Chapter 15-1: Red Ice

[I tried to back away, only to find my hooves mired in the muddy street! ]

I shot upright with a tremendous inhalation, eyes wide. Frantically, my head turned rapidly this way and that, trying to find Latvi, Caber Toss, Ballbuster or, most importantly, Undertow.

Finding nobody, I lurched towards the door, only to end up faceplanting into the metal floor as the sheets tangled around my legs. On trembling hooves, I tried to push myself upright, before abruptly stopping.

Wait, the floor is metal, and I’m in a bed? Where am I?

Finally levering myself up to a sitting position, the scene before me was initially confusing, but soon found reference. “I’m… this is… my room?”

Though not the subterranean master bedroom of Hoofshine Harlots, this was still, most definitely, my room. I had all but given up hope that I’d see these particular four walls ever again, as confusion over not knowing where I was shifted to confusion over knowing where I was.

Through the open doorway, in cracked paint, a giant ‘61’ graced the metal corridor wall, as tall as a stallion. “What is this?”

Kicking away the sheets, I did a slow pan of the room. The non-descript bed tucked into the corner, the bare chest of drawers, the knickknack-free shelves, and the featureless walls were all the same as I remembered them.

None of it, however, served to explain why I was here at all. Tentatively stepping into the hallway, I longed for some clue as to why I was back in this place, when the last thing I remembered was so very different.

“Undertow?” I called out worriedly.

Only the hidden hum of the Stable’s machinery answered me. Fretting, I bounded to the neighbouring rooms, checking any open door I could find, and hammering on any door releases when the rooms were closed.

“Undertow! Where are you?” Had she been brought here too? Or was she somewhere else entirely?

I pounded on the walls of the last empty room. “LATVI! Answer me! What have you done?!”

Again, no answer but the inner workings. “This isn’t funny, Latvi! Bring her back! If you touch her I swear I’ll shatter both your horns!” And that damn horn of Sombra’s too!

The pain in my hooves was beginning to crowd out my confusion, but I only stopped banging, not moving. Picking myself up, I ran back to my room. There had to be a clue somewhere, something that would tell me what had transpired.

The room proved to be as barren as ever, with the indent in the pillow being the only thing showing that anybody had been in here recently.

“Undertow!” I tried one more time. “Come on, if you can hear me, say something! Anything!”

I’d have paid any price to hear her sweet, watery voice at that moment.

Worry for Undertow and confusion at my situation were at the forefront of my mind, but just behind them was a deep seething anger at the cause of it all. “Laaaatviiiiii!!!" My horn flared just before my hoof arced up and around, slamming into, and through, the now-frozen desk.

He would pay for what he had done. Whatever had happened was his doing, and it was all bad. If I was back in the Stable, then it meant that he knew about it, and how to get there. His knowing the location was bad, but his revenge game of dropping me here while spiriting Undertow away was worse. THAT was going to cost him.

Fuelled by my anger, I dragged myself to my hooves, and stalked out of the room, forgetting it instantly.

Not like it meant much in the first place.

~~~~~~

The stale air of Stable 61 hadn’t changed, holding that same acrid scent on the edge of the smell-sense, telegraphing its recycled, second-hoof sterility. It was cloying, and failed to truly fill the lungs, instead pressing down with the slightest of pressures. I idly wondered why I had never noticed before.

I had to backtrack a few times, as I couldn’t remember the route, finding myself traversing endlessly similar corridors, and at one point even ending up back at the living quarters. I tried to engage whatever automatic memory I followed when going through the monotonous routines of Stable life, but I just couldn’t fall into the daze. Unless the Stable layout had changed drastically in the time I’d been gone, I was obviously losing my touch.

I’d been following the arrows, but not the words next to said arrows, not really caring where I particularly went at present, so long as I got somewhere more active, but I was having little luck in that regard.

I received a lifeline in the form of the static-y corner speakers groaning into activity, with a should-have-been-familiar, cultured voice booming out. “Good day, fellow residents of Stable 61…”

I knew that voice, but I couldn’t form an image of the person in my head.

Obviously unaware of my inner struggles, the voice retained its good cheer as it continued its message. “Now, I am aware that we have had an interesting few weeks here in the Stable, but I must ask that you not let it distract you any further from an important upcoming event… the Overseer elections, which are coming up within the week!”

“Roc.” The charismatic, sandy-feathered griffon still had designs on the Over Office. The elections were scheduled for the second week after I left. Did my leaving set you back, Roc, maybe show others that you don’t have all the answers?

How about you, Overmare? Did kicking me out keep you in that chair for a few more days?

“I do hope that you all come down on Election day and cast your vote. It is the honour, privilege, and duty of all Stable residents to take part in this process, so that we maintain a true representative government here in Stable 61. We have no silly princesses like Old Equestria did, my dear friends, and are the better for it.”

“You sure about that?” I muttered as I trudged onwards. Old Equestria had been dead in the Wasteland for two hundred years, and the Stable remained shut tight, with myself as the only one to leave.

“Finally, as I myself am running for the position of Overseer for our fine Stable, I would like to remind you that my door is always open to any and all who have questions on the democratic process, or wish to raise any concerns with me for the future. You all deserve to be heard, and I look forward to chatting with you. Until then, good residents, I bid you farewell.” The scratchy signal cut out a few seconds after the griffon finished talking.

“I know a guy just like you, you two-faced liar.” Roc couldn’t hear me, and nor could Peanut, the equally charismatic, equally fake commander of the Plottawan slavers, but they evoked the same reaction from me. Well, almost the same. Roc’s not scary, he’s just annoying.

Possessed by a desire to NOT see Roc in the flesh any time soon, I decided on a different tack for moving through the Stable. Since my mind was still struggling with the unexplained journey I’d taken after Latvi’s weird spell hit me, I felt that I needed some quiet time to work things out.

I knew just the place too.

