her a sheepish smile. “Okay, all good.”

“Yes, ‘good’,” the princess responded drily.

“Look, I’ll talk to Sparky about it. For some reason, it only happens when I try to play with gravity-”

“Or just break existence in general,” Celestia interrupted coolly. Nix grimaced.

“Look, I didn’t mean-”

Celestia’s soft giggles interrupted him. He hoped his flat stare through the obsidian bars of his bird cage were punishment enough when she managed to stifle her snickers. He plucked a pack of smokes from the carton he had summoned, opened it, and dragged out a cigarette. He summoned a small fireball to light his smoke, the tiara on his head glinting in the blue light of its flames.

“It’s fine, Nix,” she told him. “The closest it came to actual disaster was in Cloudsdale. None of the pegasi were asleep, yet. After a certain incident a few years ago, pegasi young that can’t fly adequately are housed on the ground until they can. As miraculous as it sounds, nopony was injured during your...fit.”

The tip of Nix’s smoke flared brightly for a moment. He drew the cigarette away from his face and blew a cloud of smoke to the side, towards the balcony that opened up to the night proper. “But?” he asked questioningly.

“Both the griffons and the dragons are asking questions,” she said. “The morning after your rescue of Ridge Dancer, I spent the day assuaging the fears of the Griffon Republic.”

“Griffons? As in the flying sort?”

“Yes. And no, there were, somehow, no casualties among their citizens.” Celestia noted the human’s muted sigh of relief. “Nor among the dragons. However, both nations have...requested further deliberations to assess the nature of the danger. To assess your nature.”

“Well, that should be easy enough for ‘em,” Nix said, puffing on his smoke and staring into the starry ceiling. “‘This alien is a total jerk, but we can’t do shit about it, so we’ll defer to the freakishly powerful pony goddess that controls our sun for us.’”

“How glad I am that I am deemed the de-facto steward over yet another catastrophe.” Celestia smiled thinly. “I must be doing something right for them to all have such faith.”

Nix glanced at her as she took another measured sip of her coffee, her gaze blank as the inky blackness of her drink absorbed her full, quiet attention. Her cup tinkled softly as it settled back on its platter, but she never broke from her silent ruminations as she stared into its depths.

The human cleared his throat, distracting Celestia from her death-coffee and drawing her gaze. He tapped the tiara on his head impatiently. “I do believe that I am now the princess, and you are just a regular pony I’ve allowed to attend to me. In my gilded cage.”

Celestia’s wan smile dropped, replaced with a neutral, guarded expression. “Oh?” she asked.

“Indeed,” Nix continued, taking a final drag off his cigarette before he flicked the butt through the bars. It erupted in flame and evaporated in a puff of smoke before hitting the ground, and he sat up to face the alicorn as he began to stroke his chin thoughtfully. “Perhaps it is best if this ‘Griffon Republic’ doesn’t think of the dangerous alien as a jerk, but rather a monster on a short leash?”

Celestia snorted. “Not to undermine my...princess’s...judgment, but I hardly think of this ‘alien’ as a monster.”

“Oh?” Nix lilted sarcastically.

“More of a pet—a hatchling chick, maybe—that needs to be housebroken. Or reality-broken, as it were.” She smiled wryly.

The door to the room opened, spilling a garish orange light into the soothing midnight blues of Luna’s chambers from the doorway, a dark figure silhouetted in its intruding luminescence. “Whereas we believe training pets to avoid reality-breaking the best course of action.” The door clicked behind the midnight blue alicorn as she walked calmly forward, banishing the harsh orange glare and returning the room to its soft, twilight glow. “Do you not agree, Sister?” Luna asked as she drew up beside the white alicorn, levitating a cup of coffee from the platter and taking a sip. She immediately grimaced, swallowing with a reluctant gulp. “How dost thou even imbibe such a bitter brew, Tia?”

“Centuries of practice, Lulu.”

“And a repressed gag reflex,” Nix suggested helpfully.

“That, too,” Celestia affirmed blandly.

“From sucking so much-” the human continued before a dark blue pillow enveloped in a bright yellow glow slammed into his face, knocking him back onto the soft black pallet in the corner of his cage. He growled as he dug the pillow off his face, coughing out a few dark blue feathers insodoing, before glaring at the openly amused white alicorn. “You. Me. A carrot garden.”

