Kaidan's Short Stories: Vol. 1 - Teen

by Kaidan

First published 16th of January, 2013

A collection of all my one-shot stories. From the comedies for everyone, to mature sci-fi crossovers, and featuring a dozen story prompts from friends. You'll find a great collection of my short stories from 2013 onward here.

A collection of all my one-shot stories. From the comedies for everyone, dark tragedies, to sci-fi crossovers, and featuring a dozen story prompts from friends. You'll find a great collection of my short stories from 2013 onward here.

The mature volume of my one shots is called: Kaidan's One-Shot Compendium: Mature

Featuring: a short-story on a hang-over induced septuple body-swap, A Warhammer 40k crossover, Fluttershy visits an Animal Farm, Rainbow Dash makes homemade fireworks, and more!

Each story has brief tags at the top to alert you to the content, and short tags in the title:
E, T, or M for Everyone, Teen.
Genre tagged by first two lettrs. Comedy = Co
A Sex or Gore tag, if applicable.

ex: T/Co/Sex = Teen Comedy Sex.

*Formerly 'What If'? stories. Editors attributed in the A/N by chapter.

1. Mane 6 Swap Bodies :: E/Co

Twilight rolled over in bed and immediately wished she hadn't. The sun was up now and her head ached from the party the night before. Her throat was dry and she made a mental checklist of why she would never drink again, starting with hangovers and working her way down the mental list. She was just glad Spike hadn't disturbed her while she slept, in fact he had probably brought some water and medicine to her nightstand. The one benefit of having an underage assistant was always having somepony to take care of you the next morning.

Not quite ready to move again, Twilight thought back to her birthday party with Pinkie Pie and her friends, who all promised to make it a night she would never forget. There had been rum cake, jello shots, tequila and liquors. If she never saw a bottle of tequila again in her life it would be too soon.

With a sigh, she took a deep breath and opened her eyes, squinting against the light. The room was a lot cleaner then usual, and Applejack had left her stetson on her nightstand. Plenty of sunlight was pouring through the window, when the thought occurred to Twilight that the window should be on the other side of the room. Sitting up and fighting back a wave of nausea, she saw that she was in Applejack's house. How had she gotten here? She hadn't... Twilight looked around hoping her and Applejack hadn't done anything silly while they were drunk. With Applejack no where in sight her sudden panic seemed quite silly to her. She decided to head downstairs and see if AJ had made them some breakfast.

Twilight rolled out of bed and stood up on the floor, and reached out with her magic to fix the bed. The sheets laid there and refused to move, staying in a scrunched up ball at the end of the bed. Twilight tried again, and again nothing happened. Maybe she had taken a bump to the head, she lifted a hoof to check her horn and several things dawned on her at once.

Her horn was gone, her leg was orange, and as she fell onto her rump in horror locks of blonde hair fell down into her eyes. She wasn't just in Applejack's house, she was Applejack! How could this happen? Was it something she ate? Maybe a mix up of some spells? Twilight's brain raced through dozens of scenarios but nothing explained this. She examined all 4 of her legs and her tail, her cutie mark and her hooves. She was definitely Applejack, she had to get back to the Library as soon as possible! Summoning up her magic she tried to teleport to the library, only to slap a hoof to her face when she remembered she was no longer a unicorn.

Twilight ran over to the door, colliding with it, and then grabbing the handle with her mouth and throwing the door open. She dashed across the hallway ignoring the aches of protest in her head, then carefully walked down the stairs. When she reached the bottom she saw Big Mac and Applebloom enjoying breakfast.

"Hey Applejack, ah never seen you wake up so late, y'all alright sis?" Applebloom hopped out of the chair and trotted over to her big sister. Twilight didn't know how to explain this to anypony so she smiled and bluffed "I'm fine Applebloom, I'm just going to head out and... buck some trees!"

Applebloom looked at her puzzled and asked "Why don't ya have your stetson? And what's with your funny accent?"

Twilight looked over to Big Mac for help but he had an impenetrable poker face. She then glanced back down at Applebloom and lied "I ... ah musta had too much ta drink last night sis, I'll go get my hat 'n get to work." Twilight trotted upstairs and grabbed the hat, then headed out to find the real Applejack before she burnt down her library and all the precious books in it.

Applebloom hopped back onto the stool next to Big Mac who said "You girls get weirder every day." Applebloom grinned back and said "Eeyup."

Applejack could hold her liquor, and the way she felt right now must be a testament to how drunk she'd been last night. The party always was worth a little headache, but this felt like something else entirely. As she lay in bed she almost felt like she was floating on a cloud, and she felt a little woozy as if there was still some alcohol in her system. She reached over for her stetson to block out the sunlight until she felt up to facing the day. Big Mac had seen her hungover before, he'd start the chores without her and then make a few jokes at her expense later.

Applejack's hoof reached for the stetson and swooshed through a cloud. She tried again, and again she hit nothing but air and some condensation. Opening her eyes she rolled to face the disobedient stetson, only to see a wall of clouds. There must be a terrible fog unless Rainbow had somehow carried her up to her house. And if she was in Rainbow's house then Twilight would have had to cast a cloud walking spell... no something wasn't right here.

Applejack rolled out of bed and stretched her wings, and it felt amazing. It was like those first steps off a train when your wings hadn't moved for hours, each muscle tensing and each feather separating, the wind blowing between them. Applejack took a moment to realize what was wrong with this picture. She glanced back to see a large blue wing on her right side and a rainbow colored tail. She glanced left and was met by another wing and some knotted hair on her mane.

Applejack walked over to a nearby mirror and her fears were confirmed. In the mirror stood Rainbow Dash, magenta blood shot eyes, cyan coat, disheveled prismatic mane, and cutie mark. She recalled a game of truth or dare last night, but Twilight wouldn't possibly use her magic for this! And if she was here, Rainbow Dash must be at Sweet Apple Acres! That prankster was probably doing horrible things to tease the Apple family.

"Come here Big Mac, I just want to put Granny's girdle on you and tickle you a little!" Applejack shook the thought from her head. That no good prankster and Twilight were going to get an earful. The only problem was, Applejack had no idea how to fly and she walked over to the balcony. It looked hundreds of feet to the ground. Applejack went back inside and tried slapping her wings around against the air but to no avail. She tried angling them different ways until she could finally start to hover. It seemed like she had a bit of instinct left in the wings, she could almost feel when she was flapping against the wind properly.

Heading back over to the balcony she prepared to fly down and get to the bottom of this. As she stood and stared at the ground below she had only one thing to say: "GERONIMO!"

Fluttershy hadn't drank much at the party last night and still had a fairly clear recollection of it. There had been rum cake and all sorts of mixed drinks. Twilight was turning 21 and Pinkie Pie insisted on making it a night the introverted little librarian would never forget. There would be drinks, partying, cake, and reckless abandon! Fluttershy smiled, recalling what a happy drunk Twilight was. All her cares melted away and she began to talk about all the wonderful little secrets Shining Armor and Celestia had confided in her. Luckily none of them involved a Pinkie promise, or Twilight would have probably woken up as a cupcake.

Fluttershy yawned and stretched out her legs. Her bed always seemed a little more comfortable on warm sunny days like this. She even had one of the cats decide to come lay on the bed next to her. Fluttershy rolled over and spoke to the cat using her special talent "Hey there, good morning!" Fluttershy opened her eyes just in time to see Opalescence hiss and jump off the bed upset.

That was strange, she didn't remember bringing her back to her home. She looked around and noticed she was in Rarity's room. It all made sense now, the cottage was so far away that Rarity must have let Fluttershy sleep at the boutique. She was such a generous friend, Fluttershy would have to do something extra kind to repay her. The mare got out of bed to go check on Rarity, who was probably in the guest room. After passing by the mirror she saw Rarity, and turned around "Good morning Rarity!" Fluttershy whispered.

Confused, Fluttershy looked around, she had seen Rarity in the mirror but she was no longer in the room. She walked back by the mirror and saw Rarity again.

"eep!" Fluttershy quietly shouted.

As she looked in the mirror it wasn't Fluttershy that looked back at her, it was Rarity. She remembered a few drunken spells last night, mostly parlor tricks and seeing who could levitate the most books while intoxicated. What ever happened she should hurry over to see Twilight and fix it. The first thing she wanted to do though, was try and levitate some of the brushes on Rarity's nightstand. She had always wondered what magic felt like.

Rarity had a horrible headache, a proper lady wouldn't have drank so much. A proper lady also wouldn't have had nearly as much fun at Twilight's birthday party. It isn't every day you get to throw a party for somepony turning 21, and it was tradition to get them as drunk as possible. It was a silly rite of passage, but Rarity was generous and agreed to partake of it with her best friends.

There was a loud thumping sound on wood that was aggravating her headache. "Come on wake up already! I want breakfast, and none of that salad stuff! COME ON!" the voice shouted.

"Ugh Sweetie Bell if you don't pipe down this instant I'll feed you a whole barrel of lettuce!" Rarity snapped at her.

The thumping stopped abruptly "Um... what? My name's Angel, are you feeling ok? I knew I should have gone with you to keep you from drinking too much." Angel sighed and grabbed a nearby glass of water he had prepared for just this occasion. He threw it on the sleeping pegasus eliciting a loud scream.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING! MY HAIR!" Rarity screamed. She opened up her eyes to find herself in Fluttershy's cottage with several confused animals now watching her.

"My, I've never heard you scream so loud Fluttershy. I bet Rainbow Dash would love it if you could cheer like that for her next time she is doing stunts!" Angel had seen many different sides of Fluttershy: Doormat, bully, babysitter of the god of chaos. To him this was just another day in the freaky world that was Fluttershy.

Rarity just sat there in stunned silence as several animals chattered to each other, she then interrupted them "Why are you all talking? Why can I understand you?" Rarity watched as every eye in the room locked onto her gaze.

"Angel I don't think that's Fluttershy" a beaver stated. "Quick grab the changeling!" a sparrow squeaked. "Go for the throat!" a mouse yelled as he lept into her hair. "Sweep the legs!" a platypus shouted.

"AAAAHHH!!!" Rarity flapped her wings hard, throwing every animal back with the covers. She found herself gripping a wooden beam near the ceiling, and upon taking a look around at the disaster below noticed long flowing pink hair. She followed it up to the yellow wings, and pink butterfly cutie mark. "I'm.... Fluttershy?"

"So, if your not Fluttershy what are you? Are you one of those aliens that Lyra always talks about? She says they are constantly possessing ponies and parading around town, pretending to be one of us..." Angel scratched his head trying to remember what those pesky aliens were called.

"No, I'm Rarity! I was at the party and-- TWILIGHT!!!" Rarity let go of the beam and fell back onto the bed, bouncing up and landing on the ground with a look of sheer determination and fury. Only her and Twilight could use magic, and she wouldn't dare let somepony else parade around in her body. No, this had to be Twilight's doing. It was either a prank or another one of her miscast spells. With all the alcohol she had pumped into that poor unicorn last night she believed it was the latter.

"Hop on Angel, we have a unicorn to find!" Rarity felt the bunny dig his paws into her mane, and she took off running down the stairs.

The sparrow looked over to the beaver "Hey, looks like we got free reign in the kitchen today! Mind using those paws to get us all some food?"

Rainbow Dash lay in bed having a dream about being captain of the Wonderbolts. She always had her best dreams when sleeping in, the sun never bothered her. The one thing that did bother her though was when she got into drinking contests with Applejack. Rainbow always knew when she had a drinking contest because she never loses. Never. That also meant that on many a morning, Dash had woken up with a hangover that hit her like 2 tons of bricks. As long as she never lost to AJ, the hangover was worth it.

Today was different though, either there had been no drinking contest (Ha! Unlikely) Or Dash had lost the contest. She barely felt hungover at all, and she didn't have a horrible taste in her mouth. In fact, she could taste some vanilla frosting, and not the cheap stuff. No this was the nice creamy frosting, she licked her teeth to savor the flavor and got a few sprinkles as a reward. As far as waking up hungover goes, this was awesome! She could even feel a surge of energy as she opened her groggy eyes and stretched.

Best hangover ever!

Dash rolled out of bed smiling and looked around at the orange walls. She must have crashed at somepony else's house since Dash never drank and flew. Looking around she knew there was only 1 pony she could have slept over with: Pinkie Pie. There were fresh cupcakes on the night stand, and a green little toothless alligator. Dash smiled and the alligator smiled back.

All she needed to do now was her morning warm-up stretches and she could hover downstairs and find Pinkie Pie. One does not simply walk downstairs when your as awesome as me! Rainbow smirked as she thought. She tried to stretch out her wings and separate her feathers, but nothing happened. Her wings probably just fell asleep since she wasn't used to sleeping on earth pony beds.

Rainbow walked over to the mirror to see if her numb wings were moving at all. When she looked in the mirror her jaw fell down and she mumbled "Pinkie?" The pink party pony stood and stared into that mirror for what felt like hours. She had been around Ponyville enough to know that sometimes "Pinkie would be Pinkie" and there was no explaining it. This was a whole new level of Pinkie. This wasn't Pinkie sense; this was Pinkie magic!

Rainbow felt her tail start to twitch, and a second later Gummy landed on her mane and latched on. "Not now squirt" Rainbow muttered and try to shake him off. The doppelganger in front of her mirrored her perfectly. "I'm Pinkie Pie! MY WINGS!!!"

Rainbow panicked and hopped around the room madly, she had to get out of here! She had to get to her cloud house and get her wings back! Without thinking she had bucked the window open and jumped onto the roof. The breeze felt great in her mane as she stretched her wings.... that's right I don't have wings.

Rainbow bounced back inside only to have the door fly open as Mr. Cake barged in. "Pinkamena Diane Pie! What did we tell you about making this kind of racket when the babies are sleeping! You woke the whole house up!" Rainbow had never seen Mr. Cake angry. He always seemed so nice, especially to Pinkie. Rainbow looked back at the shattered window, the mirror that she had knocked over, and the cupcake smudged footprints in the freshly destroyed room. Oh, that's why he is mad

Rainbow could feel her mane and tail fall flat against her body, losing all their curl in one instant. "I'm sorry Mr. Cake, but there's been some horrible mistake, I'm Rainbow Dash!" Rainbow was on the verge of tears and wasn't quite sure why. She felt like a balloon that had deflated and landed behind a couch where nopony would get to see her anymore.

"No more games Pinkie--Please just clean up the room. You can make this up to us by foalsitting Pound and Pumpkin while we go grocery shopping." Mr Cake turned and walked downstairs.

Rainbow Dash stood up and felt her hair curling back up. If anypony could fix this it'd be Twilight Sparkle, or the Princess! If she got to the library quickly she could get everything back to normal.

Pinkie Pie rose bright and early, and reached for her emergency morning cupcakes. There was no easy way to get out of bed in the morning, except for cupcakes!

Pinkie's vision was blurry but clearing rapidly as she swiped her hooves around looking for the cupcakes. They were nowhere to be found, so she reached for the emergency morning cupcake backup stash behind her pillow. It wasn't there either, and Pinkie began to panic. She always had cupcakes nearby for everypony, and now they were all gone! She must have gotten the munchies and eaten them all at night.

Pinkie was very sad and wished she had a triple chocolate cupcake with sprinkles. She felt a strange tingling and a cupcake materialized in thin air. "WHOOPEEE!!!!!" Pinkie shouted and bounced on the bed, greedily eating the hovering cupcake. "Let's try that again!"

Spike was grilling some eggs and extra greasy hay fries. Twilight would be up soon, and if there was one thing Spike had learned from being around the ponies it was that wild parties led to wild hangovers. Spike was always the friendly sober dragon at the party, and for each time he had gotten to walk Rarity back to her boutique it was worth it. This had been the first party where Twilight was old enough to drink, and Applejack had given Spike some home remedies for a hangover. Apparently all you needed was lots of greasy food, a few glasses of water, and some "hair of the dog." Spike didn't have a dog so he had used a couple of Owlowicious' feathers instead.