~~~~~~

Legs dangling over the rim, I stared into the abyss.

Back at the same geothermal energy collector where I’d first touched the damaged Memory Orb, I sat idly on the lip of the ledge. Somehow, I’d managed to sneak in when nobody was around, and hadn’t yet been discovered.

Why haven’t I see anyone around yet? The Stable’s still running, and there are no signs of anything going wrong. Strange though it was, it remained a secondary concern, at least until I could ascertain what had gone down during… whatever Latvi’s spell had done to Undertow and I.

“Okay…” I could barely hear myself over the roar of the heat-collectors nearby, but I spoke more for the act than anything else. “…what do we know?”

“I’m back in the Stable, though I don’t know how or why. Undertow isn’t here, nor Naiara. Neither are Latvi or the Raiders. I don’t know how long it’s been since that meeting, or anything that’s gone on since. The Overmare’s still Overmare for now, and Roc’s still a jackhole. Um… what else?”

I lifted my hoof. Aside from the unmarked barding I’d received at Sprinkles Supplies, there was nothing there. “Still no Pipbuck, even back in the Stable. I’m also missing the Memory Orb, which may come up at some point.”

These too, were secondary concerns compared to the unknown fates of Undertow and Naiara. Last time I’d seen them, one had been knocked out and the other had a battle axe to her throat. Naiara might have escaped Latvi’s spell, but Undertow was hit with it, just like I was.

“Naiara’s strong. She’ll have gotten away, none of those Raiders could have stopped her. Hopefully, she got Undertow away too… hopefully.”

And then, she has some serious explaining to do about just what in the hell she and Atesh were thinking by fooling around with Sombra’s horn! I didn’t think anybody was looking forward to that conversation, but it wasn’t something I could just let go, since it took Undertow from me, and for all I knew might have caused a whole heap of other problems.

The shaft down into the mountain gave no answers, but still evoked thoughts of what could have been. Letting the Memory Orb roll into the chasm, and not trying to catch it, would have meant catching flak for being lazy, but also that I never would have left the Stable. I would have continued on as usual, spending time with my brothers, safe in the Stable for years to come.

And then what? What would I have done instead of what I did in the Wasteland? I’d never have met Undertow, Naiara, Wings, Bosco, Schwarzwald, even Cassie and Breeze. I’d be just another Stable pony doing monitor duty. Nice and safe.

…Yeah.

“Aha! Here you are!” The exuberant exclamation was accompanied by the beating of wings. Looking up, Roc’s shadow fell on me as he descended, coming to a hovering halt before me, confident grin plastered on his beak.

“I have been hoping for a free moment with you ever since I heard that you had returned. I’m glad to catch you with nobody else around for once.” The twinkle in his eye looked genuine, but I’d been on the receiving end of his enthusiasm-acting before, so remained on my guard.

“It never occurred to you that I’m down here because I DON’T want company, Roc?” If I wanted to talk to anyone in the Stable, I’d have gone to find my brothers.

