Original Link:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/13FfFW9ClMgFOBkhQpubiPldf4opxcLr3Zp36G5FvFZc/edit?usp=sharing

Again, they were running. Away from one place, heading to the next. Twilight’s eyes were wide open, constantly thinking about how little time there was to act. She didn’t even look around and just aimed straight for the Ponyville hospital. Fluttershy was just the same. It seemed like only Derpy was actually questioning what just happened.

“Hey. Twilight. That demon… It looked awfully familiar, didn’t it?” the gray mare wondered.

“Yes. We know, Derpy. And you are right. It’s really her. Despair is back,” Twilight replied, her focus still fixated on the road ahead.

“But… How can she be back?! I saw her getting consumed by Obsidian! There is no way she could have survived that!” Derpy asked in disbelief.

“It has something to do with the bond I have with her. I don’t really know myself. But apparently, as long as I live, consuming her won’t be enough to stop her,” the purple mare explained.

“Then what was all this about? Why was she even here? She clearly was strong and skilled enough to catch all of us off-guard. Why didn’t she use that moment?” Derpy questioned.

At first, Twilight tried to come up with a swift explanation so she wouldn’t have to think about that anymore. But the more she thought, the more her pace reduced, until she finally stopped fully. Then, she lowered her head and placed a front hoof on her face.

“To make us chase after her. I’m so stupid. She is trying to keep us in stress and tension so we stop thinking and just act blindly. Maybe there is an ambush just outside of Ponyville, waiting for us to rush right into. Thanks for snapping me out of it, Derpy. I’m starting to lose myself in this mind game,” Twilight answered.

“My pleasure,” the gray mare responded with a grin.

“But what about Crystal Blossom?” Fluttershy started. “What about Canterlot? It still is true that Black Widow is unguarded right now. Should we just let Despair get back to her?”

“I don’t know. But the worst thing we can do is to act just like Despair wants us to act. I think Crystal can handle herself for a while, but we really need to be careful about our next actions. Applejack is still unconscious and just leaving her behind unguarded is a really bad idea. We can’t be certain that we got all cultists around here. Let’s just get back to Rarity and tell her what we found out,” Twilight suggested.

“Sounds good to me. I still need to recover anyway,” Derpy agreed.

---

When the group returned, they found Winona lying at the bottom end of Applejack’s bed. It seemed like the doctors and nurses made an exception to let her in, since she had no other place to go to. After a small conversation, they all agreed to disregard chasing after Despair or Black Widow for a while and guard Applejack instead. They just couldn’t leave her behind like this, not knowing if she would make it or not. What if she woke up while they were gone? She would feel left behind, abandoned by her closest friends. This would be the final blow and in contrast to before, nopony would be there to stop her from committing suicide this time.

It didn’t take long for the mood of depression and paralyzation to return in the hospital room. Hours of silence passed, since none of them had any idea what to talk about. The unconscious orange mare and the beeping of the devices connected to her were a constant reminder of her critical situation, only causing further depression and silence in the room.

The day passed by and all that happened was that Derpy was given a new glass eye. Another day followed, just as eventless as the former. Nothing changed about Applejack’s condition. With every hour that came and went, it became more and more unlikely she would survive. Barely ever had Twilight and Rarity felt so helpless before. There was nothing they could do but sit idly, yet they precisely knew they had to hurry. Not only did Applejack’s chances dwindle with each day passing by, but also Equestria’s.

“What are we going to do, darling? How much longer should we wait? There is a war raging outside and we might be the only ones capable of ending it before it is too late,” Rarity wondered.

Twilight sighed and hung her head. She had to make a decision even much harder than overthrowing her peaceful nature.

“The time is almost over… Let’s give it two more days. If she hasn’t woken up by then, it is too late to save her anyway…” she spoke in a depressed tone.

“Man… this is tough stuff… I’m so sorry for all of you. Having to let go of a dear friend... I know how this feels,” Derpy commented.

Fluttershy was sitting on the floor, caressing Winona. But as the gray mare finished speaking, she rose her head and glanced over to her.

“You have been through this before yourself?” she wondered.

“Yeah… It’s kinda how it all started for me. The whole reaper thing,” Derpy responded, lowering her glance with a neutral expression.

“Um… you know… My mentor suggested that I should ask you how you became a reaper and right now, we have nothing to talk about anyway. So… Would you maybe tell me your story… If you don’t mind?” Fluttershy requested carefully.

This caused Derpy to lift her glance again and smile widely.

