Chapter 9-3: All That Shines

Once again twinning Bosco’s hue as a disguise, Naiara unhappily scratched at the itchy body paint covering her side. “Ugh, I hate this place.”

Trotting primly beside her, Undertow blinked owlishly. “It is very different from the lake. There is not much water for me, but why do you dislike it, Naiara?”

Suddenly grinning, the disguised zebra was smirking in the corner of my eye. “No ‘Lady’ for me, huh? I’m so jealous, Lady Snow.”

Lethbridle was not the place for Red Ice worship. I’d asked Undertow to avoid referring to me as ‘Lady Ice’ while we were here, instead preferring that she call me Snowflake. She had been reluctant not to use an honourific.

‘Lady Snow’ was the compromise.

Because Lady Flake just sounds stupid.

“Anyway,” Naiara continued, “this place isn’t too friendly to equines with black and white coats. That’s why I don’t like coming here. I have to wear this itchy body paint.”

“Ah, of course.” She nodded in understanding, “That is a pity. You are very pretty, and it is a shame that you have to hide yourself here.”

Pausing for a second to gape at the Deep Diver, Naiara suddenly swept her up in a tight hug, squeeing. “She’s so adorable!”

Undertow squeaked as she was hugged back and forth, while me, Bosco, and half the crowd looked on in varying states of amusement.

Faceless calls of “Kiss her!” and “Smack ‘er flank!” was all the jeering that I needed to jump in and break up the hug. “Come on you two, we’re here for a reason, remember?”

“Yeah, listen to your big sister.” was the little delight that the male quarter of our entourage chipped in with.

Ignoring him, I took both girls by the hoof and dragged them away, drawing boos from the crowd. Bosco followed along, chuckling.

Stepping into a quiet alcove, Naiara spoke first. “So do we know where to start looking? Snow? ‘tow? ‘co?”

Was that rhetorical? It’s hard to tell when she’s looking that damn pleased with herself.

Staring back out into the milling crowd, my newest acquaintance gave a tentative reply. “I do not have any idea where to begin. This place is so loud, with so many ponies everywhere. How will I find one ‘ghoul’ amongst this chaos? How does anypony manage here? The city’s master must be very capable.”

That got me thinking. “Hey Bosco, who does run Lethbridle? I mean, Chief Rockhaunch leads the guards, but is there an Overm-I mean, Overseer?”

“Why’re you asking me?”

“You’ve been here the most. It’s Undertow’s first time, Naiara’s hardly gonna be an expert, and I’d never seen the place before you brought me here a few weeks ago.”

He made a face. “That hardly makes me an expert on the movers and shakers here. I dunno who runs the place. Why don’t we just go see Rockhaunch, like we usually do?”

He answered his own question when all of us, besides a confused Undertow, surreptitiously glanced around to make sure we were safe. Neither Snowflake nor Red Ice were welcome in Lethbridle while on our Raider-unification mission, and I’d already seen firsthoof that not all the guards saw me as Li’l Stronghead, the nickname the Chief had thought up for me after I greeted him in the traditional Buffalo manner… a headbutt.

A little more sadness heaped onto the pile within me, dragging me down even more. “While we’re working with Raiders, he won’t see us. I doubt we’re even supposed to be here. We only really got in because the guards spent the entire time looking at Naiara.”

Embarrassed, she rubbed the back of her head with a hoof. “Eh heh heh.”

“Then who else is there? Who’s gonna know about ghouls?”

That was a good question. I thought back to the first time I’d met a ghoul, right here in Lethbridle. The bastard stole my gun, I keep forgetting to check whether Bosco still has that, and made off with it. I still had my Pipbuck back then, so we could track him. When we found him, I really wasn’t expecting what I saw. He, at least I believed it was a he, was a ravaged husk of a pony, miraculously still sane after all these years of life. Having lived through the end of Old Equestria itself, he was older than basically anybody alive today.

And for some strange reason, he decided to become a thief. You’d think he’d be better off, since he could tell people what life was like back then. Or were they like me, scared of him because of his mutations?

