“Not! Without! My permission!” Ridge Dancer punctuated every angry scream by dropping the several hundred pound chunk of marble—taken from one of the newly destroyed pillars—onto the monster’s head. It had lost consciousness over a minute ago, and by now it’s ugly face was decidedly more misshapen from the constant bludgeoning. Her voice had taken on a manic, screeching tone. “NOT! WITHOUT! MY PERMISSION!”

“Private Ridge Dancer, We demand that you cease your attacks this instant!” Princess Celestia’s voice boomed in the Traditional Canterlot Voice, finally shaking the unicorn guard out of her wrathful revery. She stared down at the broken, unconscious creature that had violated her, barely recognizing its twisted form. Her head swept around towards the two approaching princesses, her eyes as wide as a doe before a racing stagecoach. She immediately threw herself to the ground, her false-white guardshooves before her in prostration.

“Please, Princess Celestia, forgive me,” she whined.

“Odd,” said Princess Luna, ambling ahead of her sister as the white alicorn brought a hoof to her forehead, her use of the ancient voice amplifying what was fast becoming her worst headache in years. “We have been back for just beyond a year, now, yet the guards submit themselves to beg for only my sister’s mercy, rather than the just amnesty afforded from both our royal assent.” She glared down coldly at the female guardspony quivering at her feet, her deep blue eyes possessing more frigidity than the freezing arctic depths.

“What say you, child?” she intoned with every bit of the arrogance that her position afforded her.

“I...” Ridge Dancer mumbled quietly. “I am very sorry, Princess Luna-”

“Luna,” came the Night Princess’s flat interruption.

“I’m very sorry, Luna. It was not my intent to offend,” Ridge mumbled in a humbled correction.

“Then, prithee, do inform us as to why thou thought fit to so thoroughly mangle a noncombatant in our royal presence, after this creature had been adequately subdued?” Luna responded questioningly.

“Non...noncombatant?” Ridge Dancer asked in honest shock, her gaze flitting between both Princesses, though Celestia seemed more content to nurse her headache with one pale hoof than she did to pay attention to the conversation. Slowly, Ridge steeled her resolve. “It ruined Princess Celestia’s door. It tackled me. I saw it striking numerous ponies with its curved sword. It-” she cut her sentence short, her eyes dancing wildly at all the piercing gazes in the room.

Princess Luna noted the presence of a great many members of the Royal Guard, glanced at her sister, and caught a slight nod before her Celestia went back to nursing her headache. “You!” she shot a hoof out to point at one of the gathered guardsponies who had a few more decorations on his armor than the others. He saluted by instinct. “Use all the ponies under thy command to gather the injured and see to it that they are treated. You,” she located another pony with more symbols on his armor than his compatriots, “fetch the Captain of the Guard immediately. Order the ponies under thy command to immediately seek out our royal architects, that we might assess the damage.”

Luna glanced at Celestia, who nodded with halting approval before adding, “Sergeant Cloud Smasher, prepare a sky chariot for Ponyville immediately. I will be sending for the Elements of Harmony as soon as our captive is properly dealt with. The rest of you, contain the perimeter and ensure there are no further intrusions.”

A pegasus that Luna had previously overlooked immediately saluted and shot off down the hallway.

‘We shall have to memorize all their names eventually. And probably the symbols on the Sun Guard armor, lest we confuse one of our own officers for a Filly Scout.’

Luna glanced at the sole remaining guardspony who timorously bowed at her hooves. She sighed, but temporarily ignored the quivering mass of scared pony and instead turned to the odd creature who had collided with her down the hallway. Her sister slowly trudged to her side. Luna prodded the being with one tentative hoof.

“I believe we may have broken it,” Luna stated matter-of-factly, prodding it a bit harder.

It groaned. Well, gurgled. “Well, at least it yet lives,” Luna sighed. “Sister, what could have possibly possessed thee to act on this being in such a manner? Did thou suffer some form of attack? ‘Tis rather excessive that we went to such harmful lengths merely to subdue it.”