Spike was setting everything onto plates for Twilight when he heard an awful racket upstairs. It sounded like something had fallen off the bed and started bouncing off the walls. He could hear the distinct popping of magic, and got concerned. He stepped out into the hallway and dropped the plate of hayfries and eggs to the ground.

Up on the 2nd floor of the library were hundreds of cupcakes, and in the middle of them Twilight was eating a giant pink cupcake like a starving timberwolf. Spike had seen it all now, but it didn't prepare him for what came next...

"Spike! I'm so glad you're up! I wished for a cupcake and I got one, so I wished for more and more and more! And then I wished they were even yummier! And bigger! And with more Sugar! Come try them Spike!" Pinkie wished that spike was up stairs with them, and this time had to concentrate hard and close her eyes. Spike materialized over the big cupcake and landed with a plop.

"Twilight what's gotten into you? Your acting like Pinkie Pie!" Spike looked at her in horror as she hugged him and shouted "I AM PINKIE PIE!"

"Oh I know your sad because these are all cupcakes and cupcakes don't have gems, except the one time we made you a sapphire cupcake, and your a dragon so you would rather have gemcakes! haha get it, gemcakes! Here you go!" Pinkie Pie wished for a 4 foot tall ruby, emerald, sapphire, turqoise, topaz, and diamond cupcake and it materialized in the middle of the library.

Spike's eyes went wide and a tear rolled down his cheek. "For me?" Spike glanced back to Twilight, barely holding back the manly tears. Twilight would never let him eat so much junk food in the morning. Maybe she was telling the truth, and if this was Pinkie Pie then that meant the real Twilight could be back any second. Without a second thought he dove down into the cupcake and ate as fast as he could.

Twilight was finally approaching the library and was very glad she had brought the stetson. It was very bright outside and it offered her shelter from the bright harsh world. She rounded the corner to the library and froze in absolute terror.

Pouring out of the upstairs balcony were cupcakes of every kind and size imaginable. Blaring over a stereo she didn't know she had was Pinkie's Favorite Jam. On the ground floor were more balloons then she had ever seen in her life, threatening to burst out of the windows at any moment.

Before she knew what was happening she was running full speed towards the library door, Pinkie had destroyed her library! She spun around on her forehooves, bringing up her back legs and bucking the door. With a resounding crash, the door splintered and flew across the library in pieces.

In the center of the library was a fat and happy purple dragon surrounded by crumbs and gems, groaning at what must be the mother of all stomach aches. Floating in the air was the party pony herself, slinging confetti in every direction.

"PINKIE!!!" Twilight shouted at her "STOP ABUSING MY MAGIC AT ONCE!!!.

Pinkie dropped to the ground "Oh hi Applejack! I was just having some cupcakes and thinking how awesome it is to be Twilight! Are you here because you're worried about Twilight? She's probably still at Sugar Cube Corner sleeping in."

Twilight advanced at her and took off the stetson "Pinkie, I AM TWILIGHT. I woke up in Applejack's body this morning and I demand to know what is going on!" If you could kill somepony with a stare, Pinkie would have fallen over dead right there.

Pinkie frowned in the lavender mare's body, her hair seeming to become even flatter and straighter. "Oh I'm sorry Twilight, I was having so much fun after Rainbow Dash dared you to teleport us all home drunk last night. Spike said it was a bad idea but you said it would be ok. I thought you wanted us to trade bodies for some fun." Pinkie was poking her hoof in the ground and looked deep in thought.

"It's ok Pinkie, I shouldn't have drank so much... I shouldn't have tried magic. Now we just need to think of a way--" Twilight was interrupted as a pink bolt flew past her.

Rainbow Dash had to admit that Pinkie was fast, she could see now why it was so hard to outrun her. As Dash ran in the pink mare's body time almost seemed to slow down. She darted and weaved through empty vendor stalls, leapt over and ducked under obstacles. Dash couldn't stand the thought of not having wings, but with the natural speed and intuition of Pinkie Pie she might be able to break the sound barrier without wings.

Dash saw the target ahead: A large hollow tree with cupcakes, balloons, and blaring party music. She didn't even slow down as her stomach rumbled and demanded sugar. She flew through the open door and dove into the cupcakes, her mouth opening to comically large proportions as it greedily inhaled all the cupcakes.

From behind Dash heard the familiar voice of Twilight Sparkle "Hey those are my cupcakes!"

Dash turned around locking eyes with his prankster. "YOU! Twilight how could you switch me and Pinkie's bodies, I demand you switch us back at once! She probably fell out of my cloud house or something horrible and do you have any idea what it's like to not have wings!"

Applejack was the one to answer "Rainbow Dash I would if I could, but somehow Pinkie is me and I'm Applejack."

Rainbow Dash looked confused beyond measure, and then just face hoofed. "Ugh Twilight, I'm just going to eat some more cupcakes while you figure out all the egghead stuff." Rainbow turned around and had to admit, now that she was in Pinkie's body the cupcakes tasted at least 20% better.

Rarity had finally reached the library. She had started galloping, and soon began beating her wings in rhythm with the hooves. The next thing she knew she was flying low and fast, which was nice since Fluttershy didn't seem to exercise much and her legs were sore.

Rarity hovered around to the entrance of the house and landed at the front door. She looked inside to see Spike passed out in a pile of crumbs, Pinkie gorging herself on cupcakes, and Twilight and Applejack feeling each other's face with their hooves.

Rarity nearly rolled over on Angel as she hit the ground in a fit of laughter that not even Rainbow Dash could match. For a minute, she forgot all about their predicament.

Fluttershy continued to gallop towards the library. After she had tried to play with her unicorn powers in Rarity's shop things had gotten.... interesting.

At first, she couldn't seem to "feel" the hairbrush with her powers. She concentrated as hard as she could, and suddenly the brush flew across the room shattering the mirror. With an "eep!" Startled, Fluttershy leapt back into the wall causing another bolt of magic to fly out. It hit Rarity's wardrobe scattering clothes everywhere, and things only went downhill from there...

Fluttershy was mortified and couldn't imagine how she could be kind enough to repay Rarity for her boutique. By the time she had made it to the front door, hurricane Fluttershy had torn the boutique to shreds. Maybe if she got Twilight to give her body back, she could move in with Rainbow Dash until Rarity calmed down.

Finally in range of the library, Fluttershy could see Rarity in her body in a fit of severe laughter. She got to the door and cried out "Oh Angel, I'm so glad to see you!" Angel just gave her a confused look until it clicked with him. This mare he couldn't understand must be the real Fluttershy. Angel leapt onto Fluttershy's foreleg and hugged her leg as hard as he could.

"Oh thank Celestia it's the real Fluttershy!" Angel wept into her fur. "I'll never play another mean prank on her as long as I live Celestia, just get that lunatic Rarity out of her body!"

What had seemed like a good idea to Applejack at the time had quickly gone sideways. Confident in her ability to control Rainbow Dash's body, Applejack decided to fly to the library. After about 5 seconds she was falling with style, after 10 seconds she was in full on panic mode.

Each time she felt she wasn't beating her wings hard enough, she'd give them a down stroke with all her might. This would shoot her up 50 feet in the air, the end result was gaining altitude instead of losing it as she intended. Applejack had to hand it to her, Dash's body was athletic and powerful. After she had gained some more altitude she spotted the library, a faint colorful dot on the west side of Ponyville.

Deciding that gliding would go over a whole lot better then flapping, Applejack angled towards the library and started to glide. It was quite peaceful at first, the wind in her hair, the adrenaline, and the speed. Applejack was in heaven, until she realized just how fast she was going. The wind was tugging at her lips and eyelids, and she realized that she had never considered how to slow down.

The ground was coming up faster and faster and Applejack did the first thing she could think of, she started flapping and trying to gain altitude. She was going too fast though, and the air felt differently. She could feel a cone of air compressed around her as she neared the library, and she stretched her hooves as far in front of her as she could to break the fall. Celestia have mercy on me...

"Ok, so we have Twinkie, Dashiepie, Flutterarity, Raritshy, and me Twilijack... that just leaves Appledash unaccounted for..." Twilight looked around at everypony.

"Um... Twilight your just confusing us more, I think you made half those up anyway.... um I mean, if it's ok could you just call us by our real names?" Fluttershy-in-Rarity's body asked.

"UGH! Cesltia's sparkly mane this is giving me such a headache!" Twilight stomped a hoof on the ground, putting a large dent in it thanks to Applejack's strength.

Twilight was trying to think of a plan when she suddenly heard a loud boom incredibly close to the house. Not half a second latter, a rainbow blur flew threw a window and landed in the sea of balloon animals Pinkie had made using Twilight's body.

Despite Applejack crashing in her body, Rainbow Dash burst out in laughter. She couldn't help but glance over at the 4th wall of the library and say "Can you guys believe that! I bet the poor author doesn't even know who anypony is anymore!" And resumed her hysterical laughing.

Twilight spoke up to everypony "Can I have everypony's attention please?" All the ponies looked over at her, some dazed, some hungover, and others just laughing at the madness.

"Ok, Pinkie Pie you seem to have a good grasp of my magic considering you've had exactly 4 hours in my body. What I want you to do, is use what ever bit of 'Pinkie' is still in you to use my magic and fix all this. Wish us to normal, tap your hooves together 3 times... just what ever! I'm counting on you to fix this!

Spike still lay passed out in his gem laden cupcake, but the other ponies gathered around Pinkie Pie as she lit up Twilight's horn.

"Ok everypony" Pinkie whispered as the magic radiated out from her horn. I wish everything was back to normal, and that the cupcakes get to stay. I wish everything was back...

Pinkie continued her chant as everypony looked at her, eyes large and full of hope. This had to work, and once it did nopony would let Twilight near alcohol again.

Lyra woke up and yawned. She hadn't remembered taking a nap, nor visiting the library. She sat up and saw the elements of harmony happily chatting with each other.

"Oh thank you Twilight!" Rainbow Dash said. "You don't know how happy I am to have my wings back!"

"Ah reckon' ah owe you thanks, but next time ya'll are drinking that much ain't nopony gonna get near ya Sugarcube." Applejack crossed the room and got her stetson.

Lyra wasn't sure what was going on, everypony seemed to be normal but they were talking like they all just had out of body experiences. She looked down to see why her stomach ached so badly. She saw green scales on her underbelly and purple flanks. With a panic she brought her hands up to examine them. "I HAVE OPPOSABLE THUMBS!" Lyra gleefully shouted; She had always wanted hands.

"Uh... Spike are you feeling ok? You've always had thumbs. Why don't you clean up this mess while I think up a punishment for gorging on so much dessert" Twilight ordered.

Lyra looked confused before remembering she was in Spike's body. She was so excited to have hands she decided to play it cool. The longer it took Twilight to figure out she was Lyra, the longer she would have to experiment with her new appendages.

"Sorry Twilight, I'll clean up right away." Lyra walked away with a large goofy grin on her face.

"At least this day can't get any worse" Twilight said to the others with a smile.

Celestia woke up after an exhausting night to find a letter from her prized pupil on her nightstand.

Dear Princess Celestia,

Tonight I learned all about alcohol and friendship and that when you put Rainbow Dash's hoof in warm water she pees all over the floor. I also learned that when Pinkie laughs that hard she throws up, and it tastes like cupcakes. Yeah, she vomited all over me but it was so awesome!

I also learned that Rarity always carries "emergency makeup". We drew some uh... 'colt parts' on her face and when she woke up it was a riot. We also got Fluttershy drunk and kept yelling "BOO!" at her and each time it was even funnier. Then we got Applejack and Rainbow Dash into a drinking contest, but we switched all of AJ's out with water! Pretty soon Dash was passed out cold on the floor and we took pictures of her all trussed up like a rodeo pig!

I think I threw up 3... how many times Spike? 5? WOW haha. But each time I throw up I can drink more alcohol so it's all good! We played spin the bottle, dress up, 21 gun salute, beer pong, and now we're going to play truth or dare. By the way did I ever tell you I love you? Like I just wish... we could be more then friends you know? Like me and Luna. Did I ever tell you I think Luna is prettier then you? Yes Spike, keep writing!

'Cuz Luna's mane sparkles and has stars and stuff, and your just all boring and white. And Dash says you must dye your mane 'cuz she is best pony. LOL. Maybe if you were on the moon for a thousand years you'd learn to groom yourself better :-)

No Spike, send it! SPIKE! I SAID SENT IT!

Your drunkest student, Twilight Sparkle

P.S. I am so very sorry Princess Celestia, have mercy on me. -Spike

Author's Notes:

Thanks for checking out my One-Shot collection. Please note some of these stories, like this one, were written in my first month on the site. Others were written nine months later. Please browse through, as if there is one you don't like I guarantee there will be another one in here you do. Also, the grammar isn't horrible in the newer ones.

Proof-Reading by Swick @ MLPForums, thank you.
Got a suggestion for a story then just ask below!

2. Rainbow Dash Tries Science :: E/Co

Perched upon a cumulus cloud, Dash waited patiently. Down below, her quarry was just finishing up her preparations. Soon, the mare and her assistant, would be headed to Canterlot to meet with Celestia. Once she left, Dash would make her move. Struggling to stay awake, Dash finally saw the last checklist get put away in her saddlebags. She set off towards Canterlot, and Dash had the whole laboratory underneath the library to herself.

Descending from the cloud slowly, Dash made her way to the window she had unlocked yesterday. She was about to fly through when she heard a familiar voice.

"Dash! Hey wanna see my new trick?" Scootaloo was buzzing her wings on a scooter down below.

Dash didn't want to be bothered, but she couldn't just turn away the filly. "Hey squirt, I've got something 20% cooler than some scooter tricks, come on!" Dash quickly scooped the filly up and flew through the window, closing it behind her.

"Uh Dash, why are we breaking into the library? The front door was unlocked." Dash sped down to the front door and locked the deadbolt, then turned a sign around to read "Closed" in the window.

"I'm going to borrow Twilight's lab and make some spectra fireworks, it'll be like a sonic rainboom but cooler!"

"Wow that's so awesome, can I help? Can I?" Scootaloo was hopping around like a rabbit with hummingbird wings.

"Yeah you can be my. . ." Dash grinned mischievously. "Number one assistant."

The duo went downstairs and turned on the lights. There was a massive laboratory under the library that Dash had found out about from Pinkie. When Pinkie Pie told Dash about the "pinkie sense" machine and the underground lair, Dash thought it was another practical joke. Now, armed with a saddle bag full of spectra, Dash was going to make some fireworks for the coronation.

Heading down the hallway they found the room with all the complicated computers and wires. A little further down was a room filled with meticulously labeled bottles and beakers.

"Here we are squirt: One firework factory." Dash held the door open as they walked inside. "Here I think we're supposed to wear these." Dash put on some goggles and handed Scootaloo a pair. They were comically oversized on her, resting on her muzzle and reaching up to her ears.

"Wow, can I start playing with this stuff now?" Scootaloo picked up a beaker with 500ml of a clear fluid.

"Hey put that down! We don't know what they are yet." Dash examined the label on the beaker. "Dye--hydra--gen--man--ox--ide?"

"Cool! What's dihydrogen monoxide? Can I mix it with this purple stuff?"

"No Scootaloo, that stuff sounds deadly. Let's stick to my plan. I got a book from the prank shop on homemade fireworks for dummies, a book that tells me what all the sciency-stuff means, and a few jars of spectra. Now, stand back. I’m going to try science.”

Dash laid everything out on the table in the middle of the room and began reading. The first ingredient called for was charcoal. "Heh, that's an easy one. Charcoal is just some burnt up stuff from a barbeque." Dash walked along the shelves until she reached C. "Hmm, cadmium telluride, calcium carbonate, crocoite, and charcoal! Here, take this squirt. Squirt?"

Dash turned around to see Scootaloo playing with a metal cylinder that was sitting upright on the table. A rubber tube ran from the base of the cylinder to the underside of the table. Scootaloo had something in her hooves that resembled half a coat hanger, with a bell on the end. She was squeezing it together to see what it did. "Hey Dash I found this sparky thingy and some tube that smells like rotten eggs!"

