I carefully limped out onto the balcony with my human colt-friend following close behind. I took my place at the center of the structure and sat down. He took the liberty of finding a seat right next to me. Rather than look at him, however, I was gazing into the starry night sky, contemplating the wording of the news I was about to convey to him.

“So… wha’ss up?” Ty asked in a nonchalant tone, although I could hear the fatigue in it.

“A couple things actually..." I uneasily replied. "But first and foremost, I… just wanted to say… I’m sorry…” I guiltily apologized.

“Sorry? For what?” the human inquired in wonder.

“I’m sorry for… for the argument we got into earlier. I shouldn’t have blamed you for everything that happened today…”

“Oh. Don’t sweat it. We’re all under a lotta stress over this Gillian guy. I understand you bein’ a bit upset with me. I shoulda stayed inside like you told me.”

“Yes, but you were only helping out a friend. You had no idea you were going to be taken away in the manner that you were. Plus, he was apparently already searching for us for a while. I suppose it was only a matter of time before he found either you or me."

"True... I could still only wonder what woulda happened if I DIDN'T go t' Fluttershy's house, though..."

"Speaking of… how’d your talk with Fluttershy go?”

“Oh, it was good. I’d like t’ think we cleared at least some stuff up. Although I’m still a li’l bit worried about her…”

“Why's that?”

“This… ‘crush’ thing,” he began, sounding unsure of himself. “I jus’ feel guilty for it. She said she was fine, but after that, she basically blurted out every reason as t’ why she likes me…”

“What…?” I asked in a new-found sense of interest, accompanied with a bit of apprehension. “There’s more behind it than the party?”

“A LOT more…” Ty emphasized. “Long story short, she says she ‘admires me,’ an’ had been admirin’ me since the day we met. The party jus’ kinda… I guess, sparked the ember, I should say?”

“Fluttershy… Poor girl…”

“She’d better keep her hooves off of him! He’s MINE!” I wasn’t sure how to take that. Fluttershy, one of my best friends whom I've known since MY first visit to Ponyville, harbored affection towards Ty…? And had been since HIS first visit to Ponyville?

“Oh…” was all I could muster as I let it sink in that one of my closest friends— FLUTTERSHY, no less— harbored such feelings towards my special somepony of all ponies…

“Yea… I don’t know what t’ say about it either…” Ty concurred as we both began staring into space. After a brief, awkward silence, he spoke again. “All I could tell ‘er regardin’ that is that there’s plenty of other viable suitors out there an’ that it was up t’ her to choose who was right for her…”

“Oh… so… you let her down easy?” I asked, trying not to sound hopeful about my inquiry.

“I… guess I did."

"That's good. Maybe she won't feel too down about her feelings being unrequited, then?" I asked again, still trying to mask my relief.

"Yea... but… I gotta be honest with you... I… I… um…” he faltered on his words as he scratched his head, thus sending my heart sinking.

"...You... what?" I pressed, my brow furrowing a little as I focused my line of sight on the human.

"I... I... kinda... *sigh* gave her a sort of... apology gift..." he vaguely admitted in a tone of guilt. There was only one thing I could figure from his suddenly withdrawn disposition and unclear euphemism...

“*GASP* Oh no…! He kissed her again, didn’t he? I knew it! I knew it was a bad idea to trust them around each other alone!”

“But… why?” I asked, hurt by his shameful confession.

“Why what?” he turned toward me with a look of confusion.

“Why did you do it?” I asked, my anger growing rapidly. “Why WOULD you do it? You know you’re with me. You KNOW I wouldn’t appreciate it.”

“Twilight, please. Let me fin—!”

“No!” I snapped as a huge lump formed in my throat. “You snake! Why did you do that!? How could you!? You both said you wouldn’t! You lied to me!” I buried my face in my fore hooves as I let the tears begin streaming from my eyes. I felt something— his hand— gently placing itself onto my back.

“Twilight, listen t’ me.” He ordered, keeping his cool. “Whatever it is you’re thinkin’ I did, I—!”

“Save it!” I was absolutely livid at this point. Whatever excuse he had for betraying my trust, I didn’t want to hear it. I coldly pulled away from his hand and glared at him with the intensity of an angry Cockatrice. All he could do was stare back in a pitiful display of fear and guilt. “Why don’t you and Fluttershy go and get married since you like HER so much!?”

