My Saturday, after cleaning up and getting dressed, officially began at breakfast with Gabriel and Saul. The communal dining area, even at five o'clock in the morning, was abuzz with activity from the kitchen. By the time I arrived at seven a good amount of the food had already been served to the residents that were much early risers than me. Still, there was quite the selection even after all of the "good" stuff had been taken.

And by good stuff, I mean "meat." Actual bacon, sausage, chicken, steak, chicken-fried steak, you name it it was there. One of the residents was apparently a chef that voluntarily provided some good ol' fashioned Earth cooking and made things before the regular kitchen hours based on requests and the amount of money that was put into the tip jar. Importing food came at a premium since butcheries were pretty nil when it came to ponies. Strangely enough eggs were plentiful, but they were usually served Equestrian style: hard boiled.

Considering that its only been a week since I arrived I've yet to really be that desperate for non-pony-friendly dishes just yet, so I haven't felt the need to get into the thick of the rush. Which meant the faint wisps of fried or grilled meat was all I could manage before the pony-offending odors were aired out.

Unlike Gabriel and Saul, who awoke later than I did because they been out late last night enjoying what Neighagara Falls had to offer after dark, I was feeling relatively refreshed. That's also something I can skip for now, all things considering. Seeing the two of them as haggard and lethargic as they were when they walked into the dining area, I definitely was alright with not going out last night. Kerri apparently had a wilder time than his friends so he wasn't in shape to wake up with the others.

After grabbing what the Super's wife had prepared and getting a seat at one of the several empty tables in the cafeteria-like setting, I learned that the others had planned to go on a trip to Fillydeliphia right after breakfast and do some sightseeing. Of course obviously, their plans had changed.

And so over apple toast and oatmeal with a side of orange juice and/or milk, the three of us got to talking about our time here in Equestria so far.

The three of them were busy hard at work trying to adapt human technology and Equestrian magic in Manehattan. Both Saul and Gabriel worked with computers while Kerri was a part of management as well as an engineer of some sort. They had all known each other in grad school, however Saul and Gabriel went to work for a technology company while Kerri went to a consulting firm after graduation. A few years later when the portal to Equestria was made the three of them ran into each other on the same project to develop the ponies' infrastructure.

"I'm going to go check on Sleeping Beauty." Gabriel said, after looking at his watch.

"Sure thing." "Yup." Saul and I acknowledged while finishing up our food

"So how have things been with you, Matt?" Saul asked me to break the silence, the dark lines of a tattoo peeking out on his right shoulder underneath his shirt. "Enjoying work at the bank?"

"It's been really strange and exciting." I answered truthfully in as vague a manner as possible. "How about y-..."

The door slammed open and we both turned to find Gabriel looking shell shocked and unsteadily he returned to his seat. Saul frowned and watched his friend in concern. "You look spooked. What happened?"

Before replying Gabriel drank the rest of his mug, downing it in a single gulp. "Well, it's finally happened." Gabriel bemoaned, rubbing his eyes. He slumped on his chair shaking his head. "Kerri's finally 'ridden the pony'. Or, would it be 'was ridden by'?"

"What? Are you for real?" Saul gasped. The two of them had been joking with me earlier this morning about how Kerri was quite keen on permanently staying in Equestria, trading in the work visa that pretty much all the humans here had for legal residency before it expired.

"Yeah. I saw it with my own two eyes when I went to wake him up just now."

"That's sick." Saul said, shaking his head slowly. "Don't you think, Matt?" The both of them looked at me, putting me on the spot.

"Uh, yeah." I nodded and gulped, not able to really feel as persuaded of my own words as I made it seem. "Sure is." I quickly stabbed the final piece of toast on my plate and popped it into my mouth, then took as much time as I could to chew and then drink my own cup of coffee.

Silence reigned in the dining area as both the Super and his wife had stepped out a bit ago, leaving the three of us alone for the moment. "I'm not sure if I can look at him the same way, anymore." Gabriel finally spoke out, dismay plain in his eyes.

"Maybe he was just drunk." Saul tried to suggest, still trying to wrap his mind around the thought.

"No. It's all starting to make sense." Gabriel said, before explaining. "I think I recognized the pony that was with him in bed. Maybe he's even been dating that pony for a while. You know, what's her face...uh..."

Saul look up to the corner of his eye as though the answer was written somewhere on the ceiling, then struck with realization he looked back at Gabriel. "Wait, the peach colored one that he's been hanging around with for a while? The one in 209A?"

"Yeah." Gabriel nodded. "Uh, Spicey Wicey or whatever."

"Haha, Spicey Wicey." Saul let out a derisive laugh.