"Maybe you shou--" Dash was interrupted by a massive fireball that startled Scootaloo, causing her to fall off the table.

"WOW! Let's do it again! Did you see that? It was all hissing and then sparking and BOOM!"

Dash was at her side in an instant. She appeared undamaged, though most of the orange peach fuzz covering her face was gone. "Careful squirt, Twilight always gets in trouble with this sciency stuff. Let's only touch the stuff I tell you too, or you have to leave."

"Awwww, alright Dash." Scootaloo pointed at the one foot flaming cylinder. "But how do we turn that off?"

Dash followed the rubber tube from the cylinder to the underside of the table and saw a lever. Pushing it to the left, the flame died out. "There, now as I was saying we got the Charcoal. Next we need... Pot--assium Night--rate. Potassium Nitrate! You got that squirt?"

"I'm on it Dash!" Scootaloo rushed over to the shelves labeled P. "Phos--pour--us, Pot--assium." Scootaloo glanced at Dash who was busy reading, and set that one aside. Looking to the next container she found what she was looking for. " Potassium nitrate! Got it!" Scootaloo carried the container over to Dash, who set it on the table.

"Alright, now I just need some sulfur." Dash walked over to a shelf, and found sulfur easily. Meanwhile, Scootaloo grabbed the dihydrogen monoxide and the potassium from earlier and went to a small table in the corner.

"Just sit tight, squirt, while the book tells me how to mix them. Then I just take a tube, add wings, and instant firework!" Dash began mixing the ingredients together by eye, and ended up with half a dozen mixtures. Some of the ingredients were in larger chunks. The book said a mortar and pestle might be needed to grind up the mixture to a fine powder. Dash found one using the handy illustrations in the book.

Just then Dash heard something explode behind her. Turning to look at Scootaloo, she was hit by a wall of vapor. "Scootaloo!"

"Awww, but you wouldn't let me help with the powder."

"It's 'gunpowder', and what was that?"

"Oh, I mixed the potassium and dihydrogen monoxide and it exploded the stuff everywhere! It's kinda burny though."

Sure enough, Dash could feel bits of something burning her skin, and tried to wipe them off. Luckily, neither of them was covered in too much of the stuff. "Careful! That dihydrogen monoxide could have killed us. Ok, come up here and you can help me grind this stuff up with the mortar and the pestle thingy."

Scootaloo hopped up to the table with a quick fluttering of her wings. "I'm on it!" Scootaloo took the mortar full of gunpowder, and took the pestle up in her hooves. Dash went back to reading, and then realized she had just put a member of the Cutie Mark Crusaders in charge of mixing gunpowder. "WAIT!--"

Scootaloo swung the pestle down like a hammer on the powder. There was a loud flash and a lot of smoke. The next thing Scootaloo knew she was on the floor across the room, with a wicked headache, and a shocked grin on her face. The room had been drained of color, and Dash was standing over her in slow motion. Dash was speaking, but Scootaloo couldn't hear her over the ringing in her ears. Scootaloo stood up in slow motion, and looked to her flank for a cutie mark in being "awesome." The world began to come back into focus, color and sounds were returning to her. Sadly, there was no cutie mark on her flank.

"YOU COULD HAVE BEEN KILLED! You even burned off half your mane! Go upstairs and wash up, you're done here squirt."

"Aww Dash, but I'm fine and that was so awesome!" Scootaloo smiled, her teeth seeming pearly white compared to the black scorch marks surrounding her goggles.

"Look, I'll let you fire off one of the fireworks, you just need to leave the lab, ok?"

"Alright." Scootaloo walked out of the lab, putting on a show of looking dejected. Dash didn't fall for her act, and closed the door behind her. Slowly navigating the labyrinth that Twilight calls a lab, Scootaloo made it to the library bathroom. Looking in the mirror she saw what had made Dash so worried. Scootaloo removed her goggles. Everywhere, except around her eyes, black soot covered her skin. Her mane from forehead to behind the ears was gone, and the rest had singed ends. She could still hear some ringing in her ears, but decided it was worth it. If a little gunpowder was that amazing, then the fireworks would be radical.

After cleaning off her face she heard knocking at the door. Scootaloo went over and answered it, to see Sweetie Belle and Applebloom.

"Hey Scoots, we saw your scooter out--" Applebloom glanced at Scootaloo, glanced away, and immediately glanced back, locking onto her bald head. "Scootaloo! What happened!"

"Hey gals, well Dash was letting me help her make fireworks, but she was being kinda boring. So then I got her to let me mix the gunpowder!"

"YOU WERE MIXING GUNPOWDER!" Sweetie Belle's eyes flew wide open and her mouth hung agape. "Don't you know how dangerous that stuff is? The slightest spark or a hard impact could blow up half the laboratory!"

"I know, it was totally awesome! And then there was this pottyassium and diehydrigin manoxide that exploded, and this metal tube that shot fire out everywhere!"

"WHAT! Who on Equestria would let you and Dash into a chemistry lab unsupervised?" Sweetie Bell slapped a hoof to her forehead. "Ugh, doesn't anypony pay attention when Cheerilee teaches about chemistry?"

"Is that the boring stuff 'bout all the chemicals and symbols and stuff?" Applebloom and Scootaloo looked to Sweetie for an answer.

"YES! Ugh, if you want to get a cutie mark for chemistry you two are going to have to do exactly as I say. Now, let's go down to this 'lab' and I'll show you girls how it's done."

CUTIE MARK CRUSADER CHEMISTS. YAY!

The three fillies bumped hooves, and headed downstairs.

Dash wiped the sweat off her brow, and tried to steady her hands. She poured the last of the gunpowder into the crudely fashioned firework. She had been able to use some duck tape and plywood to form the wings on the sides of the metal cylinder. Then she had punched a hole through the bottom for a fuse. She poured the spectra in, and it began to bubble and seep into the gunpowder. Placing a funnel on top to act as a nose cone, she taped it in place. Then she headed upstairs to make good on her promise to let Scootaloo fire the first rocket. The long fuse would give Dash plenty of time to fly Scootaloo to a safe distance for the test launch.

"Scootaloo? Where are you?" Dash had arrived upstairs but couldn't find Scootaloo anywhere. Near the door was a pair of saddlebags. One of them looked like a fancy bag stitched by Rarity, the other had a single red apple on the clasp.

"Wait--Scootaloo--and those look like--" Rainbow Dash gulped. "Sweetie Belle and Applebloom's saddlebags!"

Dash's pupils dilated so wide her magenta irises nearly vanished completely. Dropping the rocket, she took to the air and flew back to the lab. She could feel her heart rate speed up, her lungs pulling in air faster and faster. "omigosh omigosh omigosh omigosh, they're in the lab!" The sound of her wings was drowned out, and she began to get tunnel vision.

Bursting through the door of the lab, she found it was empty. Breathing a sigh of relief, she felt her body relaxing back to normal. "Heh, those fillies nearly scared me half to death. Imagine the 3 of them loose in Twilight's lab."

Dash heard some laughing that she had missed in her panic to get to the lab. Three fillies were laughing, and their echoes carried down the hallways. Following the sound of the laughter, Dash returned to the room with all the computers and wires. The three fillies were standing in front of a glowing cylinder that was whirring softly.

"Girls, what's going on?" Dash flew over to their side.

"Sweetie here was trying to tell us what this is, it's some sort of power gene-- hmm." Scootaloo put a hoof to her chin.

"It's a fusion power generator, and it's what is powering the whole lab. I never thought I'd see something this sophisticated in Ponyville. In fact, the generator in Manehatten is only 2 years old. I wonder if Twilight built this herself."

"Yeah Dash, and look at all the buttons and levers!" Scootaloo pointed over to the console attached to the device, bumping a lever up.

"Careful Scootaloo!" Sweetie rushed over and put the lever back down. A red light began to flash, and a warning beep sounded. Sweetie, for all her book smarts, only knew what half the levers meant. Each time she would get one red light to vanish, another would appear. Each lever, and every button push, added to the growing cacophony of beeping.

"And that, Twilight, is what will happen after the Princess coronation." Celestia and Twilight stood on the balcony of the sun tower, looking out over the peaceful valley that contained Ponyville.

"Look, Twilight." Celestia waved a hoof over the valley. "Everything the light touches will be your kingdom."

"What about that shadowy place?"

Celestia opened her mouth to respond, when a bright flash blinded both mares. Shielding their eyes too late, they were dazed as something brighter than Celestia's sun began to fade. The mares felt the entire tower rumbling. Rubbing their eyes, they were then hit by a wave of air and knocked off their hooves. A deafening noise arrived with the wall of air, and the air warmed slightly.

Standing back up, a weaker wave of air began to rush in the opposite direction. Twilight and Celestia stared in utter disbelief. Down in the valley there was an enormous cloud shaped like a mushroom. The smoky cloud billowed up through the air, and the entire valley was lost in the dust storm kicked up. Everything that had once been the valley, from the rivers and trees, to the rolling hills and farmland, was gone. The Everfree forest was gone. All that used to make the valley beautiful, was flattened and turned to glass.

Celestia facehoofed. "Damn it Twilight! I told you to lock your lab before you left."

[img] http://www.atomicarchive.com/Effects/Images/WE12.jpg[/img]

Author's Notes:

I got the idea from the photo of Dash trying science.

I also thought it'd be funny to poke at the bronies (yes you) who think Twilicorn will bring about the apocolypse.

It always has been, and always will be, the Cutie Mark Crusaders who bring about the apocolypse.

*squee* :D

3. Fluttershy Answers The Door :: E/Sl

Knock Knock Knock

I looked up from the table, wondering who might be at the door. Angel sat next to me, eating the salad I had just prepared. The immediate wave of familiar emotions hit me as I pondered the meaning of the unexpected visitor.

Slowly I approached the door, eying it suspiciously. The round golden knob sat perfectly still. I had cleaned it recently to keep the taste of brass to a minimum when I would use my mouth to open it. Above it sat the two deadbolts I used to ensure I was safe at night. There were all manner of scary creatures that came out at night to feed.

Knock Knock Knock

I jumped back and let out a soft squeak, hoping I hadn’t revealed myself to the guest. Beyond the two inches of oak door stood something unknown, and my time in the Everfree had taught me to fear the unknown.

There could be a manticore knocking on my door. It was their mating season and they had to eat as much as possible before hibernating. It had likely eaten all my critters from outside and wanted to come in for dessert. It would stab me with its barbed stinger, paralyzing me. I would cry and whimper for help as I had to watch it eat Angel. . .

Knock Knock Knock

Or it could be changelings. They could have come since I’m the weakest of the elements. I’ll open the door to find Twilight there, only it isn’t Twilight. It’ll be queen Chrysalis herself, and she’ll drain me of all my love and kindness, leaving a shallow husk.

Everypony will grow up telling their kids stories of how Fluttershy the coward let the changelings take over Equestria.

Knock Knock Knock

I slowly approached the door and put my ear to it. I couldn’t hear any chittering or buzzing outside. There was no foul stench to the air, so that only left. . . dragons.

There was a dragon outside my door! It was the only other explanation. I slowly backed away, careful not to make a sound. When the dragons had migrated, they must have picked up my scent and smelled my fear. I bathed in skunk-oil to prevent such a thing from happening, and it took nearly a month and three new sets of tail extensions to get rid of the smell.

It was all for naught. Right now it was circling the cottage in its wings, preparing to burn it down and turn me into a tasty pony fricassee. It would gobble me up and pick its teeth clean with my bones. It’d use my feathers as fresh quills to tell all the other dragons how tasty ponies were, and they would come eat all my friends.

Knock Knock Knock

No. Nopony eats my friends. I looked deep inside to find my courage. It was there, beneath the kindness and compassion. It hadn’t failed me before when I really needed it. When I stood up to Nightmare Moon, when I had to joust with Rainbow Dash, or when they dragged me on top of a mountain to stare down a dragon.

That’s it, I’ll give it the stare. I’ll look deep into its eyes before it can eat me, exert my dominance for long enough to make him leave, and then I can go hide under my bed and read a romance novel until I stop shaking. It’s a foolproof plan.

Knock Knock Knock

Except it isn’t foolproof. First I have to open the door and let the dragon know I’m home. I found my belly grazing the floor, my ears flattened against my head. Slowly inching towards the door, I tried to peer under the narrow crack to see the feet of the scaly reptile.

Something landed on my back and began thumping it. I screamed in pure terror, the dragon had sent it’s parasprites in to eat my legs! Oh this is awful. I scrambled under the sofa, knocking it over. I continued to burrow my way under it until I was hidden in the mattresses.

A loud popping sound echoed through the room, dulled by the fabric and my frenzied breathing. If I stayed perfectly still, if I held my breath, it would think I had run away.

Angel! Oh no, I need to go back to save him. I began to crawl towards the end of the sofa to save my Angel bunny. My tail got caught on something, stopping me.

“Fluttershy?” a voice called out. With a soft snap, the sofa was turned into thousands of butterflies.

I slowly uncovered my eyes and pushed my mane out of the way. I breathed a huge sigh of relief, sending up a lair of dust from the floor.

“Discord! I’m so glad you could make it for tea. For a moment there, I thought there was a monster at my door.”

Author's Notes:

Inspired by my friends character study on Rainbow Dash.

4. WarPony 40k :: T/Ad/Gore

The Space Pony drop ship would be landing at the extraction site in 15 minutes. Twilight Sparkles had just received word that the God Empress Celestia would be arriving soon to carry out the exterminatus. She activated her comm and spoke to her squadron "Fall back to LZ Charlie; we're lifting off in 15!" Twilight stood up to her full height as her horn began to glow. The cultists of Luna, chaos god of passion, lust, and pride, had corrupted this planet. It was up to her now to regroup her squad and get the hell off this rock.

"Roger Sparkles" Rarity replied over the comm unit. She sighed at the thought of hoofing it down 40 flights of stairs to ground level and getting to the LZ in 15 minutes. Having never been one to get her hooves dirty she preferred a sniper rifle and light armor. Light was a relative term, when you’re a 12 foot tall genetically engineered pony breed for war by the geneseed of the God Empress. Rarity took one last look down her scope to make sure Applejack's position hadn't been overrun.

Applejack was in the midst of several sarosian cultists. Vile bat-winged ponies who served the chaos god Luna, sarosians had limbs, eyes, and other taints of chaos festering over their leathery skin. One of them was sneaking up behind Applejack, baring fangs from his 2 heads and preparing to strike from behind. With a thought, Rarity was able to still her beating hearts and focus on making the shot count.

"Roger sugarcube, headin' back now" Applejack replied as her chainsword sliced up into the soft abdomen of the nearest sarosian. The foul creature bled acid as it died, splashing harmlessly off her thick armor. As the blade pulled free trailing flesh, she swung the bolter attached to her right forehoof around and fired 2 rounds into a nearby 8 legged cultist. She could suddenly sense something was wrong moments before the claws of a foul creature behind her hit her head, followed by a loud bang.

Turning around she sighed "Thanks Rarity but I reckon' that kill should still count as mine on account o' the exoskeleton." Applejack knew her genetic enhancements would protect her from teeth and claws.

"Well if you WANT to take chances like that you won't last much longer down there. The God Empress' gift doesn't make you immortal" Rarity replied.

"I reckon' your right, have you heard from Fluttershy?" Applejack inquired. "No I haven’t. Her last known location was 2 clicks south of me, I'll meet you there” Rarity stated.

"LZ in 15 over... Oh dear, this isn't good at all..." Fluttershy said. Before her stood a Draconequus, one of the daemons serving Discord, chaos god of change. The foul beast was 22 feet tall and had a lion's head, razor sharp antlers, and 2 red slits for eyes. Flames wept from its eyes and rained onto the ground below. His left arm was leathery with 6 sharp claws on the end, his right arm a serpent fit to crush even the largest space pony.