“What?? Twilight, what is your problem?!” He asked in offense. “Why are you actin’ so bent outta shape all of a sudden?”

“Because you CHEATED on me!!” I shouted so loud that the others could probably hear it. "Wouldn't YOU be bent out of shape if I was in YOUR position!?"

“WHAT!!??” he asked in total shock. I could bet I hit the nail right on the head there. “You’re jokin’, right??”

“Does it look like I’m joking to you, cheater!?”

“*sigh* Okay, how in the WORLD could you POSSIBLY fathom the idea of me doin’ ANYTHING t’ hurt you like that??”

“Oh I dunno! Maybe because you just ADMITTED to it??”

“I ain’t admit t’ anything! You didn’t even let me finish!”

“Why should I bother letting you finish when I know what you were going to finish with!? The damage has already been done!”

“Because you’re accusin’ me of doin’ somethin’ I didn’t do, would never THINK of doin’, an’ have NEVER done! I thought YOU of all ponies would know better than that!”

“Oh, so you WEREN’T going to admit to kissing Fluttershy during your little bonding time with her?”

“What!? No! I was gonna say I ru—!”

“I don’t wanna hear it!” I boldly interrupted. “I… I don’t want to even LOOK at you right now…!” I coldly spat as I turned away and back towards the entranceway, fighting the anger-fueled tears welling up in my eyes. “I’m so upset with you I can’t even see straight…”

“Well you wouldn’t be if you’d just listen t’ me!” He pleaded. “I dunno wha’ss givin’ you such a problem with me that you would even THINK I’d be unfaithful t’ you, but I am NOT gonna sit here an’ let you persecute me like you’re doin’! You’re actin’ like a spoiled, hardheaded little kid right now!” He placed his hand on my back, which sent my frustration with him past its peak. My teeth were clenched hard enough that I might have been able to chew through pure titanium as I lowered my head. “*sigh* Look at me. Listen to me, please...” I don’t know what sense of primordial instinct overtook me in that moment, but whatever the case was, I lost my sense of self-control as I swiftly turned around and swung my bad hoof at him.

*SMACK* Despite the surge of physical pain now coursing through my leg, I found some arbitrary satisfaction in seeing that I’d done damage to him. He placed both of his hands over his nose, staring at me in complete bafflement.

“I’m not going to sit here and listen to you lie and makes excuses about cheating on me! Good night, Tyshawn!”

“Twilight, wai—! *SLAM*” I left that cheater outside where he belonged. I was so distraught over what he did, though…

“How could he…? He promised… He PINKIE promised…!”

“Obviously, he was just full of it when he said he’d never harm me in any way…! I actually can’t wait to see what Pinkie does to him! Yeah… I… can’t… *sniffle* wait…!” With that thought, I marched back into my room, gathering up every last semblance of effort I had left to keep quiet, where I plopped my exhausted body onto my bed. However, it would be a while before I found peace in slumber… I had a lot emotional venting to do…

“God, what the hell got INT’ her…!?” I muttered as I stared at the balcony entrance, appalled at the way she’d just completely lost her temper. I’d still been covering my throbbing nose with my hands and my head was hurting worse than ever, but I couldn't bring myself to go back to sleep. I couldn't even summon up the courage to go back inside where there was a pissed-off unicorn likely sobbing her eyes out over a hasty assumption. I removed my hands from my nose to see that they’d been stained red.

“A nosebleed…? Perfect…” I nasally muttered in frustration as I moved my left hand to cover my nose once again while I wiped the other hand on my shirt. "What a fantastic day THIS has been..."

“Well, I can't say I'd feel comfortable stayin' here tonight… She prolly wouldn't let me anyhow... I need t’ go somewhere… but where…? I’d be too recognizable jus’ strollin’ through town… ahh fuck it. They all saw me anyway.” With that, I got up and dragged myself toward the balcony’s railing, the anger and sorrow over the misunderstanding building up inside of me like a dam about to burst. I looked down to see that the drop wasn't too steep for me to leap off and land safely and hopefully without injuring myself further. I used my sense of judgment to carefully climb over the rail. As I prepared make the small leap towards the ground below, a sudden hooting sound stopped me.

