After Rainbow Dash and the Forgemaster had finished tethering Crimson Hammer's home to his, she wouldn't stop pestering him.

"PLEASE! Just this once and I'll never ask you again!" she said in a begging, pitiable voice.

"Twilight Sparkle, I would love to answer your meaningless questions, but I'm afraid that I am quite busy at the moment."

Immediately after the cloud house had been tethered down with high tensile cloud wires, Twilight had shown up at his front door, wielding a notepad and a quill. Rainbow Dash had quickly flown away, stating that she had no desire to be near Twilight as she questioned him. The words Rainbow Dash had actually used were far less kind, however. After being invited inside and treated to a nice cup of tea, Twilight began to question him. He refused to answer her questions, leading to the current situation.

"What do you have to do!" she screamed at him, clearly suspicious.

He began to detail each part of the rest of his day, stressing each and every part of it. It truly was not much work, but the way he said it made it seem as though he had to save the kingdom 3 times before supper and then go rescue a crowd of foals from a flaming hospital, all the while being chased by an angry manticore. It would have fooled practically anyone; unfortunately, Twilight was too intent on him to care about the problems he had detailed. She was far too focused on the things running through her own head; she probably didn't even hear a word he said.

At the end of his impressive speech, she simply nodded her head and said, "I see what you mean. Now, how about these questions?"

He shook his head at her, "You didn't even hear a word I said, did you?"

"Of course I did!" screamed Twilight, a manic smile growing on her face.

He looked at her for a long moment before saying, "I see from your… cheery disposition that you have finally snapped. Well, I might as well answer some, if only to hopefully cure your diseased mental faculties."

She began to laugh maniacally, "YES! YES! YES!"

She started to bounce around him in a circle screaming 'Yes!'

After quite a few minutes of that particular brand of insanity, he brought a chair over, and sat down on it. Twilight did the same with her magic after she had calmed down.

"So; let's get started, shall we? Question number 1; what are humans like?"

"They are bipedal omnivores that are often pushed to extremes. Usually by small purple unicorns."

Twilight didn't seem to notice the sarcasm evident in his voice.

"Question number 2; do you have ponies in your homeland?"

"Yes."

"What kinds of ponies?"

"The accurately named; Earth ponies."

"You don't have pegasi or unicorns!"

"No, they've tragically gone extinct." he then muttered so Twilight couldn't hear, “The stupid blighters.”

"Okay… Well, I've noticed that you reference these 'gods', what are they?" she waved her hooves around as she said 'gods'.

"I would really rather not bring religion into this conversation." He said with a sigh.

"What's religion?" she asked, as innocent as can be.

"Religion is when someone believes in a god, and creates ways to properly worship said god."

"So what's a god?"

"You should know; Celestia and Luna are your equivalent of them."

"So, they're your rulers?"

"No… It's complicated; they are beings that people put faith into, even though they never actually see them, usually. Suffice to say that the reason you lot don't have any gods is because you already have gods in Celestia and Luna, and since they are living and breathing gods, you haven't taken any other gods, or had cults form because your gods are easily visible."

She was writing everything he said with meticulous, painstaking accuracy.

"So what gods do you, 'believe' in?"

"All of them."

"Huh. Who are they?"

"There are too many to count."

"Why do you believe in so many?"

"If even one person believes in a god, that god has power. If a god loses all of his followers, then he dies. If I believe in all of them, then they never truly die. And, if they never truly die, that means that many of them owe their continued existence to me. Having a couple gods owe you can be a real trump card."

"Really?" she asked, incredulously.

"Of course! Gods are omnipotent, metaphysical beings; having even one on your side makes you a winner."

She scowled at him, "I'm learning nothing relevant here. Let's try another question. How do you know so much about us?"

He barked out a laugh, "HAH! You ponies are so very easy to read: sometimes it's like you're books with the words on the outside. I just have to read the words. It's probably your large, expressive eyes. And those ears, too. The pegasi have wings, which is also an indicator of emotion. Put it all together and it's like trying to interpret the most obvious poetry ever written!"