Fluttershy knew there was only one thing to do "PURGE THE UNCLEAN!" she screamed with a glint in her eye, before leaping out of the way of the serpent arm. She hoisted the prometheum flamer up towards the daemon and pulled the trigger. There was a hiss and a spark before a jet of consecrated prometheum leapt out of the dual barrels towards the lesser daemon.

The daemon wrapped its wings forward as it was consumed in the inferno, shielding its body with a dragon and eagle's wings. The eagle wing burnt to a crisp but the dragon wing held fast, and the daemon responded by swiping down its clawed talon with all his might. Fluttershy was barely able to block with her weapon before being crushed. She heard something snap and knew it was a fuel line on the flamethrower. She threw it down and charged the daemon with nothing left but her bolter and knife.

"Ha! I could be there in 3!" Dash replied to Sparkles. With a maniacal grin on her face she ignited her jump jets and pounced on the nearest sarosian, bringing her thunder hammer down with a loud crack. The sarosian crumbled; his ebony armor was no match for the holy relic. Dash was already leaping to the next sarosian when she realized she had made an error.

The next sarosian was one of the lieutenants, and he bore a shield and a power sword that had a black glow. It was as if light could not bear to be near the unholy artifact, creating a vortex of darkness around the blade deeper than any night. Dash brought the hammer down with all her might and shifted her body to the right. She had just enough time to calculate where the foul blade would strike her armor before it pierced through her like a knife through butter. Her thunder hammer bounced harmlessly off the shield and flew into the ground nearby.

Her momentum carried her away from the sarosian, but she could already feel her heart and 2 of her lungs shutting down. She would need to make it to the LZ and enter stasis if she was to have any hope of surviving longer than 15 minutes. She rolled over with her bolter already in her hand, emptying a clip of consecrated rounds into the sarosian's shield to no avail. She could smell the fuel from her jetpack as the sarosian lifted his sword. Dash lit the jets anyway as his blade swung down where her chest had been a moment earlier. She could feel the fuel igniting, further adding to the damage to her body, but she cleared the blade.

The sarosian was grinning as Rainbow uttered her last words "I shall know no fear. Fear denies faith. My faith is my shield. The Empress protects the faithful." The sarosian laughed, "The God Empress is dead little pony. Luna shall feast upon your soul in her harems!"

"Okie dokie lokie!" Pinkie Pie said into the comm. She looked down and said "I'm going to love and tolerate the heck out of you" before crushing the skull of the sarosian lieutenant beneath her. Armored in the chapter’s only suit of Terminator armor, Pinkie was the armored behemoth of the chapter. It was her job to spearhead assaults and the last thing between her and the LZ was a sarosian heavy tank. This was going to be too easy.

Pinkie Pie activated the transporter to clear the ridge in front of her, planting her hooves as she activated the chain gun attached to her armor. She was making progress with the armor piercing rounds on the tank's rear armor as the turret finally rotated around to her. She tried to activate the teleporter but the unit was only at 80% charge. With a grin, she covered her face and continued firing as hellfire poured out of the tank and over her terminator armor. She was rewarded by the sound of an explosion and shrapnel bouncing off her armor as her rounds finally found their mark.

Pinkie saw something blue jet by in the distance. She teleported closer to it and ran as best as she could in the terminator armor, which was not fast at all. She cleared the ridge with her weapon's barrel spinning to see a sarosian lieutenant standing over Rainbow Dash. "The God Empress is dead little pony. Luna shall feast upon your soul in her harems!" the sarosian laughed.

"FOR THE EMPRESS!" Pinkie roared as dozens of rounds spewed out of her weapon into the back of the sarosian. Pinkie only regretted she couldn't see the look on the foul creatures face as it was sent back to the warp. She walked over to help Rainbow Dash.

Twilight had that feeling that shit was about to hit the fan. A wave of dread was spreading across the planet. The eyes of Luna were upon her; surely she would be here soon. Looking at her chronometer, there were 2 minutes left until lift off, giving them just over 2 and a half minutes before the exterminatus.

Twilight lifted her nemesis force weapon to absorb the eldritch witch's lightning. Her horn and halberd glowing, she retaliated against the servant of Luna with her own mental barrage. With each volley she closed the distance to her target. She had been trained to kill psykers and no amount of magical assault could penetrate her defense. The witch's horn flashed as several rocks flew at her. She ignored the rocks as they bounced harmlessly off her armor. Eldritch energy was crackling off her armor as she closed the distance even further. Her eyes and the holy runes of the Empress carved into her skin were glowing white.

"Spirit of noxious immateria, be gone from hence, for as the Empress of ponies, manifold be her blessings, watches over me, so I will not fear the shadow of the warp." Twilight was nearly 30 feet from the foul witch that had tried to destroy the drop ship. As she continued to chant she raised her fore hooves and all of the eldritch energy surged off her like a waterfall. The witch screamed as her psychic defenses melted under the onslaught, a scream that would have killed any lesser pony. Twilight continued to channel power until she could no longer sense the witch.

Twilight stood on the ramp of the drop ship and Pinkie carried Rainbow Dash to the drop ship. "You came back with more than just her geneseed, how bad was it?" Twilight inquired. "She took a blade to the chest, knocking out a heart and 2 lungs. She's activated the Sus-an Membrane to enter stasis until we can assess the damage" Pinkie replied.

Shortly behind them came Fluttershy, smoking a cigar and dragging behind her the head of a lesser daemon whose eyes still wept flame. "Flutter, what did I tell you about trophies? All that is tainted with chaos must be purged" Twilight scolded. "Pfft, you’re no fun. I had to fight this beast hand to hand with a bolter and knife after he broke my flamer" she replied as she dropped the head, and kicked it into a nearby ditch.

Bringing up the rear were Applejack and Rarity, arguing over who had gotten the most kills. "Well that's fine 'n dandy sittin' on top of some ruins pickin' off unsuspectin' cultists nice and safe like, but I say that last one was mine. 73-72 I win, you owe me some hard cider" Applejack complained. "Please if you’re not going to let the kills count just because your flailing your chainsword around when I shoot them then I don't really see the point of saving you over and over" Rarity quipped.

Twilight walked up the ramp and closed the hatches. "Cleared for lift off, hard burn. Get us to orbit!" she barked at the pilot. "Roger that, full burn in 3" Spitfire replied. True to her word, a sudden jerk shook the space ponies as the shuttle accelerated to escape velocity in just over 3 seconds. Twilight looked out the window and muttered "Some may question your right to destroy ten billion ponies. Those who understand realize that you have no right to let them live!"

"What was that sugarcube?" Applejack asked. "Nothing Applejack, I was just remembering something the God Empress once told me. I hope next time we can stop the taint of chaos before we have to invoke the exterminatus on a whole planet" Twilight sighed. As the planet was bathed in weapon fire from orbit, she took comfort that the Empress will was done today.

Author's Notes:

This story got lodged in my head and I had to write it down.

If you have any "What If" ideas and would like me to write a short story about, suggest it below.

5. Lyra Trolls the Internet :: T/Co

“Lyra! Come on, we don’t have all night! The gala is in 45 minutes and you signed up to perform!” Bon Bon shouted.

“Just a minute, I’m almost done!” Lyra said.

“That’s what you said two hours ago!” she retorted.

Lyra continued to type away on the keyboard using her magic. Glowing mint green astral hands flowed over the keyboard, her magic typing at break neck speeds.

Lol, Lyra495, dunt be a newb, they’re is no such thung ask humans!

First off, HungLikeAStallion_69, your name, and your argument are an insult to all of Ponydom. Instead of responding to the clearly linked scholarly articles on humans you igno—

“Lyra!” Bon Bon shouted, pulling the plug on the computer.

“NO!” Lyra screamed in her ear, illiciting a painful squeal from her. “HE WAS WRONG! I had to prove him wrong! He’s ruining everything!”

Bon Bon sighed, speaking with the tone of voice one would use with a petulant filly. “Lyra, it’s the internet. You’re arguing with a talking head, an anonymous pony you’ll never meet, over something entirely inconsequential!”

“That’s not true Bon Bon! First off, your name is stupid and your argument is invalid! Instead of addressing my point, you insult me to distract the reader!”

“What bucking reader, Lyra? This is real life!” Bon Bon quickly slaps Lyra on the cheek. “Get ahold of yourself, Mare!”

Lyra bites back a tear and rubs her cheek. “You. . . hit me. But. . . nopony on the internet hits me. . .”

“That’s because you’re acting irrational! Just ignore whats-his-face, he’s not important, this,” she gestured to the powered-off computer, “is not important!”

Lyra began to sob. “B-but he. . . he m-mocked me on my favorite h-human fiction w-website. H-he hurt my f-feelings.”

Bon Bon hugged the mint green mare tightly. “My golden Lyra, it’s okay. It’s just a meanie on the internet. You know I love you, everypony in Ponyville thinks you’re great.”

“B-but T-twilight still s-said. . . h-humans aren’t real. . .”

“Lyra,” she lifted her chin to face her eyes. “Twilight may disagree with you, but she is a real friend, not some pony on the internet. She respects you, loves you, she doesn’t call you names to make you feel like a bad pony. Why would you want to do that back to some troll on the internet?”

“S-so t-they stop m-making f-fun of me. . .”

“Oh, Lyra, come here.” Bon Bon hugged her again and glanced at the clock. The gala began in 15 minutes, barely enough time to get to the castle on time. She patted Lyra on the back.

“Thank you,” Lyra finally said with a sniffle. “I feel better. . .”

“Good, because the Gala is beginning. Are you gonna let this go for me?”

“Y-yes.”

Bon Bon planted a light kiss on her forehead.

The gala had gone excellently. Despite being a background pony, Lyra’s music was exceptional. Whether or not the snooty nobles cared, Lyra knew her Bonnie was in the cloud just to hear her play the lyre.

Lyra headed over for punch during the intermission. “Hey, Berry.”

“Hey, Lyra. It’s lovely to see you here,” Berry said.

“Likewise, how is your vineyard?”

Berry smiled. “We’re now shipping wine to over four countries. Most recently, the Minotaurs began ordering a special vintage of Merlot. They even sent some of their white grapes so I can try creating some new wines.”

“That’s wonderful! I can’t wait for your next wine tasting,” Lyra said.

“I’d love to see you there. Just remember to keep Pinkie away from the wine caskets.”

The two mares laughed at the party pony, who like Vinyl, knew exactly how to party when alcohol was involved.

“I still can’t believe Pinkie made fun of you at the last party, Berry. I would have drank all the punch straight from the bowl too if you hadn’t beat me to it!”

Berry chuckled. “Yeah, I don’t know how she makes such damn-fine non-alcoholic fruit punch. It was funny having the pot call the kettle black though. . . at least, when she is sober she knows I only drink socially.”

Lyra chuckled, hearing a small chime from on stage. “Well, almost time for me to get back to work, see you later.”

Lyra turned around and bumped into a large white unicorn. She immediately recognized him as Blue Blood, and her smile soured.

“Oh, dear, what a lovely unicorn. Tell me, which noble family are you from?” Blue Blood asked.

“Not interested,” Lyra said. She nearly choked on the odor of bourbon on his breath.

“Now, now. Surely you want to hear my proposition to unite our noble houses in matra. . . in marr. . . in sex.”

“Nope.”

Blue Blood stuck his hoof out, blocking her path. “Aww, come on! Won’t you even tell me a little about yourself, sexy?”

Lyra bit back a cruel retort, instead opting for a more peaceful was to de-escalate the situation. “I’m Lyra, I’m a commoner from Ponyville and I play the Lyre. I’m renting a two-star motel to play at the Gala this year. I broke the motel lobby computer arguing over human fiction on my favorite websites. I enjoy long walks on the beach, and stallions with a shred of self-respect.”

She stuck her tongue out, and started to walk around him. “Lyra, I too am a fan of the um. . . human fiction! Why don’t we go back to my room and use my uh. . . computer to talk about it!”

Blue Blood was being a little too obnoxious for Lyra’s tastes. “Okay then, prove it! What’s your name?” she asked.

“HungLikeAStall—”

“Thou did well not to invite the elements, Tia,” Luna whispered.

Celestia sighed. “Don’t remind me. The gala is so much better with them here to cause a little chaos. I might have to reform Discord if I have to sit through one more boring gala.”

Luna chuckled. “We wish to see Discord arrange a gala. Do not fret, dear sister, perhaps Blue Blood will once again ‘cause a little chaos’ for us to enjoy.”

Celestia’s eyes scanned the crowd, landing on Blue Blood. Her Nephew was. . . special. . . She scowled quietly, so only Luna could hear it. “You’re right, looks like he is going to offer us a reprieve.”

Luna turned to face Blud Blood just in time. He said something to a minty green unicorn. Less than half a second later, she had grabbed his front leg and flung him over her shoulder onto the buffet table.

Blue Blood landed on the punchbowl, shattering it. A second later, the table gave beneath his weight, spilling more food, drinks, and two large ice sculptures of the royal princesses onto him.

Celestia and Luna couldn’t hide their laughter from the noble ponies. It was far too loud and unbecoming of royalty. Neither cared.

They watched the unicorn, a tan mare, and the lyre leave the building.

Celestia smiled. “At least the lyrist knows how to love and tolerate”

Author's Notes:

Dear Princess Celestia,

Today I learned that it is wrong to troll people. It just makes them angry, and it makes me really angry. I apologize for my actions against your nephew, and promise the next time I'm on humanfiction.net, I will not make personal attacks against other authors.

Your faithful author,
Lyra Heartstrings

p.s. But come on, he was drunk and had it coming. What? No, Spike, the letter is over! Stop writing! HEY! GET BACK HERE!

6 Dexterity: The Serial Killer :: T/Tr

Flim had gotten into plenty of fights as a traveling sales pony. The throbbing in his forehead right now topped every fight over cider or booze he had ever had. As Flim awoke he could make out a dim ceiling, aged and covered in cobwebs. The world was spinning and coming into focus; He must have had quite a night with his brother. They must have used their cider maker to make hard cider again. No stranger to hangovers, he took a deep breath and tried to sit up. Confused, he looked down to see why his body wasn't obeying him, only to find himself strapped to a table.

"I'm so glad you could join us Flim. For a while I thought I had given you too much tranquilizer. Even your brother screaming for mercy didn’t wake you up." A cold calculating voice spoke softly from the shadows, "did you two really think nopony would notice the mares going missing in each town your little 'cider' squeezer visited?"

"What... there..." Flim felt like he had a mouth full of cotton and struggled to get a better view of his assailant. The voice was coming from across a table with a white cloth laid over it. A single red stain adorned the center of the sheet. "Flam... You're... why are you doing this?" he asked. Deep down he knew what he had done. "Sweet Celestia, you finally caught—"

"Celestia holds no power here!" the white mare barked with emotion as she stepped from the shadows. "Do you see the pictures on the wall? Look at them!"

"I.... but..." The angry white mare slammed Flim’s head to the left against the table. On the walls were pictures of 6 mares, Flim remembered one of them as Cherry Jubilee. A grey one had eyes that seemed to be bouncing around in different directions. He couldn't remember names but he could remember what he and Flam had done to the mares... Flim inhaled deeply as he realized why he was here and tried to summon his magic. Instantly pain racked his brain, spreading down his spine and into his legs.

"Looking for this?" the mare mocked him. She tossed his horn to the ground and smashed it with her hoof. "You murdered these innocent sweet mares, and that was enough for me to put you on my table. What I wasn't expecting was your blubbering brother to admit too much... darker acts before you two killed them."

Flim looked over at his brother and then to the mare in front of him. She had a cold, calculating look in her eye just like his brother when he sized up a mare. This white mare was a cold blooded murderer. Flim thought of the angles he could take to try to appeal to her. She had already killed his brother and altar to the lives he had taken. The mare had gone to great lengths to prepare her own brand of justice. Perhaps if he convinced her that he was a victim? "If you kill me you'll be no better than Flam. All my life I've lived in his shadow, forced to help as he tricked these young mares and—murdered them" Flim said, trying his best to cry.