Wow, that doesn’t really make me sound too good now does it? Onto the pile goes that thought too.

Following on the thought’s heels was another, much more useful notion. “Say, Bosco, what about that ghoul we met when we were here? I mean, he stole from us, he might’ve stolen from Undertow too?”

“Yeah, I’ve been waiting for you to get there since Undertow first mentioned it.”

I stared at him, unimpressed.

He stared back, barely holding in a grin.

I decided to borrow a page from his book, and whapped him upside the head with my hoof.

“Ow, dammit!”

“You deserved it!”

“Well… maybe, but still… you put your friggin’ weight behind that one. Seriously, ow!”

The two onlookers turned to each other. “Lady Snow and Bosco… are friends, are they not?”

“Oh yeah. This sometimes happens between friends. When it does, just go ahead and laugh.”

“Naiara, don’t tell her that!” I scolded the zebra, who just rolled her eyes. I wagged a hoof in warning to the other unicorn. “Don’t hit your friends, Undertow, even if they do deserve it… and don’t laugh about it either.”

“Yes, Lady Snow.” She tried to keep her eyes on me, but they drifted towards Bosco, who was tenderly rubbing his bruise.

“…”

~~~~~~

We’d moved to the market district where we’d first encountered the ghoul thief, in the hope that he kept the same hunting grounds as before. Naiara and Bosco were at each end of the high street, keeping watch for anything suspicious. I waited in the middle, under the same tree I’d been standing that day, with Undertow by my side. The filly was still looking all around, idly levitating little tufts of snow to pass the time.

“Lady Snow?” Or so I thought.

“Yeah, Undertow?”

“Can you tell me more of this Raider mission you keep referring to? I would like to help if I can.”

Problem being, I’m less and less sure I want you anywhere near it. “Well, the story actually starts a few weeks ago, long before I was even offered the job. You see, I was not long out of my Stable… do you know what Stables are?”

She nodded, only the aquamarine glow of her horn visible under her hood. “I have heard tell of them. They are giant underground bunkers which ponies fled to when the bombs fell from the sky, correct?”

“That’s basically it, yeah. Anyway, I was only a day or two out of the Stable, and Bosco and I were on our way here to Lethbridle, it was my first time coming here… or anywhere, really. I’d lived in the Stable for all my life until then.”

“Why did you choose to leave?”

I didn’t. “That’s for another time. As I was saying, we had stopped in a broken down play area for a rest, when we were attacked by Raiders. Bosco and I, with… some help,” for another ‘another time’, "fought off the Raiders. We killed a lot of them. I… didn’t take it well. I still don’t. But it got me thinking about Raiders, and why they act the way they do. Then, when another group approached me with this mission, to help the Raiders, and maybe help them change for the better, I decided to take it, to see if I could make up for what I’d done.”

She was quiet for a while before responding. “You mourn them? Despite the fact they attacked you?”

Blowing out a suddenly heavy breath, I nodded as my eyes began to moisten. “Yeah, of course. I’ve… been in the Wasteland long enough to kill people, lots of people, but not long enough to be okay with that.”

I lapsed into my memories for a moment; The Raiders at Snow Pegasus Park, the slavers that Naiara killed outside of Plottawa, the buffalo at Grindstone… that poor ghoul…

With my senses turned inward, I jumped when I felt Undertow cozying up next to me. Surpringly, given the morbid topic we’d been discussing, she was smiling. “Lady Snow is very kind, to care so much about those who others forsake.”

I’m really not. I did briefly wonder whether she was talking about herself in that group, but couldn’t think about it for long, as the others both showed up at that moment. Thankfully, they didn’t comment on my proximity to Undertow, but that only served to highlight their serious visages.

Nudging the other unicorn, I waited for them to explain.

“We think we saw him.”

I perked up immediately. “Where?”

