You are Rarity, and you are never assisting Twilight with another spell again. It was set to be such a nice day off. You had a spa reservation with Fluttershy and a first date with a nice stallion you met in Canterlot lined up.

He was rich, too…

And now you’re in the middle of nowhere, or at least nowhere that you know of. You admit that you never spent much attention to geography, though you always promised you would just in case your horn led you on another rock hunt.

You just keep following this strange black surface you stumbled upon. The last sign you saw said ‘Speed Limit 55,’ whatever that means. Fifty-five what? Miles? Pah, that’s impossible!

As you slowly trudge your way down the… road? Whatever it is, you slowly start to hear a rumble coming from ahead of you. No pony creation that you know of makes that kind of noise. Only monsters and dragons—not that most of them are more than monsters—make that kind of noise.

You trot off the road, trying to find a place to hide in the undergrowth that isn’t too dirty. You mutter unladylike words as your attempts fail and you get mud on your coat. You reluctantly settle in and wait to watch the monster pass.

Less than five minutes later, you find yourself very surprised as something shiny shoots by you at a ground speed that should be simply impossible. You’ve seen Rainbow Dash go that fast or faster in the air, but you never imagined anything could be that fast on the ground!

You wait until you couldn’t hear it anymore before crawling out of the brush and looking both ways before continuing the way you were walking, toward where the monster had come from.

You walk for over five hours before you found the first signs of civilization, not that it was much. An abandoned building lay in vines and bushes. As you poke around inside of it, you quickly come to the conclusion that it was not made by ponies.

Nopony but maybe Applejack would create a building so ugly, even in its prime: It had a rusted metal roof of some kind and walls of wood that looked like they had never felt a paintbrush’s kiss. There was just a single large room and a rotted wooden floor.

You have to light your horn up just to see the interior, not that there was much to see. A bed frame that you wouldn’t trust was all that was here. You poke it with your hoof and it falls apart.

With a sigh, you walk outside and begin gathering vines that Applejack pointed out as nonpoisonous on your camping trip. You rip them down and drag them inside to use as a terrible makeshift bed.

Your sleep was restless and uncomfortable. You wake up with a shriek when you felt something crawling across your back and fling the many-legged insect away with so much force it explodes upon hitting the wall. Your horn lights up the rest of the room and you whimper at the amount of crawling you see.

If you were Twilight you would teleport to the roof and sleep there. After slapping yourself for getting Rarity lost in the middle of nowhere, of course.

With a very complicated spell (for you), you shoot a small circle of fire around you, killing all the creepy-crawlies around you and hopefully dissuading others from coming at you.

You smile at the memory of when your mother first taught you that spell.

Your smile disappears when you smell smoke. You sniff, looking around the room. Your eyes shrink to pinpricks when you realize your terrible bedding is now on fire. You go to stomp it out before you realize you were sleeping next to the wall.

In a very old, dry wooden house.

You sprint out just as the old building catches aflame. You quickly gallop down the road, looking back every now and then.

When you think you were half a mile away, you stop and watch the building burn, feeling very happy you weren’t still in there.

As the building crumbles, you sigh and turn around before jumping back in shock.

A strange creature was pointing a long stick right at you. You could barely see it in the dark, and it was wearing dark clothes so that didn’t help.

Your ears droop as you slowly take a step back. “Um… Hello?”

His eyes open wide and the stick explodes. You feel something whooshing right by your head. You screech and run into the woods. You couldn’t hear anything as you push through briars and bushes to get away from the monster.

After a few minutes of running, you stop, hearing pursuit. “Little horse thing? I didn’t mean to scare you! Did you really talk?”

You kneel down and consider your options. You don’t know what that stick was actually doing; for all you know it was a magical get-well machine.

And you are the element of generosity. That means you’re generous with forgiveness.

You very slowly edge out of the cover you had jumped into when you heard its voice. You could see a flash of light pointing around as the animal moved forward, looking for you.

“H… Hello?” You’re quiet, hoping not to make him jump this time.

The light stick points directly at you and you flinch, closing your eyes and looking away. “Shit, sorry.” The light points at your hooves, illuminating your lower body. “What… what are you?”

“I could ask you the same! I’ve never seen anypony that looks like you! Or that wears those clothes at night…”

You look him over again. In the light that’s bouncing off your legs, you could see that he was wearing camo-pattern clothes that cover his entire body, reminiscent of what you wore during the dragon migration.