"No. You and your brother have done something so vile that the only way to protect Equestria is to take your life. Now tell me how sorry you are and I'll make this quick" the mare stepped forward and snipped a lock of hair off of Flim's mane.

"Please... Don't... I'm sorry! Please have mercy on me!" Flim begged, finally able to cry.

"Celestia has mercy, I do not." The mare raised her blade and with a single stroke to his heart she ended the life of another serial killer. Equestria, and mares throughout it, would be safe from scum like Flim and Flam. She wished she had caught on to them when Derpy had vanished. They killed 3 more mares after Derpy and she could have saved them. Those 3 lives weighed heavily on her conscience while a darker voice in her brain rejoiced. She had to keep this dark side fed and in control. She had to channel her urges into something positive to control them. She had to remember who she truly was: Rarity, big sister, and guardian of the innocent.

"I can't believe Tank is turning 2 years old! This is the best turtle party I've ever thrown" Pinkie exclaimed.

"It's a tortoise… if you don’t mind" Fluttershy corrected.

"Tortoise, turtle, what's the difference? Here have some of my red velvet cupcakes they're the best!" Pinkie shoved one in Fluttershy's mouth.

"Really darling, I wish you wouldn't go around shoving cupcakes at everypony. It's not very ladylike" Rarity stated.

"I'm just glad we have something to celebrate with all the disappearances lately" Twilight broke in.

"Whatever do you mean Twilight?" Rarity asked, fighting the urge to smile.

"Celestia had some royal guards stop by the library earlier. They had heard from the police that Flim and Flam were seen near Ponyville so they came to arrest them. Their super speedy cider squeezy 6000 was found near the Everfree Forest. The princess wanted to question them about some disappearances," Twilight sighed.

"Were they the colts everypony was looking for to question about the mares disappearing?" Rainbow glanced back to Twilight "Derpy disappeared after they visited Ponyville and mares vanished from the next few towns they visited. Sounds to me like they were up to no good and got what they deserved."

"Now Rainbow, that's horrible to say." Rarity fought back another smile at the unintended compliment. "Just because somepony takes another ponies life doesn't mean something terrible should happen." Rarity could see she had the desired effect on Rainbow. For years Rarity was the reason there were so few murders in Ponyville. When a pony disappeared, she could quickly track down and deal with the culprit.

The party for Tank continued on until late at night at the Carousel Boutique. After everyone had left Rarity let out a sigh of relief and headed for bed. In her bedroom under a false floorboard, she pulled out a simple looking wooden box. She looked at the two newest trophies, two locks of red hair with white stripes. Today had been a good day.

Rarity was curling her mane and sorting various hair care products with her magic. Since she had started protecting Ponyville the crime rate had dropped to the lowest in Equestria. She hoped that with Flim and Flam out of the way there would be a chance to relax and get back to dress making. Trotting downstairs she wondered which dress she should start with when Applejack burst through the front door.

"Rarity, quick! Ya'll need to get over to Twilight's with us, Big Mac's gone missing!" Applejack blurted out.

Rarity knew that Big Mac was probably asleep in the shade of an apple tree. The other voice in her head suggested that a new murderer was in town. Rarity found herself smiling and said “Don’t worry darling, we’ll find him.”

At the library Applejack and her friends discussed plans for search parties. "He was 'sposed to be back for dinner after workin' the south field but he didn't come back. I reckon we looked all over Sweet Apple Acres for him but couldn't find him anywhere!" Applejack was barely able to control her emotions.

“I’m sure we will be able to find him, don’t worry yourself," Rarity consoled.

"Yeah, so have some cupcakes to cheer up! These ones have extra extra frosting and extra extra extra sprinkles!" Pinkie gleefully began passing out her cupcakes. Sure enough these were large chocolate cupcakes generously covered in red frosting and green sprinkles.

"I've sent word to Celestia. She has dispatched the royal guard to all the towns in Equestria due to the recent string of murders and disappearances. She has instructed them to follow my orders and aid in the search for your brother, we'll find him Applejack" Twilight assured.

Rarity paced angrily across the boutique hurling bolts of fabric and spools of thread. With resounding crashes she manifested her anger on anything in range of her magic. So far nopony found Big Mac and to make matters worse Lyra disappeared then the Mayor. As her rage exploded, she flung several of the broken mannequins back across the shop.

This time it was personal; somepony had kidnapped Rainbow Dash. In all the years learning to follow clues and track down serial killers, nopony had ever taken one of her friends. She had caught dozens of evil ponies, followed clues and solved cold cases. So far nopony had left her a clue to follow; it was as if they marched off to their deaths willingly. Big Mac, Lyra, Mayor Mare, Dash… Rarity had personally searched all of their rooms with help from Twilight and found nothing.

Rarity looked around at her destroyed shop, it was clear she was getting nowhere. The weather team had gone to check on Rainbow when she didn’t show up for work this morning. She had been napping in the town square yesterday, how long had she been missing? Was she already dead? Rarity had no answers and realized whoever was out there was every bit as cunning as her.

Twilight, Fluttershy, and Pinkie Pie were out looking desperately for Rainbow Dash. Applejack was so devastated about Big Mac that she had packed up her whole family and moved to Appaloosa. Rarity had to salvage what was left of her friends, of the elements of harmony...

Rarity stepped out into the night with her saddle bag and her favorite knife. Somewhere, in one of these houses had to be somepony and Rainbow Dash. The beast inside Rarity knew this to be true; it knew that the killer was someone trusted in Ponyville. When it came to matters such as these Rarity had learned to trust that instinct. No struggle meant it was somepony they had trusted. She set off first towards the center of town and Sugar Cube Corner. Maybe Pinkie Pie had some luck in the search for Rainbow Dash. As she approached the house she noticed the closed sign on the front door. It made sense the Cake's wouldn't be taking any chances with their young foal and filly. What she didn't expect was to see Pinkie leap past the kitchen window with a mixing bowl. How could she possibly be looking for Rainbow Dash if she was wasting more time baking those insufferable cupcakes!

Rarity used her magic to break down the locked front door, upset that anypony would be doing less than spending all their effort looking for Rainbow Dash. When she got to the kitchen Pinkie was already gone. She had just been in the kitchen and Rarity could see no trace of her. She felt a nagging in her mind as a voice inside told her to examine the floorboards. She looked around and saw that flour and sprinkles of every color adorned the old pine floorboards. She glanced towards the oven, where there were 4 planks without a single sprinkle on them. Rarity grinned as she realized Pinkie must be hiding in the cellar baking cupcakes instead of searching for Rainbow Dash.

Rarity used her magic to lift up the floorboards and head downstairs, but nothing could prepare her for what she saw next.

"Please Pinkie... why am I tied up? What's going on? Is this some kind of prank?" Rainbow cried, pure terror in her eyes.

"It's like I told you, you get to make cupcakes because I pulled your number, see!" Pinkie cheerfully pointed out a scrap of paper with ‘42’ on it. "Now you'll make the tastiest cupcakes ever!"

"I don't understand... I can't make cupcakes strapped to a table! And it's really hurting my wings!" Rainbow pleaded. Her eyes bulged in terror as she realized what Pinkie had meant when she invited her over to ‘make cupcakes.’

"Now Rainbow, I don't want you to be scared, I'm just going to take a little piece and figure out what flavor we'll be making!" Pinkie slid a scalpel into Rainbow Dash's flank near her cutie mark, and every muscle in Dash’s body tensed.

"Gasp! Uh—" Pinkie looked down at her chest as a cold chill filled her. Something had hit her in the back, something red was pooling on the floor... with a big grin she collapsed to the ground.

For a minute, Rainbow Dash didn't move, she didn't even open her eyes. She realized Pinkie wasn't talking, and that her flank wasn't feeling any more pain. Two cyan eyelids rose slowly, blinking away the tears. Traumatized by the horror she had just undergone, she began to cry for joy when she saw Rarity slumped on the floor next to Pinkie Pie.

"Rarity!—" Rainbow sobbed and added "I'm—she—oh Celestia, what's happening?"

"Pinkie... why? Why would you do this? Why didn't I figure it out sooner, maybe Lyra and the Mayor would still be here.... how many others?" Rarity questioned the dead mare who up until a minute ago had been one of her best friends. Pinkie Pie had always been one of Rarity’s closest friends and had shared in countless happy memories. She was the element of laughter, throwing parties for everypony, baking cupcakes… If a pony so nice could be this evil, was Rarity any better?

"Uh.... Rarity? I could really use a hoof here. Please? You did what had to be done let's just go get the police—" Rainbow froze when Rarity looked up at her, those weren't the same eyes of the element of generosity she was used to.

"All these years Rainbow—all these years I thought I was protecting innocent ponies. If Pinkie Pie can be a killer too, how am I any better?" Rarity asked, as she began to stitch up the cut on Rainbow's flank with her sewing kit.

"Rarity, if you hadn't killed her she would have killed me, doesn't that make it alright? You're kind of freaking me out here..." Rainbow blubbered.

"Do the ends justify the means Rainbow? It wasn't just Pinkie; I have caught dozens of serial killers before her. I have killed them for the evil they wrought on Equestria. I have weighed each life they took before I caught them against each life I saved.... in the end, am I any different?" Rarity inquired.

"Um..." Rainbow Dash had tensed up. Not only had Pinkie been a serial killer but Rarity too? And now she was stuck here, her savior having an existential crisis? Deciding her only way off this slab was to appeal to her generous side, Rainbow decided to help her through this.

"Rarity please, think of Sweetie Bell and all the other fillies that will be safe now. Think of all the ponies that will be safe for what you did. Just—" Rainbow steeled herself for what she was about to say. "Just let me go, and if you don't want anypony to know about this I won't tell them."

Rarity began removing the straps from Rainbow Dash, and finally admitted "No Rainbow, ponies need to know. Violence and hatred is spreading across Equestria. I thought the solution was to excise it. Go to Twilight, tell her to send a letter to the Princess about this and meet me at my boutique. I have a letter to write to Sweetie Bell. Celestia willing I may be able to atone for the lives I've taken without taking any more."

The straps were now undone, and as much as Rainbow wanted to comfort her friend, the voice in the back of her head was screaming for her to fly out of that place as fast as she could. "Rarity..." Rainbow began, but was interrupted. "Dash no; I've broken the elements of harmony, only Celestia can save me now, go!" Rarity commanded. Dash took off and flew out of Sugar Cube Corner, leaving Rarity with her thoughts. The control she thought she had over her dark urges to kill had been shattered when she killed one friend to save another.

Rarity walked through the darkened boutique and levitated a quill to paper.

Deer Sweetie Bell,

I want you to know that you are going to hear some terrible things about me, and I want you to know I did what I did to protect you. What I did was still wrong, I had angry feelings and I didn’t handle them the right way. I hope someday you can forgive me. Stopping violence with violence is no cure. I only hope you will grow up generous, kind, and full of love. You are sweet and innocent, and I will always love you.

-Rarity.

Twilight walked into the darkened boutique to find Rarity exactly where Rainbow Dash had told her she would. "I couldn't believe what Rainbow Dash told me. I wouldn't have believed her but she had a fresh cut and was sobbing. You and Pinkie are serial killers? " she chided.

Rarity looked up and met Twilight's eyes and even her dark passenger felt a twinge of guilt "I never knew it would go this far" she stated. "I used my evil for good" Rarity said, chuckling "if that even makes any sense."

"You saved lives Rarity, but you also took them and that was wrong. I just want you to know that as angry and disappointed as I am right now, I will still remember you as the generous pony I met when I moved to Ponyville." Twilight tried to comfort her.

"Thank you, for understanding Twilight" Rarity said. She stood up and would have hugged Twilight, but Celestia and Luna were already waiting behind her to take her to Canterlot. She would face trial soon for her crimes. She swallowed the lump in her throat as she approached the princesses and hoped they could help her silence the dark voice in her head.

A pair of deft hooves sewed flesh as the pony hummed a song. She had cleaned up Pinkie Pie and gotten her ready for the burial. There wouldn't be a burial though; she couldn't stand the thought of any of her friends ever leaving her. Instead an empty casket had been buried, and Pinkie was brought here. Despite being dead she still had that smile on her face and that joy in her eyes. Whether from insanity or laughter, the features had stuck there. As the Pony finished sewing the knife wound up, she took a step back to admire her work.

On a pedestal now stood Pinkie Pie, preserved and not looking much worse for wear. Years of taxidermy had paid off, and she had wondered if she would be ready when the time came to use it on one of her friends. She couldn't bear to let any of her friends go: not a squirrel nor a pony. Every critter she had ever lost was preserved in this room. As Fluttershy stepped out of her shed, she saw an inquisitive Angel tapping his foot impatiently. "Stay out of my shed, Angel" Fluttershy whispered.

Author's Notes:

Time to give credit to those I wrote this parody about:
Dexter (tv show), Cupcakes, Secret Life of Rarity, shed.mov (youtube)

Charcoal Quill, who had the idea for the title Dexterity.

If you have any ideas and would like me to write a short story about, suggest it below.

7. Twilight's Dollhouse :: T/Da

Twilight hurried to clean up her study before her guest arrived. She had planned every last detail so tonight would be perfect. The last thing she needed was to have Spike walk in on her again.

Light tapping sounded from upstairs. She hurried up to meet her guest at the door. With one quick motion, her magic opened the door up.

"Applejack! I'm so glad you could make it," Twilight cheered.

"Thanks, ah reckon ah could use a break after all the weird things happenin' lately." Applejack walked inside and took a look around. "Spike is asleep already?"

"Yeah, he was really tired. Follow me; I have already heated us up some tea." Twilight gestured into the study. The two went in and took seats around a small round table.

"Ah ain't much for tea, but since ya already made it I can try some."

"Thank you, that's all I ask." Twilight levitated her teacup to her mouth and took a sip.

Applejack used her hooves to lift the steamy tea up to her nose. It smelled like flowers and cinnamon, and she took a sip. "Well, ah wouldn't normally agree with Rarity, but ya do make some good tea."

"Thank you, so tell me, how are things on the farm?"

"Awful," Applejack replied. "Ever since ya brought us that letter that Big Mac got drafted, we can barely keep up with the work. Can't imagine why Celestia would re-institute the draft at a time like this."

"I wish there was something I could do to help, maybe I could do something to help you relax."

After another sip of tea, Applejack was already feeling relaxed. "Ah reckon this tea is relaxin' enough. Long as ah got my farm ah don't much care that so many ponies are movin' out of Ponyville."

"I know, it's too bad they discovered dangerous pockets of magic under the ground. Ponyville was growing so fast."

"Whew." Applejack lifted her head back up and rubbed her eyes. "Ah must have worked harder than ah thought today, ah'm already plumb tuckered out."

"Drink some more tea, it'll help. You can even sleep here tonight, with me."

"Thanks, but ah got to keep an eye on Applebloom." She set down her tea and headed for the door. "Got—to get back before ah—fall asleep," she yawned.

"I insist," Twilight ordered. A plank of wood fell in front of the door and a magical lock clicked it into place.

"Wha—Twilight?" Applejack was feeling a bit woozy from standing up.

"There, there, why don't you come sit down and finish your tea?"

"Ah don't want no tea." Applejack followed her over to the table and sat down. It was getting so hard to stand in her current exhausted state. "Ah've got ta get home, Applebloom and Granny will be worried."

"Finish your tea, and I'll walk you home."

"Ah said I don't want you—"

"Finish your tea!" Twilight commanded.

"Twi—Twilight you feelin' alright?" Applejack glanced down at her tea. A sudden thought entered her mind, though it made no sense in her drowsy state. She had gotten tired as soon as she drank the tea. Twilight must have put something in it. With the strength she had left she lifted the cup, making a show of accidently spilling it and dropping the cup.

"Applejack!"

"Sorry—ah'm so tired. Ah'll just finish yours for ya." Applejack yawned and smiled weakly.

"That's ok, I'll make you more." Twilight removed her tea from the table and went into the kitchen.