Celestia’s smile widened. “Well, I suppose a picnic date every century or so isn’t outside of my means.” The beginnings of a smirk began forming on Luna’s lips.

“Fuck that. You’re going down, Sun Butt.”

Celestia sauntered towards the the cage, her eyes suddenly drooping as her head leaned through the obsidian bars. “Well, I imagine I would. As a Diarch of Equestria, I’d be remiss if I didn’t make use of all of my...talents.” Luna couldn’t hold back her snickering at Nix’s horrified look.

“From his memories,” Luna said between giggles, “we think it safe to conclude that the ape’s next words will be, ‘Fuck that. You’re going down so hard.’”

“Hmm,” Celestia growled throatily, her eyes narrowing as she leered at the human. “I certainly will be.”

A look of revulsion flashed across Nix’s features before his expression deadened. “Oh, ha, ha. Congratulations, you’ve weirded out the alien.” He plucked the tiara off his head and tossed it at Celestia. She caught it in a glow of yellow magic and settled it on her brow, adjusting it until it was comfortable. “You can be princess again. A lot less awkward that way.”

The white alicorn drew herself up in a regal stature, regarding the human coolly. “Very well, Nix. I shall be the Princess again.” With a small smirk, she winked at him. “Your princess.”

Nix merely stared at her dully, trying to piece his broken brain together. After a few seconds, Luna burst into a fit of giggles, followed shortly by the melodious laughter of Celestia as she broke his gaze and pressed a hoof to her chest. Luna’s laughter was hitching with occasional snorts when she said, “We think the ape took you a bit too seriously, sister.”

“Indeed, Lulu. Perhaps an apology is in order?”

“Nay, sister.” Luna grinned at the human, whose frown had slowly deepened as he reached for another cigarette. “‘Tis justice that Nix be as broken as the reality he almost destroyed, we believe.”

“Fuck the both of you,” Nix said in monotone, levitating a small fireball to light his smoke. “Jesus Fuck, I hate gods,” he muttered. “Always so bored off their damn asses they can do nothing but toy with others.”

“Oh, please, Nix,” Celestia said, a bit of glib warmth lingering in her voice from her laughter. “Surely you wouldn’t disabuse a couple of old mares a bit of innocent fun every once in a while. Not all gods are evil, you know.”

“Nah, fuck gods.” The lit tip of his cigarette danced as he spoke, sitting on the edge of the black pallet with his forearms resting on his knees. He plucked the smoke from his mouth. “Really, really can’t stand ‘em.”

“And what of Goddesses?” Luna asked, tilting her head.

“Not much difference between the two, if you ask me,” Nix replied. “Although I do tend to tolerate goddesses that are hot more than the others.”

“Oh?” The lunar princess focused on the human with an intensity he found discomforting. “And are we ‘hot’?”

Nix burst out laughing, spilling his cigarette onto the black marble floor and erupting into a fit of coughing, expelling smoke from his lungs violently. He hammered his chest with his fist before meeting Lu’s questioning gaze. “Fuck, no, Horseface.”

“Is that so?” she replied huskily, her eyes half-lidded. She sashayed closer to the bars slowly, her hips swaying hypnotically as she locked her eyes with the human’s. “My sister and I are paragons of pony beauty, after all.” She paused right before the bars to his cage. “Can you really say you disagree?” she breathed out in a low whisper.

Nix collapsed onto the floor, cackling wildly. “You...You just…” his words were lost in his mad laughter for a time, before he finally regained control. “Unless those- snkkkt! -unless those hips of yours can swing wide enough to smash that snout on your face, I-” The human lost himself to a fit of giggles again.

Luna pouted, her gaze suddenly focused on a few motes of dust at her feet. Nix fought off the urge to tell her she looked fucking adorable like that. This was war, after all.

“Well, as...fun as this has all been, I do believe it is time for some sleep,” Celestia said, her gaze flicking between the grinning human and her withdrawn sister.

“You can sleep after drinking all that crap?” Nix asked, quickly muttering, “Fuckin’ weird ponies.”

