I felt warm light against my eyelids, soft support on my back and some thick warm coverings on my torso. If it weren’t for the fact that I was a terrible human being and the fact that my head felt about three times its usual size I might have guess I was in heaven. At the same time it certainly didn’t feel like hell; well no more than my life usually did. Sadly for me the only conclusion that I could draw was that I was still alive.

Even as that thought crossed my mind I began to recall the night before; the crashing ship, the trip through the forest, finding and fighting Wilhelm, his death, the ponies trying to stop my suicide and finally…my wife. My heart ached even thinking about her appearance though it did leave me with a mystery, two actually. There were a lot of questions I had about the message itself while the second mystery was why I didn’t feel any pain from my injuries.

I tried to move my arm, push aside the warm coverings when I realized they were incredibly heavy for blankets. A small groan reached my ears and I slowly opened my eyes to see Windfall was sleeping across my arm and my chest as well. She wasn’t alone either; Tough Hoof was also sleeping on the bed with us. Looking past her I could see his head and forelegs on my stomach while his torso covered my arm.

With them there I couldn’t see my injuries however I felt no pain. Another thing I noticed quickly is that my coat, weapons and even my gauntlet were gone. How they got it off I hadn’t a clue at the time since it had tamper resistant programs. A stab of disappointment hit me; I was free from Wilhelm but I was now at the mercy of ponies who were determined to make me live.

My eyes began to roam around the room; first thing I noticed was the large covered bed we were sleeping in. It had a purple mattress, cover and curtains with white for the poles and structural parts. The rest of the room was white with gold or purple accompaniments save for the window which had a golden look to it. Even though I had only been there once I was able to tell the architecture was that of Canterlot.

Windfall began to stir as my movements, little as they were interrupted her sleep. Blinking those enormous eyes of hers she raised her head and looked at me. Relief filled her eyes upon seeing me, probably because I was still alive. Neither of us said ‘good morning’; it just didn’t seem appropriate for the occasion. After a few more minutes of uncomfortable silence she spoke softly, “I am glad you are alive John, even if you aren’t.”

What could I say that wouldn’t have been expected to that so I just asked, “What happened to my injuries?”

“Oh Luna and Celestia used their magic to heal them after you fell asleep. Do they hurt?”

“No they don’t which is why I was surprised. They did a good job,” I stopped before saying something like ‘I wish they hadn’t’. At this point Tough Hoof stirred and woke up. His head came up to look at my own and he smiled a little.

“Welcome to a new day John,” He said, “Like your wife said, you are still here so there is still hope for you.”

I growled, “Relentless much Tough Hoof? Last night might not have gone as planned but that doesn’t mean I’m suddenly ready to live.”

He sighed, “Of course you aren’t. I wish you could see how much it saddens us to hear that.” Standing up and jumping off the bed he began to slowly walk toward the door, “Princess Celestia asked us to inform her when you wake up. Everypony wants to talk with you today so be ready for that.”

As the door shut behind him I ran my hands down my face, “Great, more peppy pony pep talks.” Looking at Windfall I asked, “Do you know who all is going to be there?”

Cocking her head to the side in thought she answered, “Both Princess Celestia and Luna will be there as will Tough Hoof and myself. Twilight and her friends will be there as well.”

“That is a lot of ponies just for me don’t you think?”

She shrugged, “Well this is a big deal. Equestria is more or less a happy place and I can’t recall anypony ever being suicidal. Since it something new and important I can’t say I’m surprised that all these ponies are going to be there.”

While she spoke she stood up and got off the bed as well so I swung my legs over the side and sat up. I had to ask, “Why is it such a big deal that I want to die? Yeah it may not be a thing over here but is it really so bad? It’s not like I’m some innocent talented person who is just sad at the moment.”

Windfall sat on her haunches and crossed her forelegs, “I beg to differ. You may not see yourself that way but I certainly do. Whatever else you’ve done it seems as though you were someone who was innocent and was wronged terribly. Those wrongs have stuck with you and have shaped your thinking in terrible ways. Tough Hoof, I and all the other ponies see that and want to help lift that burden from you.”