Uncomfortable at what was going on, Applejack began to crawl towards the door. She had heard stories of ponies being taken advantage of, but surely this was some misunderstanding. The tea, the drowsiness. . . she knew she should not have stayed up so late last night.

Applejack reached the door and tried to undo the lock. She was probably being paranoid, but she'd rather be paranoid while safe at home.

Twilight walked back into the room hovering a new cup of tea for her friend. "Applejack, where do you think you're going?"

"Gotta—get home Twi." Applejack slumped against the door.

"This is your last chance, drink your tea." Twilight hovered it to her lips to help her drink it.

"No," Applejack mumbled. She weakly tried to swat it away. She managed to spill some of it, but Twilight's magic kept a firm grip.

Frustrated, Twilight flung the cup against the wall. "Fine, if you don't want to do this the easy way, we'll do it the hard way. I've only had to use this spell once on a conscious pony and it sounded quite unpleasant."

"What?" Applejack fought to keep her eyelids open and her focus on Twilight. It all felt so wrong that adrenaline had begun to pump through her veins, helping her fight off the drowsiness. "Ya are gonna do what to me?"

"You'll see soon enough. I do hate to make noise, got to be mindful of the neighbors, so why don't we start here?"

Twilight walked over, her horn glowing. Applejack tried to keep the horn away from her, slapping it with her hooves. She pushed her horn against Applejack's throat, silencing her.

"And now, my favorite part." Twilight took a step back and encased Applejack in a purple aura.

Applejack fell flat on the ground and began to squirm. She opened her mouth to scream but no sound came out. She felt her hooves go numb as a new sensation crept over her legs. It felt like hardened plastic, smooth and cold, as it flowed upwards. Slowly her lower legs lost their feeling and the muscles stopped obeying her commands. As the icy plastic continued upward, her hooves felt as if they were on fire. The plastic penetrated deep into her through her pores.

She tried to scream again and again as the plastic advanced. The fire burnt her down to the bone, as it turned her flesh into plastic. Meanwhile, the smooth outer coating replacing her fur had reached the top of her legs. She could no longer stand, even if she wanted too.

Once the plastic began encircling her ribs, the enormity of her situation dawned on her. With her stomach now rigid plastic, and her ribs unable to expand, she fought to draw in air. She hardly noticed the burning sensation spreading into her internal organs as she fought the rigid flesh pinning her lungs closed.

Applejack looked up at Twilight, who was sipping her tea and enjoying the show. She opened her mouth several times, trying to form words to speak to her. She continued to deny it; this must be Discord or Chrysalis. Twilight would never do this to her friend.

She froze in agony as the fire reached her heart. She felt it stop beating, and her mind screamed in terror. She could no longer feel anything below her neck, except the plastic and the burning sensation. Applejack was neither breathing nor circulating blood, and a dreadful calm washed over her head.

This was it. Twilight had murdered her.

Applejack managed a few tears as the plastic crept along her muzzle. It began to pour inside her mouth and nose, followed by that agonizing burning. She forced her eyes to stay open, pouring the last bit of strength into glaring at Twilight.

A second later it was over. The pain had ceased, Applejack was at peace. Yet, she was still aware. She was laying on the floor, unmoving, and still staring at Twilight.

"Well, I may have to do that more often. It was quite fun to watch your reactions," Twilight complimented. "Now, let's fix you up and get you back to the farm."

The farm, Applejack thought. Does she think this is some kind of prank and she can just send me back now? When I get out of here. . .

Twilight's horn began glowing purple, and the world started to expand away from Applejack. Everything was getting bigger, soon it was twice as large, three times as large, and continued to expand. It wasn't until she felt her legs being bent to a standing position that she realized what was happening.

Applejack was now only two inches tall, stuck in the pose of a pony galloping along the road. Her front left hoof was raised in the air, and her back left hoof gingerly touched the ground for balance.

She was a doll.

"Now, let me show you why I invited you over." Twilight levitated Applejack effortless over towards the basement door. "I have a lovely model of Ponyville in here; I think you'll enjoy it."

Twilight turned on the lights and Applejack saw what she was talking about. There was a perfect replica of the town taking up most of the basement.

"Now, here's Sugarcube Corner. You can see Pinkie just inside, she's having so much fun selling everypony cupcakes. I'm afraid she didn't really move back in with her parents on the rock farm," Twilight chuckled.

"Here's Rarity's shop, she's quite lucky. Her and Sweetie will get to spend the rest of their lives together, and look how happy they are!

"Next up Rainbow Dash in her Wonderbolt outfit. She is quite lucky. Had her turn come up sooner she would not have been accepted into the Wonderbolts yet. Imagine my joy to not only find out she passed the tryouts, but to have her come tell me in person right after I drew her number!

"This one. . . This will be Fluttershy's cottage, but it isn't her turn yet. The real reason you are here is right over there, on Sweet Apple Acres."

Twilight levitated Applejack down to be face to face with Big Mac. "I love family reunions. Now, I'm going to leave you and Mac to catch up. We have a big day tomorrow, it's applebuck season!"

Applejack stared into her brother's eyes. She could not move a muscle, she had no choice but to stare straight ahead into his eyes. Is he imprisoned in there also? Everypony, imprisoned by Twilight?

She felt something like a tear roll down her cheek, and saw a tear mirror her own as it slid down Big Mac's muzzle.

The lights flickered out.

Author's Notes:

Thanks for reading the short story that I 'tested the water with'. The great response lead me to base an entire series off this one-shot!

8. Rainbow Dash's Unfinished Novel :: E/Sl

A young blue filly watched with excitement as the Wonderbolts performed for all of Ponyville. Today was the day that Spitfire was going to be performing the greatest move ever! Soarin and the other Wonderbolts began to form a gigantic twister out of storm clouds. The twister bucked wildly around in mid-air, shooting lightning bolts everywhere. Spitfire would fly through the twister, avoiding the lightning and creating a sonic boom to dispel the twister and pull up at the last second over the crowd!

As the fastest pony in Equestria, I knew how hard that would be but if anyone could do it Spitfire could! I watched as she dove, faster and faster, streaking into the eye of the twister. The lightning was flashing quickly as she got nearer, but then one of the Wonderbolts got out of position and a stray lightning bolt hit Spitfire knocking her out! I lept into action, closing the distance hundreds of the feet to the twister and catching Spitfire. I met Soarin and the other Wonderbolts on the ground afterwards.

"Wow Rainbow Dash, you keep on saving us and we're gonna have to make you a Wonderbolt!" Soarin exclaimed. Soarin nudged Spitfire who was dizzy but unharmed, one of the benefits of being a Pegasus was a high tolerance for electricity.

"That's twice now you've saved me Rainbow Dash, and since everypony knows your the only pony to have broken the sound barrier I'd like you to perform this trick for me at Canterlot next week" Spitfire said.

"omigosh omigosh omigosh! Really?" Rainbow proudly asked. "You'd let me join the team and do the grand finale!"

"More then that Dash, I'd like you to be the team captain for the performance. Celestia is going to be at the show and if anypony deserves to lead the Wonderbolts for a week, it's you!" Spitfire admitted.

"This is going to be the BEST WEEK EVER!!!" Rainbow shouted.

As Rainbow dash sat in her living room looking at her long unfinished novel she wasn't sure what to write next. Sure, she thought, the mare of her story would be the fastest flier in all of Equestria and become the captain of the Wonderbolts... How would she do it though? It was one thing to be awesome, anypony could tell just by looking at her. How would she describe it in her book so everypony could see it?

She thought back to Spike, who had once been her ghost writer. When Applejack had saved his life, Dash remembered about her unfinished novel and wished that she had saved Spike from the timberwolves. Then she could have just had him write the rest of the story. Dash couldn't figure out what was with this dragon code anyway, since she had saved the world and his life before. Why'd he have to choose now to follow the dragon code? And why did she let Applejack talk him out of it? Just yesterday she had pushed Spike out of the way of a run-away apple cart, but he is no longer following the dragon code so literally as to serve her every beck and call.

Well if Spike couldn't help with her unfinished novel, maybe Twilight could. Nopony knew more about books then Twilight, and it would give her a chance to see if the next Daring Do novel had come out. Daring always inspired Dash to spend a little more time reading books. She left the house and flew down to Ponyville and to Twilight's library before tapping on the glass to her bedroom. Twilight was sitting at her desk reading a book titled "A brief history of time, by Stephen Colting". It was beyond her how anypony could read such boring history books when so many adventure novels were in the library!

Twilight looked up from her book "Oh hi Rainbow Dash, what are you up to today?"

"Oh nothing much, I got bored of practicing all my super awesome moves and decided to work on my unfinished novel" she replied as she shrugged, making it look like writing a novel wasn't difficult at all. "I just thought I'd drop by and see if the new Daring Do novel is out yet."

"No Rainbow, I keep telling you it'll be out this summer. The pony who writes it has writer's bit" she replied sharply. "Now I have a lot of reading to..." she was quickly interrupted by Dash "So Twilight, what's a writer's bit?"

"It's when somepony can't think of anything else to put in their novel, sort of like you and that book about the 'awesomest fastest flier in all of Equestria' " Twilight mocked.

"Hey! I can think of plenty of things to put in my novel, I'm just too busy practicing tricks to impress the Wonderbolts! But uh... how's somepony going to figure out how to finish the Daring Do novel then?" Rainbow dash fidgeted around a little, hoping Twilight hadn't caught on that she was really trying to get advice for her own novel. Twilight finally took her eyes off of her book and looked at her, seeing her fidgety forelegs.

"Well.... 'somepony' would go around and look for some inspiration, maybe tour some ruins to get ideas for Daring Do... or just fly around until 'somepony' got a good idea for her novel" Twilight added, barely able to keep her smirk from turning into a full blown smile.

"Oh, well let me know when it comes out, gotta run!" Rainbow shouted as she had already started to fly away. She had been embarrassed when she had to admit how awesome reading was after giving Twilight such a hard time. If she had to admit to her how much her unfinished novel was bugging her.... she couldn't bear the thought! She was the awesomest pony in Equestria, the only one to do a sonic rainboom, the element of loyalty! If anypony could finish their novel it'd be her!

As she flew along she began to pick up speed, if inspiration was what she needed then surely doing a sonic rainboom would give her all sorts of ideas for her novel. Approaching Apple Acres she continued to speed up, the wind pulling back at her mane until it felt like she was pushing her way through a vat of glue. Squinting against the wind, her wings beating furiously she felt the resistance build more and more. This was the moment of truth, the air was so palpable that she felt like she could tear a hole in it. Focusing on a point in front of her, she reached out her hooves, took a deep breath, and flapped with all her might.

In a split second, she had penetrated the sound barrier. As Rainbow flew along, outrunning the sound of her own sonic rainboom, she realized how her novel should end! Sure there was still that whole part in the middle of the novel to take care of, but how hard could that be? She had a beginning and an end, the rest would be a piece of cake!

Realizing how hungry her flight had made her, she circled back around to Apple Acres to see if the Apple family was eating dinner yet. She was no Pinkie Pie, but she was proud of the fact that nopony could hide the smell of a fresh baked meal from her Pegasus sense of smell. Slowing down she could see the last bits of the rainboom vanishing into the air and landed outside Applejack's house.

"Well I reckon that's her now Granny smith, she was loud enough to peel paint off the barn!" Applejack exclaimed.

"Hey Applejack! I couldn't help but notice some of that apple pie cooling on the windowsill" Dash grinned.

"What did I tell ya about doing sonic rainbooms so close to the house?" Applejack snorted.

"That it was TOTALLY AWESOME and COOL!" Rainbow excitedly added. "I don't suppose you wanna let this one slide if I promise to do it over the south field next time?"

"Ah swear Dash, sometimes ah wonder what's goin' on in that head o' yours. One of these days your gonna scare somepony into the hospital, or knock out our windows again. Ah reckon' you can have a piece of pie but you should head back home and work on that novel instead of trying to impress everypony" Applejack added knowingly.

"Pfft that's totally not what I was gonna do tonight Applejack" she denied. "And just because I asked you to make Spike finish my novel for me doesn't mean I don't know how to end it! In fact I just thought of the perfect final chapter."

"And let me guess, ya'll are gonna do a rainboom so spectacular that all o' Canterlot is in awe and the princess makes you captain of the Wonderbolts?" Applejack sarcastically added.

"What? No way! I'm WAY too cool to have such a cheesy ending" she replied defensively. Dash stood there for a minute as Applejack sized her up. There was no lying to that pony, and somehow she had hit the nail on the head about how she wanted to end her novel. "So I'll take some of the pie now, thanks, and head off. I've got some serious napping to do if I'm going to be at my best for Owlilicious' birthday party tonight."

"All right Rainbow, and remember not so close to the house" Applejack implored, sure that Rainbow had already tuned her out as she flew off with 2 pieces of apple pie.

After some apple pie and a 1... maybe 4 hour nap, Rainbow stretched and yawned. Sitting on her living room desk was the quill and parchment Twilight had given her when she expressed her desire to "write a book 20% cooler than Daring Do!" Twilight had been so amused that she readily gave her 4 quills and 10 rolls of parchment, and sent Spike out to restock her library at Sofas & Quills. Rainbow Dash had been so embarrassed at Twilight's glee that she hadn't often mentioned the unfinished novel since then.

Rainbow was loyal to her friends and loved spending time with them, but she always worried that she would fail them. If she couldn't finish this book, Twilight would probably stop letting her hang out at the library so much. Everypony would hear about how she couldn't finish the book, and Applejack would get that mischievous grin of hers when she finished her novel first. Rarity would probably shout "this is the worst... possible... thing!" and pass out, while Fluttershy and Pinkie would probably wonder why she hadn't mentioned her novel to them before. "Ugh, pleasing everypony can be a hard thing to do" she mumbled to herself as she sat down and began to write the last chapter.

Rainbow Dash stepped onto the stage, flanked by Soarin and Spitfire who had insisted on being her wingpony after she told her the new idea she had for the finale. "That's going to be a trick people will remember the Wonderbolts for forever!" Spitfire had gasped. "I have to help you pull it off if your going to get that kind of speed."

As Rainbow stood there, Celestia watched from her private balcony. Thousands of ponies were cheering for the fastest flier in Equestria. Rumors had been spread about the finale that she had planned, as well as the fact that Spitfire had made her captain for the week. In the stands were her friends from Ponyville to cheer her on. She could almost swear she heard Fluttershy cheering. She pulled the green tinted flight goggles down over her eyes and smirked. Standing there in the hoof-made blue flight suit with the golden Wonderbolt insignia, she had finally realized her dream. This was going to be the best airshow ever!

Leaping into the air the routine began. Warming up with some easy tricks, Rainbow was soon spiraling through the air. Approaching Sorain and Spitfire rapidly she sailed within inches of them before diving towards the ground. As their rainbow and smoke contrails mixed they corkscrewed tighter and tighter together. Forming a solid formation, they used their hind legs to kick apart from each other and rocketed apart above the stands. The ponies below cheered wildly at Rainbow Dash, and feeling the adrenaline she knew it was time for the grand finale.

After giving Spitfire the signal, Rainbow dash did her signature super speed strut to get everyponies attention, then the buccaneer blaze. The ponies below hadn't even noticed the giant twister Spitfire and Soarin had formed until the lightning began to crack through the sky. As everypony looked at the looming black twister that shot lightning around the edges, Rainbow zoomed straight up to gain altitude.

Looming over the storm twister, Rainbow could see the eye of the twister far below. She would dive down, performing a sonic rainboom in the middle of the twister causing an explosive rainbow and thunderous noise that nopony would ever forget. Her heart beat like a hummingbird, threatening to steal her resolve as she prepared to dive. Sweat trickled down her now matted mane, and she wiped her flight goggles that had begun to fog up. This was the moment she would go into the history books. The crowd below had now fixed their attention on her, a small blue dot in the evening sky, and she folded her wings to her side and began the dive.

