The guard led me to a pair of doors that I recognized from my last visit as the doors to the throne room. Without any words the two guards on either side of the door opened them for me and I went in. Unsurprisingly the room was empty save for Celestia standing in the center of the room. She waved me over with a hoof and began to talk, “I heard there was an altercation down in the market section of the city.”

Is that what she wants to talk about, the theft I stopped? Out loud I said, “Yes, a purse was being stolen so I acted to stop it.”

“So I have heard,” She raised an eyebrow at me, “I’m surprised you didn’t kill him given the methods you’ve admitted you preferred.”

“Your student and her friends made sure I didn’t. They may even be right in this case.”

Her eyebrow went even higher, “Is that so? That is surprising coming from you.”

“He was a guy down on his luck so perhaps there is still a chance for him. Thefts aren’t something I usually handle anyway so perhaps my methods would have been wrong for it.”

“What do you usually handle?”

“Rape, murder, slavery, drug and weapon running. Basically if it ends in innocent people getting harmed or killed I get involved. Most thieves prefer not to harm their victim, just steal their stuff.”

“That is true,” She said as she stood directly in front of me, her eyes becoming even more serious, “Twilight also tells me that you stated an interest in magic, something she has not seen in you prior to learning about a time travelling spell.”

My stomach went icy, “It intrigued me and I wanted to learn more that is all.”

She snorted, “John you are a terrible liar so please don’t do it anymore. You want to go back and fix events don’t you?”

I had to struggle not to ask her how she knew that; she was over 1000 years old and like she said I hadn’t had much of an interest in magic prior to hearing of that one spell. Instead I said, “And what if I do? Is there something wrong with that?”

A sigh escaped her lips, “I can think of a few things; such as not knowing what harm it could cause for future events or the potential to end reality if it is changed.”

“Ask me if I give a shit anymore Celestia. At this point my life’s become a complete wreck and I’m not even being given the option to end it so what the fuck do I care if I fuck up everything for everyone else?!” Sweat began to bead on my skin as my anger rose and my temperature with it, “At this point I want my life back, the way it should have been and if I can’t die then I will do whatever it takes to get it!”

Her ears drooped, “That is what I was afraid of John.” She stepped even closer, “Do you think I would not go back to change events from my own life if I could without consequence? You spoke of artifacts that contain magic that could be used by someone without magic. If they do exist then why have I not used them or allowed anypony else to use them?” Before I could answer that she went on, “There are consequences to using such artifacts often harmful on top of the potential problems from changing the timeline.”

I understood what she was saying but my own pain was all I could see, “I don’t care. Perhaps that makes me a bad guy but I’ve already done terrible shit so if I have to do more to fix my life I will.”

Another sigh came from her, “I’m sorry to hear that John though I guess I am not surprised. Part of me hoped you would see sense and in doing so let go of these plans. However I will say that I do not think ill of you for it and I continued to hope for the best for you.” Her horn flashed and the doors opened and Twilight, her friends, Luna, Tough Hoof and Windfall entered the throne room.

Twilight asked, “You said you wanted to see us princess?”

Celestia nodded, “While there is more to John’s story than what we have heard so far I believe I’ve heard enough for now. Twilight, I charge you and your friends along with Tough Hoof and Windfall to watch over John. He must never be left alone otherwise I fear he may be able to fulfill his goal of self termination. Continue to be his friends for I believe as Sheeva does that friendship is the only thing that will save him.

They all bowed, “Of course princess” Twilight said, “We will watch over him.”

Celestia smiled at her, “I know you will, all of you. One more thing; he would try to use magical artifacts to go back in time. There is too much that could go wrong if such a thing could happen so he must not be allowed to get his hands on them.”

“How dare you,” I exploded, “You have no goddamn right to force this on me!”

Celestia looked at me with sad eyes, “As the ruler of Equestria I am responsible for all within its borders. You will not give up your self-destructive desires and you seek means that could have disastrous consequences. That gives me the right to do this to you. I realize you probably hate me however I sincerely hope that one day I will not have to do this to you.” She turned away, “I wish you the best. Goodbye.”

I felt so helpless; angry but with no weapons and surrounded by magic using ponies I could do nothing. Turning on my heel I marched out with my fists and teeth clenched. Nopony said a word to me as we made our way back to the train station however they didn’t let me out of their sight either. The train ride back to Ponyville was just as silent with everypony just looking worriedly at me.

As we got out at Ponyville Sheeva appeared before us to tell me that she had some business to take care of so she wouldn’t be around for a while. She went on to tell us that she trusted my care to my new pony overlords and that she couldn’t wait to see how they did when she was able to return. After that she left and I trudged through town to my cottage where I sat in an angry stupor for a while.

Windfall sat where she could see me but otherwise left me alone, probably because I looked like I would tear limbs off for fun at that point. How dare they think they can choose for me! What gives them any right to do so? Since I was sitting at my computer station I could turn to the gun and equipment racks which I did, testing them to see if I could access them. Of course I couldn’t; when my hand got close a shield of some kind suddenly appeared and blocked me.

Windfall said, “Sheeva told us while you were talking to the princess’ that she put a shield around your weapons so you couldn’t use them. Your coat and gauntlet are in there too.” I growled to myself but said nothing. Eventually I began to calm down enough to look at my options since brute forcing my way out of this didn’t seem to be an option. Ok, option 1 would be to look for alternative ways to kill myself. There’re quite a few ways I could go about doing that but I’m pretty sure that’s why I’m being watched at all times by the ponies. If I’m going to go with that option I’m going to have to either find a way to ditch whoever is following me or I’m going to have to fight them. They have magic and wings so neither option is very pretty and as much as I hate what they are doing I don’t want to harm them unnecessarily.

Shaking my head at that option I kept thinking, Alright, option 2 is the obvious given my situation; just let the ponies help me. Who knows it might even work and like Tala said in her message, if I don’t try than I will never find that happiness we had again. For once it almost sounded like a half decent idea even if I didn’t really believe it would work or should for that matter.

Another though popped into my head, Option 3 would be to try and find a magical artifact I can use to stop my life from becoming like this is the first place. Sadly like option 1 the ponies are going to be looking out for that as well and I’d have to ditch or harm them to accomplish it. A light bulb suddenly went on, Unless I can do it in such a way that they are unaware of what I am doing then I have a chance. If I can do that though then why not take option 1? Oh who am I kidding, I know why; for the first time in years I see a way I can fix everything and make it as though it never happened so I’m going to take it!

With hope beginning to rise within me I turned to working out what I needed to do and how I was going to accomplish it without being noticed. In many ways it felt like preparing for my raids against criminal strongholds and I enjoyed the sense of familiarity. On top of that it felt good to do something rather than just sit around being forced into something I had no control over. A better life could be within my grasp and I was going to reach out and take it!