“Then we had a big dance party to celebrate the wedding and Cadence and Shining Armor rode off to their honeymoon. It was the best wedding ever!” After finishing that story Rainbow Dash looked at me with a gleeful smile on her face, “What did you think?”

Truthfully I replied, “I have to admit that I’m rather impressed. From my experiences so far here in Equestria I never would have imagined anything like this happening let alone expecting anypony to actually do any fighting. Not only did the six of you fight but apparently kicked a lot of ass. Even for someone with my experience fighting that fight would have been a big challenge yet you guys won the day even after being captured.”

Twilight spoke up, “We may not like fighting but we will when we have to though as far as I know we’ve never killed anypony doing so.”

“Yeah about that, have you ever had any problems with the villains you defeated coming back to try again?”

Twilight tapped a hoof to her chin, “Um…I can’t really recall any that did. Discord was a villain we defeated and he did get released eventually but we were the ones to release him.”

Applejack said, “We were asked to try and reform him.” She had the most skeptical look on her face as she actually made air quotes with her hooves, “So he’s ‘good’ now.”

Fluttershy actually joined in the conversation, “Applejack, Discord really is reformed. He and I exchange letters all the time and he’s my friend so I trust him.”

Rainbow rolled her eyes, “Yeah because he’s so trustworthy.”

Fluttershy actually looked a little angry, “You never gave him a chance Rainbow Dash. Nopony gave him a chance but me. I know he did a lot of bad things but how else were we going to have a chance of changing him if we weren’t willing to give him a chance to change?”

Twilight nodded, “Fluttershy is right. To be honest I don’t trust him but if it wasn’t for Fluttershy giving him a chance and showing him the value of friendship he would still be a villain. According to Celestia he hasn’t done anything wrong since then.”

My arms crossed as I processed that statement in my mind, “Any others that came back?”

Rarity said, “Well there was the time Trixie came back to get revenge against you Twilight and ended up taking over Ponyville.”

“True but she was being corrupted by the alicorn amulet.”

Pinkie jumped in, “Well what about the Diamond Dogs? They might have been the ones John killed. Eww! That word is nasty!” She stuck out an impossible long tongue and began running her hooves over it like she was trying to get a nasty taste off of it, “Nasty word! Nasty!”

Twilight did an affectionate roll of the eyes, “Maybe but problems with the dogs are a lot more widespread than just in Ponyville. It’s definitely the work of more than one pack.”

Hearing that made me want to volunteer to try and deal with their dog problem in my own manner however I wasn’t going to stick around much longer if all went well so I didn’t. I did ask, “Is anything being done about the problem?”

Twilight said, “Celestia is aware of the problem but she hasn’t said anything to me about what they’re doing about it though. I’m sure she has a plan or is working on the problem. Speaking of Celestia…we’re almost there.” My gaze turned out the window as we came out of a mountain tunnel and beheld not just a castle but an entire city. From Ponyville all I could see was the castle but up close I could see it was far more than just a castle.

It was surrounded by a wall complete with drawbridge and a moat though the moat looked less like a defensive measure and more decorative. The prevailing theme was pure white with gold trim. There was a hole in wall designed for the train to enter and led directly to the train station. We exited the train and I stopped to look around with Windfall gaping beside me at the city. To be honest it was almost cute how awed she was.

She saw me looked over at her expression and blushed a little, “I’ve never been to Canterlot before and to be able to actually see the capital in person is so cool.”

I went to reply but a hoof tapped my arm followed by a soft, “Um, excuse me Mr. Tracker?”

Turning I saw Fluttershy standing next to me with a kindly expression in her eyes and I asked, “Fluttershy right? Is there something you need?”

Given how timid she had been for most of the trip I was surprised when she put her hoof on my hand, “I just wanted to say that I’m sorry for what happened to your parents and your brothers. It seems like you’ve had it rough for a while so if you ever feel like you need to talk about it you can talk to me ok?” In her eyes was such kindness and compassion I felt like tearing up.

I managed to stammer out a ‘thank you’ and walked away before I really lost it but Applejack came trotting up next to me. She gave me a knowing smile, “Finding it hard to handle Fluttershy’s offer?”