I looked down at my plate in thought, pretty much nursing a half-empty mug at this point. If they were talking about a peach colored mare, the only one I could think of was Cream Tangerine, a pegasus. She was friendly enough. My first night she stopped by my door to "welcome me to the neighborhood" and wasn't even put off when I was too jet-lagged to appreciate it. Otherwise the only times I saw her was in the main communal building, the few times I've been here. Though from the sounds of it apparently she spent lots of time with Kerri.

It just so happened then that Kerri slowly shuffled in, wearing a bathrobe and walking about with fuzzy slippers on his feet. "Hey..." His voice croaked out to us.

"Good morning there, Seabiscuit." Gabriel said leadingly before drinking a bit of his coffee. He'd apparently recovered enough from whatever he saw moments ago to wear a smirk. "Have a good bucking last night?"

"Huh? What are youse on about?" Kerri groaned, his accent slurred while mumbling out. As he slowly made his way to our table, where a plate of his food, now cold, sat waiting for him he said, "I thought youse already left for Fillydelphia."

I watched as Gabriel and Saul exchanged a glance, waiting for Kerri to take a seat before answering. "We wouldn't leave you." Gabriel began patronizingly, "Especially now since you have an in with the locals."

Kerri busied himself toughing through the apple toast and chewing on the oatmeal. I wasn't sure if he was ignoring them or simply didn't notice their taunting.

"Since we're leaving a bit later, you wanna come along, Matt?" Saul asked me while Gabriel and Kerri had a quiet discussion between themselves on the other side of the table. Gabriel looked absolutely livid while Kerri seemed too tired to care.

Turning back to Saul I shook my head and gave the most polite smile I could. "Uh...sorry...I have work this afternoon."

"C'mon. You can just take off." Saul wore a smile and took of scoop of oatmeal while reaching for a glass of orange juice. "The ponies are all supposed to be happy and shit all the time. The ones me and Gabe are working with can just bother whoever else is working our shift, today. The ones at the bank can do the same thing for you, right?"

"I appreciate the offer, Saul. Thanks." I declined again and set my empty mug onto the table. "I'll see you guys around. Hope you have a good time in Fillydelphia."

"Alright. See ya, Matt." Saul said for the three of them and after we shook hands he moved his chair closer to the others while I walked to the glass doors to get ready for work.

As I was mid-push I heard Gabriel practically shout in a hushed tone, "Aren't you fuckin' married, Kerri? What's your wife gonna say about this when she finds out?"

"Hang on, it's my business what she finds out, so pull your head in, reckon that? It's not like I'll be keeping this a secret. Don't be a pair of stickybeaks."

I didn't dare look back and continued to walk at a brisk pace to my apartment. It wasn't like it was my problem. Plus, I hate getting myself into pointless drama.

--

Chapter 3

The following week passed by without much incident. I managed to go to work without fearing any threat of hoof stomped balls even when I was on the same shift as Giselle. Things remained essentially at a cold silence between me and the pony whenever we passed each other by.

I also had the benefit of not running into Becky, and from the looks of it we were on opposite time schedules until next week. In any case I still had mixed feelings about seeing her any time soon.

I just wanted to clear my head before moving ahead on this Raven whole thing.

On this Saturday morning today my furniture was going to be delivered to my apartment, which I scheduled to coincide with my day off. After missing another "Earth breakfast" I stopped into the communal building only to get a mix of hash browns scrambled eggs with a side of oj, running into Daisey, Daisy and Pete.

I hadn't heard from Saul, Gabriel or Kerri, but at the same time I wasn't in any hurry to find out if they were ok. I exchanged a greeting with Cream Tangerine on my way back to my apartment, which was an especially awkward experience since she was just about to knock on Kerri's door.

Two pairs of pegasi arrived around noon just as the salesperson at the Barnyard Bargains said they would, bringing with them the desk and dresser already assembled. After letting them in to set them furniture where I wanted, a voice brought my attention to the front door. "That's a wrap for today, everyone." He said and the pegasi team left as soon as they heard the announcement. I turned to see a familiar guy with a shaved head approach me. "Small world, huh?" Sam called out with a smile and we shook hands when he got closer.

"This your second job, or something?" I asked, a bit confused seeing him here holding a clipboard which he handed to me. Looking at the sheet attached to the clipboard it was a copy of the order form as well as a confirmation of delivery with the moving company's logo on it. He was supposed to be working for the bank, wasn't he?

"A bit backwards, actually." Sam said, taking the clipboard back after I signed the sheet and he ripped off my copy for me to keep. "Lucky and me are just weekly delivery guys for the bank. The moving business is how we make our living."

"Did someone just mention 'sexy'?" A mint-green stallion appeared in the doorway with my chair strapped to his back.