The lids on Celestia’s eyes flattened in annoyance. She simply stated, “He’s Discord.”

Luna cocked an eyebrow. “Oh? He appears nothing like that particular unsubtle dragonequus. Do elaborate.”

“He teleported to my room, and the strands of magic that preceded the spatial disturbance that bore him there were clearly Chaos magic.”

“Hmm,” Luna’s mouth quirked as she thought. “Not necessarily damning, considering dragons and even certain wild beasts like timberwolves also bear such an unnerving magical signature. I wonder...”

“Luna, he also,” she paused, uncertainty beginning to chip away at her, “he also taunted me in a manner that nopony would know about save for Discord.”

“We question what sort of foul invectives 'he' may have uttered that led thee to that conclusion.”

Princess Celestia mulled over the implied query for a second, finding it difficult to think through the pounding in her temples and her horn. “He didn’t so much as say anything, aside from complete gibberish—which Discord was fond of doing from time to time—but his actions were clear enough.”

Luna sighed in frustration, but replied gently, “Sister, we...I,” she corrected, “have lived for over ten thousand years, and thou hast centuries more experience and a piercing sagacity that never ceases to amaze us. However, in certain matters...”

The pause only lasted for a few seconds, far shorter than the pall of a funeral, but carrying no less weight. Ridge Dancer still quivered off to the side, her face buried in the tiles, hoping she was forgotten.

“We just awoke to fulfill our regal duties an hour ago. It is about this time thou takes thy retreat in thy chambers for dinner, is it not?”

“Well, yes...”

“Tell us, sister. How was dessert?” Luna smiled sweetly, a devilish glow sparking momentarily in her deep blue eyes. She knew full well that Sayla Vee had been sneaking sweets alongside the strict regiment she had demanded from the castle kitchens.

“Well! I-” Celestia choked on the words, a hoarse cough escaping instead as she whipped her head around and stared at her little sister. A look of pained guilt crossed her face as she brought her gaze back down to the crumpled creature on the floor before them. The thing gurgled again as if in response, before its misshapen jawbone jerked back to its proper place with a sickening pop! Its ruined throat followed suit, turning its grotesque burbling into proper groans of agony.

“Gross!” Ridge Dancer exclaimed, before hurriedly covering her mouth with her hooves and continuing her study of the few motes of dust she could find on the floor before her.

Luna now circled both the creature and her sister, a bemused smile playing on her face. “After all this time, thou possesses as much knowledge of our daily routine as we do of thine’s. Pray tell, what could we have been up to before we heard the disturbance in the palace and returned to satisfy our curiosity?” She brought her hoof to her chin in mocking ponderance.

“You usually take a brisk walk in the gardens before you...” Celestia’s ears drooped. “Luna, that’s not funny.”

“We did take note of a particular statue...”

“Really, Luna, I get it.”

“...one that had remarkably not disappeared after the apparent disturbance in our castle.”

“That being appeared while I was stuffing my face with cake, cooed at me like I was some sort of household pet, then threw a carrot at my flank.” Celestia's blunt explanation came out in one quick breath. “I swear, I wonder if you go out of your way to try to be insufferable,” she muttered with a mild pout. “I also sometimes wonder just how you manage to think so far ahead.”

Luna giggled lightly, nuzzling her big sister. “We had a very good teacher, one far more astute than us, if memory serves.” She smiled as Princess Celestia’s features gentled. “Though in this particular instance, we cheated. Multiple times.” Her smile turned into a knowing grin, and her flowing mane suddenly changed direction, a dried husk of frosting flitting right in front of Celestia’s eyes. Celestia hurriedly wiped the confectionery evidence off of her lips with her hooves whereas Luna simply magicked the offending sugar out of her mane. The night princess turned to the prostrated guard.

