I pulled back the slide on a pony 1911 and locked the slide back before placing it on the counter in front of me. The customer in front of me happily grabbed the pistol and walked out of the store. I looked around my weapons store and at the various customers that walked around my store. Ironic. Ponies are such a peaceful race yet they love firearms so much.

"Eeyup. I'm bored." ADHD is a curse and a blessing but mostly a curse. I jumped over the counter and made my way towards the door. You

I heard Calamity call out from where she was in the store. "I'm in charge?" she asked.

I stopped, mere feet away from the door. "Yes. Like usual, don't set the place on fire, don't give Logan the keys to my bomb storage, and don't let anyone touch the 1911s" I continued.

You know, I could never understand why people, ponies in this case, act the way they act. There's never a change in how it works. Example, judging someone/thing based on very little experience or knowledge on the topic or person. Case in point, sharks. Why is it that millions of people worldwide believe that sharks are incredibly dangerous and that you have a small chance of being attacked by one? You're more likely to die from a mosquito than a shark. Numbers wise, Mosquitoes bites results in an estimated 500,000-1,500,000 deaths in 2014. How many people were killed by sharks in 2014? Zero. Zilch. None! Which of the two is more feared? In a display of humanity's intelligence(if you're too stupid to realize it, this is sarcasm in effect), sharks. This is what I'm talking about. Why?!

Then there's ponies. Why would you shun someone(Zecora) if you've never met them or that they look scary? Then the mirror version of this is why would you trust or show loving grace towards a species(parasprites) never seen before? It's good to show some some trust and some hospitality but it's a stupid idea to show non-existant or too much trust in someone/thing.

As I walked through Ponyville, ponies would occasionally glace at me. I couldn't blame them. I was considered one of the most dangerous beings in Equestria and also one of the most destructive. Funny thing. You see, there were insurance policies for me. As there was health insurance that would help pay for medical needs when someone is injured or home owner's insurance to help pay for when damage is done to someone's home, there was Tran insurance that would pay for any damages done by yours truly to property or health.

Of course, there was also insurance policies for my friends, the human ones of course. Insurance for Austin was the least expensive, then Alex was the second least expensive, then Ike was the third least expensive, then Logan was next in line, Nick was the third expensive, Andy was the second expensive, and I was the most expensive... Actually, I'm wrong. The most expensive insurance policy was the CMC policy meant for the Cutie Mark Crusaders. You should see some of the things they've done! One time, they were shooting piles of fireworks from a catapult within city limits!

And the next thing I know, I'm at my destination, Rarity's little home/shop. I opened the door and ducked down to enter. The bell hanging above the door rang, alerting anyone inside of my entry.

"I'll be there in a minute!" I heard Rarity call out. A few seconds later, Rarity appeared in my view. "My spare sofa's in the back room of the shop." I still had Rarity's sofa from when I was trapped in Ponyville with the mares but I had left it in the TARDIS. It was a good thing that Rarity had a spare sofa.

I proceeded to make my way to the back of the shop. "Thank you" I said. I found the sofa and lied down on it.

"Would you like a pillow or a blanket?" I heard Rarity call out from the other room.

"I'm good!" I replied. "I think I'll be-" Instead of finishing my sentence, I had fallen asleep.

-X-X-X-

Andy started playing the dramatic chase portion of the Jaws' theme song. Pinkie Pie bounced on over and sat down beside him on the piano bench. "So, any super duper pranks for tomorrow?" Pinkie asked.

Andy paused in playing the piano. "Why tomorrow?" Andy asked.

"It's April Fools silly!" Pinkie quickly replied. "I'm hoping to get your brother good!"

Andy was genuinely interested in what was going to happen. He also knew that there would be chaos. "Is anyone else trying to prank my brother?"

"Probably everyone" Pinkie cheerily replied. "There's a prank bounty on him by Celestia! Whoever pranks him the most wins ten thousand bits!"

Andy adopted a look of horror. "Oh god! That's not going to go well" he said. He took his hands off the piano and started scratching his chin. "What could possibly go wrong for everyone? It's not like anything could possibly backfire horribly." And so, Andy spoke one of the eternal phrases of doom.

"Are you going to go for the bounty?" Pinkie asked him.

"Oh hell no. You all can fight in the futile war that is my brother" Andy quickly retorted. Andy continued playing the piano, this time moving onto a more lucrative portion of the Jaws' theme song. When Pinkie jumped off of the piano bench and faced away from him, Andy started smiling knowing that he had just doomed everyone to failure because of the words of utter doom that had left his mouth earlier.

-X-X-X-

Scootaloo, Apple Bloom, and Sweetie Belle stood in front of the couch that held Tran. All three of them were, no doubt, prepared to cause trouble.

Sweetie Belle, confused of what they were doing, was examining the bottle of whip cream in her possession. "So what am I supposed to do with this again?" she whispered.

Scootaloo, who had an over sized white feather in her possession, was standing on the edge of the couch, trying her best not to nudge him. "You're supposed to spray that on his hands" she quickly whispered back. "I'm going to tickle his nose and when he tries to scratch it-"

"He'll get a face full of cream!" Apple Bloom said finishing Scootaloo's sentence.

Tran shifted slightly in the couch in response to the noise, almost bumping into Scootaloo in the process. In response to the movement, she jumped off the couch and fluttered to the ground. "Quiet! We don't want him waking up!" Scootaloo quietly seethed.

"Okay, spray the whip cream on his hands" Apple Bloom whispered to Sweetie Belle.

As Sweetie Belle spray whipped Cream on Tran's left hand, Scootaloo took the feather in her mouth. She flew up onto the couch beside Tran's head. This was the moment of truth for them. She brushed the feather along Tran's nose once.

In response, Tran shifted before bringing up his clean right hand up to scratch his nose. Scootaloo, irritated by the response, ran the feather along Tran's nose again. Once again, he brought up his right hand to scratch his nose. Now that was a case of inconvenience.

Apple Bloom, not wanting the same mistake to be repeated, spoke up. "Spray the other hand with the whipped cream" she said. Sweetie Belle quickly covered the other hand in whipped cream.

Scootaloo once again ran the feather along Tran's nose again. Ironically, Tran brought up his left hand to scratch his nose. However, instead of scratching his nose, Tran wiped the whipped cream onto Scootaloo's mane. Before anyone could respond, Tran grabbed Apple Bloom with his legs and wiped his right hand onto Sweetie Belle's mane. That was when they all reacted. Scootaloo jumped onto the ground, Sweetie Belle started shrieking, and Apple Bloom struggled to get out of Tran's hold.

Tran reached down and grabbed the can of whipped cream and spray some in Apple Bloom's mane. "There, all three of you are matching now." Tran stood up from the couch/sofa and made his way to the door.

The three fillies looked at each other.

"My mane is ruined!" Sweetie Belee said.

Apple Bloom and Scootaloo facehoofed. "Now we can't collect the bounty" Scootaloo said.

"It was supposed to fund our other crusades!" Thank the gods that the CMC had failed because if they had ten thousand bits, they would have destroyed the universe.

-X-X-X-

I was making my way to my store. "Now that's a way to start the morning" I said to myself. I pulled out a stick of gum and popped it into my mouth. As I chewed, I could strangely hear a large amount of giggling and laughter in the background that would go on and off every now and then. I wonder what that's about.

As I approached my gun range, I could heard the sound of magically suppressed gunshots. The story behind that was that ponies had started complaining about the constant gunshots not long ago and I had decided to address their complaints.

Once I entered my store, I noticed one thing. "Is that a pail?" I asked, looking up. Balanced on the door was a metal pail. Somehow, it was staying on, despite the full force of me opening the door reverberating through it. I moved the door through the motions of opening it and closing it but the pail remained adamant on its desired location. "Who left a pail on the door?"

I looked down to see Rainbow Dash fly up from behind the counter. "How did you do that?!" she exclaimed.

"Was it you that left a pail on the door?" I asked her.

"How did you make the bucket not fall?!" Rainbow Dash asked.

"I didn't even know there was a bucket" I said. I reached up and grabbed the bucket. I looked into it. It was filled with water. "Okay, I'm going to put this back for whatever it is you're working on. I'll just go meet up with Logan. He wanted a day off today for some reason." I placed the bucket back on the door, where it was positioned and walked out, closing the same door on the way out. I left the door slightly ajar so that the bucket would still be balanced on the door.