"Are we really that easy to read?"

"No. I just made up everything I just said." He said, voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Ugh. Stallions. I have more questions: why do your moods switch so rapidly? I mean one minute, you're goofy and pulling pranks, and the next moment you are stoic and completely serious. I don't get it."

He rolled his eyes, "That's the point, Twilight Sparkle. You aren't supposed to get it."

"Huh?"

"I hide my cold, dead, emotionless interior with my personality shifts."

"WHAT!" Twilight was understandably upset.

"Think nothing of it, Twilight Sparkle. Onto the next question!"

Shaken, Twilight went back to her list, "Alright, do you have any family?"

"Probably."

"What do you mean: probably?"

He grinned, "Let me put it this way. Twilight Sparkle, do you know how… colts and fillies are made?"

"Yes, of course."

"Well, during the long life that I've led, I've met a fairly large amount of women."

"I don't understand; what's a 'women'?"

"A woman is a female human. Women is the plural form of that word."

She blushed, bright red, "Oh… Y-You mean…"

"Yes, Twilight Sparkle; I probably have children and grandchildren to the nth degree out there somewhere. Though, I'm sure that my siblings and parents, if I had any, are all long dead by now. In fact, I don't believe I even had parents in the traditional sense at all."

"Wait, you aren't sure if you had parents?"

"Twilight Sparkle, even though I'm sure I've said it to you before, I'm immortal. Immortality doesn't spawn randomly in children. It is not a genetic mutation. I was almost definitely created by some god somewhere to assist in some task, and once it was done, he let me go. But, it's anyone's guess; I may just be a criminally insane god that came to live amongst mortals!" He started to laugh maniacally after he said the last sentence.

Twilight said, "Well, as unlikely as that sounds; it would explain quite a few things."

"True. Hmm, you know: I could've ruled my homeland much the same as Celestia had here."

"Oh, really?" she asked, in a condescending tone. She was probably upset that he has yet to call Princess Celestia by her proper name, that being with the 'Princess' part attached, and even more upset now that he had said that he could have done the same as she had.

"Yeah. I definitely could have. I didn't want to though."

"Why not?" She asked, suddenly curious.

"Well…. Aside from a distinct lack of ambition, I suppose that I really just don't enjoy giving out orders. I was usually in a position of respect or authority. But, to actually hold people's lives in my hands? I couldn't do it. Not for long, anyway. I've lead armies before, but never for long. One month, or 2, I think my longest campaign was 4 and a half years long. And that was annoying."

"So you were a soldier?"

"Yes, I've been most things ever. Hell, I even worked in a tavern once as a barkeep. I never had to be on the campaign trail for long because as soon as I joined, we seemed to start winning the battle. I was a legend back in my homeland, at my presence entire enemy armies would surrender to me, and my battle-brothers would fight with fervor almost unheard of. Just because they knew I was there. To be honest, I kind of liked the feeling. And soldiering, for all of its hell, had a certain… charm to it."

"What do you mean, you though being a soldier was entertaining!" Twilight asked, horrified.

"Twilight Sparkle, humans have practically turned war into an art form. The true master of the art never even had to fight a war, because they had already won it and the enemy knew that." At her confused face, he said, "A famous war-master once said, 'Never go into battle without having already won the war.' Meaning, don't fight unless you know you not only can win, but will win."

"That actually sounds like sound advice… from a race of super-destructive barbarian murderers." She spat at him, she clearly hadn't though well of his views on war.

"Hey now, I wouldn't go calling the entire human race a bunch of barbarians. We're actually quite sophisticated. But, there are many super-destructive barbarian murderers in my homeland. I mean, just look at the Gaelic tribesmen of old, that's what I call a race of super-destructive barbarian murderers."

"What do you mean by that?" she asked, curious as to what he would think of as super-destructive.