Before I could say anything the door reopened and Tough Hoof and Celestia walked in. Celestia gave me a warm smile; surprisingly to me given she hadn’t been very happy with me last time we met. “Good morning John,” She said, “I am relieved to see you are recovering well. Are you ready to have breakfast with myself and a few others?”

My eyebrow went up, “A breakfast in which you hope to convince me to live?”

To my surprise again she chuckled, “Perhaps though what I really wish to do is hear your story.”

“You want to hear my story?”

“Yes. How else will I or anypony else understand you if we do not know the story behind it? Perhaps once we know the full story a solution can be found.”

“Pfft. Good luck with that.”

Her face got this smirk on it, “Well at the very least we will see what makes you so worthy of death and perhaps we will finally stop trying to help you. Would that not be worth it?” Okay so it was pretty obvious she was more or less playing me to get me to do what she wanted and we both knew it. However what we also both knew was that it made sense which is probably why she went with it.

I acquiesced, “Very well. Shall we go to this breakfast then?”

With a smile she turned and began walking back out the door, “Why yes I think we shall.” Windfall and I followed her down the hall until we came to a dining room. Oddly enough there were no servants that I could see. The room itself was warm and inviting with an earthier coloring and decoration scheme to it. There were no windows though, just the one door giving the room a private feeling to it.

On the table were stacks of pancakes of all flavors, muffins, cake, cupcakes, and some cereal along with jugs of milk. Seeing and smelling these familiar and delicious looking foods reminded my stomach that I had no eaten since yesterday. As if that wasn’t enough to make me hungry I had been in a fight which made me ravenous. Before I could go indulge myself my eyes finally made me aware that ponies were sitting all around the table.

At one end of the table Celestia sat down on a pillow, gesturing with one hoof for me to sit to her right. Windfall sat to my right as I did so and Tough Hoof sat to her right. To Celestia’s left were Luna then Twilight, Applejack, Fluttershy, Sheeva, Rainbow Dash, Rarity and Pinkie Pie to Tough Hoof’s left to finish the circle. Wait a minute…SHEEVA?! Doing a double take I looked back to see that indeed she was hovering just a little above the pillow at her place.

She didn’t have her usual smirk on but she did give me a small smile and a wave. A question formed in my mind and came right out, “I’m surprised you didn’t show up last night Sheeva.”

From her came an explosive frustrated sigh, “I wish I could have. To be honest I did see what was going on and I had intended to intervene. However Scholla intervened and stopped me from intervening. Have you met her yet?” As my head shook negative she explained, “She’s the eldest of my kind and is the closest thing we have to a ruler. Normally she doesn’t interfere with my actions since I’m usually careful to only bend our non interference law instead of break it.”

Sheeva ran a hand through her hair, staring at the table as if concentrating on remembering the night’s events. “In this case she saw what I was about to do and decided it was going too far. She kept me from acting but also forced me to watch. While she said that it was our place to watch and not intervene I can’t help but think that it was partially a punishment for all the times I’ve bent that stupid law.”

Someone who can actually put you in your place Sheeva? Now THERE’S someone I’d like to meet! Of course she heard that as if I said it aloud and gave me a withering glare with all three eyes. Sounding almost like she was grating her teeth she continued, “Thankfully things did not end as badly as I feared. To be honest I was as surprised as you by your wife’s recording in her gift to you but I am glad she did it. I doubt otherwise you would have stopped.” She turned to smile at Windfall and Tough Hoof, “I am grateful for your part in stopping him though.”

Windfall said, “We’re rather glad to have been a part of it ourselves.”

Celestia said, “I am proud of you my little ponies for your efforts to save this one’s life even if he is not. Come now, let us eat and we can get down to business.” As we gathered our food mostly pancakes, muffins, and cereal for me, I glanced around and noticed to my surprise that Celestia only had cake on her plate along with a cup of tea. We sat in silence save for some idle chitchat as we began eating.