And so, I walked away.

-X-X-X-

As Tran walked away, Rainbow Dash was examining her prank. She looked at the bucket that was still balancing on the very edge of the door via the very edge of the bucket. "How in the buck did he do that?" she said to herself.

She reached out a hoof to grab the door. When her hoof barely touched the door, the bucket fell down on her head, drenching the mare. "Of course."

-X-X-X-

As Tran walked through town, several ponies targeted Tran for the prank bounty. He only stopped when he happened upon a roadblock. Beyond the roadblock, a large portion of the ground was dug up revealing the sewer system. Working on the sewer system were several workponies garbed in safety vests and hardhats.

One construction pony walked up to Tran, stopping behind the roadblock. "What's going on?" Tran asked.

"Some idiot put several small holes in the sewer system here" the pony replied. He reached into the safety vest and pulled out a small cloth bag. "It looks like someone managed to pepper the tunnels with bullets." The pony tossed the bag to Tran.

Tran opened the bag and looked inside of it. He reached into the bag and pulled out a bullet. The bullet was slightly damaged but still kept its shape, form, and weight. "Tungsten alloy and it managed to stay relatively intact meaning it's one of my custom hand loads that I make for rail gun firearms. Caliber is 9mm. Rifling is a right hand twist and hexagonal. Number of riflings indicates that it's a Glock." Tran paused in his self discussion. "Logan, you idiot."

Tran looked back to the construction pony. "I'm sorry about the damage. Please report that the damages should be billed to Logan of Ponyville." Tran closed up the bag and stuffed it into his pocket. Tran turned around, looking for another route.

While Tran was looking for another route to go, eight ponies popped up around him in the background. Half of them were on one side of the street while the other half was on the other half of the street. All eight of them pulled out pies and readied themselves to throw.

In unison, all eight of them threw their sugary payloads. Right when the pies were about to impact, Tran bent down. "Oh hey, a bit!" Tran said, picking up the aforementioned copper coin. The pies went right over Tran and kept on going. All eight ponies, astonished by their unfortunate stroke of bad luck(good luck in Tran's case), stood like deer trapped in headlights. Unfortunately for them, the pies that they had thrown earlier struck each other in the face as they had been standing across from each other.

Standing back up, Tran pocketed the bit and walked down a nearby alleyway. He ran towards one of the walls and jumped off of the wall and climbed up onto the building. A few minutes later, he was on the other side of the construction site.

-X-X-X-

Logan's house in this more technologically advanced Equestria was located on the outer ring of Ponyville, near the Everfree Forest. It was near near the forest but only enough to be within a five minute walking distance. It was a relatively simple single story home with a basement. There were the basic rooms that belonged to a house, a bedroom, a bathroom, a kitchen, and a garage. Just an average Ponyville home other than the raised ceilings, raised doors, and the bomb making maniacal homeowner.

I spotted Logan sitting on the porch of his house. He had his McMillan out and was most likely using the scope as a telescope. I knew he had spotted me from afar as I was looking down the end of the barrel. I walked towards him, waving hello in the process. When I had finally walked up to him, he was looking at me like I had just beaten Nick in an arm wrestle. "What?" I asked, questioning him.

He closed his mouth once and then opened it again. "Could you walk back away from my house about thirty feet?"

What? Why would that be for? "Sure?" I replied. I walked back out and stood there looking at Logan. "What am I doing this for?"

Logan still had the same astonished look on his face. "Could you jump up and down a few times?" Logan asked.

"What? Why?" I asked.

"Just do it" Logan said. I jumped up a few times. "Could you take two steps forward and then jump up and down a few times?"

I stepped forward a few times and jumped up and down. "I don't see the purpose of this" I said. "Look, I'm here cause I'm bored. Want to run a few shooting drills?"

I don't know why but Logan still had that astonished look on his face. "No, I'm pretty busy today. Maybe another day" Logan replied.

Well shoot. "Oh, well peace." I turned around and started walking away.

"How in the hell did he do that?" I heard Logan say as I walked away. I turned around to see Logan watching me as I walked away.

"What was that about?" I asked myself.

-X-X-X-

As Tran walked away, Logan looked down at the ground where he buried his magically enchanted pastry landmines. "How did... What?" Everything else that he had said was confused gibberish.

He held out one of his legs and hovered one foot over the area where he buried the mines. He proceeded to set one foot on the dirt. Right when his foot touched the ground, hundreds of landmines detonated, covering the ground and Logan himself in cream and various pastries. "Aw shite!"

-X-X-X-

As Tran walked through Ponyville, five pegasi were watching. They were pegasi so they were hiding on the clouds, high up in the air and away from view. They were safe from being spotted by Tran as he had not reason to look up at the clouds. They also followed him as he moved, also moving the clouds in the process.

That was when Tran happened upon a table that had a banana muffin sitting on it. There was a sign taped to the table. "Free banana muffin" Tran said, reading from the sign. "Eh, what could possibly go wrong?" Tran picked up the muffin and started eating it after he spat out his gun.

As Tran ate the muffins, the pegasi that were watching him maneuvered their clouds above him.  All of the pegasi looked at each other and nodded. All six of them began to jump on their clouds trying to release rain.

Nothing came out of the clouds. The pegasi began exchanging looks from each other. They looked down at Tran who had finished eating the muffin and was already walking away.

"Are these the decoration clouds?" one of the pegasi asked the others.

"No, they should be live clouds" a different pegasi answered.

"Well they're not working!" a different pegasi seethed angrily. To emphasize his anger, he slammed one of his legs into the cloud. Unlike earlier when the clouds did nothing after being struck, the slam activated the clouds alright. Instead of rain like they wanted, lightning came out, shocking the pegasi. The lightning arced from him to another pegasi to another pegasi and so on until all five of them were shocked.

-X-X-X-

Now I was making my way to Sugarcube Corner. "Well that was a tasty muffin" I said. I pulled out a new stick of gum and popped it into my mouth.

I went up the two pink steps of the bakery and through the front door. A few steps into Sugarcube Corner, I found a tripwire. Whoever set up the tripwire was smart. The wire itself was difficult to see as it was made of a clear plastic wire and it was set up between a well traveled passage. I pulled out a nearby chair and used it to trip the wire.

*Click*

A pile of cake splattered all over the ground in front of me. "Well, that happened. I guess I'll just go talk to Fluttershy."

I turned around and walked to the door. I was about to walk out the door when I noticed a another tripwire. Someone, most likely Pinkie, had set it up while I was looking at the first trap. "Nice try Pinkie" I said. I stepped over the tripwire.

And right onto a pressure plate set up on one of the two steps in front of Sugarcube Corner. I looked up and saw a bunch of cake falling down. Before it could land on me, I stepped out of the way. You know what I never understand? When something is falling down at someone because of a tripped booby trap, why would you not step out of the way? It seems like something that you'd do but it seems to never happen in fiction. The character just stands there, as if they are waiting to be rained down upon by foreign matter. Then there's another issue. Why do they look up?!

"Aw. So close!" I heard Pinkie say from behind me.

I turned around. Pinkie Pie was inside Sugarcube corner a few feet behind the door frame. "Okay. Cake. It's always cake."

"No use in wasting cake!" Pinkie Pie said while stepping forward. In doing so, she tripped the other tripwire and cake cascaded down on her. "This works too!"

Okay. "Okay. You do that." I turned around and started walking again.

-X-X-X-

As Tran walked through Ponyville, Nick and Alex were watching Tran from a rooftop. Both of them picked up a tub of water. While Alex grabbed a bucket of water, Nick grabbed a bath tub, also full of water. When they looked back to where Tran was walking, he was gone.

Alex lowered the bucket. "Where'd he go?" Alex asked.

Nick, just as confused as Alex, ducked down. "I don't know!" Nick replied.

"Who are we watching again?" I asked.

"Tran. Who else would we be waiting for?" Nick replied.

I sat down and waited for them to realize who asked. A few seconds passed before they both started turning around. "Hallo" I said. Both of them just outright jumped off of the roof leaving their containers of water. I chuckled as they fell to the ground and crashed. Before they could get away, I hefted(with a lot of effort) the tub and dumped it over the side of the roof. Both Nick and Alex were immediately drenched in water. Looking over the side of the roof, I got a great look of Alex and Nick drenched in water.

