Brown Noser sat at the bar, looking around the small private lounge of his boss’ mansion. It had been a long, arduous, and occasionally perilous climb up the corporate ladder to get to where he was now, but it had all been worth it. Now, sitting in a plush chair, relaxed by a copious amount of booze and admiring the beautiful mares dancing to the rock music being played by a skilled DJ, Brown Noser could finally reap his reward.

His eyes traveled over the fine mares hired for the occasion. All had been carefully chosen for the pleasure of him and his male peers at this party, and all offered the promise of an excellent time. But there was one specimen sitting at the other end of the bar that caught his eye; a fine, grey-coated mare in a black dress that matched her mane and showed off every curve of her stunning frame. Her very being emanated a pompous attitude and a refined taste, not unlike many of the mares Brown Noser had taken advantage of over the years. They were always the fun ones; so self-assured and patronizing, and then so shocked to find that they had been passed over for a promotion in favor of the stallion who they had bedded the week before. He licked his lips as he approached the grey mare. It was like child’s play.

“Evening,” he greeted her, taking the seat beside the grey-coated mare. “I couldn’t help but notice that you were alone.”

The mare gave him a small smile before pushing a plate of muffins toward him. “Would you care for a pastry?” she offered.

“Thank you, but I’m fine,” Brown Noser replied.

“Oh, but I think you should really try these,” the mare said with enthusiasm. “I heard they’re the most expensive baked goods money can buy!”

Brown Noser didn’t have any trouble believing this, knowing who was throwing the party. “Alright, if you insist,” he said with a laugh, taking a bite of one of the muffins from the plate. She was right, it was a fine muffin. He leaned in closer. Make her think she’s in charge. “I was wondering if you wanted some company tonight. A fine mare like yourself should never be alone.”

The mare smiled back at him. “Why don’t we head into a back room? You know, just to... relax?”

Like child’s play. Brown Noser smiled and helped the mare off her seat before allowing her to lead him to the back of the room. As he passed by the center of the party, he could just barely hear his boss, Six Figures, boasting over the music, “Eat up, everypony! I hear these muffins are the finest in the world! Only the best for my friends!” The wealthy unicorn was surrounded by adoring mares and a ring of stallions who wanted to share in his power. Ponies were dancing to the music around them, showing off their bodies and suggestively running their hooves along their curves. Nearby, a group of ponies were each holding a straw in one nostril, snorting up a line of salt on the table in front of them before leaning back against their seat, their eyes half-lidded and their mouths hanging open.

The grey mare led him past all this, entering a hallway in the back of the lounge. She pushed a door open, revealing a small bedroom beyond, before pulling Brown Noser inside.

“Alright,” he muttered, reaching a hoof up to his neck to undo his tie. “How would you like to start? What the lady wants, the lady gets.”

The grey-coated mare smiled slyly, arching her eyebrow at him. “My, aren’t you a gentlecolt?” she cooed, teasing a hoof along his chest. “Why don’t you take the lead? I admire a stallion with initiative.”

Brown Noser grinned widely and dove in, grasping the mare and pulling her in for a passionate kiss. As he pressed his lips to hers, he ran his hooves along her slender frame, feeling the warmth of her body beneath her silken dress as he pressed closer...

But something was wrong. A wave of dizziness washed over Brown Noser and the world seemed to spin around him, to the point that it became too much to simply ignore. His lips broke away from hers and he backed away a couple of steps, putting a hoof to his forehead. The room spun around, its warm, inviting colors suddenly becoming blurred and strange.

“Oh dear... Are you okay?” The mare’s voice was strangely distant. He looked up to see two of her, warping around each other as the world continue to spin out of control.

“I...” he murmured, trying to steady himself. “I...” He couldn’t say anymore. The room seemed to slowly tilt to the side and a moment later he felt the soft embrace of the plush carpet against his cheek.

The grey-coated mare looked down at the passed out stallion. “Better luck next time,” she remarked. “Maybe you’ll last longer.” She stepped over his still frame and opened the door, leaving Brown Noser alone in the room.