“I can, Nix,” Celestia replied, walking towards the door. She paused at the threshold and turned her head back, regarding him calmly. “Staying awake is the hard part.” She smiled sweetly at him. “The next time you misbehave, I’ll have no choice but to remove Ridge Dancer from the Royal Guard. Good night, you two,” she said as she closed the door behind her, the room again embracing its gentle blue lunar light. An awkward silence fell between the remaining two. Luna seemed to be avoiding the human’s glowing blue eyes.

“Your sister’s a bitch,” Nix finally offered. Silence reigned still, though the human thought he glimpsed a flash of anger in the night princess’s blue eyes. “I should really be getting back...you know, before I do something that makes your sister ruin the life of an innocent pony.” Luna flinched slightly, but quickly erected her stoic composure. She found an interesting constellation on the wall to study. Nix rubbed his jaw, pretending he didn’t see her pensive frown in the vanity mirror across from his cage. “Can I ask you a favor?”

Luna’s head whipped around and her mouth formed a grin a little too quickly. “Of course, Nix. We would help thee with any task thou required of us!”

“Uh...weird speech.”

Luna’s head drooped. “Sorry…”

“Nah, it’s fine, Moon Butt. Just wanted to see if you could send a letter to the girls asking them to gather in the library tomorrow morning. Got something I need to talk to them about.”

“‘Tis my sister that possesses the link with the dragon Spike, though we shall pose thy query when she first wakes, Nix.” She smiled brightly at him through the black bars.

“Uh, one other thing?”

“Of course!” she nearly shouted, nodding. She opened the gate to his ‘cage’ and trotted towards him.

“Teleport me back?” he asked. She nearly tripped over herself as she halted in place.

“I- Certainly, Nix,” she replied calmly. She pawed at the ground for a second. “But first, with thy permission, we would ask of thee a small favor. We know of a spell that might make thy time here less unfavorable, if thee simply allows us to sate our curiosity.” Her voice petered out with every word, and ended in a bare murmur.

“Tit for tat, I get it. I’m used to dealing with gods, remember?” Nix said with a dismissive wave of his hand.

“‘Tis not as you say-” Luna started.

“Just get it over with, Lu,” the human said, aggravation tinting his voice. “Hopefully your curiosity doesn’t destroy a chunk of your own castle this time,” he grumbled out in a rush.

The alicorn ignored his comment and approached, pressing the tip of her horn to his forehead. She readjusted her position after he flinched, and her horn began to glow. He felt waves of ice and fire tearing through his body, and was suddently cognizant of every cell as they all squirmed under the intrusion of the magical force that flowed through him. It lasted less then a second, then subsided.

“Lu, what the fuck was-” He was interrupted by a blue hoof shushing him. Shooting the human a chiding glare, Luna closed her eyes to focus as a blue glow enveloped her horn. The aura of her magic extended from her horn and surrounded her entire body, its cornflower blue brightening with each passing second until Nix could only perceive a vaguely pony-shaped vessel of brilliant, blinding white light before him. A violent flash of light made the human bring his hand up to shield his eyes as a shrill, keening tone assaulted his ears before immediately cutting off. Nix blinked, trying to clear the spots from his eyes. He dropped his arm.

“Lu, what the-” A pale-skinned index finger pressed into his lips. His eyes flitted across the unblemished, peach flesh of a woman, wrapped in translucent blue sheets of silken cloth, before he met a pair of bright, ocean-blue irises.

“Well, what do you think?” Luna’s voice asked cautiously. Nix’s eyes focused on something a thousand light-years away, and the transformed Lunar Princess’s query went unanswered for seconds, for moments, for eternity. Nix was vaguely aware of her blonde eyebrows furrowing in concern, but something tugged at him from deep in his mind, and the world around him seemed to darken, leaving only the woman’s cerulean eyes as twinkling, glistening stars amidst the cascading blackness of the encroaching night.

“Well?” she asked again, her voice wavering almost imperceptibly.

The darkness drowned out the light of her eyes as Nix’s consciousness faded, succumbing to the morose onslaught of his rudely insistent past.

“What the Hell were you thinking?!”