His smile remained, though the twinkle, while not completely disappearing, faltered. “And I apologise for intruding upon your private thoughts. You’ve no doubt seen much in your time away from the Stable, but I feel that I must talk with you about it, for the good of all of Stable 61’s residents.”

“…Seriously?” That’s the line you’re going with?

Roc’s mid-air bow seemed ludicrous when delivered to someone like me, who’d already seen his mask slip once. “Oh yes. I have been eagerly awaiting this day. Such stories you must have to tell! I honestly expected you back scant days after you left, as you are ill-suited to survive in a hostile environment, especially without your buffalo to protect you, but here you are weeks later, and in good health to boot! Very impressive indeed, you’ve exceeded all my expectations a dozen times over.”

“What do you mean you expected me back in a few days?” Didn’t he know that I had been exiled?

He held up a calming claw. “Please, I admit that I was wrong. You proved yourself far more capable than you seemed before you left. Your time in the Wasteland appears to have been good for you. That being said, it was always the case that you would return, but to last for over a fortnight is admirable for you.”

“What do you mean I was always gonna come back? And staying alive for weeks is a surprise? Fuck you, Roc!”

The twinkle disappeared. “I was trying to compliment you, Snowflake, but since you seem disinterested in such things, I will move straight on to business. You will recall I offered you status during the incident with that magical sphere. You left the Stable before I received an answer, or perhaps that was your answer. Either way, I would like to extend the offer again, and more. This time, not only do you have exposure to Old Equestria, you have firstclaw experience of what life outside the Stable is like.”

Seriously, Roc, what is wrong with you? You’ve been insulting me this entire time, yet you’re still sure that you can convince me to help you out. “I should introduce you to Amber Bernstein sometime, Roc. She’d just love you.” And that meeting would have been a treat for any observer.

Roc swooped down to land next to me, throwing his arms wide good-naturedly. “Yes, I’ve heard that name mentioned before. What can you tell me about her? And the others?”

Ice-water ran through my veins. “Wait, you’ve heard about Amber? How?”

Lazily waving his claw, Roc took the moment to scratch his sandy feathers. “Oh, after you left, we felt that it was important to boost our monitor range. We stumbled across all manner of broadcasts from outside the Stable. The information was… disjointed at best, which is where you come in. Even though you were no doubt scared and running for your life most of the time, you should have been able to pick up some of the local gossip through osmosis, if nothing else. Your time in the Wasteland did coincide with a time of much activity, after all, and we followed as much as we could.”

“You… followed what happened out there? What… what did you find?” Naiara wouldn’t be the only one with things to answer for, it would seem.

“Oh we know all about what you’ve been up to. Nobody quite expected all the trouble that you got into…”

Jackhole!

“…Well, no. We expected you to find trouble, but not to find it in the places that you did.”

“Ugh, Roc, I dislike you. You know that right?” I really saw no reason to hide it any longer, especially since my actions were coming to light.

All I got in return was a mildly affronted sniff. “Often the reaction of petty individuals to those who have what they crave. It is also irrelevant. My offer still stands. Tell me what you’ve managed to observe of the major factions and people of interest out there in the Wasteland, like Bernstein, The Steel Rangers and their Elder, Plottawa, Lethbridle, and others, and I shall afford you the second most powerful post in the Stable when I take the position of Overseer. I am being very generous here, given what I am to receive in return.”

My gaping jaw slammed shut firmly after hearing that final line. “I have many people that I dislike, Roc, some that I even hate, but MY STARS do you make it easy to loathe you. If you ever met yourself, one of you jackholes would end up dead!”

Drawing himself up, he opened his mouth to retort, but I cut him off. “You’ll be a terrible Overseer, and I wouldn’t help you if you paid me all the caps in the Wasteland. Do you know what caps are, or are you still thinking in bits? They’re money Roc, did you pick that up in your ‘disjointed’ information?”

Rolling away from the edge, I rose with my back to him. “Whatever you think you might know, wrong as it will be, keep it to yourself. I’m done talking with you.”

