“Nightmare…” Strawberry repeated. He shut his mouth and took a gulp. He forced himself to quit jiggling in place for a second, and he managed to find some inner strength to steel himself. “My Nightmare…” He held his right hoof up in the air, and he made contact with the door. His hoof still wouldn’t stop wobbling. My love… My Princess. He pushed forwards, and then the doors opened.

He saw a massive room with cold, lonely looking metallic walls. Some kind of gigantic mechanical device with knob after knob, dial after dial, slider after silder, and goodness knows what else pasted onto it. Strawberry— totally confused— wandered into the room.

“H-h-hello,” he called out.

“Pleased to meet you,” a voice called out behind him.

Strawberry made a nervous squeak, and then he spun around. He saw that the doors that had been behind him had vanished. A confident looking greyish unicorn with a scruffy brown mane stood in that place. Strawberry’s eyes focused on the unicorn’s big red bow-tie for a bit, and then he moved other to see the cutie mark— an hourglass symbol.

“Doctor Whooves,” the greyish brown unicorn said. He extended a hoof.

“Strawberry Dawn,” Strawberry replied. They shook hooves, and then the Doctor sped over to fiddle with the enormous device. “Uh… sir…”

“Oh, goodness… It would be nice enough if for once— just once— the TARDIS would pick a world with magic and then decide to convert everything around to magic. Alas, I’m just going to have to interface everything,” Whooves said as he stuck his head into a massive box of cables, “And— of course— I shouldn’t complain.” He waved his arms around in mock annoyance. “I should never complain, anyways. But I especially shouldn’t complain if I wake up to find my whole mechanical and electronic set-up working the same way in a new world.”

“That’s…” Strawberry searched for words, “Nice… But I need to find… Nightmare Moon.”

“Oh, I’m dreadfully sorry,” Whooves said, and he popped his head out of the box to give Strawberry a friendly look, “I should have explained. It’s the Heisenberg compensators. They’ve popped about here, there, and every which where. I suppose you’d have quite a shock.”

Strawberry started back wordlessly.

“I’m glad that you’re holding up so well,” Whooves went on, and he tapped Strawberry’s side with his front right hoof.
“Heisenberg compensators… Wonderful things, in their proper use, of course… But then again, I suppose it’s no different than the electricity that powers your life’s conveniences on the inside being the same electricity that would sent you right to the hospital on the outside. Life is so, so… reflective that way…”

“But… where’s… Moon?”

“Due time, my new friend, due time…”

“That time is now.” Strawberry put a hoof on Whooves’ side, and he made a very determined look.

The greyish brown unicorn frowned. “I know that this won’t mean much to you but, well, here goes: The Master has decided to bathe your planet in Heisenberg compensators in an artificial meteor shower. For the life of me, I don’t know why he decided to pick on… here… the ponies here, of all the places in the universe… Anyways, the shower had had its desired effect. If you were to look out a window, you’d little portal-like things, little bumps in gravity, little radient bulbs of sheer magnetism, and goodness knows what else flying about the air.”

“Nice… lecture…”

Whooves paced around the center of the TARDIS for a moment. “I don’t expect you— pardon my frankness— to understand me. I just expect you to…” They locked eyes. “To, well, belieeeeeeeeee—”

Strawberry suddenly found himself looking at thin air. He blinked. He then sped over and came across some kind of mysterious pony-sized bottomless hole in the middle of the floor.

“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”

The unicorn stood back up. He glanced all around for the source of the laughter. He didn’t see a thing. He heard a chuckle, and then Strawberry thrust his head up. Another unicorn— with a sold bright blue body, Whooves’ same cutie mark, and a ridiculous looking gigantic beard, mustache, and poofy mane— swung from a broken metal beam on the ceiling.

“Are you scared, mere mortal?” the blue unicorn asked. He let out a huge laugh once again. He let go, and he landed right beside Strawberry with a big ‘thud’. He bounced upwards, totally unharmed by the drop. “Scared? At how I, the Master, trapped the Doctor so— so— easily?”

“To be honest, no,” Strawberry replied.

The Master halted. He then put on a pained expression. “You’re… you’re telling the truth? I… I…”

“If it makes you feel any better, I only first heard of the Doctor about, eh, one exact minute ago,” Strawberry said.

“Ahhhh…” The Master replied. He then scrawled. “You… you… sodding Americans.” He lowered his voice. “I wonder if you’ve ever even heard of BBC America… or ever even covered the classics like Fawlty Towers or Yes, Minster…” His grousing stopped as the lights went out. The two unicorns stood motionlessly in the solid black darkness. They then heard a loud pounding sound.

“Blast!” The Master exclaimed. He fumbled about in the dark. “That couldn’t be… be… the energy shield… MY energy shield…” Freezing cold wind then burst through the TARDIS. The unicorns strained to keep themselves from being knocked over.

“No, no, no, no,” Strawberry moaned to himself, feeling the wind build and clinging onto some metal bar in front of him. He felt his back hooves dangle in the air. “Nooooo… Mooooooooooon!” He slipped and fell into nothingness.