I took a bite of my first pancake; it was delicious. There was the perfect amount of fluffiness and flavor in each bite. Those with fruits in them blended the flavor of the fruit in without distracting from the rest of the taste. My memory ran back to younger years; to home and family and sitting around eating pancakes like these. Even the idle chit-chat reminded me of the times I had spent with my family.

Luna suddenly had a look of concern on her face, “John what is troubling you?” That got everypony at the table to look my way. Just as I was about to ask what she was talking about I realized there were hot tears pouring down my cheeks. Hands wiping away my tears I replied, “Just thinking of home.”

Sheeva gave me a knowing nod while holding a forkful of pancake, “It’s surprisingly primal isn’t it John?”

I nodded, “Yeah. The food tastes just like mom used to make.”

Windfall nuzzled me, “How long has it been since they…died?”

“It’s been eight years or so now. Why do you ask?”

Her voice dropped to a soft almost whisper, “I thought time was supposed to heal all wounds.”

From my lips came a bitter laugh, “That’s such a pile of horseshit. Time doesn’t take the pain away at all. All time does for you is allow you to spend longer periods forgetting what you’ve lost.”

Celestia smiled sadly and knowingly at us, “John is correct, if vulgar about it. When I think about friends I’ve lost no matter how long ago it was I can still feel the pain of their absence.”

It surprised me to hear her admit that so openly and I felt compelled to ask, “Celestia, how do you handle it? I believe I asked this last time I was here but I have to ask again. How do you standing outliving the ones you love over and over?”

Her smile didn’t waver but there was a note of pain beneath it now. She answered, “I have learned a measure of acceptance of it. It doesn’t stop the pain but it allows me to bear it. In addition I learned to look forward to those friendships I still had and to try to look ahead to what new friendships may yet await me. Thanks to my long lifespan I have met many ponies and each has been unique and special. That allows me to retain the thrill of discovery to help me continue. There is one more thing; my sister and my friend Sheeva. They provide me with pillars that will be with me no matter who comes and goes in my life. As much as I had gotten used to watching ponies through the ages I find it comforting to now have those pillars.” Comforting eyes turned to grab mine, “Does that answer your question John?”

“It does, thank you. Unfortunately I do not think it provides me with the answers I would need.”

An eyebrow lifted over her one eye, “And why is that?”

“My desire to die stems from more than just those I’ve lost though I must admit they certainly are a large part of it.”

A cup of tea lifted on golden magic went to her white lips. After a sip of the tea inside she set the cup down and turned back to me. Gently she asked, “Perhaps you would be so kind as to enlighten us more fully as to your reasons?”

Sheeva cut in too, “Tell them the whole story John. Start from the beginning and tell them all that has happened these past ten years.”

My turn to raise my eyebrow, “That is a lot to tell Sheeva.”

She rolled all three of her eyes, “Yes it is, I get it. On one hand you want them to understand in hopes that they will let you die as you wish and yet you still reflexively have trouble trusting them enough to tell them the whole story. Well if you don’t tell them I will do more than tell them; I’ll show it to them using my power! You can bet I’ll make sure they see the need to help you too!”

Too bad glares can’t kill because she would be so fucking dead. “Very well,” I ground through gritted teeth, “I’ll tell them myself.” Taking a deep breath that doubled as a sigh I began to tell my tale, “I’ve told at least part of my story before I know but I am going to tell those parts again. The reason for this is that I will try to go in order and if I leave them out I may lose track of where I am time wise.”

Nods of understanding met my words so I continued, “Well this all starts around 10, almost 11 years ago now. Back then I was in college or higher education if that makes it easier to understand.” A little wistfulness got in my voice as I said, “If you can believe it I wanted to be a writer at the time. I wanted to tell stories and create worlds for people to enjoy. It was my hope that I could entertain people or give them a temporary surcease of the problems they faced.”