“Ridge Dancer, we feel thou hast inspected the floor for any threats upon our being for long enough. As admirable as your dedication towards the cleanliness of our palace may be, please come join my sister and I for a moment.” All three ponies grimaced slightly as more of the bipedal creature’s skull bones audibly popped back into place, it’s head returning to what appeared to be “normal”.

A squeaking meep escaped Ridge’s throat as she rushed to join the princesses.

“In what manner did this creature assail you?”

“I had just landed unharmed after he blew up the door. Then he tackled me and broke my leg,” Ridge responded with slightly less meekness, her brain treating the line of questioning as more of a debriefing than criticism. One of Celestia’s eyebrows shot up questioningly as her eyes flicked to each of the guardpony's unharmed limbs, but her sister continued her line of questioning. ‘When she gets like this,’ Celestia mused, ‘there really is no stopping her. I wonder exactly how many detective books she’s been reading during her visits to the Royal Library...’

“Yet here you are, walking about with limbs as pristine as they presumably were when you reported for duty...what say you?”

“I...it...” Ridge stammered out. “That thing,” she steadied her voice, but it was laced with hatred, “slapped me on my flank, and then cast something on me. Whatever happened while it was copping a feel fixed my leg, then it babbled something and took off running.”

Celestia eyed the young unicorn carefully. “Ridge Dancer, forgive my intrusion, but there’s something I’d like to see.” Her horn glowed a bright yellow, and Ridge Dancer shivered as she felt a spell course through her body.

Celestia brought her head up suddenly, her pupils narrowed to pinpricks, “Is that?!”

Luna had a thoughtful look on her face as she scrutinized the being at their hooves. “It’s harder to detect now, but I noticed it immediately when the creature ran into me.”

‘Healing magic,’ Celestia thought, her mind racing in confusion, adding to her headache. ‘More specifically, Harmony magic...’

She looked towards Luna, and was met with her sister’s somber gaze.

‘What manner of creature can utilize both Chaos and Harmony magic?’

The thing on the floor had ceased its moaning and snored peacefully as the three mares looked on.

“You’re really going to work tonight when it’s your birthday?” his sister asked.

“You know me, Sis. I’m not a big fan of holidays, even if you all worship the ground I walk on.” He laughed. “But really, if you got me a present this year, I’m gonna be pissed. I’ve forgotten both you and Jessi’s birthdays for the last three years,” he said, wincing as he remembered his little sister’s birthday last month, “and I’ll be damned if I accept something when I can’t even remember what day you all were born.”

She just laughed. “For as smart as you are, I kinda wonder how you have such bad memory.”

“Practice, mostly,” he said casually, “coupled with a severe distaste towards giving a damn about what day you popped out of Mom’s uterus as a screeching monstrosity.”

“You always had a way with words, Sean,” a male voice piped up sarcastically from behind him. Sean merely took another drag from his cigarette and expelled it into the early evening air, flitting his gaze towards the sliding glass door.

“And you always had a way with...sucking.”

“I retract my previous statement,” his best friend Mike retorted. "It was a terrible understatement, in fact. By Jove, the weight of your grandiloquence could intone the very stars from the heavens by virtue of the gravitational pull of your hubris alone." Mike grinned, knowing full well that his well-read could run circles around his friend's verbal bluntness. Every once in a while, Sean might be able to manage a curse that caught him off guard. That was rare.

“What can I say? The simplest of your observations are wrought with ruin and failure the second they spark from your defective synapses.” Sean took another drag from his delicious, delicious cigarette, not even sure his response made sense. Whatever, it definitely sounded intelligent.

Mike simply laughed. “Hey, that one actually made sense this time! Good job! Keep up the speech therapy-”

“-I’ll fucking burn you with fire-”

“-and then you might have a girlfriend as hot as mine!” He grabbed Sean's sister by the shoulder and hugged her close. “No, really. Why have you not called in to work?”