Both cocked their heads back towards the throng. “He’s been here for a little while, walked from one end to the other and back again. Probably looking for his next target.”

“And you’re sure it’s him?”

Jaw set, Bosco grunted an affirmative. “Pretty sure. He’s wearing the same stuff. So unless he’s traded off with another ghoul…”

“… Then it’s probably him. Great job guys.”

Naiara was getting excited, the waiting and watching hadn’t agreed with her. “So how do you want to play this? Wanna just jump him and drag him to a quiet spot?”

I shook my head vehemently, my recent actions weighing heavily on my conscience. I needed to do better, and that meant doing things the right way, not the Raider way.

And definitely not the Red Ice way. “Let’s try talking to him first. We have to be sure that he’s the guy who took Undertow’s lights. I don’t want to go beating up an innocent ghoul for no reason.”

Exasperated, Bosco scuffed the ground with his hoof. “He’s still a thief, Snow, not exactly innocent.”

“He’s might be innocent this time, Bosco. It’s not up to us to pass judgement on anything more than that.”

“Tch. Lady Snow is so very kind.” The inference was very different to Undertow’s statement.

“I’m sorry, Bosco, again. I just…”

“I know what you ‘just’, Snow,” he blew out a cleansing breath from his snout, “it’s okay. This time, at least. We outnumber him, and I don’t think he’s armed. He wasn’t last time, since he tried to shoot us with the gun he stole. We’ll play it safe, but… we don’t need to hurt him. You’re right this time.”

“JUST this time.” That was Naiara, “I agree with Bosco on this. Mostly, you need to work on your decision-making in dangerous situations.”

Undertow was shaking, angrier than I’d ever seen her, even when she’d been trying to kill us. “Lady Snow does not want to kill! Is that so terrible?”

Touched as I was, even I agreed with the hard message of Bosco’s next words. “It is if it greatly increases the possibility that Lady Snow will die. Which it has, several times already. Snow’s put us in danger more than once because of this. You stick with her? You’ll see for yourself.”

I reached over and, ever-so-gently, wrapped Undertow in a hug. “Undertow, Bosco’s right. There will be times when I cause you trouble if you come with us, and I’m sorry for that. Still,” I gave her quick peck on the cheek, “thanks for sticking up for me, svara.”

“Don’t you mean xilia?”

“Shaddup, Naiara.”

Before anything more could be said, a loud tapping alerted us. Bosco was distractedly batting his hoof on the tree trunk, but was looking out into the crowd. “ ‘s very touching, but he’s going! Over there, he’s leaving!”

Releasing the wide-eyed and blushing filly, I poked my head around the trunk next to the colt. “Which one?”

He pointed, as Naiara and Undertow crowded in too. “Dirty cloak, over by the ammo vendor. He’s heading for the street corner.”

We followed his hoof until recognition kicked in. Yep, that’s him. Same raggedy cloak.

Dragging his hood over his face, Bosco shook out his legs. “Let’s go!”

He took off after the ghoul, with us following. The crowd was still packed in tightly, and it quickly became near impossible to keep an eye on both the leading ghoul and the following colt, so I settled for the latter, trusting Bosco not to lose him.

Even just following Bosco was difficult though. His years of solo travelling had honed his ability to remain inconspicuous in a crowd, probably so he wasn’t targeted by thieves himself. He moved with the flow of bodies, darting and ducking when he saw an opening, doubling back and around, anticipating the clusters and avoiding them.

It was not graceful, like Naiara’s flexible dance-walking, as he jerked around like a coal brick in a fire, but he was definitely putting on a clinic. This was another skill I’d do well to pick up at some point.

That list just keeps getting longer every day.

Unfortunately, I was not the only one struggling. “L-lady… Lady Snow!”

My heart skipped a beat, instantly forgetting about the chase, I whipped my head around. There was no sign of the Deep Diver. Panicking, I began fighting my way back through the crowd, but it was like trying to run in thick snow. “Undertow! Undertow, where are you?”

