Season I Episode 1: Snowballs (Pilot)

Rarity heard a knock on the Boutique's door.

She looked up from the stitch she was working on and scowled. It seemed that every time she hit a new thread of dress ideas, somepony just had to interrupt her. Ever since Twilight had arrived and Rarity had become the bearer of Generosity, it seemed that every week Ponyville, or sometimes the entirety of Equestria, needed saving. Sometimes, a pony just wants to work on her dresses.

There was another knock.

Broken from her reverie, Rarity trotted up to the entrance of her shop, levitating it open to see two unicorns, a colt and a filly, at her doorstep, surrounded by the snow of the recently scheduled mild blizzard. She smiled, annoyance disappearing at the sight of her two friends.

"Oh Twilight, Tolliker, please come in. I'll go put on a kettle, for hot co—"

The colt, blue with a messy dark green mane, held up a hoof to stop her. "No need, Miss Rarity. We just came to invite you to the snowball fight."

Twilight, the other guest, continued, "Some stallions set up a snowball fight in the yard just past Umber's house. We thought you might want to come, show off some winter fashion."

"Well darling, normally I'd be delighted to att—wait, did you say it was arranged by stallions? To be at Umber's house?"

"Well, yea," said Twilight, "At least, that's what the invitation said. Right, Tollie?"

He nodded, but Rarity didn't notice. She was freaking out, and doing a bad job of hiding it.

Twilight looked at her in concern. "Rarity, are you okay? You look a little…worked up."

"Oh, I'm fine. Everything's fine. Tolliker, before you go, could you go upstairs and review a few chapeaus? They've already been set out."

Tolliker, Ponyville's resident hatter and milliner, nodded profusely, his sky blue eyes lit up in anticipation of seeing what gorgeous hats Rarity had come with. He rushed upstairs, leaving Rarity and Twilight alone in the front room of the Boutique.

Rarity turned to Twilight, looking seriously concerned, and asked, with similar conviction, what exactly the invitation to the fight had said.

"I don't know, he just came up to the library and asked if I'd like to come to the fight with him," said Twilight, who looked confused. "Why, what's so important about what it said. It's just a snowball fight."

"Darling, how did you and Tolliker meet?"

"He came in to the library one day; he was looking for a book on how to remove stains from magically enchanted fabric without damaging the metaphysical properties of the material. I directed him to Starshine's Treatise on Various Cleansers and Soaps to Suit All Magical Needs, and when that didn't produce any viable mixtures, we decided to experiment on our own. We ended up blowing up fifteen beakers, but it was fun, and we've been friends since. Why, what's important about that?" Twilight was beginning to get accusatory, "How do you know him?"

Rarity gave her a withering look. "Darling, I'm Ponyville's resident clothes designer. You'd think I knew everyone who makes clothes. Or, in his case, hats. He's rather good, but he focuses on stallion fashion. Anyways, you don't know about…about the other stallions', uh, agreement with the rest of Ponyville, then?"

Seeing Twilight's oblivious stare, she continued. "Well, you know the stallions' habits, correct?" Twilight continued staring, clueless. "Oh my, darling, you really need to get out more. They rut, dear. All the time."

Twilight gasped in surprise and blushed from embarrassment and a trace of…was that excitement Rarity detected? She blew off the thought, continuing. "You would have found out soon enough anyways, darling; its better you found out from me then from, say, walking in on them. And yes, they take all the necessary precautions, et cetera, et cetera, they've been doing this for years. Anyways, Tolliker…he's different. Somehow he was never told, and nopony can ever break the news to him, so we all just take the greatest action necessary to ensure he never finds out.

"He'd never find out anyways, bless his heart. He has a knack for being near whatever residence the weekly…soiree is being held in, but he's still convinced the thumps and bangs and…ahem…moans are from everypony redecorating. Not to mention the stains seen around here sometimes, but that's off the point. This 'snowball fight,' is arranged by stallions at Umber's house. Umby's rather…well liked among the gentlecolts, and so that invitation may have been to something entirely different, you see? I have to see it; I know some of the…vocabulary…that the stallions use. If it really is just a snowball fight, we can attend, but if it's not, well…"

Twilight stared at her. This explained quite a bit. She'd always wondered why the stallions had meetings in the barn at Sweet Apple Acres, and why Applejack had never failed to complain about cleaning the place later, even though she never did. Or why Tolliker was convinced Ponyville had an surplus of coconut jelly. Or how the colts would often walk the town with messy hair and contented exhaustion.

Or why the Pony Sutra kept disappearing from her library.

She should tell Tolliker, though. It wasn't as if it was anything bad; the mares and colts of Canterlot had a similar system, not that Twilight had ever participated. And it would save the ponies of the town what seemed like a lot of trouble, judging by Rarity's stressing out. It was the perfect course of action, Tollie'd be down in a few minutes, Twilight would tell him the news, and they'd all get on with their happy lives.

Rarity looked at her in a knowing way. "Darling, you're thinking of telling him aren’t you?" When Twilight started at Rarity's seeming psychic ability, she continued, "Everypony always thinks that they'll be able to when they first hear of the predicament. They never can. Nopony's quite sure why."