Guttural, enraged choking sounds accompanied me as I sauntered away, happy to have shut the damn buzzard up for once in his miserable life. Screw sending him to Amber, I’ll just have him meet Wings!

~~~~~~

Shutting down Roc had put a bit of a spring in my step, and seeing the corridors begin to fill with ponies, buffalo, zebra, donkeys, griffons and diamond dogs lightened my heart. As I passed them, I doled out easy smiles at first.

“Hey, wasn’t that…”

“Snowflake?”

“I heard she was dead!”

“Don’t let her touch you!”

“Yeah, Old Equestria’s got its hooks into her.”

“Can’t believe the Overmare let her back in!”

“She’s smiling like she wants to drink our blood!”

“Yeah, that’s totally what happens in Old Equestria.”

“Really?”

“Totally!”

“Wow, better steer clear then.”

“Sshh! She’ll hear you!”

It definitely hurt to hear that from people I used to live with, but I still struggled to keep a straight face nevertheless. Who thinks this stuff up? Drinking blood? That’s what they think Old Equestria was all about? I’m sure there are history files on their Pipbucks that they could look at if they really wanted to know. They’re working themselves dizzy for nothing!

“Can’t believe she’s changed so much.”

“Yeah I know, she used to be so quiet.”

“She was useless before she left. Old Equestria must be horrible to do that even to her.”

My smile faded. What does it take?

Rounding on the last one who spoke, my horn glowed faintly, and I opened my mouth, letting the mist seek out as I bared my fangs. “Graaah!”

My hiss sent them scampering away, scooping up their foals as they ran.

I got a wide berth after that, anger at the fact that I apparently needed to become a monster to get even the slightest bit of respect from my ‘peers’ warring with a little bit of pride that I WAS getting respect. Not one of them had seen even a fraction that I had in the last few weeks, extra sensors or not. What do they know about ‘useless’?

Moving into the main Stable, I was finally able to get a good look at the time. The early shift was only a few hours in, meaning the Stable would have a lull of activity as the graveyard shift went to their beds, while the late shifts wouldn’t be waking up for a while yet. A good time to look around without too much hassle.

Passing by a Monitor room, I caught a flicker of blazing blue out of the corner of my eye. “Wings?!” Immediately doubling back, I charged into the room, ignoring the snoring pony curled up in the corner chair while casting about at every monitor in search of my friend.

Well versed in this particular piece of equipment, I triggered the rewind. “Come on, come on…” Each and every screen shifted into reverse, but I didn’t see any sign of the chocolate-and-cream griffon. Frustrated, I ran the tape backwards and forwards again and again, searching for any missing moment. “It’s gotta be here somewhere!”

“Whuzzat?” Disturbed, the monitor pony jerked awake. Halfway at least. “What in tarnation? Can’t a Pegasus get a little shut-eye around here?”

I was barely paying attention, eyes still on the footage. “Eyes open, Pegasus. You’ve got work to do. I’m looking for a picture of a griffon, just happened. She’s got big blue eyes, you can’t miss ‘em. Help me to find her.”

“Kid, if you wanna date that badly, just go find ‘er in the fur, and leave me to my well-deserved… wait, that you Ice Cube?”

Ice Cube? Only one person calls me that! “Whiskey Sour?” Spinning away from the screens, I came face to face with the older Pegasus.

Surprised recognition blossomed over her face. “Snowflake, it is you! Well wipe my glass, girl, been a while!”

“Y-yeah. A lot’s happened.”

Sobering, she sat up straighter. “Yeah, I’ll bet. Listen, Ice Cube, I gotta ‘pologise fer what I said in the Medical Bay. You didn’t deserve that.”

I couldn’t have cared less what she said in the Medical Bay. “It’s fine, but can you help me out now? I need to find my friend on here.”

Whiskey Sour didn’t move, just kept staring at me pityingly. “No, kid, it ain’t fine. I shoulda known better. I know ya well enough, and I went too far. I shouldn’ta set you off like that.”

Now I cared. “Sour, what are you talking about?”

The pathetic look she was giving me intensified. “Now, don’t need to be puttin’ on a brave face with me, kid. I know yer a little fragile, and my callin’ you out fer something that weren’t your fault with that doohickey shouldn’ta been said, ‘specially after what happened next.”

I was beginning to worry about the older Pegasus. She’d been stressed out from what had happened, but she was treating me like glass. “What happened next?”

You’d struggle to find a more shamefaced pony. “Y’know, you ran away from the Stable. I shouldn’t have piled on when you were going through all that. It was too much already, anybody could see that.”

You think your yelling at me was what sent me out of the Stable? Really? That’s even stupider than Roc! I couldn’t even think of a proper response to that, except to cock my head on its side in confusion.

When I did, though, another flash came through in my peripheral vision. It wasn’t a pair of blue eyes this time though, rather, it was a coltish charcoal blur. “Bosco!” Immediately I turned back to the footage, but found no more joy than with Wings. I worked the timer back and forth in my search.

“What-co?” Whiskey Sour rubbed her eyes with a wing. “Snow, are you okay? You havin’ a bad moment?”

I didn’t deign to turn my head for that, instead just shooting her a quick glare. Between her amber feathers, however, was a third flash, of jade green and grey-black stripes.

“Naiara!” I muscled Sour out of the way, searching the edge monitor for another sign.

“Now now, Ice Cube,” The middle-aged Pegasus was looking more and more unnerved. “I’m not meanin’ to upset you like this. Just take it easy, I’m real sorry.”

“Dammit, you’re not helping!” In desperation, I flicked through the other visual settings on the monitors in rapid succession: Infrared, Night Vision, Flipped Negatives, Widescreen, Tagged- Wait! Go back!

Flipping back through to widescreen, I tried in vain to relocate the twins, Breeze and Cassie, I’d seen flying on the widescreen picture, but to no avail. Letting out a wordless growl, I slammed a hoof onto the console in frustration.

Whiskey Sour, mistaking my anger for ‘fragility’ used her wings to gently fan my face. “Easy there, Snowflake. I’ll just go ahead and call that brother o’ yours, alright? We’ll get you seen to.”

I turned and got in her face. “I’m. Fine.” I gritted out. Her wide eyes proved the perfect mirror for another of the screens, where a wood brown earth mare with a forest green mane flickered out of focus.

Twisting, I knew it would be too late, but I had to try anyway.

Yep, no luck. What’s happening here?

“Ice Cube, I’m gonna take you to the docs for now, let you rest fer a while. Please, come along now.”

“Okay, this has gone on long enough, Whiskey Sour! I am not having a ‘bad moment’, and I am not going to go to any doctors. I am trying to find my friends in this footage, and you are sitting there treating me like I’ll break if you breathe too hard. I didn’t leave the damn Stable because of whatever the hell you said in the Medical Bay, I left it because of what put me in the Medical Bay in the first place. Now leave me alone!”

I all but ran out of the Monitor room, but couldn’t escape her last words. “I’m prayin’ for ya, kid.”