“Hehe. Getting all insecure suddenly, Fluttershy? Don’t you worry. I’m long over this. Well, sure! I can tell you my story!” she responded happily, then looked over to Twilight and Rarity. “What about you two? Do you want to hear it, too?”

“Sure. I badly need something to get my mind off right now,” Twilight agreed.

“Go ahead! We are listening!” Rarity stated with a small gesture.

“Alright!” Derpy spoke, then sat down to the ground, placing her right front hoof on her chin and gaining a thoughtful expression. “Hmm… Where to start… Ah, I guess I’ll just go from the beginning. You see, I was actually born in Hoofington, working at the local magical library. Back then, I had a different name. My actual name is Ditzy Doo. Derpy Hooves is a nickname I was given for my clumsy acting, but it turned into the only one ponies remembered of me over the years. Anyway, out of boredom, I sometimes read through some books that caught my eye. That’s also how I discovered rune magic and got my cutie mark later.

“Well. One day, a young stallion walked up in the library and asked for some strange books… Don’t really remember what they were about. So, he kept showing up from time to time and since we often ended up talking a lot more than we should in a library, we soon became friends. He said he was a traveler and could tell me a lot about the many different places in Equestria. But he always was a bit secretive when it came to his job.

“That was until one night when I was delivering a few books to another library. Two guys were threatening me with knives on the train. Then suddenly, my friend showed up and just sliced them in half with a scythe. You can imagine how shocked I was. Well, that’s when I found out that he was a reaper apprentice.

“For a couple of weeks, we just stopped talking completely afterwards. I just didn’t want to deal with a pony who kills other ponies for a living. It nearly broke our friendship. But in the end, I came around and we became even much closer friends than before.

“Well, to skip the boring stuff, a few years passed and one day, he came too late for a picnic. When he finally showed up, he looked really scared. He told me Celestia ordered him to a very dangerous mission and that there would be a chance he would not survive it.

“Of course, I instantly offered my help and promised I would do everything I could. Well… next thing, he made me promise something that changed my life forever. In case we would get trapped and only one of us could get out alive, I would have to perform the Tradition with him so the demons wouldn’t get their claws on him. That was his worst nightmare: Getting captured by the demons and tortured into complete insanity.

“So… yeah… You can guess what happened next. Like he predicted, we ended up being cornered. He took a few pretty bad hits for me and couldn’t make it out on his own. He reminded me of the promise I made and… yeah… As you can see, I kept it. After all we had been through, I just couldn’t let it end for him like this. I owed him this favor.”

“Wow…” Twilight started. “That all sounds so familiar… Obsidian asked me for something very similar back then… Just… I couldn’t do it…”

“Hey, don’t blame yourself, Twilight. Nopony is blaming you for that. I know, I’m not exactly the oldest and wisest reaper… but I also learned a few lessons in the last seventy years: This world isn’t just clearly right or wrong, good or evil, black or white. Some things are just like my coat color. Gray. And things like the Tradition are just the same. Some ponies do it, some ponies don’t. Its a gray decision, so don’t be too hard on yourself,” Derpy explained.

“Alright… Thank you,” Twilight replied with a small sigh.

“Anyways, I think you are one great friend, Derpy,” Rarity started. “By far not everypony would go this far for friendship.”

“Hehe. Well, I do what I can, right?” the gray mare stated.

The only one who didn’t give a comment was Fluttershy. Derpy’s story had quite an impact on her. It was so similar to hers. She, too, decided to perform the Tradition for nearly the same exact reasons.

“Um… how long did it take you?” the yellow mare suddenly asked.

“What, Fluttershy?” Derpy asked back.

“Getting over your loss… How long did it take you?” Fluttershy repeated.

“Oh… Well, a while. Turning into a reaper doesn’t make you cold-hearted, you know. It helped me handling my emotions, but I still had some and keep them even now. I know, there is a huge difference between losing a good friend and a lover, as in your case-” Derpy started.

“Obsidian wasn’t just ‘a lover’. I wanted to start a family with him... I wanted to grow old with him…” Fluttershy tossed in swiftly.

“Eh… bad wording, sorry. What I want to say is: Grief is part of the process and normal. It is a step on the way, but not something you should let yourself get stuck on. You will need to let go, eventually,” the gray mare continued.

“I don’t want to. No… I can’t. I’m doing all this reaper stuff only for him. How am I supposed to go on if I let go of the memories I made with him?” Fluttershy wondered.