Some indeterminate amount of time passed. Strawberry had a soft, fluffy sensation. He then woke up atop that familiar rug that he had saw in Moon’s bedroom. He popped upwards, but his heart sank. He was totally alone. He wandered over towards the window. He looked out, and all he saw was some kind of thick pink wetness— almost like solid pudding. He stuck out his hooves and took a glob.

“Heisenberg compensators taste like… like…” he muttered, “Cotton candy?”

*SMASH*

Strawberry wobbled in place and then keeled over. Some gigantic grey something— almost like a gigantic hoof— had punched through the solid goop and then right through the window. The mysterious pink substance sprayed all over the room. Strawberry laid back for a moment in a total daze.

“You… you…” said an angry voice.

Strawberry stood back up, and he walked over to the window. He saw… Derpy. The grey pegasus stood, for whatever reason, about the size of a few buildings stacked on top of each other. Although she looked a bit like a gigantic monster, she had a rather happy expression. Strawberry looked over, and he saw a very whitish-purple unicorn sitting on Derpy’s shoulder. The unicorn had a flamboyant poofy dark purple mane with a cream colored suit and a sparkly lapel… as well as seething expression.

“I have a bone to pick with you… Strawberry…” the unicorn called out, and he put a lot of venom into that name.
“How do you know my name?” Strawberry asked.

“It’s me, Raspberry, Raspberry Star,” the unicorn said. He seemed rather proud of himself just for existing.

“I’m Strawberry Dawn… So, uh… pleased to… meet… you?” Strawberry asked, “And what exactly happened to… Derpy…”

“That’s… immaterial!” Raspberry yelled, “The point is you. It’s all your fault. YOUR FAULT!” Strawberry slinked back towards the bed away from the window. “YOU sucked up all of the author’s time. He spent hours upon hours working on me… on this… the real story… and now you… you… YOU RUINED It! You and your little… Your pathetic ‘male Twilight’ fantasy of a nerd boy and a goddess! Geez, paging Stephanie Meyer!”

“I don’t know… anything… that you’re going on about,” Strawberry squeaked.

“It’s just…” Raspberry said, and then his mood flipped. He started to cry a little. “Just… I want some attention. I’m so lonely. I’m so missed. It used to be day after day that Swiper would be developing something about me, something for me… I... Now, you’re Swiper’s baby.”

“Swiper?”

“You know him… the fox… He has the gloves and like the mask and… stuff…”

“The fox?”

“You’re hopeless…”

“AND YOU’RE TOO LATE!” The unicorns snapped out of their little argument, and they saw the Master step in through the bedroom door. He held up a sonic disruptor. He opened his mouth to say something else, but then he stopped to pant. Drool poured out of his mouth. “So… many… blasted… stairs…” He laid himself prostate in the doorway for a moment. “So… many… steps…”

Raspberry nudged around on Derpy’s shoulder, and then he pulled out his own small metal device. “And… you are…”
“You’re executioner!” The Master yelled— pulling together his dastardly nature and standing back up. He reached around the floor beside him. “You’re… you’re…” He lowered his voice. “Where did it…”

“You’re too late,” a smarmy voice sounded behind the Master. A fluffy orange fox with bright blue gloves and a matching mask hopped up above the unicorn’s body and then hung on top of the grandfather clock. He waved around the sonic disruptor.

“Swiper no swiping,” the Master called out— terror going through his face.

“Really now… it’s already in my hand…” Swiper groused.

“Alright, I’ve had enough,” Raspberry said. He aimed his own device and fired— his horn glowing brightly. The Master screamed out in pain. He fought back with his own magical power. Yet, in just a matter of seconds, a gigantic pulsing portal of some kind had formed in the doorway.

The Master jumped backwards to make his escape. Raspberry went to cheer at his victory, but then he screamed in shock when he realized that his sonic device had been magically pulled from his hoof in the process. He then sobbed.

“That’s… interesting…” Swiper remarked. He looked in his hand, and he realized that he didn’t have the sonic device anymore. Raspberry took a little bit of satisfaction from that— stopping his crying.

The now-familiar greyish brown unicorn suddenly stuck his head out from inside the still pulsing portal. “I’ll put these to good use,” Whooves said, and he stuck out his right hoof to show the two disruptors. He immediately was pulled back through.

The fox rubbed across his head. “Well, what now…”

“What do you mean, ‘what now’!” Raspberry yelled. He pointed at Swiper and wagged his hoof. “You have… a lot of stuff to write now…”

“Oh, man!” Swiper exclaimed, and he shucked his footpaws.

“Writing? How boring! I’d rather read! Or… live,” a perky, happy voice sounded through the portal. It snapped shut an instant later. Yet that was enough time for Pinkie Pie to jump through and then tumble onto Swiper.

“What are… you doing here…” Strawberry tried to ask, although he felt so lost at what had been happening that he wanted to melt into the floor rug.

“I’m always there when the forth wall is broken,” Pinkie said. She made a gigantic smile. “It’s kind of my thing, silly!” She then bucked up upon her hind hooves. “How are you doing?”