"Just put the chair where the other guys placed the desk, sexy." Sam chuckled and pointed out the spot with the clipboard, to which the stallion proceeded to unload the chair as directed.

I nodded, understanding a bit more. Considering the lack of the proper infrastructure in Equestria, of which people and Kerri, Saul and Gabriel were here to work on in the first place, the fact that the Neighagara First Bank had a functional computer database at all would mean nothing if the information wasn't updated with the main system back on Earth. Which was why there was a need for "delivery guys." They were trusted to deliver the physical storage devices that contained sensitive customer and bank information between Equestria and Earth. At the moment most places had their own in-house divisions but I wouldn't be surprised if independent companies sprang up in the future.

It followed the same concept as the armor car security people, although like politics, any more detail than that was beyond me.

In any case everything seemed to be settled. And of course, that's when Lucky decided to ask the question. "How'd things turn out with you and Raven?"

"Uh...I'd rather not talk about it..." I replied quickly.

"...alright, say no more." Sam said and slapped my shoulder. "How about instead of worry what happened in the past, we celebrate the present and future by going out for your move-in?"

I blinked, not expecting the proposal. "What?"

Sam and Lucky shared a knowing look before returning to my blank stare. "Guy's night out!" Sam said simply, slapping my shoulder again.

"You can't be serious." Wavering on how to explain my hesitance.

"I'll waive the fee for the delivery if you come."

I narrowed my eyes at Sam. "It's already free. That's why I opted for the desk and chair."

"We won't drink if you don't want to." Sam added and placed his hand over the left side of his chest while raising his left hand. "Scout's honor."

"I bet you were never a scout." I tried to counter, realizing that deep down I didn't want to coop myself up in this apartment after a week of practical isolation.

"Technically it was RCAC," Sam shrugged his shoulders and began walking back to the door. "but close enough."

With the promise of no alcohol, I relented. "...fine." I said. In the meantime my brain tried to figure out what RCAC was supposed to stand for. Maybe it must have been something similar to the ROTC, or Reserve Officer Training Corps, a military thing that a friend of mine back home was going to graduate from this spring.

To my agreement Sam said "Alright, let's go."

"Wait, right now?" I asked, seeing how Lucky made his way out of my apartment to stand on the open air balcony.

"Hell yeah." "Hell YEAH!" Sam and Lucky each replied, making me wonder what they had planned. Then again, as long as there wasn't going to be any drinking, it couldn't be so bad.

---

Walking a few blocks down through town Sam and Lucky took me on a short tour of Neighagara Falls. We walked by Crash and a few of the notable restaurants and bars and even helped a pair of French speaking tourists (Sam did the talking) with directions.

We had a late lunch at a smallish place called "Clydesdale's Cafe," meaning that we had no meat whatsoever--though there were boiled eggs aplenty--and I learned how Sam used to deal with refrigerators before getting into the moving business. While avoiding any topics that could lead to what happened that fateful night after the club, we shared a few stories of our lives back home on Earth.

Sam went to a vocational high school while I told the others about my history degree that got me nowhere and how I started with the bank part-time to pay for tuition and ended up working there fully.

After splitting our bill we walked a few more blocks, talking all the while. I learned that "Boosters" were magical Viagra, though even with more questions appearing in my head as a result, I wasn't all too comfortable following that rabbit all the way down the hole just yet. At about sundown we arrived at a relatively unmistakable building also oddly enough called "Clydesdale's." The building was a fixed-up and renovated officer's club from when Neighagara Falls was a frontier town quite a few decades back. There were still a few battle scars on the side of the building from some sort of soldier rebellion that took place but I didn't completely listen to what Lucky was explaining to me. Apparently some great-great uncle of his took part as one of the rebel leaders who was gelded by the mare who commanded the forces that swept in and defeated them.

Finding out that even the ponies had a history like that made me think "to hell" with the idea that Equestria was always sunshine and roses.

Just like at the dance club there was a large-looking stallion that was posted at the front, however he was neither imposing nor playing the role of a bouncer as he opened the door for us and greeted with a smile, "Good evening, gents." There was also neither a stifling air nor thunder of bass when we walked down the inner corridor toward a second set of doors. Rather, a classy sort of jazz played in the background that matched quite well with the wood paneled walls and finely designed glass chandeliers. Portraits of ponies in uniform (of which the ones in the fanciest-looking armor and uniforms were more likely than not mares) lined the walls with large but stern eyes that seemed to follow you.