~~~~~~

The noise of the atrium faded to a low hum on the way to the upper walkways where I now sat, gazing down on the Stable activity. Residents of all shapes, sizes and colours trooped back and forth below me. I watched one particularly entertaining young zebra colt, who managed to make it all the way across the room without touching the floor, courtesy of the backs, shoulders, horns and heads of the adult Stable dwellers.

That had been an entertaining thirty seconds… out of the two hours I’d been up in the shadows.

“…Is this it?” The question was vocalised more to hear a new noise than anything, since I’d been entertaining such thoughts for many minutes already.

This was what I was trying to find my way back to? This was what I took as the right way to live? “Old Equestria’s war is not our war. We await the day New Equestria is born.” I can’t help but feel that the keyword there is ‘await’.

What changes here, in the end? What makes one day or another any more important than the last?

“Tch, I’ve met a ghoul with more life than this place. I mean, what’s the point?” Nobody gave an answer. Nobody heard, and nobody looked up. Plenty of them were looking down though, at the Pipbucks on their wrists. “…Wonder how many of you even know that there’s a map maker function on there?”

My muttered musings did draw the attention of one Stable dweller, at least. There was a clang of heavy hoof on the grating at the end of the walkway. My head lolled lazily in that direction, to where the sienna-furred buffalo stood frozen, a look of shock on his face.

Instantly, my expression matched his, though only for a moment. Tears tracked their way down my face as we faced each other, stock-still.

The big bovine found his voice first, though it shook and hesitated as he spoke. “Is… is it you?”

Fighting past the lump in my throat, I could only manage a small nod, and the faintest of confirmation sounds. Still, it broke the spell and, with rapid steps, he covered the distance between us and swept me up into a bone crushing hug.

My shoulder began to moisten from where he was holding it to his face. “They told me you were back. I’ve missed you so much.”

Buff’s gruff tone lacked its usual steadiness, but just hearing him again, and being this close, was all I cared about at this moment. Hugging back just as tightly, I revelled in his familiar warmth. “Me too. It’s been so long. All I wanted was to let you know I was okay, to get in touch somehow, to say I’m so, so sorry for all that’s happened.” I nuzzled in a little deeper. “It’s all my fault, Buff, can you ever forgive me?”