“Pinkie, you’re standing into nothing… Who are you talking to?” Raspberry asked.

“The reader, of course,” Pinkie replied with a giggle. She tapped against the computer screen. “Hey, remember to not be too close and stuff because like Nurse Redheart told me this one time of this pony that kept leaning so close to the screen and he liked it a lot but then he got sick and his eyes like pulsed and there was like blood and—”

“Pinkie!” Strawberry shouted.

“Yes?” the sweet pink pony asked.

“Where’s…” the unicorn tensed with emotion as he tried to talk, “Moon… Where’s… the pony I love.”

“She’s not there… I think…” Pinkie said. She then smudged her face against the screen— coming up upon the bright red button with the X. She took a breath and then fogged things up all the way to the minimize and maximize buttons. “I can’t see very much, but I think she… oh wait, I think it’s a he… Sorry there! Anyway, I think he’s totally alone. I don’t see any alicorns.”

Strawberry let out a sad moan.

“Of course, if he had an alicorn— if Moon was rubbing the side of his hand right now and he moves down the mouse— he probably wouldn’t share her.”

“SHARE HER!” Strawberry hollered. The very idea made him nauseous.

“But don’t be so sad!” Pinkie bounced down off the screen and then rubbed Strawberry’s side. “You should be happy. We’re here right now, and we have such a great crossover going on! Equestria Daily would probably love this if we could develop it into an independent story.”

“Daily…” Strawberry muttered. He didn’t care for any more of Pinkie’s ramblings.

“MISTER FOX!” Pinkie sped over to Swiper’s side, and she bounced up again and again. “I love how you’ve been doing me. I haven’t said a bad thing or done a bad thing or gotten anyone in trouble or anything! And you haven’t had ONE sexual or romantic thing implied about me ever! I’m totally PG!”

“Thanks?” Swiper replied— a very confused look on his face. This is getting a little, well… more than confusing.

“Oooh, slanty text, can I have some slantly text too?” Pinkie asked. Oh hey, slanty text… Looking pretty cool… Just being like this looks so… fancy… Oh, there’s a lot of those ellipses in these slantly text… Is that supposed to be some way of conveying how thoughts are more disjointed and less well formed than speech… Pinkie shook her head yes. That’s fascinating… But this is way too much ping-pong dialogue. It’s just been me and the berries. Let’s have some action. Action!

*Bang* A loud noise appeared from behind the bedroom door.

“Oh, that’s great, keep building the suspense. Maybe have the characters react in different ways,” Pinkie said. She nudged Swiper on the side. The fox stared back at her blankly.

Raspberry tapped his hoof on his shoulder— wondering if maybe he made a mistake even coming into this story. He knew the similar names had to be confusing to the reader. Strawberry just buried himself in the rug— dreaming of Moon and wondering if he would ever see her again.

“Oh, I know it’s 2:54 am, but please just go on a little bit longer,” Pinkie said, fluttering her eyes and applying the full charm to her words.

A set of little taps appeared from behind the bedroom door. The taps built up into a loud torrent of knocks. The unicorns looked at each other. Suddenly, an odd clicking sound appeared. Strawberry had no idea what it was, but Raspberry had gone to enough rifle ranges to recognize a gun cocking.

I probably should get it… “I probably should get it,” Pinkie said, and she stepped over, “Oh, sorry, I should have known that I was just being redundant just now…” She put her hooves against the door, and she then thrust it open. Well, what is it? Huh? Oh, it’s a bit of a cliffhanger… So you’re building up to the next paragraph to let the reader know what Pinkie sees. I mean what I see. Whatever. Oh, wait… I should probably stop thinking so that the reader can go to the next paragraph.

The unicorn’s mouthed dropped. They saw Moon, barely conscious, held at gunpoint by a mysterious assailant. Raspberry recognized it as a Tec-9, and he recognized the girl as… Dora. The little tyke otherwise known from the Nickelodeon television series looked rather pissed.

Strawberry had never had eyes on either a human being— cartoon or otherwise— and had no idea know what to think. He saw that Moon was in danger. He wanted to leap over and act. Yet, by instinct, he seemed to know that that weapon was bad news.

Is it necessarily to label the model of the gun? Pinkie looked back at the girl and the alicorn without any emotion. I guess it was… Hey, don’t droop your eyes like that. You can finish wiring this part! I believe in you. Everyone else in the room stared at Pinkie as she seemed to smile, touch, and then mumble at the empty air in the middle of the room.

“Anyways… where is that pinche fresa?” Dora asked. She nudged the gun closer to Moon’s neck. The half-consious alicorn shivered.

Oh, swears! But it’s okay if it’s not in English, right? I wonder if Equestia Daily would care… Pinkie keeled over, and she pawed at the air in front of her. Everyone else in the room decided to just ignore her.

“Uh… uh…” Swiper stammered.

“REVENGE,” Dora began, and she moved herself over to the petrified fox, “Is a dish… best served… steaming hot.”

What a cliché… and are you really going to have an underage girl as your antagonist? Pinkie suddenly bounced up and let out a gasp. She turned around and faced Dora. “You… you have a gun. On… Moon?”