As everypony silently looked upon her, she plummeted like a rock, conserving her energy until gravity could accelerate her no further. As she neared the cloud she began to flap her wings mercilessly, beating the air into submission. She was going to get every bit of speed possible, shatter the sound barrier and give Princess Celestia a show the like of which she had never seen in thousands of years of life. She felt the familiar thickening of the air, as if it couldn't get out of her way fast enough. She fought back as the air tugged against her skin, stretching her forelegs out in front of her into a spear. She was close now, the sound deafening, the air fought with everything it had, and then it happened.

Rainbow burst through the eye of the twister and simultaneously performed her sonic rainboom. As she veered to the left through the wall of the twister, she slowed down to just below the speed of sound then speed up breaking the sound barrier again. She had just performed the double rainboom, and nopony would ever be able to steal her place as the most awesome, fastest, coolest pony in all of Equestria!

Two rings of brilliant color spread out through the air, with lightning arcing between them. The entire audience was stunned silent, and a rush of cool air hit them like a wall of water blowing all of their manes back. The power and beauty of it brought tears to Celstia's eyes.

Rainbow landed as the cheering crowd rushed to congratulate her, and Princess Celestia stepped forward.

"My little pony, that was a full rainboom, all the way... a double sonic rainboom all the way! no way..." Celestia stopped as she fought back tears. "Whoa, that was so intense."

"omigosh omigosh omigosh omigosh" Rainbow chanted not believing what she was hearing from Celestia.

"You are without a doubt the fastest, most awesome flier in all of Equestria Rainbow Dash. It is with great honor that I pronounce you co-captain of the Wonderbolts and the best flier in Equestria!" Celestia exclaimed, using the royal Canterlot voice her sister was so fond of.

"BEST! DAY! EVER!" Rainbow screamed with glee, as Spitfire, Sorain, Twilight, Fluttershy, Pinkie, and Applejack tossed her into the air and carried her off to her "Best flier in Equestria Party" that Pinkie was throwing.

Rainbow dash leaned back exhausted, noticing that Tank was sitting on the table watching her write the novel. It was hard to believe only a week ago she had told Applejack and Rarity about her unfinished novel. Now that she had a first and last chapter, it would be super easy to finish the novel now. Kicking her hooves up on the table she got comfortable and closed her eyes to take a quick nap. Owlilicious had a party later tonight and she was sure when she told everypony about the awesome ending to her book, they would all want a copy. Just a couple more weeks, she'd tell them, and she'd have the best selling novel in all of Equestria.

Rainbow dash fell asleep with a wide grin on her face. Tank slowly crawled over to the quill and dipped it in the inkwell. Someone had to help Rainbow Dash finish her novel, and if he left it in her hands it'd never get done. With a very slow grin, he began to work on all those "pesky middle chapters" and correct her grammar. Tank was happy to be the best pet in all of Equestria.

Author's Notes:

My 2nd fimfiction story ever written.

Fun fact: Dash loves to write fan fiction!

9 Rarity's Revenge: Dodge Junction :: E/Co

It had been a couple months since Rarity had been stranded near Dodge Junction with only Pinkie Pie for company. They had to walk through the desert for a couple hours to get back to town, and then rent a handcar to get to Ponyville. There wouldn’t be another train until tomorrow, and once somepony told Pinkie that the nickname for a handcar was a “Kalamazoo” she had to listen to her go on for an hour about Kalamazoo this and Kalamazoo that. Then it was chimi cherry or cherry changa…

Rarity had sworn revenge on Rainbow Dash for abandoning them while chasing down Applejack. At first she had been planning a series of elaborate acts of revenge, but had finally settled on something more subtle…

Spike was flying through the air, listening for the sound of screaming. Spreading his massive wings out, he dove down towards the source of the noise. He could see a cowering pony, surrounded by timber wolves. “Hang on Rarity!” he bellowed, taking a deep breath. The wolves were oblivious of the purple dragon overhead, as he shot out green fire igniting 2 of them and sending the other 3 fleeing. After the 2 burning wolves had jumped into a nearby stream, Spike was alone with Rarity at last.

“Oh Spike darling, you’re my hero! You simply must allow me to reward you” Rarity blubbered, holding back tears. Spike closed his eyes and leaned forward… Rarity opened her mouth and shouted “SPIKE! GET THE DOOR!” Spike’s right eye popped open to a confused looking Rarity. “SPIKE! It’s almost noon get out of bed!” and as Spike turned around there was an annoyed looking Twilight and several woodland critters fleeing for their lives.

“Ugh…” Spike rubbed his eyes and rolled over in his bed “Twilight, I wouldn’t need to sleep in until noon if you hadn’t wanted me to sort all the books alphabetically by Author’s maiden name last night.”

“Well somepony must have left the front door locked and I have to finish this dissertation on the origin of the elements of harmony for the princess” Twilight replied calmly.

The knocking started up again but much closer this time, Spike looked over to the window to see a frizzy rainbow mane and 2 bright magenta eyes pressed against the glass. “Hey Twilight, Spike! The new Daring Do came out today; do you have my copy ready so I can read it?” Rainbow inquired.

“Actually Dash, Rarity stopped by earlier this morning and borrowed the whole series. I never would have figured her for the…” Twilight was interrupted by a panicked looking Rainbow Dash. “She what! I’ve been waiting months for the next novel, it’s supposed to be the best book in the series!”

“Well maybe you should go over and ask her to borrow it, after all she is probably still on the first book” she responded, but the window was already vacant. “Spike will you close that window for me? Spike?” After looking back Twilight could see that he was already fast asleep again. She heard a click and a “who” as the window closed. “Thanks Owlilicious” she replied, sighing at Spike. There were some battles even she couldn’t win, and as long as Spike was asleep she just might finish her dissertation for the princess and have time to start reading Starswirl the Bearded’s “The fabric of space time, unabridged edition.”

Rainbow Dash landed in front of Carousel Boutique and walked in past the open sign. She saw Rarity hard at work on a rainbow colored dress. She sighed, this is just what she needed right now. Her birthday was tomorrow and Rarity doubtless wanted to size some frilly girly dress to make Rainbow wear. As she pondered what Daring would do to get the book without getting stuck as a pin cushion for a crazed fashionista, she approached.

Glancing around the room the books were nowhere in sight, it was never that easy. “Hi Rarity, I came by to get the new Daring Do book, you know, kingdom of the ebony heart” she added.

“Oh Rainbow! I’m so glad you’re here; I have to get you sized for your birthday dress. I figured the only way I’d get you to sit still long enough was if I borrowed that dusty old book. And I must say that the way Ahuizotl traps her in a tomb before revealing—”

Rarity was quickly interrupted by Dash “STOP! I’ll let you size the dress just no spoilers. Also, could you make it a little cooler? With all those frills and laces you’d think somepony had never met me before.”

“Oh, well the customer is always right… Here, why don’t we get this sized and then I can make some modifications” Rarity fused. “After the whole incident with Hoity Toity I’d think you would have a little more faith in my designs.”

Rarity did have a point there, Rainbow conceded; if anypony knew fashion was it was her. With a dejected look on her face, she stepped up onto the pedestal next to the dress and allowed Rarity to put it on. She had zoned out, wondering what kind of artifact the ebony heart in the next novel would be. Would Daring Do take it back to a museum to be preserved, or would it turn out to be some dark artifact that had to be destroyed? And how had Ahuizotl escaped after Daring Do had her locked in prison?

As Rainbow stood there her skin crawled against all the satin and lace of the dress. Being friends with such a generous pony was nice, but sometimes she was a little too generous with her elaborate dresses. She noticed Rarity levitating a bottle over with her magic and a bit of fabric. “Hey Rarity, what’s that?” she inquired. She could already smell a bit of the pungent odor coming off the cloth

“wait.. ah” Rainbow quickly collapsed asleep on the floor. Rarity began the task of moving her upstairs to the bedroom while she prepared to get her revenge on Rainbow Dash.

Pinkie Pie hopped happily along the main street of Ponyville. She loved everypony and every party, but tomorrow was Rainbow Dash’s party and nothing was better than a big, cool, rock and roll party. She had already stashed cakes, streamers, confetti, and party cannons all around Ponyville in preparation. Her last stop was Rarity’s, who had generously offered to hold the party at her boutique.

As Pinkie approached, she stopped and took note of the closed sign on the door. Rarity shouldn’t be closed yet, so she paced around looking for an open window but couldn’t find one so she settled on a drain pipe.

Rarity was upstairs, making Rainbow’s dress 20% frillier and giving her a hooficure. She would be the most girly looking pony at her party tonight, and that would drive her crazy. She then heard a loud bang and what sounded like broken dishes downstairs in the kitchen. With a sigh she got up and left the bedroom, locking the door behind her. That was undoubtedly Pinkie Pie, nopony else could enter and leave a locked building at will like that pony.

“RARITY! I’m so glad to see you! I was outside and the door was locked and I was worried you forgot about the party, and then I thought you’d gone to get a present but that’s silly because everypony knows that the stores are closed on Sunday so I…” Pinkie was interrupted by Rarity, who knew from experience she would be here all day otherwise.

“Pinkie, I’m so glad you could make it but you’re earlier than I expected. Like we discussed, Rainbow wants to party all night long for her birthday. The guests will be here at 6” Rarity added.

“Oh I know that, I just came by to make sure everything is set up for tonight. It’s going to be the best party ever! The Wonderbolts accepted the RSVP, and everypony in town wants to come, and all of our pets will be here and Twilight says that Luna might even stop by if she is not too busy!” Pinkie rambled on “So why did you close up the shop so early?” she asked, tilting her head.

“Well I can’t have the shop messy for the party and I need to work on my mane” Rarity stated.

“Your mane looks fine Rarity, nothing like my mane. No matter how many times I wash it it still smells like cotton candy” Pinky sighed.

“That would be because you have cotton candy scented shampoo Pinkie” Rarity rolled her eyes.

“Oh that’s right! Well then, if everything’s ready here I’ll just head out to round everypony up” Pinkie exclaimed, before jumping back into the sink.

“No wait Pinkie!” Rarity shouted, but it was already too late. She would have opened a window or a door, but Pinkie had already vanished, presumably down the sink. “Well, that’s Pinkie Pie.”

Rainbow stirred in bed, she had clearly been taking a nap again but something in her mind was nagging her that this was all wrong. Had she overslept her birthday party? Looking outside it was already sunset, so she hopped out of bed and looked around for a clock. That’s when she noticed the mirror, and a small note on it.

Dear Rainbow Dash,

You abandoned me in Dodge Junction with Pinkie Pie, covered in dirt! It took me weeks to fix my mane. Well I’m throwing you a very special party to celebrate, I do hope you enjoy it.

-Rarity

Rainbow Dash looked in the mirror in horror. She first noticed her eyelashes, she never curled them or thought much of them for that matter. Now they were almost an inch longer and curled. Her eyelids had pink makeup that matched her iris and she had on matching lipstick. Her cheeks glistened with a blushing shade of pink. Then she saw her hair.

Her beautiful mane had been braided, shaking the tiara off she could see that no hair had been missed. Dozens of long, elegant braids ran through her mane, down over the dress…

Rainbow gasped in horror at the frills and lace. Smooth pink satin flowed down her flanks, with yellow lace and white frills. Small pastel flowers adorned the sides, it was doubtless the kind of dress Rarity or Fluttershy would wear but this was WAY to uncool for her. She needed something awesome, radical, streamlined…

Starting to panic her gaze finished drifting downwards to her beautifully hooficured hooves. Pink nail polish had been applied to her delicately trimmed hooves. “Nopony touches my hooves!” she thought. Not even bothering to examine her braided tail, she decided it was time to get out of here. She looked at the window, her birthday party was any minute and was at Carousel Boutique. She had to get out of here before anypony saw her. Losing control, she struggled to rip the dress off, when she noticed her wings.

Her wings were inside the dress! She tried everything to get the dress off but Rarity must have anticipated this. Losing all sanity, she rushed to the window to jump out and run off before everypony saw her wearing half the pink cloth in the boutique. The window was securely locked, that’s when she turned slowly to the door. Surely if Rarity had gone through this much trouble, than everypony in town would be waiting downstairs to surprise her. Taking a deep breath, she thought back to Daring Do and the Temple of Doom. She could do this, she could sneak out before anypony saw, maybe get to Snips parent’s clothing store and get some scissors.

The door creaked open as she pushed it with her muzzle. No light shone through the door, and the creaking was amplified by the sound of her heartbeat. Finally sure that nopony had heard the door open she crept out into the dark hallway. She looked around, figuring she was on the second floor. There should be a bathroom and another window to the left, so she tiptoed across the floorboards. It seemed like every floorboard there creaked as if a manticore was standing on it. She paused every couple of steps to make sure Rarity hadn’t heard her. Getting to the door she found it was locked, much to her dismay.

There was only one other option now, and that was to head downstairs. As she approached the stairs she could hear some hushed murmuring. The lights were out, and everypony in town must be there waiting for Rainbow to walk through the front door. “This is great” she thought, but if everypony thought she was coming through the front door maybe she could sneak out the back. All she had to do was sneak downstairs, past the ponies in the dark, and out the back.

As she crept down the stairs she could feel every eye in the room on her. Surely they had to notice her? Hear her heartbeat? Her lungs began to burn as she realized she hadn’t been breathing. Afraid to gasp for air, she inhaled slowly and took a few more steps. She had reached the bottom of the stairs, and slowly crept towards the back door. Careful to use the party tables as cover, she was nearly there.

At the back door, Rainbow gingerly bit the door handle and pulled the door open.

“SURPRISE!!!” Pinkie shouted at the top of her voice from the other side of the back door.

“GAH!!!” Rainbow leapt backwards from the pink pony. How had she been outside in the backyard? Was she in on it too?

“Rainbow silly, the party is that way!” Pinky exclaimed “And I just love your dress!”

“My….” Rainbow was at a loss for words as the lights came on and she heard a gasp from behind her. Everypony in town slowly turned around to catch the pony that had tried to sneak out of her own surprise party.

“She must have thought the back door was the front door or maybe she had too many naps or smelt all those delicious cherry changas that Rarity baked!” Pinkie was already bouncing several feet in the air out of joy, but everypony else wasn’t quite sure what to make of Rainbow dash. Braided hair, pink satin, painted hooves…

“Well… your dress is… um… certainly something” Fluttershy meekly said, breaking the tension in the air.

“Why yes I’d say it is!” Rarity chimed in with a smile so big it looked like she could have fit a whole cake in there like Pinkie often did. “Rainbow has had me working for weeks to get this dress just perfect for her party!”

As if on cue, Vinyl Scratch popped up behind the DJ booth and started bobbing her head to a deep Rock ‘n Roll beat. Dash had loved Rock ‘n Roll once Lyra had introduced her to it. Vinyl, or DJ Pon3 as she liked to be called at parties, was quick to get on board. Glad for a reprieve as everypony started to mingle, Rainbow made her way over to Rarity.

“I can’t believe you! Sticking me in this girly outfit, in front of everypony in town!” Rainbow stated indignantly.

“Oh Rainbow, dear, do lighten up. Trust me when I say this is nothing compared to the sweat and sand and 4 hours on a hand cart…” Rarity was interrupted by Pinkie shouting “KALAMAZOO!”

“Um, yes a Kalamazoo. Anyway you look simply smashing, every colt in the room will want to go home with you after the party” Rarity added.

Rainbow Dash knew when she had been beat, but she also knew Rarity. She was sure with a little help from Pinkie she could get Rarity back for this. At least the Wonderbolts weren’t here to see this.

“Rainbow Dash!” Spitfire exclaimed, trying not to chuckle and failing. “When I got the RSVP from Pinkie Pie for your party I must say, I never expected this!”

Rainbow Dash wasn’t sure what to say, Rarity may be getting her revenge and she was furious to look so uncool in front of the Wonderbolts… At the same time though, not many ponies could say they got to hang out with the Wonderbolts at their birthday party. With the thoughts of vengeance fading, Rainbow grinned and replied “Yeah, well I owed Rarity a favor for leaving her in Dodge Junction last year so I’m modeling one of her new dresses…”

“Well, that’s understandable, say when the party is overcome find me and I can show you a few tricks from the next airshow. You might need to take that off though” Spitfire pointed at her dress which was pinning her wings to her side.