Pushing through the second set of doors the smell of cigar smoke wafted into my nostrils, catching me by surprise and making me choke. Completely clashing with the austere mood of the preceding corridor, several sets of gambling tables from cards to roulette to craps caught my eye. A large saloon-like bar was stationed at the far wall and a set of metal kitchen doors swung back and forth constantly as waitstaff streamed in and out with plates and trays both empty and full depending on whether they were headed to the floor or from it. Like the ones forever preserved in the intimidating portraits, many more mares were seen in uniforms however the military theme was made more scintillating and impractical for battle or any attempt to seem "professionally disciplined." The mares wore uniform dress shirts with ties and accompanying hats while women were similarly clothed but with short shorts or sequin skirts.

As the live band played brass-filled tunes both mares and women alike provided smiles and exaggerated struts for the predominantly male clientele seated in booths situated all over. I was simply astounded by the reversal of attitude as though I had just stepped into a club back on Earth.

While I gawked in confusion Lucky did not hesitate to call out to the pair of blue and yellow ponies standing by the front podium with a threesome of very attractive women. "Hey, girls!"

"Hi Lucky!" All of the mares and women seemed to say in unison and shot him a smile the short-haired brunette and the blonde wearing her hair in a tight bun threw an alluring look my way, making me gulp.

"The usual spot, Lucky?" The blue earth pony mare asked before looking between me and Sam. The make up she wore was quite heavy, especially compared to her coworkers.

"Of course! I'll see you there too, right?" He asked while playfully whipping his tail at her rear.

The mare let out a squeaky titter as the yellow unicorn began leading us down the central red carpeted aisle.

Looking from side to side I saw men and stallions alike laughing and drinking and eating all sorts of beer and fried foods. In fact there was a lot of beer. And wine, and shots and alcohol in general.

"You guys are such bullshitters." I growled out, making a sour face.

"What are you talking about?" Sam said as he walked alongside me. "You don't really expect me to stop everyone else from having a good time just because we're not going to drink, do you?"

Hearing that I didn't want to feel like a total idiot and decided to not say the next thing that popped into my head.

We took our seats at a table and after our waitress, a cute little thing named "Cassandra" took our orders for soda, I managed a good look around. Both men and stallions were being attended to by girls of both species. I could only imagine how freaked out Saul and Gabriel would be to see this happening.

"I'm surprised that this sort of place could exist in Equestria. With how gender roles and proportion are so different from Earth, and all."

"This place opened only recently." Sam said. "Maybe a year or so. It was abandoned for a short while when the previous owners didn't attract enough tourists. There were demands by the folks if they couldn't get funding from Canterlot that this would be made into an outpost to protect from Diamond Dog raids but since we've never had any here, that was pretty much deemed unnecessary."

"You know a lot, Sam."

"Thanks, Sunbeam was a tour guide before she got a job at the bank."

Soon curiosity got to me and I asked him, "How did you and Sunbeam meet?"

"Sunbeam and Lucky are actually half-siblings. Their moms were both in the same herd."

Oh. That was a strange place to start. "Really?"

"So when i first came to Equestria, the company I was working for was focused on selling recently innovated fridges that ran on electro-magic. But it folded because of the high costs and newness of refrigerators at the time."

"So you just went and lost your job?" I couldn't hold back my skepticism at first, but then thinking about it, a lot of companies were bound to fail with how many variables that are involved in moving to a new dimension.

"Hey, it happens more than you think. Especially when humans on the whole were granted permission to pass through the portal things have been fluctuating and all over the place. Like i remember a few years ago a tech company was shut down and a whole lot of engineers and tech people lost their jobs. The princess apparently felt bad about it and put a lot of them into the companies that were still running, but that displaced a lot of the other people coming to Equestria looking for a job. It's not like they could send that info through a non-existing internet to stop those guys from coming before it was too late, right?" I simply nodded and he continued.

"So for the people that came to Equestria expecting to find a job, they were provided with money to go back home, or had to find another job. I was with the latter group. You see, one of the few ponies that had actually bought a fridge heard about what happened and took me in. Lucky's sire." And glanced to the stallion in question then returned to Sam.

"I made good on paying him back and at some point Sunbeam thought I was cute enough to ask me out. It was sort of out of the blue. Didn't see it coming." His tone took a moment somber, but still nostalgic manner. Before he passed away he decided to give me his moving company. Said it was a wedding gift, even though we weren't even engaged at the time."

I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand because of all of the cigar smoke floating around and took a quick drink of water. After clearing my throat I couldn't help but ask, looking between the two sitting before me, "Was Lucky alright with that?"

"You kiddin' me here?" Lucky exclaimed as slapped Sam on the back with his hoof, careful not to hit him with his horseshoe, "I couldn't have a better boss and brother-in-law, the cunt!"

"I fuckin' love you too, Lucky." Sam said with a laugh.