“A bit…though I’m surprised given how timid she had been up until now.”

“She saw how much it hurt ya John. Fluttershy is one of the nicest ponies you will ever meet. As shy as she is, she hates to see ponies or anyone really, hurting and it overcomes her fear.”

“I see,” I said then went quiet and tried to focus on other things such as the city of Canterlot. It was the most spacious city I had seen bar none with wide streets and walkways. Even most of the buildings had quite a bit of space between them. The city was also incredibly clean with none of the usual grime and refuse I was used to seeing in large cities. Another thing that stuck out to me was that a lot more ponies here were wearing clothes compared to Ponyville.

On the surface it looked like a wonderful place to live which caused my skeptical side to start wondering what kind of underworld they had here. Usually the nicer a place looks the more it had to hide which I wanted to investigate. My plan to try and get myself thrown out of Equestria reasserted itself so I put thoughts of the criminal underworld here out of my mind and went back to looking around.

Another thing I noticed was there was a lot of water in this city; streams ran all over the place and ponds were rather prevalent. It wasn’t unusual to see fountains either or greenery and it definitely lent to the ambience of the city as whole. I asked Twilight about it and she looked pleased at the opportunity to share some knowledge, “A little further up the mountain is a lake where the snow that constantly caps the mountain goes as parts of it melt. From that lake runs a river which was partially diverted when the castle was originally built here a long time ago.”

Taking a breath she continued, “As the city of Canterlot was formed and grew over time the river was further diverted to add beauty to the city and even a little bit of defense.”

“I see. Well it certainly does spruce the place up quite a bit I must say.”

Twilight was obviously pleased to hear that, smiling happily as she said, “Canterlot is the center of Equestria after all. Nothing but the best for our capital!” She wasn’t the only one who was enthusiastic; Windfall and Rarity were both looking around. Windfall was looking in awe at every little thing she saw while Rarity was more focused. If anything she seemed to be looking for something specific but wouldn’t necessarily know what it was until she saw it.

Before long we came to the castle grounds where some of the golden armored guards were posted. They seemed to recognize Twilight though they still asked her about me and the purpose of her bringing me there. While she explained what was going on I got to take a better look at these guards and three things stood out; the first being that all the guards shared one of two color schemes on their fur and manes and the second was that they were all stallions and lastly they were all unicorns or pegasi with no earth ponies that I could see.

Once Twilight was done explaining our purpose there we were allowed in though to my surprise there was no weapon check or anything. The castle was very beautiful as well with lots of windows letting in light and bright colors to catch the light. In one particular hallway I noticed a lot of stain glassed windows depicting various scenes and I began to notice many of them starting to relate to the group of ponies I found myself walking with.

They really hadn’t exaggerated when they said that they had gone on a lot of adventures. Even Spike had his own window as well as one that had to be of Shining Armor and Cadence if Rainbow’s story was to be believed. As I passed one of the windows I stopped dead in my tracks causing Windfall, who had fallen behind as she looked at every little thing to bump into me. Everypony else also stopped and turned to look at me with Rarity asking, “Is anything wrong?”

The window I was looking at depicted the six of them with halos of light around their heads and firing beams of the same colored light at an evil looking alicorn mare. What caught my eye and held me there was the mare’s cutie mark…it was the exact same mark as Luna’s. “A pony’s cutie mark…are they unique to each pony or do they occur in multiple ponies,” I asked.

Twilight answered, “Each pony’s cutie mark is unique and nopony ever has the same exact mark as another pony.”

That could only mean one thing, “So this mare…she has the same cutie mark as Princess Luna. How does that work?”

Twilight looked surprised, “Luna hasn’t told you?”

“Told me what?”

She looked rather uncomfortable, “I don’t think it’s my place to tell you John. You should probably ask her yourself when you get the chance.” With that she turned and walked down the hall again obviously eager to get away from the topic. I filed the window away in my mind but was determined to get answers as soon as I could as I marched after them. At the end of the hallway were two very large ornate doors with a armored unicorn on either side of the doors.