“Mike, you know I, uh, can’t. I don’t want to work today. I don’t want to work any day. If I could sit on my ass, drink beer, play videogames, and trade barbs with you everyday, trust me, I'd do it. But I have to.”

Mike regarded him with amusement from the corner of his eyes, no doubt concocting yet another good reason why he should spend his birthday somewhere other than his soulless job. A thought flashed through Sean's brain. ‘Oh, don’t you dare-’

“I dunno, what do you think, Sarah?” he mused.

After adding a mental note to burn his life to the ground, Sean sighed and met his sister’s eyes.

“Do you really have to?” The serious edge in her voice snapped him to attention faster than a slap to his face—and he’d gotten quite a few of those with his...obtuse...personality. “It's just...” She paused. “Something's not right,” she said simply, frowning as though some important item of concern of hers couldn't adequately be conveyed. "I know it's your birthday and we should be celebrating, but I just have a bad feeling."

Sean regarded her seriously for a second, before bursting out into laughter. “Sarah, I should count myself lucky.” She stared at him, confused. “This is the first time I remember you worried about me in the last five years that didn't involve me asking you for money.” He chuckled mirthlessly. “For a while, I almost worried you were more concerned with my financial management than you were with me.”

Her eyes merely regarded him sadly, deep stirrings of pity playing subtly deep with her shimmering eyes. Sean hated that look. He HATED that look.

“Sean-”

He awoke on a simple hay-stuffed mattress in a graying room of what appeared to be ceramic bricks. 'Oh, good, it appears not everything is constructed with concussion-inducing marble in this reality.' Popping his back as he leaned up out of the poor excuse for a mattress he had been given, he looked around. Fairly roomy, so far as dungeon cells went. A weird, translucent purple sphere encompassed most of the cell. The forcefield had a complementary purple unicorn with a magenta streak through its purple hair—the unicorn was dozing off just outside the purple sphere, its face planted on a scroll and a quill tangled in its hair. At the barred door to the cell proper, a light green unicorn with shockingly vivid lime-colored eyes was glaring at him.

‘Oh, a proper dungeon cell. Serves me right for sucking at being awesome. I should be out of here in a few hours,’ he assured himself.

He tested his magical reserves. Still almost nothing, maybe an extra droplet here and there but nothing more substantial than before. He also noted the absence of his weapons and his coat, which he had expected. Closing his eyes, he identified their locations relative to his present position. They were about a thousand yards away, to the far right and at a higher altitude, but they thankfully weren’t being handled. ‘Good,’ he thought somberly. He tried summoning them, but between the trickle of power and some sort of muddled interference—probably the forcefield—he couldn't quantum transmute them to his cell. If he sensed they were being used, he'd just have to think of something.

Blowing out a puff of air in resignation, he reached into one of his blue jean’s back pockets. The hardened plastic square was still there. A cataract of relief spilled through him. He fished the little black box out of his back pocket and navigated a couple menus until the file in question popped up onto its screen. Pressing play, a video of his older sister and his best friend whirred to life on the small screen.

He wouldn’t...couldn’t...forget them. And he'd be damned if some fucked up reality with homicidal horses came between him and his family.

The bright green horse-thing was gone as the file replayed the gaiety of the last birthday he remembered. Tinny laughter escaped the media player's speakers, and as much as he tried to focus on that laughter, a few nagging questions clawed at him. 'Where the fuck am I that my power barely works, and how did I black out long enough to even get imprisoned without waking?'

On the screen, his friend, Mitch, had just cracked open a beer and was teasing his sister, Selena, about being too quiet.

Author's Notes:

Any grammatical errors or just any plot issues you find glaringly horrifying—aside from the HiE/Overpowered OC shenanigans—that anyone who can actually tolerate this story can find, just, uh, lemme know, okay? All 2 of you who don't hate it, anyway!

There shouldn't be that many grammar problems...even if I'm really drunk and just "published" this to Fimfiction.

Also, Luna is best Socrates.