Brother-in-law?

Sam read my look and flashed me the ring on his hand. The face I made must have been hilarious because Sam and Lucky busted out laughing. Of course it also must have had something to do with Sam reaching into his pocket and slamming five bits onto the table in front of Lucky.

Thinking on it, I decided to let them know what happened. I guess the cigar smoke must have affected me more than just making me shed a tear or two. "I uh, I woke up naked with Raven and freaked out, basically. Basically freaked out."

Sam remained quiet, listening intently. Lucky looked like he wanted to say something but didn't, choosing to take a long sip of his soda.

I felt a bit better, not being piled on when I said that. "And get this, Giselle is threatening me like some kind of big shot that I messed with instead of Raven." Somehow I managed to laugh at the thought,.

"Giselle? Hmph." Lucky snorted. "Never liked that girl."

"Could be the fact that she shut you down hard, Lucky." Sam said with a laugh before taking a sip of his soda.

The earth pony caught my look. "Giselle's dad is some big shot who works in Canterlot." Lucky explained. "It's actually how Raven managed to get a job there since her and Giselle are so close. Though the girl got to be part of Princess Celestia's staff on her own. We actually went to Earth to celebrate. Haha, I got so trashed."

I nearly choked on my drink mid-sip hearing that. "Wait, Raven works for the princess? The ruler of Equestria, right?"

"One of our rulers, yeah." Lucky corrected me.

"You mean the only one that matters." Sam said under his breath before taking another sip.

The stallion's head whipped to his left and he sent an intense glare to the bald human. "Sam, I love you, bro, but I'm this close to bucking you through the wall. You don't see me ragging on your president, right?."

"Joke's on you. I'm Canadian."

"Like that means something to me." Lucky deadpanned. He turned back to me. "You got straight to ruttin' her without having to talk and get to know each other and all that shit? Fuck if I could be so lucky."

"That's sayin' something." Sam quipped with a smile. Lucky tried to nudge Sam off of his chair with his head but Sam managed to balance himself.

Not wanting to answer his question directly, I decided to try my luck and change the topic, noting, "For a pony you swear like a sailor."

Sam chuckled as he righted himself on his chair. "No, sailors know more than 'fuck', 'shit' and 'bitch'"

"Shut up."

We all took a sip then looked over to a nearby table where a big spender apparently ordered a bunch of drinks.

"Sucks your first real night in Equestria had to turn out the way it did." Sam then said, breaking our group's silence. He clicked his tongue and sighed. "I knew something wasn't right."

"You knew what they were planning?" I asked, wondering exactly how many people Becky had on the know.

"No, I mean, I guess...it's more like I sensed something was up."

I gave a few seconds' worth of staring, trying to figure whether he was shooting straight with me or not. "What do you mean?"

"Well, Raven and Bell Weather had only broken up, like, what, less than a week before?" He asked Lucky. When the stallion broke away from his conversation with a pretty blonde girl taking his order to affirm with a nod, Sam continued explaining. "And she was just downright depressed since then. Apparently he had a herd but never asked Raven to join. They knew about Raven, but she didn't know about them."

"Wait, huh? That's why they broke up?" Lucky shouted out and slammed his hoof against the table. "That fucker. If I see him again I'm gonna castrate him." It's a good thing that the waitress already left since I felt scared by his sudden mood whiplash, and I was sitting a couple of feet away.

"Wow, Lucky," I gulped "Isn't that a bit extreme?"

"No." He growled out with a frown. "Because I'd chop off his wings and feed them to him too if anything really bad happened to her." Lucky downed the rest of his soda and began to chomp down on the few ice cubes that remained in the glass.

Quickly I turned to Sam who wore a sympathetic expression at seeing how comfortable I became. "Lucky's upset because what Raven's ex did went against common pony decency." Sam started to explain. "To not be invited into a herd is one thing, but to be used for sex by a stallion that already has a herd? That's cold, man."

With a shrug I stated, "I don't get it."

"It's like...turning a mare into a stallion's cooler." Lucky added, waving his hooves about as though he were playing charades.

"Ok...uh...what?" I looked again to Sam and away from Lucky who started gnawing on his straw. The unicorn waitress that stopped by with a plate of pretzels and nachos with all the fixin's seemed to find it funny as she refilled Lucky's glass from a pitcher of soda.

"A cooler is a thing mares use to tamp down on their heat, if they don't wanna have foals that season." Sam continued to play the role of my guide as he reached across the table to nab a nacho and dipped it in the accompanying cheese sauce. "Anyways," he said between chews, "Giselle had to stay over in Canterlot for a while to keep an eye on her. And then all of a sudden she's ok to come over the same day you show up?"