“You’re just now figuring this out?” Dora asked back sarcastically.

“Just… please… let her go…” Strawberry moaned. He felt so helpless.

“WAIT!” Pinkie screamed. Everyone else looked right at her. Huh… why did I do that again… So… Uh… Uh… So… Hey, I’m asking YOU! You can’t ask me! Whatever! “I think that I feel something… Oh…” She jumped up. “Twitching tail!”

“Is that a STD?” Raspberry muttered sarcastically.

“It’s foreboding!” Pinkie said, and she ran over to Swiper. She picked up the fox and then placed him besides Strawberry. “There’s going to be more.”

“More… what?” Dora asked, and she pressed the gun deeper into Moon’s neck.

“More crossovers!” Pinkie screamed. I don’t scream… usually… Everyone in the room— as well as Derpy and Raspberry standing outside the window— stood completely still.

Nothing happened. There might has well have been tumbleweeds going by. Oh… okay… Hey, listen… Can you stop with the slanty text? It’s a little excessive, and plus this is NOT the ‘Pinkie Pie’ story. Strawberry is the protagonist! It’s HIS thoughts that need illuminating. Pinkie knew that something weird was going to happen any moment. She just knew it.

*Bang*

Dora made a pained face— wondering if he gun had gone off without her even pressing the trigger. The other ponies glanced about and searched for the source of the loud noise. Pinkie abruptly keeled over, and her face seemed glazed over. Strawberry and Swiper locked eyes. They knew more of whatever Pinkie had said— more ‘crossing over’— was about to come. Dora let out an angry growl, and she pointed all about the room with her gun.

Everyone’s eyes flew over to the right side of the room. The rustling built up and built up. Suddenly, a gigantic blue shark stuck the end of its shiny white nose out from behind the massive sofa. “Whaaaaaat… it-s-s-s-s getting a little cr-a-a-a-zy out here,” Jabberjaw muttered.

“R’uh roh! Rooks rike rom Run-play,” said a voice from under one of the sofa cushions. Scooby-Doo slowly poked his head out and then glanced around in all directions.

“Like, Scoob, why did you have blow… our c-cover,” Shaggy said, sticking out his eyes from the nearby cushion, “Oh, man…” A ‘Jinkies’ shot out from somewhere under another cushion.

A group of tails shot up from behind the set of potted plants. Josie waved her hand out sheepishly in surrender, and the rest of the Pussycats ducked themselves down further. “This is… really not groovy,” Josie squeaked out.

One of the bookshelves rumbled. It suddenly tipped over, and a big greyish gorilla with big purple pants and a matching purple bowler hat as well as terrified expression found himself standing defenessles. “Don’t shoot!” Magilla Gorilla called out. He wiggled his huge arms in terror.

His eyes then turned as more commotion appeared behind the other bookcases. They fell down like dominoes to revel a variety of brightly colored other men, women, and animals— all of them scared for their lives. Top Cat nudged himself slightly behind Casper, who then dematerialized backwards into the wall. Papa Smurf and Smurfette jumped into Yogi Bear’s arms.

The cartoon characters all slowly nudged themselves out of their hiding places. Dora motioned at them with her gun, and then they then bunched into a big group on the bedroom’s bed. She stepped a little bit closer, and they all shook in intense fear.

“Oh, please,” Raspberry groused, “What is this going to be… like the cover of Sargent Pepper? Is like friggin’ everyone going to show up?” Derpy shrugged as he finished.

“OOOOOOOOOH!” Pinkie squealed. She jumped out from her previous daze, and then she bounced around so quickly that she almost broke the floor. “MORE FRIENDS! More fun! A better party! More friends more fun!” She hurled herself around the room, and she experienced ‘pinkie sense’ after ‘pinkie sense’ while babbling on. She suddenly stopped, and she smacked her face against her hooves.

“I’ve got a very bad feeling about this…” Strawberry said, and he focused his eyes back on Moon. The gun almost seemed to burn against her face.

A torrent of slamming knocks burst out from inside the grandfather clock. Before Strawberry could say ‘Manchester’, the wood front burst off the hinges. A disheveled and inebriated looking rock star with frizzy brown hair, a tattered looking light brown 'foreign adventure'-style jacket, and wraparound black sunglasses took a few steps out— slamming down each step like Frankenstein’s monster out of its surgical table.

“What in the BLOODY HELL is all of this GODDAMN noise!” Liam Gallagher shrieked. He gestured at the ponies with a three-fourths empty bottle of Crown Royal. “Cantcha just… stop… think… Let me THINK for one BLOODY SECOND!” He took another swig.

“This is… just…” Dora stammered. She tried to keep her tough face on, and the gun right on Moon.

“Just what— infidel,” groused Osama bin Laden as he poked his head out of the flowerpot. He nudged a little bit and then poked his robed arms out— covered in dirt and roots.

Part of the wallpaper ripped open from behind Osama, and then a smartly dressed balding man with thick jowls and an impermeable scowl stepped forward. “Aw, quit your whining already,” Richard Nixon muttered.