Without a word their horns glowed and the doors opened inviting us inside. More windows lined this place with copies of each of the stained glass windows I had seen before among them. A long red carpet ran from the edge of the door to a raised golden dais with a golden throne with red cushioning. Flowers and little fountains adorned each side of the dais and next to and slightly below the throne were spaces were a pony could stand or sit on either side.

Standing in front of the throne at the top of the steps leading up to it was a large white alicorn with a mane that wasn’t quite a rainbow in color but that’s the closest description I can give its color scheme. Like Luna her mane was flowing as if in the wind though we were still inside. Her eyes watched me with some curiosity and though I might have imagined it I thought I saw some empathy in her eyes. She wore a golden and gemmed tiara and necklace. This could only be Princess Celestia and I vaguely remembered seeing her shortly after I arrived in Equestria when I was still watching Ponyville through binoculars.

However she was not alone; to her right stood her sister, Princess Luna who looked rather angry and if her gaze was any indication she was directing that anger at me. What the hell did I do now, I wondered. I quickly forgot that however when I looked over at Celestia’s left and saw, sitting cross legged in mid air and waving at me with that stupid fucking shit eating grin on her face was Sheeva.

Seeing her there reminded me of the situation I was in and how it was all her fault. Something inside me snapped and I shouted, “You fuckstick,” while drawing the desert eagle Tala had given me with my right hand and firing it at her. The bullet struck a shield around her that wasn’t visible until the bullet hit it. That room got so quiet that the spent cartridge from the shot I fired hitting the floor was the loudest sound to be heard.

Sheeva sighed, “Really John? Trying to kill me right in front of everypony. Decided to abandon your rule of not killing innocents again have we?”

I actually laughed when she said that though it was not a happy laugh and more of a derisive laugh but the first laugh in a long time nevertheless. My hand holding the gun never wavered, “You think you’re innocent? Oh please, I could make a list of things you are guilty of that I wouldn’t hesitate to kill someone for doing. You’ll probably claim that it was all done with the best of intentions however a certain phrase about the road to hell comes to mind.”

Sheeva shrugged, “Yes I would claim that and I stand by my actions just as for the most part you stood by yours. Its not like I didn’t know how angry you were with me so I’m glad I was prepared.” Before I could issue a rebuttal the sound of hoof steps came from behind us as two guards came toward me carrying spears though I didn’t recall the guards carrying those when we came in. They pointed them at me and told me to drop my weapon and surrender.

The gun in my hand suddenly was surrounded by midnight blue light and it was yanked from me before coming to rest next to an even angrier looking Luna. Celestia didn’t look happy either but her voice was even and gentle as she said, “Please John there is no need for violence here. There are some things I need to explain but I want you to be assured that I don’t desire to hurt you nor do anything to you other than help you.”

My voice was a growl as I said, “I don’t want help. Not from you or Luna or Windfall or Sheeva or anyone else! What I want is to leave this planet, go back to my mission and complete it!” A sharp poke reminded me of the spear holding guards, “And if you poke me again there will indeed be violence!”

Perhaps the guard felt like he had to show me that he wasn’t afraid of me because he did it again only this time I grabbed the end of the spear and yanked him toward me. His surprised face flew forward to plant itself into my now raised boot and he dropped like a stone holding a bleeding muzzle. With an enraged cry his buddy lunged at me and tried to stab me but I turned it aside with the first guy’s spear then jabbed the blunt end into his face. As he reeled back in pain I spun the spear around and brought the sharp end crashing down onto the top of his head though only with the flat of the metal so it only knocked him unconscious instead of killing him.

Celestia and Luna gave a yell of rage with Celestia saying, “There was no need for that! I would have stopped them from mistreating you further! How dare you attack my little ponies?!”

Their horns began to glow and I prepared to dodge an attack however Sheeva floated in between us and held up a hand for calm. The two alicorns didn’t stand down but they did get quiet and looked at her questioningly. Sheeva said, “I had a feeling something like this would happen.” She turned to look at me, “I’ve known you for far too long John and of course I happened to overhear your thoughts about trying to convince the princesses to make you leave Equestria. Fortunately for me and though you don’t believe it for you as well I was prepared for this like I was prepared for you to try and shoot me.”

