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Bad Company

by Symphony

Chapter 19: Ch. 17 - ...Or not

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The gears in my head ground to a complete, screeching stop as I saw Strawberry stretch and move to sit up on the bed., still looking at me.

“...Good morning?” I gave her an unsure, crooked smile and could feel beads of sweat start rolling down my forehead.

She yawned and stretched her forelegs straight up, her mane still messed up. “What... What time is it?” She asked quietly. I reached for my phone on the nightstand next to me and turned on the screen.

“It's uh.. ten in the morning...” Her eyes widened to a near impossible size and she started fidgeting in place back and forth.

“Oh no, oh no, oh no... I'm two hours late for work!” She bolted up from the bad, snagging a hoof in the cover and fell over. I winced at the bang. She popped up almost instantly, a blush on her face. “I'm okay!” She settled down her mane to its normal style with her magic while sticking her tongue out, looking cross-eyed up at her horn.

I put on my pants and shoes. My shirt was hopefully still outside on the chair where I left it yesterday. Strawberry had already left the room and I could hear her walk down the staircase. I followed her downstairs after getting decently clothed.

Strawberry was pacing around in circles, sometimes stopping to hop around on her hooves and looked genuinely stressed out. “I have to run off to work now! I'll see you later Jay!”

“Sure, I guess...” I scratched the back of my head, averting my eyes from her. Without warning, she hopped up on her back legs and rested her forelegs on my bare stomach and gave me a small peck on my cheek. Instantly after she had bolted out the door and was running down the path to the gate. The door closed slowly behind her. Last thing I saw of her was that she was looking back at me.

The door clicked shut. I dragged my heels into the kitchen and just stared at the appliances. Not feeling thirsty or hungry, I sat down next to the table on a chair and buried my face in my hands, resting my elbows to the table and sighed.

What the fuck have I done?

'You did a pony dude, heh.'

Shut it. What the hell do I do? She obviously think that things will go forward from this. I don't want that, at least until it has been completely proven without a doubt that I can't go back home.

I don't want to get too attached, after all. But how the hell do I tell her that it was just a one-night thing and that I was drunk as shit? Hell, I'll come off as a bigger asshole than what I already am. There's no telling what other ponies would think or say if word would spread. With my luck, it would be a repeat of what happened the first time I was here. Getting chased out of town cause I destroyed something.

Or not. That was perfectly reasonable.

I have to talk to someone that won't judge me that hard, give me a slap at worst maybe.

Rarity? Fuuuuuuck no, she'll probably go off on a rant how that I'm not being a 'gentleman' and get mad at me. I also have a gut feeling telling me that she'd be the type of pony to gossip. Scratch that. Who's next?

Fluttershy? No, she'd probably die of embarassment and never talk to me ever again.

Rainbow? Uh... Since we only made up just yesterday it might be too early.

Pinkie? …

Hell-to-the-fuckin'-no! She'd probably go on another cocaine trip and set up another party and celebrate it instead. A banner that said 'Jay Porked a Pony Party' flashed before my eyes and I shuddered.

Twilight? I thought about it for a few seconds. She's the one I know the best out of them so far. So... Twilight it is then.

I grabbed the keys to the house and walked outside and locked the door. Standing on the porch, I realized I forgot to grab a shirt. I shook my head. The ponies are naked anyway, why would they care?


-Third person-

“I have to say girls, Jay is really starting warm up to staying here I think.” Twilight said to her gathered friends as they sat around the table in her library, enjoying their tea.

Rarity took a small sip from her tea and levitated it down.

“I agree with you, darling. Why, the last few times he was over for measurements or picking up orders for clothes he has stopped calling me a 'overly touchy marshmallow degenerate' and that he would 'set your curly fry mane the fuck on fire if your magic stays on my ass again for longer than two seconds'.” Rarity mimicked the gruff tone of voice Jay used most of the time, making both Fluttershy and Twilight giggle.

“He even mumbles his thanks and tries to be discreet about 'accidentally' leaving some bits for me to keep.” Rarity shook her head. “He sure is one of a kind in terms of personality.”

“He even tried to make me take some payment for the salve for his wounds.” Fluttershy added quietly, then giggled at a memory. “When I said no, he grumbled something about 'commie horses' and nearly started a fistfight with Angel.”

The girls laughed at the humans' antics together and the room returned to silence which was broken from the front door bursting open and the aforementioned human stood there, staring inside at them. His eyes zeroed in on Twilight and he opened his mouth.

“Twilight! I need your help to solve a moral dilemma!” He booted the door shut behind him and sat down on a free chair. Due to the size of it, he sat hunched over in an uncomfortable position and cursed.

“What happened?!” Twilight stood up from her seat and rounded the table, sitting down on the floor next to him. He was rubbing his temples and gritting his teeth. She gave him a quick look over for any visible damage.

His dark brown hair was disheveled and stuck out in odd angles and there were dark bags underneath his hazel eyes and his face was tinted with an odd flush. The detail that stuck out to her was that he wasn't wearing a shirt like he usually did.