"You know, I kinda expected something like this to happen" Nick said. I picked up the bucket of water that Alex was armed with and also dumped it. The water splashed Nick in the face, further drenching him. "I didn't expect that though" Nick said.

I walked over to the other side of the roof and jumped down, rolling on the ground once I hit. Dusting my self off, I started walking away.

-X-X-X-

As Tran walked through Ponyville for the fifth time today, Tran was being watched by more ponies. This time, only two ponies were watching Tran. Both ponies were wearing blue vests with white vertical stripes over a white shirt and were nearly identical in appearance as they were twins.

"Well dear brother of mine, do you have the launcher ready?" Flim asked.

Flam, in reponse, hefted up a large bazooka-like invention and settled it on his shoulder. "Mhm, yes I do old buddy old pal" Flam replied. "Is the pie loaded?"

"Why yes it its!" Flim replied. Flim trotted out of the way deciding to move right behind Flam. "You may fire when ready!"

"Thank you my good brother" Flam said. Flam took aim with the pie bazooka and pulled the trigger. The pie-load was sent but it wasn't in the right direction. Instead of the pie hitting Tran, it hit Flim's face who was standing directly behind the bazooka.

He wiped the pie off of his face. "You're holding it backwards, idiot brother of mine" Flim said.

Flam turned the bazooka around and took aim once again. Once again, he pulled the trigger. *Click* "I forgot to load up another pie, didn't I?" Flim took out a pie and stuffed it into the end of the bazooka.

And so, Flam took aim again. When he pulled the trigger, it went click again. Flam set the bazooka down and looked down the launching end. "What appears to be the problem?" Flim asked. That was when the bazooka launched a pie into Flam's face.

Before anything could be said and done, a bolt of lightning came out of the sky from a cloud and struck the two of them. Derpy's head popped out from the cloud. "Sorry!" Derpy said.

-X-X-X-

I stood alone in a grass field. My jackets were off exposing my very rarely, if ever, seen shirt. My jackets in question were folded up and sat down on my backpack a few yards away from me. Strapped to my back was the Sparda in its standard katana form.

I pulled out a small scrap of clothe and tied it around my head covering my eyes. With my vision gone I drew the Sparda. The Sparda cut through the air with practiced skill showing the signs of an experienced wielder. I shifted my foot position and assumed a ready out stance.

The katana, a traditional, single edged, curved sword design. It's design is pretty simple but the katanas were beautifully made. Now one thing I want to clear. The katana is not the best sword ever. The title of best sword ever goes to no specific sword. There's no such thing as the perfect sword, only swords that are good for specific jobs. Different regions and time periods yield different necessities and materials which yield different swords. Look at one of the most well known swords of Egypt, the khopesh. The time period(3rd millenium BC to 1st millenium BC) when the khopesh was introduced, bronze was best metal available metal(alloy) and its shape fit the use of a multi-role weapon. Another example is the Indian Talwar. It was an infantry and or cavalry sword meant to slice while on foot or horseback. In addition to that, it was designed so slices/slashes were easier to recover from.

As to what I was saying. The katana is not the best sword design ever created. It's good but nowhere near the best. I do favor it over other swords, not because it is better but for the fact that I am weak. Asians are not big people. A samurai was considered tall if he reached five foot six in armor so they wouldn't be remotely close to being as burly as a Celtic warrior who were considered average if they hit six feet. Because I am weak, I needed a light sword when I first started my martial arts lessons and the katana fit the need very well. It's not like you'll give a weak person a claymore or a biden/doppel hander(imagine even bigger versions of claymores), would you?

And so, a light sword for a weak person. That is why I like the katana. I am weak. I acknowledge that. I dare you to try to mess with this weakling.

Once again, the Sparda sliced through the air with well-practiced skill. Well practiced indeed.

-X-X-X-

Applejack cut out a piece of apple pie(what else would it be?) and started to eat it. She looked down at the rest of the pie and then to a pile of pies that she had gathered. She then looked over at Tran, still blindfolded, practicing very meticulous maneuvers with his sword.

Applejack smiled thinking it was going to be easy for her to prank Tran what with the blindfold he was wearing. She didn't even have to hide from plain sight! She picked up a nearby apple pie and threw it at Tran. The pie flew a straight path towards Tran's face, completely unaffected by any outside factor.

As the pie continued to fly, Applejack was squealing on the inside, knowing she was going to win ten thousand bits which was quite a lot of bits considering the average Equestrian car only cost only a hundred fifty bits. Her excitement was ended when Tran had taken a step to the left, shifting where his face was barely enough for the pie to miss. Complimenting the position shift was a slow movement with the sword.

The dodge did not happen deliberately but of pure chance. Right when the pie was supposed to hit Tran in the face, he had decided to practice a different move.

Appalled by the miss, Applejack picked up another pie and threw it. The pie once again flew straight and towards Tran's face. Unfortunately for her, the pie flew straight into Tran's sword and the pie was immediately sliced in two, both of which kept on going before it landed out of Tran's earshot. This also seemed like pure chance as when Applejack threw the pie, Tran had already been holding the Sparda in the supposed path of flight of the pie. The only thing that went right was how Tran was completely oblivious to the pie hitting his sword though the sharpness of the Sparda had a part in that.

Growling, Applejack bucked the entire cart of pies at Tran. There was no way for her to miss this time. As the pies flew Tran just stood there, completely oblivious as to what was to come.

Until Discord teleported right in front of Tran and shielded the aforementioned human from the pies by taking the pies(and cart) himself. "Oh, I'm hit!" Discord cried out.

Tran immediately tore of the blindfold and faced the interruption with the Sparda at ready. When he saw it was only a pie encrusted Discord, he lowered the sword. "Don't do that! I'm trying to practice my swordsmanship." Tran swung the sword around in a flurry of motions before finally sheathing it on his back.

As Tran walked over to his pile of clothes, Discord was rather perturbed by one thing. "You're not going to question why I'm covered in pie?" Discord asked while adjusting the wagon to be on his head. "Oh and do you like the new hat, I think it clashes with my beard."

"Well, it doesn't seem weird as opposed to what usually happens in my life" Tran replied. Tran began to reattached his removed sets of jackets to his body. "And the wagon hat doesn't match your beard."

Discord looked up at his hat. "Ah yes, you are correct. It does need to match my beard better." Discord snapped his fingers and the wagon began flashing different colors in a neon sign-like fashion.

Tran picked up his backpack. "What is it that you need?"

Discord pulled out a checklist from literally nowhere. "Ah yes. You seem to have forgotten about your appointment."

"My appointment?" Tran said. "You mean the one where I have to be somewhere at sometime about the something? Why wasn't I notified of not being notified of being notified of notification!"

"Exactly!" Discord exclaimed. Both of them chuckled before the two of them simultaneously snapped their fingers and disappeared leaving only the telltale signs of teleportation.

Applejack just stood there. "What in dah buck jus happened?" she said to herself. Then a pie fell from the sky and onto her face.

-X-X-X-

I reappeared in Fluttershy's cottage. "So what is it that you need?" I asked while looking at Discord.

Discord snapped his fingers and he was garbed in a butler's costume. "Would you like some tea my good sir?" Discord asked in a British accent.

"Why yes I would" I replied.

"Now would you kindly follow me" Discord said.

"Why yes I will" I said again. Discord snapped his fingers again. All of a sudden, I found myself sitting at a small table. Sitting on the table were several tea cups, tea pots, and those tiny little triangle sandwiches. "Oh, I love those!" I grabbed one of the tiny little triangle sandwiches and ate it. "Tasty." Sitting across from the table was Fluttershy who seemed rather confused. "Tea party" I said to her.

"Oh, that's nice" Fluttershy said.

Discord appeared floating in the air. In his talons/claws/hands/appendage-y things was a tea pot. "Would you care for a spot of tea?" Discord asked.

"Why yes I would." Discord poured some tea in the cup directly in front of me. Fluttershy also answered yes and he repeated the action for her.

-X-X-X-

Austin looked at the little tea party that Tran, Discord, and Fluttershy was having. In one of his hands was a large balloon filled with paint. The paint balloon was intended for Tran but he stopped when he saw the little tea party. Austin's inner British man was conflicting with his desire to collect ten thousand bits from the prank bounty. Should he try for the bounty? Or shall he have tea with an agent of chaos, a hellishly dangerous Asian, and one of the most adorable things to come into existence?