“Wha…?” I murmured. Soon, a small brown owl came soaring from nowhere, hooting sporadically before perching itself on the railing about an arm’s length away from me. “Oh. Hey. You mus’ be that pet owl of hers… Owloysius, was it?” I asked, holding my nose with one hand while the other kept me secure from falling.

“Hoo!” the owl simply said with what I assumed was a quick nod.

“Oh. Well i’ss good t’ finally meet you, I guess…”

“Hoo? Hoo!” the owl cawed once again, pointing a wing towards the entrance to the balcony.

“I’m gonna guess he’s askin’ why I’m not goin’ back in there…”

“…Oh. No, I’m not goin’ back in there tonight. Considerin’ you’re out here, I guess you heard what jus’ happened?”

“Hoo!” Owloysius nodded again, presumably confirming my previous hypothesis about his gestures.

“An’ of course, you understand why I ain’t goin’ back in there… right?”

“Hoo. Hoo Hoo! Hoo!” the owl made more unusual motions, trying to demonstrate some kind of message to me. He pointed once again back to the entrance, followed by flying up towards my face and hooting some more. He made a few confusing signals with his feet (one of which was shaped like a sort of heart) before perching on my shoulder and nuzzling into my face. Finally, he once again pointed towards the entrance before jumping off of my shoulder and landing back on the railing.

“What, you want me t’ try talkin’ t’ her again?”

“Hoo?”

“Twilight. You want me t’ try talkin’ t’ Twilight again?”

“Hoo!”

“Twilight. Y’know, the purple unicorn you li— wait a minute…”

“What the hell am I doin’? I’m talkin’ to an owl. Of course all it’s gonna be able t’ say is ‘Hoo.’”

“…Oh, right. You can’t actually talk… But uh… Yea, I’m not doin’ that; at least not now. I’ll come back an’ talk when she’s in more of a mind t’ listen. Not sure if you noticed, but she’s been a bit crabby lately an’ I quite frankly, ain’t in the kinda mood t’ deal with somebody who falsely accuses people of infidelity an’ gives ‘em nosebleeds,” I dismally stated. “That and I need some time alone t’ think... Whelp, I’m off t’ go find somewhere else t’ sleep. Good night, Owloysius.”

“Hoo!” Rather than listen to any more of what the owl possibly had to say, I carefully turned around and leaped off of the balcony.

*FLOP* I’d landed, but the shock of the fall sent me to my hands and knees, which only served to piss me off even more; especially with how much my arms and legs already hurting.

“Dammit…!” I cursed as I pounded the ground with my tightly-clenched fist. I sat there in my pitiful stupor, feeling bad for what had happened just a few moments ago.

“First that a-hole criminal comes outta nowhere an’ ruined the entirety of today, an’ now Twilight hates my guts for NO good reason… How could she seriously distrust me that much? Nine months down the line… NINE months…! And she chooses to lose her damn mind over an assumption SHE made… but then... I really DIDN'T pick the best way t' tell her I gave Fluttershy a massage... Shoulda jus' spit it out when I had the chance... Even so, I honestly thought you knew me better than that, Twi… Guess I was wrong…” A couple of tears, as well as a few droplets of nose blood, made their marks in the dirt where I’d pounded my fist. A short while later, I stood back up on my feet and staggered into town, holding my messy nose with a hand as I walked. I was hoping that, given the time of night, I wouldn't run into too many of the town's residents as I searched for a new place to rest. However, there was a small amount of ponies still outside during the night that either stared at me or screamed something along the lines of “Monster!” and hurried into their homes and presumably locked their doors tightly.

“Whatever… Be scared.” After a short stint of staggering about the town like the downtrodden drifter I’d suddenly become, I’d run into the minty-green unicorn mare yet again.

“There you are! I’ve been looking all over for you!” announced an excited Lyra.

“Well you found me. Now wha... ha... HATCHOO!!" I sneezed, but managed to contain the majority of my blood from spraying anywhere but on me. "What do you want?” I asked, failing to mask my bitterness.

“Oh… you don’t seem too happy,” she observantly pointed out. “And it looks like you’ve been bleeding… Is there something wrong?”

“Le’ss jus’ say I’m... stranded with no place t’ go,” I offhandedly replied. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I’mma go crawl off somewhere an’ live under a rock for a while.” I stepped past the alarmed green mare and staggered away from her.

“Wait!” she called. I, for no good reason, stopped in my tracks. “Your voice… your accent… Are you… are you Ponder Memoir?”