“Yeah it was uh…” Rainbow scratched her mane, remembering about all the braids “made for earth ponies.”

“Rainbow, you look incredible. I must say when I sent you here to get that copy of Daring Do back I didn’t think you’d have to go this far” Twilight joked.

Spitfire had already wandered off, so Rainbow turned to look at her friends. “Ah reckon ah must have bucked too many apples today and am seein’ things. Ain’t never seen you in anything quite so…. Fetchin’” Applejack added.

“Well you know what they say, when you’re this cool you can pull off any outfit” Rainbow tried to look confident, but that wasn’t easy when it felt like you were wearing a pink cloud.

“Well Rainbow, do relax and enjoy the party. We have kumquats, cherry changas, chimi cherries, and I do say Pinkie has taken quite a liking to those ‘pixie stix’ over there” Rarity gabbed. “And after all, you wanted to have an all-night party, so you’ll have plenty of time to talk to everypony in town!”

Rainbow sighed dejectedly; this was going to be a very long night.

Author's Notes:

Tried to write a revenge that would fit the canon (so no burying Dash to her neck in sand next to an anthill.) Needs a little polish, oh and my first ever fimfiction story!

Looking back, I'm quite fond of these ridiculous and funny little short stories that I started my authorship with.

10 You Marry the Mane 6 :: T/Ro - 2nd person

Rolling over in bed, you feel the hooves of a mare holding you tight. You were a lucky stallion, to become alpha male in the mane 6's herd. Every stallion in Equestria knew your name, but they preferred to call you "the stallion who mounted the elements of harmony" or "luckiest stallion ever." What you never expected was how difficult it was to please 6 mares with such different personalities. Your herd was as often a war zone as a harem, with a well-chosen word being the difference between love and war.

Opening up your eyes, you turn and nuzzle Pinkie Pie. She was normally a very hyper-active pony, but you made sure she would sleep well last night. As you smelled her cotton candy scented hair, you noticed it had flattened out and was straight. There was something else in the scent, something wasn't right here. . .

Carefully sliding out of bed, you were able to make it to your desk without disturbing the mare. Looking at the calender you saw a single red dot next to today's date. It was that time of the month: the mares were in heat. If you had any hope of survival it was to make it out of the house safely before the mares woke up.

Turning around you considered grabbing your saddlebags; You would need some bits for your impromptu "guys day out." Pinkie was already stirring around in bed having noticed you were no longer there. No time for that you think to yourself. Heading for the door, each step makes a painful creaking noise on the old wood flooring. Pinkie gets closer and closer to waking up. . . finally you're through the doorway, careful not to shut the door to hard.

Passing by Twilight's open door on the right you see the curtains drawn, and Spike sleeping on his bed. "Spike!" you whisper. You consider just grabbing him with your magic and helping him make his escape too. Before you can, you notice Twilight passed out on her desk over some dusty book. It doesn't look like she is sleeping comfortably, and if anypony can stop your great escape it would be her. Better luck next time Spike.

From the door across the hall on the left, you can hear the hoof steps of Applejack. She was always early to rise, and had the stamina of 10 mares. . . not that it was an issue for a stallion such as yourself. Quickly trotting down the hall you hear her door open behind you. Without a second thought you use your magic to open the door to the foal's room and shut it behind you.

In front of you are 3 fillies and 2 colts, the first additions to your herd. As long as none of them wake up you won't be caught. You listen as Applejack trots to Pinkie's room, probably looking for you. Next you hear her approach Twilight's room. At least she's hunting me down quietly.

You watch as the sun's rays from the window get closer and closer to Twilight's sleeping filly. Behind you the hoof steps of Applejack stop in front of the foal's room. please Celestia, don't let her check in here. The hoof steps continue to the next door. Thank you Celestia, remind me to send you an extra Hearth's Warming Eve gift this year.

You listen intently to guess how far away Applejack is, when you hear a filly stirring. With the bright sun in her eyes, Midnight Sparkle begins crying. Y tu Celestia? With not a moment to lose, you open the door and leap over the railing to the first floor. You barely manage to cushion your fall with magic, as you hear more crying and hoof steps from upstairs. The door is right in front of you, but it's plainly visible from the foal's room.

The only way out is the back door, past her room. Luckily for you, it takes an act of Celestia to wake that mare up. She is into mares and stallions, which is great lest her voracious appetite drain you of your stamina. Everyone has limits. Carefully you make your way towards the back door, looking to your left to see 2 passed out mares. One sports a rainbow mane, the other an electric blue mane. The floor is littered with bottles. Note to self, have a talk to Dash about her drinking when she isn't hung over or in heat.

Walking forward you hit a bottle you hadn't seen due to your, shall we say "interest," in the two passed out mares. With a loud clinking, it ricochets off several other bottles. Your heart stops, but with the crying and shuffling upstairs nopony seems to notice. You slowly open the back door with your magic, levitating the bottles out of the way. You freeze as you hear a humming that could only be Fluttershy. She must have gotten up early to feed the animals.

Without thinking you dive into Dash's room and slam the door. Just like you expected the 2 mares are too drunk to wake up from the noise. You hear Fluttershy expressing her disappointment at all the stray glass bottles rather politely, as she cleans them up.

Realizing you are now in a pitch black room, full of glass bottles and DJ'ing equipment you do what any sensible stallion would do. With a hoof you flick the light switch so you don't kill yourself trying to walk to the window. It only takes a second to realize your mistake.

Like any good house built in Equestria, each room has outlets controlled by the switch next to the light switch. You never understood why, except so somepony can accidentally turn the power off when your busy. In this case, that switch was connected to a subwoofer, several speakers, and a mixer deck. Slamming the switches back down, you manage to silence the music after only one ridiculously loud 'wub'. Locking the door, you sigh and do it the hard way.

You don't know which switch is the light and which the stereo is hooked up to. With nothing but some magic from your horn to illuminate your path, you begin trudging through bottles to the far window. The constant sound of glass bottles clinking into each other is interrupted by a groan and another horn lighting up the room.

"Sup, you come to get a little of the action Dash is always talking about?" Vinyl looks straight at you with a predatory grin.

Taking your sudden loss for words as an invitation, as if that rough and tumble DJ would wait for one, she pounces on you. In your current distracted state your unable to maintain the light spell you had been casting, or cast anything else for that matter. There is a very horny unicorn keeping you pinned to the ground. You flail around, bottles clinking wildly as you try to claw your way out.

The lights flip on. A hungover cyan pegasus looks over to see her mare friend and husband engaging in a rather intimate act. Her sense dulled by the hangover, it takes Dash awhile to put two and two together, almost giving you time to explain.

"Wait, this isn't what it looks like! I just wanted to go for a walk and uh... get everypony muffins!"

"Oh, so you weren't trying to steal my marefriend and sneak out of the house without feeding and changing the babies? After all, the big strong stallion should have to pull his weight around the house too. Isn't that right Vinyl?" Rainbow Dash looked at the DJ and you saw that look. You know, the look mares use to say something without saying it out loud.

"I think somepony needs to be punished Dash." It doesn't take a genius to figure out what a mare like Vinyl has planned.

"I agree, and then we'll let the rest of the gals know what our brave stallion was really up to this morning while they did the chores!" Rainbow Dash began pulling restraints out of the closet and Vinyl cast a familiar silencing spell on the room.

If there was any blood left in your brain, you'd cast a teleport spell and get out of here. It's becoming rather hard to focus breathing in all the pheromones. With a sigh you resign to your fate. As if chores, 5 babies, and 6 wives wasn't enough, you were now trapped with 7 mares in heat.

This was going to be one of those days.

Author's Notes:

Like most of my short stories, when I get a story idea lodged in my brain I make a quick one shot. In this case I got the idea into my head, "if you could marry the entire mane 6, is that really a good idea?" At first I thought 'time of month' but then I remembered ponies go into heat, and that could be just as terrifying right?

I don't know man, but it keeps me up at night.

*edit, Sep. 12th - I remember back when I refused to write clop. I was so naive back then.

11. A Slice Of Haiku :: Fun Concepts.

The sun rose up high
guided by Celestia
waking up Twilight.

Rolling over once
burying her head deeper
she was up all night.

Star swirl the bearded
was an intriguing subject
for late night study.

Was it two or three?
her eyelids sagging so low
admitting defeat.

Her head hit the desk
Bringing the world back to light
it was time for rest.

Admitting defeat
she had climbed into her bed
for a fitful sleep.

Now clinging the quilt
she blocked out the cruel sunlight
to ease her fatigue.

Spike trotted past her
wise not to disturb her rest
he went to get food.

Warmly snuggled up
she could stay here all day long
but she was not Dash.

Fifteen minutes more
half an hour was the worst case
and she would awake.

With one final dream
of a Rainbow Factory
and a yellow shed.

"Wow that was quite weird
I should not eat before bed"
was all Twilight said.

To perturbed to sleep
she decided to get up
and find some coffee.

With a clop of hooves
down twenty-two wooden steps
she reached the ground floor.

Into the kitchen
Twilight trotted and could see
a horrific sight

Spike had forgotten
to go to the marketplace
and buy coffee beans.

Sweet Celestia,
what have I done to deserve
a horrible fate?

Author's Notes:

I wanted to see
if I could write stories in
the form of haiku.

Take that Zecora
you've got nothing on me dear
return to your hut.

12 Typoglycemia :: Fun Concepts

Tgwiihlt Slkprae sat in fornt of the fpalierce wtih her fndeirs and Spkie. "So, taht's why I tinhk Celtseia is bset pnoy, how auobt you Rbnoaiw Dsah?"

"Wlel oviobsuly it's Srtfipie, Cipaatn of the Wondlberots! She is asmlot as fsat as me, in fcat she panelslroy itneivd me to tehir ttroyus ltear tihs yaer. It's gonig to be so awoemse! I can purtcie it now, soinrag tgruohh the sikes, a rbaoinw preices teuhndr cluods, and a ginat snioc rbooinam!"

"Ugh taht's so oivbous." Rtariy reolld her eeys at the psirtmaic pnoy. "Clelary you've neevr been to a clnoeartt fsiahon sohw. Hioty Ttioy is the bset pnoy, he lvies and bhtraees fosaihn. His wentir lnie of cihnotlg atesobully aamezd erveopyny! I catered oevr hlaf of tshoe dessres for him."

"um... I thnik Big Mascnitoh is bset pnoy." Ftherstluy bluehsd, and hid bihend her fwnilog pnik mnae. Fshttlurey had a cusrh on the lgrae red soaitlln for mohtns, hwevoer she was ariafd to aaopcrph him.

"I tnihk Droscid is bset pnoy! I jsut lvoe his vicoe, and the coaoclhte rian, and now taht we romfered him, he pisermod to aalwys add wipehpd caerm wehn he mkaes it rian! And taht deep vioce, it caonmdms reecspt! Lkie smoe knid of msiichevous diety form aegs psat. Puls cadny cnaes, splarasriala, slrkpaes, blolonas, cftetnoi, and ccukapes! And he bhogut me a new ptray cnnaon!" Piinke Pie kpet bunnicog aurond the room lnsitig the mnay awsoeme tirats of Dscriod, wihle the oehtr penois irnegod her.

"Wlel I rokcen Lnua is bset pnoy. Tehre ain't neevr been a pnoy taht has wkored so hrad to ccreort her mitaesks. Eevr scine we datfeeed Nthgmirae Moon, she has wokred day and nihgt to rdeeem hreslef. Taht's mhgtiy abdiramle."

"Eovenyrpy is wnrog. Rtriay is bset pnoy. Taht biutfeual bule mnae, toshe clurs, tsohe cruvy fanlks and taht polt--" Skipe was iptunerrted by Tgiwhilt siikcntg a hoof in his motuh.

"Ha ha. Skipe, you are eaasmrnbrsig yeouslrf aagin. Slily dorgan, aalyws jkonig aoubt yuor uh... fanlk." Thilgiwt girennd sihelpehsy at Rtiary, who was scutk bteewen fleetatrd and cnousefd at the draogn's biorlnrede lwed cmmneots.

"Tohu are all wrnog! Cellray the bset pnoy is Siinnhg Amorr. Had my sitesr not itenrvened, I wuold hvae bnihesad Cdenace and teakn him as my hnsbuad!"

Eeyprvony gpeasd at the univeintd gesuts sinntadg bhenid tehm. Cleietsa bkore the akrwawd scenile. "Epnvoyery is bset pnoy. I lvoe all of my ltitle pnoies the smae."

Ctlieesa leaend dwon to Tlhwiigt's ear and werpihsed. "You csohe wlel Tigiwlht Skprlae. Had I not been yuor chicoe for bset pnoy, I wulod hvae snet you bcak to mgaic kdenerargitn."

Unscrambled version (in case the trick didn't work. It did start as an email joke/hoax after all. It isn't a well-studied field of neurology yet.)

Twilight Sparkle sat in front of the fireplace with her friends and Spike. "So, that's why I think Celestia is best pony, how about you Rainbow Dash?"

"Well obviously it's Spitfire, Captain of the Wonderbolts! She is almost as fast as me, in fact she personally invited me to their tryouts later this year. It's going to be so awesome! I can picture it now, soaring through the skies, a rainbow pierces thunder clouds, and a giant sonic rainboom!"

"Ugh that's so obvious." Rarity rolled her eyes at the prismatic pony. "Clearly you've never been to a canterlot fashion show. Hoity Toity is the best pony, he lives and breathes fashion. His winter line of clothing absolutely amazed everypony! I created over half of those dresses for him."

"um... I think Big Macintosh is best pony." Fluttershy blushed, and hid behind her flowing pink mane. Fluttershy had a crush on the large red stallion for months, however she was afraid to approach him.

"I think Discord is best pony! I just love his voice, and the chocolate rain, and now that we reformed him, he promised to always add whipped cream when he makes it rain! And that deep voice, it commands respect! Like some kind of mischievous deity from ages past. Plus candy canes, sarsaparilla, sparkles, balloons, confetti, and cupcakes! And he bought me a new party cannon!" Pinkie Pie kept bouncing around the room listing the many awesome traits of Discord, while the other ponies ignored her.

"Well I reckon Luna is best pony. There ain't never been a pony that has worked so hard to correct her mistakes. Ever since we defeated Nightmare Moon, she has worked day and night to redeem herself. That's mighty admirable."

"Everypony is wrong. Rarity is best pony. That beautiful blue mane, those curls, those curvy flanks and that plot--" Spike was interrupted by Twilight sticking a hoof in his mouth.

"Ha ha. Spike, you are embarrassing yourself again. Silly dragon, always joking about your uh... flank." Twilight grinned sheepishly at Rarity, who was stuck between flattered and confused at the dragon's borderline lewd comments.

"Thou are all wrong! Clearly the best pony is Shining Armor. Had my sister not intervened, I would have banished Cadence and taken him as my husband!"

Everypony gasped at the uninvited guests standing behind them. Celestia broke the awkward silence. "Everypony is best pony. I love all of my little ponies the same."

Celestia leaned down to Twilight's ear and whispered. "You chose well Twilight Sparkle. Had I not been your choice for best pony, I would have sent you back to magic kindergarten."

Author's Notes:

I hope you enjoyed my abuse of an oddity of how our minds percieve written language. The majority of people should be able to read this at the same speed as unscrambled text. Some people can't, and I don't know what the percentage is. I only found one scholarly article related to this phenomena. Maybe your minds aren't a tangled mess of neurons like the rest of us mere mortals :)

see this scholarly article on our ability to read words scramble in various ways.

Also on the off-chance your a die-hard fan of my random short stories, I haven't written as many for two reasons: Sanctuary, and Scootaloo the Fugitive. Now that I have 2 projects, I have fewer random story ideas pop into my head. I will continue to add chapters as ideas come to me, and I have written down everyone's suggestions to add more next week.