Twilight somehow seemed to perk up even more despite already listening raptly, “You wanted to be a writer?! That’s great! Oh I wonder what kind of books you would have written. Wait, how did you go from being a writer to being a killer?”

I fixed my glare on her, “I’m getting to that.” Sheepishly she folded her ears down and nodded so I continued, “I had a friend there named Rachel who was almost the opposite of me. Whereas I was of the nerdy persuasion she was an athlete and health nut.” To my surprise I found myself smiling at the memories, “We used to tease each other mercilessly about those differences but at the end of the day we still enjoyed spending time together.”

A snort from Rainbow Dash interrupted me, “Hard to believe a guy like you making friends with anypony.” My glare combined with others from her friends to shut her up.

“Anyway,” I said, “One day I’m walking home from class when I hear a struggle coming from an alleyway. At the time there were rumors going around about people being kidnapped from campuses all over the world so I thought that was what was happening. I was going to call the police when I heard Rachel’s voice in there. She was the one they were attempting to kidnap. That made my instincts kick in and before I knew it I was rushing down the alleyway and throwing myself against the thugs trying to take her. It wasn’t until after I had joined in I realized her would be abductors weren’t from our world.”

Luna smiled at me, “It was very brave and noble of you to help your friend. Were you able to save her?”

I nodded, “Yes, in the confusion she got away however I ended being taken in her place. To be honest I wasn’t what they wanted; they were taking healthy athletic people like her. The only reason they took me was because they didn’t want to go home empty handed nor did they want me talking about what I had seen. They would have gone after her for the same reason but I had delayed them long enough for it to not be worth the effort. That is how I ended up aboard a ship called the Stringent Income.”

Celestia asked, “So they had taken other humans as well then?”

“Yeah they did. My memories are blurry about what happened after the alley but I do recall at one point being in a medical bay. According to what I was told later that is where they implanted a translator in my ears so I could understand what was said to me. Next thing I recall for certain is being in a large space with a bunch of other humans, a metal collar around my neck and various aliens standing in front of us. Their leader addressed us, letting us know that we were basically their slaves now. The collars were our control devices that could cause us pain if we resisted or blow our heads off if need be too.”

Everypony looked completely shocked and appalled by that. Celestia even lost her composure, “Such cruelty…I have not seen such things in over a millennia. I must admit I fear what other atrocities you will speak of but please continue.”

My voice was low as I said, “Yeah, I’m afraid it isn’t over just yet. We were then informed that our purpose was to basically be their cannon fodder to be used in expendable and dangerous roles. They were going to give us some basic training so we wouldn’t be entirely useless but only basic training. The one glimmer of hope they gave us was that if we survived eight missions we’d get better training. If we survived ten missions we’d earn our freedom and could join the crew or leave if we wished.”

Applejack raised an eyebrow, “Ah don’t know if Ah would have trusted them on that one. It sounds mighty generous from a bunch of kidnapping, no good varmints.”

She did have a good point and I said so then added, “I do think it had a practical side to it though. By dangling that bit of hope in front of us it helped ease the idea of us trying to revolt or resist them. After all why get your head blow off when you have the option of earning back your freedom? The captain then pointed out the other aliens with him as our instructors and handlers. After that he left and we were put through our first session.”

Windfall asked, “Was Wilhelm one of those instructors?”

With a heavy sigh of pain I said, “Yes he was. He was also one of the kidnappers who had tried to take Rachel and ended up with me instead. Thanks to that he took an instant disliking to me and went out of his way to make my life hell. All our lives were made into living hells but in his case he took a special interest in making mine the worst he could. There was nothing he wouldn’t do; rape, torture, beatings, and nearly killing me only to have them nurse me back to health so he could do it all over again were just some of what I endured at his hands.”

Windfall had tears in her eyes and laid a hoof on my hand, “No wonder you hated him so much.”

“Also why I very much enjoyed beating him into a pulp then killing him.”