Octavia strolled down the hallway, emerging back into the lounge to find almost every single pony in the room slumped over the nearest object or collapsed in the middle of the room. The loud rock music continued to play, but nopony was dancing now. Everypony was leaning back in their chair, flopped over a table or a couch, or simply out cold on the floor. Octavia arrived just in time to see a green-coated stallion with red hooves lean precariously against a drink table before toppling over, taking the table and several glasses down with him.

There was only one aware pony left in the room: the DJ. She looked over to see Vinyl Scratch behind the booth, pulling off her earphones and glancing at Octavia. Both gave a quick nod at each other before approaching the group of passed out partiers.

“Operation Baked Bads is a success,” Vinyl remarked, spotting a half-eaten muffin still clenched in a hoof of a mare draped over their target: Six Figures, who was sitting unconscious in his luxurious leather chair. “Do you think he has the goods?”

Octavia nodded, pulling the limp stallion upright. “He’s the only pony we know of who has ever had a connection with the Sunprance Kid. If anypony can give us a hint to his current whereabouts, it’s Six Figures.”

The two agents hefted the wealthy stallion out of the seat and carried him out of the room, leading him around the foyer of the mansion to the doors of his private office. On the handle of the double doors leading inside was a small hole just large enough for a unicorn’s horn to fit into. The two of them hoisted Six Figures up to the door, leaning him against it and forcing his horn into the locking mechanism. The door handle began to glow brightly and they heard a clicking sound before the lock parted around the hole, causing Six Figures to unceremoniously topple to the ground as the doors swung open.

Inside was a luxuriously furnished office, with finely carved desks and cabinets. In the center of the room was a case with several golden keys, as well as some questionable looking magical artifacts. Vinyl grinned as she took it all in. “I forgot how much I love this job.”

“I forgot how much I hate this job.”

Octavia and Vinyl were sitting together on the porch of the O.K. Hotel, overlooking the main street in the light of sunset and watching the occasional townsfolk pass by. Vinyl’s words brought the cellist back to the present and the circumstances they faced.

“Hey Octy, you okay?”

“Yes, I’m fine,” Octavia muttered, looking down at the ground. “I was just remembering the time when we infiltrated Six Figures’ mansion.”

“That guy who was laundering all the money the Sunprance Kid stole?” Vinyl inquired. “What about him?”

“It’s just...” The cellist paused, considering her words. “That mission seemed so easy. Going undercover, finding enough evidence to incriminate him and locate our next target...”

She glanced up at the street, looking around at the town of O.K. and the barren surroundings that stretched out as far as the eye could see. “...Do you think we’re out of our element here? Before this, the only ponies we ever endangered were ourselves and those we fought against. But here...”

Vinyl nodded. “But here the whole town is at risk,” she finished for her friend.

Octavia pawed at the floor uneasily. “We were trained as spies, Vinyl. Can we really fight a war? Out in the open?”

Vinyl was silent for a moment, her expression unreadable behind her goggles. “The way I see it,” she finally spoke, “we were trained to fight. Doesn’t matter where or how.”

“Glad to hear it.” The two agents turned around to see Quiet Earp standing in the doorway, his face stern and his eyes narrowed. "We'll see what they get for hurting my friend." He trotted past them and out into the street without another word.

Vinyl and Octavia glanced through the open doorway to see Doc resting on a bed, surrounded by concerned griffons and ponies. He was alive, but his injuries had left his wings crippled and it would be a while before he could even walk again, if the thick cast around his midsection was any indication. He glanced over at the two agents and gave them a smile.

They heard a small cough and turned to see Watt Sun and Sharp Eye standing behind them. Sharp Eye had one of her forehooves wrapped around one of Watt Sun’s. “Try to get some sleep tonight,” he instructed them, “and be ready to saddle up in the morning. The sheriff says we leave at dawn.”

At the crack of dawn, the griffon townsfolk returned to O.K. Under cover of darkness, they had scoured the surrounding countryside, seeking out any sign of Messy Mane’s gang. With Gretchen captured and her gang broken, the griffon townsfolk could finally fly above No Mare’s Land unmolested. And with their finest member now grounded, they were eager to find any sign of their enemies.

And find them they did. The griffons returned to town to be greeted by Quiet Earp and a growing posse of townsfolk who were preparing to leave. The information was quickly relayed: an encampment of ponies, sitting at the entrance to the Diamond-Blueblood Gold Mine in the mountains north of town.