“I’m not talking about the memories! Heck no, you don’t let go of them! It’s important to remember your past. But it’s also important to remember to look forward. When you get to the point where you have lived through a few decades, you will come to realize that this world is constantly changing. Friends grow old and die, new foals are born, cities grow and ponies move. Everything keeps going, no matter what. And so should we, the reapers. We need to keep going along with the world. Because life is motion. Because life and death always go hoof in hoof. And because even messengers of death need to walk along with life,” Derpy finished.

“Now listen to that! So much for you and being silly! Those are some impressive words of wisdom!” Twilight commented.

“Eh, really?” Derpy wondered, scratching the back of her head and grinning awkwardly.

“That was gorgeous, darling! I really could see your many years of experience now!” Rarity agreed.

“Well, I guess seventy years is quite some time,” the gray mare responded, then turned back to Fluttershy. “But you do get what I want to say, right?”

“I… guess…” the yellow mare replied, her glance returning to Winona and continuing to pet her.

The smiles suddenly vanished from her friends’ faces again. She had become so strong. She had grown so much. Yet, this was still so very difficult for her.

Rarity and Twilight stepped over to Fluttershy and embraced her. She barely reacted to this, still staring at the family dog, sunken in thoughts. After a few minutes, she stopped petting her and ended the silence.

“Would you… mind if I go outside? Just a little bit…” the yellow mare requested.

“Sure, if you need a moment by yourself. Just be careful out there,” Twilight agreed.

“Okay… Thank you…” Fluttershy replied, slowly getting on her legs and leaving the room.

---

At first, she just walked up and down the corridor outside of Applejack’s room. But then, her path took a different route. She left the hospital and walked back to Ponyville. Already, the atmosphere in this village seemed lighter than it had been before. Ponies actually were walking on the roads again, now that the word of the church’s fall had spread. Wherever she went, Fluttershy was greeted by familiar faces, thanking her for freeing them of the cultists. If only everything would be so easy to overcome.

Not much later, she arrived at the graveyard and aimed straight for Obsidian’s grave. Fluttershy just stood there for minutes, staring at the grave. They made it sound so simple, so easy. Just let go is what everypony recommends her. Just get over it. But how can you get over such a loss? This was what nopony had explained to her, or at least in a way that she could use it.

Fluttershy had lost the most important pony in her life. As he died, so did her future. Now, all that was left for Fluttershy was walking the path Derpy had just described. A path through the dark, watching as the world around her changed and she was left behind. Even if they defeated the BloodClaw Cult… what would that change to her? Derpy was right. The years would come and go. Her friends would grow old and die one day and then, she would be all alone, stuck on this path of death she had put herself on. It would not end before she murdered the last pony in her book of death or a demon would eventually be too strong for her and devour her soul.

Fluttershy had never been a strong pony. She would have stood weak and helpless, limited in her options for the rest of her life if it hadn’t been for Obsidian. Although his soul was pitch black, he became her beacon of hope and strength. He enabled her of doing so much she thought impossible to her. He opened up a whole new world to her. In the end, it all was only to be reduced back on one track she had to go for the rest of her life.

Her glance lowered again. Her head as well began to hang low. Carefully, she placed her right front leg atop the grave. Like this, she stood there for minutes.

“I miss you so much…” she whispered eventually.

It was afternoon, but nopony was around. The few ones who dared to leave their homes all wandered around in the town center. Fluttershy was as her destiny demanded it from her: Alone, surrounded by nothing but death.

Suddenly, a sound filled the air, catching Fluttershy’s attention and causing her to look up again. The miniature copy of the Seven Sounds Bell on Obsidian’s tombstone had just rung. It was enchanted in just the same way as the original was. The melodies it played were supposed to be symbolic. But this was no melody. It was just one tone. A soft and bright one.

Fluttershy stared at the bell, wondering if it would continue to play. Even after minutes passed by, it didn’t. Perhaps it was just the wind which caused it to ring. But there was no breeze.

Finally, she heard hoof clattering behind her. It was Rarity. She was smiling widely, yet crying at the same time as she ran towards the yellow mare.

“Fluttershy! She woke up! Applejack finally woke up!” the fashion diva shouted.

Fluttershy instantly turned around. She was about to start running back to the hospital, but hesitated. Once more, her glance jumped back to the grave and the bell, wondering if this was the meaning of that chime or if it was hinting on something else. Then, she started running back with Rarity.

---

As the door opened, the first thing Fluttershy saw was Twilight leaning her head on Applejack’s shoulder with tears in her eyes. Winona jumped around and chased her wildly wagging tail in circles. Derpy just stood there, smiling warmly. Applejack hardly could keep her eyes open. She was very weak, but awake.