“Nice… TUX,” Liam sarcastically remarked to Tricky Dick, “Who’s bloody funeral d-did you just… come from? HA!” He lost it at his own joke, slapping his knee. “Harrod’s sale… with that bloody trash…” He fumbled around for his pack of cigarettes.

“Is it safe now, man?” called out a voice form underneath the bedroom rug. It slid over, and Tommy Chong stuck out his arms. He shimmed out, and then he eyed the gun. “Oh… Hey, man… Just one minute, man.” Dora pointed it over for a second, but then she aimed it right back at Moon.

“Don’t hurt her, please. Not the princess,” called out another voice from under a desk. He poked his scruffy head out a little bit. “Just think of poor Strawberry over there. Moon’s been living in her uptown world… and I’ll bet she’s never had a backstreet guy… Bet her momma never even told her why…”

Dora gestured at Billy Joel with the gun as well. He squealed and then thrust his arms in the air in surrender. “JESUS! No need to have a heart att-ack-ack-ack-ack-ack-ack-ack!”

“This whole situation is just… so horrible… Strawberry had this wonderful date, and to end like this. Cuz’ it’s a bittersweet,” said a man stepping out from under a window blind, “This life… Try to make ends meet… You're a slave to money… Then you die!”

“Okay, again,” Dora groused, clearly losing her patience, “So, who are you?”

“I’m a million different people from one day to the next,” he said. Dora scowled back at him, and then Richard Ashcroft silently took his place with the rest of the crowd.

“Look!” Dora shouted. She held Moon— who seemed to have basically fainted—a bit tighter, and she stepped in a little circle. “EVERYONE who is still hiding had better come out NOW and I mean NOW or else I’m plugging her!”

Nothing happened for a moment. Then, all of the furniture either blew up or got thrown into the air or fell to pieces as dozens upon dozens of people came out. Strawberry’s mouth dropped, and Dora’s did as well. Raspberry just smacked his face with his hooves. Pinkie hopped again and again in pure excitement.

“I haven’t seen so many new friends since our Canterlot play!” Pinkie called out. She clapped.

The crowd around the bed began clinging closer to each other at Dora’s orders. Billy Joel groused at Steven Tyler to get off his legs, and Justin Bieber couldn’t look any more weirded out by having Richard Nixon’s hands on his back. Buddy Holly bumped into Elvis Costello, and the two of them gawked at each other— then they moved about their hands in the air in perfect symmetry like living mirrors. Liam Gallagher remained beside the ruined clock away from the group— bobbing from side to side like he could barely stand.

“Swwwwiiiiiipppppeeeerrrrrr,” Dora muttered, and her face contorted with anger. She looked up, and she saw the fox holding onto the remains of the ceiling fan. He made a sheepish smile, and then he let go. He landed right atop Saddam Hussein’s shoulders.

Dora tapped the gun against the alicorn’s side, and then the crowd all raised their hands up in surrender. Strawberry tried to slink herself every closer to Dora’s defenseless back. She suddenly spun around, and she stopped Strawberry in his tracks.

“Nice… try…” the girl remarked, and she made a devious smile. She moved the gun around from Moon’s side to right on her temple.

“Please, Dora!” Swiper called out. “This has nothing to do with him! Or her! Or…” He glanced down at the former Iraqi dictator below him— who also looked up at the fox with equal bewilderment. “Them…”

“Sure…” she said, and she paused. She got lost in thought for a moment, but then she smiled back again. “So, everyone, would you like to know about Swiper’s…”

“No!” Swiper screamed.

“Yes!” Dora screamed back. Her hair fluttered around her face, sweat dripping down. “His secret, about these ponies, about all of this…”

“No, no, no,” the fox whined, “Please, no, please…”

“That he…” she went on.

“Nooooooooo…” he moaned.

“Had already started clopping back in the LAST GENERATION!” Dora yelled out. She then paused. The fox looked despondent, but the crowd of people and animals seemed to have huge question marks on their heads.

“Exhibit A! And that’s check and match,” she said, and she reached into her backpack to pull out a huge paper printout. The crowd gawked at the image of Minty with some drippy wet goodness poured all over her face and mane. A set of fox prints had been almost burned into the side of the printout.

“That’s ‘check and mate’, you idiot,” Raspberry remarked. He hopped off of Derpy’s side onto the window, but he stopped when Dora pointed the gun.

“That’s… that’s just…” Swiper said, and she shifted about nervously, “That’s… not what it looks like!”

“What’s all that white material Minty is licking up?” Dora asked. All eyes of the crowd went to Swiper.

“Uh… ice cream?” Swiper muttered with a shrug.

“What is that— that— PRETENTIOUS SOD DOING HERE!” Liam Gallagher suddenly shrieked, shocking all of the people and animals in that room. The musician pointed with the end of his wine bottle right at the edge of the crowd.

The group shifted about— people and animals glancing about at each other. Noel Gallagher then silently held up his hands, stuck them out, and wagged his body about in place in a way that screamed— ‘Come at me, arsehole’. Billy Idol chuckled loudly besides Noel.