“That figures,” Vinyl commented when hearing the news. “Didn’t Messy Manes say something about Blueblood’s mine?”

Octavia nodded. “I believe her words were ‘you can tell that prince who hired you that I’m keeping his gold mine.’”

Watt Sun gave her a sideways look. “I seem to recall her language being slightly more colorful than that.”

“Alrigh’ then,” Quiet announced, causing the assembled townsfolk to fall silent. “I’m gonna keep this short. After all, you all know why you’re here.”

The mares, stallions, mules, buffalo, and griffons of O.K. stood in the main street. Despite the fact that the sun hadn’t even risen yet, everyone in town was awake, either gathered in the middle of the street and giving the sheriff their resolute attention or standing to the side and watching. Talk had spread throughout the town in the wake of the attack the previous day and their sheriff’s reaction. Some were already referring to it as Earp’s vendetta.

“This has gone on for long enough,” Quiet muttered. “It’s time we took the fight to them. I’ve tried to protect you all, but if Doc's state is any sign, then I’ve failed you." The assembled townsfolk glanced at each other. No longer were they separated into their respective races. Ponies, mules, buffalo, and griffons mingled together in the crowd.

"But if you’ll still have me as yer sheriff, I promise you that we will end this today.” No one spoke, but a murmur of affirmation went through the crowd as many gave solemn nods. Quiet Earp nodded back.

The Diamond-Blueblood Ltd. Gold Mine, named for its joint owners, was situated at the head of a narrow valley in the mountains above town. On the surface, it was a humble, unassuming facility, its appearance belying the riches that sat beneath. A mine cart track wound along the base of the canyon, passing beside a tent camp and small wood cabin before vanishing into a simple hole at the base of the cliff.

The camp had been abandoned by the miners since the arrival of the bandits, who now occupied the tents that had been left behind. Mine carts loaded with gold nuggets stood on the track and pickaxes littered the ground. A thin trail of smoke poured out of the chimney of the wood cabin while a few of the bandits outside were waking up or making breakfast while the rest still slept, the only signs of activity in the early morning light.

The Pinkietons and Earp’s posse took this all in from atop a hill looking down into the valley. They quietly watched the camp, determining their next course of action.

“This is perfect,” Sharp Eye said in an undertone. “We have the higher ground and they’re cornered! Could we ask for a better setup?”

“Don’t get too comfortable,” Quiet Earp muttered. “They may be cornered, but that’s a very defensible position they’ve got there. Gettin’ at Messy Manes ain’t gonna be easy.”

“Leave her to us,” Vinyl replied. “You just worry about drawing her henchponies away.”

“What?” Quiet snapped. “No, I need your weapons and skill on those henchponies! Besides, if anypony here is going to be getting Messy Manes, it’s me.”

The Pinkietons were taken aback. “Sheriff, this is what we’re trained for!” Watt Sun retorted. “Sneaking is our specialty, not fighting on the front lines.”

“Doc was right; I should’ve hired soldiers instead,” Quiet grumbled.

“Sheriff, with all due respect,” Octavia said, “I understand that you want to be the one to get Messy Manes, but you're not the only one she has wronged. Let us do our job."

Quiet muttered something under his breath as he glanced down at the camp. After a moment, he finally let out a sigh. “Fine,” he grumbled. “But promise me you won’t rough up Messy Manes too much before I get there.”

“You have our word,” Sharp Eye replied, crossing her forehooves over her heart and waving them in the air before placing a hoof over her eye.

The Pinkietons crept silently down the steep hill above the mine entrance, cautiously approaching the wood cabin at the base of the valley. Shortly after separating, Earp’s posse had attacked the camp, flinging stones and pieces of wood down at the henchponies. The bandits, caught off-guard, were slow to react, but eventually started returning fire with their rifles, holding Earp’s posse back. So far, nopony had noticed the Pinkietons making their way down the hill.

Long before they reached the cabin, they could hear the muffled sound of shouting from within. Octavia slowly drew her sword, Vinyl primed the tommy gum, and Watt Sun and Sharp Eye prepared their own weapons as they snuck close enough to hear the voices inside.

“I’m not gonna give in!” bellowed a high, raspy voice that they immediately recognized as Messy Manes’. “Them Canterloons will have to drag me out by my teeth!”