"Well… you've seen me naked before, remember."

She blushed and nodded.

"Well, conjure up an image in your mind as I describe one of the Gaelic berserkers to you: he's a man, like me, completely naked, running straight at you, screaming bloody murder at you the entire way, he has an axe raised over his head, he's covered in the blood of previous foes, and, to top it all off, he has a raging erection while doing it."

Twilight had closed her eyes and her frown became more pronounced the more he spoke. Until he mentioned the last sentence, then she gasped and blushed furiously. He giggled at the sight.

"Let me tell you, those guys scared the absolute shit out of the Romans. Never has the sight been duplicated: a mass of angry, aroused, heavily armed, and naked men running straight at another group of men. That other group of men would either hold firm and be slaughtered or flee and be slaughtered. The aftermath was always… messy."

Twilight looked at him, jaw almost hitting the floor, "Is that really how humans fight!"

"No, that's how the Gaelic tribesmen of old used to fight. And it was brutally effective… until the enemy started wearing armor, I suppose. But, anyway, it was for the psychological effect. The enemy would be scared and lose cohesion at such a sight."

"Psychological effect? You mean humans try to use the enemy's mind against them?"

"Yes."

"You humans are barbarians, there hasn't been such a war in Equestria for hundreds of years."

"Well, all that means is that you are overdue for one. I wouldn't be surprised if one comes up soon."

"Are you really trying to predict a war based on the time it's been since the last one?"

"No, I am predicting. If I was trying, I wouldn't have said anything with a definite attitude and yet I did, therefore I am not trying."

"Ugh. I am leaving. I didn't get anywhere, anyways."

"Bye Twilight, Sparkle! Have a nice day!" he cheerily called after her.

'Now what to do…' he thought.

wWwWwWw

In the end, he just decided to work his forge until sundown.

He awoke the next day with a familiar presence in his room. He looked over at the window and saw that it was open. He began to scan the room around him, and yet saw nothing. He still felt as though someone was there with him, so he continued to search. He stood from his bed, and looked through his entire room, top, bottom, and sideways. He finally found what he was looking for in the form of a light blue pegasus in his closet.

He opened the door to his closet and said, "Rainbow, what are you doing in my closet."

For her part, Rainbow Dash wasn't looking at his eyes, or even his face for that matter. Her gaze was directed… a little bit further south. She was also bright red, come to think of it.

He followed her gaze until he just now realized what exactly she was looking at. He promptly shut the door and went back to his bed. He covered himself with the sheets and then went back to the closet and opened it once more. In his still half-asleep daze, he had momentarily forgotten that he sleeps in the buff.

'Now I have to give my windows the same treatment I gave the rest of my house. And locks too.' He thought. 'Why do I seem to always be naked around these ponies?'

With the door now open, he reached in and took down some of his clothes. Rainbow had the decency to snap out of her daze and she left his closet. He headed to the bathroom to dress and Rainbow stayed in his room until he returned.

"I gotta ask you somethin', Forgey."

"We're friends, apparently, Rainbow. You can ask me pretty much anything."

"Well, what's up with that." She pointed a hoof at his waist.

"It's a penis; you should know how one works. Now, why were you in my closet?"

"Well… Why do you sleep naked!"

"That's irrelevant, Rainbow. Now answer the question."

She sighed, "I was trying to hide from Pinkie."

"She's been annoying you lately, hasn't she?'

She sighed again, "Yeah."

"Don't worry; I made my home Pinkie-proof. Specific runes in the floor that reinforce the laws of physics, she won't be able to get in here unless someone let's her in."

She groaned, "That's no good! I have to meet my friend Gilda today so I'll have to leave eventually."

"I'll just go to your place and tell her to come here. You won't even have to leave here."

"No, that's not right. It won't do any good hiding from Pinkie. I might as well face her sooner rather than later."

"That's surprisingly mature for you, Rainbow."