Before I could say more I heard full on crying and looked over to see Fluttershy in tears and sobbing. She looked at me with the same kindness filled sorrow that she had upon hearing of those I had lost and I felt my heart break again. Her wings brought her over the table next to me and she enveloped me in a hug that felt very warm and comforting, like a security blanket had just been draped around me.

I could feel hot tears running down her face as she whispered, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so very sorry. They were so cruel to you; you need kindness so badly.” My hands came up in a reflex to try and push her away. The last thing I wanted was to make myself vulnerable through more emotional outbursts. However I could not do it; whatever had broke last night made me emotionally raw and I began to cry again against her shoulder. A hoof rubbed my back as she sobbed that it was ok, it was going to be ok.

A warm feeling of comfort began spread through me, though I tried desperately to stop it. What is it with these ponies? How can they do this so easily? Or is it perhaps something on this planet?

It is the ponies John, specifically these ponies, came the voice of Sheeva, They are all rather special. Windfall and Tough Hoof are the most ordinary of this group however they too have a part to play that makes them special.

A few more minutes passed as the ponies waited for me to stop crying. As I used my palms to wipe away my tears I went to resume my story. “For about a year I was their captive, forced to fight for them. Most of the humans that were with me died during that time,” I stopped as I recalled those times. Shaking away the memories I continued, “I don’t know why I survived when others didn’t. Almost all of them were more physically fit than I was so why am I the one who lived through it? Was it luck or was there a purpose to it?”

Sighing I said, “Hell, I don’t know what the truth is. Anyway thanks to my surviving I got the foundations of my combat skills in the form of experience and more training. When the time was up I elected to go home and to my surprise they dropped me off back on Earth.”

Applejack asked, “If ya got to go home then how did you end up away from home and killin’ things?”

My face contorted in a grimace, “Because the fairy tales with happy endings are complete bullshit Applejack. I wasn’t home a day before I got grabbed and stuffed into a van. As it turns out that there really were some government agencies that were watching for alien activity. They thought I was an alien so they interrogated and experimented on me. No matter what I said they never believed that I was human. To be honest I nearly died in their care. One day I overheard the guards talking about how I was going to be killed and dissected to learn the truth.”

Celestia put a hoof to her mouth, “Oh my goodness that’s horrible. How did you escape that fate?”

My mouth almost made it to a smile, “Irony is how. During my time aboard the Stringent Income I did manage to befriend one or two of the crew. The main technician of the ship was actually really nice. When she had joined up she didn’t know what they were doing and it horrified her when she found out. She used to try and show me kindness when she could get away with it. Her named was Bre’tta and she was the one who rescued me from my own people.”

Sheeva raised a hand, “I looked into that group some time ago John. It turns out that they were a rogue element of a larger agency. Apparently the rogue group was so paranoid about the possibility of an alien invasion that they decided to do things their way.”

My eyebrow went up, “Really?”

She smirked, “C’mon John, how smart would it be for your people if their policies towards new species were ‘experiment and kill all the things’? No the actual policy was to attempt peaceful contact if possible though to be ready in case of hostility.”

“Yeah ok that makes a lot more sense. I always wondered how that could be considered a good idea.” I shook my head, “Of course I would end up being found by the group that does want to kill all the things.”

Luna softly asked, “So what happened next?”

“We fled the planet and joined up with others she had been recruiting and bringing together. All of us were former abductees of the Stringent Income and she was offering us a chance at revenge. She hated what they were doing and had been looking for a chance to escape. One had presented itself and she took it. They were pursuing and hunting her now for it of course. Her only chance was to take them out before they could kill her but she couldn’t do it by herself. For that reason she had been tracking everyone down she could and getting us ready to fight back.”

Celestia held up a hoof, “I think that is enough for now John. Luna, Sheeva if you would both accompany me I believe we have a lot to talk about. Twilight, would you and your friends please accompany John around Canterlot?”

Twilight nodded eagerly, “Of course princess we would be honored to do so!”

Celestia smiled at Twilight, “Thank you Twilight. Perhaps when you return we will hear more of the story.”