“Snowflake!” Naiara hissed in my ear, “They’re getting away!”

“Stay with them then, I’ll get her and follow after.” I barely cared about finding this ghoul at the moment. Undertow’s safety was more important.

“Lady Snow?!”

“Undertow! I’m here, where are you?” Come on, she’s the same size as me. Why can’t I see her?

“T-t-tree!”

That helped. The tree stood above the crowd like a beacon. Shouldering and shoving my way towards it, I finally burst through into the small clearing, the ponies I’d just bullrushed past glaring behind me, and I instantly directed my eyes. Towards the trunk.

Nobody was there. My heart skipped again. Where could she be? She said the tree, is there another one?

Frantically casting about, I had to hop and bounce just to see above the crowd. I turned all around, but couldn’t see another tree.

“UNDERTOW! Where are you?!”

A turquoise and sea-blue blur sped around the tree and slammed mightily into me, seizing hold like a vice. With the wind knocked out of me, all I could do in response was wrap my hooves around her as we fell.

“Under… Undertow!” I managed to gasp.

Her goggles were fogging with tears as she buried her head in my chest, which was actually kind of painful with her horn, but I held tight anyway. Her sobs and cries ripped at my emotions. “Too… too many! Just too many! I can’t… I can’t… Too many ponies! Too much noise! I can’t…”

Oblivious to the stares from those around us, I gently stroked her mane as she worked through her panic. “Shh… shh… it’s okay. Everything’s going to be alright. I’m right here. I promise I won’t let anything happen to you.”

Seconds past and still she clung tight. She really didn’t do well in big crowds. Being away from her lake, her best defence, probably amplified her anxiety. I’d do what I could for her, but maybe it would be best if she went back to the lake after this.

Ignoring the small, sudden lump in my throat, I gently nudged the now-quiet girl. “Undertow? Listen to me for a second, okay? I know it’s scary, but we need to go. We can’t stay here or we’ll get in trouble, and we’d never get your diving lights back then. Do you think you can come with me while we talk to this ghoul?”

A long scratch was left on my sternum as her head shot up, dragging her horn along my flesh. “Don’t go!”

Hurrying to avoid another display, I smiled as wide as I could. “I’m not gonna go anywhere. We are, together. I want you to take the lead, slow and steady, and take us through the crowd.”

Her pupils shrank to pinpricks. “M-me?!”

A busy day at the market scares the hooves off her, but she’s fine swimming into the darkest depths.

Ooh, there’s an idea.

“Undertow, do you still have your rebreather?”

Her hoof gently rose to her neck, covered by the Sprinkles barding. “Uh huh.”

“Then put it on. We’re gonna pretend like we’re diving. I’ll hold on to your tail, and I won’t let go. You’re the dive expert. You lead us past the obstacles… past the crowd.”

Fixing her mouth around the nozzle of the rebreather, she still looked uncertain, shooting me an imploring gaze.

I grabbed a hunk of her tail between my hooves. “Please just try. For me.” Then I bit gently but firmly on the hairs, making sure to keep eye-to-goggle contact with her. When I was sure I had a solid bite, I gave her a firm nod.

Shaking slightly, she managed a nod back, before turning towards the crowd, which thankfully was beginning to thin out. Moving unsteadily, and taking rapid, shallow breaths through her apparatus, Undertow nevertheless took one step after another, moving with and through and against the crowd as we traversed the ‘obstacles’.

I stayed completely silent throughout, leaving it all up to her. She was scared, and literally out of her element but, once she did this, then nobody could take that away from her, and other challenges she might face would be that much easier to overcome.

Minutes later, we finally broke through the crowd into the side path that the ghoul, and our friends, had been heading for. Nobody else was around. Spitting out her tail, I stepped up next to her and gently nuzzled her face. “You did great. Perfect. I’m really proud of you.”