After a long and hard period of thinking, Austin threw the balloon behind him and started walking towards the cottage. Before he could get to the door of Fluttershy's cottage, a roar alerted Austin of a nearby large predator. When Austin turned around, he was faced to face with Harry, Fluttershy's pet bear. Splattered across Harry's head was paint and the remains of a balloon.

In the blink of an eye, Austin was gone in a made sprint with Harry not that far behind him.

-X-X-X-

Tran stood up from his seat. "Thanks for the tea, Fluttershy" Tran said. He walked towards the front door and left.

Discord, still dressed as a butler, snapped his fingers cleaning up the table that held the remnants of the tea party. He snapped his fingers again and the butler's outfit disappeared.

"That was nice" Fluttershy said with her usual soft tone.

Discord floated over to Angel's favorite couch. "Oh I love a love a good tea party" Discord said while laying down.

"Yeah" Fluttershy said. She walked over to the same couch and lied down, right beside Discord.

Discord popped right into a sitting position and started brushing Fluttershy's hair with a hairbrush that he, quite literally, pulled out of nowhere. "Did you know that ponies and people have been trying to prank Tran all day?" Discord asked. "It has been causing a deliciously amazing amount of chaos!"

"Oh, I know" Fluttershy said. "Has anyone been able to prank him?"

Discord let out a squawky laugh from his beard. "That's the amazing thing, they've all been failing! Every single prank that has been done on him has backfired! The funnier thing is that he doesn't even know that the pranks are happening! He just believes that ponies are trying to mess with like he believes they usually do." Discord sighed. "That ten thousand bit bounty is the only thing that ole cake butt has ever done right."

"Okay" Fluttershy said.

"At least you haven't tried to prank him" Discord said. In response to Discord's statement, Fluttershy turned her neck to face Discord and smiled. "No, you didn't!" Fluttershy's smile grew. "Did you put something in his tea?"

"Just some laxatives" Fluttershy replied.

Discord pause din his brushing. "Are you sure that's going to work with his unique condition?"

"Oh I used Harry's laxatives" Fluttershy said.

"That could work" Discord said. "All you have to do now is wait." Discord continued brushing.  That was when Fluttershy's stomach began rumbling. Her face showed discomfort and in the next instant, she darted away. "You forgot to switch the cups after you spiked one of them, didn't you?"

Rather loud bowel moments sounded out from Fluttershy's restroom as Discord face palmed with great intensity.

-X-X-X-

I pushed open the doors to Twilight's library home and stepped in. "Hey Twilight. I got bored and-" I stopped when I discovered that a bucket was balancing on the door.

"What?!" I heard Twilight yell out. She ran out of wherever she was hiding. Held in her magic was a book. "That's not possible!"

I took another step forward and closed the door. The bucket still hadn't fallen down and had stayed in its exact position. "How'd you do that? I don' see any magical auras."

My statement seemed to have astounded her even more. "Wait, so you're not doing that!?"

"No. Earlier in the day, the exact same thing happened to Dashie" I said. I grabbed the door and pulled it open. The bucket stayed in place. "Did you glue the bucket to the door?"

"No! Of course I didn't." Twilight flipped through the book. "There's nothing in my book that says anything about this." She closed the book and used her magic to summon a table.

"What's the table for?" I asked. Instead of answering me, she grabbed the table with both hooves and flipped it. "Oh." I walked over to Twilight and started scratching her head. "May I ask what this is about?"

"I'm trying to prank you" Twilight replied.

I stopped scratching. She turned her head and looked at me with longing eyes that told me to continue scratching. "Why are you trying to prank me?" I thought back to what the CMC, Pinkie, Nick, and Alex tried to do. Now that I think about it, other people have been trying to prank me too."

"Today's the first of April, it's April Fools Day!" Twilight replied. "Wait, how did you not know about this?"

"No one told me about it." Wait a minute. "Why is everyone trying to prank me anyways? Usually most people just try not to bother me because they fear how badly I might violently react or respond even though I don't really react violently." Well, unless you're trying to mug, rob, or assault me. Otherwise, I'll just respond with shenanigans or something of similar fashion as to what you tried to do. If it's an accident, I'll do nothing. Seriously, why is it that when someone does someone accidentally to me, they think I'll kill them? It's an accident, of course I'll forgive you! It's not like I was burdened by the pain of something that you did. I'm a masochist! I like pain!

"Celestia put a ten thousand bit bounty on you for anyone that succeeds in pranking you" Twilight replied.

"Oh now that's good incentive." Ten thousand bits. That's a lot of dough. You could buy a house if you wanted. That or a hundred standard 1911s, twenty-ish cars, all of the pastries in Sugarcube corner several times over, forty or fifty clubhouses, two thousand sets of shoes, or twenty thousand pies. "Then why'd you try to prank me?"

"Surely you can't be serious!" Twilight said.

"I am serious and my name isn't Shirley. Wait, you're a princess. Don't you have a ton of money now? Why would you need the ten grand from the bounty?" I asked.

"Keep scratching" Twilight said. I obeyed her request. "We don't have a lot of money like everypony thinks."

I paused in scratching her head again. She looked at me with an irritated expression again. I continued scratching. "Wait, shouldn't you be paid or something?"

"Well we are paid but it's only one bit a year" Twilight replied. I stopped scratching again. She glared at me again.

"One bit a year?!" I nearly yelled. Twilight was still glaring at me. I chuckled as I started to scratch her head again.

"Does this include Celestia and Luna?" I asked.

"Yes, they have the same pay as well" Twilight replied.

I thought about something really important. "How does Celestia afford all of the cake that she eats?"

Somewhere in Canterlot

Celestia frowned at Tran's statement. Turning to the left, she faced her economic adviser. "I want you to increase that prank bounty to twenty thousand bits."

"How are you going to pay for the extra ten thousand?" the adviser asked.

Celestia's magical aura appeared and the sound of teleportation was heard. Held in Celestia's magical aura right in front of the adviser's face was a crown similar to Cadance's except the gems were diamonds. "Here, this should easily be worth fifteen thousand."

The adviser was flabbergasted. "This was gifted to you six hundred years ago by the crown prince of Saddle Arabia!"

Celestia didn't even bat an eye. "He gave me a crown every year for my birthday for twenty-seven years. I have extra."

-X-X-X-

"Most of the common expenses, such as new additions to our wardrobe or food is paid by the treasury. Luxuries like extra cake or trips to the spa are our responsibility" Twilight explained.

"Wait, then the same question as earlier can still apply to you. Why are you trying to prank me? What would you be buying that requires twenty thousand bits?" I stopped scratching her head once I realized what she wanted to buy. "More books?"

Twilight was amazed. "How did yo-" She stopped talking when she realized what she was saying and that I had started smiling.

"It doesn't take knowing everything to know that Twilight Sparkle the bookworm wants more books." I looked at a window and noticed that it was raining fliers. I walked outside and picked up one of the fliers.

"What's that?" Twilight asked from behind me. I held the poster down for her to read. "Twenty thousand bits! Now that's a lot of money!"

I looked at the poster once more before throwing it away outside. "Looks like Celestia really wants me to get pranked."

"Well, I would put my bits on Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, or your brother" Twilight said.

"Pinkie and Rainbow already failed and my brother knows that trying is futile" I said. "Welp, I'm leaving." As I walked away, I heard a loud crash and a splash of water. Turning around, I got the view of drenched Twilight wearing a bucket on her head.

-X-X-X-

The massive increase in the bounty motivated even more ponies to try and prank Tran in addition to motivating those that had already failed. In addition to that, ponies were coming in from other cities, such as Canterlot and Las Pegasus. Unfortunately for them, Tran now knew that it was April Fool's Day and of the bounty, therefore making the task of pranking him hundreds of times harder.

One of the ponies that tried pranking Tran was one pony that everypony thought wouldn't join in on the festivities. The fashionista in question had "borrowed" some paint from the Crusaders and had painted the side of a massive house. The painting was of a tunnel and in the middle of the tunnel was a table where a small pile of gum laid. Attached to the table was a small sign that had labeled the gum as free for anyone to take.

Rarity looked at her painting and smiled. It looked realistic. "Those art lessons really paid themselves off" she said to herself. Earlier in the day, she had dropped fliers near Tran's walking route. All she had to do now was to wait for her prey. An hour or so later, Rarity had fallen asleep from boredom.