The firm shake of his head had me rocking back and forth, but neither of us loosened our grip. “There’s nothing to forgive, it wasn’t your fault. It was never your fault. You’re home now, and safe, that’s all that matters.”

I felt myself being lifted, and soon ended up nestled between massive shoulder blades. “Buff?”

With a final sniff, he got his voice under control. “We need to find Al and Lo. They’ll want to see you too. I’ll take you right there, just hold on tight.” With light, confident strides, he covered ground quickly, and was motoring as fast as his restrained personality would let him.

The crowd parted easily before Buff, as any sane being would when in the way of a buffalo moving with purpose. He was more talkative than his usual taciturn self, too. “It was chaos around here, at first, after you left. So many people came forward with ideas on what to do next. Al, Lo, and I didn’t care, not really. They didn’t believe you had left the Stable at first. They searched all over for you. There was even talk of sending a team down into the shaft. They didn’t stop for three days!”

My enjoyment at his thick fur tickling my nose faded. “Th-they did? They didn’t get into trouble, did they?” They didn’t deserve to be punished for what I’d done.

“No, they were mostly left alone. They only really talked to me, or each other. Some of the other buffalo tried to get them to slow down, but they ignored them.”

“Didn’t you try to calm them down?” Buff was probably the only person they’d listen to in that situation.

“I… wasn’t sure that they should. I hoped that they would find you somewhere in the Stable. From all reports, the Equestrian Wasteland is not a nice place. I made it very clear to the Overmare what I thought of you being out there when the truth came out.”

I was even more worried now, though also a little touched. “You… went against the Overmare?”

“Every second I could. She was… less than cooperative. Wouldn’t tell us how you got out, or let us out after you. She threatened to throw the book at me. She threatened to throw EVERY book at me. I was in her office a lot, and didn’t always leave willingly.”

A warm feeling began to spread in my chest. “Buff… you didn’t have to do that.”

“Yes I did!” His response would brook no arguments. “You’re our sister, and we weren’t going to let anything happen to you.” When he spoke next, his voice cracked and his breath caught. “We didn’t give up, I promise, we didn’t.”

I patted his horn softly, over his quaking shoulders. “I know you didn’t. You never would. I didn’t think any different, not even for a second.” The Doublehorns were the best people in the entire Stable, and I was as lucky as anyone in Stable 61 to have Buff, Al, and Lo for siblings. Nobody would convince me otherwise.

Silence fell for the next few minutes, as I rode in silence to give Buff time to collect himself. He’d always been strong, naturally falling into the role of eldest to his three brothers. He wouldn’t want to be seen crying by too many people in the Stable. When he did speak up again, it was a question that sent a shock right through me.

“So what did you do when you were outside?”

Oh, hell. “…I travelled, mostly. I went around to a lot of the different towns and villages. I met lots of different people.”

“There wasn’t trouble, was there? When we found a way to receive broadcasts from the outside, there was mention of some nasty business.”

“…Yeah, there was some trouble. Things… didn’t always go as planned. What did you hear mentioned?”

A ripple ran through his back as he shrugged. “Well, a lot of it we didn’t really understand. There was a group that got mentioned a lot, Raiders? Nobody really knows what that means. Do you know?”

Oh yeah, I do. “Yeah, kinda. They’re… dangerous. You have to be wary around them. They aren’t like anything you’ll have seen before.”

Instantly he was all concern again. “You weren't hurt, were you?”

“Well, no, they didn’t hurt me.”

“They didn’t? Who did?” His tensing almost toppled me from his back.

How long have you got? “…I’m not gonna lie, Buff, the Wasteland isn’t always easy to live in. The rules out there are very different than in here. There’s no getting away from that. I had to learn fast.” I had to be very careful with my words. Buff was angry, the angriest I’d ever seen him, but telling him all that had done on wouldn’t do anyone any good right now. He needed to calm down. “Focus on the positives, little brother. I’m okay, let’s leave it at that for now.”

“…”

“Please, Buff?”

In no way satisfied, he still reined in his rare temper. “Fine…”

I breathed a small sigh of relief.

“…So long as it wasn’t Red Ice who hurt you.”

“Ghk!” Rigid, I tried to process what he’d just said. “Where did you hear that name?”

He’d resumed his steady gait. “It came up a lot. Lots of people seemed to be talking about her. She’d been spotted all over the area, and always causing trouble.”

“A-and?”

“It was a rough little while when Al got it into his head that you might have run afoul of her. None of us slept well when he told us about that theory.”

Um… “You didn’t find out who she was?”