Managing a small smile, she still was sniffling back tears as she cleaned off the rebreather, before letting it dangle. “I-I did it!”

I wiped away some of the moisture from her cheek. “I knew you could. And I didn’t have to do a thing, that was all you. Great job.”

Face still wet with tears, and some drool from the rebreather, the shy water unicorn gave off a joyful giggle, which I couldn’t help but smile back at as I d’awwed on the inside.

Still, we had friends to find. There were a few offshoots to this alley, we’d have to check them all, one by one.

“Snow, ‘tow, over here!”

Or not.

We walked towards the waving zebra, which she still was even when disguised. Undertow’s canter was much lighter and more confident than before, and it rubbed off on my motion too. I wasn’t complaining, she deserved it for what she’d accomplished.

“What happened back there?” Naiara asked as we drew level.

“Just got a little turned around,” I responded airily, “Undertow got us out of there, no problem. I’d have been in real trouble if she wasn’t there.”

“L-Lady Snow!”

I pushed on, not letting her deny it. “So any luck with the ghoul?”

“Well, sort of…” She moved towards one of the side alleys, and we followed after her, “He wants something for his help.”

“What’s he want?”

She just shrugged. “Dunno. I left Bosco to haggle with him, while I came to find you two.”

Shadowing her, we turned a few more corners, through the really back streets of Lethbridle. It didn’t look like the guards sent regular patrols through here, that was for sure. I wasn’t greatly happy that any of us were here, and especially not Undertow. She seemed to feel the same way, and positioned herself in between Naiara and I.

The growing sound of heated debate reached our ears as we turned another corner. It only got louder as the arguers came into view. “Forget it, smoothcoat, whatever you’re selling, I don’t want any.”

“Well we’re not leaving until we get some answers, so you’d best rethink that.”

Bosco and the ghoul were arguing in front of a flimsy shack at the end of the alley. Corroded iron and stained fabric held it together, barely at least. The ghoul did not live in luxury. If only the banks had survived the end of the old world. He’d have been rich.

Evidently still riding the adrenaline high from her ‘dive’, Undertow immediately stepped forward. “Did you steal my diving lights?”

He didn’t even look at her, just continued his glaring contest with Bosco. “Your what? I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Undeterred, she paused to find the right words. “...Memory Orbs! They are also called Memory Orbs! A ghoul stole two from my boathouse. Was it you?”

Now he did look, and comprehension dawned as he took in her goggles and hanging rebreather. “Ah, the little fish from the big pond. I remember you. To answer your fucking question: No, I didn’t steal your precious ‘diving lights’, I took them back! They’re mine to begin with!”

“W-what?”

Canting his head to the side, he spoke like he was talking to an infant. “Those. Memories. Are. Mine! They belong to me! I won’t give them up, they’re all I have left of her!”

“Her?” Echoed Naiara and Bosco.

“I don’t care about ‘her’. All I know is that Undertow will die if we can’t get them back. What can we do for you to let us use them?”

The ghoul scoffed disdainfully. “Nothing that’s worth what those Memories are to me.”

“Wait…” gears were clicking for Bosco, “You’re not even a unicorn. How do you know that they’re the right Memory Orbs? Have you seen them?”

The mutated pony didn’t immediately respond. “… No.”

“Hah! You don’t even know, do you?”

“I followed the trail!” The ghoul roared, a strange echo accompanying the shout, “It took me one hundred and fifty years to get this last Memory of my sister, and you won’t take it from me again.”

“Memory? Singular?” Naiara scratched her head, then looked at Undertow, “Didn’t you say there were two, ‘tow?”

She was already beginning to look disheartened. “I did. There were two diving lights. This ghoul cannot be the one who stole them.”

“No,” I interrupted, “hold on, he recognised you. And he used ‘them’ and ‘they’ before.”