Ironically for her, Tran had just walked by not a minute later. "Now where's that free gum that I was told about?" Tran asked out loud. Rarity snapped awake and went immediately into an attentive state, fixed on you know who.

"Come on, momma wants a new Summer wardrobe" Rarity whispered to herself.

Tran soon found the painted tunnel. "Oh hey" Tran said, noticing the table where the gum laid. He made his way towards the table.

Rarity held her hooves up in front of her in excitement. Tran was now only one step away from walking right into the wall. In a display of no logic, Tran walked into the painting as if the painting of a tunnel was an actual tunnel. "Oh come on!" Rarity said while throwing up her arms up in irritation.

Tran turned around and had one of his signature pistols trained on Rarity in an instant, scaring her in the process. When he saw that it was only Rarity, he dropped the stance and reholstered his weapon. "Let me guess, you're trying to prank me also?"

"But. How. What. Summer line. Want" Rarity babbled out. Tran walked out of the tunnel and ran his hand through Rarity's hair, ruffling it up. This ripped Rarity out of her stupor. "Not my hair!"

Tran struggled not to laugh. "You were trying to prank me, were you?" Tran asked.

"Its twenty thousand bits!" Rarity said. "I could buy an entire summer line and a few trips to Canterlot."

"So you tried to prank me by giving me free gum?" Tran asked.

"No, you walked through my prank! How did you do that?!" Rarity said.

Tran turned around to look at the tunnel. "What?"

Rarity walked over to the painted tunnel. "This tunnel isn't even real! I painted it!" Rarity said.

Tran walked into the tunnel, then walked back out. "Seems real to me." To reiterate this point, he pointed forward into the tunnel and jumped back out. "Very real in fact." Rarity looked at Tran and blinked. She looked at the tunnel and jumped forward. In a true cartoon-ish fashion, she slammed into the wall as if the tunnel wasn't real and plastered herself against the wall. Tran blinked and walked back into the tunnel and right in front of Rarity. "Well this is a rather strange twist to reality."

Tran walked back over to the table and pocketed the gum from the table. "Don't mind if I do" Tran said while pocketing the gum. As he walked away, Rarity got unstuck and fell down.

-X-X-X-

I looked at my new packets of gum. For something that was painted and supposedly fake, it was pretty good gum. It tasted identical to my regular trident gum and had the same consistency.

"There he is!" I heard someone yell from behind me. I turned around to see a large mob of ponies armed with various pastries and prank instruments.

I blinked once before I grabbed both lapels of my armored robes and shook them. Several flash bang grenades fell out of the bottom of my robes, pins included but not attached to the grenades. I jumped back, hands covering my ears and eyes closed. Even with my ears covered, I heard the detonation of the grenades and the pained screams of the mob. I opened my eyes and started walked away, completely ignoring the screams of pain coming from the mob.

And then, I remember something. I took off my backpack and reached into it, pulling out a pink grenade. Looking back at the crowd, I bit down on the grenade pin. Now every military nut or member of the military will tell you pulling the pin of a grenade with your teeth is a horribly stupid idea but it's actually pretty fun if you don't chip or damage your teeth. Now the only safe way that I know of pulling the pin of a grenade with your teeth is to bite onto the pin with your back teeth and doing this still needs caution.

In respect to what I just discussed, I pulled on the grenade and the pin was pulled off of the grenade. In an instant, the spoon popped off of the grenade and the grenade was now armed. I counted away two seconds before I tossed it into the stunned mob. A few more seconds passed and the grenade exploded. Instead of killing everything within a decently sized zone, it spray cake everywhere onto the crowd. Don't ask how but Pinkie had managed to make cake grenades.

And so, I began walking away... Again.

You know, I don't even know why they even bother. Something always goes wrong.

As I walked away, I pulled out a Rubik's cube. This was a new one. It wasn't a regular cube. It was a mirror cube. What's so special about a mirror cube? Well the difference between a regular Rubik's cube and a mirror cube, is that all of the sides of a mirror cube is the same color? Does that mean that it's pre-solved? Nope. While the pieces of a Rubik's cube are cubes, the pieces of a mirror cube vary in size.

Look at this!

Anyways, the mirror cube was fun to solve and it provided a pretty good challenge. Don't get me wrong, a regular Rubik's cube was fun but something new made things a little more interesting. Besides, I still had my regular Rubik's cube and I still solved it for the purpose of breaking my previous speed record.

The mirror cube was good entertainment as I was walking to Twilight's library. When I walked through the front door, I noticed one thing. "And you left the bucket on the door" I said to myself.

"How is that possible?!" I heard Twilight yell out.

I walked over to where Twilight was. Her hair had began showing the signs of her insanity as some of her hairs had began popping up. "Yeah, I'm back here to ask you when the bounty is voided" I asked her.

Twilight turned to look at a nearby wall clock. "In fifteen minutes" Twilight replied.

That was when the crack of teleportation sounded out and Discord poofed in between Twilight and I. "Ah yes, the timeline. I'm saddened by that unfortunate means of peace. Did you know that Celestia is coming to Ponyville to check if anyone managed to successfully prank you?"

"Lies! Celestia would notify me of her visit!" Twilight said accusing Discord.

"No, Discord's not lying. His chaos powers say so" I said.

"Now how would Discords power be in any relation to you knowing that Celestia is coming to Ponyville?" Twilight asked.

"I can feel Discord's powers growing. Recently, it has suddenly spiked most likely from people scrambling around to clean things up or prepare their homes for if Celestia sees or inspects their home, even though she will most likely not" I explained.

Twilight blinked and more of her hairs started popping up. She blinked once again and she teleported away. "Where do you think she's gone?" Discord asked.

Instead of answering Discord, I held up three of my fingers. I dropped one finger, then another finger, and finally my last finger. *CRASH* It didn't take a genius detective to tell that Twilight was spazzing out over Celestia's visit. She's probably getting rid of scandalous materials or cleaning up.

"It's a shame that no one is able to claim that bounty" Discord said.

"Yeah." I walked over to the entrance. "Let's go meet with Celestia."

-X-X-X-

Celestia touched down in Ponyville in a chariot. Seconds later, another chariot landed, right beside the one that taxied Celestia. The second chariot would have been empty if it wasn't for the giant chest that resided in it. The two pegasi that pulled the chariot containing the chest unhooked themselves and proceeded to carry out the chest as Celestia walked out of her ride.

Ponyville's denizens, in respect to the princess, trotted out to and crowded around her before bowing down in unison. Discord and I teleported out to meet Celestia.

"Que es lo que necesita en Ponyville?" I asked.

Discord looked at me with a weirded out look. "Is that where Pinkie learned to speak like that?"

I looked at him. "What do you mean?" I said.

"Some time back on Rainbow Dash's birthday and your birthday, a day that I love for all of that juicy chaos, Pinkie was saying some strange words. Exactly like you are" Discord explained.

"What did she say?" I asked.

Discord coughed while tapping his chest with his fist. He inhaled with great exaggeration in preparation. Instead of speaking, he snapped his fingers and a small screen popped up in front of Celestia.

On the screen was a replay of Pinkie Pie singing and dancing on a giant pinata.

"Dale, dale, dale No pierdas el tino! Porque si lo pierdes! Pierdes el camino!" Pinkie singed.

Once Pinkie finished singing, the screen closed and disappeared. "Hmm, that's the Spanish Pinata song" I said.

Discord blinked and a few seconds passed. I blinked and a few more seconds passed. "Can you tell us and the readers what it means?" Discord asked.

"I can" I replied.

Discord blinked again and a few more seconds passed. I also blinked and more seconds passed. "Will you tell us now?" Discord asked.

"Mkay. It means hit it, hit it, hit. Don't lose your aim because if you lose it, you will lose the path" I translated.

"Una cancions sobre las pinatas?" Discord asked.

"Si" I replied. I looked back at Celestia. "Que es lo que usted necesita?"

Celestia blinked at us. "What?" Celestia asked.

"So what is it that you need?" I said.

"Oh thank Faust he's not speaking a foreign language now. Have you been pranked at all today?" Celestia asked me.

I let out a small laugh. "No."

Celestia looked surprise. "I thought twenty thousand bits would be good enough incentive for my little ponies to prank you" Celestia said.

"No they tried a lot. They just all failed horribly" I said.

"Really? I know that you are skilled but you have been shot before. Pranks must be easier to land on you" Celestia said.