Rarity instantly ran ahead, sitting down next to the bed and holding Applejack’s front leg while crying loudly.

“Oh, Applejack. I was so afraid we might lose you. I’m so sorry for arguing with you so much. I… I just wanted to let you know,” she spoke.

“Wow… Hey there, Sugarcube. That’s alright… Ah really had it comin’ sometimes,” Applejack replied weakly.

Now, Fluttershy started to approach her as well, causing the orange mare to look up.

“Howdy, partner,” Applejack spoke.

“How are you?” the yellow mare wondered.

“Could be doin’ better, Ah reckon,” the orange mare answered.

“At least you are alive. I’m so glad you are awake again,” Twilight commented.

“Yeah… That… I’m… I’m mighty sorry, Twilight. Ah guess Ah just snapped right there,” Applejack apologized.

“It’s all okay, Applejack. I’m just so happy you are still alive,” the purple mare replied, gently holding her friend.

A few minutes passed while Applejack struggled with her sleepiness and weakness. She still didn’t have much of an expression on her face and just looked very tired. Then, her head turned over to Twilight again.

“So what’s the plan? Are we gonna do somethin’ about the cultists here?” she wondered.

“There is no need to worry about them anymore. We took care of them. The BloodClaw church here in Ponyville is history now,” Twilight responded.

“Really? How did ya do that?” the orange mare wanted to know.

“Well… You see… I… I kind of…” Twilight stuttered, not sure how much she should tell.

“She helped Crystal and me find the church,” Fluttershy started swiftly. “They held Derpy captive in there. After we freed her, we were able to reap the whole church. We could even identify and take out the cultist who is responsible for killing your brother.”

“So ya avenged Big Mac for me…” Applejack spoke, then sighed. “Thanks, Sugarcube. Where is she by the way? Crystal, I mean.”

“She went ahead to Canterlot, making sure we can set foot there without being noticed by the cult instantly,” the yellow mare explained.

“I see…” the orange mare commented.

“Anyways, Nurse Redheart said that they will still have to keep you here for a while. But don’t worry. We won’t let you down,” Twilight started, lifting her head and looking at her friends. “Rarity, would you like to quit the investigation and stay with Applejack?”

“Actually… Ah’d prefer it if y’all keep goin’. Ya still need to stop those damn cultists, don’t ya?” the orange mare wondered.

“Well, yes. But we simply can’t leave you hanging right now! Not after what you have just been through!” Rarity explained.

Suddenly, Applejack became silent and her eyes lowered down to her body. After a while, her expression slipped into sadness and she started crying quietly, causing Twilight and Rarity to look at her in shock.

“Ah’m sorry. Ah’m such a big burden for y’all. Ya don’t deserve havin’ to deal with me right now,” Applejack spoke.

“What are you talking about, AJ?! You are not a burden! You are our friend! We gladly stay by your side, even if you are not doing well at the moment. That’s what friends are for!” Twilight tried to reason.

“Yeah, but…” Applejack started, trying to gather herself again. “I’ll be honest with ya. Thing is… Nothing really changed. Mah family is still dead. Everythin’ Ah had got crushed by the cult.”

“We are here for you, darling. We will help you, no matter what,” Rarity stated.

“That may be so, but… Ah haven’t changed mah mind. Sure, ya saved me back then and I’m glad ya did that for me. Ah wouldn’t want to go that far when I’m not actually in control… But that doesn’t mean Ah suddenly have a reason to keep goin’ still…” the orange mare explained.

The more Applejack spoke, the more her inner tension started to resurface. She slowly began to shake again while her eyes turned bloodshot and her pupils shrank to dots. The shock was clearly written in Twilight’s and Rarity’s faces. They thought Applejack was back to her usual self. But she still was under the influence of Maledictum Insania.

“Ah won’t lie to ya… Next best given opportunity, Ah’d do it again. Just this time, I’d make sure nopony stops me,” Applejack finished.

“But… But Applejack… Y-you… You can’t do this. This is not what your family would want. Big Macintosh as well would do whatever he could to stop this from happening to you,” Twilight spoke while the tears rolled down her face.

“Yeah… But thing is: Big Mac is not around anymore. None of mah family members are still around. What am Ah supposed to do now, Sugarcube? Just go on as if nothin’ ever happened? Ah can’t do it anymore… Ah don’t have the strength left,” the orange mare explained.