“If I told them ONCE…” Liam said, “I BLOODY WELL told them… a ZILLION BLOODY times. I wouldn’t be PRESENT in the same goddamn… vicinity…” He seemed to fall over as he strained out that last word. “As him… I would have to be PRETTY goddamn skint until… then.” He bonked up against an upturned trash can as he wandered towards his brother, and he half fell over. “And…” He paused. “I AIN’T THAT GODDAMN SKINT!”

Noel wagged his eyes around silently in an ‘I can’t believe this crap’ expression. He stepped a little away from the crowd. Dora— caught up all the talking— almost found herself being jumped upon by Strawberry. She flipped around at just the right moment and then shoved the unicorn down— gun still drawn on Moon.

“I ain’t…” Liam repeated, but he then stopped. He lost himself in thought. “Well, I ain’t… except for the… the Rolls I got yesterday. And… the Olympic tickets. And the… the… wait, what the hell was that? A case of… Did I even pay any bloody attention?” Liam tapped his face in confusion. “Well, ALRIGHT!” He waved his bottle as if to throw it at Noel, but he took another swig instead. “MAYBE I AM SKINT!” A bunch of voices in the crowd muttered, and Noel made a devious smirk.

“Will all of you PLEASE just… SHUT UPPPPPPPPPPP!” Dora hollered at the top of her voice. The crowd froze and went totally silent.

After a few tense moments, Raspberry stepped a little closer— now, sitting right besides Strawberry— and he opened his mouth to say something. Dora gestured at him once again with her gun. Raspberry shut it. Strawberry, unable to take it anymore, cried out, “Please, Dora, just… just… leave her alone.”

“Swiper…” Dora said, turning around and facing the crowd again. The fox had seemed to vanish once again. “You’re not going to hide for long…” She moved a little closer to the bed. The crowd milled about.

The two unicorns locked eyes in a way that made it clear that they would make a jump for Dora. Her back had turned upon them at the perfect moment. Their horns glowed, and they leaned down.

“RECHARGED!” Pinkie screamed, and she bounced up behind them. Strawberry and Raspberry fell flat on their faces. Dora and the crowd focused their attention on the pony.

“You… you… where were you just now?” Dora asked.

“Oh, summoning from beyond the forth wall was harder that I thought, so I went into a little inter-dimentional stasis, silly,” Pinkie replied. She waved her poofy mane around.

“For the love of GOD,” Raspberry remarked, giving Pinkie the look of death, “You’re not going to bloat up the story with even MORE pointless side characters?”

“Did you just hear what he said?” Pinkie said to herself. She paused, and then she spun in place. She bucked up on her hind legs and then tapped her hooves upon the computer screen. “Did YOU just hear what he said? Er… Did you just read what he… wrote… had written about him, mister internet man?”

Everyone watched Pinkie in stunned silence as she spoke to thin air. The pink pony stepped back down onto the rug, paused, and then wiggled herself around. Strawberry’s heart sank as she went ‘pinkie sense’ like crazy. The crowd standing around the bed also milled about in disapproval.

“Well,” Raspberry said, “At least, there’s going to be… I don’t know.” He scratched his mane with his hooves. “Damn, this has to be the weirdest thing I’ve ever seen. And you’re talking to a human-and-pony mutant with monster summoning powers.” He saw that Strawberry almost wanted to burst out in tears, and Raspberry comforted him. “At least there hasn’t been any… shipping…”

“Oh, we’re so far away from any source of water, silly. There’s no way anything could be shipped around,” remarked Sarah Palin, and she flashed a Charlie Sheen-like ‘winning’ smile.

“Hello,” Buddy Holly said to her. Palin turned around, and their eyes met. Chemistry immediately blossomed. The Alaskan right-winger moved closer and closer to the rock n roll star… almost by instinct. Holly smiled. She smiled back. The magic in the air became so intense that they could barely breathe.

*Smooch*

Justin Beiber made a repulsed face. Holly and Palin kissed again and again— knocking each other to the floor beneath them. Half of the crowd gawked and several of the guests murmured.

“Well… ‘ship ship hooray’, then…” Margaret Thatcher remarked, “But, I’m afraid, that doesn’t affect our present predicament. All of this…. Mindless gunplay…”

Damon Albarn nodded, and then he glanced over at Saddam Hussein. The rock frontman whisteled, and then he whispered, “This is… the last time… LAST TIME… I eat two whole pizzas before sleeping…”

Raspberry held Strawberry close. The unicorns looked back at the crowd. Raspberry remarked, “Seriously, this is such a random gathering of characters that I almost want to take a picture or something.”

“Picture time?” a voice bounced up from behind them. The unicorns looked back to see a wiry man with a tattered jacket and big black-rimmed spectacles. He carried an old-fashioned Kodak camera. “So… let’s all get lined up behind the Latina homicidal maniac, please.”

Dora, Moon, Strawberry, Raspberry, and almost all of the rest of the creatures in the room duly obeyed. Liam Gallagher remained motionless in his drunken stupor, and Pinkie had collapsed onto the floor. Her color seemed to have gone from pink to grey—and her body glowed from some inter-dimensional energy. Despite everything, the crowd of characters all managed a smile as Andy Warhol clicked the shutter. Even Dora decided to hold the gun down in a way that attracted less attention.