“Congratulations, you figured me out.”

“…Ty’s my real name,” I admitted, having long lost the ability to care about hiding my identity. With that, I began to slowly walk away from a presumably dumbfounded Lyra, not even looking back at her.

“Well in that case, um… Ty. Are you looking for Twilight’s house? If I remember right, her friends picked you up to lead you there. It’s—!”

“I know where her house is. Tha’ss where I’m comin’ from.”

“What? Why?”

“*sigh* Because she don’t w—!”

*ZAP* “Aaawrgh!” a familiarly excruciating series of burning stings and pricks coursed through my body once again, lasting a good couple seconds. Once the god-awful sensation subsided, I came crashing down on my knees and then my face following immediately after, all my limbs feeling numb.

“We meet again, human,” said a recognizably cocky voice. I managed to lift my head up just enough to see that red-eyed, smug grin of the voice’s malevolent owner. I noticed that his scratches and bruises were healed up.

“Charmed…!” I spat in agony.

“Y’know, we were JUST on our way back to your girlfriend’s house to pick up a substitute. I’m sure by now she’s already told you about the zebra, who’s apparently not at her isolated home in the Forest.”

“Well… Ya got me instead.”

“Indeed. I honestly wasn’t expecting you to just waltz out into the open like this.”

“Shit happens…” I rolled my eyes.

“Hm. No snippy remark? No misguided threats to beat me up?”

“Oh believe me, I… would love nothin’ more than t’ beat you senseless then drag you through town by your spiky black mane for what you did… but as you can see, I’m too weak t’ do any o’ that… So, no. Jus’… do what ya gotta do. Hit me, send me back int’ the woods t’ die again… I won't fight back…”

“Not like I can anyway… I can’t feel my arms or my legs…”

“…Okay, what’s wrong with you? You’re in MUCH lower spirits than before.” He grasped my head and, from the look of shock accompanied by the sudden release of my head, I could tell he noticed my new facial decoration. “Ooh. AND you’ve been bleeding. Recently, too. That blood looks fresh. Something happen?”

“Nothin’ you need t’ worry about. I already know you’re jus’ gonna use me in place o’ Zecora t’ get Twilight. I’m too weak an’ beaten t’ do anything about it… spare me the lip an’ jus’ take me…”

“Nothin’ you could do could be NEARLY as bad as what I figure Pinkie Pie’s gonna do t’ me anyway… Fuckin’ broken Pinkie Promise…!”

“…alright, then. Comet?”

“Sure thing…” with that, I was highlighted in a deep purple glow and levitated into the air before being made to stand up again. My hands involuntarily placed themselves together before being magically bound with rope obtained from the saddlebag Comet was wearing. I could only stare in sadness and contempt as I willingly gave myself up.

“What are you doing!? Why are you jus’ handin’ yaself over?”

“It’s no use. They have me right where they want me. There ain’t a damn thing I can do about it, physically or otherwise...”

“Kick ‘em! Ask for Lyra’s help! Run! Somethin’!” As I mentally argued with myself, more rope magically found its way around my ankles and tied itself tightly around them.

“Oh… whelp, you’re boned.”

“Hey, loosen that up a li’l bit, will ya?” I complained in a dejected, emotionless tone.

“Oh. Sorry about that,” Comet apologized. The rope’s grip loosened just enough that my ankles had some breathing room.

“Who are you guys?” Lyra finally spoke up. I assumed she’d seen enough of this pathetic show of utter submission.

“We’re… uh… we’re alien hunters,” Gillian lied. “We… find unusual species and we… see if we can find a way to return them to their home worlds.”

“Well that is just about the stupidest thing I ever heard…”

“Then… what was that he said about you using him in place of Zecora to get to Twilight?”

“Oh, that? We uh… heh… we mistook the zebra for him when uh… somepony reported to us that there was a strange creature lurking around here…” I stared at him blankly, my eyes half-open with disbelief at his ridiculous story. However, I saw him smirking as he looked at Lyra. “In fact, first thing in the morning, tell Twilight Sparkle that we found him and are looking for Ponyville’s greatest mind to cooperate with us in this… most wonderful discovery.” at that, the air went silent for a moment.

“…you guys are joking, right?” Lyra skeptically asked. “Do you seriously think I’m stupid?”