Scoffing, Twilight turned towards the stairs. Just because the rest of Ponyville had fallen ill to some sort of other superstition didn't mean that she'd have the same problem. She was a pony of science and rationalism, not unfounded nonsense and old pony tales.

She heard the sound of hooves clopping as they saw the shadow of Tolliker descending the stairs. This was her chance.

Tollie looked a tad indignant. "Rarity, the concepts behind the pieces are marvelous, but you really need to learn how to shape the crown properly. Yours are a bit…floppy, I guess.

His face changed to an expression of slight impatience. "Well then, are we all ready to go to the fight?"

Putting on a sympathetic face, Twilight started to speak.

"Tolliker, I know this may come as a stretch, but—"

She looked at his clear blues eyes, and her imagination got away from her.

Tolliker stood on one of the balconies projecting out of the side of the Boutique. One of his hooves was on the exterior side of the railing, and his eyes were streaming with tears of hurt and mistrust. Twilight looked on, unable to move.

"You all lied to me!" he cried, "you all let me live in ignorance!"

"Tolliker, it's okay," yelled Rarity, who was standing a good ways away from him, "they were just rutting. It's not as if they didn't want you to join. They just couldn't figure out how to tell you."

He didn't look at all relieved. "You lie! You lie like you always have. I hate you all."

He jumped.

"—uh…uh…ah…what?"

Rarity regarded her empathetically. "It's okay, Tollie, she's just forgotten what she wanted to say, right darling?" She gave her fellow filly an "agree-with-me-or-face-the-consequences" look.

"Uh…yea. Sorry. Lost my train of though." Twilight punctuated her ill-done lie with an obviously false laugh, but Tolliker didn't seem to notice.

"Well then," said Rarity, "I guess it's time we got going.

The three ponies walked through the streets of Ponyville, bound up in their scarves and, in Tolliker's case, a richly furred ushanka. The mares trotted behind Tollie, whispering fiercely, Tolliker oblivious of their conversation.

"Rarity, explain what just happened to me," hissed Twilight. "It's…it's like I lost my ability to talk."

"Nopony knows, darling, as I said. Whenever anypony tries to tell him, they just…fail, somehow. Everypony always has a vision of something bad happening to him or the town or Equestria and just…stutter out, I suppose. It's no matter, all that's behind us. Now we've got to find that invitation. Tolliker's hat shop is a bit off the way to Umber's house, we'll need a distraction if we want to get in without him noticing." She looked at Twilight expectantly.

Twilight's eyebrows raised in vexation. "What am I supposed to do? Pinkie's the distracter of this town."

"Well then," said Rarity, "I guess I'll have to find somepony else to help me."

Twilight snorted. "What? Is the entirety of Ponyville in on this…conspiracy?"

"You'd be surprised," said Rarity. She glanced over towards a handsome brown stallion. "Oh, wonderful, there's Dr. Whooves. Derpy normally delivers the stallion's event schedules and invitations and such; the Doctor should know what the invitation said. Just let me get his attention," she said, turning her head in his general direction.

"DOCTOR WHOOVES, DARLING, HOWEVER ARE YOU DOING?"

The Doctor, along with the rest of the ponies on Ponyville's main street, flinched at the sudden and, somehow, still ladylike exclamation. Rarity trotted up towards him as if her sudden outburst didn't violate several rules of etiquette, leaving Twilight shaking her head and Tolliker a bit startled.

"My dear, Doctor, might I say your mane is looking quite well-done today," she said, gesturing towards his hair, which looked exactly as it always did. "How are you doing, Doctor, enjoying the pristine snow?"

At "pristine," the Doctor ears twitched, and he looked exasperatingly at Tolliker before continuing with the ruse. "I'm doing well, Rarity. Might I ask what you three are heading off towards?"

"Oh, just a little fete." She turned towards the other two unicorns, a faux-sweet smile on her face. "You two can go ahead, I'll catch up."

Tolliker cheerfully nodded and began cantering back down the path, Twilight following him, confused.

Rarity turned back to the Doctor, her face switched to a serious mood. "Okay then, what's this 'snowball fight' that the stallions planned? Is it innocent?"

"Snowball fight?" asked Whooves, his expression betraying a sense of confusion. "We didn't plan a snowball fi—oh Celestia," he said, tone changing to slight panic, "Derpy must have put an invitation in Tollie's mailbox by mistake. It didn't say 'snowball fight,' it said 'snowballing party.'"

Now it was Rarity's turn to look confused. "Snowballing? What in Equestria is that?"

"Well…um…"

The Doctor leaned near Rarity's ear and began whispering softly. Rarity's face changed from surprise to understanding to slight lust before settling on full-blown panic, her pupils constricted into tiny pinpricks.

"Oh no…I've got to go stop them. Thank you, Doctor, you've been a huge help."

"You're welcome!" shouted Whooves, as he watched Rarity gallop down the path.

He'd have to go set the "Days since last Code Pristine" calendar back to zero.

Again.

"Wait, you mean you have no idea who this customer is?"

Twilight and Tolliker had struck up a conversation while walking along their path, and it had turned towards tales of the hatter's clients and the librarian's patrons.

