Chapter 3: Diplomatic Affairs

The previous day yielded a random musical number along with continued fun with her friends. However, Luna was not able to see all of them. Rarity had some orders to fill out and needed Seafire’s opinion on stuff, Rainbow Dash was doing field work with the weather patrol, Applejack had to tend to farm business and Pinkie had extra work to do down at Sugarcube Corner. Tonight was scheduled for a dinner night with everyone, but first, some real work had to be done. It was about two in the afternoon and Luna was scheduled to meet Celestia and an Ambassador at her study in Ponyville to discuss some international parameters. Of course, political obligations were a necessity, but that didn’t have to mean that Luna enjoyed it. In fact, Luna and Celestia, during many politically oriented meetings, would often toy around with each other and the guests without everyone else’s knowledge. Luna normally would deplore such behavior but after a while, she got used to it and sometimes even took part. It only led to hilarious stories when the two were alone and it was safe to say that many of the guests were not always desirable to be around. This was especially an effective way to get through meetings after Luna’s month-long adventure.

That was exactly how it would go down today. At two o’clock precisely, Luna led in Celestia and the ambassador to the Kingdom of Gry Phon to the north. This was a semi-formal meeting as there were small contingents of soldiers outside of Luna’s house and also due to Luna’s and Celestia’s royal business attire. There were also two royal guards at attention on the wall opposite of Luna’s desk and behind Celestia, clad in uniform and rifles on their backs. In older times, Equestria and Gry Phon were never on friendly terms and many border wars had been fought as a result. The conflicts ended when a peace treaty was signed centuries ago between the two nations, and every few years the treaty would be looked over by both sides to see if anything needed amending.

“Tia, Ambassador Lightwing, please make yourselves comfortable,” Luna said as she led the two to her study and sat behind her rather large desk. Celestia and Lightwing both took seats in front of Luna’s desk, with Celestia’s seat being parallel but somewhat behind the ambassador. Luna tended to handle diplomatic affairs on her own but by formality and protocol, Celestia had to be present as well to ensure best interest.

“Thank you, Princess Luna,” the slightly older ambassador said as he adjusted his seat. Celestia only mocked him by puppeting his words silently with her mouth. Luna mustered a faint grin at this. Truth be told, no one really cared for this ambassador, but Gry Phon appointed him and as a result, there was nothing that could be done.

“Quite. Now, let us begin. We are reviewing the terms, am I correct in my assumption?” Luna asked, putting on her notorious professional façade and producing a notarized copy of the treaty.

“Indeed. We were slightly concerned with the third amendment; article one, paragraph four which refers to the statement of a certain level of militarization along the borders between our nations. This ultimately could constitute to a loophole on either end of the contract which substantially suffices to say that…”

Lightwing continued to talk on and on about one single section and Luna, while remaining attentive, could see Celestia behind him lowering her eyelids in a very bored fashion while resting her head on her balled up hand. It was unanimous agreement that Luna had far more patience for formality than Celestia. All the while, Lightwing had not stopped speaking, expressing his opinions while referring to other sections of the peace treaty. Luna would nod and show that she was listening when appropriate.

“Of course, that makes some sense. What do you propose we do to amend the section? You suggested last time about a partial demilitarization along the part our border which lies on the 91st parallel, correct?” Luna asked.

“Yes indeed, we could scale back our presence by the borders and allow more trade flow through…” Lightwing began, stirring up another onslaught of words. That was also why no one particularly liked him. He tended to overstate things well beyond their necessary parameters and often did so with a smug sense of self satisfaction. At this point, Celestia’s annoyed facial expression didn’t change and shifted her head to her other hand. Lightwing continued to keep talking. Celestia then began to rhythmically push her cheek in and out with her tongue while moving her other balled up fist near her opposite cheek and miming the rather horrible gesture of pushing of an… “object” …in and out of her mouth. Luna noticed this and had to fold her lips inside her mouth to stifle a giggle. Even the Royal Guards ever so slightly lost their composure at the sight of their princess mocking the ambassador so crudely. Eventually the ambassador finished speaking and looked behind him, only to see Celestia in a normal sitting position, nodding informatively.

“Well, I believe that’s agreeable. I’m sure we can work out the details in fixing up that section. So far you have my support there. Anything else you feel we need to clear up?” Luna asked.

“Now that you mention it, Princess, there was an issue that the Gry Phoni Parliament brought up earlier this week. Apparently, prospectors from both our nations are having a shouting war over disputed territory where there rests a bounty of natural resources such as gems. It’s necessary that you send representatives sometime this month to discuss the issue with our Parliament so we can resolve this dispute amicably. This will ensure that…” And there he goes again. Celestia was excited to leave and get back to Canterlot when he began speaking again. Celestia sighed audibly, gaining the attention of Luna’s eyes for a few seconds as she listened to Lightwing. Celestia had leaned back in her chair, balling up her fist and it from her pelvic area up to some arbitrary direction, miming the action of “stroking herself.” Her irritated, half lidded gaze never faltered. Luna almost lost it completely and she had to feign coughing a couple of times to masquerade laughter that was threatening to explode out of her. The guards also had to avert their gazes, Luna noticing small trembles in their body of suppressed laughter.