“Would be like Sargent Pepper, if we just had the…” Raspberry began, and he then stammered as John Lennon smiled behind him. “The… The…” He couldn’t help trailing off and making googly eyes— feeling totally starstruck.

“Pleasure to be here,” Paul McCartney said, sticking his head out in between Billy Idol and Billy Joel, “Even if it is, well, difficult circumstances... to say the least. We have such illustrious company.”

“P-P-P-P-P-P-Paul…” Raspberry stammered. His eyes became like dinner plates. He squeezed Strawberry so hard that the unicorn thought he might not even be able to breathe.

“Hello,” Dora mouthed off, and she waved about the gun in the air above her, “Illegal with a Tec-9 on a rampage here…” Some of the crowd looked back at her— as did Strawberry— but the rest glanced around amidst all of the people and animals.

“Why doesn’t anyone ever go ‘G-G-G-G-G-G-George’,” another voice groused from over behind McCartney, “It’s like I’m just invisible… sitting here as my guitar gently weeps.”

“Oh, why don’t you just get over yourself,” said yet another voice from deep behind the crowd, “At least you’ve got room to stand upright. Meanwhile, I’m all scrunched down with a fox crouching around my neck like I’m Daniel Boone…”

“FOX!” Dora yelled.

“CBS!” Raspberry sarcastically yelled back.

The young girl ignored him, and she moved herself over to the edge of the bed. She thought about releasing Moon, but she decided to drag her along. She pointed the gun at Swiper, and the fox slinked down off of Ringo Starr’s body onto the ground. The drummer looked more bored than terrified— probably thinking he was lying in the middle of a tour bus drooling with some bad acid in his hands.

Swiper and Dora eyed each other. They now stood in the middle of the rug alone— with the crowd of guests sticking to the bed and the two unicorns stepped off several feet besides the bedroom door. The fox opened his mouth to say something, but it immediately closed again.

“Dora,” Strawberry said. The girl looked over, and the tears pouring from Strawberry’s eyes clearly made an impression on her— though she tried not to show it. “Just let her go. Please. She’s the love of my life.”

“I had a love… I had dreams…” she muttered. She paused, and then she let her inner anger build. “I had hopes. I had faith. I had a destiny. I had THINGS. THINGS I WOULD DO. THINGS I WOULD SAY. THINGS I WOULD TRY.” Her voice had built to an operatic holler. “AND THINGS THAT ALL FELL APART… Because…” She turned over to the fox. “You… swiped… them…” Her sudden whisper sounded absolutely terrifying.

“I… I… I…” Swiper said, seeing the blood pulse inside Dora’s head. She moved her finger from outside the trigger to inside.

“Someone should do something,” Paul McCartney said.

“Yeah, seriously,” Billy Idol muttered.

“Hell yes,” Noel Gallagher said.

“Ditto,” Saddam Hussein said.

“Like, what they said, man!” Shaggy called out.

“Something… big…” Richard Ashcroft remarked, putting a supportive arm around Noel Gallagher.

“OH, FOR GOODNESS SAKE!” Raspberry and Strawberry both yelled. Some odd idea formed in their subconscious from out of nowhere. Although it made no sense, they both instinctly obeyed it. They bounced up as Dora aimed her gun to paste Moon and then Swiper. The unicorns then landed upon the window. “DERPY!”

The T-rex sized pegasus looked right at them.

“SAVE THE DAY!”

Time seemed to freeze. Then, a horrible sucking sound appeared. All of the characters in the room found themselves thrust right from where they stood up in the air… and then towards the window. People and animals grabbed the walls, the rug, the bed’s sheets, the remnants of the ceiling fan, and everything else in the room. The immense sucking went on, and person after person lost their grip— hurled through the open window into nothingness.

Saddam Hussein went out first— tumbling like a fat pumpkin out the castle window and getting a nice smack from Derpy’s beating wings. Her mouth was also pursed in endless suction. She looked like a machine. Justin Bieber let out a girly whine as he flew out the window and landed in a pond outside the bedroom.

Dora could hold onto Moon, hold on to her gun, or hold on to dear life. She decided the two latter choices. Moon— having fainted completely— went sailing through the window. Strawberry and Raspberry watched in horror, but they barely held to the light fixture in the wall as it is.

“D-d-d-derpy!” Raspberry yelled, his eyes shut, “T-t-t-that’s enough.”

The pegasus ceased the suction as abruptly as it began. The characters all tumbled down onto the floor. Strawberry popped right up and looked around in every direction. His heart beat like crazy. “MOOOOOOOOOON!” Strawberry cried out.

“Mmmmmmffffmfmfmfmf,” Moon replied, and Derpy nudged the alicorn around in her mouth. Moon’s bottom half stuck out and looked just like a lollipop— except for the talking and the desperately kicking hooves, of course.