I sighed, trying my best not to roll my eyes. "You know, after hearing all of this, I under that's really sad, I'm sure. But what happened to her doesn't excuse what they did to me."

"Wasn't trying to excuse the girls' dumbass plan." Sam shrugged and reached out to pull the plate of food to the center of the table, bringing it closer to my reach as well. "We're only so lucky that you've been such a level headed guy about all of this. For sure the shit-ton of drama that's been happening between you and Giselle would've been skipped if Becky and Raven were just upfront. Which is why I'm happy that Sunbeam was straightforward with me. But I wouldn't put it past Becky that she probably said something that made her think you were up for it."

Well that was just ridiculous.

"Think about it this way," I began to say, "What if I was a girl and she was a guy. You wouldn't brush it off, would you?"

"That's a stupid analogy." Lucky rolled his eyes.

"And what's stupid about it?" I asked with my patience wearing thin. "On Earth, women can claim being raped even when they weren't. Which is all the more messed up for those women that actually were. Because they had drinks pushed on them and they couldn't say no when some asshole decided to have his way with her when they were drunk. Yet when a pony does that to me, which is like a woman raping a man, the man should just go along with it? And not feel used like a woman would?"

"But that's not what happened." Lucky countered, chomping on the last remaining chip between his molars. "You're upset that you fucked Raven instead of Becky."

Well, yeah. Even if that wasn't her intent, wasn't I led on to believe that she wanted something to happen? Or at least, couldn't it be a good enough argument that from my perspective that's what was going on?

"That kind of shit wouldn't fly back home."

"Well, welcome to Equestria, buddy." Lucky spoke out in an irritated tone, "Where the mares see you either as a farming tool or a dick on legs."

"Lucky, stop. You're drunk." Sam chided.

"No, I'm not drunk, Sam. And that's the problem."

Sam shifted on his chair and noticed my scowling. "Tell me. If you're so upset over this, why are still here in Equestria?"

I thought about it, reaching for one of the remaining chips after Lucky practically engulfed the plate to prevent Sam from having any more.

It wasn't like I couldn't just go back. I hadn't burned any bridges to get this job. All it would take was time to ask for a transfer back to Earth, or even find a new job entirely.

But why would I want to leave? Because some punk-nosed pony threatened me? Wouldn't I just be running away with my tail between my legs?

She didn't have the balls to attack me. Literally. I smiled at that for a moment until I saw Lucky's irritated face directed my way. My smile quickly disappeared and I told him, as sincerely as I felt about it, "The thing is, Lucky, I'm a human. It's different for me."

The stallion narrowed his eyes and spat back, "Well sorry for being a pony, asshole."

I blinked at his reply.

That's right...this whole thing started because of that night.

It's not like I'm physically ill, right? There's no transferable diseases that I was stricken with. There have been a few movements as of late but in neither Equestria or Earth are there any laws against interdimensional couples outside of a few select countries. They passed for the usual reasons that people scream about on TV, radio and the internet, a few of which such as the "corruption of institutions" ran almost counter to the actual results. I mean, hell, I'm sitting next to someone who's married to a pony and he doesn't seem like some sort of deviant or freak.

The question remains, however: would I ever have been as upset if Raven wasn't a pony? Or was fat or ugly? But no, that's not what happened either. Fact is Raven is a pony and there's no point trying to come up with a parallel scenario. Because there really isn't any. Enough books and magazines and newspaper articles have been written on the subject of pony/human relationships.

Every side had their say based on what used to be, or what should be instead of what is.

Never read too much of the literature or paid attention to all of the talking points otherwise I would have gotten a humanities degree in philosophy or sociology instead of history. And if I ever really cared about what people did behind closed bedroom doors I would've become a minister like my dad wanted me to. I remember from that one political science class I took that there's no explicit of mention privacy at all in the Constitution.

While Sam continued to calm Lucky down I turned my attention to a brewing scene down the aisle where a pair of Diamond Dogs sat at a booth.

"Holy shit, what are they doing here?" I whispered to myself. Luckily no one heard me.

The raids done by those lumbering dog-things was the very reason why a portal opened up between Equestria and Earth. And yet there was a pair, right here, seated like any normal customer would. While getting looks the two dogs managed to get service, being handed a pair of beer mugs and then offered a large bag of what I assumed was full of bits, in return.

The dogs had an Abbot and Costello look going on, the short pudgy one being a dark muddy brown while the tall leaner one a dusty sort of grey.

The striking thought that remained in my head was that no one, pony or human, really paid them any mind.