You could barely see his teeth as he smiles. Your eyes widen when you see two sharp teeth, but you learned from Fluttershy that the flat teeth mixed with sharp means he’s an omnivore. Dragons are the only omnivores that you know of that eat other sentient animals.

Even griffins stick to animals that can’t talk.

“Sorry for spooking you, girl. I’ve… I’ve never seen a real unicorn before.” He reaches a hoo—claw out to poke your horn but you jerk back.

“How rude! How would you like it if I touched your horn?!”

His hand quickly pulls back. “Sorry! I told you I’ve never seen a unicorn; I don’t know how you expect me to know etiquette for dealing with one.”

You take a moment to think over what he said. “Apology accepted. I understand. When one touches a unicorn’s horn… Well, horns are sensitive.”

You mumble the last word, embarrassed at discussing such an awkward topic with a stranger, but he seems to have gotten the meaning. His smile turns to a grimace and he wipes his hand off, as if he felt dirty.

Now you really feel insulted, but you don’t find his appearance very appealing either.

You clear your throat and say, “You seem to know what I am, but I have no idea what you are.”

He holds out a claw. “I’m… Well, call me Anonymous. I’m a human. And,” he says, rattling his boom stick in his other hand, “a poacher.”

You don’t like the sound of that last one, but politeness demands that you shake his claw. You reach out and he wraps his claw around it. “Rarity, pony and unicorn. I’m a fashionista.”

“A fashionista? Out here?” He laughs as he looks around, letting your hoof go and grabbing his boom stick with both hands. “What do you make clothes for, the bugs?”

You puff out your cheeks and glare at him. “I’ll have you know that I designed a dress for Princess Celestia herself! And for each of the Elements of Harmony!”

“You mean your little pony princess and all your little unicorn friends?”

You’re not stupid. You know when you’re being talked down to. “Yes! But not all of them are unicorns. Believe me or not, I need to get home. My pet cat needs to be fed and I need to be there in case any emergencies plague the realm.”

You hear a loud click as one of his hands move and something flies out of the stick to hit you on the face. His hand goes back to where it was with another loud click.

“Lady, you and me both need to get home. With that damn fire you made and all the screeching you’ve been doing, I ain’t gonna find nothing out here worth shooting tonight. Come on, I’ll give you a place to sleep for the night while we figure out just what the fuck I’ll do with you.”

He turns around and walks back the way he came. You are rather tempted to turn around and walk the other way. Every instinct was screaming at you to do so.

But he was the only pon—thing that you found that could talk. You sigh and reluctantly follow. “So… What was that noise that stick made?”

He laughs. “Lady, that would have been your death if I hadn’t jumped. Sorry about that, by the way. It ain’t every day that you find a mythological creature that can talk.”

You admit to being horrified by the way he casually mentioned almost killing you. But it was an accident. Still… how? You were about to ask when he spoke up.

“So how did you light that fire? And why? Is the pretty little pony an arsonist?”

“If you must know, it was an accident. I was trying to deal with a little bug problem when the building just… caught fire.”

“The building got lit up while you were stomping on bugs? How did that happen? Did you somehow find my stash and use the lighter or something?”

“I was using magic.”

He stops and you bump into him. “Did you say magic?” he asks as he turns.

“Well, yes. I am a unicorn?”

He scoffs. “Show me some of this ‘magic’ of yours.”

Your horn lights up and you grab his light stick with your magic, attempting to jerk it from his hand. His grip was stronger than your magic, however, so he held onto it.

But he’s definitely surprised; his mouth drops open and you hear him mutter, “Magic… How?”

“How? We simply do it. It’s just… magic.”

He points a claw at you as he turns around. “You’re going to have a fun time telling that to a scientist if the guvmint ever catches you.” He continues walking.

After a second you follow him. “What’s a… guvmint? And why would they catch me?”

“Shorthand for government. We in the business use shorthand sometimes. Long story short, if the government catches you, they’ll put you in a lab and cut you open or something.”

Now that definitely makes you uncomfortable. If this land’s government is so hostile, how are you going to get home?

“So… just what kind of business are you in? Can your associates help get me home?”

“Lady, I’m in the business of breaking the law. I’m just a poacher, but out here in the sticks you’ll find plenty of lawbreakers like me. I got contacts all over this place that’ll help keep you out of the law’s long arm while you figure out how to get home, wherever the hell home is for you.”

You have no desire to deal with… criminals. But if he’s correct about the government coming after you, you’d rather be safe than risk being cut open.