“Well, no. That was never in any of the transmissions we came across. It didn’t seem like many people outside knew either. Do you know who she is?”

Yes. “No.”

“But you didn’t run into her?”

“…That’s right.” My stomach was twisting in on itself.

Relief flooded into his voice. “I’m glad. She’s dangerous and violent. Just look at what happened in… well, you’d know more than I would.”

That’s very true. “Yeah, I tried not to get too involved in what was going on. I didn’t think I knew enough.”

Buff nodded his agreement, and said no more until we reached the Doublehorn quarters. Opening the door, he let me down and then bade me enter, choosing to wait in the doorway.

The front room of the suite was empty when I stepped through, my hoofsteps echoing loudly in the absence. A quick look around revealed no other buffalo, at least from where I could see. “Hello?”

“SNOW!”
“SIS!”

Immediately I was mobbed by two sienna-furred giants, with only the briefest of moments to wonder how they moved that fast before impact. The unbridled emotion I felt when I first saw Buff again came roaring back with my two other brothers.

“You’re okay!”
“We missed you so much!”
“Are you hurt?”
“When did you get back?”
“What happened to you?”
“Don’t ever do that again!”

Much more was said, but through the blubbering and talking over one another, that was all I managed to make out.

Still, it felt right, and good, and happy to be back here. I even managed a laugh. “If this is the sort of reaction I get when I come home, I should go away more often.”

“NO!”
“NEVER AGAIN!”

The absolute terror in their voices killed that joke instantly. I managed to untangle myself enough to get a look at their faces.

They were ghostly white, and six eyes had shrunk to pinpricks.

My heart shattered the moment Lo spoke. “Don’t say that, ‘Flake, don’t you ever say that again!”

Al just made it worse. “You can’t leave us again, ever! Your place is here, with us!”

It was impossible to argue with their forlorn faces, and Buff was no help, smile having turned upside down the moment he got in the door. “Alright, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.” I reached up and put a hoof as far around each of their necks as I could. “I missed you both, so much.”

The hugs were returned. “We missed you too.”

“Yeah, but now you’re back, and we can take care of you now. We’ll never let anything like this happen to you again. Never ever ever!”

Even just a little bit, Lo’s childlike promise gave me pause. It wasn’t ALL bad, you know.

Al got in on the act too. “Yeah, we heard all these stories and reports about what was going on out there. Crazy stuff. Anybody tries to send you back out there will have to get through us!”

“YEAH!”

“Eheh… yeah.” Luckily, they didn’t pick up on my nervous chuckling through the muffle of the crush they had me in.

I was finally set down. Lo wiped away the last of his tears. “We almost went nuts when you disappeared, ‘Flake. Buff was always yelling at the Overmare about what happened, and Al and I went tearing around the entire Stable, even places we weren’t s’posed to be in, trying to find you!”

Al was surprisingly stone-faced. “We saw things. Wondrous and terrible things.”

Buff cleared his throat. “She doesn’t need to know what you saw in the female dormitory.”

Deeply-ingrained big-sister switches were flipped for a moment. “Al! Lo! You shouldn’t have gone in there! Shame on you!”

The snap in my tone dropped their ears in a heartbeat. “But we just…”

“No buts, misters! You stay out of there, you’re good boys.”

“Yes’m.”

Al’s dejection broke first, and he burst out laughing, though the tears threatened to fall at the same time. “I’m so glad you’re back, Snowflake! It hasn’t been the same around here!”

“Yeah, nobody else talks to us like that, we need you!”

My chest fluttered again. “I’m glad I’m back too. I need you guys too… though you should stay out of the ladies’ areas.”

Lo’s head bobbed up and down vigorously in response. Al bore the biggest grin as he leant in for another nuzzle, craving the contact. Buff held himself back, as usual, but his smile told the truth.

“You’re good boys.” I repeated, eyes moistening again.

“And you’re our favourite sister!”

“I’m your only sister.”

“Which means you’re too special to lose!”

“Aww, you guys don’t have to go tha…”

“So we promised each other, that we’d never ever ever let you out of our sights again when we found you!”

“I…”

“We’re gonna make sure you’re here, and safe, forever!”

“Uh…”

“Isn’t that right? Who needs that stupid Wasteland?”

“You don’t ever need to think about that place again, no way they’re getting to you in here!”