"Hey! Who let the dogs in?!" A painfully drunk-sounding voice hollered as a man stumbled his way to where the Diamond Dogs were sitting. Two more humans walked in behind the first, with one of the humans wrapping his arm around the other's shoulders.

A very drunk Gabriel and Saul, plus an uncomfortable-looking Kerri who was trapped in Gabriel's grasp, had just silenced the whole club. "Holy shit." I said out loud this time, garnering Lucky and Sam's attention to what I was staring at.

The patrons, waitresses, bartender, live band...everyone remained quiet and looked over to the three humans standing next to the booth where a pair of Diamond Dogs continued to drink and munched on peanuts.

I looked around. Where are the bouncers? Why is everyone just staring?

"Guys, stop it." Kerri pleaded, sensing everyone's eyes on them.

Gabriel shook him up a bit, ignoring Kerri's weak attempt to break out of his hold. "Hey, we're here to celebrate your new relationship, Seabiscuit!"

"Yeah, you oughta have some fun before the misses finds out, right?"

"It's not what you guys think" Kerri sighed as Saul chugged down the rest of his beer.

"Hey. Dogs. You realize you're not s'posed to be here?" Saul drunkenly mumbled out. Confused, the dog pair looked at each other and then to Saul. Even while seated the size difference was obvious. Even the smaller of the two had at least a hundred pounds on the guy directly acknowledging them.

I looked around again, as everyone remained content to watch. This is ridiculous. I bit down on my lower lip. Does no one care because they're Diamond Dogs?

"So why did you come along, huh?" Gabriel asked Kerri and brought his free hand up to muss up the other man's hair.

"Because you're a pair of dills." Kerri continued to struggle in the drunk man's hold. "Now stop."

"Ha! Good job, bloke."

Just because they're Diamond Dogs, they can be picked on? What sort of fucked up selective logic is that?!

"Hey. Leave them alone. They're not bothering anyone." I stood up and said, meaning the dogs watching our exchange.

"Why should we? They're dogs." Saul snapped out before turning to me.

"Matt? Hey Matt!" Swinging around, Kerri nearly tripped while still in Gabriel's hold as the other drunk man took notice of me, too. "We're just trying to help get rid of these bothersome mutts before they like their friends do a raid here." Gabriel added, still holding Kerri in a tight near-headlock. "Gotta make things safe for Kerri and his second wife to be, right?"

"I'm tellin' ya, it's n-"

"Oh, hush." Saul scolded Kerri and burst out into a laugh. The dogs, despite their size, remained seated with their ears low to their heads.

"That's got to be the most inane...Listen Bulk and Skull, I'm getting real tired of everyone around me drudging up immature high school bullshit. It's not impressive. Go do your street gang stuff somewhere else. You're scaring the girls."

Gabriel threw Kerri out of his hold and stomped over to me.

My feet were frozen to the ground, awaiting some sort of command from my brain that would never arrive. "Fine tough guy, you gonna make us stop?" He asked me while swaying on unsteady feet. His breath reeked of whiskey and beer.

Barely able to contain my trembling, I shook my head. "No...that's...that's not...that's what the police are for."

"And how bad do you think you're gonna end up before they get here, huh? You're not some dog sympathizer, huh? You hear about the kinds of things the dogs are doing? Attacking the poor widdle ponies?"

I had never intended to fight and still don't. If I just explained that we could settle this peaceably, then...

An angry shout from behind me made me jump in surprise. "Yo, you two messin' with my bro?!"

"Lucky, please don't!" Moments after the second voice called out, a blur passed over me as a stallion suddenly flew down to drop kick Saul in the face.

"Oh shit!" He hollered, just as fell to the floor, missing Gabriel by inches.

Before either me or Gabriel could react, Sam ran in to pull Lucky off of the now-unconscious Saul. "Damn it Lucky, I don't wanna be banned from this place again! Where the hell were you aiming, anyway?!"

"They're as full as a boot at the moment, eh?" Kerri laughed out as he picked up Saul and carried him over his shoulder with only a bit of effort. "I'm sure they'll be tossed out of Equestria soon enough. They're daft morons but still my mates, right? Still, sorries are in order and all that."

"Yeah." I said, noticing a blank expression take hold of Gabriel.

"C'mon, I'm gonna get you to bed." Kerri tapped on Gabriel's shoulder and the three of them left as quickly as they had appeared.

In the meantime, five or so girls, ponies and human alike, rushed to the stallion's side, pushing Sam away somewhat. "Lucky, you're so brave!" The nearest pony, a unicorn, exclaimed.

"I know, baby. I know." Lucky replied.

"Are you hurt anywhere?" One of the human waitresses asked, kneeling down so she could better inspect his coat.

"I...don't think so, now that all of you are here."