“…Very well. But you’ll simply have to let me do something about your clothes.” When he bursts out laughing you knew you were in for one tartarus of a trip.

After nearly half an hour of walking, he stops in front of a metal monster. He had to assure you multiple times that it was safe before you would even get near it.

He pulls something out of a pocket and pokes the monster with it. He turns it and grabs a handle before the monster’s mouth opens. You jump behind him and see him put his ‘shotgun’ inside of it.

He pushes something on the mouth’s side and you hear a dull clicking. He walks over to the other side. “Come on.” You follow him as he opens another mouth.

You squawk in indignation as he wraps his claws around you and puts you inside. “Unhoof me!”

He grins and does so, leaving you in the monster. He slams the mouth shut behind you and you leap to the mouth on the other side before he jumps in. You slam into him.

“Rarity, stay on your side.” He pushes you back over and slams the mouth on his side shut. “This is a truck, not a monster.” He pokes the monster’s… eye? What’s an eye doing on the inside?

With a flick of his wrist, the monster roars and you scream again. His eyes jerk shut as his claws move to his ears. “Will you fucking STOP that shit? Christ lady, it’s the black women that are supposed to scream like that!”

You calm down when you realize the lack of chewing and digestion going on. He nods at you. “Thank you!” One of his hands goes to the eye while the other goes to the side. One of his feet moves and then one hand does.

The monster slowly starts moving. He speaks up again. “Alright, I know you’re confused. This is called a truck, or an automobile. It isn’t a monster. It’s a method of transportation. Trust me, you’ll see these things everywhere.”

You look out of the transparent mouth and your mouth drops as the scenery moves by at a speed that scares you.

“Crash course time. You’re looking out the window. The door is what I pushed you through. What I’m holding is the wheel. What I should be wearing but not is the seatbelt. It’ll save your life in the event that I have a full retard moment and hit something. The wheel controls the truck. If you push the button over there the window will roll down.”

You push your hoof down but nothing happens. He laughs. “They’re designed for fingers, not hooves. Use some of that fancy magic of yours.”

Yes, your magic has a much better reaction. A dull whirring is quickly replaced by a roaring as the window slowly descends and air rushes in.

“Stick your head out,” he yells over the wind.

Your mane is ruined anyway. With a filly-like grin on your face, you stick you head out, holding onto the base of the window with your hooves.

You laugh at the sensation. Is this what Rainbow Dash feels like every time she flies? No wonder she’s always in the air!

The effect is ruined with a bug slams into your cheek.

You jerk back into the truck and groan in pain, rubbing the spot with your hoof. He laughs at your misfortune. “Yeah, I remember the first time I hit a bug at this speed. Hurt like a bitch.”

He hoofs you a towel made of paper and you rub the filth off your face as the window rolls up by itself. You don’t know how something hurts like a dog. You’ll have to ask Winona when you get home.

“I have a set of master controls over here. Sit back and get comfortable, lady. First rule of breaking the law: Don’t break it in your own backyard. It’ll probably be half an hour before we get to my pad.”

“…You live in a pad?”

“House. My house. Heh, lady of your standards might not call it that, though.”

Anonymous tells you a little about his world on the way to his home. You weren’t in Equestria anymore, that’s for sure.

“This world of yours sounds… horrible!” You were driving into his ‘driveway’ at the moment.

“It sure ain’t peaches and cream, that’s for sure.” With another flick of his wrist, the machine rattles off, the roar dead. “Wait there, I’ll open the door on the other side.”

He grabs his shotgun and opens his door, stepping out. You telekinetically pull the handle on your door, but nothing happens. You see him walking around and opening it. “Sorry, the inside handle is broken.”

He reaches in to pick you up again but you slap his claws away and hop out with the grace of a lady.

Meaning your leg got caught on a strap and your face slams into his crotch. He falls to the ground with a groan of pain, his shotgun falling to the ground.

Your face blushes bright as you move around to get your leg unstuck. You tumble out and add an insult to Anon’s injury by landing on top of him. “Whyyy?” he groans.

“Um…” Aren’t you terribly embarrassed? You jump off him and mumble some quiet apologies as he tries to collect himself.

Well… at least you know how to immobilize him now if you need to.

After two minutes of waiting, he finally manages to stand. He slams the door shut as he glares at you. You sheepishly grin and pick up his shotgun with magic, passing it to him.