Rainbow flew off, out of his window. He made sure to close it behind her. He would need those locks sooner, rather than later. He went out to his forge and began to make reinforcements for all of the windows on his house. Everything from locks to metal bars, he fortified them all.

He went out after his exertions and went to get some food from Applejack's stand. On the way there, he passed a griffon, who was muttering to her/himself about something the Forgemaster couldn't pick up on. Unfortunately, the griffon and he were on a collision course.

"Hey! I'm walking here!" the griffon, now revealed to be a female, yelled out.

"So was I, I guess that means one of us will have to move." He said aggressively, he did not like her attitude at all.

She reared up to meet his glare, "HAH! What are you gonna do about it, ape?"

"I'm going to chop off your head and mount it on my mantle." he said in a calm manner, the only indication of anger being his eyes.

The griffon shut up after that, she had seen the raw fury in his eyes and felt that it was best no to anger the creature further. She wisely stepped out of the way, letting him pass. She had a feeling that he would have done exactly as he had said if she had done anything.

wWwWwWw

Later that Day

He had been invited to a party to welcome another pony to Ponyville. Only it wasn't a pony, it turned out to be Rainbow Dash's friend Gilda, who also turned out to be a Griffon. A series of embarrassing pranks took place on Gilda, which the griffon seemed to think that Pinkie Pie had done. After insulting Pinkie Pie, she rounded on him.

"And you! The ape, I bet you were in on all of this!" her anger had clouded her earlier judgments about him.

He growled at her, "If I was, I assure you that my pranks would have left far more… permanent damage."

"You threatening me!" she put her face in his; this griffon clearly didn't know who she was dealing with.

He licked his lips, "No, I'm wondering how you taste." He whispered so that only she could hear.

She gasped, and recoiled in horror. She decided to turn back to the easier target: Pinkie Pie.

"Pinkie Pie, you, you are queen lame-o with your weak little party pranks. Did you really think you can make me lose my cool? Well, Dash and I have ten times as much cool as the rest of you put together. Come on Dash, we're bailing on this pathetic scene. Come on Rainbow Dash. I said, we're leaving. "

"You know Gilda, I was the one who set up all those weak pranks at this party. "

"What? "

"So I guess I'm queen lame-o."

Gilda started to laugh nervously, "Come on, Dash, you're joshing me."

"They weren't all meant for you specifically, it was just dumb luck that you set them all off. "

"I shoulda known, that dribble cup had Rainbow Dash written all over it." Pinkie Pie interjected.

"No way. It was Pinkie Pie and that ape; they set up this party to trip me up, to make a fool of me. "

"I threw this party to improve your attitude, and Forgey didn't have anything to do with it. I just thought a good party might turn that frown upside down. "

"And you sure didn't need any help making a fool of yourself. You know, this is not how I thought my old friend would treat my new friends. If being cool is all you care about, maybe you should go find some new cool friends someplace else. " Rainbow Dash said.

"Yeah? Well you, you, you are such a, a flip-flop: cool one minute and lame the next. When you decide not to be lame anymore, give me a call." Gilda yelled back at her.

"Not cool. " Rainbow Dash said.

"Wow, talk about a party pooper. " Spike interjected.

"I'm disappointed in you, Rainbow." The Forgemaster announced.

"WHAT!"

"It's obvious that Gilda was just having difficulty associating with your new friends. She came here thinking that it would be the same as it was when you were friends in the past. She wasn't expecting that you would have new friends, and she just couldn't adapt very fast. Doesn't mean I like her or that her actions were excusable, but, you have to understand it from her point of view. So sayeth the Lord."

The entire party was stunned. Most of the other party-goers were stunned because they had never heard him speak for so long, or that he had given out such wise advice. The 'Elements' were mostly hung up on the advice he had given.

"If you fly fast, you can still catch her, Rainbow. Hell if I care, though. Lose a friend, keep a friend, I couldn't care either less either way."

With that single, pessimistic remark, he turned around and left the party to head home.