“Well, that’s exactly the point, Applejack,” Derpy suddenly started. “You are the last Apple alive. If you die, your bloodline becomes extinct. I can understand that you don’t want to deal with all this anymore, but think about everypony else. Suicide is one of the most painful things to take in for everypony caring about you. Do you want to hurt your friends like that? Do you want to confirm the cultists in what they are doing? Is this really how you want it to end?”

It seemed like this had impact on Applejack. The idea of confirming those monsters who did this to her was an atrocity to her. For a bit, she became silent, only to slip back into tears moments later.

“Nah… I never wanted it to be like that… Ah had mah dreams and hopes, ya know? But they’re all crushed now. Ah… just don’t know how to go on at this point ‘n’ time anymore,” she explained.

It became silent in the hospital room. Nopony knew what to say or do anymore. They all just sat there with tears in their eyes. They stopped Applejack from committing suicide, they protected her from a cultist attack and she even woke up again, even though the odds were bad. But despite all this, it seemed like they would still lose their friend.

Ten minutes of silence passed. Ten minutes in which everypony had no idea what to do next anymore. But ultimately, it was Applejack who broke the silence with a sigh.

“Ah still think y’all need to get goin’. Stop the cult. Please. Even if Ah can’t join, ya need to stop the cult at any cost necessary,” she requested.

“But what about you? If we leave you…” Rarity wondered.

“Ah… need some time to think about it all. Ah can promise ya that Ah won’t take the next best opportunity to kill myself and ya can leave Derpy here to make sure of that. But Ah also want y’all to promise me somethin’ in return,” Applejack requested.

“Of course. Anything. Just say what it is,” Twilight responded swiftly.

“I need y’all to promise me that, whatever I decide to do in the end, y’all accept it and not try to stop me. That mostly means that if Ah wanna die, ya let me. This is mah life and mah body. Ah’m the only pony allowed to judge over both. Ah just need to know that I have yar support, no matter what. That’d mean a lot to me,” the orange mare spoke.

“You… honestly want us to agree in letting you die the next time it happens?” Twilight questioned.

“If that’s what it’ll all come down to, then I’ll do it. Ya can try to stop me, but I’ll try it over and over again until Ah succeed. That’d be my final decision and nothin’s gonna change mah mind. It would just make everythin’ a lot easier for me if Ah knew y’all would be okay with it and able to move on. Ah know, this might just be about impossible to accept. But the last thing Ah wanna do is cause even more pain to mah friends. Just… Just please… Do this for me. Promise me y’all accept my decision, no matter what it’ll be,” Applejack begged.

This was hard to take for all of her friends. Even considering to make this promise felt so incredibly wrong. But this was, as Derpy would describe it, a gray decision. Agreeing would be wrong, just like disagreeing would be wrong. After all, they didn’t want to rob Applejack of her freedom to die or do with her body whatever she wanted to.

“Okay, Applejack. I’m doing this for you. Everything that will help you, even if it breaks my heart. I promise to you that I will accept your decision, no matter what it will be,” Twilight finally decided.

“I… I can not believe I am actually saying this… But… Yes. I promise it, too,” Rarity spoke while crying.

“Me, too,” Fluttershy spoke quietly.

Now, Applejack smiled weakly, though she still had tear trails and bloodshot eyes.

“Thank y’all so much for that. Ya can’t imagine what a huge relief that is for me,” she spoke.

“Derpy… Would it be okay if I ask you to stay here and watch over Applejack?” Twilight asked while sniffling.

“I was just about to say that I’ll do it, no problem. I will talk to Applejack and see if we can find out together what would be best for her, from the perspectives from a pony, as well as from a reaper,” the gray mare replied.

“Thank you a lot for this… So… I guess we will be heading to Canterlot then… If you ever want to talk to us, you can send a letter anytime. I will respond as quickly as possible,” Twilight offered.

“Thanks, Sugarcube. Good luck. Give those bastards a good beatin’ for me,” Applejack replied.

“Will do… Goodbye, Applejack,” Fluttershy finished.

One by one, her friends embraced Applejack. Then, they picked up their saddlebags, opened the door and left with tear-soaked faces.

The clattering of their hooves had already vanished in the distance when Applejack looked around the room. Winona was right next to her, staring at her with her loyal little eyes. Derpy sat on the other side of the bed, showing a neutral expression.

“Where’s mah hat?” she wondered.

“Right here,” Derpy responded, then stood up to pick up the hat and handed it to Applejack.

“Thanks. Ah don’t quite feel like mahself without it,” the orange mare explained.

“So, what were your dreams and wishes about?” Derpy wanted to know.

“Well… Ah never really told anypony about mah biggest dream before. But, actually, Ah always wanted to…”