Oh, great, she was yelling at him again. Nix sighed and rolled his eyes, taking in the small, darkened clearing in the pine forest before settling on the nagging bitch in front of him. The goddess frowned up at him, jabbing an accusatory finger into the Kevlar barding of his chest. Her normally wavy, golden hair was pulled back in a tight bun, and her gorgeous blue eyes bore into him with unrepentant fury. Nix almost found it cute that a girl of her diminutive height was trying to intimidate him. Almost. She may have been a head shorter than he was, but in martial combat training she always kicked the everloving shit out of him. Painfully.

Short or not, in her intricately detailed silver breastplate and with her massive obsidian spear on her back, she somehow managed to still be imposing. He didn’t doubt she was a bonafide Goddess of War. Well, one of them, if what the United American States’ government had told him was true. It probably wasn’t, knowing them. They were a bunch of corrupt, lying fuckers. Oh, and he was their slave now. Wake up from a 50-year coma and all of the sudden you get drafted into whatever new war they decided was necessary to secure ‘freedom’, which usually entailed him and his team hunting the plethora of monsters that appeared after the Great Cataclysm struck the Earth.

“Well, what do you have to say for yourself?!” she shouted.

“Uh, don’t you mean ‘what in Tartarus’? Greek pantheon and all,” he offered in a droll tone. The first time he saw her, he could do nothing but stumble over his own words and try to avoid looking at her. Her nonpareil beauty, her red, pouting lips, the locks of brilliant blonde hair that fell over the shimmering, playful ocean-colored eyes. He was in love. That was, at least, until she opened her damn mouth and dispelled the illusion. She was an annoying nag, and the fact that she was his squad leader was a constant motivator to put the barrel of his new, experimental black pistol in his mouth and pull the trigger. That would be weird. Shooting himself with his own soul. Or whatever it was that gave him his powers. He had ignored a lot of what the UAS scientists had tried to tell him about his powers. He just killed monsters with his sword and his new pistol with fire and pretty explosions.

Even with his two weapons, Midget Goddess could still beat the crap out of him. Like she probably would end up doing—again—considering he had just usurped her authority and violated direct orders from command.

“This isn’t a fucking game, you mouth-frothing ingrate!” Man, were her teeth a brilliant white, and perfect. He could tell because she was snarling at him. “You just endangered the lives of the entire fucking squad!” Nix looked to the only other member of the three-man squad, and smirked. Alexander’s eyes widened and he motioned a flat hand across his throat, mouthing, “No,” silently. Nix’s smile widened as he decided to ignore him.

“So, by going in alone and wiping out a nest of vampyrs single-handedly, I endangered the lives of an immortal human hero and an immortal goddess.” Nix paused, fingering his chin thoughtfully. “Oh, and me, I guess. No, wait-” He pulled the sleek black pistol from its holster on his hip, pointed it at his head, and fired. As his ruined skull reconstructed itself in a flash of white fire before he could even crumple to the ground, he noted with a victorious sense of satisfaction that the Greek goddess was staring at him in shock. Wait...he probably should have blown his head off a bit further away from her to prove his point.

“Err, you have a bit of, well, me on your forehead. Here, lemme just-” He tried to wipe the bits of brain off her forehead, but she just swatted his hand away.

“Are you insane?!” Oh, man, she was pissed. He was definitely getting his ass kicked for this.

“Uh, yes?” His remaining entrails glowed a sickly orange on her otherwise unblemished face before dissolving into ash, the stirring breeze floating the last of, well, him off the goddess’s face. The dark grey motes disappeared amidst the green needles of the pine trees that surrounded them.

“This was just a surveillance mission!”

“You know, for a Goddess of Wisdom, you sure do yell a whole fuckin’-” He was interrupted by her flat-handed blow against his sternum. The shockwave of the impact sent out a burst of wind and shot up a cloud of blackened soil, sending him flying. Nix felt himself crash through several trees before his back slammed into a large grey boulder. It cracked and collapsed around him from the force of his impact. He grudgingly got to his feet and swiped at the dust of his tactical armor, checking the prototype firearm in his hand for any damage. Finding none, he-

‘That hurt, my king.’ Christ, of all times, now his damn sword started talking to him again.

‘Shut up, Cal, swords don’t have nerve endings, and you’re damn near indestructible,’ Nix thought at it, hoping the retarded King Sword would retreat back to its dumb silence soon.

‘Oh, okay. Can I swallow her spear?’