Their earnestness painfully tightened my chest. What am I supposed to say to that? I CAN’T just stay here forever. I still don’t know how I got here, or what happened after the Raider meeting. I need to find Undertow and Naiara, not to mention all the Whinniepeg crap. And my stolen stuff too!

“Snow?” Buff’s calm rumble cut into my thoughts, swiftly followed by his siblings.

“What’s the matter?”

“You’ve gone all quiet.”

This is gonna suck. “Guys… sit down.”

The elation was fast fading from their faces, but they did as I asked.

“…Now, you know I love you all, so much. It breaks my heart to say this, but… I can’t stay here forever.”

The response was immediate, and visceral. “What?”

“No!”

“What are you saying?”

I threw up my hooves for calm. “I’m not saying I’m not coming back… just that there are still things I need to do in the Wasteland. Things I can’t do from here. I have promises and responsibilities to take care of with the people I met out there.”

“Out there?!” Buff was incredulous. “Snowflake, it’s a nightmare out there!”

“Why you?” Al was desperate. “Let somebody else handle it, Snow, it’s not our problem.”

“You can’t!” Lo was terrified. “Old Equestria will swallow you up, ‘Flake. You’ll die!”

An image of dark goggles swam through my mind, even breaking through the heartache. “It’s not just about me, boys. There are people out there that I care about, and need to…”

Al cut me off, anger born of fear bubbling over. “We’re people you care about! You should think we’re more important! We’re your family, those others don’t matter!”

“Yeah, yeah!” Lo took up the torch. “You’ve been with us for our whole lives. You’ve only been out there for a few weeks. We need you more than they do! It’s not fair!”

“I know, but…”

“Don’t you love us, sis?”

Hot ice stabbed through my heart.

I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t speak. All I could do was stare helplessly at their morose, angry, petrified faces, and think what a terrible being I was, to cause them such pain.

“Al, Lo, that’s enough.” Buff was no happier than his brothers, but stepped in regardless. “Don’t think, even for one moment, that Snowflake doesn’t love you. It’s doing her a disservice.”

“Butt out, Buff!” Al was trying to look imposing.

“I won’t!” He snapped back, surprising us all, and instantly deflating Al. Buff never raised his voice, except in extreme circumstances. “I think we all need to take a break for now. Our work detail will be starting soon, and I don’t want any of us to miss it. So what we’re going to do is put this conversation on hold for now, and we’ll pick it up later, when everybody’s had a chance to calm down.”

“But…”

“No buts. Snow can stay here until we get back, or do whatever she needs to do and meet us later. This shouldn’t be discussed when angry, or things might be said that shouldn’t be. No matter what, we’re a family, and we’ll be good to each other. Now you two get your things together, and we’ll go to work. Snowflake, you just try to enjoy yourself until we get back.”

Slumping against the wall, I could only watch as the three Doublehorns filed silently out of the apartment. When they were gone, the silence became deafening.

On unsteady legs, I made my way over to the counter, on which rested the most prized possession of the Doublehorns.

“Hey, Mama Doublehorn.”

Smiling her saintly smile, the photo of the forever-proud mother stared back at me.

“I’m sorry you had to hear all that. I know they’re just worried, and I should have handled it better. You told me to look after them, and they feel like I’m abandoning them to go running off for no reason.”

Setting the frame back down, I began to pace back and forth. “I’m not brushing them off, I swear I’m not. I love them almost as much as you do. They’re my brothers, and I’ll always be their sister. It’s just… the Stable hasn’t always been a nice place for me, even though it was safe. When I got thrown out, into the Wasteland, I was in more danger than I ever was here.”

Here comes the hard part. Don’t be mad, Mama Doublehorn. “And yet… it’s been good sometimes too, and fun. I feel like I’m able to do some good out there, make something of myself. The people aren’t all bad, either. Some are, but not all.”

I mentally pleaded with her to understand. “I… there are others, not just here in the Stable. I have friends to take care of out there in the Wasteland. Because of me, they’ve found themselves in bad situations, and had to give up more than they should have. I can’t just leave that alone. I have to make it right.”

Her smile never slipped. Not once.

“I won’t let your boys down, and I’ll come back to them. I promised them just as much as I promised Undertow, or Bosco, or Naiara, or any of them! This is just something I have to do. Snowflake has to clean up Red Ice’s messes, and Red Ice will probably need to make more messes before this is all over.”

Picking up the picture again, I gave it a quick kiss. “I need to protect everybody I care about, not just your family. I’m sorry if that’s selfish, Mama. I’ll try to make you proud.”

~~~~~~