With a wave of her hand the two guards became nothing more than light and vanished. Turning back to the princesses she continued, “I soundproofed the room so the real guards outside didn’t hear anything and created two fake guards with my power for him to attack. In reality he has not actually hurt anypony.” A mocking smile crossed her face, “Sorry to burst your bubble but on top of that I had already informed Celestia and Luna about your plan to try and get kicked out.”

My vision was getting pretty red and the temperature of the room seemed to have jumped as I felt such anger coupled with complete hopelessness. The glowing light disappeared from Luna and Celestia’s horns though they didn’t look happy. Finally I grated out, “What right do you have to hold me here Sheeva? Is it because you have the power to do so? In that case what makes you any different from all those who had power and then abused it?”

Celestia took a deep breath then let it out, visibly calming herself, “I see what you mean Sheeva. He certainly seems to be unwilling to see the good in what you are doing.” I turned toward her but before I could ask any questions she took a few steps toward me and said, “Yes I know Sheeva quite well. We met sometime during a very lonely period of my life as I explored different levels of reality. While I can’t cross the same boundaries she can I can go to realms beyond this reality and happened to meet her there as she explored that same realm. We became fast friends, especially once I learned that she too was incredibly long lived.”

Sheeva took up the tale, “Once I knew of your plan to kill yourself I tried to figure out how I could stop you without causing my people to say I had directly interfered. It ate at me quite a bit I’ll have you know and eventually, during one of our weekly chess meetings I spilled my guts to her. The idea for you to come here to find friendship was actually hers and she gave me permission to bring you here.”

Celestia turned to Twilight, “My last visit to Ponyville was really to see if he had made it safely which I confirmed as my chariot flew into Ponyville.”

Twilight spoke after a moment, “Wait you knew he was in Equestria and you knew that he was suicidal? Princess why didn’t you tell me? I would have tried to help.”

Celestia nuzzled Twilight comfortingly, “Of course I trust you my most brilliant student. Imagine though if you had suddenly shown up at his house claiming to want to be his friend. He would have been most suspicious and he certainly would have turned you away. In fact given his mental state when he arrived he might have even harmed you. As much as we want to help him it was better to let him gradually interact with our world at his pace.”

Luna came up to me, still mad, “I am most unhappy that you did not inform me that you intended to kill yourself. Have you told anypony at all?”

I snorted in derision, “Of course not. Why would I?”

Luna replied, “Oh I don’t know perhaps to get some help?”

“I already told you I don’t want anyone’s help.”

Windfall came up to me, “But what about your friends? We want to help you.”

I snapped, “WE! ARE! NOT! FRIENDS! None of you are my friend because I don’t want any friends so I don’t make any! Yes, fine now everyone knows I intend to kill myself. Good for all of you. Now let me leave Sheeva!”

Sheeva looked over at Celestia who met her eyes for a moment then shook her head firmly, “Sorry John but I will not.”

“Why not? I’ve already said that I will not accept friendship and that I will kill myself so trying to keep me here is pointless.”

Celestia stepped in, “Despite your actions and your attitude I cannot find it within me to simply let you end your own life.”

“Why? You’ve already seen that I am not a good man and that I’m prepared to do the worst.”

“It’s true that I have seen some very ugly things in you John and that I hardly know you but my decision is still the same. Have you heard of Discord John?”

“Fluttershy mentioned him on the way up here, something about him being reformed now or something like that.”

Celestia nodded, “Indeed he is. He was my enemy for a very long time and caused a lot of chaos and unhappiness for my ponies here in Equestria. Despite that when I found somepony who I believed could change him for the better I still gave him the chance of redemption.” Celestia came closer and looked me directly in the eyes, “Sheeva has told me much about you John, more than just your plans and it pains me to hear what has happened to you. Also I have been listening for reports on your actions here and I see that there is still hope for you despite what you want or believe.”

I snorted again, “Yeah my actions here have shown so much hope for me haven’t they?”

Celestia didn’t waver, “Perhaps not so much here however there is so much more to your time here in Equestria than simply your visit here.” She turned to the other ponies, “Perhaps you should show him how his actions have been more than just harmful.”