All four of us faced the ghoul again. Sensing he’d trapped himself, he flung up his disfigured hooves. “Oh for fuck’s sake. It’s the same memory, but twice. Once from my perspective, and again from my sister’s. It is the day before the bombs fell. The last time we spent together for fifty years. The next time I saw her, she was old and dying, and I was like this!”

He succeeded in shocking us into silence for a few seconds. Three of us, at least.

“Great story,” Bosco deadpanned, “now prove it.”

Another glare from the ghoul was the only comeback, so the charcoal colt continued. “You say they’re both the same memory? Fine by me. We’ve got two unicorns. They’ll watch together, one each, and see if you’re telling the truth.”

“You’ll just take them if I show you where they are. No deal.” The ghoul, for all his deformed, unmoving skin, had no poker face. His one good eye kept flicking back towards his shack.

Although, it is the only thing here, so we hardly needed the help. Still, I’d rather not have to rob an old stallion if we can help it. “I give you my word that this one,” I pointed to Naiara, “will stop this one,” then Bosco, “from trying anything while we’re watching them.”

He laughed his haggard chuckle at this. “And I’m supposed to trust you, Stable pony? Oh yes, I remember you now, and I also remember that this one held a knife to my throat.”

“WE remember that you stole something from us, ghoul.”

He hmph’d. “I do what I need to, to survive.”

“So do we. Now are we doing this the nice way or…” the rest of the threat was left unsaid. Sometimes letting somebody use their imagination worked better than describing in detail.

I wondered what would happen if he said no. I needed to keep Undertow safe, but I also didn’t want to mug the old pony. After a full minute of tense waiting, he finally turned to Naiara. “I have your word that you won’t let any of them interfere?”

Solemnly, she nodded. “You do.”

He cracked half a smile. “Good enough. Zebras dislike breaking their word almost as much as griffons do.” At her shocked look, his ghastly smile grew to full, “You can’t hide from me, stripe, I’ve been around too long for that.”

The surprise was sufficient enough that nobody reacted to the slur. “So… that’s a yes?”

“Yeah yeah, hold your horseshoes.” he grumped, and disappeared into his shack. Banging and thumping were heard for a while, and then he emerged again with the two Memory Orbs in a soft cloth.

Undertow reacted with immediate delight. “The diving lights!”

“They’re Memory Orbs, you hick!”

“Don’t talk to her like that!” I warned, stepping forward.

He wasn’t impressed, turning to vanish again into the ramshackle property. “Oh just get on with it, and wake me when you’re done.” Then the door slammed shut, and we were left blinking in the alley.

Ugh, I hate this part. “Are you ready, Undertow?”

“Yes. Um… may we do it together, Lady Snow?” Her hopeful expression would have floored even the ghoul, if he’d stayed.

I had no chance. “Sure, Undertow. Let’s do it.”

Our friends had us lay side-by-side on my Molar Bear hide, then Bosco held an Orb to my horn while Naiara held the other for Undertow.

“On three…”

I found myself in a softly lit room, thankfully in a mare’s body, wearing nothing, and lying on a luxuriously cushioned bed. It even had the master bed at Hoofshine beat for comfort.

When I spoke, my voice was high and lilting. “Inbox? You ready, bro?”

A deep voice, sharing some similarities with the ghoul’s, sounded from the end of the bed, under my outstretched hooves. “Sure am, Outtray. I’ve been looking forward to this all week, sis.”

My host craned her head down to the end of the bed, where ‘Inbox’ was climbing onto the bed, as nude as his sister. And between his legs, a swinging, stiff…

WHAT THE FU-

When the hours-long Memory ended, Undertow and I wore identical luminescent blushes, and sat apart from each other in mortified silence.

Which was broken by the ghoul’s voracious laughter. “HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!”

“FUCK OFF INBOX!”

“That’s my name, was it yours too?”

“SCREW YOU!”

“One of you did!”

“Undertow, how many times did you watch these?”

Her voice was haunted, ghost-like. She still hadn’t looked at me since waking from the Memory. “It was always the other one.”