Before I could say anything, Twilight burst from the crowd, before running up to Celestia. I found it interesting in the fact that her hair was all frazzled, showing the intensity of her current state of sanity. "He breaks the laws of physics! I don't know how he does this!" Twilight said.

"Interesting" Celestia said.

That was when Fluffle Puff fell from the sky and onto Discord. We all looked up and saw Derpy. "My bad!" Derpy said before she flew off. Fluffle Puff jumped off of Discord and onto the ground in the center of us.

"What an adorable little creature." Celestia leaned her head in closer to Fluffle Puff. "What is your name?"

In a true Fluffle Puff fashion, she blew a raspberry. I reached forward and picked up Fluffle Puff. "This little fur ball is Fluffle Puff. She doesn't speak unless you count her gasps and raspberries as speech." I hugged Fluffle Puff's back and buried my face in her fur. Seconds passed and I was still hugging Fluffle Puff with my face buried in her fur.

"Tran, are you still here on Equestria?" Discord asked.

I slowly lowered Fluffle Puff, revealing my face covered in pie. I placed Fluffle Puff on the ground and started to wipe the pie off of my face. As I was cleaning off my face, I could hear Celestia giggling and Discord holding back his laughter.

"Looks like we have a winner!" Discord said.

Instead of saying anything, I grabbed the lapels of my robes once again and shook them. Bushels and bushels of pink grenades fell out of the bottom of my robes. A second later, the pins to the grenades fell out of my jacket. I quickly grabbed Fluffle Puff and teleported away.

The cake-splosion could have been seen miles away from Ponyville.

Later in the Day

Rainbow Dash reached for the chest that held the bits that Fluffle Puff had collected from Celestia. Before Rainbow Dash's hoof could touch the bits, Pinkie slapped it away. "Bad" Pinkie Pie said.

Rainbow Dash was offended. "She's not going to use them!" Rainbow Dash said.

"Technically, she is" Twilight said. The other members of the Mane Six looked at Fluffle Puff.

"Eating them is not using them!" Rainbow Dash said.

I looked at Fluffle Puff who was still eating her bits. Then I looked at Twilight who was still spazzing out about how I had managed to make that bucket defy gravity. I couldn't blame her, even the Doctor and I wasn't able to explain that. "Twilight, I think you need to calm down."

Twilight, who was in the middle of pulling out different books from her shelves, stopped and looked at me like I had just set her library on fire. "Stop?! This needs to be explained!"

The crack of teleportation sounded out and a ceramic flowerpot fell on her head, knocking her out. Another crack of teleportation was heard and Discord had appeared in the room. "Well, today's been fun" Discord said.

"Hey wait a minute" Rainbow Dash said. She flew up to be at Discord's eye level. "Did you have something to do with our pranks failing?!"

He laughed at her. "No" Discord replied.

"Then how do you explain all of our pranks failing?!" Rainbow Dash said. The doors to Twilight's library burst open and in walked nobody.

"That was rather anti-climatic" Rarity said.

"Oh contrar" Andy said behind Rarity. Rarity jumped up in surprise and fell foward. "Why the pranks failed? I spoke one of the eternal phrases of doom."

Rarity got up and dusted herself off. "Where did you come from?!"

"I'm Asian too."

"What are these phrases-eth of doom-eth that you speaketh of-eth?!" Pinkie Pie asked, who jumped up to Andy.

"The words!" Andy replied. "Of doom!"

The members of the Mane Six that wasn't unconscious nor Pinkie Pie, facehoofed. "What could possibly go wrong?" Pinkie Pie asked. The moment she finished her statement, a square foot of plaster ceiling tile fell down on her head and knocked her out.

I looked up to examine the ceiling. "Where did that come from? The ceiling isn't even made of plaster tiles" I said.

"Even I have no idea" Discord said.

"What could possibly go wrong?" I asked out loud. Everyone waited for something to happen. When a minute passed by, everyone was astounded. "What? The words of doom has no effect on me."

"Let me try! Nothing'll happen to me!" Dash said. What could possibly go wrong?" Seconds later, a bookcase fell down on her, burying her in books.

Fluffle Puff blew a raspberry before she continued eating her bits. "Just imagine all of the dresses I could have bought!" Rarity said in anguish.

I looked at Andy. "Remember the last time you said one of the supposed phrases of doom?" I asked Andy.

"Yeah, it was on Valentine's day" Andy said.

Discord tossed a live trout at Andy's face, smacking him in the face. "Correction! It was Hearth's Warming Eve!" Discord said.

"Ah yes. Cupid had a field day" I said.

A Few Months Back

Andy looked at the positions of his chess pieces, as did Discord. The two of them were locked in a mental struggle for victory in, what could be, one of the most intense wars of all time.

"It's your move" Discord said. He looked down at the chessboard with a smirk. He was clearly having fun and this wasn't really a regular game of chess. It was a game of chess war. Every piece on the board was animated and looked as if they were living beings. And then Andy moved a bishop and in the process, took Discord's queen. Discord reeled his head back in shock. Then he looked in, to examine his next possible moves. "Nope" Discord said while smacking the board out of reach.

As the board flew away, screams of pain came from the chess pieces, signaling their deaths. Andy looked at Discord and held up a still living white king piece, Andy's king to be specific. "Checkmate" Andy said. Discord smacked the king out of Andy's hand, also killing the chess piece. "Well that's being a bad sport, isn't it?"

"Nope" Discord said. Then a ding sounded out. Discord brought up one of his hands and looked at the wrist. "Looks like it's time for Cupid to come out!"

"Cupid? He's real?" Andy asked.

"Yes, why wouldn't he?" Discord asked.

"Does he shoot people with love arrows of doom?" Andy asked.

"Yes and his... Love arrows of doom?" Discord asked. He shrugged. "His aim with a bow rivals your brother's aim with a rifle."

"Hmm" Andy said in deep thought. "How bad could his aim be?" And so signified one of the first times that he used one of the eternal phrases. Fortunately for Andy, the usage of the phrase would only benefit him.

Elsewhere

A light pink pegasus pony grabbed two bandoliers and draped them across his chess in a criss-cross pattern. In addition to the bandoliers, he grabbed two quivers and settled them on his back. Then, he proceeded to fill the quivers and bandoliers with heart tipped arrows. Once he had finished, he grabbed a red short bow. "Almost forgot!" he said in an excessively positive tone. He licked his hoof and ran it across his hair, adding a slight slickness to his pink cowlick. He looked at himself in a mirror and admired his pink mane, coat, and tail. "Looking good."

He turned to look at a dummy of a pony that had several love arrows sticking out of it. Cupid, in the time that it would take a regular pony to blink, grabbed and notched three arrows in his bow and fired. The three arrows struck the pony in a evenly spaced pattern. In the same amount of time that it took him to notch and fire the first three arrows, he notched and fired another three arrows. The first three arrows were split down the middle by the three arrows that he had just shot. "Going on six thousand and still got it!"

And so, despite being a pegasus, he teleported away.

-X-X-X-

One of Cupid's mottos was to be quick and efficient and he easily went by this motto. In less than an hour, he was able to breeze through Vanhoover, Cloudsdale, Manehattan, Canterlot, Fillydelphia, and Balitmare without any trouble whatsoever. Ponyville was an entirely different ordeal.

Cupid fluttered around Ponyville's airspace, watching the ponies, humans, and single dragon mill around town. "The first Hearts and Hooves day for seven new faces. Who shall be first?" Cupid removed an arrow from a quiver and notched it on his bow. Pulling back the string and the arrow, he took aim.

Down in one open cafe in Ponyville was a slightly mopey Nick. He looked at his glass of whiskey and took a sip of it. Twas a bad day to be lonely and indeed he was.

Cupid smiled as he had found his first target of Ponyville. He released the arrow and the arrow was sent flying. It flew and flew until it struck Nick in the back of the head.

The magic of the love arrow worked fast and before Nick could notice the pain from being shot with the love arrow, he had fallen in love...  

With the bottle of whiskey residing beside the glass. "Oh whiskey, you were meant for me!" Nick said as he grab the whiskey bottle beside the glass and chugged down the bottle. Tossing the empty glass bottle, he ran off for more. He would likely get drunk and pass out like he did during the heat season.