Without hesitation Windfall stepped up with unhappy but determined eyes, “I was injured over the Whitetail Woods at night and if I had not been found by you John then I likely would have died out there. I couldn’t move and would have been unable to get medical help. You were the one who found me and you took me into your home and treated me. Since then you’ve cared for my needs and even let me stay for free while I have no job.”

Rainbow spoke next, “At first I thought you were some kind of monster but then you tried to comfort Derpy; shows you have a cool side after all.”

Luna came next, “Derpy was not the only pony you attempted to comfort. When we walked around town during our second meeting you tried to comfort me as well. In addition I have heard that you have been helping the little filly Faint Heart to gain more confidence by teaching her to defend herself.”

Rainbow came back in, “Oh yeah I almost forgot; I know a lot of the guys at the martial arts place and we talked the other day. They’ve started to see you as a cool guy instead of a monster and enjoy you showing them your style of moves.”

Luna took over, “And finally let’s not forget what we learned at the trial the other day. You killed those dogs out of a desire to prevent them from harming innocent ponies and in doing so helped protect the ponies. We may not like the methods you used but we can certainly appreciate the desire behind those methods.”

I was shaking and I wanted to scream. How despite everything I had done were these ponies so willing to continue trying to be my friend? Why couldn’t they just let me be? Up until now I was sure my actions though not calculated to get me thrown out would be enough to do just that. Yet here we were with them somehow looking past the bad and seeing the good and apparently deciding that was enough to keep trying.

Sheeva decided to throw some more fuel on that fire, “I also had my minds eyes on you when you arrived in Canterlot today. Fluttershy showed you kindness and compassion and it almost had you in tears, don’t bother trying to deny it. Admit it John,” She points her index finger at me, “These ponies are getting through to you despite all your attempts to the contrary!”

I flinched like I had been struck. It was exactly as she had said; after all I had thought those exact same words myself. My fists clenched and my teeth ground together, exposed for all to see in my anger. Strange noises began to emerge from my mouth, “Nnnn….grrrgh….gaaaaaah! SheeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVAAAAAAAA!” Arms outstretched and fingers hooked like claws I lunged for her however she teleported away a few feet. Roaring with rage I ran after her, swinging punches that never landed as she teleported like her name was fucking Nightcrawler.

Eventually my rage was spent and I stood there taking deep breaths, sweat pouring down my face while everypony just watched me. It took me a bit but I managed to get out, “Why did this have to happen to me? No matter what I do nothing ever changes. You would think after what has happened to me in the past I would have learned to stop letting people in but it just keeps happening no matter what. Why can’t I stop it?”

Sheeva’s voice softened with kindness as she said, “It’s a part of being human John. Like these ponies your people need friends, family, loved ones. Without those things you will slowly destroy yourself so even though your conscious mind seeks to keep others away there is still a part of you that will always seek out that needed friendship.”

Suddenly my cheeks felt wet as despair just flooded me. It took almost everything I had at that point but I said, “Haven’t I endured enough yet? Can’t I just be allowed to die when I believe there is no hope left in living?”

Windfall walked over to stand directly in front of me, “I’m sorry John but while you may have endured a lot I can’t just let you die.” She stood on her hind legs and wrapped her forelegs around me, holding me tightly, “Even if you don’t want me as a friend and refuse to see me that way, I see you as a friend and I will fight for your life even if you won’t.” After that all I could think of was that things were even more hopeless now.

They knew of my desire to kill myself and even with all I was doing they still wanted to be my friend and keep me from dying. My body moved on autopilot while my brain just wallowed in the despair of it all. Any thought I had about trying to end things anyway was stopped by the deep desire to find and kill Wilhelm. The hatred I had for him was too personal for me to allow myself to die even now. What could I do though? I had no idea. Whatever else was said, decided or done after that I don’t even remember though I have a faint recollection of going back through Canterlot and boarding the train. Nopony spoke to me on the way back and I just sat there with my head in my hands. It was all so hopeless.

Author's Notes:

As I wrote this I was listening to a Phoenix Wright OST and I've watched game play of a lot of the series at this point. There is a moment that was kinda drawn from it. See what you think. I also have to say writing the latter half of this chapter hurt like hell.