"Let's get him a seat, hurry!"

I watched in stunned amazement as a stallion as large as Lucky was practically lifted over to an empty couch by the group of waitresses.

"You alright, Matt?" Sam patted me on the shoulder, back from being pushed away.

I responded, broken somewhat out of the surprise. "Yeah...yeah, I think so."

I'll admit it. Looking over at Lucky, surrounded by girls, made me somewhat jealous. He looked over at me and sent a wide grin. "My man, Matt over there! Standing up for everypony like a boss!" He cheered.

I couldn't help but feel even more confused. "Hold up, weren't we mad at each other just a moment ago?"

"After seeing you swing your balls around like that? Not on your life, dude!"

"The fuck?" Was all I could say, tilting my head at the weird sort of logic.

"Yeah, Lucky did the same thing when I fought him over the 'right' to date his sister."

"And you won?"

"No, Sunbeam did. She's the one who asked me out, remember?"

"Heh." I cracked a smile as I went over and took a seat near the group.

Two of the three ponies that were tending to Lucky quickly cantered over to me. One of them, a blue earth pony, even sat onto the couch next to me while the red one was fine with brushing her side against my leg and sitting at my feet. The blue one on the couch next to me laughed and made a fluttering blink with her green mascaraed eyelids. "You were really brave too, Mitch." She said in a very friendly tone.

"Uh, Matt." I corrected the mare, subtly removing both of their hooves off of my lap every time they rested upon it.

"Matt," she began again, "it was so kind of you to stand up like that without fighting. It was really quite admirable."

The other mare was much more upfront about things, leaning onto my lap again and asking, "Are you in any herds, Matt?"

I would have spat out my drink if I was mid sip and immediately raised my hands to give myself some space. "Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute. Listen, you're both very pleasant and kind, but...I just don't swing that way."

"Oh..." The two mares exchanged looks before looking up at me again. "Well we have plenty of stallions and guys here, too. You want to mee-""

"No," Sam said with a laugh, sidling up to the red pony sitting at my feet. "He means he doesn't go for ponies."

"Not on purpose, anyway." Lucky added with a snicker from the other end of the couch. I tried to send a stink eye but to no avail, as the stallion smirked and indulged even more in the attention he was getting.

The head waitress called out to the girls and they left us (a few of them giving slips of paper to me and Lucky with addresses on them). Seeing me reluctance Lucky asked "you using any of those?" and without waiting for my answer he swiped the pair of slips that I was given while Sam laughed and went to our previous table to grab the leftover food and drinks.

Out of the corner of my eye I noticed the Diamond Dogs approach me. Upon standing up, I realized that they were both about as tall as me, if not just an inch or so more. "Thank you for helping us, human." The first dog said, partly growling. I figured that was how he talked as the two dogs muttered between one another as to what they were going to say next.

"Yes. You kind." The other nodded his head after they reached a bit of agreement.

"It's no problem, really. I just found it messed up that you were being treated differently like that." I said, feeling that my reason was a common-sense one.

"Hey Matt," I heard Lucky call over to me, just as Sam came by and offered a few of the remaining chips to the dogs before sitting onto the couch again. "You play your cards right and you might be able to bag both of them."

"Hmmm? What is this 'bag' you speak of, pony?" The second taller dog asked, looking over to Lucky.

While Sam practically choked on his drink, I was fuming and irritated by that stallion's big mouth. "I swear, Lucky, I'm going to kick your ass so hard you'll be pissing rainbows and shitting bits for a week!"

"Oh yeah? How about you beat me in drinking?"

"If it'll get you to shut up, then fine!" I yelled back. It wasn't like I could take on a pony that could drop kick like a ninja, anyways. I was a lot more confident in handling my alcohol, especially if it was against someone half my size and it didn't involve another round of "Boosters."

"Name of the game's 'Graffiti Guzzle Arm Wrestle.' Winner takes a drink and loser gets drawn on with permanent marker."

I blink in surprise, hearing that. "That...sound pretty cool, actually."

"I know, right? Made it up myself! Now get over here, already. You too, Fido and MacGruff. Grab a chair and sit down. Hey, we need a few pitchers over here!" Lucky called out to one of the "friendly" waitresses who scrambled over to the bar after sending me a wink.

"Heh? How you know my brother's name, pony?"

"Lucky guess!"

"And some more nachos!" I heard Sam's voice holler out as well. Very quickly he sat down next to me just as the two Diamond Dogs dragged a pair of chairs to our table, joining us. "I guess I'm your designated cock blocker tonight, Matt." Sam shrugged and slapped my back, figuring he'd be opting for water from here on out.

Author's Notes:

I know, I phoned it in. I'm the worst!