Up in the sky, Cupid blinked. He was rather bothered by the fact that he had made someone fall in love with an inanimate object but this was more common than it should have been. Why just earlier in the day, an arrow of love had given the courage to a diamond dog to ask out a pile of granite. Then there were the REALLY weird cases that he had seen in previous Hearts and Hooves Days that still make him shiver to this day.

Anyways, Cupid had flown off to his new target, a group of local school children. Not even children would flee his work.

-X-X-X-

Andy walked through town. "So a rip-off of Valentine's day, huh?" Andy said in thought. He looked around town and noticed how ponies around town were spending time with possible loved ones/dates. Most of the ponies that Andy had seen fall to the love bug, had arrows tipped with heart arrowheads sticking to their bodies in one way or another.

Then out of nowhere, a flowerpot landed on Andy's head, causing him to stumble in his walk. "Ow! What the hell?!" He looked up to see nopony or thing up in the sky. Andy couldn't even see clouds above him. When Andy looked down, he saw a love arrow sticking in wall parallel to Andy's path. This gave Andy a clear examination of the arrows.

Hundreds of yards away, Cupid's mouth dropped in shock. This was the first time he had missed a target in this century! He had compensated for distance, arrow drop, wind, and had even fired the arrow a short distance in front of Andy to account for walking. Drawing another arrow, Cupid fired again. Hopefully, he would not miss this time.

Right as the arrow was about to hit him in the chest, a flowerpot hit Andy in the back of the head, knocking him over, causing another miss for Cupid. "Where the hell do those even come from?!" Andy screamed out. As he groaned, he stood back up and dusted himself off. Andy, in a futile attempt, looked behind his back to find the source of the flowerpot. He saw nothing except for the second arrow that had been shot at him.

"Whoa" Andy said. "Guess the flowerpots are helping me today." And so, he began walking off again.

In the distance, Cupid was livid. Two misses! Two misses! He had never missed twice on the same target ever! Before Cupid could do anything else, a pony flew by. Cupid quickly drew an arrow, aimed, and fired, hitting the pegasus in the back of the head.

-X-X-X-

I walked through town. Everywhere, ponies were displaying various forms of affection to their special someones/ponies. If they were people, I think I would be filled with a sense of awkwardness. However, they were ponies and it only made them more adorable!

There was one feature that most of them shared that I noticed. They had all been shot with arrows tipped with hearts. Since I'm in a world where most myths and tales are true, I'd say this was the work of Cupid.

"Hey" I heard my brother call from behind me.

I turned around to face him. "Yes?"

"Did you know that Cupid is real?" Andy said.

"Ah yes. I kinda figured. Unless it's some strange fashion style, I can see that everyone that is on a date or spending time with someone has been shot with an arrow that has been tipped with what looks like a heart" I said. "Do you think the arrows work on us too?"

"No, I don't think so" Andy said.

Hmm. What? "What makes you think that?" I asked.

"Well have you fallen for anyone?" Andy asked.

"No" I replied. Wait a minute, he wouldn't just ask me that. "Have I been shot?"

He gave me a strange look. "You could say that" Andy said. "Check your back."

"How many?" I asked.

"A hundred or more" Andy said. "So you don't feel anything? It's pincushioned your back, your backpack, and the back of your limbs."

I pulled out an arrow and examined it. "To be fair, I have been developing and experimenting with new forms of painkillers."

"So nothing?" Andy said.

"Yeah. I probably gave myself complete analgesia with anhidrosis."

"What?"

"Complete insensitivity to pain and temperature" I explained. "I most likely temporarily destroyed my nervous system."

Andy reached over and ripped a few arrows from my back. "Yeah. Probably."

I continued removing the arrows from my back. "Can you help remove them?" I asked.

"Yeah, just turn around." Tran turned around and Andy began plucking out the arrows. "So do you think the arrows work on us?"

Just as Andy had said that, Logan and Rarity walked by. Well sort of, Logan had walked by. Rarity was held in Logan's arms and had her lips locked with his. Every now and then, the two of them let out moans, scarring the two Asians that they had passed. Quite possibly the only reason they were swapping spit were the arrows sticking out of their heads.

Andy let out a single moan of horror. "I hope to god that I will forget about this" Andy said.

I shivered myself. "Lucky you. I have a photographic memory!" I will forever have that memory engraved in my head. *Shivers*

"Well at least we now know that the arrows work on us" Andy said.

"I need to invent brain bleach or something" I said with a grumble. Actually it existed. It's called liquor.

-X-X-X-

Cupid notched another arrow and looked at Andy hundreds of feet down. "Not going to miss this time!" Cupid said. He pulled back on the bow and took aim. Taking in a deep breath, his hooves began its process of becoming perfectly still. When he let out a small portion of the air in his lungs, all movement in his hooves ceased to exist.

Cupid's hoof released the arrow. In the land of magic, science had decided to take over once again. The  slow but still accountable light wind had pushed the arrow down and to the left. Gravity brought the arrow closer to the earth with each passing millisecond. The arrow's natural resistance to the wind affected its velocity, slowing it down but not by much due to the arrow's shape and short, slim shape.

Seconds passed and the arrow was only mere yards away from Andy's stationary head. Cupid, who was watching the arrow soar, waited in excitement for the arrow to finally do its job.

And then Tank flew right in front of Andy. The arrow hit Tank's shell and bounced off of it. The arrow flew for a second before it bounced off the door to someone's truck. A second later and it bounced off a mailbox before finally landing on Twilight's flank. Twilight immediately stopped and and looked forward.

How Cupid's arrows of love worked was that once it struck someone, it would give someone the courage to pursue a relationship with whoever they were thinking of. Cupid would only do something like this on Heart's and Hooves day as everyone would be thinking of someone they want to be with. Albeit rare, this would sometimes lead to enemies falling in love with each other or ponies completely unfit for each each other, falling in love.

Now the arrows worked no matter where they were shot into someone. Even clothed or armored, the arrows would work. The love magic would only seep through whatever was between the arrow and target. The arrows would only wear off when the day ended. After the holiday, most ponies would continue pursuing their relation with whoever they had decided to be with on Hearts and Hooves Day.

Why had Rarity and Logan fallen for each other? He had been thinking of having one of his suits adjusted by Rarity when he was shot while Rarity had been thinking of how she was going to adjust Logan's suit. Nick? Nick was a special case.

Now who was Twilight thinking of? Cadance. In a flash, she teleported away.

Cupid blinked. He missed, again! "Aaaarrrrggg!" Cupid screamed in frustration.

-X-X-X-

"And done" Andy said, dropping another arrow into a nearby bucket. "I got all of them."

I turned around to look at the bucket. It was filled with the monstrous little things. "Now we have a bunch of arrows that we don't need." I picked up the bucket of arrows and dumped it my backpack.

-X-X-X-

Cupid pulled out another arrow and notched it on his bow. "I'm not going to miss this time!" Cupid said. He pulled back the arrow and fired it. The arrow soared through the arrow towards Andy like all of the other arrows he had fired today. Right when the arrow was about to hit Andy, a flowerpot appeared out of nowhere and conveniently shielded him from the projectile.

-X-X-X-

Andy was hit with several pieces of a ceramic flowerpot.  "Aw, what the hell?!" Andy yelled out while turning around.

-X-X-X-

Cupid frowned. "Buuuuuuuuu-"

-X-X-X-

I picked up an arrow of love and stuffed it into my backpack. "Found another one." That was when an arrow hit me in the chest. I hadn't felt the arrow but I did see it. "Oh damn it."

Andy had noticed the arrow too and had hid behind me. "To the library!" Andy said.

With that, three more arrows hit my chest. I quickly pulled them out and stuffed them into my backpack. "You can go do that. I'll be at the market to wait for this holiday to end." Another arrow hit my chest as I walked away from Andy.

"Not my shield!" I heard Andy cry out.

-X-X-X-

The day where everyone is expected to be with their loved ones. Its amusing to see what can happen on this day. From where I sat down on the bench, I was able to watch the ponies that would purchase flowers for their loved ones. Now most ponies in Ponyville bought their roses from one person(pony), Roseluck.

Ponies of all ages, types, and size would go to Roseluck for her roses. For each and every purchase, she would keep her face stoically happy. It was a facade. I had seen my share of loneliness.

On the day where everyone is finding someone to be with and you are alone. Even worse, you are the one who will see people trying to make their special someone(pony) happy.

I got up from my bench and walked over to her stall. I selected a rose and paid for it. "Who's the lucky mare?" Roseluck asked, her face still keeping her facade.