"Nope," said Tolliker, "but it's always the same order: a top hat tied with white ribbon, paid for with griffin currency. I get the order roughly every six months or so, to send to whatever city. The last time it was Manehatten, but I've gotten the order from pretty much every part of—"

He was interrupted as Rarity sprang in front of the pair, panting a bit from having galloped so fast. "Darlings...I…I think we need to skip the fight. I've…uh…heard that Blues is very good at snowball fighting, and that nopony ever wins against him. Seeing as he's going to be there…well, it wouldn't make any sense to go to a completion where we definitely wouldn't win, right?" She looked desperately at him, as if willing him to go along with it.

He didn't, of course.

"Rarity, what are you talking about," he said, "I'm not going to reject an invitation for that reason."

"Yeah," said Twilight, "it's all about having fun anyways. I'm sure Blues will go easy on us if we're just beginners. He's not one to flaunt."

Rarity stared at Twilight, eyes twitching erratically. "Darling, I'm quite sure that we do. Not. Need. To go. It wouldn't be…fun."

"Nonsense," replied Tolliker, "Blues is really nice. He wouldn't let us have a bad time, right Twilight?" The hat maker looked to her for affirmation, but she just stared blankly as she put the pieces together.

"Twilight?"

Brought out of her thoughts, she looked at him. "Actually, Tolliker, I think Rarity might be right. I think this fight might be meant for, uh, non-amateurs. We could always have our own fight someplace else…like at Sweet Apple Acres…or in the field behind Rainbow's house."

Tolliker looked at them, his eyebrows raised in incredulity.

"Oh, I see. You girls just want to go so you won't lose to us stallions. Well then, I guess that's okay. Can't blame you for seeing the light."

The mares sighed in relief. "Oh, darling," said Rarity, "you have no idea how—"

PAMF.

A snowball hit Rarity square in the face, and Twilight looked on in horror as Tolliker ran off, still pelting them with snowballs, towards Umber's house

Umber ran the toothbrush across his teeth, cleaning as much of the taste out as he could. As much as he loved the lingering, savory sensation, he knew that going in with a fresh mouth made that first taste quite a bit better.

A slight panging in his jaw reminded him that he'd also escaped to the bathroom in his house for a little break from the commotion going on pretty much everywhere else in his house (except the studio, nopony went in the studio without permission). He'd moved every article of stainable fabric out of the more frequented areas, including his trademark sweater, which was locked up in his closet.

His jaw panged again. He looked in the mirror. His hair was messy; he reached for a nearby comb to fix it. As he ran the fine teeth through his mane, he relaxed. It was fun, hosting these events, but he never planned them, and he was always tired by the time they were through. He preferred more private get-togethers anyways.

As he began to imagine a smaller party with only a couple visitors, he was rudely interrupted by a sudden bang on the door, causing him to pull out a few hairs as he jerked the comb.

Everypony knew the bathroom was for breaks, and they wouldn't interrupt for anything other than an emergency, which in this case meant only one thing.

Tolliker

"Coming!" he called. He placed the comb back in its drawer and looked in the mirror. Sighing, he reflected that he definitely hadn't looked that tired a moment ago. It was no matter, it was his house, and therefore it was his responsibility to respond to Code Pristines.

After leaving the restroom, he navigated through the groups of stallions, some of which hadn't had time to disengage from one another. Somepony threw him his sweater and he put it on quickly; he'd never have been caught with it off if he was doing anything innocent.

Opening the door only a crack so as to not reveal the scene behind him, he found himself face to face with Tollie's exuberant smile.

"Hey Umber," he said, still grinning in earnest, "I heard you guys were having a snowball fight. I dunno why you'd have it inside though."

Somepony behind Umber began to laugh.

"Well," replied Umber, "we, uh, where, but we had to…er…cancel. Unforseen circumstances. Terribly sorry."

Tolliker continued, unfettered. "What circumstances? And why is somepony laugh—"

"Tolliker, darling!" called Rarity, who was galloping towards Umber's house in a panic, followed by a nervous looking Twilight. Umber thanked Celestia for the backup.

"Tolliker," she repeated, "I'm afraid he's right. We were trying to dissuade you from attending in the first place, to lessen the disappointment, you know, but you, uh, left."

"Oh, well you could have just told me. And seriously," he added, looking at Umber accusingly, "who was that laughing?"

Umber shrank a little towards the door. "Him? Oh he's my…my…uh," he paused as if in though, "my maid! Yes, he's my maid. And he's laughing because I was an idiot and spilled paint all over my living room. Three buckets of ruby red. Did a number on the carpet. So I…uh…need to go. Help clean. Yeah. Bye." With that, he retreated fully into the house.

The stallions of Ponyville waited silent and still for a few moments as they heard Twilight and Rarity convince Tolliker to go somewhere else for their own, private snowball fight. Eventually, their conversation ended, and the stallions collectively breathed a deep sigh of relief before resuming the festivities with as much vigor as before.

Umber smiled a little, earlier traces of exhaustion gone, and he threw himself into the fray.

He was going to have to wash his sweater, later.

It was worth it.