“Oh, thank goodness,” the two unicorns said. They seemed to beam. “Wow, a happy…”

Dora exploded from beneath Billy Idol’s unconscious body like a brony’s erection at Fleur De Lis Rule 34. She kicked her legs free, shot up one hand in a fist, and then raised the TEC-9 with her other hand. “VENGANCE SHALL ME MINE! ME CAGO EN VOSOTROS!”

In probably the worst luck in the history of fanficiton, Swiper found himself pinned between a hook on the wall and the side of Osama bin Laden’s foot. He struggled mightly… in vain. Dora— making Twilight’s performance in Lesson Zero look sane by comparison— locked eyes with the fox.

“Eeep,” he muttered.

*BLAM*

A burst of the Tec-9 fired, taking out a huge chunk of the shoulder. Red furry chunks flew into the air, and Swiper screamed his lungs out. The other characters looked on in sheer terror.

*BLAM*

Another burst almost seemed to sever his left leg off. Pink mist fluttered through the air. Every member of the Beatles all called out in raw emotion. Billy Joel just clung at the two unicorns in fear.

“ME CAGO EN VOSOTROS!” Dora shouted, and her head contorted to the point that her mouth seemed to crack open and her tongue quiver outside it like a snake— just like in one of those sucky anime shows. She fired again and again. “ME CAGO EN VOSOTROS! ME CAGO EN VOSOTROS!”

Swiper’s flesh popped like popcorn. He bounced back foot after foot form the force of bullet after bullet. Dora’s screams grew alien— like the screeches of a machine. The fox bounced back to the edge of the window. Raspberry couldn’t help thinking of Dick Jones’ death from Robocop.

Dora paused. She contorted her face, and she nestled herself besides the hunk of bleeding furry flesh that partially stood in front of her.

“Swiper.”

“No.”

“Swiping.”

*BLAM*

The fox tumbled down out of the window. The lifeless body made a gigantic splash in the pool dozens of floors below. Dora felt so satisfied that she gave herself an ‘evilgasm’— she made Khan’s happy murmur upon burying Kirk alive with the Genesis Project look pathetic in comparison.

“I’ll never have to deal with you again… mamaverga,” Dora mouthed off, “You and your ugly face… your damn gloves… your mask… revealing that… that… Beady Eye!”

Liam Gallagher suddenly stirred from his stupor. “Whaaaa…” he muttered, and then he had a look about, “WHAT THE BLOODY HELL DID… YOU… DO TO MY SET!” He hopped up and down in anger. “I can’t even play a… a… GODDAMN TAMBORINE in… here…” He glanced around for a second and then started straight at Dora— who stood in the middle of the room besides the window and already had all other eyes staring at her. “Oh, that is… IT!”

Dora knocked her gun against her side, and the empty clip bumped down upon the ground. Liam wandered around towards her. A deep, sinking feeling went through her as she pressed the trigger. A fruitless ‘click click’ sounded that the rock start didn’t even notice.

“You little… pinche fresa…” Dora mouthed. The other characters looked on as Liam moved over to her.

“FRESCA? You think I’d spend one bloody second drinking that… swill, you tosser,” Liam yelled back at her. Dora suddenly paused, and her mind remembered her backpack that she had… filled to the brim with extra ammo. "Oh, big girl's got a gun! Whoop!" Liam groused sarcastically.

“Ijo de la grandísima!” Dora shouted. Things seemed to go into slow motion as she smacked her backpack onto the floor and held up her gun at Liam.

The rock star reached up with his bottle, and then he hurled it with full force at the homicidal Latina.

*Smash*

Dora took the broken glass at full force upside her head, and she tumbled about. She tripped over Steven Tyler’s unconscious body, and she bonked up against the window. Dora flailed her arms around helplessly. She then knocked herself back and flopped right out of the window.

The characters all stood or sat in place. Everyone felt totally stunned. Then, after what seemed like an eternity, Strawberry stood up. He walked over towards the window. He pointed up at Derpy.

“My date, please,” he said. The gigantic pegasus opened her mouth, and then she spat out the alicorn in the middle of the room. Strawberry gave her a loving embrace, which she returned.

The rest of the characters milled about. They figured that Pinkie would probably bring them home at some point, but she remained out cold. They also enjoyed talking amongst themselves. Raspberry noticed Liam and Noel Gallagher gazing at John Lennon just like two little puppies with a bag of treats. The unicorn heard the inventible High Flying Birds versus Beady Eye question… and he decided to step away over to Strawberry.

“There’s just… just… well, one thing that really bothers me,” Strawberry told Raspberry.

“What?” Strawberry asked. He clung tightly to the unconscious Moon, covered in Derpy’s spit.

“Well, Swiper…” Strawberry said, and he searched for words, “He… he…”

“Oh, we’ll miss him, surely,” Strawberry replied.

“No, it’s not that… Well, it’s kind of that,” Raspberry said, “The thing is: Swiper was the… author of our stories.”

“So…” Strawberry muttered back— clearly not seeing where that was going.

“He’s dead now,” Raspberry said.

The frizzy pink unicorn just stared back silently.

“It makes no sense,” Raspberry said, “He’s totally dead, and yet there you are— and here I am now. How can I even be talki

The End