I set the rose back down on her stall and walked back to my bench. I sat back down on the bench. Roseluck, at first, just looked at the single rose.

Roseluck closed her eyes and a single tear rolled down her cheek as her smile was now true. She pulled out a closed sign and set it down on the stall. After she had packed up her stall, she took the single rose and trotted over to me.  "Thank you."

"It looked like you needed it" I said.

"I did" Roseluck said. She looked down at the ground and slowly pawed at the dirt. "Do you want to maybe-"

"Sorry, I'm not looking for a special someon-, er pony." I said interrupting her. Her eyes flopped down as she lost her smile. "But, you looked like you need someone to spend the day with."

She looked back up at me. "What? Why?"

I thought back to the times from my world. "Well you remind me of an old childhood friend of mine." I paused. "No one should be alone on Hearts and Hooves Day. Want to go on some crazy adventure?" I asked her. Crazy adventures were fun.

She looked aghast. "Isn't that dangerous!" She paused for a second. "You're Tran!" No, I thought I was Nick cause I was obviously as big as him.

I resisted the urge to face palm. Just because I'm involved doesn't mean it's dangerous... Okay, nobodies going to fall for that(I laughed a little while writing that small part). "It's not that dangerous. Besides, I'll be there to prevent anything bad from happening."

-X-X-X-

Roseluck dangled off the side of a cliff with only two simple ropes keeping her from falling. "This is not safe!" Roseluck screamed out.

I looked at the rope that kept fer from falling. It was connected to my belt and my Yin & Yang carry rig. "It'll be worth it at the top" I said looking down towards Roseluck. I climbed up a few more feet.

"I'm still dangling off the side of a cliff!" Roseluck screamed out.

I gained a few more feet in elevation. "Rose, calm down and grab onto a ledge."

"That's not helping!"

I pulled on the two ropes until Roseluck was a few feet away from me. "Rose, calm down. Trust me."

Roseluck looked at me and slowly stopped her screams. In a calm fashion, she slowly grabbed the edge of the cliff. Minutes later, we were near the top of the cliff side.

I was the first to reach the top. "Help me up there!" Roseluck screeched out. I grabbed hold of both ropes and pulled her up. When she was finally on solid ground, she began to kiss the very dirt beneath her. "Oh ground how I miss you!" She immediately turned angry and looked at me. "Why did you take me up here?!"

I gripped the top of her head and turned her to face away from me. Roseluck's mouth dropped open. "The view usually makes these trips worth it" I said.

Although the city was refined and filled with the things that made society, it would never be able to match the qualities of nature. Nature would always win with how it could present itself. Anything that the city had to offer, nature was able to match. How anyone could live their whole life without going out to see what used to rule the world, is a mystery to me.

What I will never truly get used to seeing is the world from atop a cliff. It gives you a sense of empowerment over nature. Trees become mere twigs, animals become insects, and the elevation invigorates.

"It's. It's. It's beautiful" Roseluck said.

"Yeah. My favorite reason as to why I do this" I said.

"This almost makes up for almost giving me a heart attack" Roseluck said.

"Now my favorite part. Also, its the hardest. Don't look down" I said.

"And what is that?" Roseluck asked.

"Climbing back down" I said. She adopted a look of anguish and despair as she looked down the cliff.

-X-X-X-

And so, we were sitting back on the same bench as earlier. I was sitting in an upright position(the same as Lyra) while Roseluck was sitting like how a pony would normally sit. "Although you nearly gave me a heart attack, it was exciting" Roseluck said.

She looked at me with a curious expression. "So there's a rumor that you carry a bunch of guns with you along with that sword on your back. Is that true?" She asked while eyeing the Sparda. I chuckled. I unbuckled my Yin & Yang carry rig and placed it beside me. This revealed the two custom pistols and the 26 hundred round magazines for them. "Oh wow."

"Wait for it" I said. I reached inside my jacket and pulled out my Colt Python and my .455 Webley VI. In addition to the two revolvers, I pulled out two sets of speed loaders for each revolver. "Then there's the weapons I can summon at will but those take too long to get out."

"Why do you carry all of that?" Roseluck asked.

"I like guns" I deadpanned. I grabbed my guns and tucked them back in their holsters in addition to the  ammo. "Here, scoot closer to me."

Roseluck hesitated before moving closer to me. I grabbed her and hoisted her up onto my lap. "What are you doing?!" I started scratching her head. "That's the spot!"

Then there were deep, thundering gunshots. "What in the bucking hell?!" Roseluck yelled out.  

I gently pushed Roseluck off of me and stood up. "I'll be right back." Before I walked off, I removed my robes and draped it over Roseluck. "They sounded like they were nearby."

"What?" Roseluck said, looking at the robes.

"It's bulletproof, fireproof, explosion proof, and anything else you can think of" I said. I walked over to the source of the gunshots and found myself at a liquor store. I looked through the front door and found three ponies inside, trying to rob the place.

I pushed open the door and took a step inside. Upon entering, I heard the sound of a bell going off. I dove behind a shelf as several gunshots rang out and bullets impacted the front door. I grabbed two nearby bottles of liquor and got back onto my knees. In an instant, I got to my feet and threw both bottles. One bottle hit one of them in the face, shattering in an instant and covering him in glass shards. The other bottle hit another one of them in the chest, knocking him over and causing him to fall unconscious when he hit his face on the floor. The last pony tried to shoot but wasn't able to because he was hit in the back of the head with a different bottle. He fell down unconscious, revealing the clerk who was holding a partially broken liquor bottle in his mouth.

The clerk spat out the broken bottle. "Thanks" he said.

"Yeah, it was no problem" I said. I walked over to the counter and produced a small bag of bits before placing it on the counter.

The clerk looked confused. He picked up the bag in his hooves and opened poor it onto the counter, revealing several gold bits. "Thank you!"

"The damage to your store should be paid of with that." I walked over to where the robber's guns laid and picked them up. One by one, I snapped them and dropped them to the ground. "Alright, I think that should be enough."

I walked out of the store and back to the bench. "What happened?" Roseluck asked me.

I sat back down next to Roseluck. "Just a liquor store robbery."

"Oh my Celestia! Are you okay?" Roseluck asked.

I scoffed. "You should be asking the robbers."

She looked at the robe. "Do you want this back?" she asked.

"Yeah. It's kinda very expensive." She disrobed and handed me my robe back.

"Thank you" I said while putting it back on. I turned to look at her. "Hey, have you ever shot a gun?"

"No, why would I need to?" Roseluck asked me.

I smiled at her.

-X-X-X-

"Why did I agree to this?" Roseluck asked herself as she held a small revolver in her hooves. "Well, you only live once." She squeezed the trigger and the gun barked in her hooves. She squealed a little bit before firing off a few more rounds. "This is so much fun!" She fired off the rest of the rounds before the revolver went click. "Aw, it stopped." She turned to look at me. "Make it go boom again!"

I laughed as I took the revolver from her hooves. "Watch. Revolvers only have six rounds so you have to load it more often than other firearms." I started to load loose rounds in the revolver, stopping when I hit six. I snapped the revolver shut and held it out for her.

"Actually, can I try one of the guns that you showed me earlier? You know, the one that you carry on your back?" Roseluck asked.

I pulled out Yin. "This one? Are you sure? It'll kick like Big Mac on steroids."

She snatched it from my hands. "Yes." Then she noticed that it had a conventional human trigger instead of a pony trigger. "Hey, what gives?"

I took the pistol from her hands and used my magic to revert it to its pony form. Then I handed it back to her. "There you go."

She squealed before taking it and firing off a shot. The pistol, instead of hitting normal people/ponies in the face, just completely flew out of her hooves and into the sky. Roseluck sheepishly looked at me as she apologized. "Sorry."

I sighed before I held my right hand out. A few seconds passed and Yin fell right into my palm. I flicked the safety and tucked it back in its holster.

-X-X-X-

"You know Tran. Thank you for keeping me company" Roseluck said.

"Yeah. It was fun" I said. Once again, she adopted her fake smile. "You're not going to fool me with that smile."

She shed a tear. "I'm sorry, it's just-"

"Why don't we do this more often? As friends" I said.

She smiled, for real, again. "That would be lovely" Roseluck said.

I spat out my gum and popped a new piece into my mouth. "One ground rule that I will set now. Never. Ever. Touch. My. Gum."