“Calm down, Messy,” came the voice of Clydesdale. “That’s my wife you’re yelling at!”

There was a long, feminine sigh from within. “Clyde, hun, it’s over,” said Bonnie.

“Oh baby, don’t think like that. We can still fight our way out of this!”

“No Clyde, I mean it’s over between us.”

There was a pregnant silence following her words, interrupted only by the echoes of gunfire in the distance. Vinyl crept towards a window and pressed an ear against the wall, glancing over at Octavia with an arched eyebrow.

“What are you talking about, baby?” Clydesdale asked in a shaky tone.

“I’ve been seeing another stallion,” Bonnie answered matter-of-factly.

“What?! W-Who?! When?!”

“Pretty Colt Bolt.”

Sharp Eye, who had been listening with rapt attention, suddenly gave a silent ‘Oh’ of understanding upon hearing this. Watt Sun elbowed her, giving Sharp Eye an incredulous look while mouthing the word ‘What?!’ The mare blushed slightly, but didn’t back down. A completely silent but passionate debate erupted between the two, while Octavia and Vinyl continued to listen.

“That... slimy... piece of... sonofa...” Clydesdale sputtered. “What in the world does he have that I don’t?!”

“Well, let’s see... looks, charm, the knowledge of how to make a mare happy...”

“I know how to make you happy! Why just last night, you were hollering louder than a—”

“Clyde, I was faking it.”

In the heavy silence that followed, Vinyl glanced over at Octavia and mouthed the word ‘Wow’ before miming stabbing herself in the heart. The cellist rolled her eyes.

“Aw, would you two just shut up?” Messy Manes shouted. “This is why I can’t have any of you working together! You’re a bunch of incompetent idiots! I turn around for one second and you’re tearing each other’s throats out!”

“Look, Messy,” Bonnie said calmly, “let’s face facts. We’re fighting a losing battle here. But it’s not too late. Why don’t we just grab as much gold as we can carry and get out before—”

“Gold? Gold?” There was a sudden crash of wood against the floor and they heard several objects shatter. “You think this is about gold?!”

“Uh... well...”

“Do you know who I am? I’m Messy Bucking Manes! Do I look like I care about something as stupid as gold?!”

“I... no...”

“This is so much bigger than gold! I told you, all we’re gonna do with the gold is ferry it off to my contact in Equestria and she supplies us with ponies and weapons! I’m here for the land! This is my country now! Once I drive off every dirt-sucking peasant out here it won’t be No Mare’s Land anymore! It’ll be my land! Manes’ Land!”

Vinyl and Octavia gave each other a surprised look. “Contact?” the cellist mouthed.

“Manes’ Land, free from the influence of Her Royal Scumbags! But you two don’t understand that, because you don’t have any vision! All you care about is gold!”

The window above Vinyl exploded into shards as something heavy smashed through. The DJ had no time to avoid the glass shards raining down on her, nor the lump of gold that landed on her head. She let out a yelp of pain before slapping a forehoof over her mouth, staring wide-eyed at the other Pinkietons. They tensed, gripping their weapons tightly and not daring to breath in the silence that followed.

They heard the click of a hoof cannon and Octavia and Vinyl sprung away from the cabin just before a fiery explosion tore through the wall of the cabin, blasting the two agents into the air and enveloping the cabin in a thick cloud of dust and smoke. Even over the echo of the thunderous explosion and the crackle of burning timber, Messy Manes’ raspy voice could clearly be made out. “So you think you can sneak up on me?!” Her silhouette slowly became visible as she stepped through the hole she had blown into the cabin wall. “Thought you could pull a fast one on Messy Ma—”

An arrow suddenly shot through the cloud of smoke, embedding itself in the bandit’s shoulder. Messy Manes bellowed in pain, clutching her shoulder with one forehoof as she quickly retreated into the cabin. Outside, Octavia was already drawing another arrow against her bow, taking aim as the cloud of dust and ash began to settle.