“…would it be surprising if I said yes…?” Gillian sheepishly admitted with a chuckle.

"You shocked him to get him down, and now you’re binding him with rope. I know you’re kidnapping him. And considering what you said about being on your way to pick up a ‘substitute for that zebra’ and what Ty just said about—!”

“*sigh* Comet?”

“I thought you’d NEVER ask…” with that, the cerulean mare charged up her horn and shot a small spark at the ranting detective.

*ZAP* *POOF* in an instant, the mint green unicorn was out cold as she collapsed on the ground.

“What’d you do t’ her??” I asked, worried about the bystander they’d just victimized.

“I simply put her under a sleeping spell. Don’t worry, she’ll be fine after about six or so hours. That’s usually when the spell wears off,” Comet informed to my relief.

“Well then… tha’ss actually pretty lenient of you.”

“Yeah, we’re not trying to kill anypony here…” Gillian said, causing me to shoot him another angry deadpan look. “Okay fine, we’re NOT going to kill you either. We figured that if we’re going to collect a peaceful audience with Celestia, we’re going to do it without anypony’s blood on our hooves.” He looked at his own hoof to see that there was a small amount of my blood on it. “Figuratively speaking, of course…” he added as he wiped his hoof on the ground.

“What about the kidnappin’, the scarin’ Ponyville shitless, and the apparent fight you got in with Twilight an’ her friends?”

“That fight was a minor setback. As for the other two things… well I need Twilight to come willingly without Princess Celestia noticing my presence here before I get anywhere near her. As you know, I AM an escaped convict from an entirely different country. I committed two simultaneous acts of high treason. Plus, I am-- er, WAS the only human on record to have ever existed here... besides you. Celestia would recognize me immediately if anypony with a strong enough connection to her alerted her of me, which, given my prior knowledge of the TV series, can be done through use of that dragon... I was initially hoping to take HIM so that little ol' Twilight wouldn’t be able to use him. I can only hope he didn’t send her a letter already… but I digress. In any case, that’s where YOU come in, my semi-new hostage!” He falsely praised, patting me on the back of my leg. “Exposing you to the public was both a way to distract the rest of the town from my being here in the case that they heard about that, and a small bonus in seeing them freak out over an alien!” he laughed.

“*sigh* Great. Can we go now?” I impatiently requested, feeling much too upset and tired to hear him ramble on anymore.

“Jeez, you’re not very fun. How about this, then: Would you rather take the short way or the long way?”

“Why am I bein’ given the choice?”

“I’m not letting you ruin my fun, that’s why.”

“Oh, whatever. Like I give two shits about whether you have fun or not…”

“Fine. The long way.”

“Yes…!” he cheered. “You’re at least a LITTLE fun after all!”

“How’s THAT make me fun t’ you?”

“Simply put: Because we get to drag you through town like the war trophy you are. In addition, I’m almost certain that Ms. Sparkle would be MUCH more obliged to come and get you than she would that zebra!”

“Oh tha’ss rich… I sure hope you ain’t gettin’ high on that bet…”

“…Oh, okay. Whisk me away then, O mighty alien hunter,” I flatly commanded.

“Not a problem.” With that, he moved to grab the end of the rope with his teeth. He yanked hard, causing my feet to slip out from under me.

*THUD* “Ow…!”

“Before we go…” I looked and saw him pull a sheet of parchment and a quill out of his own saddlebag. He then moved to flip me so that I was lying on my stomach. “I just need to get this out of the way…” I felt him press a hoof firmly against my back. I guessed that he was writing something. A few seconds later, he took his hooves and the sheet off of me. “Comet, can you help me drag our newest acquaintance into that bush over there?”

“No problemo, babe,” the mare complied as her horn lit up with magic again. Soon, Lyra’s unconscious body was highlighted and levitated into the bush.

“Excellent…” with that, he walked over to the bush, the note sealed and in his mouth. He carefully placed the scroll inside; presumably in a position Lyra would see it when she woke up, before trotting back towards me.

“Off we go, then!” And off I was, being pulled through town by my bare feet by two evil unicorns. At this point, the fatigue was really setting in; causing me to slowly lose consciousness as I was shamefully dragged about Ponyville, more dirt accumulating on my already-ragged, filthy clothes. Despite that, I’d managed to gain a solitary moment of remorseful sulking before passing out.

“This is some bull…”