Nix sighed. ‘No, Cal, you cannot swallow Longinus.’ The goddess and his other squadmate, Alex, were stalking toward him as he swiped at the last of the dust on his black tactical gear.

’Aww. Hey, wait, that’s not my name. Are you sure I can’t…?’

‘No, Excalibur, you cannot consume Athena’s fucking spear. She’s already gonna kill me. Well, try to, anyway.’

‘I’m sorry, King Sean.’

‘I’m not a king, Cal. And don’t call me Sean.’

‘Okaaay,’ the sword replied in his head with a defeated voice. ‘I’ll just be here in my sheathe, thinking up a name for your new soul-shooty hand cannon thingy.’

‘Yeah, you do that. I’ll be here getting my ass kicked by a pissed off Greek pigmy goddess thingy.’

Said goddess stepped up to the man and glowered. Glowered harder than she normally did, anyway. God, those sky blue eyes of hers. If he didn’t already hate her, those eyes…

“You know, you look pretty damn adorable when you’re pis-”

The last thing he saw was her fist sailing towards his face.

“Well, well. It appears my regal beauty has stricken the great human mute.”

A voice. Her voice. The hallucination cleared, and his eyes refocused on the dark blue room. She was here, right before him. The blonde hair. The blue eyes. Her full lips. But she wasn’t. He looked down at the short goddess before him. She wasn’t. He began to tremble.

“Take it off,” Nix whispered softly.

The woman...the thing in front of him pouted. “My, my, so forward.” A faint smirk played across her lips as she looked up into his eyes. “Though I suppose I should expect nothing better from my little huma-”

“Take. Off. Her. Face,” Nix hissed, his fists clenching tightly as his whole body shuddered, barely restraining himself from reaching towards his pistols and ending this thing before him. He tore his gaze away from her, scowling grimly at the floor. The...woman cocked her head in confusion, before turning towards the mirror above her chest of drawers along one wall. Her eyes widened.

“Oh, by Fate, no, I didn’t mean-! Nix, ‘twas not my intent to-”

“You have no right, Luna.” The human’s voice was barely loud enough to escape his lips. He still refused to look at her as his arms stuck stiffly at his sides. “Please. Now.”

“Y-yes, of course.” With a flash of light, the false-goddess disappeared and a familiar blue alicorn stood in her place. She immediately rushed forward and placed a hoof on Nix’s shoulder. “Nix, we...I had no idea that would occur. ‘Twas a simple transmogrification spell and-” He swatted her hoof off his shoulder and finally brought his gaze back to her eyes, his irises glowing in a flickering blue.

“It’s fine. Just please teleport me back, now. I’ve got a lot I need to do.”

“But thou must understand-”

“It’s fine!” he said, a bit more loudly than he intended. He strangled his conflicting emotions into a semblance of measured control and said more evenly, “I’m sure you didn’t intend to appear before me as...her. But I really should get back. Please.”

Luna nodded slightly, her eyes regarding him sadly. Piteously. Christ, he hated that fucking look. He wished she would just fucking teleport him alrea-

With a shuddering blink, the room disappeared from around him and he was sent hurtling through a tunnel of darkness. His entire body screamed in icy fire for a brief second before the world reappeared around him. He sighed. This wasn’t Ponyville. She had teleported him to a fucking forest. He really hated gods. And goddesses.

Mostly.

Luna lay on her back, staring into the swirling mists of light and darkness that battled across her royal chamber's ceiling. A great many of the glowing pinpricks of her future night’s possible sky stared back, twinkling gaily, begging for their goddess’s wisdom and guidance. She changed nothing. Given time enough, her world would have enough pony souls to craft her final masterpiece. As if she could forget that her greatest contribution to the ponies still living was a memoriam of the dead. It was early enough that the lights of Canterlot below the castle still twinkled warmly as the mirth of the living trickled out from pubs and houses—a fitting juxtaposition against the icy gems that crowned her pregnant moon in the night sky.

“I bucked up,” she said to the empty room. “Royally.” She was met with silence. She sighed and looked towards a particular corner of the room. “Thy presence has not escaped my attention, sister.”

The corner shimmered and faded, revealing a white alicorn. Her pink eyes bore a sad look for her sister as she trotted towards the dark bed in the center of the room. Without hesitation, Celestia climbed onto the bed and dropped to her stomach next to her sister. She remained silent as Luna broke her gaze and turned her attention back to the celestial bodies adorning her ceiling.