You weren’t sure of the wisdom of giving a weapon to somepony you just injured, but your judgment was proven correct when he just snatches it out of the air and walks away, grumbling.

You sigh, knowing this needs to be fixed.

“I do apologize, Anonymous. I didn’t realize you had such a weak spot there! I just wanted to show you that I’m not helpless.”

“Well, I definitely know that now. You’re very good at headbutting my balls. You keep that horn away from my jimmies.”

“I have no intention of starting a fight, Anon.”

You really didn’t, either. But you left the subtle warning there that you were very willing to end a fight if he starts one. Part of being an Element of Harmony meant getting advanced personal defense weapons from some very cute guards.

Not that you really expect him to, of course. Anon may have a few… rough edges… but he doesn’t seem like a bad po—person. You expect him to be manageable.

When he opens his door, you almost scream again. A deer’s head gives a lifeless stare to you from a wall. You back away from the door and Anonymous, horrified beyond all belief.

He turns back and sees the expression on your face. He gives you a confused look before looking back inside. “Oooh…” He turns back to you. “Rarity, humans are the only sentient species on the planet. We kill animals for food. I promise to not hurt you unless you give me a good reason to.”

You gulp, trying to force your legs to run away. Anon didn’t seem like a murderer… And you didn’t have any indication that what he said about humans being sentient was a lie. You close your eyes and take a moment to collect yourself before taking a deep breath and letting it out.

You quietly whisper, “You can do this, Rarity. You faced down a dragon.”

Your eyes go to Anon’s shotgun.

You faced down a dragon alright, but that was with your friends, and that dragon at least had to take a deep breath before shooting flames at you. You gulp before nodding.

“I can do this…” You follow him in. He flips a switch on the wall and lights flicker on. “Magic?”

“Electricity.” He walks over to the wall and pulls the deer’s head down. “Wait here for a moment. Don’t break anything.”

He carries the shotgun and the… head… out. You take a look around his living room. It’s… filthy seems too light of a word. You walk over to a picture frame and grab it with magic.

It shows Anonymous with… some other human with longer hair and a bigger chest. “Who’s this?”

You weren’t expecting an answer, and with how quiet your voice was you didn’t expect him to even hear you. You were wrong.

“Old girlfriend. We broke it off a few years ago. I would have gotten rid of the picture, but… Well, I don’t exactly spend much time in here.”

You float the picture back to its resting place. “Right… I can tell.” He was lying. You could tell, alright.

“You hungry? I got… Shit, you can’t eat meat, can you?”

“Well… I can, but I’d greatly prefer not to.” You shudder, remembering that time Rainbow Dash dared you to eat some of Fluttershy’s meat stores.

His eyebrows lift. “I always thought horses couldn’t eat meat.”

You jerk back at that word. “Please, Anon, ponies. That word… means something bad where I’m from. And yes, most of us do not eat meat. However, we certainly can eat it. I don’t suppose you have any daffodils?”

He looks around his room. “Wait here. Look around the house if you want.”

He walks over to the main door and leaves the building. You see him in a window going across the street to another house with a garden and that’s when you stop watching, opting instead to study your new temporary place of residence.

You walk around the house and take in its lack of order. “This simply will not do.”

Your horn lights up as you begin to rearrange his living room, trying to make it live up to its name of ‘living.’ You give up your attempts when Anon walks in carrying an assortment of flowers cut off by their stems.

“Can’t say I’m not a good host,” he laughs, holding up the flowers.

“Yes, and you only had to steal to do it. Really, Anonymous, I could have settled for any kind of green food!”

…

“Do you want the stupid flowers or not?”

You may not approve of stealing, but he did have a nice set of chrysanthemums…

“I’m only doing this because I’m hungry.” Your magic pulls the flowers away from him and you crunch away at them. “They’re… gamey, but good. I don’t suppose you have any carrots?”

He shrugs and enters a kitchen area. You follow and—

“SWEET CELESTIA!” You see a cockroach slink away when Anon flicks on a light switch. Dishes crowd the sink and you smell mold.

“That’s a fair reaction. I guess when I had no one to hold me accountable, I sort of let myself go. I’ll clean some in the morning.”

“I… I don’t think I’m hungry anymore…”

He shrugs. “Well, I’m tired and you probably are as well. Bed or couch?”

“…Is the bed as bad as the couch?”

He just grins.

Author's Notes:

If you want to, for whatever reason, read the original greentext version, http://pastebin.com/DXR9zYSf