“It’s over, Messy Manes!” the cellist called out. “You are under arrest for crimes committed against the citizens of Equestria! I ask that you surrend—”

A small, wrapped candy suddenly hurtled out of the cloud towards Octavia. The cellist had just enough time to leap behind a nearby boulder before there was an explosion of chocolate and caramel where she had been standing, leaving behind a crater and splattering sugary shrapnel across the front of her boulder. She glanced over to see the other Pinkietons also taking cover behind boulders as a hail of magic bolts zipped over their heads.

“I forgot Bonnie had those,” Octavia muttered. She heard the gallop of hooves and peeked around her boulder, catching a glimpse of the form of a mare running into the mine.

“Vinyl, Manes is making a run for it!” the cellist shouted, jerking her head towards the mine. The DJ nodded and turned towards Watt Sun and Sharp Eye.

“You guys think you can handle these two?”

Sharp Eye nodded, wincing as a magic bolt came within inches of cutting through her mane. “I think so, but a little extra firepower would be nice!”

Vinyl quickly grabbed the tommy gum and tossed it to Sharp Eye. “Here! Give us some cover!” The young mare nodded before charging the weapon and unleashing a rain of pink gum pellets at the cabin while Vinyl and Octavia bolted out from behind their boulders, racing for the mine entrance.

Inside the cabin, Bonnie and Clydesdale were huddled against the wall next to the hole, desperately trying to avoid the onslaught of gum that rained through. Bonnie had a bon-bomb loaded in her slingshot, but couldn’t get a chance to fire it. “Damn it Clyde, if you’d give me some cover I could get in a decent shot!”

“Oh, is that what I should do?” the stallion snapped, levitating his rifle beside him. “How novel.”

“Don’t you be getting smart with me!” Bonnie retorted, who, unable to get a good shot, resorted to flinging her bon-bomb out the hole with a forehoof. It exploded as she went on. “We both know I’m the only one here with any brains!”

Her husband barely avoided the cake frosting and custard that was now accompanying the gum. “You know, before I met you, I was really going places! I was a made stallion!”

“Clyde, despite your belief to the contrary, being in a beer commercial doesn’t make you a made stallion!” A section of the wall, riddled with impact points from the gum pellets, nearly fell on her.

Clydesdale started returning fire. “It was Buckweiser! That’s good money!”

“Good money for a chump! Why couldn’t I have married a stallion with ambition?”

The stallion snapped open the rifle, charging the cartridges with more magic. “Why bother when you can just buck one on the side?!” he yelled, closing the rifle and getting a few shots off before dodging another hail of gum.

“You know what?” Bonnie screamed, her eyes glistening. “I don’t need you! Nopony needs you! You couldn’t even be bothered to remember our anniversary last week!” In her fury, she flung another bomb outside.

“Last week?” Clydesdale muttered. “No, our anniversary is in two days!”

“Two days?! No, you idiot, we got married on the 14th!” The pounding of gum pellets hitting the side of the cabin grew louder as the walls began to give in.

“We got married in that little courthouse, but you said you wanted a real wedding! So we crashed that fancy one we found and took the place of the bride and groom! Don’t you remember me holding the pastor at gunpoint while we said our vows?”

“Of course I remember!” Bonnie snapped. “Wait, you thought that was our anniversary date?”

The cabin began to groan as the wall started to slowly cave in from the force of the firepower outside. “Well, of course I did! You said it wasn’t really official until we had a real wedding!”

Bonnie’s mouth was agape and her eyes were brimming with tears. “You remember that...”

Finally, the wall collapsed on them, taking a section of the roof with it and knocking the two ponies to the floor. Half of the cabin had collapsed, but the two emerged out of the pile of wood almost unharmed. For a moment, they stood facing each other, gum-covered shingles sticking to their fur as they breathed heavily, teeth gritted and glaring at each other.

“I hate you...” Bonnie muttered before flinging herself at Clydesdale and knocking him to the floor, embracing him in a passionate kiss which he eagerly returned. They wrapped their hooves around each other, rolling in the sticky mess while Watt Sun and Sharp Eye watched the scene from outside with looks of stunned shock.

The two Pinkietons glanced at each other. “We... don’t act like that, right?” Watt Sun asked.

Sharp Eye snickered before giving him a peck on the cheek. Watt Sun’s face turned beet red as she holstered the tommy gum over her back and started trotting towards the cabin. “Come on tough guy, let’s go tie them up.”