His eyes wandered to Rarity and then Fluttershy. The ponies averted their eyes from him as both had been staring at his arms. Fluttershy on the left and Rarity on his right shoulder.

“Oh! Before you begin, perhaps you'd like to put on a top?” Rarity levitated a white saddlebag from her side, opened it and then levitated a red button-up shirt to him. “I was trying something different and was going to come over and deliver this to you but since you're here...” She stared at him with pleading eyes. Jay shrugged.

“Sure, thanks...” He put on the shirt and stared down at his twiddling thumbs.

“So..” Twilight piped up. “What's wrong? What happened to make you rush over here like this?” She made the human look right at her, as if searching his eyes for an answer. He looked away to her friends.

“Before I say anything. Both of you, promise me right now to never leak this to anyone.” The mares nodded. “Same goes for you, Twilight. Promise me that you won't tell anyone about this. Especially not Celestia cause I'd never hear the end of it...”

Now this had the attention of everypony.

“Okay. We all promise not to tell. What's got you so rattled Jay?” Twilight asked with genuine concern for her human friend.

“Well uh... Last night I...” Jay pursed his lips and scratched his chin for a few seconds, trying to find the best way to word it. “...Marinated the nether rod in the squish mitten” He said, making quotation marks with his hands. “With a pony...”

Instantly, Rarity and Fluttershy's faces went beet red and Fluttershy struggled to keep her wings in check. Rarity let out an 'my word' and stared at the man.

Twilight tilted her head to the left.

“Were you cooking with another pony?” She asked. The atmosphere inside the room ground to a halt and everyone turned to her.

“No... I uh... Power drilled the yippee bog with the dude piston...” He said slower. Twilight's eyebrows burrowed. Her friends stared at her, not sure what to make of it.

“Why were you doing house carpentry with a piston and a pony you don't know?” Twilight asked, staring at him incredulously.

“Twilight I swear to God...” He muttered, facepalming. He cleared his throat and spoke up even slower. “I pressure washed the quiver bone in the bitch wrinkle. With a pony.” He made a loop with his thumb and pointer finger on his right hand, moving his left pointer back and forth through the loop.

Pomf!

Fluttershy's wings popped up to their full span and she squeaked in surprise, her blush growing even redder. Rarity was in similar straits, her blush had spread all over her face and she was trying her hardest not to stare at his rude gestures. Swatting his hands with her magic, he stopped.

This time, Twilight's head tilted to the right and her ears perked forward, seemingly lost in thought. “I don't get it.” She stated simply. Jay felt a vein throb on his forehead as he glared at her.

“Twilight. What happen's when a mom and a dad makes a baby pony?” Jay asked with barely contained rage. Twilight was confused.

“Why, they send a letter to the storks along with a written resumé on what they look like so the storks can make the baby look the same as one of them, or both of course.” Twilight said matter-of-factly as if she had just read it out of a fact book.

Complete silence. Jay could feel his vein stretch at it's limits as his left eyebrow twitched madly. Rarity and Fluttershy both stared at their friend with weirded out expressions.

“And who taught you this?” Jay asked, sounding much calmer than what he was.

“Princess Celestia did, she's my teacher after all!”

Jay could hear glass break as he stood up to his full height suddenly and ventured out into the library. After a few minutes he returned to them with two books in his grasp.

“You.” He pointed at Twilight with his left hand completely open. “Read.” His hand switched to the books.

“I don't know how me reading these books will help you with your problem...” She grumbled and read the titles out loud. “Innovative Innuendo and You by Bow-Chicka-Wow-Wow, a yak author. Interesting...” Her gaze moved to the other book. “Goo and You: How Ponies Are Made by Full Mast.

Jay stomped out of the library. “Thanks for nothing, Twilight. Talk to me once you've read through those." The door slammed shut behind him.

“I shall be making my leave as well. Ta for now, darlings!” Rarity left as well, the door clicking shut behind her much quieter.

Fluttershy attempted to sneak out from the library but Twilight spoke up. “Fluttershy, what does 'pornography' mean?”

'Oh dear sweet, loving Celestia... Please save me...' Fluttershy thought before turning back to her friend.


Of course.

The smartest tiny horse that can help even slightly is completely innocent and has been probably tricked by Princess Sunarse into believing that horseshit.

“Jay, wait for me!”

I groaned, stuffed my hands into my pockets and turned to Rarity, levelling a glare on her. “What?”

“I believe I can help you with your problem” She said, taking a few seconds to catch her breath. “I'm the one in our group of friends who's had the most experience in relationships so... I believe I can help you at least a little bit.”

I stared at her for a moment, then sighed. “...Alright. Let's go to your place though. Would look bad if we'd talk about stuff like this in the middle of the street.” Rarity nodded.

“After you.” She replied with a smile.

Author's Notes:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eDGP0h-ULts

I DON'T WANT TO BEAT AROUND THE BUSH

Next Chapter: Ch. 18 - Calm Before the Storm Estimated time remaining: 3 Hours, 22 Minutes
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