~~~~~~

That evening, we hadn’t wanted to try our luck with Lithu’s apartment again, so we’d checked into a hotel, with specific instructions for separate beds for everybody.

The adrenaline and excitement of the day had worn off, and still I found myself, as I had every night since pounding that ghoul into the concrete at the facility, unable to sleep one wink. I was sore all over, and barely had the energy to move at all, so I just lay in bed, hoping that I could recoup enough juice to get through the next day.

It didn’t take. I lay there for hours in silence, staring at the unchanging ceiling, until finally I decided to do something about it.

Before I knew it, I found myself back at Inbox’s shack. Surprisingly, he was awake. He sat outside, staring up at the clouds. His one eye spotted me, but he didn’t move, he just grinned.

“I was wondering which one it would be. So you were my sister then?”

Aaand my face went back to scarlet instantly. “Yes.” I squeaked.

“Why’re you here? Want another go-around? I’m as energetic as I was back then.”

I almost turned and ran then. Living that through somebody else had been too much. Even if he weren’t ancient and undead, to do it in real life would have killed me.

I soldiered through the images running rampant in my mind, before saying the only thing I could think to say to the ghoul. “I’m so sorry.”

“About Outtray? Don’t be. Better that she didn’t end up like this. She went happy, and in peace.”

“No, I mean I’m sorry for… killing a ghoul.” I shamefully hung my head.

Inbox didn’t seem terribly talkative, content to just let me hang for a while. Eventually he responded, still staring at the sky. “Why’d you kill him? Or her? Whichever it was.”

“It… he… attacked us.”

“Oh,” comprehension dawned, “one of the ferals, then?”

“Yeah… I’m so sorry.” What else was there to say? I’d taken a life for a stupid, selfish reason. This would never be good enough.

“Don’t be. You did the thing a favour.”

My jaw dropped. “W-what?”

Now he did look at me, and his one remaining eye was not angry. “Eventually, all ghouls turn feral. It’s a horrible, drawn-out process. Since we’re so hard to kill, it’s about the only thing we have to fear any more. We lose all that we were, and the radiation swallows us whole, turning us into monsters that only care about killing others.”

“But it was a pony…”

“Exactly!” He cut me off angrily, “WAS a pony. Hell, I was a pony. Someday, I’ll be a monster. Right now, I’m something in between, and all I can do is sit here thinking of my sister. All I want is to go back, and all I fear is that I have no choice but to go forward, knowing what I’ll turn into one day.”

His words were angry, but his stare wasn’t. Still, it held my attention wire-tight. “You killed a feral ghoul, Stable pony. You killed a monster. It hadn’t been a pony for a long time and, when it was in between, it had wished that somepony like you had killed it before it turned.”

He spat on the ground. “If you want to be sorry for anything, Stable pony, be sorry because you were late.”

I snapped. “WHY DOESN’T ANYONE… WHY DOESN’T EQUESTRIA HATE ME FOR KILLING?” That was the only way I could express it. Why wasn’t I being punished for what I’d done? Why did everybody expect it? Why was killing accepted as part of life? Why was that okay? I couldn’t bear that thought anymore.

Inbox went back to staring at the sky, a sad smile on his lips. “This place was Equestria once, Stable pony, back before the war. Then, when the fighting started, it was something in between, wishing for someone or something to kill it.” He heaved a sigh, “Well, they sure tried. Only it wasn’t enough. They should have tried again, and harder. But… they didn’t. So now this place is a monster that only cares about killing others. All that’s left is to destroy it.”