The meeting continued on for about an hour with the same routine: Drawing attention to an article of the treaty, Lightwing talking incessantly, Celestia mocking him each time, and Luna attempting to suppress her laughter. Eventually, and to the relief of the two Princesses, the meeting ended with both parties satisfied of the amended terms of the treaty.

“Thank you again, Princess Luna. I’m sure I’ll have the pleasure of seeing you again in a few more years,” Lightwing said with a smug smile but offering a respectful bow. Celestia noticeably cringed at the last few words.

“Indeed. Until then, Ambassador,” Luna said and gave a curt nod in response. The two saw the Ambassador off as he departed in a chariot. They then went inside Luna’s house and closed the door, both sighing in relief while busting out laughing, slumping down on the door. Even the guards who were still stationed finally lost it as well.

“Hoooooly FUCK that was terrible!” Luna exclaimed, continuing her fit of hard giggling.

“Don’t deny it, that was hilarious and you damn well know it!” Celestia responded, attempting to control her breathing.

“I’m not denying anything! I almost lost it, you ass! And you, PFC Helmuth and Windfire, almost lost it too!” Luna pointed out to the two remaining Guards, getting all of them to laugh again.

“Are you kidding me, Luna? I was choking back there,” Helmuth stated. Even before Luna “lightened up,” she had ordered all guards to address her colloquially by her name and not ‘princess’ or ‘your highness.’

“That’s because you’re too immature, Helmuth. It was humorous but it wasn’t that funny,” Windfire teased. Luna cocked her head in mock indignation.

“I’m the coronated Princess of the Night, co-ruler in the diarchy and representative of the people of Equestria… it was funny,” Luna stated, getting a chortle out of the Private and a giggle out of everyone else.

“And I’m still also your commanding officer, PFC Windfire. It was goddamn hilarious. At attention!” Luna continued, poking fun at them.

“You win this time, Luna,” Windfire lightly laughed before snapping to attention. Helmuth did the same. Celestia’s eyes gleamed.

“Damn Lulu, you really are a Captain in the military. You got privates standing at attention!” Celestia said with a wink. Luna got the innuendo instantly and facepalmed. The two guards went red with hilarity and light embarrassment, laughing to themselves.

“That was good, Tia. I’ll give you that one,” Luna conceded.

“That’s probably only partially correct in the literal sense anyways. I bet you save all your efforts for Seafire, right?” Celestia prodded more, trying her hardest to get on Luna’s nerves.

“At least I’m getting some… in a manner of speaking,” Luna shot back instantly. Celestia moved her head closer to Luna’s.

“Do ya really think I invite Octavia over so often just for drinks?” Celestia asked rhetorically with a genuine Molestia grin. Luna’s jaw dropped and the two Privates and Celestia completely lost their shit.

“Now that was funny!” Windfire blurted out.

“Wait… you mean to tell me…” Luna was attempting to speak.

“WELL I need to get back to the castle. I have guests coming over, ta ta!” Celestia bade them goodbye before teleporting out of the house. Luna was still trying to process everything but just shook it off. She turned to her guards who were still snickering. She gave them a half-hearted glare but still smirked at them none the less.

“You two are dismissed, and for volunteering as guards for this crap, you two have a week’s paid leave. Enjoy, boys,” Luna said with a smile. She was generous with these two guards in particular because they had been with her since her return from the Moon when they were just recruits, instantly overlooking any bias that may have been against her and acting as her only real ‘friends’ at first. After she “lightened up,” Luna commissioned them as her personal guards. They had worked diligently for her ever since. They even went as far as to refuse any promotions beyond their current rank of Private First Class, as that would entail them being stationed elsewhere away from Luna. She pretty much loved the two guards and she was not afraid to admit that openly.

“Thanks Princess!!!” Helmuth yelled out, both of them gleaming with excitement. Luna’s face furrowed at the mention of her title.

“Want to do tour around the castle for a week instead?” Luna asked.

“No, Luna,” Helmuth quickly said, shaking his head vigorously. Luna only smirked.

“I thought so. Alright, I have to get ready for tonight, so you’re dismissed. Love ya both, now take the both of you and fuck off. See you in a week,” Luna said with a smile as she pointed towards the front door with her thumb and walked towards her room.

“You got it, Luna,” Helmuth said.

“See ya then!” Windfire added before the two of them headed out. Luna giggled to herself once more before closing the door, stripping herself of her royal attire and jumping in the shower. She was thinking about the night’s planned events. Obviously they were all going to meet up for dinner, but afterwards, Twilight mentioned something about a ‘surprise.’

“Well, at least tonight will be interesting,” Luna thought to herself.

“Mine will be too! Octavia just came over… and those last couple of words will have a different meaning later. Now you can’t ‘un-know’ that,” Celestia said in a horrendously teasing manner, entering Luna’s mind. Luna’s blood drained from her face, as the image popped into her mind, not of her own volition.

“Thanks Tia… thanks a bunch,” Luna replied sarcastically, rolling her eyes as she began to wash her body in preparation for the evening ahead.