“Is that what I am, sister? A reflection...a shadow of the good in life, turned around and thrown back at ponies as a reminder of what they have lost?”

“Of course not, Lulu,” Celestia said softly. “You are so much more than that.”

Luna snorted cynically. “You know, Tia...After all these years, the jealousy still cuts, still digs at me.” She turned to to meet her big sister’s calm eyes. “No matter what good I do, it never seems good enough for our little ponies. They lose the ones they love, I give them the stars. But the light of the taverns down below glow with more warmth and happiness than the luminescence of those departed in my sky. My moon, my light in the darkness, is but a reflection of your brilliant sun.” Luna turned her head away from her sister. “I tried to give him something familiar. A form that would soothe his loneliness, another human so he wouldn’t find it so easy to shut himself off, but instead my form was-”

“Shhh, Lulu,” Celestia whispered. “You couldn’t know the effects of the transmogrification spell. Nix is an entirely new species. Remember that time I turned my form into that of a minotaur?”

“But-”

Celestia wrapped an ivory wing around her midnight blue sister and drew her close. “No ‘buts’, little sister.”

Luna turned her head away from her big sister’s comforting nuzzle and pouted. “We are not little. We are the Princess of the Night, Divine Diarch of Equestria.”

Celestia laughed warmly and drew her sister closer with her wing, nuzzling her in the neck. “Of course you are, Lulu. As I am the glorious Princess Celestia, Steward of the Sun and the Elements of Harmony, Daytime Diarch of Equestria, where the buck stops here when cataclysm strikes.” She paused. “And yet the only thing I can think about is dancing around a simple bonfire with a handful of smiling ponies. With not a care in the world. Sister, you might think yourself a mere reflection of my grandeur, but...my authority is a mere chunk of metal I wear on my head, little better than the bars of a cage. You...are not the only one who is jealous.”

Luna remained silent for a time, but a small smile creeped its way across her lips. “Not a care in the world. So no bureaucrats, then?”

“Goddess, no,” Celestia replied with a huff. She drew her head back and gave her little sister a flat look. “Although I believe I have you to thank for my Treasury Secretary.”

“And thy dietician.” Luna smirked.

“Don’t remind me, Lulu,” the white alicorn said flatly.

“‘Twas merely a result of Nightmare Moon’s twisted influence, no doubt,” the blue mare replied, smiling innocently.

“Yes, of course…” Celestia hoofed her little sister in the shoulder.

Luna’s smile widened and she leaned into her sister’s side. She closed her eyes and rested against the Sun Goddess’s shoulder. “Can you just stay here for now? For the night? Like the old days?” she murmured.

Celestia sighed. “And what of Night Court?”

“Mrrrrm, doesn’t matter. The two Diarchs of Equestria can take a day off every now and then.”

“Luna…”

“And I miss my big sister. Not the Princess of the Sun. My sister.”

Celestia sighed and rested her head on her sister’s midnight blue shoulder. “Fine.” She closed her eyes. She was so tired these days. But Princess Luna- But her little sister snuggled close, and the bed was so soft.

Luna mumbled softly, “We should tell him the truth. About his sisters, I mean.”

“We will,” Celestia whispered. “We will. As soon as we give him someplace to call home.”

“Mmmm,” the dark blue alicorn replied as she readjusted herself against her sister, her breaths becoming even as she dozed off. Celestia wrapped one hoof around her sister’s chest and quickly followed suit, winking off into dreams of dancing, smiles, and sunshine.

Author's Notes:

This chapter was originally going to be much longer (think 12-15k words), but given the choice of posting it now, after I've dilly-dallied for so long after the last chapter, or waiting a coupla days and releasing a monstrous update, I decided it was probably best to release this chapter now, and the next part...soonish. (Don't worry, I have a vacation coming up. There will be updates. Updates that drown out the light from the heavens. Probably.)

Besides, the chapter title mostly applies to this part.

Although Nix confronting the Mane 6 after all he's done will still probably be really awkward. Especially with the timberwolf pup at his side. I'll have to think up another relevant chapter title, I guess... Oh, well!