Aghast, I turned and ran from the solemn ghoul without another word, leaving him with the last part of his sister he had left.

~~~~~~

I walked up the stairs to my room.

The talk hadn’t helped. I felt worse than ever about killing the ghoul. I felt worse about everything.

Inbox was wrong. Equestria was always a monster. Only a monster could have created the war in the first place. The only thing even close to peace that Equestria has ever had was right after they tried to kill it. At that time only, when it was too hurt to fight back or hurt others, did it act like anything but a monster.

I stopped at the top of the stairway. My door was open. Wary, but weary, I crept along to the entryway as quietly as I could, hugging the wall. Reaching the frame, I tried to focus enough to prepare some magic, but my tired mind was too skittish to muster up the concentration. If things got violent, I’d have to hold on long enough for my friends to show up and save me.

I poked an eye around the doorway, and thoughts of violence left my mind. Curled up together on the bed were my three friends. Sighing, I tiredly wobbled over to the bed.

Undertow in my bed is the last thing I need right now. The vivid imagery of the Memory Orb sprang to mind. Sure, she’d been wearing Inbox’s old body, but she was still seeing my host as she did all that, at the same time as I was feeling it. I didn’t know if I’d ever be able to look at her the same way again.

“Something wrong with your own rooms?” I muttered, as I carefully climbed over their slumbering forms and took up station on the last corner of pillow I could get at.

“Wait,” I sat up again almost instantly, mumbling to myself as the sleep-deprived gears in my head managed a quarter-turn, “I’m not gonna be sleeping, why do I even need the bed at all? I’ll take the chair.”

That was the plan anyway. When I tried to rise off the bed, three separate left hooves shot out and grabbed me. “Wha?”

“Not so fast, svara.”

“You’re not going anywhere, Snow.”

“My apologies, Lady Snow.”

As I rubbed bridge of my nose with my one free hoof, the three fully-awake equines were treated to an exhausted glance. “What’s going on guys? Why aren’t you getting some rest?”

“Why aren’t you?”

“…Not tired.” Would if I could, Bosco.

“Liar. You haven’t slept in days.”

“…Not tired.” Not my choice, svara.

“Let us help you, Lady Snow.”

“…Not tired.” I’d feel worse if you helped me to kill, Undertow.

“Snow, you know you had no choice at the facility.” The colt’s grip was firm, but turned gentle too.

Naiara copied the change. “If you hadn’t done it, I’d have died.”

Finally, Undertow made three. “They told me what happened. Please don’t blame yourself, Lady Snow.”

Tears began to form in my eyes. “We… didn’t have to go there. I could’ve said no. I could’ve… found another way, been smart… for once.”

Bosco began softly rubbing my back. “You couldn’t know beforehoof, Snow. There was no other way.”

Tracks ran down my cheeks. “I-I… with my own hooves…”

Painted hooves wrapped me in a tight embrace. “It’s okay, Snow. We know you didn’t want this.”

“W-why am I not being punished? I can’t t-take back what I did!”

A sea-blue horn tapped against mine as the goggled filly pressed our foreheads together. “Because you do not deserve to be, Lady Snow.”

~~~~~~

They’d stayed with me as I wept, long into the night, showing solidarity with an unworthy murderer like me, until they each gave in to the sleep that couldn’t be delayed any more. Regardless of their efforts, I remained alert, unable to escape from my guilt..

Feeling helpless in the face of my crimes, I’d left them sleeping there, and spent the night on the roof, watching the clouds, as Inbox had. Perhaps hoping to find some way to ease my discomfort with what I’d become, as he had.

Whatever comfort the dark clouds might have given him was lost on me. I simply stared and stared, until the darkness began to recede and a new day began, hours later.

I stayed there until late morning, when the roof door burst open, and Naiara rushed out, frantically dashing back and forth. “Can you hear me now, Breeze? What’s happening? What are those sounds?”

Breeze? The brash, mechanically minded pegasus’ voice sounded loud through a device that Naiara was holding to her ear. There was a lot of other noise too. “Really not a good time, Naiara!”

Holding the device tight, the zebra was not at all pleased with her friend’s situation. “Breeze, tell me what’s happening? Where are you?”

“NAIARA, STOP DISTRACTING ME, I NEED TO FOCUS!” The volume of Breeze’s shout nearly dissolved in static, as the transmitter struggled to adjust.

“Breeze? Tell me where you are! We’ll come help!”

“NO! Stay away from La Buque! Don’t co-“ With a burst of static, the transmission cut off.

~~~~~~

Level Up!

Perks gained: Insomaniac: The value of sleep has been learned, if Snow can ever get some. When rested, Snow and allies gain temporary bonuses to Intelligence and Charisma.

~~~~~~

Author's Notes:

As always, a big thank you to KKat, Y1, Auramane, Cascadejackal (he did the original cover art, which is still on the Fallout Equestria wiki), Void Heart (he did the new cover art), Shunketsunoponi and you, the readers. Please read and comment, and pass the word along if you like the story. Finally, because I find it a really funny coincidence to have another fic with a Stable 61 that’s set in Equestrian Canada, go read Fallout Equestria: Pure Hearts.

That’s all for now, folks. Please keep reading, commenting, and spreading the word on Old Souls. I really appreciate your feedback.